Lewis & Clark College

The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College's Student-Run Newspaper

Volume 73, Number 16

Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper

Pioneer Log Staff

2009-02-02

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Lewis & Clark College: Pioneer Log / Mossy Log

Volume 73, Number 16 Friday, February 27, 2009 now with more fi nancial crisis!thePioneer Lewis & Clar k Colle ge’s Student-R un Ne wspaperLog
THIS WEEK INStudent Support workshop asks, “Is it fair?”
by Mariah Shields // features editor
“We will recover,” says ObamaA Workshop was held Wednesday to address student comments about the fairness of offering accomodations to students with learning disabilities.PHOTO BY NATALIE BAKER
Continued on pg. 3, FAIRNESSPioLogThe
Forum:
Features:
A&E:         
LC T rustees
discuss God and fi nances
by Tom Meath // news editorby Nichole Carnell // sports editorAn “Is It Fair?” Workshop was held
Wednesday, Feb. 25 to talk about Student
Support Services (SSS) and some questions
that have arisen regarding its necessity and
fairness. “We are hosting this event in hope
of creating a dialogue with students about
their concerns with SSS,” said Matt Lunde-
burg (’09), the SSS intern.
“Some students think that there is an aca-
demic disadvantage when you don’t receive support from our services,” said Lundeburg. /T_h is workshop hoped to let those grievances air so that people can understand why some
students receive aid and other do not. “We are not looking to make changes, we are looking for people to understand what our
services supply,” Lundeburg said.
Dale Holloway, Director of SSS, wanted
to address the grievances raised by students
without disabilities by saying that, “/T_h e problem here is that these are all invisible
disabilities which is why they cause skepti-
cism.” But this skepticism when put to words
has been known to off end and hurt students who have these disabilities, according to staff
at SSS.
SSS help students on campus with an ar-
ray of problems.
“We go beyond learning and physical dis-
abilities, we try to accommodate for students who may have had a death in the family, or
may have some sort of other mental incapac-
ity,” says Lundeburg.
But accommodations vary based on need,
and various testing is necessary to receive most accommodations off ered.
/T_h e Lewis & Clark Board of T rust-
ees met last week to vote on next aca-
demic year’s budget proposal, and dis-cuss issues of academic aff airs, student life and diversity on campus.
Of particular interest to the board
of trustees were religious diversity and the role of religion on campus. Mark Duntley, Dean of the Chapel, brought fi ve students to the board from various religious backgrounds to talk about their experiences on campus.
While LC’s claim to fame is “ignor-
ing God on a daily basis,” according to the Princeton Review, the students insisted that the campus is not simply secular, but actually anti-religious.
One student who lived in a quad
had three religious roommates that transferred due to cultural and re-ligious reasons. /T_h e board was sur-prised at this tense religious climate. /T_h e board was also concerned at the discrepancy between LC’s real and ad-vertised diversity.
“Some students come to LC only
to fi nd out that it is less diverse than they thought,” ASLC President Shane Rivera (’09).
Another key issue to the board
was that of student retention, because President Obama addressed a joint ses-
sion of Congress on T uesday night in which he talked to not only the House and Senate members but also “directly and frankly to the men and women who sent us here.”
He focused his speech on the economic
agenda, his commitment to energy, health care and education, and what he plans to do to fi x the struggling economy.
“We will rebuild, we will recover, and the
United States will emerge stronger than be-fore,” President Obama said.
/T_h e President’s biggest promise concerned
cutting the defi cit by one-half by the end of his fi rst term. Obama said his administration will need time to fi nd ways to save money, but he and his advisors al-ready have found a way to save $2 tril-lion.
By ending ed-
ucation programs that do not work, stopping direct pay-ments to large agri-businesses that don’t need them, eliminating no-bid contracts wasted in the Iraq War, reforming the defense budget, fi xing a broken Medicare system and re-storing balance in the tax system by ending unfair tax breaks for the wealthiest two
percent, Americans will be put back to work
and corporate outsourcing should stop.
“Given these realities, everyone in this
chamber, Democrats and Republicans, will have to sacrifi ce some worthy priorities for which there are no dollars. And that includes me,” said Obama.
Obama made sure to stress his stance on
taxes. “In order to save our children from a future of debt, we will also end the tax breaks for the wealthiest 2 percent,” said Obama.
“But let me be perfectly clear, because I
know you’ll hear the same old claims that rolling back these tax breaks means a massive tax increase on the American people: if your
family earns less than
$250,000 a year, you
will not see your taxes increase a sin-gle dime,” pressed
Obama. “I repeat, not one single
dime.”
He did not stop
there, however. /T_h e President defended his stance and re-stored confi dence in his decisions, for what has been seen as a sell-out move
by Obama to bail
out failing banks.
“My job—our
job—is to solve
the problem. Our
job is to govern with
a sense of responsibil-
ity,” said Obama.
ILLUSTRATION BY KATELYN MUNDAL
Continued on pg. 2, BOARDContinued on
pg. 3, OBAMA
Katherine
Dunn at
LCLadies and Gents of the Bon
No fans!?page 10page 8page 4
page 14Editorial Board:
/T_h e new
ASLC Constitution
Sports:Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008News 2 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
Pioneer
Log
the
ED I T O R S I N CH I E F:
D G 
S S
NE W S ED I T O R S :
T M 
A W
FO R U M ED I T O R S :
M P 
A W
FE A T U R E S ED I T O R S :
D H 
M S
AR T S ED I T O R S :
C MC 
L O’C
SP O R T S ED I T O R :
N C 
H B
BA C K D O O R ED I T O R :
B BI
L L U S T R A T I O N ED I T O R :
R MCI
L L U S T R A T O R S :
K M, A
H  B J
PH O T O ED I T O R S :
N B 
K S
PH O T O G R A P H E R S :
C G, P E-
, A J  H M
C
O P Y ED I T O R S :
K M 
T P
ST A F F WR I T E R S :
J B, M G.
R, H M, L Y, K J,  A L
W
E B M A S T E R :
H B SA
D V I S O R :
P C
***
T P I O N E E R LO G  
  L  C -
    
 . W  -
        . W      -, ,  -, ,   .
W     
   , ,           P
I O N E E R LO G. A-
, L   E  E   -
    
 P
I O N E E R LO G  L 
C C.
***
T P L
/uniF643/uniF649/uniF644/uniF648 SW P H R.
MSC /uniF644/uniF645/uniF644
P, OR /uniF64C/uniF64A/uniF645/uniF644/uniF64C
: (/uniF648/uniF643/uniF646) /uniF64A/uniF649/uniF64B-/uniF64A/uniF644/uniF647/uniF649
E-: @.
://..
T P I O N E E R LO G    
 .Obama talks
to Congress
PHOTO BY ALEXA JOHNSON
 A student reported graffi ti in
Odell Hall on Feb. 16.
 An employee reported vandalism
and theft from a vending machine
in Templeton on Feb. 20.
Campus Safety reported an incident
that occurred late Friday night, approxi-mately between 1:20 am and 1:45 am, in which a vending machine inside of Templeton Student Center was found vandalized.
“/T_h e glass was completely shattered
into thousands of tiny pieces all over the carpet,” explained Campus Safety Offi -cer John Bruce, who discovered the bro-ken vending machine while on rounds.
Offi cer Bruce noted that there is cur-
rently no lead on who the perpetrators of this crime are, nor has it been deter-mined how the machine was actually broken. It was, however, clear that food products were stolen.
“Dammit! Now I can’t get my Fritos!”
said Natalie Eagan (’11) when informed of the crime. “Isn’t there, like, a security camera there, or something?”
Many students were apparently con-
fused over the nature of the incident.
“I didn’t even know that it got broken
into, actually,” said Katie Krussel (’11). “I thought that they were discontinuing the vending machine products.”
T wo students were downright jealous Crime Beat
Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / CrimeBeat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Beat / Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat/ Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crimeby Natalie Baker // photo editorLC trustees fi nalize budget
continued from BOARD, pg.1
there has been an increase in students
leaving LC to transfer to other schools.
/T_h e meeting focused on reducing the
fi nancial reasons for transferring students,
but Rivera believes that there is more to it
than that. According to Rivera, there are social and cultural reasons that make some
students feel like they do not belong.
/T_h e meeting focused mainly on tuition
and fi nancial aid, which are high priori-
ties to board members during the current
economic crisis. “Given the condition of
the economy, they wanted to make cer-
tain we were prepared for changes in the
economy,” said Vice President and Pro-
vost Jane Atkinson. “/T_h ey wanted assur-
ances we were taking into account eff ects
on enrollment, gifts and other sources of
revenue.”
/T_h e budget proposal, which took many
months to develop, was unanimously ap-
proved by the board, which was impressed
by the actions taken to secure students.
/T_h e budget included a 9.7% increase
in fi nancial aid, a 4.5% increase in tu-
ition, which is a smaller increase than in
prior years, a 7% increase in work study
funding and an increase in funding to the
health and counseling centers. Overload in the health and counseling centers lead
to the increase of funding, which is viewed
as a quality of
life and stu-
dent reten-
tion issue,
according to
Dean of Stu-
d e n t s continued from OBAMA, pg.1
“I will not spend a single penny for the
purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive, but I will do whatever it takes
to help the small business that can’t pay its
workers or the family that has saved and still
can’t get a mortgage,” he said. He sent the message home: “/T_h at’s what this is about. It’s not about helping banks; it’s about helping people.” Energy was also a signifi cant issue addressed by Obama. He reiterated that his adminis-tration is committed to “truly transforming” the United States energy program. “It is time for America to lead again,” said President Obama.
/T_h e President and his administration
plan to double the supply of renewable en-ergy. President Obama has also initiated the largest investment in energy research fund-ing in American history. Mr. President also plans to invest $15 billion in development of bio-fuels, clean coal, wind power and other renewable energy resources.
/T_h e President also revealed that he is soon
going to ask Congress to place a market-based cap on carbon pollution that will in eff ect drive production of renewable energy. President Obama focused specifi cally on the auto industry saying, “ /T_h e nation that in-vented the automobile cannot walk away from it.”
“I wish he wasn’t so incredibly vague,”
said Fitz Ryland (’10), “but I would agree with his loss of patience with uncooperative Republicans.”
Obama, ever the optimist, made sure to
appeal to the American in everyone: “His-tory reminds us that at every moment of economic upheaval and transformation, this nation has responded with bold action and big ideas.”
The vending machine inside Templeton now lies
empty and barren after being broken into.Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crime Beat
of the criminals. “I think it’s brilliant. I
wish I had done it,” said Alexandra He-bler (’11).
“I’d do it. How do you know I didn’t?”
said Heather Purchase (’11). All untouched
snacks left behind by the perpetra-tors were tempo-rarily stored over the weekend in the Campus Safe-ty offi ce, tempt-ing those who work there.
“It was just this
huge garbage bag fi lled with candy bars and chips and Rice Krispie treats sitting right here on the fl oor,” lamented Cam-pus Safety Dis-patcher Maureen Allen.
/T_h e unwant-
ed snacks were picked up on Monday by Can-teen, the com-pany that owns the vending ma-chines.
/T_h ere are un-
doubtedly better
ways of dealing
with what inspired this delinquency.
“If someone loses their money in the
vending machine, Bon Appétit refunds the money just come to the Bon offi ce,” said Operation Manager of Bon Appétit, Don Sprauer.Celestino Limas.
“As the College transitions through
this fi nancial period, we feel it’s important to invest in our most important commod-ity: students,” says Limas. “/T_h e board was mindful about the tuition status for our
students in this climate.
In order to pay for the increase in
funding to these areas, the accepted bud-
get also included a number of areas that
will be cut. /T_h e Sellwood Shuttle and some daytime hours on the Pioneer Ex-press will be cut. Heating, water, and electricity usage will be reduced by 10%, specifi cally changing the temperature in buildings from 75 to 78 degrees during summer and from 72 to 68 during win-ter. Instead of replacing computers every four years, faculty will replace them every fi ve. Also plans for building the new stu-dent center are being reevaluated in light of the new budget.
Rivera and ASLC Vice President Ben
Brysacz (’09) represented the student body, along with a representative from SAAB, and representatives from the law school and graduate school. Student rep-resentatives lack voting power; their po-sition is to off er student voice to inform and infl uence the voting members.
While LC’s claim to fame
is “ignoring God on a daily
basis, according to the Princ-
eton review, the students in-sisted that the campus is not
simply secular, but actually
anti-religious.
IILLUSTRATION BY ROB MCCORMACK3Volume 73, Number 1 News the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
Careers for Pioneersby Hannah Meganck // staff writer
Photo by Katie SugarmaN
Last Sunday, Lewis & Clark Alumni came to campus to offer advice about life
after college. The event, hosted in Albany by the Community and Career Connec -
tions office, was set up was a bit like speed dating: each table of students was
given twenty minutes with a pair of alumni, who imparted advice on their diverse
experiences. There were approximately 30 alumni from a variety of careers, in -
cluding non-profit work, business management, scientific research and teaching.As a part of the Physics Colloquium Se -
ries organized by Associate Professor of Phys -
ics Michael Broide, a new speaker is brought
to the Lewis & Clark campus several times
a semester to talk about a particular area of
physics study.
