Lewis & Clark College

The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College's Student-Run Newspaper

Volume 73, Number 19

Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper

Pioneer Log Staff

2009-03-01

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newspaper

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Lewis & Clark College: Pioneer Log / Mossy Log

President Thomas Hochstettler announced his intention to leave Lewis & Clark in June 2010 after six years as president.
He and his wife “have done a lot
of things in our lives,” h e said, and
they will be looking for a new ad-venture.
/T_h e President’s e-mail an-
nouncement said that he and his
wife had found “the great work that
fi rst drew us here has been largely achieved,” and that “it is time for a change in leadership” at LC.
“I haven’t been feeling the need
for ‘a change in leadership’ since Obama took offi ce,” said Assistant Professor of English Will Pritchard.
Volume 73, Number 19 Thursday, March 19, 2009 Cancun 2009!!!thePioneer Lewis & Clar k Colle ge’s Student-R un Ne wspaperLog
THIS WEEK IN
PioLogThe
Forum:
Features:       
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A&E       
Sports:                      
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Hochstettler to leave in June 2010
by Angela Webber //
news editor
Know your rights: Safety speaks to students/T_h e President’s e-mail an-
nouncement said that he
and his wife had found
“the great work that fi rst
drew us here has been
largely achieved.”
by Mariah Shields //
features editorLast Friday, Mar. 13, the Lewis
& Clark community was shocked
to receive an e-mail message from
President Tom Hochstettler. “I am
writing to let you know about my
decision to relinquish the presiden-
cy of Lewis & Clark College at the
end of the next academic year in
June, 2010,” it read, and continued
to describe the President’s reasons for leaving.
After a fi ve year term marked
with a noticeable lack of scandal
and a general reputation for posi-
tive growth and change, the Presi-dent’s decision to resign was, for most, a surprise.
“I was surprised and saddened
to learn of the decision,” said VP for Campus Life Michael Ford, who learned the news from the e-mail like most of the LC commu-nity. “President Hochstettler inher-ited a very diffi cult situation when
he was selected by the Board of
T rustees in 2003, and he’s worked diligently and thoughtfully, serving the College with distinction across
all three schools.”
President Hochstettler said that
he expected people do be surprised
by his announcement, but added that, “I don’t think there is a good way or time to make an announce-ment like this.”
President Hochstettler has
served in many roles throughout his career, at such diverse institu-tions as Stanford and International University Bremen, in Germany, which he helped found.
When asked what he would do
next, the President said, “I haven’t got a clue.”
He acknowledged that it is of-
ten the case in these situations that the one resigning is doing so for another position, but said that this was not the case for him.“I’d prefer stability and continuity at the moment.”
Ford, however, was not worried
about the resignation’s eff ect on the institution. “In terms of stability,” he said, “I’m a lot more concerned about the state of our global, na-tional and local economy.”
Hochstettler described, as part
of his reason for resigning, that he felt his time of maximum eff ective-ness had perhaps passed. He de-scribed the College’s position when he arrived (after the disgraceful res-ignation of former President Mi-chael Mooney) as a time of a “tran-sitory crisis of confi dence.”
“I saw my job when I came here
as fi xing that,” said Hochstettler. “Agents of change are sometimes not the best agents of continuity.”
“It’s been said that college presi-
dents, like corporate CEOs, do the bulk of their best work in the fi rst few years, then they run the risk
Students make an agreement
to honor Lewis & Clark School policy when they become offi cial students of this campus. On /T_h urs-day, March 12, students, CLAs and CLCs conducted an informational meeting to “talk about college poli-cies and fi gure out what they actu-ally are and why they are there,” said Forest Campus Living Coordi-nator David Rosengard.
/T_h is was a foreground for peo-
ple to “talk about the hypothetical situations they want to know about but try to disassociate themselves with because they are afraid of re-percussion,” said Rosengard.
/T_h e goal was to make campus
policies clear and “to get a weekly or monthly group together to dis-
cuss grievances,” and make dealings
with LC authorities more comfort-able./T_h e meeting was comprised of a
series of questions raised by atten-dants as well as anonymous emails and note cards. However, policy la-bels were not the only issue—the meeting was also concerned with how those in control carry out pol-icy at LC.
/T_h e majority of the meeting was
a question and answer dialogue held between students and Rosen-gard.
One student asked, “When and
why can a room be searched?”
Rosengard said, “/T_h eir needs to
be a reason for us to be there.”
Authority fi gures need to rea-
sonably believe that a policy viola-tion is occurring. LC’s fi rst goal is to protect students, and health vio-lations are an ongoing campus is-sue. /T_h is can mean anything from an alarm going off for two straight days or a student who might be contemplating suicide.
Another student asked, “When
can we say ‘no, you can’t search my room’?”
“Campus Safety always has the
right to search rooms,” said Rosen-gard.
/T_h ey also reserve the right to
search bags, pockets, wallets and anything else in which they fi nd reasonable suspicion. CLCs and
PHOTO BY NATALIE BAKER
LC’s fi rst goal is to
protect students, and
health violations are an
ongoing campus issue.
LC needs action
page 5
Pi Nee Waus
Powwow
page 9
with a noticeable lack of scandal
and a general reputation for posi-
tive growth and change, the Presi-
dent’s decision to resign was, for
most, a surprise.
to learn of the decision,” said VP
for Campus Life Michael Ford,
who learned the news from the e-
mail like most of the LC commu-
nity. “President Hochstettler inher-
Spring off yer ass!pages 10-11
NCAA breakdown
page 13
Continue on page 2, PRES.
Continue on page 3, SAFEVolume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008News 2 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
Pioneer
Log
the
Ed i t o r s i n Ch iEf:
Danny Garcia &
Sanne Stienstra
nEw s Ed i t o r s :
Tom Meath &
Angela Webber
fo r u m Ed i t o r s :
Melody Parker &
Alex Warnes
fEa t u r Es Ed i t o r s :
Deanna Horton &
Mariah Shields
ar t s Ed i t o r s :
Caitlin McCarthy &
Liam O’Connor
sp o r t s Ed i t o r s :
Nichole Carnell &
Haley Brill
BaCk d o o r Ed i t o r :
Ben Bateman
il l u s t r a t i o n Ed i t o r :
Robert McCormack
il l u s t r a t o r s :
Brad Jonas &
Jonathan Russel.
ph o t o Ed i t o r s :
Natalie Baker &
Katie Sugarman
Co p y Ed i t o r s :
Kathryn Miller &
Tony Pelton
st a f f wr i tEr s:
Kiel Johnson, Andrew Lyle,
Jared Schy, Rachael Green,
Helen Hunter,
Jacob Bourne &
Michael G. Richman
wE Bm a s t Er:
Heather Brooke Scoles
ad v i s o r :
Peter Christenson
***
The pi o n E Er lo g serves to
inform the Lewis & Clark com -
munity on issues of concern
to students. We are commit -
ted to the free and articulate
expression of ideas. We do not
discriminate based on ethnic -
ity, gender, sexual orienta -
tion, disability, age or class.
We reserve the right to refuse
to print any advertisement,
submission, or article that
does not meet the standards
of the pi o n E Er lo g. Advertise -
ments, Letters to the Editor
and Editorials do not neces -
sarily reflect the opinions of
the pi o n E Er lo g or Lewis &
Clark College.
***
The Pioneer Log
0615 SW Palatine Hill Rd.
MSC 121
Portland, OR 97219
phone: (503) 768-7146
E-mail: piolog@lclark.edu
http://www.piolog.net
The pi o n E Er lo g is funded by your
student fees.Crim
e
bea
t
by Tom Meath // news editorcrime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Be / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / at / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat s An employee reported graffiti
in the Watzek Library on Mar. 11.
The Piolog sent out a special graffiti
task force to determine the exact nature
of the graffiti this week.
The investigators discovered a sticker
with the phrase “hot nips” inside a pipe
access metal door in the second floor
men’s bathroom in Watzek. The same
bathroom also had the phrase “*Froggy
styles!” written in white on the top of the
toilet stall.s A student reported a theft from
Gantenbein on Mar. 12.
s An employee reported graffiti
in the Miller Center on Mar. 13.
The task force, try as they might,
could not locate the offending artwork.
Members speculate that it may reside
within a classroom or perhaps has been
already removed.
s An employee reported graffiti
in J.R. Howard Hall on Mar. 14.
Both the first and second floor men’s bathrooms in Howard Hall had the
word “volk” scratched into the stall plas -
tic. The second floor bathroom also con -
tained a waylaid cooking kettle.
The Piolog Graffiti
T ask Force is dedicated
to investigating graffiti
and bringing the most
relevant information re -
garding graffiti
to the attention
of the Lewis &
Clark College
community.of becoming too comfortable,” he said.
While Hochstettler says he has not gotten
“too comfortable” as president quite yet, he
felt that the next six years of his Presidency
would not be as accomplished as the first
six.
Professor Pritchard felt differently. He
said, “I do think it is true that, as he wrote,
‘we have moved Lewis & Clark forward on
every front in terms of quality, resources, and
reputation.’ Still, I kind of had the sense that
he was (we were) just getting started.”
President Hochstettler seemed to feel
good about his time at LC. When describ -
ing the role of the college president, he em -
phasized the task of “hiring good people and
enabling them to do what needs to be done.” Hochstettler to step down June 2010
He said that LC has the best leadership team
of any college in the country, and in terms of
the people who will be here when he leaves,
he deems his presidency a success.
President Hochstettler will remain at the
college until June of 2010, the same month
his youngest son will graduate from high
school. During his remaining time at LC,
President Hochstettler will continue to exer -
cise power, he said. His main goal is to co -
ordinate all of the planning efforts for LC’s
future under an “institutional umbrella.”
“We need to get better coordination
around our planning for the future,” he said.
The president will convene a new plan -
ning task force to coordinate these efforts,
not only around new buildings (such as a
new science center, performing arts center, in addition to the chapel and the new stu -
dent center), but also in terms of “what do
we want to be?” including in such areas as
outreach to the community.
Once President Hochstettler has moved
on to his next adventure, he said he will most
miss “the people—because when you come
down to it, that’s all Lewis & Clark is, is the
people.”
He described that this was “a painful deci -
sion because we have so many friends here.”
“One of my regrets is that people may
feel we our regard for the institution or our
friends is in any way diminished [by leaving
LC],” said Hochstettler. He said that he and
his wife have purchased a house in Portland
and plan to come back here when they re -
tire.
Diana Mutz offers initial
analysis of 2008 election
by Anna Michaels // guest writer
Diana Mutz lectured on various factors surrounding the 2008 election.
The Pamplin Society of Fellows hosted
the second lecture in their three-part series
on politics on T uesday night, this time given
by Diana C. Mutz, a professor of political
science and communication at the Univer -
sity of Pennsylvania.
Mutz’s lecture, titled, “Preliminary Analy -
sis of the 2008 Election,” discussed the in -
fluence of gender, race and the unpredict -
ability of the election based off of findings
in a national study that was performed to
20,000 citizens from October 2007 through
the inauguration, January 20, 2009. Regard -
ing race, Mutz found that both whites and
blacks favored the other race more and more
throughout the election, and appeared to be -
come more equal. Both races also predicted
that race relations would be significantly bet -
ter in 10 years.
Mutz also pointed out that this past elec -
tion was relatively unpredictable and that the
outcome of this election was unimaginable during the primaries. At the beginning of
the presidential race, it appeared that Hillary
Clinton would have been the Democratic
nominee due to her high ratings. However,
Barack Obama gained momentum and sup -
port, passed Clinton in the polls and won
the nomination.
The last lecture in the Pamplin series is titled
“The Uncertain Politics of Multiracial Identi -
ty” by Jennifer Hochschild, Ph.D. from Har -
vard University and will be on Thursday, April
16 at 6:00 p.m. in Bodine 300. Surge sets
off alarms
on campus
by Mariah Shields //
features editor
Lewis & Clark College expe -
rienced a power surge on Sunday,
March 15 at 3:22 p.m. Lights, com -
puters and clocks were only momen -
tarily affected, however, this surge set
off all fire and security alarms on the
academic side of campus.
Campus Safety spent its entire
Sunday afternoon walking around
campus to manually turn off each se -
curity alarm because there is no base
power source to control the alarms.
A fire engine also had to be called to
turn off each fire alarm because it is a
federal offense to disable fire alarms,
no matter the cause.
As a consequence to the untimely
manner it took to reset these alarm
systems, students and staff on the ac -
ademic side of campus were forced to
leave or work through the noise.
The cause of what set off the in-
house alarm has yet to be determined.
Power surges on the LC campus are
rare, therefore no strict policy has
been made to deal with this specific
situation and Campus Safety had to
locate each source of the alarms.
The repercussions of the power
surge knocked out all power in the
safety office. Although temporary,
this kind of power loss can affect LC
safety in the future since manually
rebooting each system is such a time
