Lewis & Clark College

The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College's Student-Run Newspaper

Volume 69, Number 22

Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper

Pioneer Log Staff

2005-04-01

pdf

newspaper

For questions about rights statements, or access to the original document please contact Lewis & Clark College Special Collections and Archives http://specialcollections.lclark.edu
http://rightsstatements.org/vocab/InC/1.0/

Lewis & Clark College: Pioneer Log / Mossy Log

Lewis and Oork's Srudenl-lun Newspaper >> Selected Eledion Write-Ins! Poge 4!
l]ffle lPtiID(ilee.r lb~m
April 15, 2005 Vol. 69. ks. 22 >> Zebro and Antelope Sex! Page 7!
>> Lego Club Builds Stuff! Poge 8!
>> Random CD Reviews! Page 9!
>> Yoga Freaks! Poge 11 !
Teacher Votes for ~SlC officers are counted
of the
Year
named
Pamplin Society an­
nounces Andrew Cortell
as the Teacher of the
Year during award cer­
emony on Wednesday
by Abl Kurfman
Lewis & Oark's Tcach<r of
the Yt:tr is Andtt"' Condi, As­
Sl5tant Pn>rcs..or Qf lntcrtuUQn.,l
Affairs Aflcr ~ mulll-l3ycred
pmccs,, of \\,tlKJ,ln_g rtcOmmcn•
d.ulMS. Conell Wlb •nnounccd
the Mnncr .,r this P.1mphn Socl­
<l)' ""'olrd on \\'cdncoday. April
13 ,u the aw;ud ceremony
On receipt or hl5 award. Cor­
tdl "'.lS 0$kctl tn sptak bndl)'
M) chs..= .m spcl.'Ul 10 me
btt.lllS<' 11<>,c \\hJI I di> bm 1h.­
!11udnilS JI l.twls & Cl.inc 111,11«,
II ~u \\Onll"' hll,. he "'Id It,
111)' pl~u•t ll• bc 311 os.t~1um
proft,oor •• Lewis & Oark
A ,iudtnt 1nt roductd each of
the nomu~ before the hn;il •n•
nounccmcm NKk \\t1alcr ro,,
~puke .1h<,u1 C<1ncll before. the
aw:ird w:1s gh~n I think hes .111
ld~I llbcr:il .1ns collciie profes­
!Or bcau.,c hes 1><11 h a df\·otcd
:sch<>l•r. J dcv01cd 1e:1<:htr ,md
SEE 1"EACIE!l' PAGE J by Abl Kurfman
lasl \<Uk$ ASLC general clcc-
1lon brnugh1 in \·Pits from nc.irly
half or the l.twts & Clurk student
bucly, up from nbou1 :500 voccs
lu5t ~r ASLC Pres1dtnL-clec1
James Atlan C06) said ·one or
th~ most cxcillng 1Jno&5' obout
the ekctlon was Lhc larx,e votrr
1umou1
-,,JYJthy IU~ diJlctrued 3 IOI
dunng the aimp:ilgn: 5;11d Ex­
<CUII\~ Vite P=1den1-clte1 Rlmt
Toium 1'06), but 1hc number ol vote" 0lndtai1ts the problem'!.
not .,, ~-ere ., people 1h1nk
The )C:lr Im been • dynamlt
one for ASLC overall Along wuh
an mcrcasr m \'Olr.r 1umoul.
ASLC hns passed the new bylaws.
tnstnung 1he Acuvutes Congress
The rcecntly cl<'Clcd ~udcnt
government katler, will need 10
~~bhsh the Al.11vl1lo Congress
and grapple wuh 1M budl!(t cn­
sls, while "'<irking on the \Jrl()O>
propos.1\s 1ha1 1hcu platfo~
rr5t<d '"' The elected officJllb
appear 10 11:,,.., • cnhcs,,.., vision for next ye:ar. seeking soluumu
10 sc,-crnl specific prublc"'-' ond
aiming tn onS\\~r the qutSllon
•How an student go,·tmmrnt
bcuer scn-e 1he siudcnts on tins
c:tmpusr Atkm s:11d.
In rc~rd 10 the Ac11v1ttts
Congr,ss Tutum said. ·we tu,~
to give 1hcm as much llcxtbllll)'
,IS pl)SS!blc so thq can figure out
how Ill work dTcetlvdy. He "'II
be 011c11cJ1ng mcc11ns, a;. J rep•
re,c,m.111\.., until the ,nd of the
)'eOT, ond w1U t.'lkc tlml knowl­
edge nbou1 the system ond opply 11 1n the 2005-2006 Khool year
The elected officials ~re hope­
fol about the 1mp:,tt the Alllvl·
ucs Congiess will lu,-e ·we·re
hoping the quality al ""'"lS will
go up bccnusc 1hcrei, more peo­
ple 10 help and more people 10
contnbutc lde:15." said Tn1um
Jon O,ing ('06), who will
return as VP of Student Orga·
nimtlons. plnn., 10 l'adl,uue net•
working between clubs 11> plan
brg< t\'(1115. such .tS Paul Rusc­
salxig,nn~ speech this St'mesm.
SEE 'al:COOHS • !',\GE 2
Students vote to ask administration to
increase fees, budget shortfall persists
by Leandra Bomstoln
U)I wa:k .m o,-erwh,,lmtng
71'1., of studcm., n>ecd In ap­
pl'O\-ul nf the • I 'l> studcm f<'t'
IOCffllSC hl mcrc:,sc funds :is a
rcspollliC In the sh<1nfall ,n the
2005-2.006 studrru groups bud­
i;c1 ~ s1l'Qllg -,ho" .,r suppon
fmm !he studm1 bcid)• pt'O\ ,des
th.: preoldcnt ol ASL(. -..llh <ig•
m6c.int IC\·cmg,e for ncgt,mung
With thl ,1dm1n1su,11u,n M hCI\\
10 pm·ent such shonnges In 1ht
future An)' benefits from 1he •P·
Pnl\"'d student fee 1nac,ise "'II
opum.11ly 1,1kt 1wo ,,,.,rs "' pass
,111d becumc dfrcth·c .• 1<cordtng
1,, ,,uig<1mg Vt« Prcs1dtm i,I
Budget and fln.1n.:e. DuMcin Li111
('07\ \\111lc ASI.C President clc,1
Janics Atkin ('06) looks Jt fmu,e pnsstbilhlcs for dahng wnh tht
fuodmg ol Student organltllllons
VPBf la"' ts locusmg on rcsolv•
mg the current budget cnslS he-wt1rk wilh J ·pretty ln<Ohcr­
cnt" fundrn1slng pollc)•, Jnd 1hc
ChJnn ,mt.I Bud.,-ctmg Comm,1-
ICC 1CBC) will conunuc =kmg
"At LC we have so many more events
and acrivicies rhan any other college. We
have ac lease one or two evenrs a night.
That ro me is incredibly impressive and
says a lor about the college."
-Dawson Law ('07)
lmt 1hc end or I ht $<ell1C>IU
la" h.JS 1Jcn1tfml '"'' •:~)'S 10
mo!,.., 1he b,1dgc1 rnsls Student
group, c:m meet t~lr budget
rtqu1re1nro1s 1hruugh fundr.tb­
tng tlwugh the)· will l111,c 111 cuis 10 SI udcm groups propo«'<I
bud1,-cts III order to submit• bal-
11n<t'd budget 1-1" rcpons. 0All
siudl'nt gn>UJI' -..111 be in ...:,me
way Jffc,1ctl IGn.1ups .,rel upct•
Jllng al their minimum b11dg;1 We11 ha\t 10 go bclu"' m111111111m.
bcaiu.sc WC\( Liken 0111 l"\'CI)'
1h,ng else that ,.r c:in
On \\'1:lncsdoy C\'COIOR. Law
brou!lht • second budgrt before
the ASIC Executl\1' Counctl Biter
last "'<tk'!s unb-.1!.tnttd bwlgtt
WM re~td bcGu.sc of. dl<Cn'-p­
anq t1f ncarl)• S,0.000 bc1"'"'"
money th.it ,1ude111 gn.1ups re
qutstcd ,md wh.u >111dcm fc,,~
could pro,·1dc
While La" oolanccs this )"r,tr\
budge1, Atkin Mil be 1akmg ,he
resullS of 1hc student fee rcftr­
cndum 10 l'romst Jane Atklnsou
•ntl th, Boord or Tnt5ttcs. Atlun
saf~ 1hl1 the com mu nit)·, ~up•
pon for thc referendum ·gl\'CS
,-\SLC. the go i111C.ld 10 ,ppm.,cl,
the Bo.in.I of ffUSl«s • Atkin dir
SEE1!UOG£t'PAGEl ~-s-Pi-on_e_e_r -r-----N ews-----­
Log
IIIJcs 8Uh"IY M'O TWICIY llillD:
8'M ftA1t<11t\AM'I Eni~'< SKl,,l
PORK• 1111 Pro: AN'<-' RQOCLn
D.un Duck: C,m,mr Wl<1Q11
T ..s,••..w, DMt: Aa kUIJMAN Old and new concerns discussed at
''Meet your Janitor'' forum Saturday
O"-"'0,ao rtOG ""° CA'lf: v~
IUISIN(,()IN'l.>8tc.'V'°""
YOS01nc SM,: Br"~ FcATIUS
k-9 1111 MA1TIAN Ooo: W•llfN
VAwt,1
RON>«UlolNB: WH MANN,
Owe 8UOl, S,..-.. POUACH, l!­
""'OltA BcRHSmN, lurt BJ!K'.GS,
Snrw,N•I 81t('Hf", L&Dv Atrua,
SllKAA )INIJNS, A,,1B£• ~
W1Lc E. CoYon: EuZAIICTH
Milli~, NMHAN HOOlt>, s-.
0($.,Mll-.O
CIANNT: RlllfCCA CotOSC>l\110I,
5,.., STICUR, SH>J<NOt4 8AAOV
Pr,c Lr Pew: BKn HA,u,
SnPHAN 1 81t0ll.,..
S>"LVtSTB: Been H;.m
MMv1N 1111 MAanAA: E111""
S10,.1
THI ~ tor. lflt\1\ fU H(lltM rHl
""",.. & c""""" cow- .i,~ ""'&%no
C0NC'tlJloS 11)\11ot•A Wt vtt.~•1
no 10 r.• , .... .....u ~•l-C-'ltt .-.va,..
w:>MOln Wlt:'0"°1~"-11
M.\f.OOMI~ Clt"iffl, "'UN Janitors discussed
problems they have
had and students
asked questions about
previous problems al a
forum held at the Co­
op on Saturday, April
10
by Sierra Jenkins
About 30 mrmh< I'$ t1l 1 he
LC Cllmmunll)' gruhtn:d In 1h~
Co-,;,p on S.1urtU)'. Including
>1udcn1> und ouS1od1JI >l.lfl
Pnd thtlr lomJIIQ, 10 e.11, $<>­
aah=c and discu.s, any pn,b.
lcms that ,he clcumn1,t ..uill
lud c,qxnen,-ed Ludy Afu:r
J etSU,tl meet Jnd gn:M. com­
mullltf tonnec11ons coon:lin3,
tllr U: Fu.ssdl ("6) i1<.1hwta:I
J mort formnl d, ... -u,oon, w11h
Ya,,nUllll Neu,tilclal I ll6) 11:uu­
lnung bc111ccn Cngll'lh Jnd
Sp.>ntsh
Some of 1bc rewmng prob­
lems mrnnancd
A1hlc1r, lhr<>Wrng their 10,
bJgs in 1hc 1m,h cJn,, wh1d1
th<n mdt and mu.kc lhc trah
hca"y .md dtlflCUh 10 u,kr out TPS5 1l1<e l(t In th< sink 10 rnch
-rNplc nOt llu~h•ni: ah.· 1,~-
11•1, ll 11\ ydlo,,, lei II tn<ll1>w •
b ..cttpti>bk t<> J <(naln ,·Xlrm.
bu1 ••ktng 11 100 for roulu. m
101kti 1lu1 1n-mntc dllfi~uh to
clan. 11<1t 111 mcnnun m1olcruhk
odo"
People punl~ 1hc1r pt'l'SoN>I
u:,,h in the rommwul ~11chrn or
b.tlhl\l(>ffl tr.ull..JI\$ 11111\tt lhJI\
-.alktng II oul 10 the durn~<t
The commun~I ,,...~h g,u so
heavy thJI 1hc j\lllllor>-•onmlmcs
«n) Ollt)' II
• People npplng dow11 S!gll$
tlut have l.>N:n put up as mmnd­
crs of th& sora or problems.
Many &1u1kn1s "''"' 1n1crc,,t­
cd In tlu, ~luuoo of prc,•1nu,
probl<ms such ilS the ''"'""°~
frus1r:illoll$ w11h 1hc1r man.,g,er
.md v. 1th l'1IOI Ix-mg •h\r 10 p•rk
()fl (;IJIIJ)\l!i WI sembll!f
The women >.IUI 1hat Ihm
111G1ugcr "' domg ~ l111lc bctt<r
smcc he wv m;u:k 10 11tkc an­
g,:l'm,nu1gcmcm ,I=. but WI
there •te >10! pnibl,m» Tiiq• .u~
<up~d to ull m 48 hour. In
ad,•r~ 11 the)' art g,,1ng 10 m~
work wh1d1 Is 111\J'°""blc wh;n
C111etifl~10t. UMM.rn .. -,tj 0tu.,,u,.
\\\hr.\,,. IDCtff 10~-u,q ,o....,_l EI t • ~=~::ff~:-,_ ec ions: special
elections results o 11• ~" loc.
Acl-tlffnl'4""ff. ltHllt« 10 ttti fotn.
N.n k-tDllll.\i~ OU w:n -.fa '-.,_'t'
ltfUC"f t•• ~ <-tHI ,-.,.,..U Loe.
oo """ I, c.-Gac<1a \Vt -,U-'l)t,"11: 'Cb.M t,l, M,ft. 06 ADU.