Last Monday’s lecture, titled “Why
Beaches Exist,” featured Stephen Hender -
son, an Assistant Professor of Environmental
Geophysics at Washington State University.
Henderson studies “waves, currents and sedi -
ment transport in the coastal ocean” in an ef -
fort to help understand and predict coastal
patterns and “help engineers to design better
coastal structures and plan for such problems
as coastal pollution, flooding and erosion.”
Henderson’s lecture reviewed past work
scientists have done to measure waves, cur -
rents and sediment transport, as well as ex -
plained in great detail his own work in the
field.
A very sophisticated topic masked by a
simple name, Henderson’s work includes Is student support fair?
continued from FAIRNESS, p.1
Rachel Orlansky, the educational spe -
cialist for SSS, as well as Lundeburg, went
through some of the more common disabili -
ties that they see and the accommodations
their program offers. Some of the most prev -
alent disabilities and categories SSS works
with include: Attention Deficit Disorder,
Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia, Dyslexia, as well
as other verbal and nonverbal learning dif -
ferences.
Accommodations made for these kinds
of disabilities include notetakers, extended
times for test taking, private rooms for test
taking, the ability to use a laptop computer,
alternative text (like Braille and audio files)
and some flexibility on some assignment
due dates. Each of these accommodations
is made for specific situations to best match
student needs.
The workshop was opened for questions
about any concerns or comments regarding
SSS. Staff of SSS, as well as students who at -
tended the workshop, took turns in answer -
ing questions raised to give a full and even
perspective on specific situations.
One of the questions raised was, “What
do you think about the idea that accom -
modations act as a crutch for students with
disabilities and later affect them in the real
world?” An overwhelming response to this
question was that students with disabilities know their strengths and weaknesses and
will be able to apply that knowledge to their
work in the real world. There are also cer -
tain jobs that accommodate for disabilities.
One student also added that to generalize
students who use SSS as making excuses
and taking advantage is grossly unfair. SSS
does not diagnose disabilities; professionals
are in charge of that aspect.The final topic
addressed by the forum was that LC, like
most campuses, is an artificial environment -
that gives tests and assignments unlike those
found in the “real world.”
There are drawbacks to needing accom -
modations, according to students at the
workshop. T wo students stated that they had
to take eight hours to take the SATs that are
required by most colleges for acceptance, an
exhausting task which shows that time ex -
tensions are sometimes more crippling than
disability itself.
It is a huge time commitment to arrange
accommodations, different test times and ar -
eas, and anything else that may be necessary
just to give a student equal opportunity to
show what they know, said Holloway. She
also cited a study, which showed that stu -
dents who do not need extra time due to a
learning difference do not perform better
with extra time. In that way, she said, time
extensions on exams do not create an unfair
advantage for students who recieve them.
complicated mathematics, technology and
definitions only completely understood by
the other professors in the room.
These lectures bring in and showcase the
experts and allow for an interactive learning
environment where students can ask ques -
tions and have in-depth conversations about
otherwise un-covered topics.
Although sophisticated topics in Physics,
these lectures are open to all students, with
pre-colloquium discussions at 3:45 p.m. in
the Olin Foyer. Upcoming colloquia in the
series include::
March 2 – Mike Roberts of SKF , the world’s
largest manufacturer of bearings, discusses “En -
ergy and Sustainability Management.”
March 16 – Scott Henderson (‘08) of the
USGS Cascades Volcano Observatory, discusses
“Debris-Flow Physics & Modeling.”
April 6 – Scott Anderson (‘08), of the USGS
Portland Water Resource District, discusses “Ac -
counting for Change: Developing a Sediment
Budget for the Chetco River.”
Lectures are held Mondays at 4:00 p.m. in
Olin room 204.Visiting lecturers explore
topics for Physics series
Professor Stephen Henderson of Washington State University explained
the physics of beaches in a colloquium on Monday.Photo by haNNah megaNcKFrom left: Bill Casson (’11), Jon Shectman (’09) and Stephanie Taimi-Man -
del (’09) were among the students who joined the conversation about the
fairness of student support accommodations on Wednesday.Photo by Natalie baKer
Friday, September 12, 2008 Forum 4 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
/T_h e Executive Council publicized a new constitu-
tion T uesday that plans to convert the existing execu-
tive board system to a senate system. It will also estab-
lish a few new restrictions to eligibility.
/T_h e Pioneer Log endorses the proposed addition of
12 senator positions divided evenly amongst the four
grades. We oppose the addition of a SAAC voting rep-
resentative, and propose that their representative status
be changed to delegate, as it stands now.
/T_h e Pioneer Log also supports the proposed GPA re-
quirement for executive council and senator positions,
respectively 2.75 and 2.5.
We agree with the removal of the fi rst-year advocate
position in exchange for the fi rst-year senators because
of the expanded representation. /T_h e new constitution states, “Each candidate for fi rst-year class Senator is re-
quired to submit a letter of recommendation/reference
from their academic advisor or Exploration and Dis-
covery instructor in lieu of the minimum grade point
average requirement.” /T_h e Pioneer Log would like to
see a diff erent method employed for referring fresh-
man senators than the one currently proposed, because
it is diffi cult to create an opinion of students in two
weeks.
We also believe that the Executive Council’s mo-
tivation to push through the proposed alterations to
the constitution should be met with enthusiasm from
Lewis & Clark students. /T_h ough the time period be-
tween the introduction of the new constitution and
the student body vote is less than two weeks, it is a now or never circumstance. Even with potentially re-
turning members—of which there is no guarantee—
to ease the proposed senate system into play, the con-
stitution should be put to vote when the motivation is
defi nitely present.
Last fall’s presidential election showed the world the
importance of change. Now LC students have an op-
portunity to enact change within our own community.
After a few minor revisions, the ratifi cation of the pro-
posed constitution will accomplish favorable change
within our student government.
A forum was held Wednesday for student debate of the
pending constitution. Another forum will be held Tuesday
March 3 in Council Chambers. /T_h e proposed constitu-
tion will be brought to a student body vote on /T_h ursday
March 5.Editorial Board
the Pioneer Log
/T_h e idea of Cascadia has existed since explorers Lewis and
Clark were sent by Jeff erson to scout out the Louisiana Pur-
chase in 1803. Although recognized in several diff erent con-texts, essentially, Cascadia would be made up of states on the western side of the US, and would hold sovereign authority over its territory. /T_h e theory behind Cascadia is similar to the ideas espoused by revolutionaries in the late-mid 1700s: why should we be told what to do by people who live thousands of miles away?
Cascadians have attempted movements to secede in the
past. When Southern states seceded in 1861, an Oregon- based movement attempted to assert their right to disaffi li-ate. Unfortunately, the movement drowned itself when it be-gan to be associated with the Knights of the Golden Circle, which was among other things a strong pro-slavery group. Californians also attempted a move, but eventually returned to the Union as well.
It wasn’t really until the 1930s that another truly assertive
movement towards liberty was instigated, this time involv-ing Southern Oregon and Northern California. /T_h e driving force behind this State of Jeff erson was the economic dispar-ity between these regions and their counter parts, especially as the state capitols, Salem and Sacramento, were far distant. /T_h e State of Jeff erson Citizens Committee drafted a Procla-mation of Independence on November 27, 1941. Less than two months later the project was couched as Pearl Harbor galvanized the nation.
Recent eff orts to declare independence include the forma-
tion of the Cascadian National Party in September of 2001. Unfortunately 9/11 occured only a couple of days later. In-stantly, everything, including Cascadian independence, was placed on the back burner. /T_h e party lost interest and faded out of existence.
A short aside for all you conspiracy theorists out there:
/T_h e legitimacy of the Pearl Harbor and 9/11 attacks have been questioned, involving the possibility of previous offi cial knowledge and even US government complicity. Is it just co-incidence that both of the biggest movements for indepen-dence in the last century have been immediately overlooked due to massive casualty disasters which then instigate war?
In 2005, the Cascadian Independence Project, a grass-
roots interest group was formed. /T_h eir website defi nes Casca-dia as “the unique coastal-mountain bioregion between San Francisco and the Alaskan panhandle in which the dominant culture is one of respect and honor for the environment and a strong tradition of democracy and social justice.” Cascadia is 531,770 sq. mi. (855,762 sq. km.) and is populated by an estimated 14,220,981 people. According to a 2006 estimate Cascadia pulled in $589 billion.
On topics such as medical marijuana and physician-assist-
ed suicide the federal government has done and continues to do just about everything in their power to re-verse the perfectly legally composed laws that allow citizens of these states an increased quali-ty of life. Such policies, when enacted through constitutionally defi ned means and ratifi ed by the citizens which it will aff ect, really aren’t for some fat-cat in Washington, D.C. to decide.
As much as the idea of a totally new Cas-
cadian country is appealing, I’m not sure that it’s all that feasible. For starters, it’s going to Cascadia: Will we rise up?
be diffi cult to secede after Lincoln closed the book on the Confederacy. On the other hand it has been over 150 years
since then. /T_h e other, and far more pressing issue, is the fact
that a transition to the international community will place a
lot of strain on any infant government that would come into existence.
One possible compromise might be to take a hint from
our great-granddaddies over in Europe and make up some kind of union of sovereign nation states. /T_h is could allow the West (and maybe add a couple more regions) to act inde-pendently, living the fullest lives we can. /T_h is will still allow some connection between the areas, and hell we’ve got Mi-crosoft, Silicon Valley, Nike, i.e. plenty of business interest, which could work as leverage in the capitalistic game that politics is these days.
Undoubtedly Cascadia must become independent. From
the history of this movement progress is slow to non-exis-tent, with a peculiar penchant for massive disaster to spring up right as things get into motion. What will you do? Will we rise up?
ILLUSTRATION BY MELODY PARKER
A proposed map of Cascadia includes regions of
Canada, the Columbia watershed and California.by Alex Warnes // forum editor
PHOTO BY NATALIE BAKER
Students discuss the constitutional changes with the Executive Council.ILLUSTRATION BY KATHRYN MILLER/T_h e Editorial Board of the Pioneer Log represents the col-
lective opinions of the staff on an important campus issue.
the Pioneer Log
ILLUSTRATION BY KATHRYN MILLER
5Volume 73, Number 1 Forum the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
by Kiel Johnson // staff writer as a joke, no one really seems to care that our
campus is abandoning its promise to reduce
carbon emissions by canceling a signifi cant
portion of the shuttle service, people drink Coca-Cola.
It is not at all diffi cult to fi nd the “missed
opportunities” Shields talks about. Last week,
I hosted a movie night for the Eco-Olympics,
however I found out hosting a movie night on campus might as well be called “watch a movie by yourself” because that is what I ended up doing.
It would be easy to blame a lack of adver-
tising or that students don’t care about the environment, but the issue goes deeper than that.
Why is it that I can throw a movie night
to show a deeply thought-provoking movie (“Children of Men”) and no one shows up, however, if I were to host a triple-kegger with multiple games of beer pong and blast the same shitty music we listened to at our mid-dle school dances, I would have so many peo-ple at my doorstep that my doorstep would be made out of people?
Student apathy is not about students not
caring, it is about them caring about other things, too. /T_h e apathy Shields talks about is a result of there not being a connection be-tween the two.
/T_h e divisions we create between our school
life and our social life dictate how we spend our time. /T_h ese lines are institutionalized in many ways. Fun is supposed to be spent ILLUSTRATION BY KATHRYN MILLER
hey you!
Got something to say?

S E N D L E T T E R S T O T H E E D I T O R A N D G U E S T
E D I T O R I A L S T O P I O L O G @L C L A R K .E D U“Live without deadtime; enjoy
without chains.” /T_h is was the slogan Parisian University students shouted as they fought for a social revolution. In 1968, these students took over their
campuses in the name of shaking up the
establishment.
/T_h e people who participated in this
revolution were about as engaged as they
come, yet as soon as they took over their
campuses, nothing overtly changed. /T_h e
unquestionable lack of apathy that had
accompanied their triumphs didn’t lead to the leftist economic models proposed or even a change in government. For the
most part, these student revolutionaries
failed to connect the real world with the
ideals they had written about.
Many of the grand idealists eventual-
ly abandoned their revolutions, not be-
cause of lack of eff ort but because their
eff ort was not sustainable. /T_h e only suc-
cesses of the “May Revolutions” came when students were able to combine what they learned with preexisting social
issues.
In last week’s issue of the PioLog, Fea-
tures Editor Mariah Shields (’11) asked
if Lewis & Clark students can do bet-ter. Her concern is what seems to be a
general lack of apathy on campus. Stu-
dents don’t go to events, sports are seen Live without dead time!
