Lewis & Clark College

The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College's Student-Run Newspaper

Volume 73, Number 17

Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper

Pioneer Log Staff

2009-03-01

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Lewis & Clark College: Pioneer Log / Mossy Log

Volume 73, Number 17 Friday, March 6, 2009 always Coca-Cola...?thePioneer Lewis & Clar k Colle ge’s Student-R un Ne wspaperLog
Students push for ban on CokeTHIS WEEK IN
PioLogThe
Forum:
Features:       
Gendered speech in
US culture discussed
Continued on pg. 2, GENDER
Daena Goldsmith discussed
“Clueless” and gender at a brown bag lunch last week.by Liz Scott // staff writer speaker and what images and words
come to mind.
Next a clip from the movie
“Clueless” was shown, in which the blonde and fashion-savvy Cher
Horowitz discusses in class the
by Lee Yang // staff writerA lack of contract will allow LC to ban Coke, say students upset about the company’s alleged humanitarian and environ-
mental misconducts. The national campaign reached LC through Students for a Democratic Society last year.       
A&E       
Sports:                      
              
              
              
        Last Friday, Feb. 27 the Gen-
der Studies program hosted their
monthly Brown Bag meeting titled “Like, You Know, /T_h ere are /T_h ese Gendered Ways of Speaking?” in J.R. Howard Hall.
/T_h ese events and workshops are
hosted for LC students, faculty and staff . /T_h is particular workshop dis-cussed the ways in which we com-municate. Whether in a class dis-cussion, a professional presentation or work and social environments, gender ties back to communica-tion.
/T_h is brown bag lunch was a col-
laboration between Professors Jean Ward, Kimberly Brodkin, Janet Davidson and Daena Goldsmith. It is an eff ort to try and raise issues as well as discussion.
/T_h e event started with a free-
write on perceptions of a strong IT experts help LC
Last week, two IT experts
visited LC to ask students, fac-
ulty and administration what direction they would like to go with tech-nology over the next few years.
Educa-
tional practice is constant-ly changing because of technologi-cal advances. Dr. /T_h omas Warger and Kathy Lang of EduServe, a strategic plan-ning company for institutes of higher education, outlined four zones of IT interest at LC: sustainability, community and collaboration, teaching re-search and creativity and inter-A group of students at Lewis
& Clark are joining on a national fi ght against the Coca-Cola Com-pany’s alleged humanitarian and environmental misconducts.
“Our goal is two-fold,” said
Megan Alpine (’11), one of the main organizers of the movement at LC. “We hope to raise aware-ness of the Coca-Cola Company’s human rights abuses and through such eliminate Coca-Cola products from all three campuses.”
/T_h e campaign here at LC start-
ed last fall. A group of students became interested after someone brought up the issue in a Students for a Democratic Society (SDS) meeting. /T_h ey have since met sev-eral times with school administra-tors and representatives from Co-ca-Cola and Canteen, the vending operations company that subcon-tracts Coke.
“I think our school is in a
uniquely opportune place to end our relationship with Coke,” said
Alpine. “We don’t have a contract
and we don’t benefi t fi nancially
from selling Coke here.”
Coca-Cola is subcontracted
through Canteen, and Bon Appétit sells Coke products independent of any contracts.
“Any decision to ban the sale
of Coca-Cola products on campus rests with the College,” said Associ-ate Vice President for Campus Life Michael Ford.
Aside from the administra-tors’ approval, the organizers were also told that they need to dem-onstrate strong support from the faculty, staff and students. Almost 400 signatures have been collected since the semester began, and the organizers hope to table at the law school soon.
Anna Anderson (’11), a mem-
ber of SDS, supports the campaign against the company. “I think it would say a lot about the image of the College if we removed Coke
by Melody Parker //
forum editor
Continued on pg. 2, ITContinued on pg. 3, COKE
nationalization.
At a planning meeting
/T_h ursday February 26, Wag-
ner said, “Right now we’re so-liciting brainstorm-level ideas
about what the college
wants to do with technolo-gy.” EduServe’s consultation and strategic
discussions are new services to LC.
Pr o b l e m s
like slow print-ing and dys-
f u n c t i o n a l
search engines have root causes at a technical level. But ac-cording to Warger, IT advising typically doesn’t start at a tech-nical level. Instead, IT consul-tants ask students and faculty broad questions about what is Raz drivers!
page 8
Blue Room
opens
page 10Baseball goes 1-3
to Willamette
page 15
PHOTO BY KATIE SUGARMAN
PHOTO BY LEANA EDWARDS
       
Buying
American
Refurbishing the LC
search engine, adding
an all-campus events
calendar and online
forums are all possi-
bilities for the future
of the website.page 4
Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008News 2 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
Pioneer
Log
the
Ed i t o r s i n Ch iEf:
Danny Garcia &
Sanne Stienstra
nEw s Ed i t o r s :
Tom Meath &
Angela Webber
fo r u m Ed i t o r s :
Melody Parker &
Alex Warnes
fEa t u r Es Ed i t o r s :
Deanna Horton &
Mariah Shields
ar t s Ed i t o r s :
Caitlin McCarthy &
Liam O’Connor
sp o r t s Ed i t o r s :
Nichole Carnell &
Haley Brill
BaCk d o o r Ed i t o r :
Ben Bateman
il l u s t r a t i o n Ed i t o r :
Robert McCormack
il l u s t r a t o r s :
Kellen Morimoto &
Brad Jonas
ph o t o Ed i t o r s :
Natalie Baker &
Katie Sugarman
ph o t o g r a p h Er s:
Fritz Fitzer &
Leana Edwards
Co p y Ed i t o r s :
Kathryn Miller &
Tony Pelton
st a f f wr i tEr s:
Andrew Lyle, Helen Hunt -
er, Adrian Guerrero, Sarah
Bobertz, Hallie Detrick,
Laura Nichols, Jacob
Bourne & Michael G. Rich -
man
wE Bm a s t Er:
Heather Brooke Scoles
ad v i s o r :
Peter Christenson
***
The pi o n E Er lo g serves to
inform the Lewis & Clark com -
munity on issues of concern
to students. We are commit -
ted to the free and articulate
expression of ideas. We do not
discriminate based on ethnic -
ity, gender, sexual orienta -
tion, disability, age or class.
We reserve the right to refuse
to print any advertisement,
submission, or article that
does not meet the standards
of the pi o n E Er lo g. Advertise -
ments, Letters to the Editor
and Editorials do not neces -
sarily reflect the opinions of
the pi o n E Er lo g or Lewis &
Clark College.
***
The Pioneer Log
0615 SW Palatine Hill Rd.
MSC 121
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phone: (503) 768-7146
E-mail: piolog@lclark.edu
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student fees.
H An employee reported graffiti
in the men’s rooms in Watzek
Library on Feb. 24.
Graffiti in the men’s bathrooms in
Watzek?!?! No way.
Next you’ll tell me people are
smoking that wacky tobaccy in the
bushes on South Campus!
H An employee reported
graffiti in a men’s room in
Fields Art Center on Feb. 25.
After facilities cleaned up the of -
fending vandalism, a senior art stu -
dent was found weeping uncontrol -
lably in the corner.
H An employee reported graffiti
in a men’s room in J.R.
Howard Hall on last Friday.
How many quips
can one human (be)ing
be expected to
devise about
graffiti
graffiti
graffiti?
H An employee reported the
remains of a fire in the reflect
ing pool on Monday. This
incident of reckless burning
was the second pool-oriented
fire reported this semester.
ALERT!
LEWIS & CLARK STUDENTS!
The perpetrators of this particularly
heinous crime are still at large!
Pool-related crimes are an ever
growing problem on our campus
and are one of the largest
contributors to pool-lining damage!
All student’s are asked to keep an
eye out for the “Pool-Fire Brigade.”
Members of this group are thought
to be between 4’1” and 7’9” tall,
human or orangutan in species,
and likely have a fully functioning
medulla oblongata.
Anyone with information should
send a telegraph immediately to
campus safety’s 24-hour pool watch
task force.
Information leading to the
capture of the
aquatic arsons
will be re -
warded with
seven freshly
baked scones.IT suggests tech solutions
to community problemsSpeech with gender: bad?
“problem of the Haitians.”
Cher said, “So like, right now for exam -
ple, the Haitians need to come to America.
But some people are all, ‘What about the
strain on our resources?’ Well it’s like when
I had this garden party for my father’s birth -
day, right…,” using a truly clichéd version of
valley girl language.
This exaggerated clip made it clear to the
individuals in
the room the
groundwork
for the gen -
dered use of
language.
This
and isn’t working with current technology,
and what additions could be made. EduServe
would like to “see if there’s a way to get things
done digitally.”
Hot topics of discussion at the planning
meeting included ways to revamp the LC
website, easing the online registration pro -
cess, digital classroom communication and
how to sustain information using the Inter -
net.
Refurbishing the LC search engine, add -
ing an all-campus events calendar and online
forums are all possibilities for the future of
the website. Online registration is another
thing that may be restructured, by making
automatic class registration “as easy as auto -
matic bidding on eBay.”
Warger and Lang said that finding ways to
communicate without being in the same geo -
graphical location could help build commu -
nity at colleges. New digital communication
methods that other colleges are employing
include podcasts or webcasts of classes
and chat Crime BeatCrime Beat / Crime Beat / Cri
Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crimeime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crby Tom Meath // news editorway of speaking is
more exaggerated
than what we en -
counter in our
typical interactions
with our peers.
It is true that many women do use the
“rising intonation at the end of sentenc -
es” and the “frequent use of ‘like’ and ‘you
know,’” explained Goldsmith.
Using hedges in speech often has the ef -
fect of toning down the message of speech
and could be perceived by the listener as that
individual lacking in confidence and power.
These are negatives, but the positive of
this gendered way of speaking is that it dis -
plays that the speaker does not have all the
answers and it is inviting input from the au -
dience.
The message of the brown bag discussion
was that speaking is gendered with stereo -
types of masculine and feminine.
Whether as femininity and val -
ley girl intonation or the mas -
culine use of power and confi -
dence, stereotypes do carry into
the classroom, the workplace and
even casual conversations.continued from GENDER, pg.1
ll
llllsscontinued from IT, pg.1The message of the brown
bag discussion was that speak -
ing is gendered with stereo -
types of masculine and femi -
nine.
rooms for professors and students. One stu -
dent at the planning meeting even brought
up the possibility of an LC wiki, which could
be a tool used by prospective students.
Digital sustainability of information was
another topic discussed. Content manage -
ment means everything from preserving files
to preventing data from disappearing off the
website. “What does it mean to be stewards
of information?” asked Warger. Who is re -
sponsible for selecting and storing what in -
formation we want to preserve from our
school? Should we digitally preserve senior
theses for generations future years? “We are
sitting back and assuming that someone is
making these decisions,” said Warger.
LC is renowned for its international
programs. One notion that the IT experts
brought up was making school resources
available not just to the LC community, but
to people around the globe. T ranslating in -
formation into other languages
can cost nearly nothing, but
mean everything—someone
in a country halfway across the
world could find Professor Gre -
ta Binford’s Spider Lab research
on the Internet.
IlluStratIoN by KathryN MIllerIlluStratIoNS by toM Meath3Volume 73, Number 1 News the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
Student projects, conferences funded by SAAB
by Mariah Shields // features editor
SAAB research grants have, in recent years, sent students to China, Ec -
uador and Palestine for various projects. Decisions on SAAB grants are
made by a board consisting of students and one faculty representative.photo by Katie SugarmaNThe Student Academic Affairs Board
(SAAB) is a multi-faceted organization on
the Lewis & Clark campus. As the deadlines
for SAAB grants approach this semester, stu -
dents are applying to use the money from
student fees for their own studies, events and
projects.
The SAAB grant program was started in
the early 1980s because it was “something
students wanted,” said V.P . of Student Aca -
demic Affairs Ben Brysacz (’09). Although
students were offered fellowships with LC
professors, “students wanted a chance to do
things on their own,” said Brysacz.
Money for student grants comes from the
annual fee paid by students on top of their
tuition every year. These are the same funds
used to pay for student activities and clubs
on campus.
Anyone who is a full-time student is eli -
gible to apply for a SAAB Grant, and there
are four categories of grants that students can
apply for.
Research grants allow students to invent
their own research project. The arts and ex -
pressions category is most commonly used by
senior art majors who are making the senior
projects and need aid to pay for materials.
The conference category offers students
the opportunity to present or attend differ -
ent conferences around the world. Lastly,
the visiting scholar grant allows students stu -dents to bring scholars to campus to discuss
topics the see as worthy.
“I like to look at grants as an investment
that will help the LC community,” said
Brysacz.
In past years SAAB has funded grants of
diverse location and topic. One student went
to China to study Chinese dam projects and
how they effect the local economy. Another
went to Ecuador to teach and study public
education in South America, and recently a
student took a trip to Palestine to do ethno -
graphic research and interview refugees.