S't\lOl .. fl ..,.....,,,nsl:li YO lHI lDUOll lll()lrili
..,..\U"'-... lnnt, to,..'°''"" ~4;1
M:l.uta M.-HOI', "¥,II( •••cu,o,,, ~
jilt-' Jo-\\,,C'.\.IW,,._ """'°"), Wf) Jr,Ol l'S1 • ,.,.,m ro 400 YIOlt:P', , .,.., .,.
• £l•m:>•otmtr.a~ "'°'°""°'
t."Ot,,W1t_"I.A,to,..._ .... So,o ~til('.I
f' ....-, r~Oll t1tf'J-.o,,,ic- M.4111 ,07
T•• ~JIUX..
Ol>ISSIVP .. ,.,,. H•• Ru
MSC 121 .,.,., ........ oa 91119
.. _ l'IOJI 7~11~6
l -""'a,;Qon.w. RI\/
,111rJ/wv.w.lU4• rw -~oc
TH, ,IOM.11 l.ot."'' NCJIO I\ -­
\flO"'il ...
., .... l'OttNtl I ""' IUl't'
WIHI NOIIIM-$0(\IINO
l'()TTN(Y. I HAVE IAKIN
l'IIOllllM-SOI.VING Vv.c;RA."
• Ct()II(;( AUSTIN
W1\At UtitOCI nuu nu,r,ie u.o l'Ol.._ ,....,,,oa Ml 01'1 lHtd (w.,i H ,o
..._c,c0tONUOU. S,o..t1 ttt.HC\ !\Kl
,,_lt0101t HIAao.. COIIT1M.IED fllOl,1 PAGE I
whrch ·a hunch of clubs pitched
In for• 1-!Js m1cgmuon appro:ich,
10 ·,ncn,;i,,e the dfic,cncy or bow
dubs work. ni1gh1 help C,15< 1lw,
triJ>pllng budget cruntlt <Wdcn1
groups Catt nr.xt )'C3<. In a bn»d·
er pc:r.p«ll\'C, Clung wtll be
working .,,,h sc,·eml other ASLC.
office~ a1u,mpung 10 esiabhsh .1
student cndowm,nr
A1km ,,..es the budgt1 delior as
• problem, bu1 also rccogn1;:e,, 1hc
m.1rktr or Sludem IR\'Ol\'cmcm
11 rcprescnas Olhcr schools who
fund lh<ir SIUM.DI groups withoul
~ktung ..... m,111'< recs de, ""
\'IJI ,m ntdownw,m, Jnd he IS lwp•
1ng to e>1Jblbh on• here fhrrel.
nUI mill)· rite 1nfra<m1c11uc JI 1lt1,
point, he s;11d, bur 1hc c<1unc1I h
doggedly pur.,umg rhas potcnllal
long term soluuon 10 fond mg SIU•
ucm group,.
TI1c ldel 15 1h.l1 alumni arc
re.pon,h'c 10 hc3nog .,bou, stu­
di:m 1m·oh-cmcn1 ,nd pulling
their m<>ney d1rc<1ly lmu ah.~
s1udcn1 81\IIIP> 1h•1 an, ~ a.11,·c
ngh1 no\\, JS opfl<l«'d 10 <l1>na1lng
10 1hc gcnrml fund One al 11..,
rnmplc,mlcs .,r this solullon IS the
nrcd "' no, step on 1hc II.IC>· of
111<! 11,wim:rauon 1ha1 aln::id) col­
kos d,,r1.11101t>
Brt,lg<t Hudson COTI. the
VP-drtt nf 8ud8','t ~nd Fin.inn,,
plans 10 folll,w rhc 1de.1 ol lum:111
VPBF 0-JMOn U)\\ ('07) creallng
a pJS(' on 1hc v.-tbs11c for g1,,ng
10 the gcnrml fund liutbon IS In
UI\\ 's IUltlllg<' currmaly, IC(lmlng
2 rhc Pioneer Log, April 15. 2005 m1'l'C Jboul lw,1 IIC\\ pos111on
The ocher newly d«t«I offi­
c1:lls ~.,,. Meredhh Pncc ('07) as
VP of Student Acudcm1c Affair•
•nd ChJrhc 81.tekmnr ('06) M
Chitf JUSIJC\'
I was pl<4Setl 1lut .llth11ugh
I bJ,ed my ampa1gn .1muntl
humor.· ,;.,id 81:w:krmr, who mn
under a ,1~111 of Gum11CS.< and
Ju.lice, 'S1uden1s r.1111 fch Ill wJS
qwhlicd to hc Chlrf Jusucc.
81.ckll\llr, conurru also center
around Studem nj\hrs •nd 1hc
1r:msi111>n 10 t.lic new byfaws
The electron of the ne\\ VP of
Communll)' Rebtlons v.•.15 fuwl>·
decl~d \ln Thur.i<lay m1>m1ng
•ftA:r che Sf>Ct131 run-oil" clCC1illn
M.111 Eh1'1113n ('06) v.~ elected
1<1 tht pos1non with 62'b of the
,01c Ahh1111gh then, ,_..,.., not .u
many os In the pnmary clca1on
;, wud Pl 355 Studcnrs voted
·1 feel prcll)' jiOOd • s;ud Eh­
mwt when he w.1s 111fom1<d of
hlS dtcllon He \\"3:5 •cxattd for
rhc opponunl1y 10 stT'V< rin 1hc
,\SI. C Exccu1h e Counce I nnd 10
be un ,,d,·oc,11r [t,r >1udcm m•
ICrcob
Ahhough there arc 3 \'3nety of
issue,, ASI.C will face :rnd mmy
dw,cs for VP of Communny Rc-
1.lnons. Ehrman s;i1d hts pnmary
11.1\.--us \\111 be-·10 m,,ke 1hr web­
sue a rcsoucu: for <i.udenrs· .o
1ha1 ·pcopk kM\\ hl"'W lhdr SIU•
dcm fm an, being ,pcm and .,~
mon: 111 1011<h ,. uh ASI.C.. The
tllcrm «munucs 10 be conncc1-
mg studcnu; 10 ASLC tru:1• ot .a thJ.ld wnics down with
rht: fill m • n1;111<r o{ hours Uu,
romp:1n) dCJn no1 gwc thrm ·'")
,tc:k W)'S w If 1h11 mis, ""'"•
Ille)' lt'5C 1hrlr kw , ,IOllon d.,y,
I l,ctr hN )Cllt, In.-) "'<<l\'C 1111<
-.«~ of ,-icm,m, ~fu,r 1hJ1 1h,1•
rcc.-1,T 11 dJys, no IIIJll(I ho\\
lung the) v.ork ,u Slcyluv n,q, h.l\c aned 10 1nkc s..>mc
.,{ th= probkm, tu 1hrsr union,
1hc S..nicc EmplO\<o ln1cnu­
unn.'\I Un1(111 <SCIU), bu1 1hctr
union rtprcsen1~u,1: h.,s no1 bttn
J1\S\\cnng hi-1 ph<mc "' tailing
them b.ick fll»<ll r..11d 11~11 she
w<>uld comllCl the union .,hour
1hts pmbkm n .. \\Omen said WI rhcrr cm­
plO)n Sk)'hnt J.1n1111nJI Scn,ce.
a. """ p.,yln& for 011-umpu,
p;ukinl\ p-w san,,.ic,, lh<
J•nun~ \\Trc rn,a gh,:n p,1;,s,,und
lud II> p.irk JI the churclr d<1" n
1hc ro.ld, fn,m which 1hey w,n,
shuukd 10 s.hool me .tiunhng
c,'l.i 1iu, wc,cnrn both umc •nd
monc)', booi"5C 1hcy of1cn had
10 p.1y tMm for p,ckllljl 1hm chll•
drcn up b1e from d.iinrc
Ilic)' 531d 1h,1 1hr jJnuor
v.h,-.c pur5< v,a,< <l<>l<n 1.1>1 .,, n,('$1,·r lus rCC<luprd her
S500, ali.inI.s 1n th~ fund
r.i•srng vf studems, but t11n1
the culpm .ind u11~1ul n11,r1,
ry v.-cn: ,.,, er foond Thq
n<> longer le:a,-c 1hr1r ()llrsts
,n 1hc lollll)\C hUI loci( them
en I dt'5Cf. which 1ht.1· s,ud
..,mconc h.id nbo rned 10
bre:ir ,mo
On J poslll\'C nOI< In<
wmncn S11ld ah,: E.ngliih
d.1.-gtvtn b) studc111s
v. ere go111g wcll One Co-.>r
member IS crytng Sl'I ,hey e:in
"'l)illllU lht cl.we,, W COO•
llnuc 1ht., 5ummcr Tu,hcrs
,re ~lw;&)~ nc<'Ot'd r usscll ~oo >.ud rlu1
50mt studcnis ;in: l0<•lanA
11110 pu,Jung ,1 I.Mng W~c
Ulttlp.1111" for I C cmpht>«s
,;c>nlnl(lcd or othcrwlSc. end
,Ire m IIIC earl) sta1,'ell .. r II\·
,-.,si1g;i11on If f<I\I ate 1m~1-
01ed tn helping wuh an) of
,~ progmms or""'" m1>1c
1nfo1m.11lon, COntll\'11.&:: rus­
scJI a1 fusscll®td.1rk t<lu
lnfo1111JJU()fl on 1hr Co­
op K ,Muuble Ill hup://
WW\\ kw.rk.tdu/--to.,p
Dean candidates
'B' and 'C' visit
by Stephanie Beeohem
Th~ ..,.,ch for Lewis & Cbrk
College, new Dcun conunucd 1h1S
pas1 wttk us 0111d1da1e5 B and C
,1s11ed the cmnpus. Cnnd,d!ltt B,
,, hi.,1or1an fmm 1he Unh'tl'Slty ol
Dc\a ... m:. ,uned c:.1mpus on rn.
d.w. Apnl 8, •nil C.u11hd.11< C, 3
k'ICnllSI from lla,·crford Collet;<,
,,,lttd on M11nd•i-Apnl 11 &>ah
amd1du1es •p,·n1 1licrr cb)·•loog kngn m ltbcral .,rts instllu11ons."
Cundlt.l,nr 8 ,.11d ·such "" find·
Ing • b;tlan~c bctwi:tn VOCJ11l1'lnlll
1mlnlng and Ilk .-,I the mind But
the b1gge,,1 dulknge "5 ems, as
11 soonds, ts monc)', The endow
mtnl IS kq· .•
1 lcr ,·1>1011 For LC mdudcs
·1mpronng the ,isibllhy md SllU
urc ,,r 1hr collcgt· and ·gmng rile
Students and l:icuh)· .md staff •
real 1<-<1[ ov. OCM,hip w11h 1hc
,1s,a. ,spc:,k•
Ing ""h
students
fa..:uhy, and
'1all" In Al­
b.lny Quad­
mnglc
Can d t •
d.11c B has a
ltmg hiSIOI)
of l>dmtni,,.
r1111h't" and
ocodc1111c "I have cwo main goals
for chis college: co bring
in money, and co fa­
cilitate conversation
becween students, fac­
ulty and staff." whoot • Shf
described
\1.SIOll ns
hu pnma')'
Mceng1h
·r111 good
al 5«tng the
big p1t1ure;
~he said
Cmdlwitr
C v.3:, lx>m
.md r.11>cd In
llr.L':11. an<l 1> -Candidate C
cxpcnencc tn large re5e:111:h In•
st.iruuoru. Cumntl) she ,;.,n·cs
""tlu-d1,1lr llf 1he hlSIOI)' dcp;,n,
mcm a, Drbw;1re In JJd1111>n 10
bMng J full history profcss.,r Sitt
Liuglts \\h<n !IOITICOT\r n:.ks her
,bou1 her spc,uhr as a hlm•nan
·1 lm,:mcd m) ,iwn r ... td-tlw
Hl;tnry of Aging. When )'OU In•
\'tlll your awn field, no nnc c;ln
1tll you )'OU re wrong: sh< sud
M'1n)' st.ill qutsuons v.crc d1-
lt\:tt<I 31 h,r VIS!'-'" for ~ ~111•11
S<:honl ,<U<:h l.< I C. be.:au"' her
Upt'r1encc IS gn,undt<I pnnLirtl)
In larger 1nsthu11ons
There arc tru of m<>Ckm du\-a fim gmc,r.mon collegf studcm
In his lam1li-. I k mcwi:d to 1hr
Urutcd Slu1cs when II<-v.,\S 17
and b<crul1t ln1n1,'UCtl by the po,,
SlhillUes of 3Cttntc lit rumllll)
SCl'\'CS (\$ " pru!cssc,r ol 5<etc11ec JI
Haverford College 11 ,null h~ml
Jn, IM1.11u11t>n in rcnns)·ll·unia
•t hJ1Vc 1wa m,ln gNls for
1h1s ('(tllcgc," he ... ,,d •To bnng
In mo~ .. 1nd 10 fac1h101c con•
,·crsauon between Mu<knas. bc­
uhr and stnll" His ,,sron crlllrrs
;uuund a c:ipnal c,mp;ug11 tli.u
_.,,ult! 11\Cl'l"N 1hc roda-.,11cn1
•nd nllo1, 1lu-college 10 build or
SEE 1lEAN • PAGE 3 News
Teacher: students
gave speeches about
each candidate
C()ffTINUEl) FROM PIIGE I
• de,01w rounstlt1r: '-lid \\'(I·
;,Irr • As bnlllant or ii xholilr a>
he 1s. he, C'l'Cn nwrc a bnlh.1n1
1c.ichcr
I he ccn.'tnom honon:d ,n
!,w of the fin.,1 nom1!l<'es On,,
or ti~ siuJcms who h.ld wriuon
• lell<r "' Sllppon •pnke i,n b(,.
roU of cru.h professor. cxp\J1n1ng
"h) his u, he, profes;(tt dntMd
1hc '""rd &gmnmg w11h &nJ•·
mm \\'blel'ch. pmfCSS<lt of hb­
loT); • student ga~< a bnd speech
bnmmmg ,.,,h warm pmsc and
humorous 11nccdo1es for each
professor.
