Lewis & Clark College

The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College’s Student-Run Newspaper

Volume 80, Issue 7

Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper

Pioneer Log Staff

2013-04-12

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Newspaper

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Lewis & Clark College: Pioneer Log / Mossy Log

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ARTJST PICllJRED ABOVE: NOAH JOHNS, "OBESSESSION JS A "!l' t -~ 'i
.(;c i<N ~
~-w r "' * l-Volume 80, Issue 7
Friday, April 12, 2013
www.piolog.com 2 NEWS~ THE PIONEER LOG APRIL 12, 2013
ASLC and the Student Fee
Determining wh~re the money goes and what types of clubs can be funded
ALLIE MCRAITH
NEWS EDITOR
According to the preamble of
their Constitution, the Associated
Students of Lewis & Clark is "the
official body charged with facilitat­
ing better communication between
students, the faculty, the admin­
istration and the LC community
at large." Lately, the allocation of
funds-or lack thereof-has cre­
ated a lot of dialogue on campus.
One of the main ways student
clubs are funded is through the
Student Body Fee. Currently, this
fee is $180 per semester.
Each spring, the Student Orga­
nizations Committee receives bud­
get applications from every group
interested in having a budget for
the following school year. and responsible drinking, and its
request for funds has served as the
catalyst for the recent legislation
over defining the allocation of the
Student Body Fee.
"We didn't have any rules dic­
tating how we addressed things ...
that may have certain legal con­
cerns," ASLC President Xander
Blair ('13) said. "Or inclusiveness
concerns. A big goal of ours in
funding student groups is to fund
projects that are inclusive, so we
don't directly fund things like a
cappella groups where you have to
audition."
Kevin Cassidy ('14), one of the
proponents of the Zymurgy Club,
said that whileonly 21-year-olds
can participate at a certain point
in the fermentation process, there
are other aspects to the club that
younger students can participate "That's clubs, but [it] also
includes the Finance Commit­
tee,_ which is my committee, and
Student Academic Affairs Board
and Campus Activities Board do
the same process to get [their]
funding. Pretty much everything
related to ASLC gets their money
from the same place, which is the
Student Organizations Commit­
tee," said Treasurer Robin Boede­
cker ('13). in that ASLC seems willing to
fund. TOTAL STUDENT ORGANIZATIONS COMMITTEE BUDGET: $739,530
She also said that sometimes
there are things that come up at
the beginning of the following
year or weren't included in those
original proposals that can still
be funded, either through the
Finance Committee's Student
Initiatives Fund for non-academic
grants or the SAAB for academic
grants. (See the chart below for a
visual flow chart of this process).
Right before the elections for
next year's Cabinet members, a
new type of club.came to ASLC
looking for funding. The Zy­
murgy Club focuses on brewing "It's been a precedent that you
can't submit any reimbursements
. for alcohol. It's not formally writ­
ten, but it is understood that I
wouldn't sign it and Jason [Feiner]
wouldn't sign it," Boedecker said.
"There are plenty of ways we can
fund them. We can have them be
a club with a budget where we pay
for them to have speakers and we
pay for them to do research and
support all the things that they
were arguing were not exclusive."
In his "Letter to the Editor" on
March 15, Cassidy raised another
point, saying, "We feel that it is
unfair of ASLC, as representatives
of the student body, to deny us
this opportunity which we believe
will work towards improving the
culture of alcohol consumption
at LC."
ASLC has made strides in this
direction but is not sure that using this ~oney is the right course of
action .
"Changing the alcohol culture
here is something that ASLC has
been really interested in," Blair
said, citing the pub at Maggie's
and efforts to keep the Oregon
Liquor Control Commission off
campus as examples.
In short, while the ASLC
Constitution states that another
fundamental purpose of the
ASLC is to act as an "open forum
for students to actively address
their concerns and grievances,"
the Student Senate is only four
years old so there are still issues
that need to be ironed our.
"We wrote down our formal
rules, and it didn't work for a great
student group and a great set of
students. They ran a really cool
grassroots campaign and got a
bunch of people involved with
STAR.T~
CLuBS.,
S-ruoe:N+
Of(G,AN iZA TIONS_,
SYMPOSIA,
el:c. ·
ILLUSTRATION BY KELSEY GRAY SA.)~fJ·
(Ac,A OE l"1 ic
PR..-OJf..C TS)
:l':sAAe,
CHA lR.... Jctuot:J'tT
~N i'TiATi"'eJ FUND
(FlNANc.l.
C.OM_M i 11e.e..)
4t T RZ..A :S u R..e f<..., what we're doing here," Blair said.
The first restrictive bill pro­
posed to clarify the use of the Stu­
dent Fee was not passed. Instead,
ASLC passed a non-restrictive bill
that the Senate can interpret each
year. This will not affect existing
clubs' budgets.
The Cabinet members are
excited that people have become
invested in an issue and are
prompting larger questions about
ASLC participation.
"We're just glad that people are
paying attention to the resources
they have here. We're here to make
possible the things they want to
do, but it is also our responsibil-
ity to do it right and within the
rules," Boedecker said. "Every
student fee money use is decided
by students. People who choose
to get involved have control over
how it is used."
SPECIAL
fC\Olt:CTS
~i.e. Co LLe&-c~
OUTt>ooR..S_,
?-E. N l o R...,
ex.peR..ieNc.e, ett APRIL 12, 2013 THE PIONEER LOG
Remembering Jacob Valdiviezo
BY ROCKY MCNEFF
SPORTS EDITOR
On March 30, 2013, the Lewis
& Clark community lost a team­
mate, friend and classmate in
Jacob Valdiviezo. Valdiviezo, a
sophomore wide receiver for the
football team, touched the lives of
many people at LC and had a pro­
found impact on the school both
on and off the field. A candle­
light vigil was held on campus in
remembrance of Valdiviezo the
day after his passing, and many of
his friends and teammates were
brought together to celebrate the
life that he lived.
The Valdiviezo family planned
a funer.al for their son, and
they invited LC teammates and
friends to celebrate his life in San
Francisco, his hometown. On
Friday, April 5, LC provided two
buses for anyone who wanted to
be present at the memorial. They
arrived on Saturday to attend mass
at St. Peter's Church and the burial
at Holy Cross Cemetery. The
group arrived back·on campus
early Sunday morning.
Along with the dedications to
Jacob Valdiviezo which occurred
in San Francisco, LC has been cel­
ebrating his life all over campus.
On the fifth floor of Holmes, the
residence of Valdiviezo, there is a table with flowers, pictures and a
book, which is open for anyone to
write thoughts, prayers or memo­
ries in. The lu 'au, which was held
on Saturday night, was dedicated
to the student athlete and included
a moment of silence before the
performances.
As Valdiviezo was an ath-
lete at LC, his passing has had a
tremendous impact on all athletic
teams. The women's softball team
dedicated their games to their
fellow athlete by writing "JV13"
on their cleats. The football team
especially has been greatly affected
by this loss; however, coaches and
teammates have found light in
celebrating Valdiviezo's life and
his wonderful character. Head
Football Coach Chris Sulages said,
"The team and College will miss
Jacob dearly. He made his mark
on LC in such a short amount of
time. Jacob lit up a room when he
came in; his smile and infectious
positivity were amazing. He was
able to talk and communicate with
people effortlessly."