Last semester the one visiting scholar
grant issued brought “Water Wars,” in which
Pulitzer Prize winners came to speak about
the environmental issues surrounding water
shortages. A conference grant allowed a stu -
dent to attend a discussion about C elegans
to increase his perspective of biological stud -
ies.
The application process starts with a stu -
dent drafting a grant proposal. This includes
their idea, the estimated cost and the sum of
the funds they need from SAAB. T wo board
members have to sign off on the project, as
well as review and edit the proposal to pre -
vent any gaps. Finally, students have to pres -
ent their proposal to the board.
The Board is made up of one member
from every major and minor, a faculty repre -
sentative, and Ben Brysacz and Sarah Gross -
berg (’11) (V.P .s who don’t have a vote).
Wednesday was the deadline for research
grants. The board will decide on this funding
Mar. 15. Both research grants and arts and
expressions grants have one round of appli -
cations each semester.
Conference grants and visiting scholars
have weekly due dates. Decisions in this case
are made on a week-to-week basis.
Students interested in Grants or participat -
ing as a member of SAAB can contact saab@
lclark.edu. LC students encourage boycott of Coca-Cola
from COKE, pg. 1
from campus because people
who come here like to think of
themselves as progressive,” she
said.
In 2001, Coke and its pri -
mary Latin American bottling
company, Panamco, were sued
for allegedly hiring paramili -
tary troops to murder trade
union leaders in Colombia.
The suit was filed on behalf of
the union leaders from Sinal -
trainal, a Colombian union
that represented most union -
ized Coke workers.
T wo years later, the Na -
tional Campaign to Stop Killer
Coke was formed to call upon
Coca-Cola to end and remedy
its alleged labor rights abuses.
According to Killer Coke,
nine union leaders in Colom -
bia have been assassinated by
paramilitary troops in the past
decade and half, allegedly to
halt their efforts to organize
unions and bargain collective -
ly.
“By keeping unions out
of bottling plants through an alliance with
paramilitaries, profits can be more easily
reaped as labor costs remain low,” said Ray
Rogers, director of the campaign.
These claims were supported by an inde -
pendent fact-finding delegation from New
York City comprised of educational and
union representatives, who returned from
Colombia with testimonies of “systematic
murder, torture, kidnapping, and intimida -
tion.” “We want to show that, as a Lewis &
Clark community, we don’t agree with their
actions,” said Katie Krussel (’11), another or -
ganizer of the Coke ban movement at LC.
The Coca-Cola Company has denied
these allegations. In 2005, an assessment
conducted by the Cal Safety Compliance
Corporation (CSCC), which was funded by
Coca-Cola, found that workers in Colom -
bian Coca-Cola plants “enjoy freedom of as -
sociation, collective bargaining rights, and a Megan Alpine (’11) and Laura Fraley (’11) table in Templeton to get Coke removed from cam -
pus. The Coca-Cola Company’s alleged humanitarian and environmental misconducts have
led to a nationwide movement.
work atmosphere free of anti-union intimi -
dation.”
Critics have pointed out that the CSCC
investigation cannot be considered reputable
due to the organization’s history of support -
ing a pro-sweat shop movement in El Mon -
te, California and disregarding inadequate
factory monitoring techniques.
Across the Atlantic, Coca-Cola bottling
plants in India have been accused of causing
major water shortages and contaminating lo -cal drinking and agricultural wa -
ter supplies. A plant in the state of
Kerala was asked to shut down in
2004 after local authorities found
in the discharge amounts of Cad -
mium (a chemical commonly
found in plastic manufacturing)
600 percent above the permissible
limit.
Since the Killer Coke move -
ment began, 19 universities and
colleges across the nation have
joined in on the boycott and re -
moved Coca-Cola products from
their campuses. Leading the pack
was New York University, who
in 2004 gave Coca-Cola an ulti -
matum: “Either address your hu -
manitarian abuses in Colombia
through funding a third-party in -
dependent investigation, or we’ll
never see you on campus again.”
The result was an assessment
conducted by the International
Labor Union that evaluated the
current conditions of the bottling
plants but did not address past
abuses or hold the company ac -
countable.
While she supports the Coke
ban, Anderson is aware of the per -
suasive power of these accusations already
made against the company. “You have to
be critical of the assumptions people make
about the company, whether positive or neg -
ative,” she said.
Natalie Dole (’12) drinks Coke but would
not be upset if the company was removed
from campus. “I could switch over to Pepsi if
it was necessary,” she said. “I drink it because
it’s here. It if wasn’t here, I could make do.”photo by Natalie baKer
The SAAB grant program
was started in the early 1980’s
because “students wanted a
chance to do things on their
own, ” said Brysacz./T_h is is free market eco-
nomics at its purest—the consumer shows approval and demand for a company by buy-ing its merchandise.Friday, September 12, 2008 Forum 4 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
Become a superhero!
by Adrian Guerrero // staff writer
I love being a consumer. We all love be-
ing consumers, though we can’t admit it.
/T_h e vast majority of Lewis & Clark students would be lost if they couldn’t walk into an
Urban Outfi tters and buy the skinny jeans
that hipsters love so much. It makes sense—
buying stuff negates our problems and makes us feel good, so even if I have 99 problems, my Nike kicks ain’t one.
If you think about it, the American way of
life is defi ned by consumerism—the Ameri-can Dream is to get out of the ghetto and get the money to buy more stuff . It’s an inte-gral part of our popular culture; like Rihanna says in the new T.I. song, “I got my mind on my money, and I’m not going away.” Leftist thinkers love to bash consumerism, but they are also fully a part of it.
However, as consumers, U.S. citizens
must realize that we can no longer buy most goods without aff ecting people around the world. Even in Canada, the land of the lib-erals and WTO protests, 80% of sports ap-parel is made in China.
It wasn’t always like this. WWII was the
golden age of buying American. U.S. na-tionalism drove the consumer to buy Amer-ican-made products, and it helped drag our economy out of the Great Depression and through the Great War. Back in the day, us-ing domestic goods was chic—down every street, people grew victory gardens and made their own clothing.
Today, we face another war and econom-
ic collapse, but the world stage has changed drastically. Because of globalization, buying American goods has become a chore. Con-sumers are convinced that it will cost more and be harder to fi nd, and this is based large-ly on truth.
However, buying American goods is
needed now more than ever. A sad fact is that many of the confl icts today between the Global South and Global North are prod-ucts of the consumer system that globaliza-tion has continued. Example: the Congo. /T_h e confl ict in the DRC has killed 5 mil-lion people—that’s more than any other war
since WWII.
How is this related to us? /T_h e answer is
everywhere we look—coltan (the metallic ore columbite-tantalite) and tin. /T_h ese min-erals are plentiful in the Congo, and are sold by rebel groups to make cell phones, GPS systems and the laptop that I’m using right now.
In the Information Age, computers and
high-effi ciency consumer electronics are part
of every minute of our lives. We communi-
cate over our cell phones and plan our lives using the Internet. What we don’t realize is that this way of life, our way of life, is only
possible because a coke-addicted Congolese kid with a gun is making money by forc-ing Congolese peasants to slave minerals out of the ground. /T_h at money is then used to perpetuate a war where raping women has become offi cial policy of the armed groups involved.
When we analyze the origin of the prod-
ucts we buy, we fi nd that this is not a de-viation from the status quo—multinational corporations commit, on average, 10 acts of treason or felony per week. Where is the law? /T_h ere isn’t any.
Besides regional free trade agreements,
which often aff ect the countries they operate
in more than the corporations that go there,
there are no real international regulations put
onto multinational corporations. Many of these companies are richer than most coun-tries; it means that the corporation is more
mobile and unfettered in today’s world than
any country, and even the United States.
What does that mean for us? It means
that we have superpowers. /T_h ink: corpora-
tions control much of the world stage, but
who controls a corporation? Not a govern-
ment, or any group. Consumers control cor-
porations. In a way, a company is more dem-
ocratic than our government. Why? Because average citizens can directly and instantly af-
fect a company by choosing (or not choos-
ing) to buy their product. /T_h is is free mar-
ket economics at its purest—the consumer shows approval and demand for a company by buying its merchandise.
/T_h e economic recession has everybody
complaining, but what people don’t realize is that it gives us, as consumers, more power than we have ever had before. Corporations today need every sale they can get; and be-
cause they are some of the most powerful actors in the world, consumers like us have direct say in world politics by infl uencing the actions of corporations.
Buying American means that we can do
three things—the fi rst and most pressing being that we can solve our economic prob-
lems. Every econo-mist agrees that con-sumer confi dence is the key to stabi-lizing the market. By supporting our businesses here and make the cash fl ow through the econ-omy again, we can kick-start Obama’s stimulus package.
/T_h e second thing we can do is give citi-
zens global power. Sure, we can write
to our senators and engage in
protests and all of those
other traditional
methods of
political ac-
tion, but our
most direct connec-
tion to the international
stage is through the multi-
national corporations that we
build our lives from. /T_h e fi nal result of buying Amer-
ican is a better U.S. image. By purchas-
ing American goods, you give something the U.S. has not had in a long time—pride. As conscious consumers, we can change the worldview of the United States from lazy im-perialists to truly visionary people ready to lead the world into the era of globalization.Guidelines for buying American point:
counterpoint:Gotta love
dem paninis.
I’ve gotta fi nd a fi lling and fully satisfy-
ing bite to eat between classes. A bagel is
just not gonna cut it today, and while fi ll-
ing, forget those disgusting protein bars.
Almost at the end of my rope, I fi nally stumbled across the magnifi cent panini.
Warm and toasty, freshly grilled, pita-
esque bread houses bite after bite of lus-cious fl avors. Saucy, succulent and simply sensational, nothing beats a panini. With three diverse and dangerously delicious styles, from salami, swiss and pesto, to tur-key, cream cheese and spinach, to roasted vegetables and hummus./T_h e tangy turkey is almost beyond
compare. With its roasted red peppers, creamy cream cheese and salubrious spin-
ach nothing can hold a candle to this
panini’s utter brilliance. Nothing that
is, except for the salami and pesto. Swiss
cheese, salty salami and perfect pesto
spread toasted in a tasty pocket of fl at
bread make up an astounding, mouthwa-
tering and delightful delicacy.
I have to admit that I’m a meat lover,
I just don’t understand those vegans and
vegetarians. However, that’s not to say
that the veggie panini is a bust. In fact it is
right up there with the other two. Hearty
chunks of mushrooms, zucchini and pep-
pers make the roasted vegetable panini a
pure pleasure to munch on.
All in all, whether you need a meal or
just a pick-me-up between classes, all of the paninis at Maggie’s are undoubtedly
the dankest items on the menu.
Looking for a break from my rou-
tine post-E&D snack, a chocolate-fi lled
croissant, I opted for a turkey panini at Maggie’s Café. Upon receiving the thin sandwich in a paper sack, I was immedi-ately nauseated by the noxious scent and warmth radiating from the bag. But, be-ing the sensible and stingy student that I am, I chose to consume the panini. Hours later, my stomach still grumbled angrily with a pain of regret—I had made the wrong choice.
Grilled paninis have a texture similar
to that of corrugated cardboard. Don’t be tricked by their faux ridges—merely the imprints of a factory machine. And the contents are just as horrifi c. Stacks of thinly sliced turkey, layers of dark spinach leaves, and provolone cheese organized symmetrically between two even coats of some sort of foul peppery paste. /T_h e com-bination of fl avors is absolutely appalling.
Maggie’s grilled panini is unsatisfacto-
ry not only for the mouth but also for the wallet. At an outrageous $3.50, every bite is like eating a nugget of solid gold. Just think about the myriad of other, better items that could be purchased with that kind of money. A forty of PBR. Almost two gallons of gas.
With ingredients like pesto, hummus
and spinach, paninis provide little more than meager sustenance. It’s not humanly possible to pack more than a couple hun-dred calories into one of those miniscule sandwiches. If you’re aiming for the high-ly recommended 2,000-calorie-a-day diet,
one measly panini will do nothing for
your physique. Not to mention the sand-wich’s lack of sugar, a substance proven to do wonders for busy students.
As a unit, the panini is a good concept
that failed to launch. My recommenda-tion? Replace the bread with something sweeter, and fi ll it with Nutella, marsh-mallows and fruit—then you have a win-ning sandwich.by Alex Warnes // forum editor
by Melody Parker // forum editorA dissapointment of a sandwich.Saucy, succulent, and
simply sensational.
Grilled paninis have a
texture similar to that of
corrugated cardboard. Don’t be tricked by their faux ridges.
/T_h is is free market eco-
nomics at its purest—
the consumer shows
approval and demand
for a company by buy-
ing its merchandise.
zens global power. Sure, we can write
tion to the international
stage is through the multi-
national corporations that we
build our lives from.