xruor D.in S:lndrrm.111. who
lntrodllttd Nltk Smith, a pro­
fessor In thc philosophy depan­
mcnt $llld, "Ntck expc<l5 nothing
hut cxce!Jcnrc from his Slwknts,
ilnd studcms really 1menullzc
that cxpcclllllon • S.1ndcrman
ended ht> 5pc«h wuh II moving
momnn ·Nick 1s quu.c s,mpl)
Budget:
e • -cr1s1s
COll1'tlU£DfROl,ll¥,GEI
ciwcd the po1cn11.1I of !ht
Boilrd appM1ng the In•
CTC"5C In Studem fo~ citing
,,.orca 11fforcd to outgoing
ASLC Prcsidcm. L:md,m
M:iscar.anc: ('l)Sl. Tht
Board IS wtllinR ii ~udmts
Jtc willing.·
Th.-Board of T nult't'>
h.u 1hc fin:il word QR htlw
1hc cc>lltgcs funds .,re dts-
1nb111ed The Ba.ml ts .1150
ICSJ)O!l>1blc for ASl,O cur­
rent ·sellll•endowmcm, as
d~nbcd by the LC BUSI•
ntss Office Other school$
ha1·• l•rger tndowmtnl!I
.,nJ fc,.<r studt'lll fees," rc­
marks A1lun ·w.:·rc !(>Ok•
Ing a1 that as a long-term
opuon Allnn ~med 111
191 r pn:fmm-t 10 the pos•
<1b1h1y of an tndowmcn1
or a lump sum or l'un<li
1001 would be used and
llllon.cd 011:r :m e~t.cnd~
pcrlOd
l..lw -srt<S 111.u rut m
tlowmcnt !or siudcnt group
funds "ould be Ideal. but
much like th<\ $1udcn1 r«
reftn:ndum, 11 dQct, lmle
for the cumnt crub lo re­
spon>e 10 siudcnts cnlbu­
S1;1Sm 10 Sliln and fund Siu
dem groups. Ltw cxprcss,s
st!ICl'rc opumlsm. "Al LC
V.C rul\C "4 lllJD)' ITlOIC
cvcnl!I und :ic11\11i<> th•n
,ny 1>1hcr college. \\e lu-c
ill L:.i.,1 one or'"" e1,ms •
ntg/11 1 h.11 10 me Is 1nrnd-
1hl) 1mp~l\c and "'')" J
lot nbou1 the collrg< the 1ei.;her ,1f nt)' 1,rc: ,.., s;itd.
lhc Tc,ichernfthc Yearnoml•
nces .di lud ., re<Cglltl!llblc and
11n11>wl cunnecuon and com•
mttmcnt to siudcnts, bo1h ,1$
5ChLlLar., .,nd 115 huna,n bcmi;,
Orta Md>oruil\h, msuuaor to
music, ".isnonun.ucd ,n pan bt­
c.,usc of he, oblht)· t<l 'hndge the
113-1> bc1wttn lilling the •tole of
'mcl\lllr' .and 1hc wlc 1>! ·P"rson
)'OU admuc und rc~pcc1-as well
.is the role ol pccr, >,1td R}~n Lid­
ster ('06). who ,mnxlu,-cd her
The fl\'e pmfessors a1 1hc ccr•
tmony an, toch the kind who
g()(S beyond wha1 ts rcqu,n,d
and make • subsmnual ,mpaci
on siudents ·My ~ollcge tX•
p,rleMt would not haw bttn
netrly ns good as It was wilhou1
Jcrush• IDc1wctlcr-llcddl, as­
stsunt profes50r 11r p)'SChologyl
And I'm sun, 1rui1li 1rue ol mnny
other S1ud~1i.: said Zocy Cro­
nin ('05), --­ Members of Lewis & Clartt'a Model United Natlona (MUN) team met a representative
from Myanmar during a trip to Naw York over aprfng btNk. This Friday, five mem•
bers of MUN will go to San Franc;lsco, Calif. to particlpalll In the 55"' annual -•ion
of Model United Nations Far West The theme of this year·• conference la "Rebalanc­
ing the Global Agenda." LC will be representing Brazil, with Clay Eaton ('06) on the
Security Council, Baka Feathers ('06) on the UN Environmental Programme, '--Jlle
Briggs ('07) on the General Assembly Second Committee, Becky Hayes ('07) on
the General Assembly Plenary Committee and Jon Ching ('07) on the International
Atomic Energy Association.
Five professors retire in May Dean:
search by Amber Case
fl\·c Lt:wi, E: CLrk profr-.sors
will mine at w tnd of thb )-Ur
R.1nging rrom Jnisls 1n maihcnu­
Ucians, tlte<e prort=ll h.1vc lead
ltvc> or great prestige ond ac:com­
phshrncm The fil'c rcum,s an:
SIC\\un Buc11ncr (An l·hstoryl,
MOn,i:n Aon (Spanish Ltngu,g(!
ond IJ1cmrn~). Hol''C)' Schm1d1
(Mathern.mes), Bruce, West
{S.ulpturc) lllld Ph)•llls Yes (An)
Stew.in Bue11ner co~entr.at<d
his studies ,n the tras /tmLn1nas. She wro1e • book
o,llcd St1t111ru of S1/wr S,, Cun•
ttmf"'tdt\< \\~mtn lll1tn~ /n.im
AIJ:"nrina ,n 1995. She rcttt~
her Ph.D Ill Ju,rn.,net Langwgcs
& IJ1cm1um< from the Unll·eml)
of Orci,'On
1-Lu~ey J Sd11ntdl Jt spccwl-
1:.cd In the SIUd}' or hlj\h lc\'cl
1nn1hcmo11a1I theory 5uch llS
numbc,c 1hcof)', absuact ~lgcbra.
finne groups Jnd combuu1or•
10 NumbeT thCOI)' dc11ls with
exploring nml dist.O\ <ring pmp• held htS studtms In h1gll reg.ml
I le tt>l15lders ht< tl'tchlng tu be
, ~yinhtollt ... 1.11111n,h1p --,1h lt1•
$1Udcnl$ ·t profil rrorn •nd cn­
JO)· their youth and cnshust.lSlll,
and they 1c .. m rcom m)' skill •nd
cxpcncncc Along the "•"'). I ha\'c
been c~m:mcly fonunatc to mc,l'c
fl\,m ,1Ccrp1111g and \'tf)· ,11p­
pom, c parrots. to 1hc suppon or
d1srcm,ng nnd encoumgmg p:t·
trons .Uld professionals In the nn
communlt) at lug<' My ~lptult'.
lus, lor O\'tr 30 )G<S, bc,rn J COO•
11nuuus el'nluuon
rK!ld or l\\Cntle1h•
c.-ntury European
and Amenan An
HlslOf)' He pub­
lished the book
Bombtrs 8-.52 In
1977. and two an• "1 profit from and enjoy their youth
and enthusiasm, and they learn from
my skill and experience." or Image ilnd jdca,
111:11crial and tech­
nique fashioned
for boih the public
ond 1he pnvo.tt p••
tron. I hll'<' lllw.lys
ll'Otkcd \'CT}' hard
and h.'ltl lun In thc h1.s1011c.il worlcs.
Ammcan J\ re 'IMary. and Cit<JJ
Cqm,,.,..,rs. (irt<JJ MISU, jn I 9117
and I 9Q2, ccspcc11vdy Rcccmly,
Dr Bueuncr M bttn cx.1n11n1ng
the rtlalionshlps bet" ccn .tn ,md
music He VICWS An History nm
$0 much .1S a ,rum.tr or nam<:$
pcnods, nnd dat~. but as• lune•
Lion of 1hc C)'t~ Jb1l11y and tmm•
,ng He 11cws the world ltScll <1>
his book, and !:l)'S tlul one: •can
1nm <IS mu.:h from looking :u II
through the q·~ ur Jn arust ;is
we cun rrom reading countl~
textbook.
Mon101 R Flon Wi\S bom •nd
raisl?d nl Mon1cv1dco, Urugu:iy
She ~ published numerous
nniclrs on the works ol contcm•
p<>ml') L1un Amrrlcm wntcrs
mch as Am Martn ShUll, r=
Pom:unsln nnd Elrn.1 P\>nt•
nto\l~l<;t I lcr ;tnlcles and 1ntcr­
''"'~ lu1-c appcurcd In All-. dr
Am;rica, ~· Rt,i,ca ck IIINU·
'"'" la1tno,1m.-riclllld. Co,iflurncta,
Oun,ou Utm1r10, &p1u...,1on tk
h'Xl<>s l11rronos, H'SfU"•a. and 1..---Bruce West
rnlcS of lnttgrrs Prnblcnts In
numhc,r theory can somttlmrs he
undcrs1ood b) .& IJypcrson, but
they may IJk.'. !Thin) }'CJ<S •nd
complex 11~11IK!tn.1tlcs 10 solve
~fany fiim~ pmhlcms in thb
field lu,-c: awaited solution for
iho=nds or y.-ars
Abstma t1lgcbra wh,lt com­
pnr.ahlc 10 numbtr thcOI')', b not
JS .imp!< lO definr. 11 deals With
absmJCt algchm1c struuures, ahc-
11.in groups. and SCIS of obJ«tS
that m;iy or may nOI mcludc In•
l(gt<S
While the study of finite
grou~ dcals \\1th detmnlnlng
the propcmcs or groups 1111h
fmucly many elc=m•. comb1•
n.i1nn<'S dr:ils \\Sth the siudy nf
finlt.c c,,1lltcuo'" or objt-ets lb:u
<a1L<fy ~fi<CI cmcn3
Dr Schmidt ts an ,1lumnus or
LC Hr gr:,duJtcd In I <l63 t:,e.
fort gomg on l<' r«c11-c a rh D
from th.: UnhCJ'$111· or Orqion tn
1969
Or Bruce West has :ilwa)'S process.
Phyll1$ YtS!I •rustic work SJ>.ms
mun} mediums From cJn,,.,,
10 lumllurc clt>thmg to Jewdry.
Dr 'ics· \\'Orie hJ.S bem feo1ured
•round ,ht w11rld Dr Yes ~
1m,'tltd w Bah and NC\\ Guinea
on a Nouonal Endowment for 1hc
Ans gront 10 slud)• gcndn rcbt<d
forms. Shes l>N:n in numcrou.s
national Jtld lntcmatlonal pubh­
c';lllOns Jnd has r«ch cd Jn Ore­
gon Ans CommisSlon Fcllo\\shlp.
~ number or Oregon Slate URll'Cr•
sit)' Foundauon grunts. the Bar•
oora Dcnung Foundatll)II grom
and has \\Oil many 11;111onnl com­
p,11uons. I like 10 think of myself
as holding J mlJ'l'Or 10 sodtt). of­
rcnng food f<>r thoug/11." >he"')~­
·Somcilrms I use humor other
umc:. Im dc:uil>• scnt•us In put•
ling out ~ 1tswl :.Utcmcnt that ls
open for dbolSSl<>n ~1$. Ya has
hod more dun 125 t>.htblrooru.
dunng her hfcumc Yes kl''cd as
chair or the An Dcp.,nmcm due­
mg lw:r time al I.C CONTlMIEDFROMPI\GE 2 enhance fadlmcs. I le cxpL,ms
that a l.lrgcr endo" mcnt IS ul;o
cnucul 11 1lw: ct>lleg< wimtS 10
,mprnw Its mnk In 1hc U S.
News w,d Wo, Id Rept,n
"Like 11 or no1,' uind,dmr C
s:ud. ·,r \IT 11';lll110 nnroa intcm­
cd .,nd dl\Crsc 51udrnl$ tu this
sch.x,1, those mnklog> IThlllCl'
He said th•t LC, llke Ht1\'etfonl.
has difficulty \11th recognition
outside or Ii. wgct ttg1t1n. •nd
do,c:n•cs m~,rc .incntlon rn1tlon­
--,dc •1 wanl lCl nuke sure 1lu1
thr Slory or u:w,s & Oark ~
known throughout lbc coun•
tf)-11otJUS1. Colorado: he s.11d
"In ft,·c )'C:ll'S \It ,:;m und should
nnd wlll rue, up in US Nev.,
.ind World Rcpon b) JI leist r.,c to ten ranks·
lie Joi;ro wnh the st11lr ~bom
1hc tmportllllCC: or 4 lall!(r (11·
dowmcnt •nd nt1• hulldmgs.