Dean of Religious and Spiritual
Life Mark Duntley, and anyone
else who is interested in help-
ing, is o,rganizing a campus ,vide
celebration of Jacob Valdiviezo's
life which will be held later in the
semester. There is also a Face­
book page, "Remembering Jacob
Valdiviezo," which was created in
commemoration of Valdiviezo.
Saudi students
given government
grants for learning
BY ZOE KLINGMANN
STAFF REPORTER
Lewis & Clark's diversity has
gotten a boost over the past
10 years of a large number of
students from Middle Eastern
countries who have chosen to
make Palatine Hill home.
These students are enrolled in
Academic English Studies, LC's
program for learners of English
as a second language (ESL). AES
students range in age from 18 to
their 30s and come from countries
as diverse as Chile, Senegal and
Japan. Now countries like Saudi
Arabia, Kuwait and the United
Arab Emirates are becom-ing
more visible in ESL both on the
LC campus and across the United
States.
Some of this growth has.been
encouraged by Middle Eastern
governments. For instance, in
2005, the Saudi government
responded to a shortage of higher
education inside the country by
establishing the King Abdullah
Scholarships Program, which pays
for the overseas studies of over 100,000 Saudi men and women
each year.
The program's main goal was
to prepare young people for a
"knowledge-based economy," but
it also has a cultural aspect. In a
2005 address, King Abdullah ex­
pressed his wish for young Saudis
"to know the world and for the
world to know them" in order to
foster cultural understanding.
The scholarship and others like
it in the region have been very ef­
fective. According to the Institute
of International Education, only
7,172 students from the Arabian
peninsula were studying in the
U.S. in 2005; by 2012, there were
42,182. The decision was easy for
LC AES student Mohammed Al­
ghamdi of Saudi Arabia. "It is like,
'of course,' if it's all paid for," said
the 23-year-old, who plans to get
his Master's degree in finance after
finishing the AES program.
Choices about studying abroad
can also be very personal. "Many
students are first and foremost
connected to LC through word
of mouth," said Co-Director of
the AES Program Joann Geddes. converted to an open memorial space for members of
the Lewis & Clark community.
PHOTO COURTESY OF JULIE VORHOLT
Damian Melnicove ('14) works with two AES-130 students.
In recent years, Geddes has even
taught the children and relatives
of former students from the
1970s and '80s.
When asked why he had come
to the United States rather than
Europe or Asia, Fahad Bin Ateeg
cited language as a factor: because
English is considered the busi­
ness language of the world, it
will be more useful to him after
he finishes his MBA. American
culture may also be more familiar
than British culture, according to
Albandari Alhejaili. "I think the
English is easier because we saw
American movies," she said.
Alhejaili, who is pursuing an
MBA, said that at first, transition­
ing to an American college was "a
big change." She had never stud­
ied in a co-ed classroom before, and she struggled with shyness.
"But it's not hard to adapt," said
the 24-year-old. "I got used to it."
Geddes stresses that AES and LC
always try to "learn and honor
the traditions" of students of any
culture.
These traditions benefit the
LC campus. More than at many
other colleges, ESL students at
LC participate in undergraduate
student life. They help to organize
events such as Saudi Indepen­
dence Day in the Bon and the
International Fair each spring, and
some have written for The Piolog.
AES Instructor Julie Vorholt sees
it as a _learning opportunity for all.
"Undergrads love to go abroad
and learn about new cultures," she
said. "I like the idea of reciproc­
ity." NEWS 3 APRIL 12, 2013 THE PIONEER LOG OPINION 4
Campus Lhiing dict~tes leadership pttributes
a can ,; plete incompat­
ibility for. the position. The hiring
of seeminglyupfit candidates and
the passing ov~r of candidates
who seem highly qualified causes
students' displeasru;e with the hit-
pottunities on they visit
club meetings to encourage ap­
plications from a diverse student
population.
"Everyone in their own way is
diverse and brings a different set
of perspectives," said Director
of Cam us Living Kelly Hoover. :1
is heartening. However, while erfo.rm
dents.
y, thedep
sure diversity in lea ,~
·thout the support of
the department turns inward and effectiveness is a concern. Du.e
consid~rs areas for improvemint, to the discrepancy in students'
there are other realms in which expectations for leadership and
they could considei; growth. Campus Living's requireme_1;1ts,
To .i:his end, I suggest they take students might see the hi.ring pro-
' look at their efforts ss as skewed to the .. u,,a.u.,1.a11~c wise, s
as1:ho
ingup cast th .. ve
·ve
or
u
ore ac en
decisions ar~1;1Pa e. If
:unica • · ·<
+ofRA
leaders acts a
bodies between their &sidents and
the administration, it iSstrange foi:
there to be such a laclc of student
voice. While Campus Living takes
the opportunity for self-assess­
ment and self-improvement, they
should also take ti.me to truly culti­
vate the student voice they aim to
Premature major declaration proves pointless
BY CASSIE BISHOP
ARTS EDITOR
According to Lewis & Clark's
website, the number of students
whose moccasin-clad feet fail to
triumphantly walk across Lewis
& Clark's graduation stage is
just above 30 percent. If you are
like me and have yet to pass the
Quantitative Reasoning Exam,
this means that roughly one out
of three people who attend LC
will drop out in the years before
graduation. Are your two best
friends happier than you? Then
you won't be here by graduation.
The College has determined
that LC's retention rate needs
some serious work, and a posited
solution lies in our major declara­
tion deadline. Ir has been said
tl1at tl1e sooner students declare
a major, the sooner they become
enveloped by a loving, caring community of like-minded peers.
Maybe I am jaded, but I really do
not see how forcing students to
declare a major after 45 credits
as opposed to 61 will help to
improve student happiness at LC.
Is tl1at fourtl1 semester-provided
you make it tl1at long-really so
pivotal?
Assuming one of the main mo­
tives for this lower credit ceiling
is retention-which I have heard
is the case from the mouths of
LC faculty members-then LC
is applying a Band-Aid solution
to a gaping wound. I point tlus
out because I adore LC and feel
very centered in this community.
However, while the International
Affairs department is pheno_rne­
nal, little of my day-to-day joy has
been provided by the alleged sense
of community I am supposed to
feel as a declared IA major. Ultimately, all the new credit
ceiling does is give lugh-school­
AP-credit:-heavy freshmen a
tougher fust year by thrusting an­
other undesirable task onto their
plates when they're still trying to
acclimate to roommates and cope
with burgeoning alcohol depen­
dencies.
Those in support of the new
declaration deadline argue that
you can change your major an
unlimited number of times with
no repercussions and with little
personal :inconvenience. Yes, it can
be changed it witl1 some simple
paperwork, but aren't we a pedes­
tal for environmentalism? Wasting
paper does not honor those goals_
But on a serious note, if tl1ere
is no benefit to declaring--or
at least no tangible evidence of
benefit that I have seen-then
why change it? Students should not have to defend the drawbacks
of this deadline change. The
simple fact that the current system
1JJorks should be all the evidence
we need. We know that there is a
small portion of tl1e LC-commu­
nity who is inconvenienced by tlus
paperwork. We also do not know
if the considerably larger number
of students who are dissatisfied
with LC are transferring due to
a lack of community that would
apparently, under these new rules,
be provided.