/T_h e fi nal result of buying Amer-
ican is a better U.S. image. By purchas-
ing American goods, you give something
the U.S. has not had in a long time—pride.
As conscious consumers, we can change the
worldview of the United States from lazy im-
perialists to truly visionary people ready to
The ever-popular panini sandwich is up for debate.PHOTO BY MELODY PARKER
ILLUSTRATION BY
DEANNA HORTON5Volume 73, Number 1 Forum the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
Sustainability is sexy
hey you!
Got something to say?

S E N D L E T T E R S T O T H E E D I T O R A N D G U E S T
E D I T O R I A L S T O P I O L O G @L C L A R K .E D USarah Bobertz // staff writer
Somewhere on South Campus, there
is a garden. It went mostly unnoticed by
students, until Alex Johnson (’09) wrote
a proposal last fall to institutionalize the
garden and take advantage of a great op-
portunity to bring sustainability home to Lewis & Clark. /T_h e dream? An organic, sustainable farm project that could em-
ploy work-study students and give the LC
community an amazing resource: truly lo-
cal produce. /T_h e produce grown on the
farm could supply produce to students,
professors and neighbors in the LC com-munity.
“/T_h is is about making the best use of
our resources,” said Johnson, whose advo-
cacy for this project has pushed it closer
to reality than ever before. An LC farm
would be the fi rst college farm in Port-land. /T_h e farm would also be a part of the growing CSA community. CSA stands for
Community-Sustained Agriculture, and
there are about a dozen member farms
in the Portland area. It is a trend in lo-cal, sustainable agriculture, bringing local produce to a community level.
LC is the perfect place for a communi-
ty farm. Its students are passionate about organic, local food and outdoor activities of any variety. /T_h e chance to learn about sustainable agriculture is a great educa-
tional opportunity, equal to any that could
be found in a classroom. What does it say
about our educational values here at LC
that learning about sustainable agriculture
and urban farming is somehow superior
to investing in an actual college farm? LC, along with most other liberal arts colleges in the U.S., values classroom learning over
outdoor experience in most cases. How-
ever, in recent years there has been a shift
away from the conventional wisdom that classroom learning is necessarily better, and the campus farm would be a perfect
opportunity to integrate a new kind of
educational experience into some parts of
LC’s curriculum.
/T_h ere is a lot of interest and support
on campus for the idea. “/T_h e project grew
really quickly and interest grew really
quickly and before I knew it, it was like a wildfi re,” said Johnson. Student, faculty
and staff support for a project proposal is
not enough on its own to make projects
a reality. Funding problems put the farm
proposal on the proverbial back burner, presumably to be revisited in better eco-nomic times.
After much budget trimming, operat-
ing costs for the fi rst year of the farm are estimated to be about $15,000, and the profi ts from the fi rst year would cover the operating budget for subsequent years. However, funding is not currently avail-able from any LC source. Discretionary budgets of various departments have been cut, and there is no Associated Students of Lewis and Clark avenue to fund this type of project. Like with so many envi-ronmental initiatives, cash fl ow problems
ultimately shelved the proposal.
/T_h e moral of the story is one of missed
opportunity. /T_h e path to sustainability is
about taking advantage of opportunities
that present themselves to us, no matter
what the cost. Energy effi cient and envi-
ronmentally-friendly options are most often those that cost the most or are the least convenient in our current system.
Organic produce is more expensive than
non-organic, solar and wind energy is
more expensive than oil and coal, and tox-ic materials are cheaper than biodegrad-able options.
/T_h e opportunity for LC to run its own
organic, sustainable farm is expensive, yes, but it is ultimately the best use of campus
resources. LC’s commitment to local food
has earned the school notoriety among
private liberal arts colleges, but in the case of the campus farm project, the school clearly has other priorities. /T_h e chance to
launch the fi rst college farm in Portland,
maintained by its own students, would
create opportunities for both education and experience in sustainable agriculture, an increasingly important industry in the
21 century. Like solar power and biode-
gradable chemicals, a campus farm is not
the easiest option to pursue, but it is the best one in our search for sustainability.
For more information about the project,
contact Alex Johnson at alexj@lclark.edu.Home on the range: LC’s new campus farmby Mariah Shields // features editorFrank Manor: friend or foe?
/T_h e Frank Manor House is the focal point
of any prospective student of Lewis & Clark. But for most current LC students, Frank
Manor is an off -limits icon, only used by ad-
ministration and tour guides.
Upon admission, LC students become
part of a community in which they should feel comfortable and at home. For many, this
campus is home for the next four years. Frank
Manor is a part of this community, and in ex-
tension a part of our home and we should all
feel comfortable spending time inside of it.
“Anyone can come in here to lounge, and
people should feel comfortable to come,” said
President /T_h omas Hochstettler. Some stu-
dents have argued that they have gone to read
or do homework in the Armstrong Lounge
and have been kicked out by staff , but the
fact is that students are allowed.
Frank Manor, however, is used for an ar-
ray of events. In situations where rooms are previously booked, students should under-
stand that there are other facilities on campus
for their studying or relaxing needs.
Frank Manor was, “always to some extent
a place where business was being transacted,”
said Hochstettler. But it has undergone many changes to make it less like an offi ce and more
like a home, which was its original purpose.
For example, Armstrong Lounge used to be
a pool of secretary desks, but has now been
refurbished to be more aesthetically pleasing
Alex Johnson (’09) on South Campus, where the LC campus farm proj-
ect is underway to produce fresh produce for the LC community./T_h e chance to learn about sustainable agriculture
is a great educational opportunity, equal to any
that could be found in a classroom.
PHOTO BY NATALIE BAKER
and available for students, staff and visitors.
“Lloyd Frank and his family used their
mansion as a social and cultural center for
their [peers] in the Portland area,” said Pro-
vost Vice President Jane Atkinson. /T_h at kind
of vivacity should be returned to the house
and the ideals with which it is associated. “[I love it] when students come in and play the
piano, which is out of tune, in the lounge. It
brings life to the place,” said Hochstettler.
When LC fi rst moved to this estate, the
mansion, Albany and the Gatehouse were
the only buildings on site. Frank Manor was
used as a ladies dormitory. It was able to hold
about 16 students in the attic, while the rest
usually commuted. In this light, students
have been a vital part of the Manor House
since this campus was established.
If students want to reclaim what they feel
is lost territory, they need to make the eff ort.
Call the Provost Offi ce to schedule an activ-
ity. /T_h is building is the icon of the College
for a reason, and it should be used to its full
potential. We are a fortunate school to have a
campus that is enriched with history, and stu-
dents should feel welcome to continue in the tradition of making memories in this build-ing.
If you would like an environment that tru-
ly feels like a home to study, lounge, or create, the Manor gives you that opportunity. And if anyone gives you any trouble when no sched-uled event is taking place, President Hoch-
stettler said to say he gives his permission.
The spirals of the staircase give off the artistic fl air students appreciate.PHOTO BY KAITE SUGARMANIf you are 20 years old and live in Lincoln,
Nebraska, there are pretty much three things
you can do to pass the time:
1. Visit the National Museum of Roll-
er Skating.
2. Cheer on the University of Nebras-
ka fi ghtin’ Cornhuskers.
3. Smoke pot.T wo of these things tend to get old
quickly. All of them are best if you don’t involve your cat.
Acea Schomaker, a 20-year-old Lincoln
resident, has a six-month-old kitten. It is grey, adorable, and, according to Scho-maker, has a tendency to get high-strung (pun intended).
Already wanted on a warrant of
possession of marijuana, Scho-maker was arrested this week when Lincoln Police offi cers caught him in his home smok-ing a bong, inside of which echoed the subdued mews of Shadow, the helpless kitten.
/T_h e bong was homemade
from Plexiglas and duct tape and roughly the size of a shoe-box. Shadow was found inside, totally stoned.
2. Cheer on the University of Nebras-
T wo of these things tend to get old
quickly. All of them are best if you don’t
Acea Schomaker, a 20-year-old Lincoln
resident, has a six-month-old kitten. It is
grey, adorable, and, according to Scho-
maker, has a tendency to get high-strung
Already wanted on a warrant of
Friday, September 12, 2008 Forum 6 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
CH O O S E YO U R O W N A D V E N T U R E :
A W E E K L Y P O L I T I C A L C O L U M N
by Helen Hunter // staff writerPot plus kittens sounds like a good idea; actually just illegal, immoral.
Now let’s just back up here for a mo-
ment. Schomaker said he put Shadow in-
side the bong to keep him calm. So his thought process must have logically gone
like this:
1. My cat is freaking out.
2. I have some extra Plexiglas.
3. Oh! I’m going to make a bong I
can put my kitten inside of !
I’m sure it sounded like a great idea
at the time, but the worst part of this story is Schomaker’s confession that the
incident that might land him fi ve years
in the slammer was not the fi rst time he put that poor kitten in a bong chamber.
/T_h is week, Shadow has been recov-
ering at a local animal hospital. Em-
ployees of the hospital are lob-
bying for the kitten’s
custody, so as to put it
up for adoption and in the care of a more humane owner.
But let’s not lose the
lesson here as we giggle
at the audacity of the Lin-
coln-kitten-bong-debacle.
Kittens are best for cuddling.
End of story. Keep animals out of
bongs. Animal cruelty sucks. ’Nuff
said./T_h e “chair request” happens dozens of times a day. We are
all guilty of that particular brand of solicitation, and every-
one approaches the inevitable situation in diff erent ways.
I was sitting in the Bon last weekend, having just fi nished
my once-baked potato and lingering over some coff ee that
somehow turned gray after adding skim milk, when I was
interrupted by a stranger’s request. “May I please borrow this
chair?” my interlocutor asked. She already had her hands
upon the chair, and I didn’t expect any future diners to disap-prove of the chair subtraction at the table. “By all means,” I
replied, as the furniture benefi ciary skipped away in delight.
I pawed at my gray colored coff ee like a disinterested kit-
ten, wondering why the color “gray” always seems to repre-
sent mediocrity, when I was approached by another hopeful chair-hunting pirate. “Could I steal this chair?” she jokingly
demanded. Before I had a chance to utter a word of response,
the hijacker had made off with her booty and I was left to
contemplate what had just happened.
I had just received two requests for a chair, in two com-
pletely diff erent ways.
/T_h e “chair request” issue got me thinking, “Do I sound
rude when I ask for chairs?” I decided I probably did. How arrogant I must appear, demanding a seat to support my
evolved, upright bi-ped eating habits, all the while interject-ing into important discussions about the pasta sauce, and
how it was probably just the tomato soup from the day be-
fore.
/T_h e best course of action, it seemed, was to inquire into
the nature of the “chair request,” in order to better under-stand it. /T_h en, I could revise my appeals for the ass-platforms in a more thorough context.
In the Bon, there are three types of generic chair requests.
/T_h ere is the appeal to politeness, the appeal to humor by
theft, and the appeal to utility. /T_h e fi rst form is the most
common, and the success rate is consistently high. “May I
please borrow this chair?” is simple and direct.
Perhaps the word “borrow” is a bit misleading, but we are
all willing to forgive the implicit motive that they are really
trying to take our chair, because they are polite. Politeness
wins the confi dence of princes, so the Chinese proverb goes,
and this form of the “chair request” is generally reliable.
/T_h e second form is the appeal to humor by theft. When
someone says “I’m gonna steal this chair!” or “Can I steal this
chair?!” they are approaching the situation with great con-
fi dence and, depending on the day of the week, might just
be drunk. /T_h ere has been great debate about using the im-perative or interrogative form of this particular request, but generally the success rate is beneath the appeal to politeness. /T_h e particular danger of the imperative “I’m gonna steal this chair!” occurs when the chair is actually occupied by some-one who is just getting a refi ll on their Diet Coke.
/T_h e fi nal type of request is the appeal to utility. “Hey, um,
is this chair being used?” is an example of such an approach. It is less risky than the “theft” angle, but is slightly more de-humanizing than the direct appeal to politeness. Econom-ics majors and people who are uncomfortable with the word “please” wield this type of request with mediocre success.
/T_h ey are most interested in the present condition of the
chair, whether or not its purpose is being fulfi lled. /T_h ese stu-dents view the room of empty chairs as an ocean of unreal-ized human potential and effi ciency, and they would quan-tify it for you, if only they had an Excel spreadsheet./T_h e “chair request” is an inevitable situation which our
community must confront every day. “People who take chairs think they are so popular. And I hate them,” Lars Steier (’10) said. Unfortunately, I have not come to a clear conclusion for improvement upon the chair request.
If we are to make progress, however, it is neccessary to
break from convention and discover new ways of approach-ing the “chair request.” I haven’t given the idea much thought, but I will leave with a few examples of non-conventional re-quests.