consuming job.
It has not yet been determined if
changes to our security system power
sources will be implemented. Mutz also pointed out that this
past election was relatively unpre -
dictable and that the outcome of this
election was unimaginable during
the primaries.continued from pg 1, PRES.
Photo by Natalie baker3Volume 73, Number 1 News the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
At the Senior Speaker 2009 competition
on Monday night, eight seniors presented
their best thoughts, reflections and ideas
about what it means to graduate. Out of
these eight, only one will be chosen to speak
at commencement. The chosen speaker will
get eight to nine minutes to put to words the
experience of a Lewis & Clark education for
the graduating class of 2009.
Potential speakers vying for the position
included Liz Carraro (’09), Ben Brysacz
(’10), Charles Halvarson (’09), Michael
Rae (’09), Autry Ligget (’09), Isaac Holman
(’09), Sarah Newhall (’09) and Tim Marac -
roft (’09). The speeches all touched on what
it means to leave the shelter of the LC hill
and become a part of the world. They all also
shared advice and lessons gained from their
college experience.
After all the speakers presented, a com -
mittee made of mainly seniors, but also fac -
ulty, staff and alumni, worked into the night
to decide on a speaker. Dean of the College
Julio de Paula plans to announce the winner
prior to spring break. As of publication, the
winner is yet to be announced.
Whomever is chosen will speak for an en -
tire senior class of students at the graduation
commencement on Sunday, May 10.
CLAs do not have this right, but can call
Campus Safety if they think there is reason.
“If you say no, you are stepping in the
way of campus staff and you will be required
to talk to someone about your reasoning,”
said Rosengard. After such a meeting is held,
a sanction can be issued.
Lewis & Clark does not have an exclu -
sionary rule, which means that Campus
Safety has the authority to search a room
whether the student is present or not. They
do, however, have to be in the presence of a
CLC or another third party who will write
an incident report (IR).
Another student was concerned about the
manner in which Campus Safety conducts
their searches. “I have seen people’s rooms in
complete disarray after Campus Safety has
conducted a search with no respect for per -
sonal property,” said Erin Reprecht. This is technically allowed, according to Rosengard,
but avoided when possible.
Drugs, alcohol and any other harm -
ful paraphernalia have to be confiscated or
drawn to the attention of campus safety
when found. This is to promote health and
safety, to avoid lawsuits and to preserve fed -
eral financial aid for the College.
If students have grievances about how a
policy routine was conducted, they are en -
couraged to report their concerns. The Com -
munity Relations Board (CRB) is a student-
run association that is meant to provide
representation for students in these kinds
of situations and should be utilized if neces -
sary.
Ombudsperson Valerie White is a staff
member who can be approached in confi -
dentiality when students have issue that they
are afraid to publicly air. If students would
like to file a formal complaint they can con -
Seniors compete to give speech at commencement
Seniors (top, from left to right) Charles Halvorson, Ben Brysacz, Liz Carraro, Michael Rae, (bottom, from left to
right) Sarah Newhall, Isaac Holeman, Tim Marcroft, and Autry Ligget presented speeches at Monday’s competi -
tion to speak at the May graduation commencement.by Kiel Johnson // staff writer
Quick excerpts from a some of the seniors’ speeches
tact the Director of Campus Safety, Timothy
O’Dwyer, or can ask a CLA for an IR form
to fill out directly. When official complaints
reach Campus Safety, they are obligated to
make a follow-up. If the complaint is serious
enough, or constant enough, severe sanc -
tions or even job termination can be issued
to CLAs, CLCs and Campus Safety work -
ers.
The following are
a few final answers to
commonly asked ques -
tions: Campus Safety
does have to identify
themselves in the dark
when they are ap -
proaching a student.
Campus Safety can go
into the ravine. There
is no policy saying that
students are not al -Our perception of the
vastness, gravity, and dig -
nity of the human en -
deavor must increase more
quickly than our actual
population, otherwise the
persuasiveness of empa -
thy will never restrain the
hand of greed in a planet
with more hungry mouths,
fewer resources to squab -
ble over, and evaporating
ecological resilience.
This is the task of be -
coming WE instead of US
and THEM; a challenge
in which many of us are
leaders. . .
-Isaac Holeman (’09)Skepticism cuts through
the rhetoric of “buying
green” and reveals our col -
lective desire to hold en -
vironmental protection in
high esteem without chal -
lenging the status quo of
conspicuous consump -
tion.
We cannot simply
change the names of our
deities and presume to
continue our vociferous
consumption unabated.
Our burgeoning popula -
tion inhabits a planet with
finite resources. . .
-Charles Halvorson (’09)Lewis & Clark has
helped us find the confi -
dence we need to influ -
ence who we are and who
those are around this. I
encourage you to take this
power into the world, and
use it to achieve the most
good wherever that may
lead you.
I would like to address
you today on the topic of
changing identity, some -
thing in which I’m sure we
all have quite a bit of ex -
pertise, as change is truly
the only constant in the
life of a student.
-Sarah Newhall (’09)
lowed on South Campus at night. There is
no incentive for CLAs to write IRs. Campus
Safety can give rides home, and will make a
report no matter the reason. Lastly, if a stu -
dent calls for help for a friend, said student
cannot get in trouble. “We want to encour -
age people to call for help, we really want
people to feel comfortable reaching out,”
said Rosengard.Meeting on safety explains policies and proceduresI suspect that it holds
true for everyone here that
we could not have made it
this far had it not been for
breakfast. And, I would
like to note that I do not
wish to undervalue the im -
portance of lunch, dinner,
and snacks, but for our
purposes today, our scope
shall remain limited.
Lunch and dinner are
post-graduate concerns. I
expect I shall become pro -
ficient in dinner by the
time I receive a doctorate
degree.
-Michael Rae (’09)
continued from pg 1, SAFEPhotos by Kiel JohNsoNFriday, September 12, 2008 Forum 4 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
Any governing body worth its salt even -
tually accumulates a stockpile of ridiculous
and archaic laws. For example, the California
Penal Code (11418.c) states that “any person
who uses a weapon of mass destruction” will
incur a fine that will not exceed $100,000.
The perpetrator can be jailed, with a 12 year
maximum. The Washington Post , in an argu -
ably more idiosyncratic example, recently re -
ported on Iceland’s law that all building sites
must be checked for the presence of elves, or
“hidden people,” before construction may
begin. Although less eccentric than disaster
provisions and pagan superstition, Lewis &
Clark has acquired it’s own eyebrow raising
codes and by-laws.
The Pathfinder Student Handbook states,
if you had any doubt, that “blackjacks, saps,
sap gloves, koshes, bludgeons, martial arts
stars, and weapons of the type commonly
known as nunchukas” are all prohibited on
the LC campus. That’s right, if an argument
comes to blows one must endure a brawl of
bare knuckles, and leave the ninja stars at
home. This policy is especially disappoint -
ing for those students who collect blunt, me -
dieval weapons or plan to reprise a role in
Steven Segal’s “Belly of the Beast”. The his -
toric fencing team thankfully dodged a bul -
let because LC has not banned swords which
have the combative efficacy of a fallen tree
branch.
This brings us to another policy of the
dendrological variety. The handbook states
that, the popular hobby of slacklining is only
allowed on “Douglas Fir trees with a diam -eter greater than one foot.” Now, I am not
questioning the stability of coniferous ever -
greens belonging to the genus Pseudotsuga ,
but to enact a policy of obvious botanical fa -
voritism is irresponsible and perhaps a little
capricious.
In a more chilling account, the hand -book states, “Resident students may not own
or care for pets, other than fish in approved
aquaria, in campus residence halls.” In re -
sponse to this, a cat lover, Lee Taylor (’11),
said, “I live in the campus residence halls,
and I certainly care for my pet—even if he
is 2000 miles away in New Mexico. I had no idea the handbook could take that away
from me.”
The College’s official condemnation of
feelings toward non-aquatic animals does
not seem in step with the progressive attitude
LC espouses. If anything, it reveals the op -
pressive influence of the tropical fish lobby
over this institution, granting them political
immunity in a proxy war of zoological dis -
crimination. For those students who actually
own a pet in their dorm, the issue is obvi -
ously delicate. CLA Jesse Wolfson-Pou (’11)
expressed the hope he would never have to
write up a resident and their pet, saying, “I
would hesitate to write up a cat or a dog.”
The Student Handbook also takes an in -
teresting stance on recreational skateboard -
ing. It states “students using skateboards for
the purpose of performing tricks or other
artistic expression will primarily use the ce -
ment area in front of Pamplin Sports Center
and will limit skateboarding activities to late
afternoon.” Hopefully, the policy’s rhetoric
will not decrease the exclusivity of being an
art major, but it does beg the question: why
can’t you earn creative arts credit for skate -
boarding?
When asked about the institutional le -
gitimization of skateboarding as an art form,
longboarder Joey Bosworth (’11) said, “I’m
fascinated, baffled and honored by the lev -
el of respect they show my craft.” He later
revealed that he has never successfully per -
formed a trick on a skateboard. The skaters
interviewed, not surprisingly, did not protest
the rule that they can only skate in the af -
ternoon, mostly because none of them are
awake before noon. Policies give students something to mull over
by Andrew Lyle // staff writer
It’s flu season and the annual chorus
of hacks and coughs are resounding cam -
pus-wide! While we all feel miserable and
hate life at the moment, there is no need
to unduly inflict your suffering on your
peers.
If you’re feeling under the
weather, remember to wash
your hands often and cover
your mouth when you
cough. To those of you
who feel communally
inclined to partake
in certain illicit sub -
stances, there’s a certain
etiquette all smokers
should adhere to when
partially or fully contam -
inated with flu-like symp -
toms. First, make sure you
let all other parties know
that you’ve been sick. Even
if you want to be part of
the group, it’s mean to
expose your friends to
your germs if you
might make them
ill. Remember that
you probably shouldn’t
be smoking anyway;
give your lungs a
break and go get
some sleep.
For those of
you who refuse
to be beaten down,
make sure to keep
your germs to your -
self by
burning
a lighter
over any
s u r f a c e
your mouth
touches. Ten seconds of flame
exposure should be enough to kill any
lingering germies, so fear not yea whom the bug hasn’t bitten! You can still chief
with your pals without exposing yourself
to undue harm, but make sure everyone
continues to follow protocol once the ses -
sion starts; safety is only ensured through
strict adhesion to hygienic principles.
And to you smokers out there; make
sure you consume a lot of
vitamin C! This protec -
tive vitamin coun -
teracts the free
radicals (the ele -
ments deleteri -
ous to body tis -
sues) produced
by cigarette
smoke, and also
enables vitamin
E to interact with
the peroxyl radi -
cals to prevent the
destruction of lung
membranes. How -
ever, vitamin E can
itself be made into
a destructive radi -
cal if inadequate
levels of vitamin
C are present. Vita -
min C aids the con -
version of vitamin
E to a non-radical
form, but in the
absence of ad -
equate vitamin
C, this pro -
cess breaks
down. So
if the to -
bacco god
has their
hook in
you and
you can’t
escape the
plea- sures of the nico -
tine high, make sure you stock up on or -
anges, broccoli, bananas, grapefruit, peas,
pineapple, spinach and tomatoes.Nurse Kratchit’s Corner
by Todd Slade // guest writer
Hopefully, the [skateboarding] policy’s rhetoric will
not decrease the exclusivity of being an art major, but
it does beg the question: why can’t you earn creative
arts credit for skateboarding? photo by Natalie baker
From left: Luke Rife (’11) and Katie Krussel (’11) skating outside Pamplin.
Russian rearmament:
the next arms race?
by Alex Warnes // forum editor
Emergency, emergency! Everyone to get
from street! The Russians are coming! On
T uesday, Russian President Dmitry
Medvedev announced a plan to
spend approximately $140 bil -
lion on updating and resupply -
ing the Russian military.
According to President Med -
vedev the primary task would be
to “increase the combat readi -
ness of [Russia’s] forces, first
of all our strategic nuclear
forces.”
Russian leadership has hinted
that this action has been caused
by NATO military build
up along some of their
borders. Concern was
also expressed about
regional conflicts.
Along with
this development,
Russia has an -
nounced that they
will be deciding on a
design for the next Lunar
Lander that they hope to
launch in the near future.
All this talk is dis -
turbingly reminiscent
of the Cold War. Then
again that was also a time
for mini-skirts and social reor -
dering, both of which I’m not
going to say no to.
But seriously, are we wit -
nessing a revival of circum -
stances that led to one of the
greatest domestic distraction
programs of the last millen -
nia? As much as the Cold
War period was a time of in -
creasing social awareness it was also a time of drama and fear in which the
American public was able to be sidetracked
at the whim of any political figure.
If Russia does increase its nu -
clear arms, will the U.S. at -
tempt to keep whatever cur -
rent balance they have and
increase their arms as well?
If so where will this money
come from? Of course the
U.S. has been actively en -