The 61-credit deadline was
more realistic. The new program's
impact on retention will likely not
be significant enough to justify the
increased number of new students
who will be negatively affected by
the change in credit requirements.
Another choice piece of wisdom
if it ain't broke, don't fi.'i: it.
ILLUSTRATION BY KELSEY GRAY APRIL 12, 2013 THE PIONEER LOG OPINION 5
Student fee faces sobering dilemma
BY CALEB DIEHL
OPINION EDITOR
Efforts to promote mature
drinking have been brewing on
campus. Maggie's just completed a
test run of its pub renovation, and
the Zymurgy Club, which claims it
will educate students on sustain­
able drinking habits, has almost
completed a protracted bid for
ASLC funding. It's all a smoothly
run party until legal and ethical is­
sues that involve your student fees
burst in to break it up.
The most recent iteration of
. a "bill to clarify the purpose of
the student body fee" from ASLC
does its best to keep rules for the
allocation of funds murky. Its key
provision mandates, "The funds
raised by the Student Body Fee
shall be allocated to student driven
groups and initiatives that seek to
. improve or offer services to the
larger Lewis & Clark community
and that are inclusive to the entire
student body." •
This language presents obvious
issues. For some of us, a donation
of vast amounts of alcohol con­
stitutes a "service." "The larger
community" might include faculty
and st~ff. The buzzword "inclu­
sive" is euphemistic, political and
ambiguous.
An earlier draft of the student
fee legislation solved these am­
biguities by clearly and concisely
rejecting all funding for projects
involving alcohol. Those restric­
tions might sound harsh, but
they make practical sense. More prohibitive legislation ensures
the student fee will not become
involved in messy legal issues that
could strangle ASLC initiatives.
In ASLC's discussion
of the older bill, sena­
tors cited the legal
volatility of using
the student fee to
Enance use of
a controlled
sub-
stance.
In a
sum-
mary of
remarks
recorded
in the
meeting
minutes,
ASLC
President
Xander
Blair ('13)
noted,
"This
is the
opinion
that I've funding for projects involv-
ing alcohol, a disproportionate
amount of the money could end
up supporting projects
in which un-
heard the most: . ~
• that we definitely • ~~
shouldn't fund the ILLUSTRATION BY uz FINCH ~('.""')
production of alcohol, because
it can be a touchy legal subject,
especially with the number of
underage students we have, and it
is a touchy administrative subject
as well."
Senators also questioned using
a student fee drawn from mostly
underage students for brewing. If
Zymurgy or similar clubs receive derclassmen, even those inducted
into the club, cannot directly
participate. The desire for equality
and diversity in student activities
dictates that all students in a club
should share in their organiza­
tion's funding as long as they put
in equal effort and commitment.
Brewing is an expensive, drawn-
ADVERTISEMENT out process, so most of Zymur­
gy's money could be sucked into
senior students' experimentation,
not resources for underclassmen.
In a recent letter to the student
body, Kevin Cassidy ('14) tries
to allay these concerns. He
writes, "With [that] logic,
ASLC should probably
discontinue funding the
senior experience with
a portion of our
student fees
because
we will
have
to wait
until
we are
seniors to
attend these
events." Still,
attention devot-
ed to under­
classmen
feeds a
strong se-
nior class.
The college
recogruzes
tl1at the senior
expenence 1s a
small drop in the undergraduate
wine glass.
Cassidy's objection makes
sense only if Zymurgy can
actually cultivate taste and urge
sensibility in the arts of brewing
and responsible drinking. Whether
they will do this can only be
revealed in practice. If Zymurgy
fulfills its only recently articu-
lated proclamation of inclusivity
Please Support Us! by making its goal applicable to
all students, there is no reason
why they cannot claim funds. If
instead they concoct a for-profit
brewery accessible to a few of
their members, shrouded beneath
nods to educating the rest of tl1e
campus on sustainable drink-
ing, they have no right to money
furnished by tl1eir mostly under­
age peers. ASLC should follow the
mOll!ey next year and cut it off if
tl1e focus becomes too narrow.
Zymurgy can also find other
avenues that would enhance im­
mersion in sustainable brewing.
An extended academic project,
funded ilirough SAAB, would
keep brewing projects focused and
accountable. The founders of Zy­
murgy will have to outline specific
goals and produce measurable
results. The rest of the Zyn;_mrgy
Club should still receive ASLC
funds to purchase benign books
a_nd research materials.
If Zymurgy doesn't agree
to this twofold plan-in-depth
academic projects focused on de­
signing beer and a club to educate
future sustainable drinkers-their
motives will seem questionable. If
tl1ey don't build trust by attend-
ing to every interested student,
they will lose focus and funding.
In turn, ASLC should refine their
politically correct drivel and clearly
explain which clubs get money
and for what activities. In Zy­
murgy's case, they should release
funds for specific materials not
directly used in brewing and see
what ferments.
When you need help or questions ans'!"ered1
who do you see?
-Ctlitlm Hansen in the Registrar's Office?
-Shtillt!y PmTSOn in Student & Departmental
Account Services?
-Kidhy Andasan in Economics/lnterna~
Affairs?
-Mq ~ in PFJAthletics?
We are just a few of the 160 members that make up the
Lewis & Clark College Support Staff Association Union (LCCSSA) and the_
best part of our jobs is helping situden~ navigate through their day!
LCCSSA is negotiating with the c:ollege for a new contract right now. 6ARTS THE PIONEER LOG APRIL 12, 2013
Lewis & Clark's Senior Art, Exhibition 2013
COMPLETED
ONE PROJ­
ROJECTS )
END TO THEIR
T ALSO SERVE
NGSTONESTO
N OPENED ON
, J\PR1L 5, IN THE )
AND ERIC HOFF­
LLERY OF CON-
Y ART, AND IT
THE ARTISTRY
}
GRADUAT.:, .
BY CATERINA ZISCHKE­
RINCON
STAFF WRITER
Each artists' unique style is the
result of years of experience and
artistic growth. This is reflected
in the originality of the individual
pieces.
"I was really intrigued by
Noah Johns' 'Obsession is a
Word I Know,' which centered
around him sitting in a blue box
and methodically crossing off
random numbers from a book,"
said Megan Morin ('13). "To me,
.I interpreted it as the obsession
of trying to find reason in chaos.
Humans have created systems of
· knowledge like language, obses­
sively attempting to construct or­
der to make sense of that chaos."
Morin mentioned that Johns'
mixed media and performance
piece particularly stuck out to her.
It reminded her of "La Biblioteca
de Babel," a short story by Argen­
tine novelist Jorge Luis Borges.
Morin draws parallels between the
themes of Johns' piece and those
of Borges' stoty, which chronicles
the life of a man whose universe
resides in a library of books of
seemingly meaningless content.