For instance, the appeal to Jane Austen fans: “My feelings
will not be repressed, I came to inquire about the relation-ship of this chair to its potential suitors. In sooth, I must request it for my own.” Or perhaps, the appeal to hippies: “Hey! Could I borrow this chair so I can sit on it and play
‘Rock Me Mamma’ a couple dozen times?”by Andrew Lyle // staff writer
How do you get what you need in the Bon?
ILLUSTRATION BY
MELODY PARKERPHOTO BY MARIAH SHIELDS
Shawn Williams-Brown (’09) waits for potential chair-snatchers to pounce on his table at dinner./T_h e art of the chair request: an insider’s lookFeatures 7 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
nine days out >>>>
friday saturday sunday
monday tuesday wednesday
thursday friday saturday6 7 8
9 10 11
12 13 14March 6th to March 14thby Kathryn Miller // copy editor
lit to look to:::
how long to cook up an outfit? how is it possible to rock it like you do everyday?
a word on clothing volume :::
“The Blue Room” - A play
Fir Acres Theatre, 7:30 p.m.
$5 LC students
Throckmorton Lecture: Mae Ngai
Council Chambers, 3:30 p.m.
Gender Studies Symposium
Templeton, ALL DAY
Bollywood Film - “Fiza”
Miller 105, 6:00 p.m.44th Annual International Fair
Templeton, 11:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.
“Milk” Screening
Council Chambers, 7:00 p.m., Free
Student Loan Repayment: Options and Strategies
Law School, McCarty Classroom Complex, Room 3
Peabody Award-winning writer Dmae Roberts
Howard 102, 7:00 p.m.
A presentation of her memoir: Secret Asian Woman
Gender Studies Symposium
Templeton, ALL DAYSaturday Market
11:00 p.m. - 4:30 p.m.
Gender Studies Symposium
Templeton, ALL DAY
17th Annual Pi Nee Waus Elders Powwow:
“Greetings to the Future Generation”
Pamplin, 1:00 p.m.My clothes don’t really conceal any -
thing about me. They are me, so it’s
hard to un-be myself. Plus, clothes
send covert messages, so I begin by
asking what I’d like to tell people.
1. John Berger’s book Ways of Seeing
2. Dick Hebdidge and his thoughts on style
3. I subscribe to Vogue, W, and hopefully Nylon now.
4. But most of the things that inspire me pass though
my head without me noticing. I also took several
classes on the history of fashion once upon a time, so
I quote the past a lot.
Sometimes I plan outfits like people plan meals at the beginning of the week.
It takes a few minutes to compose an outfit, but it takes longer to coordinate it
with the weather and the number of stairs I have to climb in a day.“My style? I hope it is deliberate, elegant, and in the words of Jacob Bourne, ‘Prom every day.’” I would sacrifice practicality.
Purely practical clothes don’t
exist. No one is exempt from
style. And if you have to be
impractical, you might as
well be really impractical. I
can’t compromise on the fit
of clothes. If clothes don’t fit,
I bring them home and sew
them to fit me. If a store does
not have my size, I buy the
piece anyway and tailor it.
Beautiful clothes can be ru -
ined by an awkward fit.what would you sacrifice?
a few of her favorite things
1. Making dessert for other people
2. Driving fast (not poorly, just fast)
3. Wednesday night special at Tryon
4. Baseball. It’s basically baseball season, so life begins now.
5. Post-structuralism. Tomorrow it will be Structuralism.
6. Mixed martial arts
7. Leather boots
8. Lil Wayne’s recent televised interview with Katie Couric
9. South African protest songs
10. Power tools
11. Drawingstyle source
“I like clothes that are like artifacts. I
have a shirt that was cut from an old
negligee. I have a salwar kameez from
the 60’s that’s yellow, has daisies, and
makes me happy. But things rarely last
long enough to become a staple. They
get stale. I hide them until later.”
I could go without repeating the same outfit for years. I'm sure if I
did the math, there are infinite combinations, but that's if you include
socks and things. Let's not include socks. The combinations multiply
because I recycle my clothing pretty quickly. I sell things so I can buy
new things.Henry Chanin,
though I’m a little
sad he made it into
Style Source
before me.
photos courtesy of kat kloppKat Klopp (’09)
Redwood City, C a
SoCiology/aR t
pRiSon RefoRm/fouC ault
style icon:Volume 73, Number 1 Features 8the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
( ((Photo of the week
/T_h is week’s photo was taken by
Cathy Grella (’11)
Submit original photos in
anticipation of the photo
contest to be featured as our
“Photo of the week.”
e-mail piolog@lclark.edu!
Contest submissions due by
Tuesday, April 7by Hallie Detrick // staff writerGetting to know the drivers of LC’s Pioneer ExpressFrom left to right: Raz drivers Jim Osbourne, Ken Poyneer and James Severance, still jolly after a day of driving students to and from downtown.PHOTOS BY HALLIE DETRICK
/T_h e Raz drivers: We recognize them by face, we occasion-
ally exchange pleasantries and sometimes we even carry on
short conversations with them, but most of us do not really know them.
/T_h ese are people many students interact with on a daily
basis, and yet we know very little about who they are outside of that white bus with the orange stripe we call the Pioneer Express.
We know which ones seem grumpy, which seem friend-
ly, the fast drivers, the slow drivers, the ones who make the ride more bumpy or smooth. But we don’t know their names, where they’re from, or what they do when they aren’t driving.
One driver, Jim Osbourne, is a 75-year-old retiree
originally from Klamath Falls. He moved to Califor-nia during college and worked there for a few years. In 1963, he came back to Oregon to take over his father’s trucking business.
Osbourne loves to drive. For two years after his
retirement, he drove freightliners across the country, which he described as a thrilling experience. “I saw a lot of country,” he said.
He has also pursued a hobby in car collecting for over 40
years. He began collecting in high school, continued through his time in the service, and remains a collector to this day.
“I have a brother-in-law in Sacramento. During the sum-
mer, we go around to all the car shows together,” he said.
Osbourne restores old Chevrolets, but not for the purpose
of winning awards. “/T_h ey give the awards to the cars that have been fi xed just the way they were when they were brand new,” he explained. He prefers to fi x them the way he wants to, without concern for show standards.
His love for driving is the same reason he now drives the Raz part-time.
Osbourne also loves talking to the students. When he
drove the day shift on Saturdays, the students called him “Grandpa Jim.”
As for the future, Osbourne has always wanted to go to
the Australian Outback. “I think I may be getting too old
for that, but you never know,” he added. Still, in refl ecting
on his life, he seems satisfi ed. “I’ve seen it all and done it all,” he said.
Another Raz navigator is Ken Poyneer, who is originally
from the Seattle/Tacoma area. In 1999, he moved to Vancou-ver, Wash. and has lived there ever since.
He drives the Pioneer Express full-time during the school
year and drives charter buses for Raz T ransportation during the summer.
“I enjoy the driving and the students. If I had to pick a
favorite part, it would be the students,” Poyneer said.
He has found the students courteous for the most part,
which was surprising to him, but gets frustrated when people try to get on the bus while others are still getting off . His only real qualm with his job, however, is having to get up at
4:00 a.m.
When he isn’t driving the Raz, Poyneer sings in a barber-
shop chorus based in downtown Portland.
If he had the time, he said he would travel more often,
specifi cally to the British Aisles.
Unlike Poyneer and Osbourne, James Severance has lived
in Portland his entire life. He got a college degree in account-ing, although according to him, he rarely uses these skills
now.
He started driving for Raz T ransportation because he
wanted something diff erent than his former job as a school
bus driver. He has worked with the company since 1991
and has been driving the Pioneer Express for four years.
Severance, like the other drivers, said the students are
his favorite part of the job. His least favorite part of his job is
driving in a circle all day.
“I used to get frustrated when students were late for the
bus,” he said. However, recently a student who was late point-ed something out to him. “She said, ‘you know, sometimes the bus is late too,’” said Severance. /T_h is made him realize
that the students are always tolerant when the bus is late, so
now he does not mind a minute or two of tardiness.
In his free time, Severance sleeps and reads. He mostly
reads religious books, because religion is a very important part of his life.
One of his life-long aspirations is to become a pilot, but
he hasn’t gotten around to getting his pilot’s license yet.
ILLUSTRATION BY DEANNA HORTON“I’ve seen it all and done it all,”
said Osbourne.
9 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009 Features
Music majors have been called to compose
for Captain Eric H. May. In 2003, May began
to write a melody on his guitar, which he entitled
the “Ghost T roop Anthem.” /T_h e Ghost T roop,
3/7 Cavalry was created in remembrance of the unacknowledged dead soldiers from the Battle of Baghdad.
“/T_h e original dozen or so GTs became the
core of several hundred eventually, and in many quarters we became a cyber intelligence source, with worldwide context and, in certain crucial instances, worldwide infl uene,” said May. “On March 19, 2003 my comrades began the ill-advised Bush war with Iraq, and this made me somber. While I watched things develop day by day on TV, I would play the melody. It was my expression of tragedy,” said May. Now he would like to have an accompaniment written to his melody.
May holds a black belt in martial arts, served
in the U.S. Chemical Corps in the 1st Cavalry Division from 1977-1980 and has taught Greek,
Latin and Russian to high school students in
Houston. But in 2006, he was diagnosed with
ALS.
ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, is
a fatal neuromuscular disorder that causes pro-
gressive paralysis of the muscles. As of today there
is no cure for the disease, which aff ects about
30,000 people in the U.S.
/T_h rough connections in the Athletics department, Profe-
sor of Music Eleonora Beck heard May’s story and asked six
Lewis & Clark music majors to compose accompaniments
for the melody in hopes that at least one of them would fulfi ll
May’s wishes.
Beck said that she liked the “idea of giving back through
music” and this could be a unique opportunity for her stu-
dents. /T_h ese students, who were given under two weeks to
compose and record their compositions, are Barra Brown
(’12), Catalina Schnitman (’11), Isaac Wynn (’10), Nik Wal-
ton (’10), Dan Lee (’09) and Ariana Lenarsky (’09).
Brown composed his melody for a woodwind quintet. He
began composing his senior year of high school. “Composing has allowed me to communicate with people through music
in a diff erent way than just performing,” said Brown. “When Nora asked me to participate in this project, I felt very hon-ored, and writing for a man that has endured such hardships was very inspiring.”
Brown’s composition brings May’s melody into diff erent
settings and time signatures to create the image of what May was searching for.
Schnitman composed her piece for piano and trumpet to
capture May’s military experience. In this project she indi-rectly collaborated with several other students on a composi-tion project to create six unique compositions which all have a common thread.
Wynn also began composing in high school and now by Laura Nichols // guest writer composes almost every day. “Who
could resist? A war vet with a sad mel-ody, it’s what I live for,” he said. Wynn
is a piano performance major and his
composition is written for solo piano.
Walton is a music and English
double major, and has been compos-ing electronically for about fi ve years.
His composition includes “real instru-
ments,” said Walton. /T_h is includes his
own whistling, a cello, a synthesizer, and a Rhodes piano.
“[Capt. May’s melody] felt laid
back to me, in a haunting way, so I
decided to use a lot of softer tones
that had a bell-like feel to them,” said Walton. “In the end, it started to feel very contemplative. Even if my take
on the melody doesn’t end up being
ideal or what Capt. May was looking
for, I think that it’s important to pro-vide him with an awesome opportu-nity to see what other people saw in
something he wrote.”
/T_h is project will give an opportu-
nity for May to hear a variety of mel-
odies the students create for him. “I
grew up on rock ’n roll and soul mu-
sic, but when I joined the Army at age
17, I went into classical for a decade,”
said May. “After that I became a true
eclectic, and listened to everything from hip-hop and jazz to country and Celtic,” he said.
/T_h ese six compositions were sent to May on Friday. Ac-
cording to May he plans to put all of the arrangements to-gether in a web collection and send it out to all of his media contacts and family members.
Plans are also being made to have the arrangements per-
formed on campus later on in the semester. May encourages any
other students who want to write accompaniments for his mel-
ody to do so.
For the scores of the melody you can go to www.spiritone.com/-
ghosttroop/GhostTroopAnthemContest.htm and for more infor-
mation about Capt. May and the Ghost troop you can visit www.
lonestaricon.com/absolutenm/anmviewer.asp?a=1386&z=132. Clockwise from the top left: Dan Lee (’09), Ariana Lenarsky (’09), Isaac Wynn
(’10), Nik Walton (’10), Catalina Schnitman (’11) and Barra Brown (’12). These six students have written arrangements for Captian Eric H. May’s melody.PHOTO COURTESY OF CATALINA SCHNITMAN
Josh Kollasch (’10) works through
the pain to keep up his stats at LC
by Mariah Shields // features editor
“I would go vegan for blowjobs.”
“I am an apple snob. It’s a
problem.”
“I found the most adorable grim
reaper this morning!”
“If there was a radar, we would not
be on it.”