gaged in war during most
of the last half century,
which has helped to keep our
military up to date.
But if the U.S. has to engage
in further nuclear arming it
seems likely that money will
be siphoned, as it has in the
past, from valuable social
and educational pro -
grams. Why those pro -
grams most important
to voters seem to be
the most expendable in
the eyes of politicians will
always amaze me.
The Russian rearmament
announcement comes be -
fore a possible revamp -
ing of NATO require -
ments on weapons of
mass destruction proliferation
and missile defense placement.
Such a change could limit what
Russia and other NATO mem -
bers are allowed to stock up on in
the future.
All in all, whether or not we’re
thrown back into an immense
arms race with Russia, one thing
is for sure: if we don’t all die in the
interim we’ll still have to fill out
our taxes.
illuStratioN by alex warNeS
illuStratioN by kathryN Miller5Volume 73, Number 1 Forum the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
hey you!
Got something to say?
S E N D L E T T E R S T O T H E E D I T O R A N D
G U E S T E D I T O R I A L S T O:
P I O L O G @L C L A R K .E D U
Sustainability is sexy
/T_h e past year has not been an impres-
sive one for sustainability at Lewis &
Clark College. Only two initiatives really stand out in the school’s fi ght to become more sustainable: we increased fi nancial aid and the bookstore adopted a “sweat-shop free” clothing policy. /T_h e school has also decided to turn down the heat in all buildings to save money.
While all of these advances should
be applauded, in many regards we have moved backwards. While cutting the shut-tle service will save the school money, the costs will just be paid by the community, as we have to pay more money for cars, parking and time spent driving around.
/T_h e campus farm project, which was
covered by the Piolog a few weeks ago,
failed to get off the ground and has been shelved because no department was excit-ed enough to take charge of it. /T_h e school bike loan library program was also a fail-ure.
LC used to be at the forefront of sus-
tainable leadership, but over the last few years we are quickly being passed by. If we are ever going to return to being competi-tive with other schools we must ask our-selves why LC is at a standstill.
Here are a small fraction of the exciting
things going on at other schools and not at LC. /T_h e question is why?
— Portland State University received a
$25 million grant from the Miller Foun-dation for sustainability (the same people after whom our Miller Hall is named). PSU must match the grant in 10 years. /T_h is means that during the next 10 years at PSU, $50 million is going to be spent on sustainability.
— Oberlin College has
agreed to provide $40,000 to fund a “sustainable house” on campus for stu-dents to live in. /T_h e reno-vated house is part of an eco-design class and the class will continue to work with the house after the renovation is complete.
— Oregon State University
retrofi tted 22 elliptical machines to generate electricity back into the pow-er grid. /T_h is will produce an estimated 3,500 KWH every year.
— /T_h e University of Washington has
begun using goats to eat English ivy and mow its lawn on their Bothell campus.
— /T_h e University of Delaware has a hy-
drogen-powered bus.
— Following a nine-day hunger strike by
students, Stanford University is expanding its
living wage policy. /T_h is policy has now been
expanded to include contracted workers. /T_h e
reason we contract out all of our services is because LC has a similar living wage policy, and contracting out allows us to avoid paying
living wages. Where are the LC kids going on
hunger strikes for our cleaning ladies?
— /T_h e Oregon Institute of Technology in-
stalled a 150-foot tall drilling tower to even-
tually power its entire campus by geothermal
energy. /T_h e heat trapping plant has an initial
price tag of $4.5 million, but will result in
the school never having to pay for electricity again.
— California State University, Fresno has
begun construction on a solar panel-topped
parking structure system. One megawatt of by Kiel Johnson // staff writer
CH O O S E Y O U R O W N A D V E N T U R E :
A W E E K L Y P O L I T I C A L C O L U M N
Malaria Wars
by Helen Hunter // staff writer
/T_h e World Health Organization (or “the
WHO” by which they sometimes go, in order
to appeal to the young folk) announced last week that 3.3 billion peo-ple are at risk of contract-ing malaria. Each year, the WHO estimates 250 million people contract malaria and for 880,000 people the disease is fatal.
Especially devastat-
ing in Africa, 20 percent of childhood deaths are caused by malaria, and every 30 seconds a child dies from the disease. Ma-laria is spread primarily through mosquito bites. And since no one, I said no one, likes mosquitoes, the United States is going to step in.
American astrophysi-
cists, formerly involved in what was known as “Star Wars” anti-missile pro-grams during the Cold War, have developed a method for controlling and diminishing the population of malaria harboring mosquitoes: Lasers.
/T_h at’s right. Since the fall of the Berlin
Wall in ’89 and the end of the Cold War, these renowned scientist have developed what they call “weapons of mosquito destruction.” And they are lasers. (How cool is that?)
/T_h e lasers, after detecting the audio fre-
quency of a mosquito’s batting wings, fi res like a child clapping his hands around a mosquito on a warm summer night, causing instant death.
/T_h e head scientist of the project, Dr.
Jordin Kare, told CNN, “/T_h ere is no such To be or not to be? Sustainability on other campuses.
photovoltaic panels is being installed atop 10 metal shelters that will shade more than 700 parking spaces. /T_h e panels will provide about
20 percent of the university’s base electricity
demand, which is equivalent to the power
needs of 1,000 homes. /T_h e installation will cost about $11.9 million. LC just fi nished in-stalling solar panels on top of the gym, which
supplies .67% of our energy. And our micro
turbine is broken.
— New Hampshire College, like many
other colleges, but not LC, already has a
full-time paid Sustainability Coordinator.
To show how much they value that position,
the school moved the Sustainability Coordi-
nator’s offi ce alongside the Offi ce of the Pro-vost.
Someone at LC has dreamed up these
ideas, but those dreams have all lacked the support to become realities. Instead, every year we spend several hundreds of thou-sands of dollars on football, which bene-fi ts a very limited number of students. LC lacks creative action to change the priori-
ties of our school to promote sustainabil-
ity.
What are our school’s priorities
and how do we see those priori-
ties receive the resources they re-
quire?
“To be or not to be?” was the
question Shakespeare once poised to
us. We have the ideas to become a more sustainable campus, we have
the desire, we defi nitely already have
the words, but we lack action. If we as a community are going to become more sus-tainable it is going to require people tak-ing action, getting involved, and fi ghting
to make it a priority within our commu-
nity. If a liberal arts college can’t become
sustainable, then who can?
We should have a hydrogen bus instead
of canceling buses. We have the same re-
sources and similar opportunities as these
other schools. /T_h e reason we are not on
that list is that we put our resources else-where.
Whether it is the football team or not
(I think that would be a start) we need to
look at that list and think about why we
aren’t on it, and what needs to change to get us on it. Most importantly we need to act.
Change requires action. I choose to be.
thing as a good mosquito, there
is no animal or insect that feeds
exclusively on them. No one
would miss mosquitoes.”
He also added, with (I
hope, though I can’t say for
certain) a devilish grin, the
laser can sweep a single area
and “toast millions of mos-
quitoes in a few minutes.”
Environmentalists
have raised concerns
about other insects, to
which Kare has an-
swered that the laser
can detect between
“regular” mosquitoes,
and those that target humans
for their evil blood-sucking,
malaria-spreading agendas.
ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD JONASOther insects, Kare assured the questioners, would not be aff ected by the laser.
But the question begs to be asked: is this
the answer malaria-ridden parts of the world are looking for, or is this the beginning of an apocalyptic, robots v. humans sci-fi eco-thriller? And I mean this in all seriousness.
If this laser does indeed signifi cantly de-
crease the number of malaria related deaths, how will that eff ect the global population?
If this particular species of malaria-carrying
mosquitoes is all but eliminated from the
planet, what eff ect will that have on the food chain of the ecosystem of malaria devastated areas of the world?
Surely we know that no action can be
without a reaction. Is it possible that this laser will only do good? Or will it spawn the evolu-
tion of a species of laser-resistant mosquitoes. You have to admit, anything is possible.
ILLUSTRATION BY ROB MCCORMACK
by Helen Hunter // staff writer
/T_h e World Health Organization (or “the
WHO” by which they sometimes go, in order
to appeal to the young folk) announced last
grams during the Cold War, have developed
And they are lasers. (How cool is that?)
thing as a good mosquito, there
is no animal or insect that feeds
exclusively on them. No one
would miss mosquitoes.”
He also added, with (I
hope, though I can’t say for
certain) a devilish grin, the
laser can sweep a single area
and “toast millions of mos-
quitoes in a few minutes.”
ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD JONAS
Friday, September 12, 2008 Forum 6 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
Between Friday night dinner (7:00 p.m.)
and Saturday morning brunch (11:00 a.m.)
there is 16 hours. /T_h at is the problem. If you
wake up anytime before the Bon opens you
are off ered Maggie’s, your own stash of food, or nothing. If you are cheap, like myself, you forgo Maggie’s. If you are not cheap, but are hungry, you still probably forgo Maggie’s.
In an interview with the Director of Op-
erations for Bon Appetit, Dan Sprauer said, “In the fi rst hour, 10 people come.”
Interestingly, in a survey of 115 students,
96 reported waking up before 11:00 a.m. Of the 96 students who reported waking up be-fore 11:00 a.m., 52 percent reported waking up before 10:00 a.m., with 34 percent wak-ing up between 9:00 and10:00 a.m. 18 stu-dents reported waking up after 11:00 a.m. 77 percent of the students survereyed waking up before 11:00 a.m. reported being hungry at these times.
/T_h e results speak for themselves: there are
students waking up early on Saturday, and
they are hungry.
Seeing as this issue was only recently
brought to the attention of the Bon (the
General Manager, Mac Lary and Director of
Operations Dan Sprauer, were interviewed
on T uesday), I will not spend the rest of this
article lambasting the Bon for its lack of ser-vice; the issue is not as simple it seems.
As Lary explained, Bon Appetit works to
make its services as “labor effi cient as pos-
sible” keeping board costs down and the
majority happy. At the heart of the prob-lem are labor-costs: not enough people de-sire an earlier brunch to make it justifi able.
Also, because on Saturdays, Bon employees
work straight through dinner, extending the
shift an extra two hours would make the job unfeasible for many employees who rely on public transportation.
Moreover, Bon Appetit, as a company
policy, can’t schedule employees for overtime (overtime is anything over 40 hours a week). Adding to the diffi culties of opening earlier,
meal plan costs and the Lewis & Clark’s con-
tract with Bon Appetite are already set. /T_h ese
diffi culties aside, there are certainly some
creative alternatives that could potentially be
set up within the existing framework of the
Bon’s contract and hours of operation.
Ideas put forth by this reporter included
creating a continental breakfast (cereal, milk,
baked goods, fruit, drinks) available to the early-rising students.
Although limited, it would still be all-
you-can-eat, thus those ravenous with hun-ger could still stuff their faces and wouldn’t
have to wait until 11:00 a.m.
Sprauer seemed receptive to this idea; he
contended that the Bon could potentially open at 10:00 a.m. with such a meal. /T_h is re-porter felt that such a concession was not an
agreeable alternative, though he appreciated
the honest consideration.
Another idea included enabling students
to swipe their meal cards twice on Friday
night enabling them to purchase food at
Maggie’s.
A note about Maggie’s: since, as men-
tioned above, so few students go when it
opens on the weekend (10:00 a.m.), maybe Bon Appetite could consider opening it later,
saving them labor costs there.
Ultimately, what it comes down to is
this: students pay for a meal plan, and they
should be able to eat meals at times they want. Spending fl ex points is not a desirable
option to many because your dollar at Mag-
gies does not go as far as your dollar at Fred-
dy’s. If the desire is there, then a workable
solution should be as well.Hungry hungry hippos: brunch at the Bon
by Jared Schy // staff writer
/T_h e drip-dry campaign
by Alex Warnes // forum editorDevil’s
Advocate:by Melody Parker // forum editor
If you wake up before the
Bon opens you are off ered
Maggie’s, your own stash
of food or nothing.
St. Patrick’s day is just one example of
how the administration at Lewis & Clark
College abuses the students. An important holiday such as this one should not go un-recognized.
Not only does school continue as normal
on the day of, but, even worse, school is also held the day after. Which, for many, means 9:00 a.m. and even 8:00 a.m. classes.
Such scheduling signals to students that
the administra-tion does not be-lieve in or care for the kind of inter-national diversi-fi cation that LC should really care about.
Festivals and
celebrations are probably one of the most important parts of any culture, and to punish stu-dents for participating in such cultural events is a crime.
Other fantastic holidays that
the College chooses not to rec-ognize include: prune breakfast month in January, egg salad week, or 4/20 in April, National Blue-berry Popsicle Day on September 2, Peace Corps Day on March 3 or World Kindness Day on November 13.