"I also felt drawn to Johns' piece because it felt very ephemer­
al," said Jesenya Maldonado ('15).
"Unlike the other tangible pieces
found in the exhibition, Noah's
performance -was impermanent,
which I found to be really honest
and intimate."
Other artists expressed them­
selves quite differently. Sam Orner
('13) chose to make a wooden
sculpture.
"My piece is about my relation­
ship to my family on a personal
level," explained Orner. "I also
want to have the observer make
their own interpretation of my
work and what it means to them."
Lauren Reiterman's ('13) work
centers around the struggle to
have a coherent conversation with
someone she knows who was di­
agnosed with a cognitive disorder.
"I was trying to depict a mental ill­
ness in physical form," said Reiter­
man. "This is my interpretation of
the person's mental landscape­
disrupted and confused in parts,
but there are also areas where
there seems to be some s~nse
of progress coming through.
Ultimately, though, it represents a
failure to communicate."
The exhibition will run until Mqy
19 and is open to the public Tuesdqy
through Sundqy, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.
The 2013 Senior Art Exhibition features the follow-
ing students: Francis Ahn, Spencer Byrne-Seres, Shelby
Campbell, Rachael Cazden, Sam Crane, Roxanne Davis,
Jennifer Dowdy, Gianluca Giarrizzo, Monroe Isenberg,
Noah Johns, Kris Jorizzo, Lindsay Koenig, Alicia Kroell,
Frances Li, Pallas Loren, Laura Alison Nash, Sam Orner,.
Isabel Perez, Louise Pietruszewski, Anna Pollock, Lauren
Reiter-man, Mira Stein, Samira Tristani-Firouzi, Claire
Tsuji, Anna Vogel, Emilie Wedoee. (
\.
<
~
' '
(
( \
~
f: )
t ( , ""
' I.
' I
• \
(
PHOTOGRAPH BY CATERINA ZISCHKE-RINCON
"Combining forgotten film shot for Swedish television in the late 1960s witl1 in­
terviews with American commentators, musicians and activists, the film gives ...
an innovative and eye-opening perspective. The Black Power Mixtape, compiled
by a group of Swedish journalists, explores the evolution of the Black Power
Movement in the black community and diaspora from 1967 to 1975.". z
<(
(.J
L.!.J
xZ :::::; z
<( u:: APRIL 12, 2013
STUDENTS PURSING A
MUSIC MAJOR AT LEWIS
& CLARK HAVE A CHOICE
OF FOCUSING ON
COMPOSITION, PERFOR­
MANCE, MUSICOLOGY,
MUSIC EDUCATION OR
ETHNOMUSICOLOGY. /
WAS ABLE TO SIT DOWN
WITH Yiu Huo, A Music
PERFORMANCE MAJOR,
AND SHOHEI KOBAYAS­
HI, A MUSIC COMPOSI­
TION MAJOR. THIS IS
WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY
ABOUT MAKING MUSIC.
Yili Huo •
What is your major and why?
My major is piano performance,
and I am doing it because I love it.
Please explain your senior
project. -
My senior project is a recital of
keyboard literature that represents
distinctive styles and periods
across Western music history. I
am playing all six movements of
the Third Bach English Suite in. G
Minor from the Baroque period,
which emphasizes ... counterpoint
and Baroque dance movements.
For the classical period, I am
playing an early Beethoven piano
trio (chamber piece) that is highly
influenced by the big guys at that
time, such as Joseph Haydn and
Mozart. I am playing two Chopin
pieces for the Romantic period,
and Debussy for the impressionist
era. At last, I will be playing one
of Samuet Barber's excursions
representative of the early 20th
century American style.
What does it feel like when you
create something you're proud
of?
It definitely feels very fresh and
clean. From my perspective, I am
more of an interpreter instead of
a creator. •I am always trying to
deliver something that's close to
the composer's intention. When I
recognize that I am doing some­
thing stylistically correct, it makes
me feel good because I feel like
I ju~t did a piece of music I love
some justice.
What is the hardest/ scariest
part of being a performance
major?
The hardest and scariest thing is
definitely performing its.elf, or the
psychological state that comes
with it. As a piano player, I am
also required to memorize all the STORY BY LINDSEY BOSSE
PHOTOS BY DEMI GUDDEN
solo repertoire based on musical
traditions. And memory is a scary
thing when you're under pres-
sure. I have experienced extremely
unexpected_ memory slips that you
dQn't experience during practice,
and that mpment always makes
me nervous and scared beyond
d~scription.
Do you see yourself using your
sJ_rjJJ.s in the future as a way of
supporting yourself?
Definitely. I have played at wed­
dings, made small amounts of
cash accompanying and I am cur­
rently interning at a performing
arts school for developmentally
disabled adults using the technical
skills I have. So I can see myself
continuing using these skills to
support myself.
Do you find an intersection
between your two majors?
Yes. On a personal level, music
keeps [me] sane from hec.tic times
such as writing papers and taking • THE PIONEER LOG
tests. After I finish writing a long
research paper, I am relie"."ed to
be able to sit at the piano and just
focus on black and white keys. It
occupies my anention and brain,
which is sort of therapeutic if
that makes sense to you. [From] a
bigger perspective, I have always
been interested in topics such how
music moves one's emotions on
a neurological level, why music
exists in every human culture
without excep1jon [and] why can
a melody be perceived as sad or
happy by all cultures that experi­
ence other barriers except for
music. Not that I am capable of
finding these answers, but I do
constantly think about them when
I play or listen to music.
Final though1ts?
Everyone is welcome to my recital
on April 19 in Evans if you enjoy
listening to some classical piano
music.
S hohei Kobqyashi
What is your major and what is
your medium, or what do you
play?
I am a music composition major,
so I guess my medium is, or are,
musical notes. But that's difficult.
Maybe my medium is sound. I
don't know really; it's complicated.
I started as a math major, think­
ing I could fit iin some music on
the side, but I changed my mind
sophomore year. As for what
I play, I came here with some
experience playing guitar and
singing, and now I also play
some piano. I've been taking
lessons for four semesters.
Explain what you're doing
for your senior project.
I am required to put on a
35-minute recital of original
music. A typical composition
student wri.tes throughout
their four years, but I didn't
really feel confident in my
abilities to compose until Win-
ter Break, when I really started •
composing the music for this
recital. I guess I could say I'm
still not confident, but I need
to do it to graduate. So I have
been purring together these pieces
for the last three months or so. A
lot of them had been conceptual­
ized before then, but I didn't put
pencil to paper until break came along.
Why are you a composition
major?
I came in with some songwriting
background, but I didn't decide
on being a composition major
until second semester sophomore
year. I went to a music department
meet-and-greet freshman year
and told Michael Johanson, the
composition professor, that I was
interested in composition and that
I had some experience songwrit­
ing. He said, "Well, we·have to
distinguish between songwriting
and composition, because they're ARTS 7
not the same." That nearly kept
me from being a music major for
awhile, until I took theory second
semester freshman year, and I've
kept at it since.
Where do you see yourself in
the future?