$il)'lllg. ·,r you bu,ld ll, they w,11
come: --,,ha hulc gnn
II IS clear, ~ftcr m«ung Wllh
these candld,1cs, thnt bolh are
tllln>dlbly qu:dlficd for the Job
Thctr rcsu111cs •rc thorough
and lmpn:ssll'<, and hoch hal'c
• solid .. ~on for 1mprow1g the
college\ finand.11 ba,c in Jdtll•
Hon 10 1mpnmng 1hc 1htn!l,$ 1h~1
ahc·•dy make LC :i grc.,1 hbc,ml
mu msuw11on
lcWIS & Clark 15 a nice plocc
m be, CnndkLall' B s:ud ·16 3
pl.tee thill !,;is r&)lllCCS, Jnd It•
u pla.x th.il li.,s a great fo1ure
Any n~mber of 1hc cnm­
munll)' IIU)' r-n~nl dtan•
..,.,.rch@ldatk cdu with thctr
comments. qllCS'llon., or
1hough1S c<•nccm11111 th<"SC! can•
dtdttt.cS
the Pion.t:<!r Los, April I 5. 2005 3 --ASLC Election Write-Ins
This fresh batch ZACH "ROTHY" HASSAN RADHEYYAN MATT ERHMAN (2) WALLACE&
of ASLC Write-Ins ROTHCHILD HELANA BERKS- MATT SAVAGE GROMMIT
DARWIN MATTHEW EHERMAN WE DON'T NEED demonstrates LC's HENRY THOMPSON MATTHEW EHRMAN ANOTHER VP commlttment to non- VICE PRESIDENT l'D LIKE TO HAVE (16) WHAT IS THIS EVEN?
traditional candidates. FOR COMMUNITY COMMUNITY MATTHEW EHRMAN YARROW ULEHMANN
It's too bad that Paris RELATIONS RELATIONS MATTHEW ERMAN YER MOM
Hilton, Narcissus WITH LANDON MAURA ROSS YOGI
and the Mirrors, or MATT EHRMAN MASCARENAZ. MAX MILLER YOU KNOW
Curtis Johnson's left AARON DAWSON IAN EVANS MEREDITH PRICE THAT GUY IN
testicle didn't pull out ADAM "WANTS INTERNATIONAL MICHAEL GRAHAM MOTORCYCLE
a Ia·st minute victory, TAYLOR CAMFIELD- STUDENT MONICA LEWINSKY DIARIES? YEAH, HIM
though. BRON STEIN'S JABBA THE HUNT MOSES MALONE YOUR MOTHER
VICE PRESIDENT MOTHER• GREGG JAKE THONGASS MR. T(ORANY ZACK GROSS
FOR STUDENT ADAM GREGG JALYAWANNA OTHER MEMBER OF ZVEN ANDERSON (2)
ADAM SANCHEZ LEPOOPKIN THE "A" TEAM THAT ACADEMIC ADNAN CHOUDHURY JAMES TINKER (2) IS AVAILABLE AND ASLC AFFAIRS ALEX FORBES JARED BETZ WILLING) PRESIDENT/ ALEX HICKMAN JEREMY YOUNG MUFFINS MUFFINS EXECUTIVE VICE A GIANT ALEXANDRE ZANI JESSE FOR MAN MUFFINS
UNDERGROUND AMAN KUBROM JESSE FORMAN (2) MY BUTT PRESIDENT
COMPLEX OF AMANDA POPE JIM BEAM-RELATIONS NARCISSUS AND
COMPUTERS AMELIA LANG AT LARGE THE MIRRORS ANDREW OLSEN/
ADAM SANCHEZ ANDREW LUGG JIMMY JIMMONS NATALIE WATSON DAN FENN
ANDREW OLSEN ANDREW OLSEN POOPS THE BED NICK WOLF COOKIE ANDY TENOPIR-
AVERY SCHMIDT ANDY TENOPIR- JOHN $MOLTZ PEACH LUNDEEN/ ROB
BEN ANDERSON LUNDEEN (3) JON BROOKS NICOLE ANDERSON HEAN
BEN ELKIND ANGELA FINKE (2) JONATHAN CHING NOAH HALLET ANDY TENOPIR-
BOB BARKER ANNA ADON GO JULIANNE ROWAN NONE LUNDEEN / ROBERT
BOBBY BROWN ANNA SCHRAG KATIE REWICK OBSCURE PHYSICS HEAN
BUNNY IS MY ANYONE WHO KAZ MAJOR#2 ANYONE BUT THESE
FRIEND CLAIMS TO KNOW KELLT SWENSON PARIS HILTON TWO
OIMADUHSEN WHArs GOING ON EATS A BAG OF PARKER AWESOME BERT ANO ERNIE
FRANK LITTLE WILL LIE ABOUT THE DICKS EVERY CAVE BLAKE SPURGIN
GRACE UWAGBAE LITTLE THINGS TOO MORNING FOR PAULMUNZI BRANDON WIEBE
JAKE THOMAS, IN ARON PHILLIPS BREAKFAST!@ PAUL MUZI (2) BU NGA MORONO
THE NAME OF BLACK BARTOLOMEO KELLY PEE-WEE HERMAN AND LARRY TISH
METAL VANZETTI KELLY G (3) PETER BELAND CURTIS JOHNSON'S
JEFF STEVENSON BEN ELKIND KELLY G. IS THAT PETER RABBITT LEFT TESTICLE
JESUS H. CHRIST BENNY YANEZ HER? POPE JOHN PAUL II DARTH VADER
JOHN DOE BILL CURTIN IS KELLY GABARINO (4) PROFESSOR DJ DEMOCRACY ATE MY
KARL THE COUCH A DEFROCKED KELLY GABORINO MCFUNKBOT BABY
DINO PRIEST ... WHO KELLY GARBADINO RICK JAMES DR.MADNESS
LAURA BUBACK SUCKS KELLY GARBARDINO RON PAUL HAMMERSTINE
LISA CHALLBERG BILL FROM THE BON KELLY GARBARINO (24) ROSEMARY TUSTIN HOC SAN
MALEFICENT BILL YOUNG KELLY GARBIANI (I RUEBEN SCHIFFMEN JAMES ATKIN/
MAUI BUILT BLAH BLAH DON'T KNOW HOW RYAN ESSMAN (2) KAREN HOOPER
NICOLIA SKEMP BOOYAH GRANDMA TO SPELL HER RYAN KEHRL JAMES ATKIN HAS A
OBI ONE KANOBE BRANDON WIEBE NAME, BUT SHE SAGE HOWARD HUGE ASS.
OUR YEAST BABIES BUGS BUNNY IS THE CURRENT SAM GERGANS (4) JAMES ATKIN IS AN
PATRICK JOHNSON BUTT MC FARTS OFFICER, PLEASE SAMANTHA GERGANS ARROGANT BITCH
PAULMUNZI CARMELA VIBIANO COUNT THIS VOTE!) SARAH COLLINS JENNY MOSBACHER/
PAULMUZI CHARLIE MARKS KELLY GARB I NO SCOTT MOYER MAX FILTER
PETER GRIFFIN, CHARLIE MORGAN KELLY GARBRINO SEFTON MURRAY KAREN FACEHUMP
MAYOR OF PETORIA CHRISTINE KELLY GIOVANNI SHANNON BRADY (5) HOOPER
REBECCA DEVILLE JACOBSON KELLY HOOVER SHANNON BRADY LOVE/
SAM THE TANK COLONEL CATHCART KELLY SNOW (SUPER STAR) LUCIEN LAYNE IS
SIMS COOTER KERRY BALAAM SOMEONE! A LITTLE BOY WHO
SMOKE MARLBORO® CRAVEN KORIE CHUNG STEPHEN BOYCE EATS CHOCOLATE!
CIGARRETTES THEY MOOREHEAD LAURA BU BACK (2) STEPH.EN STARRET MATT EHRMAN
ARE GREAT DYLAN SMITH (2) LAURA FREEMAN TATIANNA PAVICH MATTHEW EHRMAN
STUBACCA ELI GLUSMAN LEANNE FAWKES TAYLOR WING MY CAT HAS THREE
THE FAT OLSEN TWIN ELIMINATE MY LEE GURNEY TERRY STRATTON IS KITTENS
THE LIGHTBRINGER OFFICE LISA HOUSMAN A POMPOUS ASS!III NICK 'BOATLOAD'
THE NINJA ELVIS LIZA WICKLINE THAT GUY WITH THE BOOKMAN
TIM PETROWSKI IS ERIK BROWN MADELINE SILVA (2) FLYERS ONE OF THE FIFTH
THE BEST ALUM LC ERIKTYLEK MAJA KOHL (2) THE SWEATY YEAR SENIORS
HAS EVER SEEN KETTENBURG (2) MARC KAISER MEMBER OF A PARTAY TUNES NEXT
TY "PAPS" MEARS' EVAN PERKISS MARISSA DORIA$ CANINE ... MAYBE A GENERATION!!!!!!
MOM LIKES CANDY FLAVIA ARSENAULT MASTER CHIEF WOLF ... (P.T.N.G.)!!!!!
VEGAN NARC FLETCHER BOUVIER MATHEW EHRMAN (2) THOMSON MCCORKLE PAULMUNZI
WHAT ARE THIS BE? (2) MATHEW ERHMAN TIMBOB NO-PANTS PAULMUZI
WOODY "NO" JONES GEOFF WALLACE, MATT EHRMAN (12) TROGDOR RHEA BROWN
ZACH "MR. BIG EDITOR OF THE MATT EHRMAN TYRONE BIGGUMS WAYNE AND GARTH
STUFF"MANN TELEGRAPH MATT EHRMANN (2) W. JOHN ARLOTTO WILL SOMEONE
4 the Pioneer Log, 1\pnl LS. 2005 ASLC -Election Write-Ins
PLEASE KILL EVERY KORI CHUNG YOSSARIAN JIMMY BUFFETT ZHAI
MEMBER OF THE LANDON YU HOU JOE HILL CREW TEAM?!?!?!?!? MASCARENEZ JOSH IS STILL A NARC ASLC CHIEF
YOUR MOM! LAURA BUSACK VICE PRESIDENT KELLY SWENSON JUSTICE
LAURA GAGE FOR BUDGET AND OPPRESSES US ALL VICE PRESIDENT LITTLE MONTANA GIRL FINANCE WITH HIS SWEATY 'ELBJ
FOR STUDENT OR-MILES "BRIAN" PENIS! 4:20
GANIZATIONS SPRIETSMA A NON-ALCOHOLIC LAUREN SENKYR ANDREW OLSEN
MMMMHMMM SLUT LEGALIZE IT ANYBODY BUT
-TOOL" MUTT CLARK IS EQUAL AARON MCCOY LYELL ASHER CHARLES BLACKMAR
ABIG FLOPPY TO OR GREATER ADAM SANCHEZ LYNNE BOOTH (2) OR SCOTT DEVLIN.
DONKEY DICK IN (PLEASE INSERT ALEXANDER MANNY ORTIZ ANYONE BUT SCOTT
CHINGY'S ASS! MATHEMATICAL HAMILTON MATT DAMON DEVLIN, HE'LL PUT
ADAM SANCHEZ SYMBOL) THAN YOUR ALEXIS D-RIPPER MATTHEW EHRMAN THE WHOLE DAMN
ALEX CHILTON DADDY ALLI SON FARR MAX MILLER SUCKS SCHOOL IN ALCOHOL
ALISON K.ING NICOLA SACCO ANDREW OLSEN DICK FOR POTATO COUNSELING
ALLISON FARR NOT JON ANIKA SABIN CHIPS ANYONE ELSE
ANDREW THOMAS OWEN KENTON ANYBODY BUT MG WEBER ANYONE WHO CLAIMS
ANGELA FINKE PABLO FURAMA BRIDGET HUDSON MICHAEL GRAHAM TO KNOW WHAT'S
ANNAADONGO PACO THE LOVE ANYONE WITH A LESS CAN BUDGET MY GOING ON
ANYBODY WHO SLAVE ANNOYING VOICE FINANCE ANY TIME HE BEN ELKIND
DOESN'T DRESS LIKE PANCHEN THE GAMMA ARTHUR GRAVES WANTS. BIG PUN
A GOLF CADOY. MALE ARTHUR GRAVES MICHAEL MOONEY (2) BLAH BLAH
ANYONE BUT PAT HOGAN AND ANDREEN MR. ROBERT NAYER BLAINE DENTON
JONATHAN CHING PATRICK JOHNSON CLAUSMEYER NICK 'SANDY COUTER- BRANDON WIEBE
ANYONE ELSE (2) PAULMUNZI BALD KATEWIN COON' BOOKMAN CHARLES DARWIN
BATMAN PAULMUZI BECCA NOVIS FOR NIXON CHARLES DEVLIN
BEN ELKIND RED CHRIS IS A CUM QUEEN OF THE NO NEW TAXES CHARLIE BLACKMAR
BILL CLINTON DUMPSTER WORLD NO VOTE IS A LOSER!!II
BILLIE-JOE ROBIN HOOD IS BEN ELKIND (2) NOAH HALLET CHARLIE IS AN ASS
ARMSTRONG BETTER THAN LITTLE BONO NOT BRIDGET CHASEY LAIN
BLAH BLAH JON! BRENDON SHIH HUDSON CLARENCE THOMAS
BRIAN CHANDLER SARA BENNETT BRIAN QUACKENBUSH PACO THE LOVE SLAVE CRAIGALICIOUS
BRIAN QUACKENBUSH SCOTT PALMER SHAT BRIDGET HUDSON PAT HOGAN DAN SANDERMAN
CHING'S PET MONKEY IN THE HOWARD HAS JELLY FISM PATCH IS A DOUCH DARTHVAOER
WHO ACTUALLY DOES SHOWER JUBBLIES PAULMUNZI ELDIABLO
THE WORK SHANNON "SARAH" BRIDGET IS PAULMUZI EL GRINGO DEL
CHLO~ MAY BRADY INCOMPETENT PAUL WESTERBERG SANYO
CLOOSTY PUSER SHANNON BRADY BRIDGET SOUNDS PENNY-PINCHING I DONT THINK BOTH
CRAIG BEEBE SLAP HAPPY PAPPY LIKE BUDGET PAUL WOULD BE GOOD
DARCY EVANS SLIPEM DASLIDER BRUCE CAMBELL RICHARD "DICK THE JACK KITTEN
DARTH VADER SOME SHORT BOUNCY CHRISTINE NUTTERS NARC" KEARNEY JAMES TINKER
DAVID "FOREST ASIAN MAN CRAIG BEEBE RICHARD NIXON KERMIT THE CAMPO
GUMP" ROON SOMEBODY LESS DARTH VADER SCOTT THOMAS GUY
DE ANNOYING THAN JON DAVID ROON MOYER LORING VEENSTRA
DICK SWETT CHING DON'T LEAVE US SHANNON BRADY MATT EHRMAN
GLEN PLAKE SOMEONE ELSE? DAWSON! STEFAN SHEARER (2) MEGAN MORAN
I LOVE BRIDGES SOMEONE OVER SFT DONKEY MAN STUBACCA THE MR. T
I WILL NEVER VOTE TALL DOUGLAS FIR WOOKIE MUFFIN HEADS
FOR THE NO TALENT STEFAN SHEARER ELMO TAYLOR "WANTS ATTACK!