Correction:
In last week’s Sustainability is Sexy we
neglected to print that Dana Crane was a
co-writer. We apologize for our mistake./T_h omas Edison once remarked, “/T_h e
scope of thrift is limitless.” Leonardo Da Vin-
ci once drew a picture of a primitive helicop-
ter. /T_h ese two seemingly unconnected issues
(spending and helicopters) have fi nally cul-
minated in a political grudge match that may ultimately defi ne our generation. Standing in our corner is the Cinderella Man: President
Barack “/T_h e Juggernaut” Obama.
I can only imagine the size of the manila
folder President Obama must have received on his fi rst day in offi ce, entitled “Unfi nished
Business”; and no, I am not referring to the title of the milestone 2004 hip-hop collabo-
ration featuring Jay-Z and R-Kelly.
It turns out that President George W.
Bush left a few strings untied. His Lego set was not fully assembled. His recycling was
not sorted. Sometime after 2001, Bush or-
dered a replacement helicopter fl eet for the old and tried fl eet of 11 Sikorsky VH-3D Sea Kings and 8 VH-60N Black Hawks. Unfor-by Andrew Lyle // staff writerObama and his hellion helicopters
drunk with your buddies. While drinking is
pretty fun, advertisements also try pretty hard to make sure we understand what fun is.
On the opposing side, work is supposed to
be about learning how society is going down the crapper because everyone is out drinking. Our teachers and academia in general do a good job at rewarding this kind of thought.
However, the two are never connected.
When was the last time any of us had a truly thought-provoking conversation at a kegger? When was the last time someone had a keg-ger in their classroom?
/T_h is separation chains us to certain ways
of thinking about how we spend our time. /T_h is is part of what the French were rebel-ling against and this is what we need to rebel against as well.
/T_h e “Paris Revolutions” only lasted for a
little more than a month. /T_h e overarching leftist dreams were not sustainable, just like getting people to come watch an environ-mental-themed movie with me was not sus-tainable.
Events must reach out and combine al-
ready existing things that people do. We must fi nd ways to put our messages into already existing social functions, otherwise they will never become permanent.
How do we make a kegger sustainable?
Anyone concerned about sustainability should be asking these questions and work-ing to create solutions. “Sustainable keggers” should be a workshop our school off ers, not
movie nights with Kiel Johnson.
It is only when we combine the knowl-
edge we learn in school with how we see
the world can change occur. Apathy is not about a lack of eff ort, it is about how we institutionalize and reward eff ort. We must not be trying to reinvent the wheel constantly because we will never be able to move on to start working to build the rest of the bicycle.
Last year, Focus the Nation was so suc-
cessful because it combined school with environmentalism. For a day, the teachers that we love took a day off from teaching classes and talked about global warming. Rooms were packed.
Apathy is only apathy if we choose to
see it that way. I hope that student leaders and the leaders of the school are constantly reevaluating how we spend our time and money to revise how academics meet the social sphere.
/T_h is is the only way real change can
occur. /T_h e trick is not getting students to “Live without dead time,” it is getting peo-ple to realize where “dead time” ends and “live time” begins.tunately he never saw the deal through to its
end, and left it to his successor.
I know what you’re thinking: what the hell
does the President need 19 helicopters for?
Well, if you have ever seen “/T_h e Italian Job,” you would come to realize the strategic ad-
vantages of decoys. /T_h ere is now speculation
that Bush saw “/T_h e Italian Job,” noted the
failure of the decoys to deceive Mark Wahl-
berg’s crackerjack instincts, fancied a govern-ment purchase of 19 mini-Coopers, recov-
ered his wits, and realized that 19 helicopters
would just not cut it.
What follows has been mythologized as
the most crack-job bidding in private heli-
copter sales’ history. Bush increased his de-
sired fl eet to the magnitude of 28 helicopters,
and awarded the contract to none other than
Lockheed Martin: a company that had never built a helicopter.
Allegedly, Lockheed has a sister company
based in Britain and Italy which produces
some type of three engine helicopter, and
Lockheed would take on the task of modi-fying it to presidential standards. Complica-tions arose, however, when Lockheed engi-
neers realized a helicopter isn’t the same thing
as an airplane (their usual pièce de résistance).
Fifteen years ago Lockheed Martin possessed
the technology to send a Milstar Sattelite into
/T_h e most crack-job bid-
ding in private helicopter
sales’ history.orbit, and yet helicopter modifi ca-tion has proved more diffi cult than solving an eight sided Rubik’s cube.
In any case, the project has faced many
complications and setbacks, and Obama faces a price tag expanding to $11 billion. With the economy on the fritz, our Cinder-ella Man faces some tough decisions in the coming weeks.
Before Obama makes any decisions, how-
ever, it is important discover the genesis of this issue. Perhaps the political cogitation that formed this policy is not completely irra-tional. It certainly seems unlikely that Bush’s only intention was to create an aeronautical representation of /T_h omas Crown Aff air. “/T_h is political sortie probably illustrates the oft-forgotten presidential yearn-ing for stylistic variety. /T_h e song “Mo’ Money,” from the Jay-Z/R. Kelly collaboration, poignantly describes the kind of inclina-tions which foster such policy decisions. Jay-Z remarks that he’s “gettin’ this money, switchin’ my whips and my kicks like I’m just addicted to diff erence.” And when you’re fresh like that, an $11 bil-lion “whip switch” is not an excep-tionally unusual policy decision.
as a joke, no one really seems to care that our
Sustainability is sexy
CLASSIFIED:
LOST & FOUND
FOUND IN REGISTRAR
OFFICE NECKLACE AND
RING. PLEASE COME
TO REG OFFICE, MUST
IDENTIFY .Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 Forum 6 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
art by alex WarNeS
Eastern Europeans are given a negative reputation by Hollywood productions.by Melody Parker // forum editor
Current Hollywood hit “Taken” fol -
lows a popular plotline of many thriller,
movies: former spy Bryan Mills (played
by Oscar-nominee Liam Neeson) tracks
a group of Albanian gangsters who
have abducted his traveling daughter,
drugged her, and sold her into the sex
slave trade. Alter the character names
and the eastern European country, and
you have a guaranteed Hollywood hit.
After all, “Taken” has been top 10 in the
box office since it came out late Janu -
ary.
American films with Eastern Europe -
an references inappropriately promote
countries at the expense of their citi -
zens. Hollywood filmmakers are weakly
attempting to place Eastern European
countries on the map with subtle ridi -
cules of American stereotypes.
These attempts are backfiring. Mov -
ies like “Taken,” and the ever-popular
films “Hostel” and “Borat” aren’t argu -
able attempts at social critiques. They
are commercial exploitations that train
Americans to either fear or mock East -
ern European citizens, most of whom
lack the resources to combat the Hollywood
typecasting and labeling they fall victim to.
Consider this dialogue from the 1997
Robert De Niro film “Wag the Dog,” in
which a Hollywood producer and Washing -
ton spin-doctor fabricate a war with Albania
to cover up a presidential sex scandal:
Winifred Ame s: Why Albania?
Conrad “Connie” Brea n: Why not?
Winifred Ame s: What have they done to
us?
Conrad “Connie” Brea n: What have they
done FOR us? What do you know about
them?
Winifred Ame s: Nothing.
Conrad “Connie” Brea n: See? They keep to
themselves. Shifty. Untrustable.
Hollywood filmmakers follow this reason -
ing when targeting villains for their next hit
movies. As most moviegoers are well aware
of, the film industry recreates plots that
they know will sell tickets. And stereotypes
of Eastern Europeans sell. Everyone likes a
juicy action or horror plot, and who better
to play the role of the villain than the elusive
Eastern European male, with his dark eyes and indiscernible accent? Albanian to Rus -
sian, it really doesn’t matter what country
you’re from—if you’re from Eastern Europe,
you will be a target.
“Hostel” is the perfect example of the
Eastern European stereotype. Director Eli
Roth did not visit any of the Slovakian ar -
eas in which his movie was set. Most viewers
could not differentiate between these loca -
tions and the one where “Hostel” was actu -
ally filmed—Prague, Czech Republic.
Even thought it was not filmed in their
country, after the movie came out, Slovakian
officials expressed concern that the movie’s
horrific plot would harm tourism rates. Roth
retorted that there are seven movies in the
“Chainsaw Massacre” series, yet people still
go to Texas. “Americans do not even know
that [Slovakia] exists,” said Roth. “My film
is not a geographical work but aims to show
Americans’ ignorance of the world around
them.”
Apparently a film about American men
traveling to Slovakia, being lured and ab -
ducted by beautiful Eastern European wom -en only to be thrust in to a torture ring is
to be construed as an “eye-opening” piece
about social injustice. Well, the only thing
I remember is the Achilles-tendon cutting
scene.
To the uncritical American eye, seeing
shady portrayals of easterners does not send
the message “Americans need to reconsider
their assumptions about foreign countries.”
It simply screams “Don’t send your sons and
daughters to Eastern Europe—they’ll be kid -
napped, raped or killed by drug lords, pimps
and gangsters!”
Roth’s argument that films featuring East -
ern European locations promote cultural
awareness equates with Sasha Baron Co -
hen’s use of the country Kazakhstan in his
mockumentary. Before “Borat,” how many
Americans knew the country of Kazakhstan
existed? How many still believe that it is a
fictional country created for the movie? Ka -
zakhstan is, in fact, a real country, just like
Russia or Mexico. But unlike these countries,
the number of Kazakh immigrants is so low
that filmmakers had no need to fear uproar
during the mov -
ie’s box office
reign—their pop -
ulation is simply
not strong enough to fight back.
Sadly, many Eastern European
communities lack the ability to up -
end stereotypes about their countries
because they lack the resources to
do so. Take the mountain-town of
Glod, Romania, for example. “Bo -
rat” begins with a gag slideshow of
real citizens from this peasant village,
known to movie-watchers as Borat’s
“hometown.” Borat introduces view -
ers to his prostitute sister, amongst
many other town members.
One scene shows a man with a
rubber sex toy fist attached to the
stump of his amputated arm. In real
life, that man is Nicu T udorache, a
deeply religious grandfather who was
conned into filming the scene by the
Hollywood film crew that barraged
his quaint thousand-person village
for four days of filming. When in -
terviewed after the movie came out,
T udorache said, “I never imagined
the whole country, or even the whole
world, will see me in the cinemas
ridiculed in this way. “
Would we still be laughing if T u -
dorache were not an Eastern European man,
but rather a refugee at a camp in Darfur with
a dildo attached to his or her missing body
part? Suddenly Sasha Baron Cohen’s gim -
micks are nauseatingly empty.
The main problem with exploitation of
Eastern European communities in films is
that the information the American movie-
going public gleans about these areas is en -
tirely contorted and one-sided. Leaving the
theatre after watching “Taken,” Americans
are left with a feeling of uneasiness about the
hidden dangers of traveling in Eastern Eu -
rope. We leave comedies like “Borat” laugh -
ing and mimicking accents of poor unedu -
cated townspeople.
Though the plot lines of these movies are
fake, a lot of the surrounding issues such as
poverty, drug use and gang violence are legit -
imate sources of pain for many residents of
these countries. Maybe someday Hollywood
will turn its focus from thrilling audiences to
educating them, but this can only happen
when America stops buying into their ploy.
So far, “Taken” has amassed over $90 million
in theatres.
No one interviewed from the town of
Glod had ever been able to afford a trip to the
closest movie theatre, 20 miles away. “Our
region is very poor,” said T udorache, “Every -
one is trying to get out of this misery.” Eastern Europe’s role in Hollywood:
it’s time to upend the stereotype
Tonight is a typical Wednesday night. I’ve been on
campus since 7 a.m., working to pay my rent on time,
getting through class, writing my thesis or otherwise oc -
cupied somewhere in the depths of the Watzek library in
my efforts to graduate. I am frazzled, hungry, sleep-de -
prived and catching a cold. I am standing in line at the
Bon, waiting excitedly for a hot meal and a chance to rest
my brain.
But what grating noise comes pummeling into my oth -
erwise sleepy soft I-need-some-fucking-peace conscious -
ness? Yet another Freshperson, bitching about yet another
delicious, hot, fresh, sustainable, local, spicy, tasty Bon
meal. I take a deep breath, and think to myself, WHAT
IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM??? Have you people
been to any other college in your short little lives? Have
you eaten the greasy, soggy, 3,000 calorie per bite bullshit
that comes from fucking Kentcky served at other cafete -
rias? Or have you finally eliminated all functionality of
your taste buds in your silly efforts to fit in through nico -
tine consumption?
I don’t know the answer. But I do know that if I have to
sit through another rich, spoiled, white liberal arts college
kid complaining about the food prepared by exceedingly
talented chefs using environmentally-conscious food, ca -
tering to your desires to have vegan preferences, gluten-
free needs and fast-food cravings all at the same time, I’m
gonna fucking scream.If you all had
been here 3 years ago,
when the vegetables
were obviously 30 per -
cent rubber and
days old macca -
roni and cheese
reigned the long
food lines ev -
ery night, you
would be weep -
ing with grati -
tude at how de -
licious the food is that
you get to eat in our cafeteria. And
when you move off campus and have to start cook -
ing your own food (which you may come to realize is
limited to quesadillas and Cheerios), you will prob -
ably be weeping with regret that you didn’t savor ev -
ery bite of nourishment you were given.