I have a rough five-year plan that
basically entails finding.a part-time
job to pay the bills ind using the
rest of my time to fu)ly invest
myself in making music, both with
The Dancing Hats and on my
own. I have a couple-music project
ideas that I want to start Bushing
out. I'll stop for a reality check at
the end of those five years to see
where I'm at, re-evaluate, maybe
apply to graduate programs in
either composition or choral
conducting.
What is your favorite step of
the process?
I haven't been through all of it
yet, but I can speculate. I can't say
that the writing was my favorite
part; it was very, very difficult­
painful at times. I enjoyed getting
to the ends of those pieces, and
I am really excited to get rehears­
ing. I think that will-be my favorite
part because I will get to work
with people on di.is music that
took so many hours alone to write
and bring it to life.
Final thoughts?
It has nothing to do with music,
but just I wish I had tnore time to
meet people.
Kobqyashis recital is April 15, and
Huo s is April 19. Both recitals wiJJ be
at 7:30 p.m. in Evans Auditorium.
0
0
L.!.J
_J u <l'.'. "The songs on Ride Your Heart sometimes fall prey to the deriva­
tive nature of the very girl groups to whom they pay homage.
Until Bleached's next release, Ride Your Heart is a fine record to
~ u welcome the summer months as it blares from an open
convertible coasting down the highway."
BLEXJ-IED: ru ID) IE )f (O) (UJ !Rs.. [Kl IEA!Rs..li
.PHOTOGRAPH BY
SERIN BUCK ('14) HOT
ffi~ w
CAPET OWN, SOUTH AFRICA
Submit your photos for Photo of the Week to piolog@gmail.com. 8 THE PIONEER LOG
STYLE SOURCI:
By Mary Gates
Best friends Emily Halter ('14) and Madison Ibsen ('14) have grown
inseparable since meeting at Lewis & Clark their freshman year. The
two share an interest in fashion, but their taste in style sets them
apart. Halter's wardrobe consists of a variety of bold pieces while
Ibsen prefers much more simple designs. Their contrasting styles il­
luminate their fashionable taste and illustrate a friendship that seems
straight from a Disney movie.
Emily Halter
Kansas City, MO
Economics
Junior Madison Ibsen
Oak Bluffs, MA
Psychology
Junior
Where are your favorite places t-, shop tOJ!;ether?
Anything on Hawthorne! Also,
the antique shops in Sellwood. Anywhere featuring Haw­
thorne as a cross street and
that creepy Goodwill down­
town next to Powell's. If we're
feeling really spendy we might
venture to N.W. 23rd.
Do you share clothes? How does that usuallly work?
Madison is free to borrow any­
thing of mine that she dares
wear in public. In my closest,
finding reasonable clothing
can occasionally be a bit of a
challenge. We mostly just end
up sharing simple things like
cardigans and socks when one
of us has waited a I ittle bit ·too
long to do laundry. Sometimes we share clothes.
Sadly, it usually results in Emily
wearing my clothes and look­
ing far better in them.
How do your fashion tastes differ from each other?
Madison can make literally
anything look super cute. She
has also been known to give
me a hard time for some of my
more ridiculous purchases; her
and my mother generally have
pretty similar reactions. While
we definitely have our fashion
differences, we tend to share a
love of jean jackets, clogs and
glasses. Emily is hip as fuck. By some
witchcraft she can pull off ba­
sically anything, including but
not limited to, Harry Potter/Da­
vid Salkowski spectacles, her
mother's Levi's from 19'93 and
leather fanny packs.
What do you do if she wears something that looks awful?
Luckily, Madison is so ador­
able that I never have to worry
about this. In all seriousness,
I don't think that in our three
years of friendship she has ever
worn something that I thought
looked anywhere close toA
bad. In that scenario I might tell her
that she looked like a vaga­
bond, but for fun I might also
tell her she looks amazing.
Emily calls this "friendly sabo­
tage" It's similar to uploading
unflattering pictures of your
hot friends on Facebook.
What's your favorite thing about her personal style?
She's the cutest! My favorite
thing about Madison's style
• is her color palette; rich, yet
soft. Even though she hardly
ever wears them in public, she
has the classiest collection of
dresses that always make me
jealous. What's your favorite thing
about the other's personal
style? Emily, hands dovvn, has
the most impressive selection
of trendy earrings and large
knitted sweaters that I have
ever seen. She is also fearless;
she'll wear anything and ev­
erything without shame and
look incredible.
How do your organize your clothes:r
Well, um, Madison's closest is
very well organized. I like to hang all my clothes
up; it's just a personal prefer­
ence. Whatever Emily may tell
you, she prefers her clothes in
small-to medium-sized piles
on her bedroom floor despite
ample closet space. APRIL 12, 2013
Emily Halter (left), Madison Ibsen (right).
• APRIL 12, 2013
BY MICHELLE CHERNACK
STAFF WRITER
During spring break, a group
of 11 students and one staff advi­
sor traveled to the Turks and Cai­
cos Islands on a service-learning
triP. to immerse themselves in the
local environment and community.
This trip was initiated by the
Center for Career and Community
Engagement's Alternative Spring
Break program, which enables
students to organize student-led
trips.
Ian Blair ('15) and Eva Ramey
('15) put together the only Alter­
native Spring Break this year. The
pair created this trip entirely on
their own: they wrote up a pro-
. posal to get grant money, picked
the destination and selected the
students using a blind selection
process.
"Our team was perfect," said
Blair. "Everyone worked so well
together."
Subsequently, pre-trip meetings were held to educare the group
on the Turks and Caicos Islands, a
British Overseas Territory.
"Even though we'd done all the
research, you still don't have the
full picture," said Blair. "We got to
see what was right in our research
and what was significantly off."
They had daily conversations
and interviews with Caicos natives
(called Belongers), authorities and
developers to achieve a better un­
derstanding of the island. Lectures
from the School for Field Studies,
a local non-profit organization
that has been conducting scientific
research on the South Caicos Is­
land for several decades, educated
the students about the island they
were on.
"I wanted to discover some
new circumstances with some
new friends and to see how we
approach social reality by apply­
ing what we've learned at school," THE PIONEER LOG FEATURES 9
TURKS AND CAICOS
[Alternative Spring Break 2013]
said Ang Li ('16), a participant in
the trip. "I expected a happy and
sensitive experience witl1 the team
on the island, and the experience
turned out to be very rewarding
and tl10ught--provoking." assess a single real world issue
very delicately and comprehen­
sively when we are trying to apply
our knowledge," said Li.
Students are required to bring
their acquired knowledge back to
"I wanted to discover some new circum­
stances with some new friends and to
see how we approach social reality by
applying what we've learned at school."
Though they were only tl1ere
for a week, the group was able
to pick up on the local culture by
exploring and talking to Caicos
citizens.
"I developed a mote in-depth
understanding of social issues. It's
a small island, bur [it] has fairly
complex context and issues going
on. I felt that it is [iJ necessity to campus in some form in exchange
for the opportunity to create and
participate in the trip. Blair is
putting together a documentary
about their experience that will be
shown before the end of the year.
"Ir's one thing to study every­
thing you can in a book about
a place, and tl1en it's entirely
different to experience it. It was a PHOTO COURTESY OF ANG LI
good balance of liberal arts theory
and practicality because we were
able to do all of this," said Blair.