“My boobs are fragile creatures.”
“It really sounded like a bull
getting a prostate check.”
Send your
eavesdroppings to
piolog@lclark.edu!
Eavesdropping
ILLUSTRATION BY PAYDEN EVANS
PHOTO BY MARIAH SHIELDSLewis & Clark students serve community with music
“/T_h ey don’t know exactly what I have,” said Josh Kollasch
(’10), as he started to explain why he, the leading scorer of
the men’s basketball team, missed the last eight games and three weeks of school.
Kollasch is currently suff ering from either Ulcerative
Colitis or Crohn’s Disease. /T_h ese are autoimmune diseases that infl ate and attack the intestine. According to doctors, the more progressed the disease is, the more surgery is neces-sary.
After having already undergone surgery once, Kollasch
is scheduled for one more in the early summer. “/T_h ey cut into my stomach and took out the infected area. I lost over 40 pounds in the hospital, but have already gained about 20 pounds back, the rest I will have to gain getting back into shape for basketball,” said Kollasch.“After the second surgery, recov-
ery should only be a matter of weeks because my cut is still open so that it doesn’t get infected,” said Kollasch ex-plaining why the surgery will not be as invasive this time.
“I plan on playing basketball next
year. I have had this infection since the beginning of [this last season’s] con-ference, but I didn’t know for the fi rst eight games. I played the ninth know-ing I had the infection,” said Kollasch. After his second surgery, “I am go-ing to spend all summer working out to get ready for the upcoming season,” he said.
Kollasch discovered the infection af-
ter having severe stomach pains, fatigue and dizziness. Doctors prescribed him medication with minimal testing, but with little eff ect, so he went to the hos-pital for further tests.
“I have missed about three weeks of school. At fi rst I
thought I would have to take time off , but it has not been too bad,” he said.
“My professors have been understanding and I have had
a lot of support. /T_h e medication makes me tired, but I am working through it.”
Student Support Services has played a role in helping Kol-
lasch keep up this semester. “I have talked to Rachel Orlan-sky and she has helped me outline my plan for the rest of the semester. She has also been helping me with future schedules because this infection can reoccur,” said Kollasch.
“My mom, my coach, the doctors and the guys on the
team have been my support system,” said Kollasch.
With recovery on the way and a support system to help
him through the hard times ahead, Kollasch is sure that “things will be back to normal soon.”
Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 10 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
The Poetics of Hip Hop:
Adam Bradley at LC
Assistant Professor of English literature at
Claremont McKenna College Adam Brad -
ley, dropped some knowledge on the LC
community last Thursday. Bradley was nei -
ther over-celebratory nor critical, but ex -
plained the important elements of hip hop
music: flow, rhyme and composition.
PhotoS by Natalie bakerDefrock. Debauch. Fade to dark blue. This is the formula
for The Blue Room , David Hare’s 1998 stage adaptation of
Arthur Schnitzler’s original story about sex and power in so -
ciety. With only 10 actors and 10 scenes, the play narrates a
string of sexual encounters and explores lust, fear and mo -
notony without moralizing desire.
This main stage play is the first production Professor Mi -
chael Olich has directed at Lewis & Clark. For that reason ex -
actly, audiences should expect great things. Everything about
the play seems entirely deliberate. One gets the impression
that Olich is something of a visionary, and he’s saved up his
vision for the past few years to execute a flawless production
that rarely errs from his initial interpretation of the show.
The set is stunningly stark, gorgeously lit and welcomes
audience members from both sides. The vision is obvious:
Olich wanted the stage to appear as simple as possible. Sim -
plicity, however, presents new challenges. As work on the
show progressed and the set was simplified, it became clear
that hiding flaws would be nearly impossible. The solution?
It just has to be a very good play.
Lindsay Alt (’11) is a theater lab student learning about
lights for this production. “[Olich] directed and designed
an atypical audience set-up for the show because he wanted
the actor’s relationship to the audience to be as personal as
possible,” Alt said. Olich certainly succeeded here. The stage
separates two opposing sections of seating, opening audience
members to the experience in a fairly fresh way.
The cast is responsible for all set changes throughout the
show. Scene shifts are brilliantly coordinated with on-stage
costume changes (usually from naked to clothed), which
compounds the audience’s sense of involvement and inti -
macy.
The magic of The Blue Room is certainly centered in the
brilliant lighting and set. “This is called ‘intelligence light -
ing,’” Alt said. “There are two very expensive lights we’ve
never used in a show here before. They can follow the actors
very accurately and swivel 360 degrees. The lights pulse at
varying intensity, and everything is controlled through the light board. Sometimes there are film clips that are also set up
on the light board. It’s pretty complex.
The technical side of the production provides the criti -
cally simple context for a convincingly complex cast. Alex
Johnson (’09) plays Fred, a blunt lummox of a taxi-driver
with a bad attitude and a no-shit strut. For Johnson, these
qualities translate into a commanding stage presence and sin -
cere performance.
Jesse Rope (’09) plays a mustachioed politician, fatally
wrong about everything he thinks he knows. Rope flings the
role into full effect by creating a visibly insecure character
who is equally intent on schmoozing in the name of politics
and screwing coke-snarfing dames.
This cocaine-loving dame is played by Erin Dees (’10),
who owns her role as Kelly, the model. In some productions,
the part certainly could be reduced to a dull, champagne-
guzzling cliché, but Dees channels brilliant energy to create
a creature so vivid and exciting that it’s almost impossible to
divert attention from her frantic shoulder-bag digging, pill-
popping frame.
The characters toss love around to such an extent that the
word no longer bears any meaning at all. There is no joy here,
though the show has many funny moments.
The rhythm of the play is certainly a critical feature. The
actors undress, get into bed, the lights melt, retreating to a
cool blue, the actors get up, dress again, banter a bit and go
forth. This formula is repeated in the park, the kitchen, the
floor and on numerous beds throughout the play.
In one of the final scenes, we’re told that the thing to do
is “establish an atmosphere and go on from there.” Olich and
this fine cast have done just that. See the magic this week -
end.
The Blue Room will play in the Fir Acres Theatre:
Fri., Sat. March 6, 7 at 7:30 p.m.
Thurs., Fri., Sat. March 12, 13, 14 at 7:30 p.m.
Sat., March 14 at 2:30 p.m.
$5 for LC students
$7 for alumni, faculty and staff
$10 for general admissionMain stage play revels in simple set, visionary direction
by Kathryn Miller // copy editor
Photo by Natalie baker
The Blue Room ’s intimate cast of 10, paired with unique lighting techniques, heightens the drama.Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 11 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
Panther: funky jungle-pop
Imagine James Brown mixed with late 70s
punk, or something. It doesn’t really matter
what you call it until you see it. Singer Char -
lie Salas-Humara leaps, skirts and shrieks his
way around the stage while drummer Joe
Kelly keeps the syncopated beats bountiful.
Before heading off for a trans-European
tour, Portland’s Panther had the opportunity
to sit down with the Pioneer Log.
The Pioneer Log: Favorite place to see a
show?
Charlie: Oh God, I don’t know. I like the
Cabaret and Metro because I grew up there.
It’s real nostalgic for me, I saw a lot of cool
shows.
Joe: Same, yeah.
CS: We’re both from the Midwest.
JK: Keepin’ love for the Midwest.
PL: Favorite music ever?
CS: I think my favorite music is classical mu -
sic. I really like Tchaikovsky and Beethoven
and Mozart. It’s kind of like the only standby
for me. That, and boogie-woogie.
JK: I don’t know, I think I’m too all over the
place, I like really obscure funk music.
CS: I like that, too. African funk is real
good.
PL: Like Afrobeat?
CS: Not necessarily, like, well the stuff I like
is from Togo and Benin. Real psychedelic
punk kind of shit.
PL: Favorite piece of musical equipment?
CS: I’m gonna guess that Joe’s is the drums.
JK: I’ll go with...the drums.
CS: Well, mine is the guitar. [pause] I don’t
really get into gadgets or anything. Joe likes a
lot of rototoms and shit. Bongos, he’s a seri -
ous bongo player.
PL: Any band that you wish people knew
more about?
[Lengthy pause]
PL: You can say Panther.
JK: I need to think about it.
CS: Yeah, I don’t know. I guess, all these
bands that I heard growing up, that nobody knew about but were really cool. I can’t think
of any, I’m really selfish when it comes to
music. I want to keep them all for myself.
JK: I’m surprised that as many people know
about Panther as they do.
PL: Was there any initial idea for Panther?
CS: Not really, no. It just kind of evolved. At
first it was more conceptual. It was kind of a
performance thing. To alienate the crowd, to
irritate people. It kind of turned into more
of a pop thing. Reading on blogs, people are
finally starting to get it. I used to always read,
“this electroclash thing.”
PL: What do you want people to think?
CS: I guess, not anything. I just want to be
categorized by what we do at the time. If we
were doing a country record, I want people
to call it country. Or whatever.
JK: It’s just so easy to listen to bands these
days. Just take a few seconds to listen to them
on the internet. When you read these blogs
and people say “Panther the electro-group,”
it’s like, really, you didn’t have time to just
listen?
CS: I think a lot of writers do that, they don’t
even think about it, they just do it.
PL: When I write about you guys, what do
you want me to say?
CS: Say, “obsessed with the ’80s.”
JK: They seem old.
CS: They seem much older than they look.
Or, they’re much older than they are.
JK: [Laughing] They look tired.
PL: You’re to Europe—excited or nervous?
CS: Excited. We’re not really nervous, be -
cause we have a really good friend who’s go -
ing to be driving us. He does tour managing
and driving.
JK: I’m nervous about flying, I’m nervous
about Russia. Somebody’s going to drain our
blood, blackmail our families.
PL: What’s your touring schedule like? Hec -
tic? Get to see the cities?
CS: We pretty much see the club, and the
dude’s house where we’re staying, and then
we’re on the road again. We’re going to try to make some time to see some cities.
PL: After show fun?
CS: Get wasted. Sexually harass my co-work -
ers [laughs]. No I don’t know, I like to chill
at home with my wife, watch movies. Create
music obsessively.
JK: I like to get away, I like to see things. I
like to read.
CS: I’m reading a book called White Tiger
[by Aravind Adiga}. It’s pretty good. My
mom suggested it; my sister-in-law gave it to
me.
JK: I just got this book, it’s called The New
Kings of Nonfiction [by Ira Glass].
PL: I heard you’ve added a new member?
CS: We were going to, but it kind of just
didn’t work out. There are a lot of different
reasons, but the main reasons was that we’d
already written a lot of theses songs and it
just wasn’t going to work. Or monetarily.
We don’t get a lot each show after dividing
it between two people, so dividing it by three
people we would get even less.
JK: We need someone really young. We’re in
our thirties, everyone we know is like, “We’ll
be in your band if we really love your band
and don’t have anything else to do.” I think we could get a younger person.
PL: When you play live, how much is sam -
pled, how much is actually live instrumenta -
tion?
CS: Basically we have piano and bass prere -
corded, and we play drums and guitar. It’s
just like having another member. It’s not
much more. Every once in a while it’s the
hint of a vocal, or little bits and pieces of
other guitar.
CS: They’re playing over their record and it’s
so good.
PL: Tour EP? Vinyl? Tell me about it.
CS: It’s called The Birds EP , and it’s a bunch
of songs we just wrote. I think it’s going to
come out in the States on the full length, but
we’ll probably just print 500 of them in Ger -
many. It’s on vinyl. I’m really excited because
it’s going to be there when we get there.
PL: Where did you record it?
CS: We just recorded it ourselves.
PL: New songs?
CS: Yeah, they’re all new. We wrote about ten
new songs, we’re playing about six of them
live now. Half of the set is from 14 Kt. God
[our last album], and the rest is from this
new stuff.
The Panther show last Saturday
at the Hush looked promising. Awe -
some, colorful posters advertised four
Portland bands that were slated to
play: T unnels, Meth Teeth, Explode
Into Colors and Panther. And it would
have been, if the police had not come.
As people trickled in, there were
chips and salsa to snack on, cool paint -
ings and screen-prints on the walls,
old movie theater seats to sit on, and
a funky chandelier hanging from the exposed ceiling beams.
The space was eclectic, it was fun and it was cozy as hell.
T unnels’ pysch-pop juxtaposed with trippy visuals warmed
the crowd up for Meth Teeth’s sloppy style of folk punk. The
energy was good and the vibe was good. The conditions were
set for a seriously good show. Then the cops came.
The Hush was an all-ages venue and creative arts space
located on the third floor of an apartment building in Old
Town Portland. Open for scarcely one year, in the past it
hosted a flurry of different musical events featuring local
and touring bands of every genre imaginable. The unifying
theme: all ages shows at reasonable prices, never more than
$10.