Every student at this school comes from some
kind of privilege or another. In this increasingly
troubled and tumultuous world, we are lucky to be
eating, period. Please, please, please , for the sake of
my own unstable sanity and for the honor of the
hundreds of thousands of people around the world
literally starving to death, be grateful for what you
have, and find some more significant thing to waste
your time complaining about. by Calli Bishop // guest writer
IlluStratIoN by
alex HeblerThe Soapbox: The Bon is bombFeatures 7 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
nine days out >>>>
1friday saturday sunday
monday tuesday wednesday
thursday friday saturday27 28 1
2 3 4
5 6 7February 27 th to March 7 th
Bullseye Gallery presents “Due North”
300 N.W. 13th Ave, FreeCollaboration between Portland’s BullseyeGlass Company and North Lands Creative Glassin the Scottish Highlands.Saturday Market reopens for the season!10:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.Darrel Morris: /T_h e Large Works 1999 – 2008Museum of Contemporary CraftFree
Physics Colloquium: Energy and Sustainability ManagementOlin 204, 4:00 p.m.Commencement CountdownStamm West, 10:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.
Gender Studies Symposium planning meeting
Howard 302, 3:30 p.m.Everyone is welcome to attend!
Annual Steinhardt Lecture: Dr. Linda BilmesCouncil Chambers, 7:30 p.m./T_h e impact of the Iraq War on the U.S. Economy.
D.A. Powell Poetry Reading
Manor House, 7:00 p.m.Alexander String QuartetEvans Auditorium, 8:00 p.m.Free for studentsBookstore Focus Group: School Spirit ClothingTempleton, /T_h ayer, 12:00 p.m.Help decide on graphic choices and manufacturing procedures of new LC clothing.
SAAB Research Grant Deadline
12:00 p.m.
Spices of the World: 44th Annual International FairTempleton, 11:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.
“MILK” Screening
Council Chambers, 10:00 p.m.Free with LC ID.ADRIAN GUERRERO (’12)by Kathryn Miller // copy editor style source
adrian guerrero
class of 2012bay area IA major
10. Running
9. Accordians8. Zapatistas7. “Amélie”6. Parliamentary debate5. Singing4. Questionable content3. Magical realism2. Languages1. Free (good) condoms0. Beyoncé. Just Google those curves.
mantra:cyndi lauper or joni mitchell?
can i say beyonce? yes. beyonc é.
loves: the countdownthanks, mama
“My mama is responsible for any style I have.
She dressed me in little suits and ties when I
was little, so I try to keep it going. I go low-pro-fi le. These topsiders I got cheap. I get it cheap,
like everybody else. Really, it’s all her.”
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of
the shadow of death , I fear no evil…”“I like art that unsettles people.
‘Clockwork Orange.’ The Scream. It’s
just good to get uncomfortable some-times and acknowledge that you have
those feelings.”
FERTILE
REAL
ROOTS
What do you go for after a Chinese
oral exam?
“I can think of two things. One of
them is Annie’s burritos.”
Volume 73, Number 1 Features 8the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
( ((
Photo of the week
This week’s photo was taken by
Jarré Lyman (’11)
Submit original photos in
anticipation of the photo
contest to be featured as our
“Photo of the week.”
e-mail piolog@lclark.edu!
Contest submissions due by
Tuesday, April 7by Deanna Horton // features editor
Bona fide delight: Bon chefs aim for quality and ser vice
The staff tries to put personal touches on the food they
prepare. Sous Chef Fairman, who is the vegetarian chef,
works from past experiences to provide the best vegetarian
options possible to students. “Jesse puts more care into the
vegetarian food because that’s what he cooks for himself at
home,” Dionne said.
The chefs buy a large amount of food for the Bon from
farmers that they bought food from when they were working
at their own restaurants. Farmers maintain friendly relation -
ships with the chefs and sometimes bring them gifts.
“When we’re trying to increase sustainability and local
food, these relationships are important,” said Ngyuen.The Bon kitchen management team from left to right: Culinary Director and Executive Chef Aaron
Dionne, Sous Chef Jesse Fairman, Chef Jenny Nguyen and Sous Chef Bulmaro Perete.photos by logaN fields
Chef Jenny Nguyen indulges in the flavorful aromas of a steamy, fresh-cooked meal. The kitchen management team at the Bon has imple -
mented several changes this year, such as a new “expo” sta -
tion and an improved service strategy.
The head chefs have worked to deal with the increasing
student population and students’ need for balanced meals.
A year and a half ago, Culinary Director and Executive
Chef Aaron Dionne made drastic changes to the old Bon.
“We intentionally closed our eyes to what happened in the
past,” said Dionne. “We started from the ground up.”
They began the process by speaking with several different
student groups, such as athletes, vegetarians, vegans, the Sus -
tainability Council and Student Government, to get an idea
of what was most important to students.
Since then, Chef Jenny Nguyen, Sous Chef Jesse Fairman
and Sous Chef Bulmaro Perete have worked with Dionne to
improve the Bon and maintain high standards in their cook -
ing.
All four chefs have worked in fine dining restaurants be -
fore coming to Lewis & Clark.
Dionne, who has been cooking for 22 years, said, “We al -
ways look at the balance and seasonality of our food.”
The cafeteria itself was originally designed to feed 50%
fewer students than are now served. The management team’s
emphasis on balanced meals at each station allows for shorter
lines.
“It’s difficult to deal with crowds,” said Dionne. “The only
way to fix it is to add stations.” There is limited space in the
Fields Dining Room, so adding new stations proves to be dif -
ficult as well.
This year, however, the “expo” station was added, which
has significantly reduced some lines.
“The lines aren’t that long,” said James Hollins (’12). “I’m
willing to wait a little longer for good food.”
“Splitting the popular items into two lines would make
them faster,” said Paige Earhart (’11). “It’s hard to get a meal
quickly that’s as appetizing.”
Efforts to solve this problem have been seen recently in
the pizza line. There are now two separate lines for vegetar -
ian/vegan and meat pizza on Friday nights.
“The most limiting factor [of the Bon] is the all-you-can-
eat system,” said Dionne. “It limits the hours we’re available
and is unfair.” He said that students with smaller appetites
are essentially subsidizing those with larger ones.
The buffet style arrangement has also led to problems
with stealing food. The management has a fixed budget each
semester to spend on food and supplies. When students steal
food, it makes it more difficult for the budget to last for the
entire semester.
Food waste is also an issue. Before a recent campaign to
raise awareness of food waste, approximately 1,400 pounds
of food were wasted per day. Now, the waste per day is just
less than 1,000 pounds.
Despite the setback of a buffet system, Dionne said, “Our
strongest quality is our commitment to good, solid food.”
Chef Nguyen said that promoting creativity is another
important aspect of their work evidenced by that fact that
the Bon chefs don’t work from recipes.
Sous Chef Perete, a former sausage maker in Toluca, Mex -
ico, is dedicated to providing authentic food to students.
“Even though all of the ingredients from Mexico aren’t here,
I try to get the spirit of the dish,” he said.
He admitted to calling his mom in Mexico to get sugges -
tions about what he can add to certain recipes to make them
more authentic.
9 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009 Features
“I have the upper arm strength
of a bunny.”
“He wants to put his carrot...
into her pot pie.”
“.../T_h at’s why you don’t see
fat people windmilling!”
“I wanna graduate so bad,
I feel it throbbing in my vag!”
“I was a poop sandwich.”
“/T_h at cat’s so creepy and good.”
“/T_h anks for admiring my cheese. ”
“So there are kangaroos involved?
Damn!”
“Well, why don’t you just handcuff
me to a dog!?”
Send your
eavesdroppings to
piolog@lclark.edu!
Eavesdropping
ILLUSTRATION BY PAYDEN EVANSCircle of Friends: Nikola Hamilton (’11) gives back
by Mariah Shields // features editor
Nikola Hamilton (’11) said, “I like love,” and
thought the photo above gave a good graphic depiction of her fun-loving character that drew her to the Circle of Friends program.PHOTO COURTESY OF PAIGE EARHART
/T_h is Saturday sees Lewis & Clark’s fi rst ever “Divas and
Hustlers” dance, where all students are invited to unleash
their own divas and hustlers within.
/T_h e event is put on by the Black Student Union to cel-
ebrate pop culture’s current craze with divas and hustlers, popularized largely by hip-hop songs like Beyoncé’s “Diva”
and Cassidy’s “I’m a Hustla.”
“We thought it would be fun
to put on a dance where everyone
can dress up and play characters
with such fascinating personas,” said Luana Mayfi eld (’10), one of the organizers from BSU.
According to UrbanDictionary.com, hustlers are “people
who are forced to use their brains to make it in this world.
/T_h ey outsmart the smart, are cunning and have street smarts.
/T_h ey know how to get money.”
But what comes to mind when you hear the word “diva”?
A strong and independent woman who knows exactly what
she wants and works hard to get it? (See: Hillary Clinton.)
Perhaps a singer who packs a big voice and an even bigger at-
titude? (See: Diana Ross.)
Or how about that friend of a friend who’s self-absorbed,
high-maintenance, spoiled, overly-opinionated and gives you
the occasional death glare? (See: /T_h at bitch.)
Society has assigned some many negative connotations to
the concept of the diva. Calling someone a diva is not con-
sidered a compliment.
/T_h e meaning of ‘“diva” has changed
over time. It was originally an Italian
word used to describe a woman of out-
standing talent in the world of music, but now
“diva” has come to be defi ned by celebrities
and outrageous behaviors.
When asked with what she associates the
word “diva” Kenna Miller (’10) swiftly said,
“Beyoncé, her performance at the Oscars is
still fresh on my mind.”
It’s true; talent is one diva-esque element
that has endured despite the constant rede-
fi ning. Aside from the Oscars, Beyoncé
recently fell down a long plight of stairs
while performing at her concert. But like
a true diva, she got up and killed the rest
of the performance. Fortunately, there will be
no stairs at this Saturday’s dance.
“I’m really excited to go because I want to see all the cool
outfi ts everyone else will be wearing,” said Yollie Keeton
(’10).
Some students, however, are not as convinced. “If I did
go, I would do the hustle...but I am not sure I would be a
hustler,” said Arianna Garella (’12).
/T_h e event takes place in Stamm at 9:00 p.m. and ends
at midnight. Portland’s Jammin’ 107.5 will DJ. Go to: http://www.radioparties.djintelligence.com/request/request.
asp?ID=lewisandclark to request your favorite divalicious and
hustlertastic joints!Black Student Union presents:
the spring Hustlers and Divas dance
by Lee Yang // staff writer
“If I did go, I would do the hustle, but I
am not sure I would be a hustler.”
- Arianna Garella (’12)
ILLUSTRATION BY KATELYN MUNDALCircle of Friends is an organization at Lewis & Clark that
gives students a chance to give back to their community,
more specifi cally, to people in their community that appre-
ciate this attention more than most. Nikola Hamilton (’11)
joined the group her freshman year, and since then she has been awarded with the opportunity to mentor a few high school students.
Like Hamilton, other LC students from Circle of Friends
are paired with special needs students from local high schools. “/T_h ese students involved in this program have a range of disabilities, from Autism to simple learning disorders,” said Hamilton. /T_h e students choose to participate in Circle of Friends so that they have an equal opportunity to meet new people and make new friends just like other kids their age.
/T_h e program usually pairs LC students with at least one
other person, but this is largely due to personal choice or the needs of the “buddy” with whom they are paired. /T_h e buddy that students are paired with can either be random or person-ally chosen if they know someone in the area. LC students are required to call their buddy once a week to talk and form a relationship. Buddies also get together, in person, once a week to do an activity together.
Outside of the personally planned events that students
make with their buddies, there are a number of coordinated events planned by the Circle of Friends staff each semester. “/T_h is year we got together at Lewis & Clark and built ginger bread houses together,” said Hamilton. “It was an interesting
experience because so many of the students that were there
had food allergies so we didn’t use the typical ingredients for
ginger bread houses, but instead replaced them with less tasty ingredients.”
“We also had a Halloween party,” said Hamilton. “I
dressed up as a peacock but my buddy Andy didn’t dress up
but was spirited all the same.” According to Hamilton, some
students got really enthusiastic—“I saw some kids dressed as ninjas or pirates, they were obviously excited about the theme,” she said.
Circle of Friends has an event this weekend, which will
include decorating pots so that they can plant seeds and learn how to grow plants.
Hamilton’s buddy, Andy, has both Down’s syndrome, Au-
tism and is completely nonverbal. “We will walk through the park by the waterfront with him and his parents and he can’t say a word,” Hamilton said. Hamilton spent a lot of time during those walks getting to know the parents of this special needs child while they pushed their son in his chair. “His parents told us that just having us be there made him hap-py—they could tell he was happy because of the hand mo-tions, like clapping, that he would do when we were around,” she said.