"Lewis & Clark should initiate
more Alternative Spring Break
trips. If someone has the audacity
to go and create a trip, walk them
along. But if no one is showing
any interest, it might just be help­
ful to get people [offj of campus."
These trips provide students
with in opportunity to become
exposed to ocher communities
and students are left to make what
they want out of them.
"From my understanding, our
education is teaching us that ahead
of finding solutions or. .. being
creative, one should [first] try to
accommodate and understand an
unexpected situation or experience
to the best extent of her ability,"
said Li, "tl1en to make an objective
as well as a critical judgment and
response."
51 st Annual International Affairs S • osIum
April 8-10, 2013 power
balance,
order
& flux
Monday evening's session featured Director of the Heritage
Foundation's Asian Studies Center Walter Lohman and former
U.S. Representative Barney Frank. The two speakers tackled the
topic of military retrenchment in the East. Lohman argued for
a continued American presence in the East and suggested that
retrenchment was a selfish use of American power. "Anyone who
thinks we should withdraw should ask themselves whether we
have a responsibility to anyone's freedom but our own," Lohman
said. "America has an ideology. It's not an ideology of right or
left. It's an ideology of I iberty." Photograph and caption by Tiffany Wang PHOTOGRAPHS BY HANNAH PRINCE
Above: Associ­
ate Professor of
Defense Analysis
David Tucker of
the Naval Post­
graduate School
speaks to
interested
students after his
panel on security
in failed states.
Left: Olivia
Armstrong ('13)
and Canaan
Schlesinger ('13)
served as the
Student Chairs of
the symposium
this year. ♦ ♦ ♦
10 FEATURES
A COLUMN HIGHLIGHTING THE
INTERNATIONAL STUDENT EXPERIENCE
BY HANAA ALANDIJANI (SAUDI ARABIA)
Studying in America was al­
ways my dream, and it came true.
Why especially America, not Italy
or France or any other country?
I do not know. Maybe because I
heard many good things about
it, or all movies that have been
filmed in America show a great
picture of it, so we think America
is the world where you can find
anything that you want. Ir seems
to me the happy land where you
can live happily ever after. I think
all people have the same dream.
Before I came to America, I
was not afraid of anything; I knew
that Americans are good people,
"It was the oppo­
site of what I had
thought; people
wanted to help
me with anything.
They talked to me
in a nice way, and
they looked for my
satisfaction."
and there are rules which if I fol­
lowed, everything would be OK.
Everyone can have justice.
I just had one wrong idea
which was no one was going to talk with me because I cover my
hair, and I could not make any
American friends. I was afraid
about this because I did not want
to be alone. I would just go to
school and come back without
talking to anyone and it would
make me very sad.
However, when I came here,
that thought changed in the first
day. It was the opposite of what
I had thought; people wanted
to help me with anything. They
talked to me in a nice way, and
they looked for my satisfaction.
It relieved me and made me very
happy.
Also, they knew the reasons
that make me cover my hair;
most of them knew about our
religion. Moreover, they showed
their respect for what I am doing.
In addition, they wanted to know
more about us and about our
culture. A lot of Americans love
our food, too.
What shocks me more than
other things is that most Ameri­
cans know about Ramadan, and
what we are doing exactly in
Ramadan. Furthermore, like Lewis
& Clark College, they put some
posters up about Ramadan, and
explained to other students what
Ramadan is.
It was the most beautiful thing
that makes me love American
people, feel more comfortable and
feel there is a strong connection.
YUKI KANI (JAPAN)
After I landed in America,
I found a lot of differences
between Japan, my home country,
and the U.S. Cultural differences
are sometimes hard to under­
stand and adjust to, but also they
can be fun and interesting. My
first impressions of the U.S were
th~t people are noisy and frank.
On the second day after I
started living in the dorm, I
needed to buy a lot of stuff to
lead a life on campus with Gar­
rison, my lovely roommate.
As soon as I got on the Pio
shuttle, I was astonished at the
intense noisiness coming from
students on the bus. Their voices
were too noisy to listen to Garri­
son's story, but I kept pretending
to pay attention to him. (What a
nice roommate I am!) In Japan,
passengers are expected to be
quiet to some degree on any
public vehicle, so this incident
was my first culture shock at
Lewis & Clark. However, I like
having fun with my friends on
the Pio shuttle while talking or
joking now after five months
have passed.
My next impression is people's
frankness, which is also my fa-vorite American (and Portlander)
characteristic. Here in America, we
can pick most things as a topic to
talk with people about.
At first, when I heard direct
words (which I can't write down
here) and touchy topics, I was
embarrassed and worried about
them. However, I realized that
American people are more likely
to be open and ready to talk about
those topics than Japanese people.
This made me feel free to talk
with people.
Also, it's very easy and com­
mon to talk to strangers here
and I think Japanese people tend
to feel pressured too much with
strangers. There is no need to
be scared of strangers too much
because, I believe, most people are
nice and harmless.
I have three months left before
I finish studying at LC. To tell
the truth, these days I am more
motivated toward learning about
American culture and its people
than studying English. (Sorry, all
of my AES teachers.) I want to
explore American culture while
chatting with talkative and unin­
hibited Americans as a student of
LC. Let's go Pios! THE PIONEER LOG APRIL 12, 2013
Tl-iE PIONEERING PUB
WHY TURNING MAGGIE'S INTO
A PUB HAS A LONG WAY TO GO
BY ANTHONY RUIZ
SPORTS EDITOR
The Maggie's Pub soft opening
was anything but. About a dozen
students lined up before· 4 p.m. in
the hopes tl1at they could be some
of the first students to openly and
legally consume alcohol inside of
Maggie's. Greeting students at the
door was a Bon Appetit employee
checking for IDs, h;nding out
wristbands and cross-checking
student names with a separate list
of students presumably provided
by the College. The College is
raking no chances during these
test runs.
As the hands of tl1e clock
crawled close to 4 p.m., a general
buzz filled tl1e air. Energy was in
the room, and most people were
on their feet in anticipation of
seeing a Lewis & Clark first. There
was a student employee so eager
to pour the first drink he had to
be reminded by his boss that no
official purchases could be made
until the top of tl1e hour. When
the time came, students quickly
formed a line with cash and card
in hand, anxiously awaiting their
first drink. Students could choose
between PB R, Mirror Pale Ale,
Pyramid Hefeweizen and wine.
Each beverage cost $4 with the
exception of PBR, which cost $3.
Initially, there was a good deal
of confusion among the employ­
ees when several students paid by
card. There is only a single register
at Maggie's, so employees had to
switch between pouring drinks,
collecting wrist band tabs and
using the register. Since the drinks
were served much farther away
from the register than other items,
it took employees about 30 min­
utes to adjust to the added traffic
and logistical issues.
Dear Virgins, "Prices are about what I
thought they would be," said An­
drew Bontemps ('14). Bontemps
added that he would like to see
more selection that takes advan­
tage of the weirdness that Oregon
has to offer in its craft beers.