ASS CLOWN THAT IS STEVE MCQUEEN ERIC "I DON'T VOTE" HIS OWN MOTHER" NOT THESE
JON CHING. STIVPUTER (2) HANSON CAMFIELD-BRONSTEIN SATANISTS
l'D VOTE FOR THAT STOP THE ERICSMOMMA TAYLOR CAMFIELD- PATRICK LAW,
LITTLE DROP OF HEGEMONIC FALCOR (2) BRONSTEIN ASSASSIAN
STAGNANT WATER MAJOR! POLY SCI FREE MARKET THANK GODDESS EXTRORDINAIRE
BUTTHERE'S GOTTO OUT OF STUDENT GEORGE PHILLIPS THERE'S NOT JUST PAULMUNZI
BE REAL MAN FOR GOVERNMENT! GILLIE KINDEL PENISES RUNNING! REFORMING CAMPUS
THE JOB! TERRY IS A POMPOUS GOD GO BRIDGET! GO DRUG POLICIES IS
JARED SHERROW ASS GREG WILLIAMS KAREN! POSSIBLE, IDIOT.
JESUS CHRIST TERRY STRATTON GUY MCCLELLAN THE BOY WITH THE ROBIN YOUNG
JIM JONES IS A PRETENTIOUS HARRY COX ARAB STRAP RYAN BRUTGER
JOHN WAYNE HORSES ASS HARTZFELD C ... PARTY THE EASTER BUNNY SCOOBYDOO
JOHNATHAN CHIGN TESTIFY! HARDY THE FREE MARKET SCOTT DEVLIN IS
JON"WANTS THAT VEGAN KID WHO HENDRIK HERTZBERG THE POPE (2) UGLY. (2)
TAYLOR CAMFIELD- GOES TO CRITICAL HOODED NINJAS= THE PRINCE OF SGT. BRANDON WIEBE
BRONSTEIN'S MASS SF, AC, AND DR. DARKNESS SHANNON BRADY
MOTHER" RAMM- THE ACLU MCGILACUDDY THE RHAMANATOR THE CO-OP ROCKS
GRAMENZ THE POPE I VOTED BASED THERESE MCCAFFREY TIMBOJONES
JON CHING'S MOM TRACY NGUYEN ON PHYSICAL THOMAS LORDOSJS TOM MOONEY
JONATHAN CHING TWEETYBIRD APPEARANCE. TRACY NGUYEN- TOUCH ME SCOTTY D.
JOSH IS STILL, AND VALENTIN "BE MY IAN EVAN CHUNG TYR
WILL ALWAYS BE, A VALENTINE" LOCOGE IAN EVANS TRISTRAM SHANDY TYROM BIGGIMS
NARC WAREDTHA JANET COEPLAND VEGAN NARC WONG WANG
KATIE CHIRHART CHEESEGO JESSICA MINNIER YOUR MOM WYNONNAJUDD
KATIE SIEGLE WHAN-HUNG LO YU HOU ZAC MIKELSON
1he Pioneer Log. Apnl l 5, 2005 5 Forum
All hail the cowboy hat!
US national iden-
• • • t1ty exists 1n age
of globalism --·• ....
Al IN! begannmg llf the
~lt\$cr, the que>tlon c:111,t
up 1n one of m) clilS"'-"i b
th(n: ., ,,.uhm 1n 1he tlnou:d
<;i-11cs> Thm 1s «na1nly J
ph)"'Clll l 'nll<d :iclllcs. v.11h
dchnuc b<lWld~ncs. bu1 Ill
there ;omcthtng th3l bmds
us 10!:'"t her .ts .1 people? Thi:
con,,-nsus tn tbr d:i..-.s "\l.<
JR "'en. hdmlng ·no Thi>
quc,m111 1w h•untcd 111<
c-.•tr sm~ I d,,n\ hkc th.11
.uuwcr one bll H~,-e \\C .. . • --•• "':-.'" .. #~,:
er you bcltcvc
1n cq~I righ~ ur
·oll(' m.in, anc V.'OmAn •
odds ,ll't th,11 you bchc-. t IC
n,iaously Jnd nun-negot.1.1bly
Somt al ~ )t<:I IO clum;h t\\1ce
.1 week rorotht.rs, thc: schools
cb.1.pcl b the d~ ""', • ., ~"r
been u, oipnt::ro n:llglon Bw
thJI dht~I). 100, b p.m o[ <1ur
•hJr<d rdcnlll)' WIIJll 11 COlnd
Liberty and democracy (though now
campaign slogans for che Republican
party) are rhe founding principles of
our identity. Ir has raken some rime
for us co cruly embrace these words,
and we're still noc quite there.
=II> 1051 de Tocq\lC\11k~
"Amcnc.in Ewcpt\(lruabsmr
1'1r1l. J dlstmcuon o«ds
to be mndt For n school
th.I necognr:es 1he grn
CDI IIScl~tu:,-~ or dd1m-
11on. and ct1tgoncs when
11 romcs to comphcit«l
thin~ hkc g,:ntltr Jnd c1h­
nldty. ""'""' ccnJ111ly been
qUlck to w.11hc ,U thlnll>
Rcpubl1can rhb CQUnll)'
oo) as dmdt:d as out 1\\1>
ma)Or polmcal pmtcS h:;1d
us 10 belie,,:. 1.cts lru:t n,
sill(C 011110n they hJvtnt
so mlk:h dJ,•crgrd ,as blkcn
otr running for opposite ex
lttltl<" So forg.1 pohucrl
p.lrtlb
In d( Tcxquevillr~ tul\l:
Jnd our <>wn, \\( an: nl<lrc
dcv.•u1 clum our liuropc:an
roumerp.1"5. 8111 m sec
1hc big p1aurc .,nd n01 JI™
C\':IR!,'<hCll ,\11\i!rlot lC.g 1hr
bumpc,rstickcr ·uutlon In
111': C\Cnl <>f R.apture, 1h15
<Jr will be unmanned") we
nc-c:d 10 «~J<olmlllC' \\ l,31 lt
11\CJlh U:) Ix tthglPUSAlllt'R·
,;.ms Otg;111urd rchg,c,n
.1-,1dt, c."tln vnc nn, conttnuc
10 belt"'< rd1s:it1u.<lr? Many
of us bthc,·c 1n s..-=cc and
1,>!:k Th.11 ts huw "r tmlo:t
our uu1,-.:rse Tt'lldlllon:,ll)'
n:hgfous and agn,"4tc In,
dMdwl, •hie nuv btl"",:
"'I') ,cronj\)y ,n emp1n..1l
,.-..,.,,1 An <'en bt:11" cx­
.tmplt L> <thlcs \'en le"
Anocnc.,ru. lllt ndtng the
f~11cc: on IIWmagr nghl <lf
ieprodum\'c nght.> Wht:th du-..n 10 IJ 1h:u IL. TI<ll wh.u \\t'
bchc,-c tn 11\ huw we bthew
I also like 11> bclte\'C th••
ht:nu,lll: 1w .,,mcuung 10 do
\\1th defining 11> 11,c:rc RIC
s.>ine very 11Jtk. 1rrcc,,nc1bblc
ruomc:ms 1n our hlSIOf)', ,,nd
I wlll nOI rrutk rx~ for
them But om lor,fathcr~ ~iw
dtd )tint< n:nurk.1blc 1h1ngs in
cn-aung thl\ nauon gnd nr.tl<·
mg 11 a$ durable ,.. 11 1w been
\\\,\,: never h.Jd a king or .m
emperor Wbcn)' and dtn,oc.
r.>C). (though now camp;ugn
sh~n. for the Rcpubhan pr;ar•
1y) nrc tho: luunding prin1:1plcs
t1f '"" 1dcnth) It has IJk<n
some lime lor us 10 tmly nn­
brKe I~ "Ortis, and \\t'ft'
>llll nlll qulle I hrft'
Bue n:mrmbtr, back m 1hr
d!lhtccmh ccntu'), we \\CR: .1
bumh .,f pun~ .111d -..t ll>Ok
on 1h,: 8nush Empire because
",: bchr,,:d we """" nght
\\.-<;.wed P•n• l\\1<e 1)(-.
sp1lc lh< loo.1h1ng )OU might
h;"c !or our m1hr.tl)·, tmvmg
~er mc1 , soldier, )OU dvn\
ha,,: to look ,·ct) lat In 1111" Jn•
nab ul our mlht.n') for xu <>I
hcmum ) ou would not lxhc-.,:
(Jnd Ill•. nuking II IO Gwrd
dw, 1h;11 dildd) ,mn1:cd for
yoo l>\"cr hJII 1hc umc d,>c<n t
,,\\Int) &111g ., US \i,1t1nt m
this c-.:n1111) li 1h, ~till< lltlnj(
n was lW\'' cttnu~ J~o--de~
,pnc """ 1~hnuw1,1~ I~ illl
~tlhudt ol .1~<1n Jnd 1nl
1uu,,: fhl\ I$ p:in ol wh,, )OIi
arc 100
rou don\ wimt 10 lw,r 11
SEE1'WRAUSM'l>l.0£1
6 chi, Pioneer Log, April 15, 2005 Spears choice of meat isn't ta­
boo, it's genetically predisposed
by Valarie Hunsinger
t\.11lwugh I thorough!) ~njO)·ol
Stcplunit lktth(rn~ arui:.k cn­
thled ·spc<11') 1radcs 'bomb3.stlc'
for ·re.ihsuc' "11h Fcdcrltnt
thnt pral.<es llnUIC) Sp<>lrs and
l'nncc 0,.1ncs l<SS bombastic
trade [or mOT'C n:ahsuc 1>3n•
ncrs I frul 10 grasp the
supc,rinnl)' <1r ,,-cn
lh~ ongirolll)' of 1h11
1r.tdr
First wh,:n
trading ~nythmg.
whc1hcr ii be basc:-
bJII cards pc,g,. (!or th-re•
member gr.Jdc sdu'K>I fun l , he
simple ,d~ IS 10 get 1hc bcucr
trulc (O)\h1'). The 101de Bcct:hcm
lllJkts Sttl'05 1nfonor Last lime
I chc,:k.rd, I wouldn\ choose ~
hie full of lnfidellt) (Charle• Jnd
Cnmllla (Cnmllut \\ho follO\,-cd m
her grra1 gmndm01hcrs IONMcps.
\\'00 ".1> the nnstrc» IQ Chnrltss
gmit gnmdf,11hcrl. d1,'l'.lrcc
lwhcrc r,hlo,cb predlCI l'cdcr­
hnc and Bnuney arc hc;rdcd),
and onc-p.ircn1 homes lfederhnc
left h,s lirs1 wife 1hc MD<'>lu sta1.
Guest Editorral stranded n11tl
pR'g,u,tl) O\·cr
suprmdal;md
bombJsllc
10\'1' I guru
I "ouldn't
dlOO>C dth.:r
Sc,·ond
stncc when
!us Holl)··
wood bttn
known for
:<11<c=ful te•
la11onshlpsl
Bcc,hcm
;ttm., luppy
and SU'lln~'<l
1lul the
pnncc•pnn•
cess f»II or
our gcncrnuon
didn\ "Ork bad hair ~ .
out. but when #oAGICllUl!lffCffWIWi--
docs II e>Yr' This sexy face looks familiar. I know I'd
When h:,s choose him to be my prodisposed meat.
HC1l lywood
n01 ~en
Imo" for dmlllll, when h'1S II not
been know 10 11s1gmly our .omc
lllTICS 0.twcd g<DCIIC n:procJIICII\"
dm-e I.ct. nu: cxplmn. Hn,,: you <'\ er "ondc:ttd why
good girls. be they 1h41 cute f'l'd.
hc:id III rour «onom,cs cl11SS,
SEE 'QAD BOYS 'Pt,GE 7
Brain drain leaves students
intellectually exhausted-
by Sarah 0ISabatlno
Ok. !iO heft' i< m}· bed (or
for the nnn-camlvof'l)U> tofu)
I, like mnny siudtnlS, work
my llS6 off tor Jn A· ~nd molt'
often a 8-,n m) cwoes. When
I look ll my m1nsrnp1, I Stt my
lard work lllllntl'cstcd m Ul<S(
gmdcs
n1cn and for some, o J 3 WhJt h,1p•
ptns n= I> hmCJd <>f ~ gmdr In
1h.: S0-8~'"' r•ngc coununit a..
:i.b<n·c ~,'t'r3gt II b r,~m tall)·
lxmg dr,•lued 10 rhc 7i'f,-79'l,
ran&'" <1n the Gl'A SC11k
Pwrcssors respond 1n two
Wll)'S' they m~kc II ca>tt:r 10 l,'<1
• 3.(l by ·aw:i.rdlng· 1of course
studcnt.S rarn their j,1rlldesl sohd ·sl,tc kc,. despite 1hc fa,1 1h;\1
then: are plrnl) ur ~pie who
siruggk lt>r Cs In rours,s, par•
UculJrl) rcquln:d cl-Smcr
"• h~,.,, .in arN) ol rcqutn:d con:
cou~ 1n field:, m•y no« elCC1'11n,
our cumnt S)-stcnt should be put
lo IC!,\ m la,,,, or lhc mulluonal
1V11dt11g SCJlc
l.c"il & Clark Sttms m Ix
Stt 111)' GPA wrr. mJtc"
ThOSE' mt•
nu,es ""'&bed
down mi GPA
pmry stgnlli•
a1mly from
when: I come
.in A Is •n A
4Bl>o8,and
so !lll Wh)' The LC GPA does ooc accurately reflect
the work scudenrs put into their grades.