/T_h rough this experience, Hamilton has come to know
the hardships that parents with disabled children experience. “Andy’s parents said they had videos of him when he was little, when he could communicate much better,” she said. “But as they years went on, he lost that ability. His mom said those videos make her too sad to watch anymore.”
Hamilton joined the Circle of Friends program because
she really likes “working with kids.” “/T_h is just gave me one
more opportunity to do that,” she said. “I just want to make
a diff erence. I never got to do anything like this in my high school, there were no special needs kids [there], so this was a very new opportunity for me.”Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 10 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
GET
OFF
YeR
ASS!
ILLUSTRATION BY DEANNA HORTONAuthoress Katherine Dunn one hell of a storyteller
by Kathryn Miller // copy editor
Portland author Katherine Dunn’s reading from her novel
Geek Love attracted hordes to the Manor House last /T_h urs-
day, Feb. 19. While the masses scrambled for luscious lem-on bars and decent seating, Dunn touted the power of lan-guage: “I’ve been a believer in the magic of language since, as a child, I discovered that some words can get me in trouble, and some can get me out.”
From the excerpts she read—from Geek Love and her
collection of essays, School of Hard Knocks: /T_h e Struggle for Survival in America’s Toughest Boxing Gyms—it is clear that words can also get her into the hot seat.
Dunn, who has a rich voice like crystallized molasses, a
light blonde bouff ant hairdo and a habit of pushing up her spectacles whenever she changes the subject, is the recipient of numerous awards, including the Dorothea Lange-Paul Taylor Award in 2004. In 1989, Geek Love was a fi nalist for
the National Book Award.
One important thing to understand about Dunn is her
strong sense of joke commitment. “I have a lifetime habit of getting involved in my own lame jokes,” she said. Everybody laughed at this statement, proving that her jokes are actually hilarious. Attila the Hun, of all people, inspired her longest-lived joke.
Her plan was to write 12 novels, titling them according to
the letters in Attila: the fi rst one would begin with “A,” the next with “T,” and so on until she had all 12.
Dunn imagined some withered librarian bagging up
books in a dusty library basement, suddenly happening upon the books and crashing to the fl oor when the poignancy of the coincidence hit. /T_h e publishing of Dunn’s fi rst two nov-els, Attic (1970) and Truck (1971), marked a promising be-
ginning to her joke, but publishing challenges rendered the joke impos-
sible.
Dunn’s recent work focuses on
the hit ’n punch, high-octane boxing
ring. She has written for numerous boxing publications, and this sort of
departure from novels is exactly what
inspires good writing. She recalled
when, as a student, she was told to “write what you know.” /T_h at advice, according to Dunn, is bollocks.
“Write what you don’t know,” she
said, “because that is how you learn. You collect new information and process it.”
/T_h ere are, of course, numerous
challenges involved in writing about
something foreign. When asked
about sexism in the world of boxing, she said, “Men, women, magenta-rumped monkeys—everyone is wel-
come as long as you know boxing.”
For the past 20 years, Dunn has
been highly involved in the Portland
boxing scene, attending matches and meeting the sportsters whenever she
can. “Boxing is not a game,” she said. “You don’t play box-
ing, it’s more of a lifestyle, and you must dive into it know-
ing this.”
But as comfortable as she is around the ring,
Dunn’s ultimate spot to read and write is still the lo-
cal library. “My favorite library was in a small town
in the middle of the country. /T_h ere was a tree in the
Above: Portland native Katherine Dunn read at the Manor House last Thursday.
Left: Katie Krussel (’11) and Nicole Orr (’11) check out the exhibit of Dunn’s work in Watzek.PHOTO BY NATALIE BAKERPHOTO FROM GETTY IMAGES
/T_h e Blue Room, this spring’s main-stage play, is opening
in less than a week. Directed by Michael Olich, this witty
and sensual show follows a number of intertwining sexual relationships and features an intimate cast of just 10 LC stu-dents who will perform the show seven times in the next two weeks.
Performances begin /T_h ursday, March 5 with a preview
performance where tickets will be off ered at a discounted price of $3 each. For this performance, tickets will only be available on March 5 and seating is unreserved.
Additionally, the Saturday, March 7 performance is al-
ready sold out. /T_h e 2009 Gender Symposium purchased all of the tickets and will be handing them out for free begin-ning at 7:00 p.m. on March 7. /T_h is performance will also feature a post-show discussion with the director and cast. /T_h e Blue Room debuts March 5 for discounted preview
back, and I can’t remember what kind of fruit grew on it, but
it was surrounded by the most
beautiful lawn,” she said.
“/T_h e only lawn in the city,
bright and green. When I was little, I’d go up there to read. /T_h at is my happy place.”
Dunn’s love for the lo-
cal library trumps even her love of joking, but when she’s dressed in black, standing at a podium in front of at least 50 young people, these loves combine and she becomes one hell of a storyteller.
/T_h ere is nothing more relax-
ing than cozying up on the fl oor in the Frank Manor House lis-tening to a warm voice boom-ing tales of boxing, but if that’s not enough, a hearty visual
supplement to Dunn’s written
work is now on view at Watzek
library.
/T_h e exhibition, aptly en-
titled “After twenty years of
not revealing myself to you”...
Exploring Dunn in Print, celebrates Dunn’s collaborative work
with her publisher in packaging each novel. Her novels are in-tensely vivid and lend themselves well to creative visual interpre-tation in American editions and abroad.
/T_h e exhibition runs through May 29.
PHOTO FROM VINTAGE PUBLISHING
debuts March 5 for discounted preview
With a new collection of boxing essays on the horizon, the Geek Love writer opens up about favorite libraries and lifelong jokes.
/T_h ose interested in getting on the list for
tickets to this performance, please email gendsymp@lclark.edu with your name and the number of tickets you request.
Performance dates: March 5-7, 12-14 at 7:30
p.m., March 14 at 2:30 p.m. Tickets are available at the box offi ce, beginning Monday, March 2. Reserva-tions can be made by calling (503) 768-7495.
$5 LC students; $10 general admission; $7 LC alum/fac-
ulty/staff , seniors, non-LC students.Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 11 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
The Fir Acres Theatre Black Box presented
Once Upon a Weekend on Saturday, Feb. 14
and showed that even “Second Best” shows
can make an audience roar.
People were already lined up across the
lobby 30 minutes before doors opened, ex -
cited about one of the campuses most at -
tended productions.
When the doors did open, people flood -
ed into the small set area to see a new group
of Lewis & Clark students’ creations come
alive.
Once Upon a Weekend is hosted once a se -
mester. The Pause Board decides on a the -
atrical theme—this semester it was “Second
Best.” Students are given seven days to write
a related play. The board chooses five of the
plays submitted and pairs each script with
two student directors. Those directors are
given a 24-hour period to hold auditions and
choose their student actors. The cast then has
one day and a two-hour rehearsal to memo -
rize their lines and the performance is held
that night.
“Escape from Sunnybrie” was written by
Emily Gregory (’09) and directed by Ryan
Mooney (’12) and Rikki Wynn (’12). This
show featured one elderly escapee, Matilda,
played by Emilie Sanchez (’11), trying to
drink away her feelings of inadequacy and
heartbreak. Hank [Terry Fletcher (’12)]
doesn’t know about Matilda’s feeling for him
and fancies another, Daisy, played by Caitlin
Fisher-Draeger (’12).
Through sarcasm and snide remarks, Mat -
ilda attempts to hide her true feelings, know -
ing that she is only second best in the eyes
of Hank. After being terrorized by the bitter
old woman, Forest the bartender [played by
Ro Haan (’11)] reveals that the only way to
get what you want is to show your true feel -
ings. However, when all else fails, it seems that smoking hookah is the second best al -
ternative.
Sander Gusinow (’10) wrote “Meanwhile
at the Lair of Intellect,” a piece that groups
together a bunch of second-rate villains who,
as always, are trying to overcome the super -
hero Captain Conscience, played by Caitlin
Harper (’10).
Director Jeremy Lota (’10) had a cast of
courageous villains, including a man named
Master Mind who is not afraid to wear his
underwear on the outside of his pants [Mor -
gan Shaw-Fox (’09)], a sexy foreigner who
is also good with a hatchet, a.k.a. Evil Ma -
rie [Ashley Becker (’12)], a women called
Arachnophobia, who got picked on way too
much during her extensive schooling [Laura
Fraley (’11)], a loud, thumping, mindless Gusto, heart, talent enliven Once Upon a Weekend
terror appropriately named Brutus [Dylan
Peden (’10)], a classic Nazi Vampire who re -
ally needs no other description [Katy Sim -
mons (’12)] and a witch named Renegade
with too much time on her hands [Riya Li -
maye (’11)].
After extensive discussion about how to
bring down the power of good, the audi -
ence is shown that the real theme of second
best comes through an unlikely relationship
between Master Mind and Captain Con -
science, revealing that even superheroes have
love issues.
In “Second Grade,” directed by Dith
Pamp (’11), second grader Adam [Josh Fran -
cis (’12)] always comes up as second best in
class due to his unwillingness to speak. The
strung out Mrs. Mooney [Kat Morrison (’11)] has too much trouble with her excited
and imaginative class to focus on the needs
of this one student.
Classmates included pretend Brits Matty
and Maura [Jonah Geil-Neufeld (’11) and
Jahnavi Cladwell-Green (’12)], overly en -
thusiastic Timmy [Jared Schy (’12)], trouble
maker Terrence [John Wash (’11)], cute and
talkative Whitney [Grace Wedgwood (’10)]
and the suck up William [Walt Javins (’10)].
“The Number 2” brought the under -
standing of digestion to a whole new level.
Written by Mark Layer (’10) and directed by
Azalea Ebbay (’09) and Brad Jonas (’09), this
production showed an unusual bond that
nobody ever really chooses to think about
between kidneys and poop. Poop, played
by Corbin Lester (’12), is melancholy about
the fact that pee is always put before him in
rank. But what the kidneys, Virginia Grego -
ry (’10) and Anna Moore (’10) show him is
that second best is only in the title and he has
a fruitful, fulfilling job.
The final play of the evening was a mod -
ern rendition of a classic, called “Romeo and
Juliet: Take One.” After turning the time -
less Juliet into a woman of the world, An -
nie Fassler (’11) made Romeo [Sean Inouye
(’12)] feel second best to his newly character -
ized cousin Steve [Jesse Rope (’09)].
In this new interpretation of the play,
William Shakespeare (Fletcher) rises from
the dead. In the end, Shakespeare and the
nurse [Heather Morowitz (’09)] run off to
rewrite the second rate show and bring back
the classic tale of Romeo and Juliet.
The night ended with an eruption of ap -
plause and a dance party open to all. Direc -
tors, actors, and audience members, includ -
ing members of the a capella groups the
Merry Weathers and Section Line Drive,
who performed in the interludes of the per -
formances, joined in the celebratory dance. by Mariah Shields // features editor
Andrew Bird alighted the stage of the
Roseland last Saturday in support of his fifth
solo album, Noble Beast . The sold out concert
showcased his aptitude for unending energy
and surreality—this man surely exists on a
separate plane from most humans.
The brilliance of Andrew Bird is not in
his wild violin minstrelsy, nor in his impos -
sibly clear and melodic whistling, or even in
his inviting Sweet’n Low voice. This Chicago
native plays a patchwork brand of lilting, flut -
tering folk, but his method embodies that of

Andrew Bird kept fans on the wiby flying through a variety of instru -
ments and tempos last Saturday at the sold out Roseland show. Brush up on your ornthology:
Andrew Bird rocks the Roseland
Motion begets emotion: Section Line Drive was one of two a capella
groups who performed during last weekend’s “Once Upon a Weekend.”photo by cathy grella
photoS by liam o’coNNorjazz. His songs have a habit of starting bare—a
few plucks of the violin, a drawled lyric—and
blooming into something epic, only to conflate
in on themselves by the hurtling end. Bird often
reinvents and reimagines previous songs, adding
layers and lyrics, such as his reworking of Weath -
er Systems’ (2003) “I” into “Imitosis” ( Armchair
Apocrypha , 2007).
This improvisational habit in the studio trans -
lates perfectly to the stage. Helped by the accom -
paniment of collaborator and drummer Martin
Dosh, songs the audience thought they knew
were whipped like cream, pulled like taffy and
lapped up like spilled milk. by Caitlin McCarthy // arts editorFriday, September 12, 2008 A&E 12 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
Brooklyn natives get ready to drive PDX crazy
by Kathryn Miller // copy editor
From left: Jeremy Haines and Sammy Rubin want to rock your socks off.PHOTO COURESY OF SASHA NIALLAProject Jenny, Project Jan tell the Pioneer Log about U.S. tour, new EP and prime advice straight from their mamas.