/T_h ese are only a few of the massive num-
ber of holidays
that the College refuses to
recognize.
Sure, if every holiday were to be account-ed for we wouldn’t ever even have a class. However, there are certainly some unrecog-nized holidays that are seriously detrimen-tal to LC students.
/T_h e example of St. Paddy’s day is one,
Halloween is another example of a holiday that if it doesn’t land on a weekend will seri-ously hurt students attempting to make it to class the following day.
To combat this serious problem I would
like to see a committee established to reex-amine the holiday schedule for the school.
Made up of
students, fac-ulty and staff , in other words all those who would be af-fected by such changes, the committee would identify important holi-
days and reconfi g-
ure the school
schedule so as to take them
into account.
Without a
doubt, something
needs to be done in regarding
the lack of holiday recogni-
tion on campus.
Without serious ac-
tion in the near future
students will continue to
be unfairly punished by a schedule that re-fuses to acknowledge some of the most im-por
tant days for celebration.Students unfairly punished for
holiday celebrationsILLUSTRATION BY MELODY PARKER
/T_h ink about how many times a week
you dry your hands, blow-dry your hair,
blow your nose, wipe yourself after going to the bathroom and dry your dishes or clothing. Each of these actions contrib-utes to the waste of materials and energy, and each of them is entirely preventable through utilization of a centuries-old method: the drip dry.
Drip-drying is the most basic approach
to drying. Simply put, you just gotta let it all hang out. /T_h e institutional paper tow-els found on the LC campus contribute to the 40 percent (71.8 million tons) of land-fi ll waste that is paper. In ani-mal units, that’s equivalent to 71.8 million hippos.
It’s baffl ing that Lewis &
Clark students apparently don’t understand the basic tenants of the water cycle: water evaporates. Didn’t we all learn that in 2nd grade science? Now use what you know!
Stop your freshly washed
hands from reaching for that wasteful (and probably infec-tious) paper towel dispenser. Instead, shake out your hands or wipe them on your jeans. Plus, it’s al-ways a good conversation starter:
“Why are your hands so…wet?” “Don’t worry about it baby, I’m just sav-
ing the planet.”
It’s time to put away those energy-suck-
ing hair dryers: letting your hair air-dry locks in moisture and is healthier for your hair sheath. And ladies, lose the straight-eners: we all know springtime means rain, and your curly secret will be revealed whether you like it or not.
Snot in your snout? Forget tissues—it’s
called the snot rocket, and everyone’s do-ing it.
It’s undeniably moist, but entirely pos-sible to go to the bathroom without using
toilet paper. Ever been camping? Now all of
you forest-dwellers, please don’t start stock-
ing the bathrooms with leaves and pinecones.
I’m just suggesting that it’s feasible and nec-
essary for all of us to cut down on our toilet
paper waste.
Fun fact: /T_h e Pentagon uses, on average,
666 rolls of paper a day. /T_h at’s approximately
42 people per roll, and about 48 sheets per
person. Embarrassing.
Beat the Pentagon by waiting a few ex-
tra seconds for evaporation to occur, or just
doing the old zip and go. If you really can’t stand not wiping, at least separate your toi-
let paper from double to single ply—single
ply is also easier for septic systems to break
down.
Eliminating dryer use after washing
your clothes is also possible using the drip-
dry methodology. Take advantage of those
clotheslines in the dorm laundry rooms, or better yet purchase a wooden dryer rack for your personal use (or share with your room-
mate).
Unless you’re a pleated suit or skirt wearer,
most college students have no need to worry
about wrinkled clothing…but just in case you’re extra concerned about clothing crin-
kles, you can always use your hair straight-
ener (or a regular iron) to smooth those ob-
noxious creases.
PHOTO BY NATALIE BAKER
You know what to do. More like, not do. Sure, if every holiday were to
be accounted for we wouldn’t
ever even have a class. How-
ever, there are certainly some unrecognized holidays that are seriously detrimental to LC
students. Features 7 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
nine days out >>>>
thursday friday saturday
SUNDAY THROUGH SUNDAY
wednesday thursday friday19 20 21
22 29
30 31 1March 19 th to April 1 stby Kathryn Miller // copy editor
style source
Tracy Peel (’10) & Isaac Wynn (’10)
arIzona
arT hIs Tory
isaac describes peelstyle glamour
shot
bowie
lover
hater
slug
banana
face
hit
you:: free associate ::
[miss peel starts]:: free associate ::
[wynn starts]
angel dust
cocaine
love machine
sex
workaholic
shop til ya drop
ace in the hole
yellow
solid dollish
precious
trainwreck angelrugged
mysterious
darkunwashed
demure
sex kitten holds a ’90s grudge
what a fashionistaprecious
photo by kathryn miller oregon
MusIc
peel describes wynn
Bollywood Film Screening: “Lagaan”
Miller 105, 6:00 p.m.
SAAB Arts Grant Deadline
12:00 p.m.Brian Jonestown Massacre
Crystal Ballroom, 9:00 p.m.
$18 advance $20 door
SPRING BREAK!
April Fool’s Day!Faculty Percussion Recital
Evans, 8:00 p.m.
Truth & Reconciliation Commision,
Republic of Korea
Albany Quadrangle, 3:30 p.m.-5:00 p.m.Asian Collection Highlights tour
Portland Art Museum, 3:00 p.m.-4:00 p.m.
Free for members or with museum admission
Oregon Zoo Wildlife Conservation Lecture
The Spotted Hyena: Fact & Fiction
Oregon Zoo, 7:00 p.m.
$8 studentsVolume 73, Number 1 Features 8the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
( ((Photo of
the week
/T_h is week’s photo was taken by
Stephanie Taimi-Mandel (’09)
Submit original photos
in anticipation of the
photo contest to be
featured as our
“Photo of the week.”
e-mail piolog@lclark.edu!
Contest submissions due by
Tuesday, April 7by Rachael Green // staff writerTHE
HERB
BLURB
An intern at The Herb Shoppe shares
her discoveries as she explores
the fascinating world of herbs:
This week, Nettle
Stitch n’ Bitch knits, does crafts
by Deanna Horton // features editorPHOTO BY NATALIE BAKERWhile most of us are looking forward to the green
grass and fl ora of the summer months, about 20 per-
cent of the population will struggle to some degree with watery eyes and bouts of sneezing. /T_h e annoy-ances of allergies are frustrating but they can be helped without resorting to expensive antihistamines, which will only suppress the physical symptoms and fail to address the underlying causes. /T_h e solution is nettle: an herb native to the Pacifi c Northwest and famous for counteracting the symptoms of allergies.
Seasonal allergies are caused by the release of in-
fl ammatory agents called histamines in response to the introduction of an allergen. Many people are under the impression that an antihistamine you buy at the drug store inhibits the productions of these histamines, as the name suggests. In fact, antihistamines only block the action of histamines and do nothing to actually rid your body of them.
Nettle, on the other hand, naturally reduces the
amount of histamines the body produces. /T_h e Na-tional College of Naturopathic Medicine in Portland conducted a double-blind study of the eff ects of nettle on allergies. /T_h e group treated with the nettles fared signifi cantly better than their placebo-treated counter-parts.
If you’re serious about using nettle to counteract
your allergy symptoms, it’s important to start incor-porating nettles into your diet now, before the allergy season starts. Luckily, nettles are a versatile herb and can be easily integrated into your daily life.
/T_h e simplest way to add nettles to your life is to
drink a tea or tincture made out of dried nettle leaves. /T_h e tea is very tasty and common among avid tea drinkers.
Nettles are also easy to add to foods. Nettles have
a fl avor similar to spinach when cooked and are rich in vitamins A, C, D, iron, potassium, manganese and calcium. Nettle can be used in a variety of recipes, such as polenta, pesto and soup.
Even if you are lucky enough not to suff er from sea-
sonal allergies, you can still consider nettle as a helpful supplement to your daily life. If you struggle with get-ting enough greens into your meals, maybe drink some nettle tea instead; it’s a great way to boost the amount of nutrients you consume. Nettle actually rivals spin-ach in nutritional value.
Nettles are also great for your hair. /T_h ey help
strengthen hair and get rid of dandruff . Pour one quart
of boiling water over an ounce of fresh or dried nettle leaves
and let stand for 30 minutes.
Strain it and then put it in a bottle to use as a hair rinse. You
can also add some comfrey
root or leaves in with the
nettle boil. Your hair will
be well nourished from
the nettles and silky soft
from the comfrey. To use
the hair rinse, shampoo and condition as usual,
then pour the nettle wa-
ter over your hair and do not
rinse it out. Nettles are also used cosmetically for facial
steams and as a deep cleans-
er for oily skin. /T_h is intro-duction to nettle is really only the tip of the prover-
bial iceberg. Nettle truly has a little bit of something for everyone. Let’s face it, there really isn’t a good reason not
to start using nettle: it’s
supHERB!
Maggie Hennessey (’11) recently helped restore life to
Stitch n’ Bitch, a knitting club that had once thrived at Lewis
& Clark in past years but has since lost momentum.
/T_h e club now encourages a variety of do-it-yourself (DIY)
projects, such as making zines, in addition to thread-based projects like knitting, hand and machine sewing, crocheting, and quilting.
/T_h ere is no formal membership but an average meeting
has anywhere from six to 10 participants
“I’m making my fi rst scarf,” said Heather Purchase (’11).
“Maggie has been helping me a lot.”
About a month ago, mem-
bers of the Womyn’s Center found a cassette in a tape re-corder hanging from the door of the center. On it was an old interview of the original founders of the Womyn’s Cen-ter talking about diff erent ac-tivities that the center hosted at the time.
After listening, members of
the Womyn’s Center decided to expand the current role that the center plays at LC by reintroducing Stitch n’ Bitch to the LC community.
Stitch n’ Bitch meetings act as social gatherings during which attendees can let loose, talk and snack, all while chan-neling their creativity through projects.
“It gives me any excuse to knit without doing my home-
work,” said Paige Glowacky (’12).
Stitch n’ Bitch chose a 9:00 p.m. meeting time so that
people could have time to do their homework and then have time to relax at meetings.
Although the club is held in the Womyn’s Center, every-
one is welcome—this includes men. Only a few members of Stitch n’ Bitch are also members of the Womyn’s Center.
“/T_h e goal is to open the Womyn’s Center to be more of a
community space,” said Hennessey.
In the future, Stitch n’ Bitch will be hosting coordinated
projects such as linoleum print-ing and hollowing out old books
to use for con-
tainers. Heather Purchase (’11) knits her fi rst scarf at a Stitch n’ Bitch meeting in the Womyn’s Center.
Stitch n’ Bitch meetings act as
social gatherings during which
attendees can let loose, talk and snack, all while channel-ing their creativity through projects.
ILLUSTRATION BY DEANNA HORTON
ILLUSTRATION BY DEANNA HORTON“You have taken care of us all these years, and we are still
here because of you,” said one attendant.
All spectators were open to come out to the dance floor
to take part in the dances. “My favorite dance is the Owl
Dance. This is a ladies’
choice partner dance. The
idea is a lady will choose
her partner and if he says
no, then he has to pay her
or give her an item that she
likes,” said Bodine. “It’s a
funny concept but it makes
it so you don’t get turned
down too often because it
will cost them.”
The drummers and
the dancers at this event
were not paid for their
professional services, but
were outfitted it decadent
regalia.
“We don’t refer to
our outfits as costumes
mainly because we are not
dressing up as something or
someone. We are portraying
ourselves,” said Bodine.
“Each person’s regalia is
unique. Most use family colors or designs.”
The powwow also hosted a number of booths selling
products ranging from handmade jewelry to deer horn
knives. Mostly, however, it was a time to socialize and connect
among tribal members in Portland.
by Mariah Shields // features editor9 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009 Features
Bill Casson (’11) is a stereotypically studious student who
has been working within college norms while his eyesight has
tried to force him out.
Casson has both Peters Anomaly and Glaucoma. The
repercussions of the latter disease vary between individuals,
but in Casson’s case it only affects his eyes. “I can see colors,
but they are blurry, and things that move are easier to see
than things that are stationary,” said Casson.
Between the ages of
2 and 20, Casson had
surgeries for retinal
reattachment, corneal
transplants and the
removal of both of his
lenses. Glaucoma causes
high pressure in the eye
and the gel in the eye
does not drain very well
so eventually it damages
the optic nerve.
“I came to Lewis &
Clark because I liked the
academic programs, and
the fact that professors
want students to do well.
When I visited here, I
liked the campus and
the people who seemed
to enjoy it here,” said
Casson.
“I liked the fact that
LC was near a city and I could go downtown and walk
around. It is nice to not need a car because for some reason Lack of sight cannot stop LC students from thrivingThe Lewis & Clark Native Student Union hosted the
Pi Nee Waus Elders Powwow on Saturday, March 14 in
the Pamplin Sports Center. The powwow represents an
opportunity for tribes in Portland to gather together and talk
about the services that are available to them. The powwow
represented almost 70 tribes.
“The powwow is ‘intertribal’ as
we like to call it, meaning multiple
tribes participate together,” said
Mary Bodine (’09), a member of the
LC Native Student Union.
The powwow is a relatively new
event on campus, which saw its
inaugural year four years ago. “LC
hosted the powwow but the head
man was Ed Goodall. He keeps