Saturday night, during Meth Teeth’s set, five police offi -
cers, two fire marshals and one representative from the Or -
egon Liquor Control Commission (OLCC) came with flash -
lights darting in all different directions. They did not pull
the plug immediately, they let Meth Teeth finish the set, but
while as the music continued they snapped pictures of the
concertgoers and venue.
After Meth Teeth was finished, a police officer grabbed the microphone and told everyone to go home. People did
not leave immediately but lingered on, hoping that the show
would continue. It did not. People slowly left, and huddled
outside the venue. The police drove by several times, but did
not take any action.
“Someone’s parents probably ratted this place out, which
is a real shame because they’ve been doing a lot of fun shows
here for a while,” said Portland local Nate Backous.
Rocky Tinder of the Hush explained the situation to the
PioLog, “All I can say is that we all knew it was a matter of
time, we knew straight up that if a fire marshal ever came in
to officially give our space a capacity it would be 49 or less
due to the fact that the performance hall is 3 flights up.”
“We have been so enthralled with the amount of inter -
est in the space that it has been a sort of throw the caution
to the wind sort of situation where we have been more into
seeing what we could get away with,” Tinder said. “We def -
initely didn’t intend for things to end this soon, it’s really
heartbreaking.”
At the end of the night, the story is not that the police
are fascists for shutting down the show, or that the folks at
the Hush are a bunch of irresponsible miscreants. After all,
the police were only doing their job, dying in an inferno is
no fun (although a disco inferno is infinitely worse), and the
folks at the Hush were trying to provide an all-ages commu -
nity art space. The story is that of an awesome venue that is
no more.
For now, Tinder intends find venues for all of the shows
that were previously booked at the Hush. But there is hope,
as Tinder said, “We are currently scouting out bigger spac -
es that we can possibly start a community venue in. Who
knows how this will turn out?”
Old Town’s Hush is silenced
by Liam O’Connor // arts editorCreative arts space and venue the Hush shut down by the authoritiesby Liam O’Connor // arts editor
Above: The empty Hush space before a concert.
Below: The police tell all the concertgoers to
hush up and go home.Photo by Liam o’CoNNorPhoto by Liam o’CoNNor
Photo CourteSy oF
eriN CoNNaLLeyJoe and Charlie express concern after the police come (see story below).Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 12 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
GET OFF
YeR ASS!ILLUSTRATION BY DEANNA HORTONJust in time for Family Weekend, /T_h e Alexander
String Quartet ends a three-day LC residency with a
performance tonight at 8:00 p.m. in Evans. /T_h e San Francisco-based quartet has performed in the major music capitals of four continents, securing its standing among the world’s premier ensembles. Widely admired for its interpretations of Beethoven, Mozart and Shosta-kovich, the quartet has also established itself as an im-portant advocate of new music through over 25 com-missions and numerous premiere performances.
$15 general; $10 seniors; free for LC community.
Activities Congress will show the Oscar-award
winning “Milk,” directed by Portland local Gus Van
Sant, as part of its Blockbuster Film Screenings series, on Saturday, March 7 at 7:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. in Council Chambers.
New Yorker Harvey Milk moved to San Francis-
co and became the city’s fi rst openly gay public offi -cial. /T_h e following year both he and the city’s mayor, George Moscone, were shot to death by the former city supervisor Dan White. /T_h is fi lm chronicles the
heart-breaking true story.
Brighton pop warpsters Fujiya & Miyagi play the
Doug Fir Lounge tonight at 9:00 p.m. along with last
week’s PioLog interviewees, Project Jenny, Project Jan.
Fujiya & Miyagi don’t really sound like anything.
Instead, they sound like everything condensed into perfectly arranged three-minute chunks of infectious pop music, a strange hybrid of James Brown on Va-lium and Wire gone pop. Or maybe Serge Gainsbourg with a PhD in electronics backed by David Byrne’s Eno-produced scratchy guitar mixed by MF Doom.
830 E. Burnside. $15 door. 21+
Algernon (James Knight) and Jack (Mat-
thew Waterson) celebrate their waning moments of bachelorhood in the PCS production of Wilde’s fi nal play.by Caitlin McCarthy // arts editorPortland Center Stage realizes
/T_h e Importance of Being Earnest
“/T_h e truth is rarely pure and never simple,” Algernon
declares in Oscar Wilde’s /T_h e Importance of Being Earnest.
“Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and
modern literature a complete impossibility!” Portland Center Stage’s (PCS) spring production of Wilde’s satiri-cal masterwork pays homage to this ever-enduring obser-vation, both in its impeccable attention to this modern piece of literature, and in the not unappreciated political resonance of our own modern life.
Wilde’s /T_h e Importance of Being Earnest premiered in
London on February 14, 1895; only months later he was arrested for and convicted on “gross indecency” charges, Victorian England’s revenge on his more or less unapolo-getically homosexual lifestyle.
Now, over 100 years later and even more miles away,
Portland has seen its openly gay mayor Sam Adams put through the ringer after the illicit love aff air with Beau Breedlove, many years his junior, was uncovered. /T_h e reverberations of context and content in PCS’s produc-tion of Earnest (directed by Chris Coleman) cannot be
ignored.
/T_h e poignancy is, of course, accidental, and the mean-
ing is found or not found only in audiences’ minds, critics’ reviews and press releases, not in the play itself. Perhaps if the decision to deliver Earnest to Portland had come
in the midst of the Adams debacle, attempts would have been made to fl esh out more of the proposed subtext of the play—the contested innuendo of the term “Bunbury-ing,” the symbolism of Jack’s identity-revealing cigarette case (allegedly a typical gift given to male prostitutes at the time), and so on.
As it stands, however, the play is performed at
face value; indeed it revels in the very superfi ciality Wilde so deftly wielded in writing his characters
and their interactions. James Knight is perfectly
Algernon, the fl amboyant and superfl uous bastard
you love to hate; Lady Bracknell is played with a
commanding aplomb that both comes straight
from the text and is actress Jill Tanner’s own.
/T_h e cast indeed milks Earnest for all its
worth—they declaim and philosophize at the au-
dience, letting their awareness of the fame and
fun of the play shine through each punch line and
each pause of comedic timing. /T_h e buzz around
PCS’s Earnest may be focused on the tragic po-
litical repercussions of a society driven to extremes
of so-called civility, but the performance is more
than comfortable with its, shall we say, terminal inception.
/T_h e Importance of Being Earnest plays through
March 29. See www.pcs.org/earnest for tickets
/T_h e Pioneer Log: How has the
National Tour of Wicked been
for you so far?Donna Vivino: /T_h e tour has been a really incredible experi-ence for me. I am very happy to be here in Portland now. It is by far my favorite place that the tour has been so far.PL: Considering these hard economic times, why is it im-portant for people in cities un-
used to Broadway-like produc-
tions, who may not have much
expendable income, to see a show like Wicked?
DV: I think that no matter
what is happening in the world
people need the arts. Frankly, I
think that the fact that “Wick-ed” still has an audience and is selling out despite the economy
is a testament to the fact that
the show is relevant, moving
and entertaining. People need to laugh and escape and the arts is so wonderful for that.
But a show like Wicked also
poses very serious and relevant
questions about society and government—all of which ring very true right now. Also Wicked appeals to all age groups so
I think that if you are going to see one show, it has the most
cross-generational appeal. It is something for the whole fam-
ily to enjoy.
PL: How much does culture’s collective investment in “/T_h e
Wizard of Oz” play into its success?
DV: I think that the “Wizard of Oz” element intrigues peo-
ple enough to come and see our show but once they begin watching the story of Wicked unfold I think that the “Wizard
of Oz” becomes a totally diff erent story to them and they
are now whisked away in a completely new world—and I
think that is what makes Wicked so special and surprising. Everyone knows the “Wizard of Oz.” /T_h ey grew up with that story. But not everyone knows the untold story of those witches and that is the story that Wicked
tells.PL: Had you read Gregory Maguire’s novel and/or seen the musical before you took the role of Elphaba for the National Tour? DV: I had seen the musical twice
before and was blown away and wanted to be a part of the show because I loved it so much. In terms of Maguire’s novel, I ap-proached things rather diff er-ently. I only read his novel up to the point when Elphaba goes to Shiz. I really wanted to approach my Elphaba from the script and music only since ultimately that is the story I am telling. /T_h e mu-sical is based on Maguire’s bril-liant story but it is a bit diff erent in many ways so I didn’t want to add things to the musical that aren’t there. I hope that makes sense. I can’t wait to read the
entire novel though when I am done playing Elphaba!PL: Does the original source of Baum’s “Wizard” (or the fi lm)
lend any infl uence to your personal interpretation?DV: None at all. T ruly. People ask me that all of the time and
neither Baum’s novel nor the MGM fi lm have any bearing towards my interpretation.PL: Last but not least, is it true what they say it’s not too easy being green?DV: It actually is too easy being green! /T_h e make-up goes on
in 20 minutes and stays on beautifully. It is taking it off at the end of the show isn’t easy. So I guess you could say that it isn’t easy being “de-greened”!
Wicked runs at the Keller Auditorium through April 5. See
www.portlandopera.org/broadway/2008-2009 for tickets.Wicked : Witch of the west coast
The tale of what happened in Oz before Kansas’s golden girl dropped into town is told in
the smash Broadway hit Wicked, showing in Portland through April 5 at the Keller Audito-
rium. The Pioneer Log talks to leading green lady Donna Vivino about everything witchy.
by Caitlin McCarthy // arts editor
Donna Vivino plays Elphaba, the not-yet
wicked witch, in Wicked’s national tour.PHOTO FROM DONNAVIVINO.COM
PHOTO COURTESY PORTLAND CENTER STAGESports 13 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
the untrained viewer looks animalistic in its sweeping lunges,
head fi rst feet following leaps and gravity-defying bounds, constantly skinning the surfaces of concrete-ridden injury.
/T_h is “art of movement” can or cannot be categorized as a
sport. /T_h ere are no formal rules, teams or hierarchical posi-
tions like most organized sports. No regulated fi elds are
required, and uniforms are up to the runner’s per-
sonal fl are. Moreover, no score is kept.
However, there is an unquestionable level of
extreme competiveness, derived from personal
creativity and physical
capabilities. T ricks
can be gauged by the “ows” and
“ahs” of observ-
ers and each ob-
stacle conquered
it a mini-victory.
Personal achieve-
ment and grati-
fi cation is at
the heart of this
sport. “/T_h e only
way to know your
full potential is to push
yourself to the limits,” said
Carter.
Free running has also
been making a break-
through in Hollywood.
Due to the high enter-
tainment value of the wall
climbing, street rolling maneuvers, the
entertainment industry has employed
these tricks in stunt sequences. Even
Madonna is doing it. On her Confessions
tour and in her recent “Hung Up” mu-
sic video, street tricks are incorporated by the chorographer challenging Madonna to step up her skills as an amateur tra-ceur. Old school style, Bon Jovi employs parkour and street running moves to get to the party in his “It’s My Life” video.
“Once a Parkour runner, always a Parkour runner” seems
to be the general consensus among the participants. Normal everyday pedestrian commuters “just looks like a bunch of robots walking around” blogs one traceur. So don’t be a ro-bot, try parkour/free running.
Have fun taking this week’s alternative sport to the streets
and don’t forget Carter’s advice: “If you haven’t broken a limb, then you aren’t trying hard enough.”/T_h e suddenly red hot University of Oregon Ducks
men’s basketball team looked to win their third straight game /T_h ursday night in Los Angeles against the Uni-versity of Southern California. /T_h ree straight wins do not exactly jump off the page as an incredible winning streak, but considering where the Ducks were this time two weeks ago, any win is a big one.
U of O started their Pac-10 Conference season on
January 2 with a 21-point loss to the USC T rojans.
Fourteen games and more than a month later the
Ducks fi nally chalked up their fi rst Pac-10 victory a 68-60 home win over Stanford. /T_h ey followed that up with a comeback win over Oregon State University.
Now the two game winning streak seems like some-
thing truly worth celebrating. /T_h e back-to-back wins saved U of O from joining neighboring rival Oregon State as the only team in the history of the Pac-10 to go winless in conference play. /T_h e Beavers did it last
season; the Ducks wouldn’t succumb to the same fate.
/T_h e disappointing part of this season is that U of
O was not supposed to be this putrid of a team. /T_h ey
were not projected as a top team in the Pac-10, but no one thought they would fl irt with a winless record in
the conference.
/T_h e Ducks are a young team; they have just two
seniors and seven freshmen on their roster. But even
their relative youth cannot be an excuse for fourteen consecutive losses. /T_h is team is only two years removed from an appearance in the Elite Eight, no one would have predicted this dramatic of a drop off .
/T_h e Ducks were not blown out in all their losses. In
fact, they were in position to win most of their games but somehow managed to lose each one. /T_h ey lost by only seven points on the road against California and then by just three points a week later at Oregon State. Despite the close margins, the Ducks still managed to lose. Moral victories, if we want to consider any of their game play as such, do not end up on the stat sheet, a lesson the Ducks will have to learn entering next season.