“What leave behind:Brooklyn boasts hella of hot bands, but
this duo, comprised of 28-year-olds Jeremy
Haines and Sammy Rubins, has been singled
out to tour cross-country with Fujiya & Mi-
yagi this spring. /T_h eir music is vaguely remi-niscent of Beck for its genre-dipping, full-on embrace of everything outré. It has been compared to Junior Senior for its edgy ener-gy and to crack-cocaine for its destructively addictive qualities.
Songs like “T rain T rack” and “Negative”
give a listener the full body eff ect: fi rst, you’ll start shaking your shoulders to the beats, then probably face an irrepressible urge to shake everything you got. /T_h ese tunes will surge through your mind for at least three hours before the sheer absence of Haines’ melodic squeals forces you to crawl back for more.
/T_h e chief reason behind Project Jenny,
Project Jan’s appeal is their ability to straddle the genres. spawn luscious hits, and deliver a dy-namic performance every time.
/T_h e Pioneer Log: Hey
dudes. Where are you calling from?Project Jenny, Project Jan: Baton Rouge. It’s like summer here, sunny as hell.PL: I read a couple other interviews you men did, and everybody asked where Project Jenny, Project Jan got its name. But then looking through all your art on MyS-pace was kind of thrilling, and I discovered Jenny and Jan, the superhero creatures. PJPJ: Right! Jenny and Jan. /T_h ey don’t have actual superhero or super villain qualities. We just invented them as answer to the Band Name Question. /T_h ey are the solution. /T_h ey are the answer. /T_h ey are our mascots. But we still get some complaints about the name. Jeremy’s mom wanted to rename us. She gave us suggestions. What would you change our name to? I’ll tell you what she suggested after you tell us. PL: Damn, I don’t know, I already like it because you rock that comma right in the
middle. It gives the name a nice lilt, a nice
balance.PJPJ: Oh yeah? You like that? Should we add more punctuation? Like maybe start it off with an upside-down exclamation point and fi nish it off with another? PL: Add a couple full-on colons. ¡Project: Jenny, Project: Jan! But what did Jeremy’s mama say?
Rubin: She has a long thought about it. She
considered it all day, and then she formulat-ed this suggestion: /T_h e Dukes. (laughs) We laughed then, too. She was off ended, I think. But most often, Jeremy’s mother is very in-sightful. She’s given us a lot of tips. She saw us a couple years ago, when we debuted “Brooklyn.” I don’t know if you’ve heard that, but it’s kind of an old-timey jazzy thing.
Anyway, we’d been putting it in the middle of the set, and our shows were okay, but then she suggested we stick it at the end, as the last song. Man, she was so right. After that we played it as the last song for like a year, until our manager told us to please stop. PL: What do you think about this tour? Is it a balls-
out, killer stateside bash, or more of a long chiller session?PJPJ: It’s not as balls-out as our last tour, when we all got sick because the balls were too far out. No, man, this is our fourth time touring with our buddies Fujiya & Miyagi, so there’s a lot of hanging out. Last show was great, there was a wild dance-off backstage. Wild and crazy, that characterizes this tour. PL: Do you like Girl Talk?
PJPJ: /T_h at shit’s what I danced to all sum-mer long. PL: Who are the greatest genre-mashers? PJPJ: Mmm. Genre-mashers. Beck. Beyond
that I’d have to scroll my iT unes.
PL: What’s the nicest thing the press has ever
said about you?
PJPJ: One publication said we have the
worst name of all the bands in Brooklyn. But
then they followed that up with something
nicer. /T_h ey said we were awesome. Kind of
a double-edged sword—a backhanded com-
pliment.
PL: Listening to your stuff on your website,
it was impossible to tell whether I found it sexy or unsexy. You’ve got fi re, and that’s
sexy, but some of your songs are gross. Like
“Negatives.” /T_h at’s less sexy. What do you
think, where does your music sit on the sexy
fence?
Haines: I would say—not that sexy. Some of
it is just too ridiculous.
Rubin: I disagree with Jeremy on this one.
Some of our music is very sexy. Maybe that’s
what gives us some power, makes us sexy. It’s
that split! You can’t tell! PL: Nice dichotomy, good trick. What do ya’ll do post-show?
PJPJ: Oh, booze. Brews. Chill out. We just
hang back.
PL: So if a college kid invited you for a drink, would you be down?PJPJ: In Portland? We’ll probably go party, if we know people in town. And if we don’t have to drive a ton the next day. Today we
have to drive 10 hours.
PL: Where are you going?
PJPJ: Austin. Hey, are you from Texas origi-nally?PL: Oh no, way off .
PJPJ: Oh. Because you sound like maybe
you are. Saying “ya’ll” a lot.
PL: You must be in tune with that just be-cause you’re in the heavy south. PJPJ: Mmm. Yeah, must be.
PL: /T_h e travels, though. Are you on a bus,
with an entourage?
PJPJ: No, we’re in a Chevy. [laughs] Fujiya & Miyagi have a legitimate bus and a sound guy. /T_h e Chevy’s a rental, full of bugs now,
too. It’s not a cheap way to see the country.
PL: So it’s just you two? Do you fi ght?
PJPJ: No fi ghts. We listen to books on tape so we don’t even have to talk. We liked /T_h e
Road by Cormac McCarthy. It was a little depressing, but better than Cat’s Cradle. We
liked that too, but Vonnegut starts randomly spouting numbers at some points. It might be better to read that than listen. PL: Next week, Portland, eh? You excited?PJPJ: Yes. Way.
When I was fi rst approached
with this album, I was quite excit-
ed by the concept: a “Concerto for electric guitar and toy orchestra.”
By saying toy orchestra it is
exactly that, a toy orchestra. Toy-chestra is an all female music en-semble hailing from Oakland, California.
/T_h e composer Dan Plonsey
said, “writing for Toychestra and Frith together, I feel like I’m work-ing with a legion of superheroes.”
He continues, “I hope I have
allowed each to use their own powers to the fullest, to compli-ment one another.”
Upon listening to the album,
I was disappointed. /T_h e music is abstract and experimental, to the point where it becomes annoying, and hard to listen to.
/T_h e melodies written for the
toys, which I can only assume were well composed, feel random and at times lacking in rhythm. It leaves a hectic and slap-dash feel-ing to the music.
/T_h ere are times that the electric
guitar is just grating; it seems to be solely there for making noise.
/T_h e band has noise-rock ele-
ments, but lacks a rock sensibility, leaving only noise. I had trouble making sense of the composition; it is very hard to follow.
If you are not experienced in
music theory, you really would have no idea what is going on.
/T_h is album is defi nitely for a
certain crowd; I would not go so far as to say that the album is pre-tentious, but it is aimed at a spe-cifi c group of music-lovers.
So if you like strange, experi-
mental and noisy music, that has some sense of composition, then check this album out.by Robert McCormack // illustrations editor Composed by Dan Plonseyconcerto for electric guitar
and toy orchestra”
Stan Fellows
stanfellows.blogspot.com/T_h is man can draw. Stan Fellows
is a middle-aged, artistic god from the upper Midwest. His ink line boasts spot-on accuracy and a curi-ous, curvy vitality. When he works in watercolor, a viewer can almost feel the gentle caress of his brush on the parchment. His oil paint-ings rock a distinctive recklessness that lends critical personality to his landscape work.
Everything he paints is juicy
and visceral, which is an exciting prospect considering the straight-up mundane subjects he chooses to capture: fi shing lures, red-breasted orioles, his wife, the valley behind his Iowa home. All of these things are a critical part of his daily life, so he takes a pen to them, slaps a little bit of color on there, and immor-talizes them on the internet. Fel-lows updates this site fairly regular-ly and usually off ers some valuable pointers regarding technique.
-Kathryn MillerFFFFOUND!ff ff ound.comFff found.com is a collection of
strange, obscure, interesting and funny images of just about any-thing that are user uploaded.
/T_h e blog is bare bones, with
only the essentials. /T_h e picture fi les are posted above the picture itself, next to the image there are three images deemed simi-lar by the bloggers, letting you easily browse all the well-liked images.
/T_h e images are easy
to “favorite,” while the similar feature is somewhat random, it can be an interesting way to break up the monotony of scrolling down a page for hours.
/T_h is blog makes it hard
to feel bored. /T_h e simplicity is ad-dictive and the images are awesome and often times interesting, basi-cally, major time suck.
-Tony DelgadoApartment /T_h erapyapartmenttherapy.comIf you really enjoy a room well
put together, apartmenttherapy.com will be your new favorite haunt. /T_h e posts are about prod-ucts, interesting styles, interest-ing rooms and how to “jazz rooms up.”
While this might sound like a
blog aimed directly at interior
designers and liberal upper
middle class white folks, it’s a very appealing website.
It shows sparkling clean
rooms fi lled with ex-pensive and beauti-
ful items, sleek mod-
ern furniture, eggshell white
lamps, interesting posters
and cutting edge elec-tronics. /T_h ere is some-thing fulfi lling about
yearning for a purely white room when it is so far from the Old Eng-lish-soaked reality of an undergrad-uate student.
-Tony Delgado
ILLUSTRATION BY
ROBERT MCCORMACKFeeling artsy? Even if you aren’t, you really need
to check out these eclectic, eccentric blogsIMAGE COURTESY OF PROJECT JENNY, PROJECT JAN
Sports 13 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
by Haley Brill // sports editor
/T_h e beautiful perfectionism of the Tiger
by Micheal G. Richman // staff writerStar senior tennis player with sexy skinny legs and deadly racket gets personal, a little too personal prehaps
/T_h rough the four rung rotating glass
door, over the mat linted with neon green
fuzz and into the “bubble.” Welcome to the domain of Luke Wheeler (’09). Outstanding senior tennis player for the Lewis & Clark Pios, Wheeler has been a crucial member of the team since his fi rst year.
After an afternoon spent with Wheeler
hitting some balls around with his coach and baking cookies, the senior exposes himself as more than a Pio athlete and Lew-is & Clark Asian studies major.
Tennis can be a
very “mentally de-grading sport and its hard without Xanax,” Wheeler jokes. /T_h e empha-sis on individual play is a very stress-ful element of the game, where a single serve or ball outside the line can make or break a match. Wheeler plays singles and doubles, usually partnering with Mattias Kullowatz (’09).
Wheeler has
been known to break a racket of two in his day, but today he tries to re-ground himself in the basic game of tennis, apart from the politics and competition. He regularly teaches tennis to a “bunch of kids around the neighborhood,” making him both a role model and active member of the local Port-land community.
“Chums in Colorado, beers in Portland,”
is what Wheeler claims to be all about off the courts. Born in Hong Kong and raised
After a 10-month layoff Tiger Woods returned to the golf
course this week. /T_h is marks the return of the greatest com-
petitor back to the sports world. You can gripe all you want about him being a golfer and you can debate whether or not golf is even a sport. But you can’t knock his swagger or his “I’m going to beat you and you know it” aura. /T_h e guy is the best golfer ever and he looks to prove it every time out on the course.
Few athletes can match the intensity and confi dence that
go along with that Tiger demeanor. Michael Jordan had the same air to him. Kobe Bryant has a bit of it too, but few others, if anyone else, can compare. It’s that special and per-fect combination of determination, competitiveness and un-matched skill.
When Tiger turns it on, there is no stopping him. He in-
timidates his opponents like no one else in sports. On Sun-day, if it’s you and Tiger head-to-head to win the tourna-ment, you might as well give it to him. He is going to win and he knows it. You probably know it, too. He is just that good, that arrogant and that special.
After returning from knee surgery, many golfers would
just be happy to be back out on the links competing. Not Tiger. He emphatically stated earlier this week that he is go-ing out and playing with one goal in mind: winning. /T_h at’s Tiger, the consummate perfectionist. And who is going to doubt him? Seriously. He just wins. Period. And he does it with that “I told you so swagger” that no one else can imi-tate.
At this point even a Tiger Woods recovering from a seri-
ous knee injury has to be the favorite in any tournament he’s in. He sat out almost a year and still maintained his number in Durango, CO from seven years old, he
started swinging the racket at the adorable age of fi ve. He continued to pursue the sport passionately throughout high school and even had the opportunity to export it across seas when he lived in Taiwan a few years ago. “/T_h ey don’t play very good tennis in Taiwan,” he said, and can claim through his own per-sonal experience that he is a better player that the majority of the Asian population.
And then there is the “bubble,” or in
Wheeler’s words “the pressurized orb of doom,” or even its formal name, “the very expen-sive and futuristic infl atable tennis dome.” His pre-ferred arenas of play are outside clay ten-nis courts, but in-side the “bubble,” nothing organic is to be found.
Yet this struc-
ture off ers the unique opportuni-ty for weather worn Portlanders to play tennis in the rain. However, Wheeler fi nds the environ-ment too uncom-fortable, from the newly opened can of balls smell that weighs down the air to the artifi cial glow
of the lights that refl ect off all the curvilinear walls.
Sitting with Wheeler on the stands over
looking the practicing girls tennis team, he confesses that he never gets to see his female counterparts play. “I mean I know who’s cute on the team,” but as to their skills and per-sonality, he has no idea. And this does not stand well for Wheeler, whose friendly de-meanor and comfortable stance lead him to
one player in the world ranking. Woods’ injury
cost him around 10 tournament appear-ances, and still with all that time off , no other golfer won enough to strip his ranking from him.