After enjoying a Pyramid
Hefeweizen, I caught up with LC's
General Manager for Bon Appetit
Robert "Mac" Lary. Lary said
that the College decided to run
the pub test as a catering event
through Bon Appetit for a couple
of reasons. First, the College does
not currently have the correct
liquor license co have a pub on
campus. Second, the College was
unsure of how students would
react to an on-campus pub. Lary
believes tl1at students will behave
responsibly and see the pub as op­
portunity for students to sit down,
talk and have a beer.
Lary added that future prices
are not determined at this point,
but he did say that these types
of soft openings will help them
test what works and what doesn't. When asked about a lack of
variety, Lary said that they chose
drinks based on what they knew
was within price ranges for
students as well as what they per­
ceived to be items already popular
on campus. Lary also said that
in the future prices will change,
variety will likely increase and,
inevitably, additional food items
will be offered.
Myrecommendation:bring
cash and expect indoor seating to
be scarce. Finally, no, you can not
use your flex points to buy booze.
Dan Beyers purchases a beer at the Maggie's Pub "soft opening"
on Friday, April 5, which served beer and wine to 21 + students.
I hooked up with this guy and he still hasn't sent me a follow-up text! How do I know if I should just keep
instigating the texts or to back off?
xoxo lcgossipgirl
Dear lcgossipgirl,
I heard about the Three Text
Rule from a webseries called
Unicorn Plan It. The rule is
that if you text someone three
times and they don't reply, you
should assume that they don't
want to talk to you. I, on the
other hand (and probably to my
detriment), stand strictly by a
One Text Rule.
I definitely think I could
have gone on more dates with
this one girl last semester if I
had just texted her one or two
more times after she didn't
reply to one of my texts. How­
ever, I want you to think about
this: anxiety.
I mean, I feel like if anyone
can use anxiety as an excuse
it is me. On Pottermore I was
sorted into Gryffindor. I also self-identify as Gryffindor and
I dressed up as Godric Gryf­
findor for Halloween once. So 1
am among the bravest of men.
And if I, a Gryffindor both
in spirit and by the authority
of J.K. Rowling, say that you
should only text this guy back
once because shit is scary, then
you should take my advice.
Sincerely,
Your Most Chaste Lesbian
Dear lcgossipgirl,
Aren't Lewis & Clark stu­
dents supposed to be rabid
feminists? You should make the
first move! He is probably just
as unsure of the situation as
you are, especially if you were
intoxicated before/ during the hook up.
Also, by the way, have you
been in the habit of following
our column this year? If not,
you should know that we have
already addressed the question
of the term "hook up." It is
an extremely difficult to define
term, and one that I prefer not
to mess with. I don't know if
you two made out drunkenly,
had sex sober, or did something
somewhere in between ... Maybe
I shouldn't ask for specifics,
after reading all of those kinky
Missed Connections. I might
get an X-rated answer.
I'd say text him three times
( completely arbitrary number).
If he doesn't reply to any of
chem, then step off.
Sincerely,
Straight Girl APRIL 12, 2013
BY HANNAH PRINCE
PHOTO EDITOR
The Lewis & Clark women's
tennis team had a busy week-
end closing out their Northwest
Conference regular season;
winning their match last Friday
against Lin field 8-1, then crushing
George Fox on Saturday 9-0. The
Pioneers also played a non-Con­
ference match against Division
I team Northern Colorado on
Sunday in their fast home game
of the season. Despite a strong
effort, the women could not close
a victory, losing 9-0.
After a slow start against
Linfield on Friday, the Pioneer
women captured their second win
against the Wildcats this season.
"Linfield is one of our biggest
rival schools;' said player Izzy THE PIONEER LOG
Borris ('13), "so it
take them down." e
Fox the folh,ving d
the women's team their
10th 51=taight l\JWC w·
and the ladies will fini
the season wiith a 12-1
Conference record and
15-3 overall record.
PlayersAurora Gar­
rison ('16) and Gillian
Lowe ('15) won the No.
1 spot in doubles against
both Lin.field and George
Fox. The duo has won
their doubles games 13
times this season, and
beating George Fox
marked their seventh
win in a row. The No.
2 doubles pair, Olivia
Cornell ('lo) and Claudia
Lew ('16), won both of
SEASON AT A GLANCE
OVERALL: 15-4
CONFERENCE: 11-1
CONFERENCE STANDING: 2ND
LONGEST WINNING STREAK: 12
ILLISTRATION BY CAMILLE SHUMANN BY PETER MELLING
STAFF WRITER
I am not the biggest fan of
Division I sports out there. Sure,
I make a bracket every year and
watch a few bowl games, but I re­
ally cannot be bothered to follow
these teams during the regular
season. I get the appeal of it, but
':\have my reasons for enjoying
!\f~fessional sports more than col­
. le'gj\e athletics. It's the dishonesty
\ '\lia\ turns me off in Division I
'i;;or'ts. I\Iow can these institutions
1 . ; • l cJaun to ;educate these athletes
\ J.pe~ mJmy of them are treated
\ Ji%e a,~s4ts and employees?
l l Bbost sconduct has
l i ! /Pfove
!of a frequent source
uption. In one of his
ters to the University of
rru's athletic department, Sports
Illustrated/' Alexander Wolff cited
the antic of Miami booster Nevin
Shapiro/which included providing
pr~spc;ctive athletes with improper
b~.Ae and supplying prosti.-
trite the team (amongst other
. •· / s). While it would seem that
~- '.;Y's actions are an exception,
-::::..,---•~,.r,ire unfortunately common
.-,-,-· 1n college football. The last two
decades are littered with cases of
booster corruption, ranging from
Ed Hansen trying to pay the Uni­
versity of Washington $200,000
in law scholarships so that they their qiatches last we~end as well,
finishing \vith a perfect record
of 15-0 as a duo. Borris and her
teammates are confident going
into Conference in two weeks.
"We've clone better this year than
in years past, and the team is really
solid," she.said. "We're expecting
to at least get to the finals."
Whitman will pose the big-
gest challenge to• the Pioneers in
Conference, as they hold a 10-0
Conference record. Graduating
in May, Borris is the only senior
on the team, and she says she
will definitely miss the team and
the community it provides. At
their match on Sunday, the team
celebrated their last home game
and Borris' last season as an LC
Pioneer. The Pios will be heading
to the NWC Tournament on April
9 to compete for the win. SPORTS 1 1
WOMEN'S TENNIS
WILL HOST THE
NORTHWEST
CONFERENCE
TOURNAMENT ON
would fire their head coach and
athletic director, to Bill Lambert
offering 150 Oklahoma Univer­
sity players money for nothing.
The NCAA plays up the idea that
schools do not intend to make
money off their players, but that is
f~ from the case.
The controversy surround-
ing Johnny Manziel is a notable
example of such a practice. Texas
A&M profits from placing the
name "Johnny Football" on mer­
chandise, yet Manziel will receive
none of the money because of
NCAA rules. A player with Man­
ziel's abilities should not be turned
into a marketing tool and go
uncompensated for the revenue he
is generating for the university. As
far as Texas A&M is concerned,
"Johnny Football" is a market-
ing tool that is separate from the
actual Johnny Manziel's desires
and personal life. This negligent
usage of athletes continues into
academics.