everything running on time and
makes sure the dances are preformed
respectfully,” said Bodine.
“Powwows are a place for everyone
to get together and have a good time.
They are a place for food, dance,
song, and drumming. The purpose is
to gather,” said Bodine.
Native American law is the law of
nature, and this powwow is meant
to get tribes back in that direction.
This is not a commercially driven
event, nor is it meant to be a big
production, but rather is a place to
keep traditions alive and socialization among tribal members
thriving. LC Native Student Union Powwow unites, celebrates
by Mariah Shields // features editor
Eavesdropping
“I feel like if clothes were that tight, they
would smush things.”
“He doesn’t have the social tact to initiate a
twosome, let alone a threesome.”
“But my mom told me I had to put on
underwear when we had company.”
“I thought you were punching a baboon.”
“The Bible is a great story...I mean in my mind
it rivals Harry Potter !” The event officially started with the Honor Song and the
Grand Entry of all Native American veterans who circled the
drums in the middle of the gym. The vibrations of the drum
filled the gym with echoes and as the procession continued,
dancers and spectators
started to dance to
the beat.
The Flag Song followed. This
song stands for the Native American
flag, which carries eagle feathers that
represent lost tribal members.
Finally there was a moment of silence for the creator:
The men above and left are traditional dancers who
performed a number of dances in the center of the gym,
stepping to the beat of the drums.Photos by Mariah shields
people won’t let me drive,” said Casson.
Student Support Services has also helped Casson to
accelerate just like every other student. “I take tests differently
depending on the type of exam. Writing exams I can read on
the computer, but math and science exams are read to me
and I have a scribe,” said Casson. “I can read in brail, but
not very fast.”
Student interaction is also an important factor for
Casson’s choice to come to LC. “I prefer people to treat me
like anyone else. Most people around here are usually nice
about it, but some people can act uncomfortable because
they do not know what to do,” said Casson.
In a reaction to the Backdoor comment printed in the Feb.
27 issue of the Pioneer Log (a “You Caught My Eye” directed
at a blind person), Casson said, “I was not offended by it, it
was true and it was only meant to be humorous. There are
more interesting things to get hurt over,” said Casson.
Casson is a double major in physics and computer science/
math. His extracurricular activities include Improvisation
Comedy Club, Speech and Debate and Capella Nova.
“I mess around with my computer and learn how things
work. I like to learn how to fix things that are broken,
technology fascinates me so I love working with it,” said
Casson.
Haben Girma (’12) is a sociology and anthropology major.
“My blindness and hearing loss are congenital,” said Girma.
She has never had any surgeries for her condition or anything
else. “It was a bit shocking since I climbed so many trees
and fences as a kid,” said Girma. “I started learning Braille
as a kid thinking it was just a game. I attended mainstream
schools, and for one hour each day I would be asked to play a game of solving the mystery of the dots,” said Girma. “By
the time I knew that Braille was a tool invented for the blind
to read, my fingers were flying across the pages of advanced
chapter books.”
“I love reading Braille, and I love how it’s now popping up
all over the place. Since the sighted can’t read Braille, though,
there are sometimes hilarious mistakes,” said Girma. “Did
you know that the Braille sign on the men’s bathroom in
the Frank Manor House actually doesn’t say it’s a bathroom?
It just says room 128, and
that’s not even the right
room number.”
Girma thought the
comment in the Pioneer
Log was amusing. “I
understand some people
found it offensive, but I
and many blind students
I mentioned it to did
not find it offensive,”
said Girma. “The blind
are so rarely mentioned
in the media that such a
comment was refreshing.
The last thing that I
want is to have people
tiptoeing around the
subject of blindness.”
Girma associates
the “real problems”
surrounding blindness
with the assumptions
about the impairment rather than the impairment itself.
“The National Federation of the Blind [says] the real
problem of blindness is not the loss of eyesight. The real
problem is the misunderstanding and lack of information
that exists,” said Girma. “If a blind person has proper training
and opportunity, blindness can be reduced to a physical
nuisance.”
Sight impairment has never held Girma back. “My
parents didn’t make assumptions, they did not assume that
I was doomed to dependency. They have always pushed me
to reach my potentials, and I admire everyone who questions
the boundaries of these potentials,” said Girma.
Blind people traverse boundaries that are seemingly
impossible every day. “I have explored Africa on the back of a
camel and have climbed an ice wall in Alaska,” said Girma.
“If there is something you think a blind person can’t
do, think really really hard. Drive? Last summer I sat
behind the wheel and drove [with my boyfriend’s vocal
guidance]. Countless alternative techniques can be found for
accomplishing tasks that typically are accomplished visually,”
she said. “As a blind person, I’m always looking for those
alternative techniques.”
Photo by Natalie baker Photo courtesy of gordoN byrNes
From left to right: Haben Girma (’10), despite her blindess, climbed the Mendenhall Glacier in Alaska. Bill
Casson (’11), who is also mostly blind, spends a lot of time with computers and technology.Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 10 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
/T_h e Pioneer Log: You’re coming out with a
new album, Lost Channels, at the end of this
month. Can you tell me a little bit about it?Tony Dekker: It’s our fourth album, it’s com-ing out on March 31. It’s a new collection of songs we recorded in the /T_h ousand Is-lands region of Long Island and upstate New York.PL: What’s the subject matter of these songs?TD: /T_h ere wasn’t really an overall concept or theme or anything to it, but there are a lot of strains running through it about the passage of time, sort of the idea of the river running through it.PL: Do you have a connection to nature in a lot of your songs?TD: Yeah, I think that’s totally been a recur-ring theme here in our songs.PL: Is the recording process diff erent from your past albums?TD: It’s been pretty much the same. /T_h e ma-jor diff erence between this record and the last one is that we’re still not recording in a studio. We’re still going to unique acoustic spaces for recording. On the last album we worked primarily out of one room, and in this one we traveled to several locations, and took all of these diff erent parts—we were recording in a lot of diff erent places—and weaved them together into a cohesive whole.PL: What were some of the places you re-corded at?TD: One was a turn of the century theater that has become an arts center in a place called Dockville, Ontario, and its called the Dockville Arts Center now, but it was this really old theater that was maintained by this small community for the last 100 years. Re-ally beautiful acoustics in there, and we were lucky to be able to be able to record some tracks in there. Another one was a place called St. Brenden’s the Navigator Church. It’s a church on the St. Lawrence River. Again, really wonderful acoustics. Also on an island near Hammond, New York called Dark Island. /T_h ere was a castle there called Singer Castle that we were able to record in as well. /T_h ose were the three main location recordings that we did. We also did record-ings in Toronto and London, Ontario at a few diff erent places. So, you know, primar-ily the location recordings were based in the South Islands region.PL: /T_h at sounds pretty awesome.TD: It was. /T_h e process of it was a big part of the recording.PL: How has the fi rst leg of your tour been so far? You just fi nished up with Eastern Canada. How were the shows?TD: /T_h e shows were really great. We got to play in Newfoundland for the fi rst time, which is Canada’s most easterly province, and we had never been able to make it there before because it’s a pretty big trip. It took us three days to get to Cornerbrook, which was the fi rst date of our tour. But it was well worth it and really rewarding, to be able to play in those cities that far East. I would say St. John’s was really off the hook and we had a really great time up there. PL: Do you have a favorite part of the world to tour in?TD: I guess I really like the southern United States. Especially passing through Califor-nia, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Arkansas, Mississippi, and Louisiana. I really like being down there.PL: What about being down there?TD: For one thing it’s a lot warmer than it is in Canada. But also, I think there’s a real conscience sense of history and culture there that I’m drawn to.PL: Do you have a typical fan?TD: I don’t know actually. Lately we’ve been getting all across the spectrum, from indie-kids to parents that come with their kids. I think there’s a part of our music that appeals to the older generation as well as the younger generation… It makes me begin to wonder if there is a typical fan of ours.PL: When did you start playing music?TD: I started playing music in scrappy art rock bands and punk rock bands when I was in high school. It took me a while to come back around to the sort of music I’m making now, and I sort of came at it from the left of the DIY and the indie spirit.PL: Was there a specifi c moment when you realized that you were going to be playing music professionally, or as a career?TD: I can sort of pinpoint to a show that we played this last summer, opening for Robert Plant and Allison Krauss at the amphitheater in Toronto, which we were asked to play at. I think that was a moment where I felt like I was on the right path. After the show I got to meet Robert Plant, and he shook my hand and said I had a good voice and that I should keep at it. I felt like I was on the right path at that point. PL: You weren’t sure about being on the right path before that?TD: I think that I was on the right path, but as far as being a real musician, I still don’t really feel like a real musician, but I defi nite-ly felt somewhat validated that a person of that stature felt that I had something to of-fer musically. It made me change, made me think that it was something I could really do, something that I was meant to do as a voca-tion, not just as a personal thing.PL: Your website asks fans to contribute to a fan generated video. What gave you the idea for this project? Has it had a lot of success so far?TD: I don’t know, I’m not the one running it. It’s someone on the label who’s been tak-ing the footage while we’ve been on the road, so I haven’t actually seen much of the con-tent yet, but I expect that over the course of our 60 shows on this tour we’ll be able to compile a pretty cool collage of some really great clips from the songs we’ll be playing at the shows.
Great Lake Swimmers puts out new album, plays Portland
by Ben Bateman // backdoor editor
spring OFF yer ass
PL: Is this your biggest tour yet?
TD: I would say probably, yeah. We’ve done some big tours in the past, but this one really feels like it’s got a real momentum behind it.PL: Who are you touring with right now?TD: Our friend Kate Maki is opening all of our shows in Canada and the U.S. She’s a songwriter from Sudbury, Ontario. PL: Have you played with her before, or is this tour your fi rst time?TD: No, we know Kate from last year. We played a bunch of shows with her last year, and decided to invite her along for this big tour we’re doing ’cause her music’s really great.PL: Do you have a static band membership? Who is playing with you on this tour?TD: We’re touring with a fi ve piece for this tour. /T_h e lineup does change from time to time, depending on who’s available. For ex-ample, the bass player that played on the re-cord was unable to tour with us because of some other commitments that he had, so we have a diff erent bass player than the one that played on the record, but he’s pretty much up to speed now, and it was important for us to have an upright bass player for these songs. /T_h e lineup sort of changes now and again. It’s a pretty fl uid lineup, with all these people drifting in and out, but at the same time I feel like we have a solid base of people we call on to play shows with. It’s a sort of loose band membership, but there are people like, for example, Erik Arnesen our banjo player, who has been there for us since the release of the second record in 2005, and actually since before that. /T_h ere are some members that have totally stayed the same, and some—it’s a rotating cast, a little bit.
Great Lake Swimmers plays the Doug Fir
on April 1. $10/$12 door. 21+.Vocalist Tony Dekker of Great Lake Swimmers speaks to The Pioneer Log
about islands and the American South. Below: Dekker with bandmates.PHOTOS FROM TRINH KIM DIEPCanada’s Great Lake Swimmers has opened for Robert Plant, but
its latest album—due out March 31—stayed true to the group’s DIY approach. In anticipation of GLS’s April 1 Portland show, lead vocalist Tony Dekker talks to the Pioneer Log about what it’s like
recording in everything from a 100 year-old theatre, an island castle and a riverside church, and much more.
People to see and places to be: The Pioneer Log suggests a few choice
musical activities happening in and around Spring Break 2009Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 11 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
/T_h e Crystal Ballroom will be hosting Bonnie “Prince”
Billy with opening act Pillars and Tongues on Friday, March
27.
Bonnie “Prince” Billy, the stage pseudonym of Will Old-
ham, who has also performed under a handful of various names involving the word “Palace,” will be humbly strutting his stuff next week.
His folk, country and Appalachian post-punk tunes have
not sold out the Crystal. Yet.
“Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy,” writes /T_h e New York Times, “is the