/T_h is week’s event particularly favors
Woods’ style of play and his ability to intimidate the competition. He won this same event last year before injur-ing his knee. In the WGC Accenture Match Play Championships, players go head-to-head for 18 holes. To win, Woods must win six one-on-one match-ups. Woods has won three out of the nine Match Play Championships he’s competed in and fi nished out of the top 10 just twice.
And on top of all his dominance in the event,
it is far from his major concern. Woods admittedly fo-cuses on the four Major tournaments above all others in the golf world. His sights are set on the Masters, /T_h e US Open, /T_h e British Open and PGA Championships. All the other wins are just icing on his already gaudy golf cake. Woods needs just four wins in ma-jor tournaments to pass Jack Nicklaus as the “winningest” golfer of all time.
At some point in his career, the question was if Tiger
could do it, now it’s simply when will he do it? His next shot
at winning a major championship is the Masters during the
How charming? Don’t be fooled ladies.be a very personal guy both on and off of the
court.
/T_h e men’s and women’s teams always play
at the same time but at alternating locations, according to Wheeler. His female equals of
who he holds in high regard are still very much a mystery to him. Coach Gundars “Til” Tilmanis clarifi es that in actuality, it is Wheeler who is unfamiliar with women, all women. However, Wheeler refuses to com-ment further on this topic.
On a more personal side, Wheeler favor-
ites include “Wayne’s World,” white Rus-sians and Hot Pot City. “Japanese food and awkward,” describes his last date, however his kissing is self-characterized as “subtle yet inspiring.” He is happiest when intoxicated and naked, except for the one time he ven-tured down main street in his “happy place” and wound up in the detox tank.
On campus he can usually he spotted at
the sauna early in the mornings, in the T rail “Gumby” demonstrates his elegant yet powerful dance with the racket. PHOTOS BY HALEY BRILLFeatured Athlete: Luke Wheeler (’09)
Back from an injury-induced layoff, Tiger Woods reminds us how he puts the professional into golf—by being so darn great.
...he does it with that “I
told you so” swagger that no one else can imitate.Room for a pizza/burrito lunch, and inside
the library all other times working on his thesis, something about the Asian economy and cats. He is also recognizable for his lanky posture, just woke-up hair and skinny skinny legs. Yes, he wants to clarify that he is “that guy with skinny legs.” He also promotes the usage of his favorite nickname “Gumby” as his preferred title of endearment.
Wheeler can’t resist lamenting in a sad
puppy monotone that no one ever comes to watch his meets. Unlike other schools whose token parents and the odd grandparent and girlfriend usually fi ll the stands, Wheeler has long desired to see a familiar face, any face, on his side of the court. “No one ever comes to watch us,” Wheeler said, “not even my best friends.”
/T_h e men’s team will be playing tomor-
row
at 11:00 a.m. at George Fox. Wheeler
and the Pios’ next home meet will be Friday, March 6
against Pacifi c at 4:00 p.m.
second week of April.
/T_h e best thing about Tiger is that he makes golf worth
talking about. In fact, without
Tiger it was almost as if pro-
fessional golf didn’t exist
anymore. Now he’s back
looking to return to
his position as the pre-
miere golfer in the uni-
verse. And doing it with
the unmatched confi dence
that is such a major part of
his arsenal.
Woods could be the sport
world’s ultimate com-
petitor. He’s just one
cool cat.
ILLUSTRATION BY KATHRYN MILLERSports 14 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
Where have all the LC Pioneer fans gone?
LC student athletic support is subpar when compared to rival Division III colleges, but who is to blame? The administration or students?
by Mariah Shields // features editorby Nichole Carnell // sports editor
It is no revelation to the Lewis & Clark community that
athletic event participation isn’t the number one thing on
campus. But who is to blame? w
Are students at LC too invested in their studies? Are there
too many other confl icting, more exciting events going on
at athletic competition times? Is it because the majority of
students defi ne themselves as in opposition to athletics? Is it
because athletic events don’t get enough publicity?
Or could it be that everyone is basing their opinion of the
competitiveness of the all LC athletics on the sad 1-8 record of the football team?
/T_h e answer is all of the above, according to Dean of Stu-
dents Celestino Limas. /T_h e good news is, however, that all
of these problems have solutions. According to Limas, we
need to “debunk the myth” that LC athletics are unsuc-
cessful.
When looking at the big picture, LC athletics are ac-
tually very successful, even in comparison to other pro-
grams, including Division I universities. However, our
athletes are student-athletes and should be recognized
as such.
Take for example the LC women’s swimming pro-
gram. As reported last week, these women did amazing
things and should be rewarded with a parade. Unfortu-
nately, this kind of support does not exist at LC. Other
notable examples include the men’s basketball team and the tennis program. /T_h ese are merely examples of the
kinds of excellence our student-athletes exude on the fi eld.
So if it’s not the level of success that is keeping people
from going to athletic events, could it be that there is just too
much going on that student athletics is not a priority? /T_h is is a problem that about which Limas believes the administra-tion should be concerned.
Limas also believes that the administration should make
certain that athletics have the opportunity to partner with such groups as ASLC and Student Life in order to coordi-
nate calendars. “Overwhelmed” is the word Limas used to
describe the reason why students don’t choose athletics over
other productions or student opportunities on campus. A
solution to this would be found in better coordination and
communication between programs.
But let’s be honest, it’s not something that is going to
change just because the administra-
tion believes it should. Change
must also come from an
“organic, grassroots student initiative,” Limas said.
Luckily, this is already beginning. /T_h e addition of the
Dance Team to the athletic department was one that came
straight from student initiative lead by a group of girls that just wanted to dance.
Let’s just acknowledge the elephant in the room. /T_h ere
is a defi nite, tangible “clique” problem between athletes and
everyone else. Take for example the Bon dining experience.
/T_h e running back is not eating next to the art major, unless the art major is the pitcher for the softball team. /T_h e feeling is mutual for both parties. /T_h e art major feels that she can’t sit next to the point guard, and vice versa. /T_h e ironic thing is that they probably sat next to each other in Intro to Physics and maybe even had a conversation.
Athletic support needs to come from a feeling that sup-
porting athletics is a community event. Everyone should feel
welcome to come, maybe not because their best friend is the
star player but because that’s where everyone else is and they
want to hang out with their friends. Students need to realize that the same people who they do their group projects with
are competing Friday night, and it could be a cool place to
just hang out.
Obviously this change isn’t going to happen over-
night (although it would be nice to think one article could change LC forever, it’s highly improbable, if not
impossible). Limas predicts change in athletic support
will take probably two class cycles, but it is worth it.
/T_h is is not to say that the entire look of LC is going
to change, the main goal is to transform athletics into
a community event and get students supporting their
peers, not only on the stage, in the art gallery, or in sci-
ence competitions, but also in the tennis dome, Pamplin and Griswold Stadium.
/T_h e answer is all of the above, according to Dean of Stu-
dents Celestino Limas. /T_h e good news is, however, that all
of these problems have solutions. According to Limas, we
need to “debunk the myth” that LC athletics are unsuc-
When looking at the big picture, LC athletics are ac-
tually very successful, even in comparison to other pro-
grams, including Division I universities. However, our
athletes are student-athletes and should be recognized
Take for example the LC women’s swimming pro-
gram. As reported last week, these women did amazing
things and should be rewarded with a parade. Unfortu-
nately, this kind of support does not exist at LC. Other
notable examples include the men’s basketball team and
the tennis program. /T_h ese are merely examples of the
kinds of excellence our student-athletes exude on the fi eld.
So if it’s not the level of success that is keeping people
from going to athletic events, could it be that there is just too
tion believes it should. Change
must also come from an
“organic, grassroots
sit next to the point guard, and vice versa. /T_h e ironic thing is
that they probably sat next to each other in Intro to Physics
and maybe even had a conversation.
Athletic support needs to come from a feeling that sup-
porting athletics is a community event. Everyone should feel
welcome to come, maybe not because their best friend is the
star player but because that’s where everyone else is and they
want to hang out with their friends. Students need to realize
that the same people who they do their group projects with
are competing Friday night, and it could be a cool place to
just hang out.
to change, the main goal is to transform athletics into
a community event and get students supporting their
peers, not only on the stage, in the art gallery, or in sci-
ILLUSTRATION BY KATELYN MUNDAL
/T_h e Lewis & Clark baseball team was defeated in
the bottom of the ninth after leading most of the game
against Oregon Tech Sunday. Players, however, remain optimistic about the season, chalking this game up to a good preseason practice game.
Starting out one run down at the top of the fi rst
inning, Oregon Tech was not able to hold on to their lead for long. /T_h e Pioneers scored two runs at the bot-tom of the same inning allowing Parker Dane (’12) and Michael Ball (’12) to put their team ahead. Or-egon Tech was able to make it a tie game at the top of the third, but the Pios were determined to keep their lead and earned a one run lead at the bottom of the third inning.
LC led by two runs entering into the eighth inning,
but Oregon Tech was able to score leaving the board at 6-5. By the bottom of the inning, however, Sam Hol-man (’11) was able to bring the Pios relief by making a run and changing the score to 7-5.
Unfortunately, in the top of the ninth, Oregon
Tech was able to score three runs, putting them in the lead 7-8. /T_h e Pios were unable to recover this loss and with three out and no runs at the bottom of the ninth, the game came to an end.
“My team played really well, we executed our plays
well, and barely had any errors,” said T ucker Laurence (’11). “It just didn’t work out, which happens sometimes in baseball, it just got away from us.” Laurence’s team-mate, Alex St. Pierre (’11) agreed: “We are playing well, we just need to put our hitting, pitching and defense to-gether as a team.”
Even with the breakdown at the top of the ninth in-
ning, the Pios “stuck to our game plan,” said St. Pierre. /T_h is was a preseason game and the coaches wanted to give everyone some time to play, according to St. Pierre.
With a thin line of pitchers, the Pios took advantage
of the opportunity to let all of their “arms” take a turn. Jordon Wlodarczyk (’09) pitched for the fi rst inning, St. Pierre for the three following, Rob Homes (’11) threw for the fi fth, Adam Rager (‘11) the sixth, Roland Greene (’11) the seventh and David La Douceur (’11) closed in the last two. Hopefully with the practice, pitchers will start the season off with confi dence. Overall, the Pios played a strong game and seem ready to start the season right. /T_h is Saturday and Sunday will be the fi rst games on home turf against LC rivals Willamette. /T_h e two games on Satur-day and Sunday will be at 11 a.m. and 2 p.m.
Tennis drops to
Pacifi c Lutheran
It was bumpy weekend for the Lewis & Clark men’s ten-
nis team. Playing a double header against Pacifi c Lutheran
as game three and four of the Northwest Conference, the Pioneers kept an identical losing score of 7-2. /T_h at doesn’t mean all game play was surrendered to the Lutes. However, in doubles, Vincent Groot (’12) and Peter Ray (’10) earned a win over Justin Parretta and Zack Ayyat after the match was prolonged into a thrilling tiebreaker. Groot continued to drive the Pios’ points by winning the second match of the day against Micheal Manoer.
/T_h is is just the beginning of a long road for the men’s
tennis team this season. Until the Conferences in mid-April, the team will be driven towards success with the coaching of Gundars Tilmanis, head coach for both the men’s and wom-en’s team. Although the season started particularly rough with a 7-0 defeat to the Portland State Vikings on Sunday, Feb. 8, the team is now stimulated by optimistic aspirations for improvement.
/T_h is weekend’s matches against George Fox and Wil-
lamette will be an opportunity for the boys to pull off a resur-rection through hard play and determination. In fact, players who shall remain unnamed hint that this may be strategy, a ploy to lure their opponents into a state of false confi dence founded on the imaginary weakness of the team. LC insid-ers think otherwise. At the pinnacle moment, the Pios will swoop in with their unwavering drive to win coupled with months of tennis dome practicing and Tilmanis instruction, to end the season with a bang.by Haley Brill // sports editorAfter a tough weekend loss, the men may
have something up their sleeves.Baseball falls short to Oregon Tech
PHOTO COURTESY OF ALEX ST. PIERRE
Alex St. Pierre (’11) throws a strike during LC’s fi rst home game against Oregon Tech.
Is Coach “Til” the men’s secret weapon? PHOTO BY HALEY BRILLVolume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 Sports 15 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
Basketball
Women’s:
2/20
Whitman….................… (L) 67-542/22Whitworth …..............… (L) 80-72
Overall Record: 11-14
Conference Record: 5-11
Men’s:
2/20Whitman...................… (W) 73-682/22Whitworth...…............… (L) 83-78
Overall Record: 16-9
Conference Record: 10-6


Tennis
Women’s:
2/20Linfield ............................. (L) 7-22/21Pacific Lutheran............... (L) 8-1
Men’s:
2/20Linfield .............................(L) 7-22/14Pacific Lutheran...............(L) 7-2
Baseball
2/22Oregon Tech.................… (L) 8-7
Upcoming Events

Baseball
2/28 - Willamette (DH) 11 a.m.3/1 - Willamette (DH) 11 a.m.