/T_h ere is still hope for this squad yet. /T_h ey won’t be
playing in any postseason tournaments and they are a long shot to even win ten games. However, they have a chance to play the role of spoiler when they play on the road against UCLA on March 7.
UCLA is the conferences’ second best team and
might look past the lowly Ducks. A win over the Bru-ins on their senior night would be a bright spot in an otherwise dismal season for boys from Eugene. /T_h e odds are against them, as well as their season’s recent ugly history, yet they could still pull off a beautiful Cinderella moment.
Looking beyond this season, the future looks bright
for the Ducks. /T_h ey have seven freshmen on this years’ team and their leading scorer, Tajuan Porter, is only a junior. In addition, star forward EJ Singler from South Medford High will join the team next year. /T_h e 6’6” Singler will provide scoring and athleticism on the wing, skills which this Oregon squad desperately needs. So although they have a pretty good chance of fi nishing with a pathetic 8-22 record overall and an even more stunning 2-16 record in conference, Ore-gon may be right back in the hunt this time next year.
/T_h ey have got some serious work to do, but the
pieces are in place for a turnaround in 2009-10. One thing is for sure. /T_h ey can’t lose 14 straight in confer-ence again. Or can they?
I guess that’s why it’s called March Madness. What’s up Ducks?
by Micheal G. Richman // staff writerPHOTO FROM COPYFIGHT.CORANTE.COM
Man to monkey in urban dance
Just you and your environment, engaged in a beautiful
dance of spins, fl ips, and sidekicks—welcome to the con-
structed world of hardcore arkour and freaky free running. In the cracks and crannies of the urban ’scape, these city crawl-ing “traceurs” pioneer a dangerously enticing radical sport,
turning man back into monkey in today’s concrete jungle.
In 2002, the United States got its fi rst public taste of
parkour and street running, thanks of course, to a Nike ad.
Remember watching that crazy dude, dressed sharply head to
toe in the latest athletic fashions, leaping from roof tops and
rolling across parking lots playing chase with a chicken? /T_h e
poultry wary star is Mr. Sebastian Foucan, French cofounder
of this “hypercool” aerobic activity.
Parkour, or as the professionals call it “l’art du deplace-
ment,” engages the abilities of the human body in movement with the environment, from trees to stair rails to lamp posts.
Foucan’s contemporary and fellow traceur David Belle iden-
tifi es the activity as evolving the body and mind to become
able to overcome obstacles or elude chickens.
In fact, parkour derives from a discipline related to mar-
tial arts as a defensive weapon for literally getting out of dangerous emergencies by running away. Free
running takes parkour and adds a more laid-back, urbanized twist, emphasizing street stunts and impressive-looking tricks.
Free running a more commonly
thought of as a form of urban
acrobatics and off ers an alter-native to the mundane jog around city blocks.
“We just do cool shit
off buildings,” said Ty-ler Carter (’10), who is on a leave of ab-
sence this semes-
ter. With moves
like the reverse vault, super-man front-
fl ip, and 360
wallrun, this
is undeniable.
Carter grew up in New-
port, OR and when he
wasn’t entranced in the lo-
cal “Ripley’s Believe It or
Not” Museum, he was free running with his gang. In Newport, the law
stands as a common enemy
to the sport, but nonethe-
less, the city off ered a pristine playground for Carter to “back fl ip off the elementary school roof” and other stunts.
Based on online message boards and blogs, such as ur-
banfreefl ow.com, parkour traceurs voice their increasing
popularity in urban hubs particularly focused in New York,
Washington, D.C. and Los Angles. Bubbling up from the
underground city scene where the demographic of young,
energetic, fearless teenage boys are recreating in the play-
ground of the buildings and streets that industry and com-
merce has built.
Messages like “You live, you fl ow, you die” characterize
the mentality of these mysterious wall jumpers. “Flowing” to Dangerous dance of parkour and free running offer an alternative sport for street wise
by Haley Brill // sports editor
“Bubbling up from the under-
ground city scene where the de-mographic of young, energetic, fearless teenage boys are recreating
in the playground of the buildings
and streets that industry and com-
merce has built.”
ILLUSTRATION BY KATHRYN MILLER/T_h e Pios women tennis team played hardball last weekend
against Willamette. /T_h e “bubble”
shook with intensity as the girls
rallied in a big win, scoring 6-3
Sunday afternoon and estab-lishing their 3-3 record in the season and in the Northwest Conference (NWC). Five of the six points were produced in that fi ery singles play that Pios are known, and feared, for. /T_h ere’s nothing as frghtening as a Pio in a polo and short skirt with racket in hand.
Amalia Nilsson (’11) took down the Bearcat’s number Women’s tennis rock the “bubble”
by Haley Brill // sports editor
one player, blanking her 6-0 in the fi rst set and picking up
the victory with a 6-2 fi nal score. Paige Earhart (’11), Jill
Coleman (’12) and Mika Yokoyama (’11) were responsible
for four more points from singles play.
Clio Beatty (’09) and Alix Dixon (’11)
teamed up in doubles to grab the fi -
nal point after battling through a
nerve-wracking tiebreaker.
Today the team hits the road to
face Pacifi c in another Conference match-
up. Hopefully they can keep a level head about
their recent big V and keep playing that good
old Pios tennis. Getting an upperhand in both
conference play and in the season’s stats is within
reach for this aspiring team. The Bearcats wimper away from the Pios’ domain Sunday after an important NWC match
against Willamette. /T_h e “bubble”
shook with intensity as the girls
rallied in a big win, scoring 6-3
Conference (NWC). Five of the
six points were produced in that
fi ery singles play that Pios are
known, and feared, for. /T_h ere’s
nothing as frghtening as a Pio in a
polo and short skirt with racket in hand.
Coleman (’12) and Mika Yokoyama (’11) were responsible
for four more points from singles play.
face Pacifi c in another Conference match-
up. Hopefully they can keep a level head about
their recent big V and keep playing that good
old Pios tennis. Getting an upperhand in both
conference play and in the season’s stats is within
ILLUSTRATION BY
KATHRYN MILLERPioneer softball played their first game against the
Corban College Warriors at home on Wednesday. The
Pios lost the first of the double header 11-1 while the
second game was postponed after the third inning due
to weather. The score was 6-2 in favor of the Warriors.
This begins the second season for Head Coach Juli
Fulks who also coaches the women’s basketball team
during the winter. Fulks agreed to stay on after last sea -
son while the College looked for a head coach for the
2010 season.
Before the game, Fulks elaborated on some of the
goals for this season. “Our number one priority is to
improve weekly as individuals and as a team,” said
Fulks. “We have spent an extensive time in the pre-sea -
son working on improving our hitting and hope to see
the rewards from that.”
One of the new freshmen on the team, Danielle
Blechert (’12), agreed that hitting has been a noticeable
strength. “We are placing the ball in good locations and
getting the hits needed to score runs.”
Fulks was excited to see how the new freshmen
would impact the team. “We have brought six fresh -
men in and expect them all to play and contribute,”
said Fulks.“We have two freshmen pitchers and are ex -
cited to see how they impact our rotation.”
Veteran player Sheree Miura (’09) saw that the team’s
age was a strength. “I would definitely say we’re in the
rebuilding stages,” said Miura. “Since we only have two
seniors a lot of the underclassmen will be getting play -
ing time, meaning more game experience which could
help out down the road.”
As for the competition, it looks like it might be a
tough year for the Pios. “The conference is one of the
best in the country with Linfield winning the national
championship two years ago,” said Fulks.
“LC softball is predicted to be second to last [in
conference],” said Miura. “Hopefully we can prove
them wrong.”
“Overall, the coaching staff is extremely excited with
our mix of returners and freshman,” said Fulks. “Our
talent and skill level is much improved and we hope to
see that carry-over in the season.”Sports 14 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
They say you either get T witter or you don’t. I fall some -
where in the “don’t” category, but I seem to have acquired
an interested curiosity that may land me on the other team
in the near future. I’ve been hearing for a couple months
now about this enigma of a website where one can “fol -
low” someone else’s “tweets” and keep up with what they
are doing.
As a loyal Facebooker with limited respect for, or inter -
est in, MySpace or any other social networking tools, I
chose to ignore Anderson Cooper when he told me about
his tweeting habit. I tuned out Dr. Drew as he informed
me that all my Loveline questions could be answered with
a personal message to his T witter account. It was not until
Charles Bark -
ley, just seg -
ments after his
tearful apology
to the TNT
faithful, made
an off-hand -
ed comment
about Shaquille
O’Neal’s tweet -
ing habit, that
I dared venture
to the website.
If you’re still
with me, here
is the best way
I can describe
T witter: status
updates. Basi -
cally it is a fo -
rum for users to
let other people
(their follow -
ers) know what
they’re doing in no more than 140 characters. Unless I
have turned a blind eye to all the other awesome things
that can be done on T witter, that’s about it. Simple as it
may sound, it is catching on quickly and is quite enter -
taining.
I trust Charles Barkley’s judgment when it comes to
entertainment. This is the man who once engaged in a
physical altercation with an Angolan opponent during
a 1992 Olympic game, and then commented in a post-
game press conference that “If somebody hits me, I’m go -
ing to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn’t
eaten in a couple of weeks. I thought he was going to pull
a spear on me.”
If that was any indication of the type of humor that
might be found on Shaq’s T witter, it seemed like a no-
brainer. It was just this week that O’Neal called Toronto The Bourne Sports Report
forward Chris Bosh the “RuPaul of big men,” and that
was in a newspaper. How much more candid could he
get? Take a look at his T witter for the answer.
O’Neal, who has over 230,000 followers, that num -
ber increasing with every refresh of his page, usually up -
dates his status with a new tweet about five times per day.
Known on T witter as THE_REAL_SHAQ, his frequent
posts mirror the image he has reflected since he hit Or -
lando in ’92.
Much like the NBA on ESPN commercial in which
O’Neal is seen playing Scrabble with Stuart Scott, laying
down words like “Shaqesque” and “Shaqzilla,” the comi -
cal self-indulgence continues online with tweets like “I
perform random acts of Shaqness,” “Ugh, I haven’t fallen
asleep yet. Shaq -
somnia,” and
“I had a Nokia
e90 but it fell n
da toilet, now I
have a Shaqber -
ry lol, I’m a toi -
let T witterer.”
Aside from
the comedy his
own quirkiness
brings to the
page, Shaq uses
T witter as a tool
to reach out to
his fans in what -
ever city he may
be in, often giv -
ing hints as to
where he is in
that city. This
past Wednesday
one tweet read
“I’m n the MIA
on the beach whoever touches me gets 2 ticket u have 30
min.”
Jokes aside, the way he has used the networking tool
as an avenue of contact with his followers is innovative
and impressive, and hopefully more public figures will
follow suit. For the terminally celebrity-obsessed, per -
sonal T witter pages make Perez Hilton look D-list. They
provide constant updates into the lives of figures that are
normally viewed as superhuman. Who knew Ashton and
Demi watched “T rue Lies” on Sunday night, or that Ryan
Seacrest “hasn’t peed since lunch”? Okay, so it’s not vital
information, but it sucks you in and keeps you wanting
more. As far as the normal, non-celebrity is concerned,
Facebook status updates seem to do the trick. An inti -
mate and often amusing tweet from a celebrity on the
other hand, that’s Shaqtastic. The Shaqtastic phenonmenon known as Twitter.com has swept the nation & the NBA
by Jacob Bourne // staff writerWhile one city in the United States is currently working
hard to bring Major League Soccer (MLS) to its residents,
another city is at risk of losing the biggest name in MLS to
the Italian professional club, AC Milan. Portland’s efforts to
renovate PGE Park and make one of its two minor league
soccer teams into MLS franchises come at the same time that
MLS’s Los Angeles Galaxy is fighting to keep British mid-
fielder David Beckham on the team and filling up seats in the
Home Depot Center.
Merritt Paulson, owner of USL First Division team the
Portland Timbers, is attempting to get city and taxpayer co -
operation to make PGE Park into a 23,000-seat stadium that
would exclusively host soccer matches.
Paulson, who also owns the Portland Beavers baseball
team, originally called for a new Beavers stadium to be built,
since the team would no longer be able to play in PGE Park.
This deal, if approved, would have required $85 million to
complete, the majority of which would have been provided
by city funds.
Not surprisingly, the 35-year-old son of former T reasury
Secretary Henry M. Paulson found much opposition to this
original plan, partly because of today’s tense economic cli -
mate.
However, Paulson is dedicated to the task of making Port -
land again fit for the title of “Soccer City, USA” (the moni -
ker given to Portland after The Timbers played here for the
now-defunct North American Soccer League (NASL) nearly three decades ago). Paulson continues to work on funding a
satisfactory proposal that he might present to MLS by mid-
March.