indie-rock mainstay Will Oldham, whose hushed, country-infl uenced songs never sound precious or small; on the con-trary, they often achieve an eerie grandeur that not even he seems to understand fully.”
Oldham has received massive amounts of praise since
the beginning of his music career in 1987. Oldham’s songs have been covered by such revered musicians as the late, great Johnny Cash, Mark Kozelek (Sun Kil Moon), David Gray and (if not revered at least well-known) Snow Patrol.
For those poor souls who have yet to experience the glory
of Oldham, it is essential that you get on it.
He is by far the unsung hero of the contemporary folk
craze, and most defi nitely a name every self-respecting liberal arts student must be familiar with. It should be part of the
core curriculum.
/T_h e openers Pillars and Tongues hail from the Windy
City—the self-described trance-gospel band is the perfect in-troduction to Bonnie “Prince” Billy, as their quiet rhythms harbor a soul-rattling quality akin to that of some lost reli-gious rite.
With that in mind, Pillars and Tongues seem very well
put together in their recordings. Hopefully they will deliver a similar musical intimacy at the Crystal next week.
For the concert-goer who strives for a good religious
awakening at every show, Bonnie “Prince” Billy and Pillars and Tongues is the show not to miss.
1332 W. Burnside. 9:00 p.m. $18/$20 door. All ages.Bonnie “Prince” Billy
Portland riot-folk-grrrl-rock group Paz Demente
opened an intimate concert to cap off the Lewis & Clark
Gender Studies Symposium in the T rail Room Friday night.
Following a brief set change, Jaime Stewart of Xiu Xiu
played a solo set. /T_h e crowd sat down around him like children ready to hear stories, but his music was anything but an acoustic sing-along.
Stewart played an electric set, fusing melodramatic
haunting lyrics and breathless vocals with subtle plucks of the guitar, dissonant overtones and spurts of harsh thrashing electric guitar.
He sang of love and heartache, sex and rape, politi-
cal turmoil and terrorism. At times the gentle timbre of his voice made a dreamy soundscape; at other times he squeezed a tortured demi-howl. mockery to the full degree, and since then everybody’s been imitating it. “Family Guy.” All those t-shirts that mock name brands, and the logos that mocked other logos. Everything is eating itself. /T_h at’s just the end of this particular phase. But there’s gonna be a renaissance. Watercolor, drawings,
that’s coming. All these graffi ti
artists that are young are going somewhere, but now you see more and more of this abstract stuff happening because people are breaking the rules of graffi ti and the same thing is going to happen on the wider art scene. It’s back to fuckin’ fi ne art. But what do I know, I’m just a fuck-in’ rapper dude. PL: I don’t know. /T_h at’s a mighty tasteful album cover. Why that? SL: Why that? /T_h ere’s no art there. I guess maybe that’s me accidentally trying to return to something fi ner. PL: Prime track on Lemons?
S: I don’t know, man, I don’t listen to that fuckin’ record. Well, the song called “Me” because I like the Spanish guitar, the female vocals. Lyrically, I don’t like any of the songs on that record. PL: When did you write them? S: I wrote them fall of ’06 and spring of ’07. I never go back and listen to my material. I think it would be kind of weird, you know, bumpin’ my own beats. My own fan. You know, I do listen to it when I have to study it, I’ll go back and see what I can learn from it. PL: Who’s Lucy? S: Lucy is me. Lucy is my co-dependencies, alcohol, music, women. Lucy is a squished-together version of every wom-an I’ve ever fucked over—it has always generally all revolved around music. Alcohol. Women. If Lucy were a person she’d kind of just be me.
1332 W. Burnside. Sat., April 23, 7:00 p.m. $25. All ages.Atmosphere’s latest album, When Life Gives You Lemons,
You Paint /T_h at Shit Gold, is Atmosphere’s fi rst to reach num-
ber 10 in the Billboard 200. It is as lyrically swoon-worthy,
and the beats are as rollicking, and the album is sleek, shiny
and feisty in all the right ways.
/T_h e Pioneer Log, called Slug at
his Minnesota home just before
he gets ready to go on tour.
/T_h e Pioneer Log: Is there any-
thing you got from life in the
North Country that you con-
sider critical to your life and
music?
Slug: Yes, the weather. Seasons
changing. I think the weather’s defi nitely critical to the music that we make. If we didn’t have the type of seasonal changes that we have, we wouldn’t work as hard. We’re able to be as pro-lifi c as we are because the sea-sonal changes help us out. It helps all genres of art. /T_h is is kind of proven. /T_h e indie rock scene is the cities, too, that’s prolifi c, they’re doing good work. I think your body is bet-ter equipped for depression because it learns to work with changes. Maybe people in other parts of the country don’t have the same threshold for pain that we do because of the seasons. Especially the cold. PL: Change, right, that’s critical. I know a poet who believes that art will suff er in the coming years because there isn’t enough newness around for artists to grapple with. He basi-cally thinks we’d have to discover something really mega and new for art to keep pumping.S: What? /T_h at’s fucked. Who thinks that?
PL: He teaches at the U. S: No man, you know what fucked up art? I think “/T_h e Simpsons” fucked up art. /T_h e last facet of modern art was to eat itself. It had to destroy itself. /T_h ey took sarcasm and
Atmosphere’s Slug freestyles
by Kathryn Miller // copy editor
His lyrics were marked both
with the melancholy of a truly
broken heart, and the moodi-ness of an angsty teenager. /T_h e songs were hit and miss. /T_h e fragile strokes of his guitar juxtaposed with the breathy vo-cals of an incest love-story were tortured and raw, but they held an underlying dis-cordant beauty.
One song, however, felt painfully
like an overly zealous open-mic po-etry session. On this song Stewart repeated a bass-heavy guitar riff over and over calling a terrorist with a grenade launcher “another dumb jock.” He conveyed the message While little is known in the popular psyche about the Bri-
an Jonestown Massacre aside from its long-standing rivalry
with the Dandy Warhols, the futuristic psych-rock collective
is actually as cool as the Rolling Stones in the ’60s (as evi-
denced by the tribute record /T_h eir Satanic Majesties’ Second
Request) and as dedicated to its true rock and roll roots as
My Bloody Valentine. Embodying elements from blues and
country to grunge and other musical melodrama, BJM has
consistently brought a range of ideas and sounds to its ec-
centric repertoire.
Born in San Francisco almost 19 years ago, the group’s
ever-changing line-up and mostly under-the-radar existence
make it sometimes diffi cult to pinpoint its current perspec-
tive on what it plays. What is consistent, however, is the
constant and creative channeling of some of the biggest and
most infl uential names from the musical history, including the Stones, David Bowie (notably “(David Bowie I Love You) Since I Was Six” from 1996’s T ake it From the Man),
the Smiths, Donovan and /T_h e Velvet Undergound, among
other artists.
My Bloody Underground, BJM’s 13th release, debuted in
April 2008 and received 2.6 out of 10 from online media Brian Jonestown Massacre
snob Pitchfork Me-
dia—a rating that per-haps gives credit to the
underground (hence
the album’s title), cult
status of the group. /T_h e last time BJM was in Portland, the band
took the stage at tiny
Berbati’s; this time, it’s
not a question of if the Crystal Ballroom’s vast hall will be fi lled, but whether the unrestrained bandmates will be sober enough to handle the moving fl oor.
Frontman Anton Newcombe’s unpredictable onstage an-
tics and overall belligerent behavior doesn’t deter even the most composed audience member; in fact, his raucousness and misbehavior make BJM’s live set that much more magi-cal. /T_h rough the cursing, insults thrown at the crowd and general destruction of himself and the stage, the music still shines through untainted and undaunted by this wild per-sonality.
Tomorrow. 1332 W. Burnside. 9 p.m. $18 /$20 . All ages.
Jaime Stewart’s haunting melodies fi ll the T rail Room
by Liam O’Connor // arts editorILLUSTRATION BY KATHRYN MILLERPHOTO FROM DRAGCITY.COM
PHOTO COURTESY OF ATMOSPHERE
Xiu Xiu’s frontman fi nishes the Gender Studies Symposium with a musical performanceby Sanne Stienstra // editor in chief
PHOTO FROMTHE COMMITTEE TO KEEP MUSIC EVIL
by Helen Hunter // staff writerspring B R E A K cont’d
against violence very well, but didn’t we all leave behind
the nerds versus jocks confl ict in high school?
Another song was considerably aff ecting, if not easy
to listen to. During the song, he pulled a rape whistle from his pocket and blared his lungs into it, and straight into the microphone. It was startling and angry, but it achieved the desired eff ect. It created an uneasy and awk-ward atmosphere that bled over into the next couple of songs, and lingered for the rest of the show.
Very few of Stewart’s songs were pleasant, but one got
the impression that he didn’t want them to be. /T_h ere were brief moments of hope but the whole evening was characterized by a strong feeling of violent depression that made many students uncomfortable.
As music, Stewart’s work was not an enjoyable lis-
ten, but as performance art it was a noteworthy thought piece.Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 12 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
Comedian, writer and fi lmmaker Eugene
Mirman will come to /T_h ursday, Portland
April 2, to perform at Mississippi Studios in
North Portland. /T_h e Pioneer Log was able to
talk to him before he comes to send Stump-
town into a fi t of giggles.
/T_h e Pioneer Log: You’re touring with “Wes
and Eugene’s Cabinet of Wonders,” how is it
diff erent from your regular standup?Eugene Mirman: One, I’ll be doing some things together with Wes, and two, it’s a vari-ety show. We’ll be doing some things to-gether with all these diff erent musicians and authors and comedians. /T_h e show isn’t all comedians, so it won’t be all com-edy. I mean, the standup I deliver will be incredible. It will be the best thing any-one has ever seen.PL: You’re used to touring with non-co-medians?EM: I do both. I tour with comedians
and non-comedians. Mostly what I do
is whatever seems interesting and fun,
so the last bunch of tours I’ve done have been with comedians, like Comedians of Comedy or opening with Stella, and
I’m going to be opening for Flight of the
Conchords on tour in spring. I’ve done
things where I’ve MCed or opened for bands or bands had opened for me, but this is a sort of joint variety show, so it’ll
be kind of diff erent, and pretty fun.
PL: You’re on “Flight of the Conchords”
as a landlord. Is that pretty awesome?EM: Yes, it’s awesome.PL: Do you have any landlording experi-
ence?
EM: No…I have a lot of tenant experi-
ence. Like, 15 years of tenant experience.PL: You’ve just come out with a new book, /T_h e Will to Whatevs. It’s self-help?EM: Sort of, yeah.PL: Has it helped you?EM: Um. Well, often psychologists can’t help
themselves, but since I’m a comedian and it
doesn’t matter, yeah, it totally helped me. It
helped me in a sense that I wanted to write a book and then I wrote it, and then someone put it out and stuff .
PL: What demographic are you aiming for
with it?
EM: You know, I am aiming for all demo-graphics. I once took a class in college where the teacher tried to make us write something
for a specifi c demographic, and she turned
out to be a children’s author, and she thought
of things in terms of age groups, but I mean it to be for everyone from about 16 to 52.PL: You do “Ask Eugene” on your website. Did this book come off of that?
EM: Yeah, actually. When I went on tour
years ago I made a little booklet to sell based
off my advice column. From that it gave me the idea to turn it into a bigger book, though in the end I had no letters or anything.PL: You’re a Maxim-qualifi ed Sexpert. Do you get a card, or do people just feel free to ask you a bunch of weird questions?EM: Neither, really. I guess the latter. But yeah, all it means is that they asked me a question and I answered it.PL: Have you ever signed a baby, or anything
else strange?
EM: I guess you wanna fi nd out if I’ve signed peoples’ butt’s or something? I have signed four people’s butts.PL: Butts are kind of expected. What’s the weirdest you’ve gotten?EM: I once signed a glass of water, in the wa-ter. /T_h at’s the weirdest thing I’ve signed. It’s pretty trivial.PL: So you’re doing “Delocated” right now. How do you like that?EM: I love it. It was very fun to work on, and Jon Glaser who does the show is very funny. And it’s a very silly show. And it’s sort of my favorite thing where it’s a very silly thing that takes itself seriously.PL: Have you ever been an assassin before?EM: Not off hand. I was once a suspected ar-sonist, in a TV performance, not in real life. Was your question did I ever work as a pro-Eugene Mirman to bring variety show to PDX
by Ben Bateman // backdoor editor
Eugene Mirman is a real life tenant playing
an on-screen landlord. PHOTO COURTESY EUGENEMIRMAN.COM
“Finnegan’s Wake”—/T_h e Clancy Brothers and Tommy
Makem“Whiskey You’re the Devil” —/T_h e Pogues“/T_h e Highest Hill”—Danú“Seven Drunken Nights”—/T_h e Dubliners“Moonshine Whiskey”—Van Morrison“/T_h e Tain Pts I-V”—/T_h e Decemberists“ Whiskey Willy”—Michael Hurley“Linger”—/T_h e Cranberries“Nothing Compares 2 U”—Sinead O’Connor“I’m Shipping Up to Boston”—Dropkick Murphys“Drinking Song”—Jason Webley“T ristan and Iseault”—Colin Meloy“Sunday, bloody Sunday” —U2“/T_h e Rare Old Times” —Flogging Molly
“Finnegan’s Wake”—/T_h e Clancy Brothers and Tommy
Makem
“Whiskey You’re the Devil” —/T_h e Pogues
“/T_h e Highest Hill”—Danú
by the PioLog staff/T_h e Luck of /T_h e Mixtape
A mixtape to commemorate the magic of St. Patrick’s Day.
ILLUSTRATION BY JON RUSSELA French play? Oui!
After Spring Break, the Lewis &
Clark French department will pres-
ent the French comedy On Purge
Bébé by Georges Feydeau, about an unbreakable chamberpot and a child who refuses to take her laxative. Mr. Chouilloux has invented this fantastic chamberpot, and he wants to sell it to the army, but his wife does not want to be known for selling chamberpots, instead she wants him to spend more time with their rather fussy daughter.