Academic fraud is another
problem that dirties college sports.
Take the recent case of the Uni­
versity of North Carolina's bas­
ketball program, in which athletes
supposedly completed summer
classes without submitting work.
While UNC's program was not
in violation of NCAA rules, it is
still a mark on the university and
a violation of the basic principle of an education institution: to
educate. Under their nose, the
NCAA is letting universities use
athletes as business assets and not
allowing them a proper education.
This is unfortunately a fact that
the NCAA wishes to deny.
Division I college sports,
despite what NCAA presents
them as, are businesses. Players are
business assets which the ath-
letic director, the coaches and the
boosters protect through medical
aid and payment, like any other
professional athlete. However,
the NCAA and the universities
pretend that they do not intend to
run their teams like professional
franchises and businesses.
I prefer professional sports
because the leagues and teams do
not pretend that they are anything
but businesses. Their choices
revolve around investing money
into their product and trying to
improve it to weaken the competi­
tion, and they are happy to admit
it. Division I_ college sports, unlike
Division II or III sports, are run
the same way as professional
sports, and they depend on money
from TV deals, ticket sales and
corporate sponsorships. They are
business and covertly behave as
such. Corruption is not a disease
afflicting the Division I institu­
tions; it is an inherent part of their
continued existence. . . . . . .
12 THE PIONEER LOG APRIL 12, 2013
You Caught My Eye You: Descendant of Homo Antecessor.
Me: Stuck on Homo Erectus.
You: Park a blue '80s muscle car in front ofTempleton every day.
Me: Who·are you?! Let's be friends. You: Creepy computer thief. Editor's pick
Me: You swiped my heart.
You: Island man.
Me: I'll put my palm on your tree.
You: Minnesota sophomore.
Me: I want y0ur goatee on me. You: Like music.
Me: Also a person who likes music. You: Stranger stealing
computers from campus.
Me: Aroused.
You: Looking to divest coal.
You: Said that I have a nice butt. Me: Wanting to make you mine.
Me: Booty-tickled.
Feel free to compliment non-criminals, too. Submit to youcaughtmyeyeLC.blogspot.com
Campus Water:·
Not Vegan
Cougars shitting in our water, and
other atroc·ities
An eyewitness report Where does P.io go·
for the sum.mer?
It's happened. It's official. Finally,
after long years of searching, and
knowing, and being unable to
prove, and searching more, and
still knowing, and searching, and
finding; and realizing finding was
false, and ·searching more .. .I'VE
FOUND IT. Yes, you guessed it! I
finally have proof the government
is poisoning us!
Isn 'nhat great?!
Accusat·ions of governmental
poisoning have been prevalent for
hundred~ of years, at least since
Mesopotamia and, like, ancient
Greece. But despite the passage of
time, no proof was ever found ...
SUSPICIOUS. Now I have
discovered the truth, and there's
not a single Mesopotamian Witch
Doctor or Ancient Greek Pillow­
Suffocator left in the world to
silence me!
How ironic that my discovery
should come during an event host­
ed by the very institution holding
us under its poisonous sway! Poi­
sonous ... way ... Poisonousway ...
nevermind. Anyway! Irony! I was
on a College Outdoors trip to the
beautiful Bull Run Watershed. Oh,
you know, only the source of all
liquid sustenance for the Portland
area! And <lo you know what I
saw? Not even an Ancient Greek
Story-Describer can describe my
horror when, cresting the hill
above the Watershed, I was met
with nothing but a disgusting
LAKE. There were like, cougars
taking shits into it! That means
the water is not only poisonous,
but also NOT VEGAN! Portland
is the best place in the universe,
so what are we doing drinking
this stuff!? What happened to the
waterSHED?! I'll tell you what
happened! The college adminis­
tration is what!
I've been drinking only what
I can catch in my cat's food dish
for weeks so you know rpy mind
is clear of the poisons when I tell
you to throw off the chains of
poisonous oppression! Poisonop­
pressioh! In other news my cat
has starved!
Worth-it! Hey little college student, have you ever wondered whe_re our husky dogball of a mascot goes
over the summer?· Because you know we can't k~ep him at school! That would be too silly.
Well, it's your lucky day, because I'm here to tell you where he goes!
Over the summer, Pio goes where all dogs go. He flies North. Forever. We let him walk
around during graduation1 then after everybody leaves, we administer a heavy dose of LSD
and throw him on a plane to Canada. This may seem a little weird, but allow me to explain.
Dog food is expensive, so our school's financial board did a cost-benefit analysis of
what they called "The Pio Problem," and determined we can save money by considering Pio
a disposable resource. In other words, it is cheaper to dump the old Pio in Canada and buy a
new Pio at the beginning of next year than it is to maintain Pio over the summer.*
So at the begjnning of every school year we just buy another black Newfoundland. We
say, "Hey look, Pio's back!" and then the cycle restarts. Nobody ever notices!
Whelp, there's that. lffor some reason you want to save Pio, just remember we're doing
this to save money. Also, the current Pio is racist. Plus, every year, certain lucky people on a
certain plane to Canada get to hang out with a hallucinating Newfoundland. Don't deprive
them of that. Also, the current Pio is a dick. Anyways, if you found this financial expose in­
teresting, then be on the lookout for another upcoming article titled "Coal Appetit: The tasty
story behind why we invest so much money into coal industries."
*We are legally required to note that this isn't the real reason. We didn't actually do a cost-benefit analysis. Pio just gets really
racist by the end of every year, and we always have a lot of leftover LSD.
Local Lingo A guide to slangyou mqy or mqy not
hear around campus
Mub(mgb)
noun 1. Maggie's pub.
I can't wait until the Mub opens!
2. A non-descript cuss word often heard at and around Maggie's Pub, uttered
with in~eased frequenry after three drinks.
-Sir, I'm sorry, but you've already had three drinks.
-Oh you think I'm mubbed up? Mub you! I'll show you mubbed up, you mother mubing piece of mub!
-Jesus Mub, calm the mub down!
Alternate forms: Mubbed, mubbing, mubber, etc.
Expressions: Mub off, I mub you, Mub you later, What's mub?
Has officially given up on making
friends.
1. Guy sitting alone
8. Bon-guy who orders Bananas
Bananas are 49 cents a pound,
why can't we have them?
Yeah.
2. Humanities Seniors
7. IA Department
Symposium's over, back to 180-page essays compar­
ing the New York Times crossword to USA Today's. The March Madness of not caring.
Champion Getting drunk for fun, and spite.
3. Rejected R.A.'s
.6. Beyond NSO
Where have yo_u been since October?
Presidency too much work?
4. ASLC-ers not
named Callie Rice
5. Investment Club
Are you rich yet?
ail your completed bracket to MSC 2111. As always, there's a 200 iTunes card for the
orrect bracket. If no one decides to send in a 6racket again this year, we will just award
e $200 iTunes card to the 'Kony 2013' campaign.
Backdoor is a work of humor and fiction, created by Isaac, Caitlin, Kevin, David, Justin & Jake.'
Contact the editor at jakesimonds@lclark.edu to have the jokes explained. i