This grading system basically says char a
B is no longer above average. Now a C is
read as "below average" and basically says
"I k" sac er. pullllljl mun:
rmp11D.515 un nu•
ntoncnl ,-:tlues
,\S.m~ru
or our a..h1e,,:-
1ncn1S I hnn "h.11
.i hbeml Jn.s .:ol•
lcgt should •I•
1..,... Ism this the
,olltgt altrr •II.
which ollen:d
does I.cwt.> (i:
Clark supp(ln this homd S)'S·
mn thm punl5ho stud,111.> for
g,:mng ,m 801\, ,,.,,h • 2 71 r,,
Ii.-fa.tr I dunk the .1dm1ms1m­
uon pl\mlOICS tins gnrdmg .cal<
m rc,;polbC 10 1hc gr:idJ: anlla­
tton that runs rampmn on <'\Cf\
collc~'t campu_<, lrotn 11,11\lro
10 BYU
Tht' prookm "'"h I c_. gr•d­
ln~ si-,1cm ...,n, wuh 1hr IJCt
1ru1 LO. ><:hufar.Jtlp R'<\Ulft'•
mcm, ,c;1unll) cnn>urAi;c gn,dr
1nll.ulon wlrpmg 1hc dims al
the l(r.tdmg scuk
l'hc LC wcbsur cla1mi. th.11
76'l, ot u, s:,,1 s:,mc kmd cil h,
n.,ncul aid Mosi of 1h<St schol•
•r<hlps n:qu1re • mrrumum l O, & or Bs. or th() gr.1dc h•5C'd on
the <1UJh1y nl the ""rk rcbm·c
10 1hcir ""n <1,md,1nh and the
per!omunco of 01h,·r studcnb
m the c1A>,
One lull of 1hr 11r.1d~. llwn:•
Ion:. mOJte 1trades 10 lx:Jl the
system unJ the other lull ol the
w-Jdcs rate n:llu,c ptrfomuncr
dc,·.iluuung the \\<1rk of 1hosc up­
per middle r.ing, ..iudcnt.S In M
"J) JIii I lry1ng Ill !.uh th.: [111:ul·
I)". ,u I us., ,cl)' gcnernl 1.tnru, bu1
my point I 1lu1 th, LC C,PA d<>CS
llOI xc11mtch· rcnc,, the "'"k
studcni:, pu, mt(l lhcir gr.Ide,
rhrs gmdtng s,·>1em b.is1ctll)'
'I-,), 1h31 ,1 B IS n,, longrr a bow
,l\'cragc N,1" ~ C ts re.Id us 'be•
lt1\\ "' er,g,•· .ind b.-,;1cnll) ,ay,; us 1hc option ,n
3pply wl1h 11 ponfollo uuu:rul of
SAT scores?
What h.1ppc:ned Id LC, m~
;ion su1emcn1. which 31111> 10
prcp3rc !ludcms I<' >ttk km,wl•
~Jg,: for ones o" n sake Jnd 10
pn:parc for ,1V1c ltadcnhop?
Wnh 1h15 gr:tdln!! scnlc I find
1h.11 I spc,nd mon, unu: '1tt>Smg
nu1 O\'Cr gcwn,t , B l1M1 mmtb,l
J\ e111gr: mon: 1h.ip I !ind lime for
s«kmg kh<lwk.,!h'< 101 RI) "" n
sake
I "'Y duch 1h1> l~uh), ~nd r.1th
ct tn:ttd). gmdtng ~•It •nd Im«
the admm1stnuc>n 10 ct1mc up
""uh ,1 murr cn•;1t1v~ WJ)" to c,-alu•
Jte our \\1llk In lllhcr ""rds. put
oo..k tht htx,ral ,,n.s· m hbcral
al'b cduc.1Unn ,11 LC Forum
Talk dirty: Use the correct
form of there and fall in love
crs and chocolates and
by Slephanie Beechem candlc-Ut dinners. But
had no
qualms about
romance unlll
the 7"' grade,
when I received
my first love lc1-
1er. ll wa.s con­
ceptually sound, but coma[ned a
gnevous amount or gmmom1ical
errors. •Aposirophes all over 10 frown upon this par­
ticular breed of mass-marketed
Romance is not to despair about
the idea as a whole.
You see, the problem with that
mitial love letter wasn) the senti­
ment bchmd u, but its execuuon.
and 1hms 1he problem wnh 1he
romance behind chick 01cks and
dimly lit dinners. They succumb
Optimism is a difficult note to strike these
days, with American culture reducing
Romance co Harlequin novels and one-di­
mensional chick flicks. And we buy into it,
even though we all deserve better.
the place.• I recall saying, "and
the most inaccurate placement of
commas I've seen in all my days."
The poor man didn't know who
he was writing 10, and I bet he
still hasn't gonen over ,he fact
that I gave the letter back. m.1rked
heavily with my own red pen.
The grammatically 1mperfect
love letter I received m , hai tender
age of twdve-tbough "tender" is
hard!) n word that describes me,
then or now--marked the slow
accumulation o( a whole hsc of
personal grievances against Ro­
mance. 1 hough conceptually I
have very rew qualms. What I'm
concerned abou1 is the cxccmion:
the gmmmar of Romance, may it
be.
For a biner, cynical, and se­
mantically uptight person Uke
me. it is ,empting to rejecc Ro­
mance outright, on the basis of
the thoroughly unimaginauve
and massively popular modem
manifestmions of the idea: Oow-to the Romantic Fonnula, forget­
ting that the whole idea behind
Romance ,s that 1t Is sudden and
unexpected Romance can't be
bought ar conjured; ic must be
stumbled upon. Romance isn"t
a Whitman!; sampler and a sen­
timental card on Valentines Day;
it's an illegal kiss in a desper•
ate sltu.1tlon. II\; a single linger
glanced across a foreann In a
crowded room Its a gaze held
two seconds too long.
The problem is, real Romance
is a savage high. Like cocaine. ii\;
ecstauc;ally good for a short dura­
uon, but It\; a bitch of a come­
down. People become Romance
junkies, and In the process of try­
ing 10 spread it imo every comer
of their hves, the whole idea is
cheapened: hence, flowers and
cbocola1es. Together wuh poorly
wr!mm love leuers. these are ,he
executors of Romance's demise.
Opumism is a difficult note to
strike these days, with American
ever
kay? y,
eein dis reducing
Romance 10
Harlequin novels
and one-dimen-
sional chick Oicks. And
we buy Into 11, eve11 1hough
we all dtsen•< better. So tum
down that love letter, forget
the chocolate sampler, and
make your own porn
instead of rent­
ing Slttplm in
Seattle. Don\
mindless
ritual [or
Roma11ce. "--"II
And for
chrissake, if you
want to be Romanuc
with me. get your goddamn
punctuation in order.
Stephanice Beechem mr­
rently has the hots for a
UPS tklivery guy. In high
school, she dated rhree foot­
b,1!! playen, two memben
of the Engineering Club, a
Serbian exchange studmt,
a rock-and-roll joumaust
11T1d a wrestler. The Serbi­
ans grammar was terrible
,md he was always wonied
about getting deported.
None of the football playen
exhibited great grammar
skills. One of the mgineen
could solve a rubix cube in
urrder three minutes, but
he frequently confused "it's»
with "its.»
1-luM-P by s & c
rm just think­
ing about
Shakespeare. Val's one s cho. Watch out.
Bad boys are the
norm in Hollywood
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 6
best-fnend,
or Bntney
Spears, fall
for bad boys.
New re­
search done
by David
Buss. In the
field of Sexual
Strategy
Theo­
ry ex­
plains
t h es e
facts.
Woman have
a minimum pa­
rental investment of
months in addition
LO lactation whereas men
have 5 mlnutes (or longer
ror those who take longer) and Thous.-inds of years ago, 1hese
traits would have been exlTemely
advanuigcous in a humer gatherer
culture. So while our bodies and
mind are In the 201h cenmry our
genes are still rooted with the
same desires of the past Even
though Britney has money, her
genes have told her to look for a
jerk. From the moment she goi
married she has ial ked abom
geumg prcgnam. and Kevm has
proven to be very successfol at
Impregnating woman. especially
celebrities. I'm not saying that ev­
ery man is a jetk who jusL wants
to impregnate everyone, and
every woman is only im.erested
in monq becaLise these 11re our
genetic tendencies, However, I
don\ think we should praise and
be exCLted when the •princess· of
our generation falls to the all to
Even though Britney has m.oney, her
genes have told her co look for a jerk.
She never wanted bombastic love.
one teaspoon of spc_nn. Result,
women are motivated to find a
man who lmpans re.sources to
help misc children. ,viii ensure
supenor offspring or guaran­
teed fcnility, or men who are
motivated lO impan as many
genes to as many parmers as
possible.
So what does this have
to do with Bntney and Fed­
erline? Well Federllne, like
Beechem describes. is the bad
boy "Marlboro Light, work­
ing-class, wife-beater kid." Bad
boys are Type A personalities.
T)•pe As an? extremely com­
petitive, motivated to achieve,
aggressive, etc. Sounds like a
Jerk, nghtl The kind of bor
we wouldn~l want to bnng
home 10 mamma. Well these
personalities also tend to be
higher achievers, ha,•e greater
acquisition or resources, and
,viii most often be dominam, common genetically driven lack
of self-tontrol, that our society
has worked 10 prevent.
In terms o[ your boredom
with happdy-er-af1ers, no fear.
It is human namrc to experience
Schaden[reude (getting pleasure
111 the misfommes or 01hers).
Why do you think so many tab­
loids sell' Why Is MlV news so
popular? It ls nonual, and sick, to
wam Brimeys baby to be pos,;ibly
left fatherless, IVhy do yot1 think
so many people are watching Mi­
cJ1ael Jacksons painful trials? So­
ciety w·Jnis to know thm fa1110,is,
perfect people don't have perfect
hves.
For those 'disillusioned girls
who once sighed over their trashy
magazines', they are now getting
the real trash. Not bombastic su­
perficial love tha1 nobody really
cares about, but the real, good
'olc juicy gossip that is neither
new or superior.
Pluralism creates
American identity
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 6
but there ls a little bit of the
tow boy in ail of -us. Its I hear­
rogant. uuw,iverlng belief that
you can accomplish anything
and that rou can cJiange the
world. be it at a pTQtest rally or
lo the Peace Corps. Its a behef
in educauon and a personal ac­
coumab,lity tllllt you. nnd no
one but you. ,s responsible fot
your st1ccess or fullure. And
most importantly. It Ls che fun­
damtntal, underlying presup­
p(ISition thnt whai ytlu believe,
deep down a, your core, is
righteous.
So whether it's Th{ P(!SS!on of the Ovfst or passion of 1he
Spartacus variety, we coe,ist
nn~at the same lime--<:Ung
tenacit)usly to our own beliefs.
We've go1 • l,1ng ,vay to go. So
i.loes the rest or the world But
lets face II, mrs have ,taned
over a lot less than any ont
of the dozen comenaous is­
sues "dmdlng" us. If you've
never stood up for somethmg
you believe in, nc,·er fought
for something, mayb~ it isn\
Americu that has lost somc­
th111g. Maybe It's )'OU
che Pioneer Log, April 15, 2005 7 ----Features---­
seriously fun Lego Club sprang from joke
PHOTOCOURT£SYBR£ANti"GI~
Fifteen people came to the Lego Club's first meeting in February, including the Lego Club
Viking, Lego Club Pilgrim and Lego Club Troll. Their final meeting is Thursday, April 21.
by Lexie Briggs
Lego Club. one or ihe new­
est clubs on campus. exemplifies
the spirit or studem groups m LC.
Fun, creative and laid back, the
club seems just like another ex­
cuse 10 build things w11 h Legos.
In reality, however, Lego Club has
a social conscience that reaches
beyond ,imple pla.,uc building
blocks.
It began last year as nothing
more than an 111s1de Joke •we
were thinking that this school
had a club for everything." co­
founder Adnan Choudhury ('06)
said. •we thought. 'Mey. why not Legos?'"
"The joke si.aned cxpandmg."
club prcstdem Brie Gibson ('07)
said. As membership in the fake
dub grew, Gibson decided the
time had come to make the Lego
pipedre;im a reality. "I thought we
might as well make it official." she
said.
So they did what any selr-rc­
spccting ncw club would do: they
bought some I.egos and had a
booth m the Acttvities F:ur.
Choudhury said he was sur­
prised at the size or the clubs
membership About forty people
signed up at I he fair and fifteen
10 twenty came to the club's first meeting.
'If at the encl of a tough week
you want 10 do something mind­
less-build thmgs and destroy
tl1ings-tl1en Lego club is for
you." Choudhury said.
·we had punch and pie :u the
first meeting." club mercenary
Autumn Cool ('07) said, "but ev­
eryone WtlS 100 interested in the
Legos. Nobody ate the p,c."
The club embraced the chance
to bond m their first meettng.
"Everyone shared Lego memo­
nes. Almost everyone had one."
Gibson said. "Some people had
been to Legoland and some peo­
ple told stories about iru1ovative
Bumper art covers sticky issues
by Sierra Jenkins
Many Amena-tns wear ,he.lr
hearts on thetr sleeves and thetr
pohttcs on thetr bumpers. A ca­
sual stroll through the Lewis &:
Qark College parking lot may
reveal as much about attitudes
on this cmnpus as the survey of
incoming first-years. From our
geographic origins 10 our life­
styles. any ethnographer should
be drooling.
Ou, of cunosuy, on one week­
day afternoon. I took an informal
survey or 450 cars parked in I he
lower sutIT parking, the parking
by the tennis dome and S1adiu1n,
the parking by SOI\ and the For­
est dom1s. I noted the type of car
and kept tabs on I he bumper
stickers I spotted.
The results or this survey are
perhaps not surprising. The ma­
Jorit)' of bumper stickers were
standard liberal fare, featunng
community and NPR radio Sla•
Lions, the Grateful Dead, Bob
Marley or obscure indie rock
bands and calls for world peace.
not to mention Democratic politi­
cal candidates. l11erc was indeed
not a Bush/Cheney sticker 10 be
round.
The number one bumper sticker on campus was for Kerry/
Edwards 2004, which showed up
on 15 cars out of the 450 cars sur­
veyed, rc,llowe<l by the five Amcr­
tcM flags I spotted. liowever, u ts
wonh noting that three or these
flags were affixed upside down_
Ne-xt runners-up were ·De­
fend America, Defeat Bush."
also showing up five times, and
"Suppon our troops· yellow rib­
bon stickers which were on three
cars. "Think globally. act locally"
showed up cwke..
As for the vehicles beanng
these catchphrases. many drivers
seemed to take a son of thematic
approach to their bumpers. A sin­
gle bumper sticker would open
the way for a 0ood or others.