Tennis
Women’s:2/28 - George Fox 11 a.m.3/1 - Willamette 10 a.m./T_h e Bourne Sports Report
A countdown of the hidden gems in the world of sports based movies & TV.
In these days of the new millennium, VH1, ESPN,
MTV, E! and the like run weekly countdowns of the top
10, top 20, top 100 whatevers of all-time, often overlap-ping or rehashing pop culture phenomena with which we’ve all become very familiar.
Of course the Britney/Madonna kiss was the num-
ber one shocking moment in MTV history. We’ve all seen that one centerfi elder run through the fence at PGE Park as he went after the fl y ball on Best Damn Top 50 Sports Bloopers. Clearly Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love to You” was the “Baby-Makin’ Hit” of “I Love the ’90s: 1993.”
Let’s take a moment this week to generate a list that
hasn’t already been broadcast a thousand times on cable television. /T_h ere will be no “Field of Dreams.” /T_h ere will be no “Hoosiers.” /T_h is is the “Top Six Sports Movies/TV Shows /T_h at You Maybe Haven’t Seen But Should Defi nitely Watch.”
6. “Blue Chips” (1994)Unlike its Shaquille O’Neal-starring successor “Ka-
zaam,” this mid-’90s drama, also featuring Penny Hard-away and a Hawaiian shirt-less Nick Nolte, is actually a quality piece of fi lm. Set at the fi ctional Western Uni-versity, a svelte Shaq and Hardaway play 18-year-old recruits for Nolte’s Dolphin basketball team. Along the plot line, we see the recruitment process and its en-suing scandal unfold. Aside from the fact that a 7’1”, 315-pound monster plays a college freshman, it’s a supe-rior movie with an interesting story line. No cameos by Little Penny, but Shaqtastic nonetheless.
5. “/T_h e Sixth Man” (1997)Aside from “Scary Movie” and “Scary Movie 2,” “/T_h e
Sixth Man” is by far the best movie starring one of the tragically “not-as-funny-as-they-think-they-are” Wayans brothers. In short, “/T_h e Sixth Man” tells the story of two brothers growing up as basketball phenoms, ultimate-ly ending up both playing for the Washington Huskies until older brother Antoine (conspicuously pronounced “Antawn” throughout the movie) dies of a heart at-tack after a game-winning dunk. /T_h e Huskies struggle through their next few games until - bear with me - An-toine’s ghost, only visible to brother Kenny, returns to Washington to help his team toward a championship. As ridiculous as it may sound, it’s actually worth watching. Forget the fact that they cheat their way to the top, and that it takes months for anyone to notice or care that Kenny regularly talks to a ghost. /T_h e story is endear-ing, and the actual game play is somewhat realistic for a sports movie.
4. “BASEketball” (1998)Born from the same genius minds that have spoofed
popular culture for 12 years on “South Park,” “BASEket-ball” is every college kid’s dream come true. It follows two slackers’ rise to stardom through the sport they invented in their front yard. Probably the
most well known movie of the list, this fi lm has
a little bit of everything that an 18-22 year old could want: sports, sex, beer, love and sweat-shops. Place this gem as part two of the trilogy also including “Bio-Dome” and “Dude, Where’s My Car?”
3. “61*” (2001)
Originally made for HBO, “61*” chronicles
homerun sultans Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris
during the historic 1961 Major League season in which they both broke four-bag records. Ironical-ly released in the middle of the steroid era, “61*” is an homage to pure baseball. While the sporting
aspect shines, its mixture with off -fi eld turmoil
(like adultery and alcohol abuse) supplies the sto-
ry with riveting drama that lasts until the mov-ie’s fi nal scene, a 37-year fl ash forward to Mark McGwire’s 62nd record-breaking homerun of the 1998 season. At the time the movie was released, the concluding scene served as a passing of the torch to a new generation of great hitters. /T_h ese days it is far more than that, and can be read as a text for the evolution of America’s pastime.
2. “Friday Night Lights”—/T_h e TV Series
(2006-Present)
Probably the best television drama with the
worst ratings today is “Friday Night Lights.” Based on the 1990 book and 2004 movie of the same title, this series may tragically fall into the “SportsNight” (see #1) category of great shows that could never fi nd an audience. With great abil-ity to accurately portray middle America without exaggerating its culture, the story lines are com-pelling and strikingly real. Even if you’re not a football fan, this show is worth watching. How-ever, skip the movie, it wasn’t that good. Still, the show more than merits your appreciation.
1. “SportsNight” (1998-2000)Sadly canceled due to low ratings, “Sports-
Night” gave viewers an inside look into the production of a Sportscenter-type television programs. Perfectly situated on the dramedy (drama-comedy) line, the show was smartly writ-ten and moves at an enthrallingly fast pace. /T_h e cast is top notch including a pre-Wisteria Felicity Huff man and Aaron Sorkin regular Joshua Mali-na. Anyone looking for a new show to get hooked on should defi nitely check this one out. /T_h e com-plete series DVD set is available in some stores. Keep an eye out for the 10th anniversary edition, released last year with extra features not included on the original release.
by Jacob Bourne // staff writerWomen’s tennis secures fi rst win
by Nichole Carnell // sports editor
/T_h e Lewis & Clark women’s tennis team open at home
last weekend did not dis-
appoint. /T_h e Pios stole
the win from Pacifi c Lu-
theran in an 8-1 victory on Saturday afternoon.
/T_h eir fi rst win of the
season saw big things from Amalia Nilsson (’11) who defeated her individual opponent and then teamed up with Whitney DeBree (’11) to lock down the win in the number one doubles spot. /T_h is unstoppable team, who played together last year, is now 4-0 on the season. But DeBree didn’t let Nilsson have all the glory. DeBree defeated Pacifi c Luther-an’s Ashley Coats to steal the number two individual win. Other Pioneer individual winners included Clio Beatty (’09)
in a tiebreaker match after the two battled it out in earlier sets. Jill Coleman (’12) and Mika Yokoyama (’11)
also snatched up individual wins for the Pios.
In doubles play, along
with DeBree and Nils-
son, Alix Dixon (’11) and Caitlyn Homer
(’12) in the Pios’ num-
ber two spot pick up
a win. /T_h e fi nal Pios’ point came from the doubles team of Paige Earhart (’11) and Cole-man.
/T_h is win is a big
one for the team after a tough loss at Linfi eld on Friday, Jan. 20, and
two losses the weekend before.
/T_h is weekend the
women return to the tennis dome to take on George Fox on Saturday and then on Sunday battle against Willamette. Competition begins on Saturday at 11 a.m. and on Sunday at 10 a.m.
The Pioneer women grabbed win last weekend at home against Pacifi c Lutheran.
Coach Tilmanis advises his team in practice. PHOTO BY KATIE SUGARMANBackdoor 16 the Pioneer Log, February 27, 2009
You Caught My Eye
Please e-mail your“You Caught My Eye” to Piolog@lclark.edu ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD JONAS
Inside the issue: /T_h e Top Ten
Places to have sex on campus

10. Raz
9. In the re/f_l ecting pool8. Campus Safety offi ce
7. Lifting gym
6. Library Circulation desk
5. Dean’s offi ce4. Manor House (while a tour is meeting)
3. Platt-Howard skybridge
2. Bon (during eating hours)
1. On top of the tennis dome
• 45 baboons typ-ing reproduce complete works of Howard Bloom.
Pg. 80085• Well-dressed old white man laments lack of new continents.
Pg. -5• Grandpa wants to tell you about his sex life at the home.
Pg. 42Backdoor Scavenger Hunt Challenge
Do
Documentation necessary.
Hang a giant poster of yourself from Howard (15 pts.)
Give /f_i ve /f_i rst kisses (25 pts.)Give one last kiss (50 pts.)Join a ma/f_i a (35 pts.)Switch the books on two bookcases in Powell’s (23 pts.)Moonwalk a mile (12 pts.)Be present at an autopsy (27 pts.)Perform the Heimlich (must be neccesary) (45 pts.)Go a whole day saying one word (14 pts.)Put the hope back in somebody’s heart (16 pts.)Win a pie-eating contest (14 pts.)Serenade a professor in class (22 pts.)Ride a horse to school and hitch it to a bike rack (29 pts.)Break into the Japanese Gardens after hours (11 pts.)Steal candy from a baby (9 pts.)Someone who is not attracted to your gender (16 pts.)Vomit (1 pt.)Skin a cat in two ways (6 pts.)Enter “Tyrone Blackman” into a phone (1 pt. per phone)Namedrop Garik Asplund (1 pts.)Dith Pamp (45 pts.)Ride a dolphin (26 pts.)Ride a shark (62 pts.)/T_h row your drink in someone’s face (7 pts.)Upend a restaurant table (/f_i ve points per. star)Convince a homeless person to give you money (43 pts.)Get your virginity back (37 pts.)Destroy a marriage (26 pts.)Get elected to ASLC (-5 pts.)Send your grandma a letter (8pts.)Collect
Can not be bought or paid for.
Lock of Celestino’s hair (19 pts.)
One of Winston’s ties and matching pocket square (4 pts.)An entire set of someone’s dreads (8 pts.)All the knobs from the KLC mixing board (34 pts.)Ice cream container from Bon (5 pts.)Date with Sam Adams (One point for every year diff erence in age)Brass diving suit (54 pts.)Garden gnome family (3 pts.)A blunderbuss (27 pts.)Pocket watch (7 pts.)Any bone from a mammoth (37 pts.)Pens out of ink (1 pt. each) All the toothbrushes on campus (38 pts.)A manhole cover (15 pts.)Invitation to Riverdale High School prom (six points for every year diff erence in age)Reed owl (56 pts.)Human tooth (1 pt. each)Shrunken head (39 pts.)All the shoes from the shoe tree (23 pts.)Any professor’s shoes (15 pts.)Copies of the Riverside Shakespeare (13 pts. each)Must be taken within the week, by or including you.
You doing any of this week’s top 10 (18 pts.)
You falling off a bike (5 pts.)You onstage at a concert (10 pts.)You in an MC Escher staircase land (30 pts.)Chuck Palahniuk and you (25 pts.)/T_h ree-legged dog (6 pts.)/T_h ree-legged person (66 pts.)Dog with three person legs (666 pts.)You on every bridge in Portland (13 pts.)/T_h e view from the top of Big Pink (16 pts.)A bald person’s head with a target painted on it (6 pts.)Baby being born (21 pts.)Campo in the ravine (12 pts.)You at a marijuana plantation (420 pts.)A militia (12 pts.)An Argonaut (24 pts.)A smell (35 pts.)Any professor at home (13 pts.)A car crash (11 pts.)You on a rollercoaster (19 pts.)Your future self or close approximation (24 pts.)
Eat
Provide a video, may be repeated for points.
Pushpins (1 pt.)
Cellphone (12 pts.)Entire 10-gallon container of ice cream (35 pts.)Voodoo dozen* (8 pts.)Gallon of milk* (5 pts.)Whole XL pizza* (2 pts.)Pinecone (14 pts.)Undead squirrel (84 pts.)100 ribs *(24 pts.)Your hat (13 pts. + honor)A full head of hair (56 pts.)Meat smoothie* (8 pts.)All KLC mixer knobs (34 pts.)A block of cheese* (43 pts.)In-n-Out 100x100* (100 pts.)A tablespoon of cinnamon* (53 pts.)Own leg (365 pts.)Any endangered species (42 pts.)A book (12 pts. paperback, 24 pts. hardcover)Psychedelic mushrooms (1 pt. per dragon seen)A death row prisoner’s last meal (532 pts.)*Must be eaten in one sittingYou have one and a half weeks to photograph, collect, do and eat the things enumerated on the following list. If you wish to enter the contest, please email piolog@lclark.edu. Entries will be reviewed on Saturday, March 7 and Sunday, March 8. /T_h e winner will receive a Back-door spread detailing/mocking accomplishments and the keys to a solid gold ’67 Chevy.You: Zeke.Me: Wanting to sleep with your mother.
You: Tall glass of water.Me: Wanting to /f_i ll you with alcohol.You: T rés awkward psych major.Me: Awkwarderester.You: K Milla.Me: Gypsy Killa.You: Dapper Rapper.Me: Can’t rhyme, but please sleep with me.You: Crazy girl screaming in the back of the library.Me: Want to keep you loud. /T_h rough sex, I mean. You’re attractive.
You: Mayai.
Me: Hoping I can get scrambled up
with you after a long trip abroad.
You: A pronoun.
Me: Another pronoun.You: Blind kid.Me: Caught you not looking at me.You: Erotic dancer.Me: Severely unimpressed.You: Hot magician.Me: Wanting some of that sleight of hand.
You: Lindy-hop lady.Me: Swinger.
Photograph