Sadly, however, as Lewis & Clark’s MLS-less city is seeing
a potentially exciting development in the American soccer
world, the L.A. Galaxy may lose its greatest monetary and
crowd-drawing asset, David Beckham.
While the former Manchester United and Real Madrid
star arguably did little for L.A.’s record (the team did not
qualify for play-offs at the end of last season), he did much
for the economic market of American soccer, as well as its fan base. In 2007, even before the official transfer of Beckham
from former club Real Madrid to the L.A. Galaxy was made,
the American team’s jersey sales had already reached record
numbers.
AC Milan, to whom Beckham was recently “on loan”
for two months during MLS’s off-season, originally offered
$3 million to the Galaxy for Beckham—a figure nearly five
times lower than his estimated worth for the L.A. team. The
Italian club’s efforts have yet to subside and their attempts at
an acceptable offer for the L.A. Galaxy and AEG, the team’s
owners, continue.
Beckham himself, in revealing his own preference to
stay with AC Milan, unknowingly pointed out the uncer -
tainty and tenuousness plaguing American soccer: “I obvi -
ously think there is a big chance that the game over there will
grow,” Beckham said. “I said it from the moment that I went
over there that it will take more than five, 10 or 15 years and
that’s not changed. I’m still committed as an ambassador, but
for the moment I want to play my football here.”
In five to 15 years, however, American soccer, at least as
it is organized now, may not even exist anymore. The NASL
met its demise after just 16 years at play, and since the MLS
saw its first games in just 1996, it might not have as long as
Beckham generously estimates to “grow” enough.
If “ambassadors” like Beckham abandon American soccer,
however, and the economic crisis continues, it is likely that
franchises like Portland’s own MLS dream team will never
even see the field. Portland or L.A.? Really, there is no Soccer City, USA
by Sanne Stienstra // editor in chief
Merritt Paulson, owner of the Portland Beavers,
turns to soccer and asks the city for help.Photo from oregonlive.com
LC Softball hits
the field hard
by Danny Garcia // editor in chief
“We are placing the ball in
good locations and getting
the hits needed to score runs.”
- Danielle Blechert (’12) Shaquille O’Neal likes to keep his followers up to date on his Twit -
ter site. See him here on Tuesday, March 3 getting his hizzair did. Photo from twitter.com/the_real_shaq
Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 Sports 15 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
Men’s Basketball
2/26
Puget Sound ............... (L) 86 - 74
Tennis
Women’s:
2/28
George Fox ......................(W) 6-3
3/1
Willamette ...................... (W) 6-3
Men’s:
2/28George Fox ..................... (W) 7-2
Baseball
2/28 (DH)
Willamette......................... (L) 5-0 Game 2............................. (L) 14-4
3/1-2 (DH - rained out)
Wilamette ...................... (L) 15-6 Game 2............................. (W) 2-1
Softball
2/4 (DH)
Corban .............................(L) 11-1
Game 2 (rained out)
in 3rd inning ........ 6-2 - LC down
Pioneer baseball picked up a big win Monday after a bru-
tal weekend face-off against Northwest Conference (NWC)
rival Willamette. /T_h e men hosted Willamette in a long week-
end that saw game play going all the way into Monday due
to a postponement caused by rain. Play began Saturday with a double header.
/T_h e fi rst inning of play by the Pios did not look prom-
ising, as there was a three up, three down performance by Parker Dane (’12), Michael Ball (’12) and Sami Morgan (’10). /T_h e next inning continued with little change as Willamette pulled away with an early 3-0 lead. /T_h ere was some hope in the double hit by Jordan Wlodarczyk (’09) in the second inning. Wlodarczyk made it all the way to third with a hit by Ryan Kostecka (’11), but Kostecka grounded out and an earlier out by A.J. Brown (’09) would put James Bray (’10) in a pressure situation.
Bray went down swinging and
the Pios were left without a chance
to score again until the sixth in-
ning. Meanwhile, Willamette picked up another run off David La Douceur (’11), bringing the
score to 4-0 with Willamette on
top.
In the sixth, Sam Holman (’11)
got on base with a walk that would take him to second from a
grounder by Dane. Ball would also advance to fi rst off a Wil-
lamette error. Holman got to third and Ball to second with a
single from Morgan, but the Pios did not get their chance to
score, as seniors Wlodarcyzk and Brown struck out.
Willamette went on to score in the ninth inning off relief
by Adam Rager (’11) that came to La Douceur in the sixth
inning. /T_h e fi rst game would see the Pios going scoreless to
Willamette’s 5 runs, a rough start to LC conference play.
/T_h e second game in the double header looking promising
for LC in the beginning but runs by Willamette in the third
inning saw the early lead quickly become a large gap. Both teams went scoreless in the fi rst inning, but LC came out swinging in the second inning, with scoring runs from Wlo-darczyk, who got on base off a triple down the right fi eld line
and then was brought in by a grounder from Brown.
Kostecka and Holman were also brought in by Kevin
Condon (’12) and Dane to bring the score to 3-0 in favor
of LC. Unfortunately, this early lead would not last and Wil-lamette would go on to take a big lead, leaving LC scoreless
until the fi fth and then not again. /T_h e fi nal score would leave the Pios with a loss, 14-4 and 0-2 for the day and in
conference play, while also winless on the season.
Game one on Sunday wasn’t any better and the
Pios were once again given false hope early as they kept up with Willamette in the beginning. Both teams scored one run in the fi rst inning but this would be the last time they were even. LC got its fi rst run from Dane who got on base from a single and was brought in by a fl y ball hit by Morgan. Ball
also got onto base in this inning
and went on to steal second but was forced to quit his journey after an out from Kostecka.
Willamette scored in the
second, third and fourth while LC would only score in the fourth, bringing Willamette 13 runs ahead with the score 15-2. At that point, the game was suspended with Willamette’s T ufo up to bat. /T_h e rest of the game and the fi nal match up
was postponed due to rain and
set to be re-scheduled at a later
date.
Luckily, not too much later;
both Willamette and LC hit
the Huston Sports Complex
on Monday to fi nish play. /T_h e
rain would not bring a win for the Pios but they did grab
four more runs in a big fi fth inning from a colos-
sal homerun by Brown that brought in both Ko-
stecka and Bray. Condon also scored off a double to
center fi eld by Holman. Neither team scored in the sixth or seventh and the game ended 15-6 with Wil-lamette walking away with another win secured.
/T_h e fi nal game would be much better for the Pios
who were looking to avenge their last three losses af-ter the momentum inspired by Brown’s homer. /T_h e momentum didn’t pay off on off ense, but the Pios, with Alex St. Pierre (’11) on the mound the whole game, held Willamette scoreless until the fi fth in-ning. /T_h is would be their only run of the day.
/T_h e Pios would see little action from the bats,
the only run coming from Dane who was brought
in by Ball. /T_h e sixth inning gave the Pios their sec-
ond run of the game from Ball who scored off a single by Kostecka. /T_h e Pios would take this one, 2-1 after a long weekend of play.
LC travels to George Fox this weekend but returns
to the Complex Saturday, March 14 at noon. Baseball grabs fi rst win of season
LC baseball battles Willamette through rain but gets win after three tough losses
by Nichole Carnell // sports editor
/T_h e Lewis & Clark men’s basketball team, seeded third
going into the tournament, ended its season last /T_h ursday to the number one team, University of Puget Sound. /T_h is game was the semi-fi nal round in the NWC and the Pioneers just could not secure a win to move them on to the next round.
First half ac-
tion saw the Pios coming back off a seven point lead to take control of the game due to a three-pointer from Tyler Tsu-kazaki (’10) with an assist from James Hol-lins (’12) with 11:20 left on the board. Unfortu-nately, the Log-gers could not be contained and took a sweeping 14-point lead with just over 5 minutes left. /T_h e end of the half gave Puget Sound the 11-point lead.
/T_h e second half would be a fi ght for the Pios as well, see-
ing as they were never able to regain the advantage. /T_h e clos-est the Pios got was within three, thanks to a three-point play by Typer Pappenfuss (’09). /T_h is loss to the unde-feated Puget Sound would end a rocky season for the Pios. /T_h e men’s team put up solid numbers this year and ended with a record of 16-10 and 10-6 in the Northwest Conference.
T wo seniors,
Papenfuss and David Berggren
(’09), received
nods from the
NWC coaches and were given honorable men-tions. Pappenfuss will also named 2009 ESPN/ Col-lege Sports Infor-mation Directors of America Dis-trict-8 Academic All-America First-
Team based on
his impressive 3.7
GPA and his con-
tributions to the
team. Josh Kollasch (’10) was also given Second-Team All-Conference honors despite missing the
fi nal eight games of the season due to illness. Be-
fore this, Kollasch lead the team in average points
per game (13.9), assists (76), average rebounds per game (6.2) and steals (22).
LC men’s basketball ends season
Pioneers post-season loss ends quest to conference championship and long year
by Nichole Carnell // sports editor
David Berggren (’09), along with two other players, were
named All-Conference after this season ended. PHOTO BY FRITZ FITZER
Jordan Wlodarcyzk (’09) with asst.
coach Eric Deovlet. PHOTO COURTESY OF JORDAN WLODARCZYKBackdoor 16 the Pioneer Log, March 6, 2009
You Caught My Eye
Please e-mail your“You Caught My Eye” to Piolog@lclark.edu
ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD JONAS
Inside the issue: /T_h e Top Ten
/T_h ings to tell yourself in the mirror
10. You are not a tactless slut.
9. You smell less like chloroform than yesterday.8. You taste good. And well.7. Journalism is not the refuge of the ignorant.6. Spelling isn’t impotent.5. You are not an ideal I.4. You will rock you.3. /T_h ere is no God.2. /T_h is loveless marriage is building character.
1. You aren’t afraid of babies.
• Portland’s children
/f_i nally gentrify.
Pg. 801• Kim Jong Kook continues to stock-pile weapons-grade charm.
Pg. -2.45• Area musician patronizingly smiles at your djembe playing.
Pg. 46
Ending your relationship: A flowchart
Decide to end your relationship
NoYesYes
YesYes
Yes
NoNo
NoNoNo
NoYour
relationship is
over.
Stop reading this /f_l owchart Tell your signi/f_i cant other?
Does
the cousin
respond to your
advances?/T_h rough
pantomime?
Accept an invitation to their family reunion to drop hints by making drunken passes at their cousin? Do you
sleep with
them
afterwards?
FailCuz, you
gotta drop that
shit if you gonna get
any respect.Talk with
granpa about
how things used
to be?
Honestly?Does this
become a new
relationship?
Ignore the
relationship
until they end it
themselves?Yes
YesYes
YesYes
MostlyYes
YesYesTime passesNo
No
NoNo
No
NoNo
No
NoNo
Yes
Your
relationship is
over.T ry the
next cousin?
Steep them
in radiation
unitl they gain
psychic powers and
can read your
mind?
Do they
smile, having
waited for this
excuse for
months? How
did you
get here?
Ok, /f_i ne.
Ask their
parents to tell them
for you?
Do you have
a protraced /f_i ght
that leaves both of
you feeling like shit, gather
your respective things,
and leave for CA? Do you
want to just
give up and go back
to them?
T urn to a
life of intrigue
and international
crime?
Do they
throw a glass of
wine in you face when
they /f_i nd out? Sleep with
their best
friend and/or
roommate?
High-
/f_i ves all around!
You
are in a movie.
/T_h e script will resolve
your problems.Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes
YesYesYes
Yes
Drive
home sobbing
along to “Rocky
Racoon.”Ironically,
their protracted death by cancer
makes you realize you love them again, and
you spend your remaining years loathing
your pitiful self.
Any
doubt they had about
how much of a douche you
are has been dispelled. Your
relationship is over./T_h ey’re
thinking too much.
Run from the room while
you can. Grow a
beard?
NoYou
have freed
youreslf, but are now
in an indie rock
band.You can’t
grow one?
Well, just glue a
bunch of hair
to your face.
NoYou: D-CampMe: Straight. If I were into dudes and the British
Empire, however, you’d be the swashbuckling sailor
I’d want to take me through the tumultuous waves of
historical interpretation.
You: ShortyMe: Having something you can de/f_i nitely reach...You: Swimming in the sea of ranch dressing.
Me: Looking for the right chip.
You: Scottish, hottish.
Me: Want to learn your tongue.You: Curly-haired half-Asian lankster who shivers in my psychology class.Me: Still waiting for you to talk to me.You: Incensed.
Me: Insensitive.
You: Look like a 1920s mustachioed villain.
Me: Willing to get tied up and scream.You: Wearing a red sweatshirt in the library /T_h ursday.Me: Saw you from the Mac lab, would click that.You: Brunette, short, walking past me silently Wednesdays in front of Howard.Me: Not going to pretend nothin’ happened.
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