One Jeep had n\'e bumper
stickers abou1 saving rivers and
one promoting Oy-6shmg. An­
other car had no less than four
animal nghts slickers mcludtng,
"I don, eat anything with a face."
SUVs orten bore more stickers
that four-doors, as they have a
larger display area, usually having
to do witb sl<iing or surfing.
Of course, not everyone feels
the pressing urge Hl politicize LO
other motorists. A tan two-liner
is more useful as a declarauon or
one's personal beliefs than a true
8 Lhe Pioneer Log, April 15. 2005 persuasive tool. With stickers like
"f-lonk for world peace." it is clear
that tl1e driver knows that he or
she 1s preaclung to tl1e choir.
It is not the o"erwhelmingly
liberal nmure of the suckers, but
the dcanh of conservative views
expressed via bumper art that
might say something about cam­
pus culture.
Are conservatives less inclined
to smack a Sti.cker on the back or
their earl A drive out of Portland
would lead me to say no. Would
a conservauve ar LC be less likely
to put a bumper SI icker on their
car?
The ttbiqultous Kerry and
Dean signs that went up io dorm
windows this fall sometimes
seemed a way ror first-years Lo
make rriends. On the other hand,
the few Bush/Cheney signs that
went up were cited as proor that
there are consetvativcs on cam­
pus. They were largely viewed
by campus liberals with bemuse­
ment, anger or admiration for
the brave souls who six-ak up In
a climate where mosl people as­
sume everyone else sees things as
they do.
If LC is reaUy about divt:rsity
and tolerance, shouldn'1 that be
evident on our bumpers? uses or Legos."
Short on funds and supplies,
the Lego club only has the Legos
the)' bought for tbc fair. ·we're
kind of pulling olT having more
meetings until we gel more
Legos." Gibson said.
Cool and a,oudhury ex­
plamed I hat the humor that began
1he Lego dub has continued. "To
solve the housing problems, we
\\Ct'!' going to make a Lego dorm."
Cool explninl!d. "I wanL to lh1e in
a Lego cabin with a Lego cliin1-clubs." Gibson said. The club is
hoping to organize some son of
a charity ball or silent auction In
conjunction with other groups
"We want 10 get dressed up and
eat good food." Gibson said
The club plans on using the
proceeds rrom I.he auction or ball
Lo benefit the communuy m some
form or another. •we were Lhtnk­
mg or bu)'ing I.egos ror the kids
,n hospttals." Gibson said "Orwe
could buy vitamins for kids." She
said the groups involved would
ncy. •
Mem­
bers of
1he Lego
club are
able to
choose
t he I r -- decide the
... the Lego pirate is in exact USC or
h f h L b the fonds
C arge O t e ego 00- Choud-
ty: the club's Legos are hury and
Cool also stashed under his bed. discussed
own honomry titles. Aside from
the two co-founders, the presi­
dent, and the Lego mercen.,ry.
the Lego club also plays host to a
Lego pilgrim, a Lego thug. and a
Lego vikmg. Sornctimes the U1les
mean something. For example.
the Lego pirate is in charge of the
Lego booty: 1 he club's I.egos arc
stashed un<ler his bed. The Lego
rookie never played with Legos as
a d1ild. And the Lego mascot is,
well, a mascot. •
"The active roles are so defined
in other dubs." Gibson s,1id. The
Lego club is ntore open. "L didn't
know we needed a mascoc. but
someone d,ct, • she said, ·Now I
don't know where the club would
be ,vithout it."
The Lego club hopes it can
expand its horizons beyond the
realm or Lcgos. though. "One of
the things we are hoping to do
is foster relationslups with other 1 he possibil­
ity of donating Lcgos to hospitals.
·we should get the big Legos be­
cause they don't want the kids 10
choke on them." Cool said
"That would be bad publicity
for the Lego duh." Choudhury
agreed. •1 can just see the head­
lines: ·ugo club kills sick chil­
dren."'
Even the c.lub's method of call­
ing meetings exhibits their social
awareness. 'We don't abuse our
mailingliSt." Gibson said. Instead.
niers announce the meetings.
Overall, the Lego club seems
10 be a part or a higher mission
for Gibson and other members. "I
hope our dub ts sunple enough
to bring together 01her groups on
campus. We wam 10 create a last­
Ing Lego legacy." Gibson said.
The Lego Club's final meeting
of the year will be Thursday. April
21 in Stewan Main 1.,;unge rrom
8:00-9:00pm.
Bumper stickers
spotted on campus:
-Santa says stop global warming: I don't want to
be ho ho homeless
-Our balls are bigger: Rugby
-Earth first-we 'II destroy the other planets later
-What would Xena do?
-When hell freezes over, I' II ski there too!
-Well-behaved women rarely make history
-Keep Portland weird
-Don't litter! Spay and neuter
-Imagination is your doorway to reality
-My other ride is a mrazda-A r~erence lo
musician Jazon Mraz. who culls his mazda a
mrazda.
-Cowgirl up!
-l'd rather be reading Bukowski- Charle.v
Bukowski was a famous beat writer.
-If you're not outraged, yo\J're not paying
attention
-Real men are kind to animals
-Think. It's patriotic.
-Fuel efficient patriot ----Features----
Pun-fitted student opera opens
by Elizabeth Miller
Carp ct Diva, a studem-writ•
ten opem, debuts at Jonathan
Gibson's senior recital this Sat­
urday night at 7:30pm. Gibson
describes the opem as "a tragi­
comic kwe romance epic between
a woman and a fish. Tale as old
as ume, song as old as June." The
opera was composed by Gibson
and based on a libretto wri11en by and the gist for each of the songs.
After paning ways, Arathoon
emailed Gibson the libretto and
he wrote the music.
"Having the words writtcu for
you is a big motivational kick in
the ass," said Gibson, "Its the eas­
iest lhing I've ever wnuen. I hear
the words and I can just hear the
music.' Much of the opera was
wri11en over the rest of the sum­
mer. and the finishing touches millionaire, are played by Meghan
French ('05), Charlie Ahlquist
('06). and Jeremy Innis ('OS).
The opera is half or Gibsons se­
nior recital, which will involve
nearly thirty per!onners in total.
Gibson began his musical studies
ln the traditional realm of pmno
lessons. but quickly abandoned
that pursuit in favor of choirs and
garage bands. the first outlet for
his compositions.
"If people wane co form
a rnosh pie at my recital,
chat would be pretty
cool," said Gibson. were completed over
,vimer break.
Carp er Diva makes
use or operatic arche­
types, such as the bas­
so-buJTo (com,c-relief
given to a bass singer),
but also pokes some
fun a1 opem while using He began composing music for
01 her musicians during hls soph­
omore year at Le,vis & Clark Col­
lege. Mis vaned musical tastes in­
clude bands such as "They Might
be Giants: "Primus; ·rool" and
"Mr. 1lungle," as well as John
Adams, American composer of
the opera Nixon in 01i11a. These
eclectic influences play a pan in
Gibsons philosophy t0ward pop
music and opera. Katherine Amthoon ('05).
Gibson and Arathoon's opem
involves pun-laden songs. perky
music. a linle melodrama and a
five-foot puppet fish, "lt started
with the puns. I thlnk ... We
staned thinking of silly names for
songs," said Gibson, rdening to
the initial conversation between
himself and Arathoon that dates
to their travels In Europe together
last May.
Over the week following this
first conversation, 1 hey settled on
the title, the characters, the story tlieir traditions. Gibson, who cites
Weird Al and the musical Ba, Boy
among his inJlucnces, believes
that any parody in some ways
worships the original because
such meutulous study or ,he
original is involved in creating a
successful parody. • Any time )'OU
parody something, you're paying
hom.1ge to it," said Gibson.
The opera features student
performers, as well as a puppel
designed and built by a profes.
sional puppeteer. The three. vocal
pans: the diva, the fish and tl1e ·1 want 10 tear do,vn the dis­
LincLions between popular music
and classical music. i don't think
there has 10 be such a rift. I think
they're both legitimate...! tliink
they belong together." He would
also like to see the concert aes­
thetic refomied, and believes that
will be necessary for classical mu­
sic 10 survive. Me sa.id, "if people
want to ronn a mosh pit (\l my re­
cital, that would be pretty cool."
Art history professor leave~
LC to pursue writing full-time
by Rebecca Goldschmidt
How long have you been
teaching at LC?
By the ume I finally retire it
will have been 32 years,
And you teach?
Western An History.
Where did you go to school
and what did you study?
l studjed History and English
at the Virginia Military Institute
for undergrad, and An Hlstory al
Johns Hopkins and Nonhwestcrn
for grad school.
What are your hobbies?
rm a writer, I publish fiction;
I'm a bike rider, I like gardening,
backpacking and cross-country
skiing.
What is the best part of
teaching at LC?
It really is the smdents. I've
had great students over the years.
lf you don't mind me asking,
why are you retiring?
I really do want to write full
time, and retirement is going to
allow me an opportunity to do
that:.
Arc you pan of the commit­
tee choosing your successor?
No, the incumbent is not pan
of the committee.
Oo you think that your suc­
cessor will be able to replace
you?
Oh, I think they can replace
me brilliantly. TI1ey will add
energy, ins.lghts and new ways
of thinking that are vital 10 this
institution, And hopefully there
will be two of me-that is two PHOTO BY ~eeco.GCUlSCKIIOT
Art history professor Stewart Buettner has taught at Lewis
& Clark College for 32 years, and Is now retiring. He will
now focus more on his writing.
Western An history professors. I
think that's going to be a reality
very soon.
If you weren, teaching, you
would be ...
If I could afford it, I'd be writ­
ing full time.
What subje.:ts do you usu•
ally write about?
Loosely speaking, I my writing isl an historically derived.
Do you have anything else
you'd like to add? Anything
you'd like the community to
know?
Its been a great stay. rve tTUly
loved teaching here, and I've had
the opponunities to go else,vhere,
but I just couldn\ get myself to
doit. Distracted
Insightful interactions with
everyday thoughts
by Craig Beebe
A strange realization came to
me this week, amid a flurry of
paper writing and hand wring­
ing about the obligations I have
in the upcoming weeks. it was
the kmd of moment when
age suddenly seems to catch
up ,vith you, when a cenain
feeling-like a shock-stings
through your body to remind
you of passing years, and a dis­
tinct perception of impending
doom sudden!)' makes itselr
known.
It came to me at a forum
hosted by Residence Life a11d
that erstwhile defender of Col­
lege policy, Oavicl Rosengard.
There I was, sitting in Thayer
Ma luesday evening, watching
as the suddenly schizophrenic
Ponland weather changed dra­
matically from clear to hail, as
though re0ecting my own dis­
co,·ery at the same time.
No, oothmg dramatically
new came to me Lhmugh my at•
tendaoce at that session, which
my editors assigned me to go to
(i swear). No new revelations
arose surrounding College poli­
cy. which has of course directed
me full)• down the, er, straight
and narrow path ove.r my years
at the school.
1,1stead, u was my fellow
attendees who led me 10 this
discovery. They seemed 10 be
rnostl)• a crowd or people who
had experienced a few run­
ins \\1th College policy, and
their pointed questions toward
Roscngard were of the typical
narure one sees in people who
don\ like the rules that have
gotten them into rrouble. As
they discussed whether RAs
might be trusted and what Jon
Eldridge does besides "talking"
to people, however, I was struck
by a single fact about these
people.
I didn't know a single one
of them.
Now, that might not sound
that important, and you may
think it is odd that I am bring•
ing it up. But hear me out.
I was never much of a par­
tkr. I swear. Yeah, back in my
days living in Platt West I liked
to party a bit., but i was never
written up or had to talk ,vith
Jon E. or anything. I preferred
to wander the halls a bit, mak­
ing stops in rooms for "conver­
sation." and then passing on.
On a typical weekend I might
have passed through all of Platt
and Howard, meeting up with
friends and acquaintances and
generally having a good time.
That was the way I Liked to do
things.
But through the process I
met a good number of peo•
pie-many of whom are still
good friends of mine-who were pretty big paniers. I got
10 know who had a tendenq•
to drink a lot, who drank too
much, and who didn\ even
bo1her wnh dnnking because
it was ;.too ligh1.• 1 was friendly
with these people, and while I
may not have jdincd in solidar­
ity with them while they got
written up or ran from Campus
Safety, I was aware of who they
were and felt welcome in their
rooms.
But at this meeting on Tues­
day, I didn't know anyone. Herc
I was, sining with the next
generation of partiers, many of
whom seemed like good Mow.
arc! candidates ir they weren't
already living there, listening
to their stories or trials with
the campus judicial authorities.
And not one of them looked fa.
miliar. I relt ridiculous. simng
with a aotepad m a meeting of
people whose type 1 knew but
whose faces I <lid not.
I left early. It was too mu.:h.
I couldn\ laugh at their funny
stories-not because I didn't
think they were funny. but be­
cause I had heard those stories
before and not from these peo•
pie. It ,vas wrong. somcl1ow, for
them to be tell mg those tales.
The. worse realizauon, how­
ever, came later, when I thought
about who l know now. Its not
the underclassmen paniers
anymore, not the kids who got
drunk on the Pi0Ex1iress and
made gcncmlly humorous rau­
cous. No, m)' friends these dllys
are the opposite, which hit me
after the new ASLC elecuons
were announced.
For the first time, 50% of the
s1-uden1 body voted And who
did they elect? My frie11ds.
Yes, thats right. I have gone
from being friends ,vith the par­
tying elite, so to speak, to being
close to the ruling .eJite (also a
joke). I have gone from patting
my friends who'd been written
up on the back. to being best
friends with the guy who will
be iudgmg them.
Where has my youth gone?
Did I betome a senior so fast?
Maybe its living off campus
that's done ii 10 me. Maybe we
just need to redefine what it
means to be ASI.C elite. (lets
just say that not all of the of­
ficers-past. presem and fu.
ture-<ire teetotallers.)