Directed by French Language As-
sistant Coline Grunblatt, the play stars Jose Quant (’11) as Mr. Chouil-loux and Zoë Cooper-Caroselli (’09) as his wife.
Wednesday, April 1st & /T_h ursday,
April 2nd at 7:30 p.m. Fir Acres. Free.
- Liam O’Connor
fessional murderer?
PL: I assume you haven’t worked as a profes-
sional murderer before.
EM: No, you would be right to assume that.
I’ve never worked or been paid to perform a hit, or even been asked to for no money, the way that you would be maybe in entertain-ment.PL: So you’re originally from Russia. Does
your Russian sense of humor give you bonus points?EM: I don’t know. It certainly gives me a dif-ferent perspective, an outsider-y perspective,
but I guess all comics have that. Every comic, there’s something that happened to them that makes them see things dif-ferently. Not like magic diff erently, like where they see spirits or dragons. I don’t know if it makes me bonus funny, but it probably makes me what I am.PL: You majored in comedy at Hampshire College. Does that give you a step up on
other comics, or did it help you out a lot
starting off ?
EM: I don’t know, but it was great. I
don’t know that when I got out my fi rst thought was, “Now I’m more ready than
other comics,” but I personally enjoyed
the experience a lot, and I think that a lot
of what I learned in college, in terms of just a lot of the process of just doing it all, helped me a great deal. I enjoyed Hamp-
shire a lot, but I don’t know if I would say
it particularly gave me an advantage over
people as much as it was a great, great ex-perience for me.PL: You talk about bears a lot. Why?
EM: I don’t know. Everybody has their
quirks. I’m working on trying to talk about nano-bots more, but it takes some time to switch obsessions.
PL: Do you have any good nano-bot jokes?
EM: I have none. /T_h at’s the problem.PL: Do you have a favorite word?EM: Not off hand. I would hate to pick one I
liked and then alienate the others that I also
liked.
PL: Do you have any big plans after this cur-rent tour?EM: I’m doing a tour with Flight of the Con-
chords, and then in the fall I’m organizing
a comedy festival that I did last year, which
was the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival. I’m working on doing that again because it was a lot of fun. And then I’m working on
a documentary about trying to go back to
Russia for the fi rst time since I came here.
Wes and Eugene’s Cabinet of Wonders (w
withJohn Wesley Harding and friends). Missis-
sippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave. April 2,
8:00 p.m. From “Flight of the Conchords” to the new Cartoon Network series “Delocated,” a book and even his
own comedy festival, Eugene Mirman knows how to bring the funny, and soon he’s bringing it to us.Sports 13 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
When you sat down to fi ll out your
NCAA Tournament bracket this week it
probably seemed like a daunting task. /T_h ere are countless experts out there professing to give you the hot tips on what team’s basket
you should put all your eggs in. Picking the
right Cinderella or the right top seed to end up in the fi nal four is the fi ne line between winning your bracket pool and being the laughingstock of ev-eryone you know.
Even with all the information
and all the stats about a team, it is pretty much impossible to get it all right within your bracket. So, after much de-liberation and endless hours of consultation with the great basketball gurus of the Pacifi c Northwest, I’ve fi gured out a sure-fi re way to predict the winners and become victori-ous in your bracket pool. Here’s how you can fi gure out just who will end up in Detroit in April.
In the end it all comes down to mascots. If a lion gets matched up with a bluebird, I’m taking the lion no questions asked. /T_h e
best way to envision these matchups is either
a one-on-one hallway showdown type sce-nario or a fi ve-on-fi ve cage match brawl. Ei-ther way the mascots are evenly matched up and just comes down to who is the toughest. And this is the exact logic I used to come up with the perfect and un-trumpable bracket this year.
Some of the matchups are more obvious
than others. Like the North Dakota State Bi-son trampling the Kansas Jayhawks. /T_h ere is just no way a little bird that looks a strikingly similar to Woody the Woodpecker is going to take a bison. It’s just not happening. Book NDSU into Round 2.
Other matchups prove to be a bit more
complicated. /T_h e Ohio State Buckeyes and the Siena Saints seems to be a real tricky round one game to predict. Although the Saints don’t seem that aggressive, it’s hard to imagine how a Buckeye would attack. So chalk that one up as a victory for the Saints, but that will likely be the end of their win-
ning ways. /T_h ey look to face the Eagles, Car-
dinals or Hornets in round two, all of whom
would likely triumph over
the holy ones.
Other tough predictions include the Day-March Madness going to the animals
by MIcheal G. Richman // staff writer
PHOTOS FROM KICKOFF ZONENeed help fi lling out your NCAA bracket this season? LC’s very own guru dishes some real talk, but beware, it’s a jungle out there.
Mr. R ponders mascot throwdowns.“/T_h e best way to envision
these matchups is either a one-on-one hallway show-down type scenario or a fi ve-
on-fi ve cage match brawl.”
ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT MCCORMACKton Flyers versus West Virginia Mountaineers
game. Seems like a toss-up, but the Moun-taineers just seem more rugged, so my gut is
telling me to stick with them. Also the Xavi-
er Musketeers and Portland State Vikings matchup looks
like an in-
triguing round
one aff air. My
instincts say
Vikings, but
after a Google
image search showed how goofy the PSU Viking looks I changed my mind back to Xavier.
/T_h ere is other logic governing these mas-
cot picks as well. Dogs always will beat cats and devils can only win two games. /T_h at means if a huskie meets a wildcat in any of the games, I’m going huskie everytime.
Bulldogs versus panthers, however might make you question my reasoning. So the rule is amended to state that as long as the dog
does not show up on a leash he’ll probably beat the cat. In the case where the dog seems domesticated, it might be okay to take the
feline, but be careful.
/T_h e other arbitrary rule in the mascot
picks is that devils can only win twice. /T_h at
means Duke and
Arizona State will
not make it out
of the fi rst week-
end. Sorry to fans
in Durham and
Tempe, but that’s
just how this one shakes out.
/T_h is leads me
to my Final Four predictions. From
the Midwest, the
Cleveland State Vikings will pillage their way to Detroit where they will meet the Califor-
nia Golden Bears who will ravage the com-
petition in the West. Note that Cal’s road to the Final Four is through two diff erent sets of Tigers—now that’s quality TV. On the other side of the bracket I see the ferocious Villanova Wildcats triumphing in the East and facing off against the Louisiana State University Tigers from Baton Rouge.
I see the Bears literally man-
handling the Vikings and the
Wildcats proving to not be
wild enough and losing to the
Tigers. /T_h at leaves Cali-
fornia and LSU in the
fi nals where I be-
lieve California
will leave victorious
with their
third victory over
a group of Tigers in
less than a month.
So there you
have it. Bold, brash and undoubtedly
accurate. See you in Detroit, but watch out for wild animals.
PHOTO BY NATALIE BAKERSports 14 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
Upcoming
Pioneer
Home
Sports
Events
Women’s lacrosse keeps it real chill
by Melody Parker // forum editor
The women’s lacrosse team bears the cold with a smile.PHOTO BY MELODY PARKER
On the mound: Paige McFeeley (’11)
The PioLog sits down with pitcher Paige McFeeley (’11) to talk about life’s little pleasures.
/T_h e PioLog: So
what brought you to LC?Paige McFeeley: I don’t know. When I visited the cam-pus, it was the most beautiful place I’d been to.PL: How long have
you played softball with LC?PM: /T_h is is my second year. I’m a
pitcher and play fi rst base.PL: What was the best moment of last season?PM: When we won our last game of the season against Corb-in. I got like two RBIs and we had a come from behind win. It was an “!” on our season.PL: What are you looking forward to this season? PM: Not playing in the snow anymore. Going to California and being in the warm weather.PL: Anything besides the weather?
PM: Getting some wins. Some good wins.
PL: Scenario: you’re stuck on a deserted island. What thing or person would you hope to fi nd there?PM: Zac Efron.PL: What would you do with Mr. Efron?
PM: I’d sit down and have a…I don’t know how to answer
that in an appropriate way.PL: Which Disney movie would you choose to live in?PM: “/T_h e Lion King.”PL: Why “/T_h e Lion King”?
PM: Or maybe…I don’t know. Hold on, I might have to think about this... Cause I want to be an animal and Simba’s
a hottie.
PL: What do you do to pump yourself up before a game?PM: I listen to music. I have to think of some good music to tell you so I look good.
PL: Let’s be honest though, you listen to “High School Musi-
cal” much?
PM: Maybe…
PL: Where’s your happy place?PM: Happy place in what sense?PL: Where in the world are you happiest? Or when.
PM: I don’t know.
PL: Are you ever happy?
PM: No. Yes, I am. Camping! Camping’s fun. Like in Yellow-
stone last year, that was fun. Happy times.PL: Do you go camping a lot?
PM: Not during the school year, but the summer, yes.
PL: Are you more of a cake or a pie person, and why?PM: Cake because there’s only one kind of chocolate pie and many kinds of chocolate cake. Plus Funfetti and plus there’s frosting on cakes. Now I’m really craving cake.PL: What’s the best part about playing softball?PM: /T_h e beautiful weather.PL: Understandable. Anything else?
PM: I was being facetious about the beautiful weather by the
way because of the rain. I like the team aspect of softball es-pecially when we’re doing well.PL: What fruit or vegetable best describes you?PM: Have you ever seen that video where they explain that God exists because of the banana? I’m a banana because I’m proof that God exists because I’m so awesome.PL: How do you think you gals were going to do this year?
PM: We should do a lot better than last year because we’ve
got some good freshmen this year and we’re a lot better hit-ters this year. Puttin’ some runs on the board.
LC SPORTS TRIVIA!
c) Recipient of the NCAA post grad
scholarship, Tamma Carleton, is a student of what “money making” major?a) LC men’s tennis number one player, Vincent Groot, is from what European
country? b) How many wins has the women’s tennis team racked up in the NWC? email your answers to: piolog@lclark.edu
Prizes, Prizes, Prizes!
by Danny Garcia // editor in chief
She’s tougher than she looks. PHOTO BY NICHOLE CARNELLFriday 3/20
Women’s Tennis v. Linfi eld @ 3:30 p.m.
Track - Spring Break Open
@ Eldon Fix Track
Saturday 3/21
Track - Spring Break Open@ Eldon Fix Track
Sunday 3/22
Softball v. George Fox (DH) @ 12 p.m.
Wednesday 3/25
Baseball v. Pacifi c Lutheran (DH) @ West Linn High School - 12 p.m.
Saturday 3/28
Men’s Tennis v. George Fox @ 11 a.m.
Sunday 3/29
Men’s Tennis v. Willamette @ 12 p.m.
Notable Track Performances
NWC Preview @ Pacific 3/13 -14
- Amy Madden - 1st in shot put - 35.00 ft.
- Kai Watts - 1st in shot put - 42.26 feet - 2nd in discus - 40.37m - Tamma Carelton - 1st in 5K - 18:36.54 - Corrine Innes - 2nd in 5K - 19:19.13* - Kelsey Croall - 3rd in 5K - 19:45.52* - Cheyenne Feliz - 1st in 400m - 1:00.86 - 2nd in 200m - 27.32
- Kevin Carpenter - 1st in 200m - 23.25* - 2nd in 100m - 11.40* - Fritz Fitzer - 2nd in 3000m steeplechase - 10:44.21 - Alayna Oleska- 3rd in 1500m - 5:05.99 - David Berman - 3rd in 400m - 54.57 - Eric Wilton - 3rd in high jump - 1.74m
*
in conferenceDuring a nearly freezing Monday night practice, the
Lewis & Clark women’s lacrosse team kept it hot by sporting
crazy hats. “It’s 35 degrees out. I’m glad I have a beret!” said
player Kirbee Johnston (’11).
Lacrosse is growing all over the nation. From its roots on
the East coast, this aggressive and high-energy sport has be-
gun to infi ltrate the West. “We base our club off of fun,”
said LC women’s lacrosse student organizer and team captain
Jenny Curto (’10). /T_h e team practices twice a week, and is
open to players of all levels.
/T_h e lacrosse
team rocks the standard lacrosse apparel. /T_h e girls wear kilts dur-ing tournaments, and sport protec-tive goggles for eye safety. /T_h e team has suff ered no major injuries this year. “La-
crosse is defi nitely
the most badass
women’s sport, but we keep it safe,” Curto said.
Playing on the
lacrosse team re-quires no previ-ous experience. About half of the lacrosse players had no experience prior to
this season. /T_h e other half of the team is a mix of veteran LC
players and “some girls who have played for a million years,”
said Curto.
Before joining the club last year, Johnston had only had three weeks of lacrosse experience in her high school P .E. class. Now a veteran player, Johnston says her favorite part of practice is “just tossing the ball back and forth.”
Curto runs practices with Coach Kelsey Rogers (’08),
who currently works at OHSU. During her time at LC, Rog-ers helped the team fundraise, get team uniforms and join the Northwest Women’s Lacrosse Association.
/T_h e team practices Monday and Wednesday evenings on
the football fi eld, and travels to fi ve or six tournaments a sea-son. /T_h e tournaments are located all over the Pacifi c North-west and Idaho.
T wo of the
team’s favor-ite pump-up cheers include lyrics from Naughty by Nature and R. Kelly’s “Remix to Ignition.” “We like to reference pop-ular rap songs of the ’90s,” said Curto. Practices are fun and re-laxed, with w a r m - u p s like dynamic s t r e t c h i n g , star throwing
and themed outfi t nights, like tutus or tonight’s crazy hats.
/T_h e lacrosse team is almost entirely free to join, with the
exception of a league membership fee. In addition to using their allotted budget, the lacrosse club fundraises and collects donations. Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 Sports 15 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
Tennis
Women’s:
3/13
Whitman...........................(L) 6-3 3/14 Whitworth.........................(L) 7-2


Men’s:
3/13 @ Whitman.......................(L) 9-0 3/14 @ Whitworth.....................(L) 7-2

Baseball


3/14 & 15
Pacific Lutheran (DH)
Game 1..............2-1 (Postponed)
Game 2 ...................(Postponed)
Softball

3/14 (DH)
Linfield ......................Postponed

Track & Field

3/14
NWC Preview @ Pacific see Notable FInishes pg. 14
/T_h e Bourne Sports Report
Is Northern California the loser in a national battle of sports caliber?
by Jacob Bourne // staff writer /T_h e Portland Council
Chambers was packed last
week with face-painted,
green wearing soccer fans.
Is this the scare of politics of the masses? No, this is professional soccer and city offi cials trying to work together to bring Major League Soccer (MLS) into the Rose City.
As the Timber’s Army,
fans of the city profession Timbers soccer team, rallied out-side, City Council jumped through hoops of fi nancial obsta-cles. To prepare Portland as a proper host, PGE Park would have to undergo over $33.7 million of renovations. Further-more, the $88.8 million urban renewal budget would also pay for the building of a new ballpark for the Portland Bea-vers, the city’s T riple-A baseball team.
On March 11, Council gave the 3-2 vote to set in mo-
tion a partnership with Timber’s and Beaver’s owner Mer-ritt Paulson and city-back loans. Merritt, the godfather of
this plan to create a new Portland sports haven, has already
contributed $12.5 million of his own money to the construc-
tion projects. Furthermore, Merritt has bid $40 million for an MLS team, which will be decided this week. /T_h e city has also granted $13.5 million for urban renewal, however fac-
tions formed over the prolifi cacy of face-lifting this arena of
urban Portland.
/T_h e city’s plan also is debated amongst passionate soccer fans who feel the MLS would not be well received
in the city. /T_h is is rooted in a loyalty to internation-
al teams whose play is incomparable to the repro-
duction eff orts of the States. Need I mention the
Beckham experiment?
Lewis & Clark soccer afi cionado Jacob Mendel-
son (’10) thinks that any soccer played on Ameri-
can soil has minimal fan support. He personally is
not interested in the games in the States because
“the competition is not there and the skill level is
not there.” Mendelson prefers to “watch European club sports, or any international team.” “I don’t care to watch U.S. soccer,” he said.
Above all, he sees that the “passion is not in soc-
cer in this country.” Although he admits he may go to a game in Portland if the dream ever comes true, he certainly wouldn’t follow the teams. Here stands one soccer-loving Portlander who promises
little patronage.
In the end, this is only the preliminary step to-
wards a greater haven for both soccer and baseball
in Portland. /T_h is spring and summer will see the
continuous conversation between City Council,
Merritt, the Major Leagues and all those raging
fans. Joining in on the catfi ght, the Blazers have
also announced their disdain for the plan, stub-bornly claiming that the baseball fi eld in the Rose
Quarter would take away from their stadium’s he-
gemony. Above all, the question is, can Portland
support, and can it aff ord, this large step in sports
patronage? Portland to get big time soccer
With a big budget, is the Rose City ready dig into its pocket for Merritt’s changes ?
by Haley Brill // sports editor
ART FROM THEOFFSIDE.COM
Imagine a map of the United States. Not a topographic
map with rivers and elevations, but a plain white map with
state borders and major cities. Now imagine fences built around all individual large metropolitan areas that contain professional athletic organizations. For example, Los An-geles to Anaheim, down to San Diego would be one area. Miami, Tampa Bay, Orlando and Jacksonville would be an-other.
Now, if you can, color code those fenced in areas ac-
cording to average strength of the teams within the bor-ders, light colors being successful teams, and dark colors representing the weakest. Lastly, envision the darkest area slowly starting to rot away, the land inside the fence pick-ets crumbling until the entire zone implodes upon itself, buildings and beings, animals and automobiles lost within the depths of the earth for eternity.
Which area did you pick? If you sent Northern Califor-
nia disintegrating into the abyss, congratulations! Known for its laidback atmosphere and diversity of gorgeous out-door scenery, the San Francisco Bay Area and its vicinity has not put together a consistent cluster of competitive ath-letic organizations for at least the last fi ve years.
Let’s run down the list. San Francisco Giants: Having been the worst team in
the worst division in baseball the last two years, the Giants haven’t made the playoff s since 2003.
Oakland Athletics: Consistently trading away their
best talent the moment anyone else fi nds out who they are, the A’s have only reached the postseason once in the last fi ve seasons.
Oakland Raiders: Having posted a 24-72 record since
losing in the Super Bowl in 2002, the Raiders have gone through fi ve head coaches and fi ve quarterbacks.
San Francisco 49ers: Just a smidge better than their
neighbors to the east, the Niners have gone 32-64 since they last earned a playoff spot in 2002.
Sacramento Kings: Working on their third losing sea-
son in a row, this one the worst by far at just 14-52, the Kings are on their way to their worst fi nish since moving to Sacramento in 1985, and with low ticket sales and a rick-ety building, threats of a relocation to either San Jose or Anaheim (is a 3rd L.A. team really necessary?) are looking more realistic.
Golden State Warriors: Forget 2007. /T_h e NBA would
not be the NBA if the Warriors were not horrible. Who knew it was possible to score 130 points in regulation and lose by 24? /T_h e Warriors, that’s who. With just one playoff appearance in a decade and a half, Golden State has not had a representative at All-Star Weekend since 1997.
/T_h e lone bright spot in contemporary North-
ern California professional sports is the San Jose
Sharks, currently sitting in second place in the west
at 45-13-10, and having just lost three times at
home all season.
If any hope exists at all of saving the better half
of the west coast Goliath, it may lie in the hands of
the baseball gods this season. With a little luck on
their sides, look out for the Giants and the Athlet-
ics to make a major impact on their divisions in
2009. We’re not necessarily talking about rings or
banners or magic numbers, but Oakland and San
Francisco could work themselves into contention
for wild card positions by the end of summer.
/T_h e 2008-2009 baseball off season saw the A’s
throw around cash unlike any other year of the Bil-ly Beane era. Starting by bringing back former su-
perstar Jason Giambi to his McAfee roots, followed
by a trade for Matt Holliday, and acquisitions of
Orlando Cabrera and Mr. Mia Hamm himself,
Nomar Garciaparra, the Oakland lineup and in-fi eld is bolstered with a combination of washed-up
and contemporary talent that may turn out to be
shockingly powerful.
Across the bay from the Hegenberger ghetto,
Brian Sabean and the Giants made several moves to bolster the defensive side of the diamond. Start-
ing with the acquisitions of relievers Jeremy Aff eldt
and Bob Howry, and followed by the signing of the
sea gull’s worst enemy Randy Johnson, San Fran-
cisco’s already outstanding bull pen got even better. With a starting rotation of Tim Lincecum, Randy
Johnson, Matt Cain, Barry Zito, Jonathan Sanchez
and Noah Lowry, the next step for the G-Men is
increasing run production to support the man on
the mound. Certainly outfi elder Aaron Rowand will bounce back from his sub-par 2008 campaign,
and a trimmer Edgar Renteria is clearly an upgrade
at shortstop over hall of fame bound but twilight-
ing Venezuelan Omar Vizquel.
Barring injury or lack of team chemistry, Bay
Area baseball stands a good chance of pulling it-self out of the rut it’s been in since its early millen-
nium glory. With two Northern California teams
seemingly headed in the right direction, the others
not possibly getting any worse, which part of the
country does that put in the red zone? See ya later
Seattle. /T_h e Top Ten
Indie-Allusive Children’s Stories

10. Oh the Places You’ll OK Go
9. Goldilocks and Grizzly Bear8. Goodnight Múm
7. In Rainbows Fish
6. Peter and the Wolf Parade5. Hansel & Gretel & Beck4. Cat Power in the Hat3. Humpty DumpT-Pain2. Bonnie “/T_h e Little Prince” Billy 1. If You Give a Modest Mouse a Cookie (He’ll Ask for a Neutral Glass of Milk)
Backdoor 16 the Pioneer Log, March 19, 2009
You Caught My Eye
Please e-mail your“You Caught My Eye” to Piolog@lclark.eduILLUSTRATION BY BRAD JONAS
Inside the issue:
• Italian stereotypes /f_i ght-a for-a their rights.
Pg. 1.618• Snape kills Dumbledore.
Pg. 09• Scientist isolates loneliness.
Pg. 1337Your Guide to Prison TattoosYou: Soul swappin’ sanctuary of a lady, beboppin’ and skattin’ all over thatraz. If we have children, promise you won’t drop them like avocados whilewaiting in line.Me: Cody Santero, wanting to roll you in bread crumbs.
/T_h e eight ball on the shoulder signals an inmate who
off ers an assortment of eight pre-chosen responses to any stimuli, but off ers them randomly. /T_h ese responses can vary immensely from prisoner to prisoner, but a normal set might consist of: shank, bite, deny in a gruff voice, give an upwards head nod, recite a portion of Sir Philip Sidney’s Astrophel and Stella, shake head disapprovingly, shout something in Swedish, and love.
/T_h e tribal armband is not actually a prison tattoo,
but a remainder from before this inmate’s time in prison. It’s outside meaning translates roughly to “Look at me, I’m a badass,” while in prison it tends to signify “I have no ability to /f_i ght back.” Long term prisoners may get between 30 or 40 other tattoos just to counteract the negative stigma of this one.
/T_h e A/f_l ac duck is a signal that this man is a destroyer;
one who has caused so much property damage that they can legitimately claim an insurance company as one of their victims. If the duck is looking towards the body, this man prefers his grenadine-and-ginger-ale drink to be called a Shirley Temple, and if is pointed away from the body he prefers it to be called a Roy Rogers.
A California Proposition position is used to
indicate the dining preference of a prisoner. “No on 32” means that this prisoner prefers to eat his lunches in contemplative silence, but would like to share his dinners with close friends. On the other hand, “Yes on 65” means that a prisoner believes breakfast to be the most impor-tant meal of the day, while “absentee voter” means that a prisoner prefers light snacks throughout the day to larger formal meals.
A Mr. Rogers is used to show the candidates level of
informal education. A Mr. Rogers at the ankle indicates something equivalent to the completion of sixth grade, while a Mr. Rogers on the upper back or shoulders shows an inmate who has devoted himself to post-graduate level studies. Once he has completed his doctoral thesis equivalent he will have a trolley tattooed on the nape of his neck. /T_h is prisoner has completed his GED equiva-lent, but is now only mildly interested in his community college class equivalent.
Names are for learning body parts.Videogame characters are pathways into prison nerd
culture. Each tattoo is a beautiful piece of art crafted by its wearer to show his love of a speci/f_i c NES videogame and his heart wrenching nostalgia. /T_h ese tattoos generally indicate “nerd,” but a really high quality tattoo can win its bearer hella respect.It is rumored that collecting enough
Cereal Boxtop
tattoos will get you a free pass out of prison and/or a free
pair of x-ray glasses. While few cons subscribe to this belief, the tattoos are not uncommon. /T_h ey show that this inmate at one point sustained a childlike optimism and spent his days dreaming of a better life.
So You’re Graduating
Your options are few, and one of the most attractive to many young professionals is prison. Plenty of time for self-education, plenty of physical activity, and a social atmosphere and living situation that mirror the dorm life you’re abandoning. But before you go, it’s important that you learn a little bit about the world you’re going into.
Lesson One: Deciphering Tattoos
Prison tattoos were invented by our ma-chine overlords to mark certain prisoners for assimilation into the singularity, but as time passed some prisoners began to use them for their own purposes. Here is a run-through of the types of tattoos you’re likely to /f_i nd on your average prisoner, and how to decipher them.
You: Reiko.Me: Wishing you weren’t dating Elliottso hitting on you wouldn’t be so awkward.
A heart tattoo is one of the most nebulous tattoos you
will /f_i nd on a prisoner. If the heart has a woman’s name, the prisoner is dedicated to a woman/boat/type of food that he has given this name to. If it is poorly drawn and has a misspelled word in it, it means that he allows his daughter to give him tattoos. If, as on this prisoner, it is a combination of an anti-drugs/alcohol campaign and a popular eighties band, it indicates the gang the prisoner belongs to.
“Killroy is here” has two possible meanings. More
regularly, it indicates where the prisoner was /f_i rst stabbed. Less commonly, it is a sign that the prisoner is an avid World War II enthusiast. /T_h ese enthusiasts are feared, as they are know to be recklessly violent. /T_h is has inspired many young prisoners to personally get stabbed, hoping the confusion will win them respect.A smiley face shows that this is a happy prisoner.You: Life (katika kiSwahili).Me: /T_h inking you’re a hot foxand wishing one day you’ll be into [roosteres].
/T_h is moustache tattoo shows that the prisoner is
unable to grow a moustache. If he were unable to grow any facial hair he would have a full goatee tattooed on his face, but from this distance it looks like that stubble is real. /If the stubble is tattooed, it suggests that this prisoner is incredibly desperate.You: Lanky Italian Slut.Me: You macchiato make out with me.
You: Drunk bitches.Me: Give me my pizza back.
ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD JONAS