But when youthful panying
suddenly disappears and is re­
placed by smdem goverrutjent,
wha1 happens to that free spir•
it? Al the very least the torch is
being carried on. I saw a forum
full of inquisitive paniers who
confinned that for me. l guess
what's really the problem for
me is that I'm no longerthere to
see ils light.
the Pioneer Log, April 15, 2005 9 -Arts & Entertainment-
One Act Pia The Shins, beer, and more
Pt10TO 8'f' SAAi ST1GL£R
Student written and directed One Act plays were last
weekend. Here students perform Domestication, one of
the five sold out plays shown in the Black Box.
Wordstock arrives
by Lizzy Acker
If you have any interest in
words at all, Ponland\; Annual
Feslival of Books. Wordstock
2005 1s where you wam lo be
from Tuesday. April 19 to Sunday,
April 24. The festival, which in•
dudes just about :mything with
words you cun imagine. from
famous authors LO book fairs lo
panels. plus plcmy of not-exactly
wo,tl Lhings like cooking dem­
onslralions and dinners. is the
biggest literary event 10 ever hi!
Portland. Senously. Ever.
With more authors than can
possibly be counted except by
machine listed on its website,
Wordstock is no Lewis & Cark•
style symJXlsium. Norman Mail­
er, Susan Orleans. Sarah Vowell.
John Irving, Russell Banks and
Ursuh1 K. Le Guin are just a [ew
of the au1hors 1hat will be speak-ing and hanging ou1 at 1he six day
evem that takes place all over
Portland.
They will be joined b)• Pacific
Nonhwesl writers including Craig
Leslie, Robin Cody. Linda Crew,
Gert Boyle (the CEO of Columbia
Sponswcar} and LC's own Vcm
Rutsala in botl1 free and ticketed
appearances tha1 promise to be
awesome and all about words.
With Wordstock lasting as long
as it does 1here is absolutely no
reason you shouldn) go and ex­
perience the real joy of language
In fact, skip class. You get a few
free absences and in the midst
of finals preparation and general
disenchantment wiLh school1 one
missed class lO remember why
you came here in the first place is
well won h the sacrifiee.
To see a run schedule ofWord­
stock go to www.wordstock[esLi,·
al.com. by Lizzy Acker
There IS something about the
Crys1al Ballroom that seems to
invite dntnkenness. It's mulu-lev­
els of bars and the facl that 11 1s
"11l11n stumblmg distance of m)'
apartment bo1h stand In 1he way
of a sober music watching cxpcri•
ence. All that aside, 1 had planned
to S1 ick to wmer a1 las1 Thursday's
Shins concen because I really
like the Shins and really wanted
to hear their musk without be•
ing Incapacitated. Unfonunately.
,he sayings about making plans
are usually m1e and my plan for
sobnety on Thursday night com­
pletely fe.11 through.
At first it seemed exci1ing that
First Thursd;1y was on the same
day as the concen. Two big cul•
tural events In practically the
same neighborhood at perfect
intervals from each other. And
11 was fun, especially after my
friend Pete and I bought a beer a1
Whole Foods and dmnk it on the
street to celebrate being too old
to get a11ytl1ing expunged from
our records ever again. There
were a few cool galleries, bul
the best one we found w:IS the
Adidas store that w:,s displaying
shoes like they were some thing
other ,han the lifeblood or mal­
nourished Indonesian children.
To show our solidanty with the
shoc-sfaves we accepted a free
beer from 1hc Windcmer rep who
had a keg in 1hc comer. Then,
slighlly buzzed but in pe.rfecL
concert viewing mode, I left Pete
and met my Liule bro1her and his
rriends at.the Crys1aL
When I arri vcd they were all
already inside. m line a, the beer
Beautiful CD reviews to read
The Mars VolLa
Frances the Mure
by Jason Simms
It used to be easier 10 defend
The Mars Volta as m()re than n
glorified Zeppelin or Rush tribute
band. Frances is the much an-
1icipated follow-up to the superb
concep1 album De-loused in 1he
Cmnatorlum (2003). is masterfully execu1ed on the
group's debut T,i,mufant (2002).
bu1 this time around TMV may or
may no1 have been stoned when
the}' decided to slow 11 down for
up LO Len minmes al o time. and
the result is often boring.
However. like a teacher being
hard on a promising student, 1his
album would be far r rom d1sap•
poin1ing had It come from almost
any other (less talented) band.
New comers to the band should
pick up De-loused, while old fans
should listen to Franrn for 1he
first time as though it's by a new
band they've never heard before.
Shurman
Jubilee This lime Lhe lyncal concept
is based on a lost diary found by
now deceased band member Jer­
emy Michael Ward. In Ward's ab­
sence, TMV seems to h:we headed
in a pamdoxically classic rock­
yet-ambicnt direction. Wherc.,s
on De-lousrd, guitarist Omar Ro­
driguez-Lope_z frequen1ly played
in bizarre, jazzy scales he prob-by Amanda Skinner
ably made up himself, both he. I'm trying to think of the last
and keyboardist Ikey Isaiah Ow-time a country music review was
ens, seem more blues-based and published in rhe. Pio11eer Log and
predictable on Frances. I just don'! think I can pin that
Though on "I: Via [Viaquez• date down. Luckily. this review
TMV succes.sfully sounds like just can·t quite be classified as
Mexican radio In the T,vilight country.
Zone, the 1ransitions are un-Shum1on, comprised of Aaron
e,,,ectedly pning when com• Beavers. Damon Allen. Jason
pared wi1h the beautiful flow Moore. and Keith Hanna. refuses
or De-lo11scd. Also. 1.he ambient to be classified. Beavers lists Z.Z
imedudes between charactenstic Top, Neil Yotmg. Tom Pett)'. Willie
prog/punk secuons are a liule Nelson. Aerosmith, and ,he Cars
overdone on fro11ces. Ambience among his influences.
1 Q the Pioneer Log, April 15, 2005 The first song on their de­
but album Jubilee. ·orownin'."
is a strange little mix of Lynyrd
Skynyrd and something almost
Weezer-esque. Then there's "Red
Eyes," my favorite, which could
be an Old 97s song if it had more
synaesthesia in the lyrics. But
beware: 1here 1s twang involved.
While not overly prominent, lis­
teners (rom states north (or west.
for tha1 matter) of the Mason­
DLxon line may be taken aback,
Lead singer Aaron Beavers
and drummer Damon Allen met
In a town outside of Atlanta, GA
when tl1ey were young ancl began
dreaming of forming a band. In
1999, that finally became a real­
ity and in 2001 the band sold
20,000 EPs (5 5011gs ro Tell Your
Fncnds About and Supc,fecw) and
played more than 400 shows in
2003 and 2004.
Aflcr producing the CD them­
selves. the band signed on with
Vanguard Records. based in Sama
Monica, Calif.Jubilee was released
on April l2.
So give yourself a break from
all the emo and quiet stuIT you've
been listemng to. Shurman will
change your expectations or
alt--coumry, rock, Amencana, or
whatever you want to call It. garden. I paid my brother back for
the ticket he'd bought me as we
winced at the first nerve grating
openers. the Bnmeucs. and then
my brother bough1 me a beer.
I would have stopped then, I
guarantee. but on my way to tl1c
bathroom I ran into my friend
Mark. who looks like Morrissey.
and a bunch of other guys I went
10 high school with. Now they
were in line ror the bar and the
line was long so I stoocl with them
aod when we reached the bar, l
bough1 myself another beer.
Here is where 1he Story gets
unfortunately blurry. Before the
second openers. the Minders. fin­
ished 1heir set. my friends and 1
went down w Lola's room. When
we came back up Lhe Shms were
playing "Caring is Creepy" rrom
their first album Oh lnvcrtul \Vo1-l<I
and the Garden State Souodtracl<.
I tried to sing along until someone
lold me I had ruined the Decem•
bcrists by singing along and I shut
up. I realized this might be a sign
I was drunk about the same time Mark staned yelling about "lhe
land of enchantment• (a.k.a. New
Mexico. the Shin's home s1ate be­
fore they got wise and moved to
Pon land I.
After that I'm not sure what
they played, though I very cleariy
remember Ill)" friend Kyle look­
ing back ai me and saying. "Nm
bad, huh/" and me responding,
"What's 1101 bad?"
After the show I remembered
that 1 had come with m)' brother.
but I had no idea where he was.
There was talk of going to Ring­
ler's but I couldn't figure oul what
was going on so I just walked
very slowly home.
The next morning I woke up
early \\ith my paja111as on back­
wards and remembered thai I had
gone to see the Shu1S the night be­
fore but had pretty much missed
the whole show. lt was sad in way.
spending $20 on a ticke1 only to
neutralize it with $15 of beer. Bul
then I remembered that the Shins
were playing again in May and I
went and bought my ticket.
PHOTO C()JRl(SY V,"NWTI-IE.SHINS.,CCM
The Shins were in Portland on Thursday, April 7. Too bad
our reporter didn't get to hear too much of the show.
Get off your ass
Seventh Annual Lewis & Clark Salsa Fiesta
Saturday, April 16
Smith Hall, Albany Quadrangle
8:30pm to 12:00am
Music by DJ Juan Piedra y Mi Gente
Free
Sal&\ Lnuno wiU be giving free dance instrucuon [rom
8:30pm to 10:30pm. After that, its all up to you. Who
knows what can happen while )'OU're dancing lhe s:ilsa?
Food ~nd drink will be provided and several prius "ill
be given away.
The Lasl Vegas and Bible or the Devil
Wednesday, April 20
Sabalas (4811 :;iE Hawthrone Blvd.)
9:30pm, 21 and up
These two rock bands \\ill be teanng it up sometltin' aw­
ful at Sabala's in SE. So go and celebrate the coming 1;>f finals
and get w115ted listening to these two hard working Chicago
bands. It pr1;>mises 10 be better than the stuff coming From
down the hall ...
Gratitude, Spilalfield, and Strayligh1 Run
Satucday, April 16
Loveland (320 SE 2nd)
6:30pn1
Sll.00, all ages
These bands will be pla)~ng at 1he building formerly
known as the Meow Meow. Ui.e combma(1on of soun4s IS
sun: 10 be wonh 1he monc)' PltlS. ii~ a Saturday. So get orf
)'Our ass. ----Sports----
Yoga: focus on the third eye Softball wraps up
by Emily Hellmich
Athlete Profile:
by Stephanie Beachem
Age:20
Cius: Sophomore
Home 1own: SI. Paul, Minn.
Major: Environmcn181 stUdies. coo­
nomics
Whea did you first start playlag iu­
als?
"Ten to fifteen years ago."
Who is your favorite professional
1eonls player?
·Googa (GusUlvo Kuerten). ff you're
down with lennil'. you'n: down wit'
Oooga."
Ho"· many professional leallil pbiy­
ers havt you ,k!pt with?
"JUSI my RIISiian sweelllearts Anno
and Maria Olher lhan that ... a whole
slew of referees. ball boys, audience
members, some random people in the
locker room. and Zach Mann."
Do you have aay 1eanls related _pick­
•P lines?
"Tennis players dllll'I need pick up
lines."
Have you ever glYH sexual favors
before a malch in order lo gain aa
advan1age? ·or course. but it wasn ·1 IO gain an
advantage."
Would you ever lose on parii-if
you were _playing a bol girl?
"Fo • sho'. I also l,i>se on purpose when
I'm playing old men, my mother's friends, minor celebrities. Abercrombie
& Fitch models, and Stuffed animals."
Favorite bobby (otllt!r lllaa teaais)?
•'('hilaxin'. I also enjoy wearinrwom­
en's underwear and dllncini,iw Rick
James' ·Superfreak.'"
Is it true tllal tenals players are better
ID bed?
"O please, you're S1Wh a pervert. B111
I mUSI say Iha! il's irue. I can oaly
commenl based on the fc:cdbaclc of the
hundreds of u:nnis groupies l 've balled
in the pas1 fcwmonlhs, but lhey'v~ bc<:n
prclty emphatically positive."
What was your worst or most em­
barassing-team match?
MProbably the lime I was accused of
cheating. I threw a temper lllntnmt and
1old the opposing team's coach 'Sir, Slop
being an asshole,· and after the game I
slep1 wilh his daughicr." by Amber Case lots or pranks on each other!"
Th,s year, the girls played well
againsL tough compeutlon ,n.
duding George Fox, Clnremon1.
Pacific Lutheran, Menlo, nnd
Willameue. In September the
Spring break was
really exciting be­
cause we were up
against some re­
ally cough compe­
tition, bur I chink
we played really
11 " we.
-Emily Strawn.('07)
Athlete Profile:
--Jessika Mora.l,,IWiie._s--1
by Stephanie Beecham
t.ge:20
Class:Jumor
Home Town Long
Beach (LBC) wtlb
Snoop Do~
Major:
lltical Po­
Science
When did you firs1
start playing tennis/
"ThlS season. I
ba,·e been pla)ing for about 90 hours
now. They needed anotherphtyei-and t
had nothingbenenodo so !decided to
give ii a shot Bui l have ncvtr played
belo~ and a coupl~ ol [tiends let me
use 1hu1r mckets for the seasorL Thank
you Smllcy and Sam, you guys n><:k'"
How bas your season been lhls
yea,:?
"ll's being going well. I have won eight
ma1chcs and made iwo girls cry ,md
one have an asLhma atcack. I just wish
I could make them all cry by telling
them ho" long I have been playing. I
bcubcy would feel even stupider•
How often do you pr-,1clice?
"S hours a Week ,n the dome vmh
TIil We work. bard al p{ac.bce buL
matnly have 3 good time. playing. •
Who is your ravoti1c professional
tennis player?
"Don\ know ijny, so I'll go with
lli-my dQUbles partner-'l-au.se she
get~ -.111 1he balls I miss which can be a 101 S<)metimes.•.
Who is 1hr hom,.st 1cnois player?
"Zaclt Mann. duh! He rs a Slud muffin. and
of course the test of the bo)'s tenms team."
Do you ha,·c any 1ennls pick-up lines?
"Haven\ hcarcl any good ones, plus
they are cheesy. lhe girls 1eam c:une up
with this ihough; TcnnLS shons arc good
10 cover your butt and put balls m:'
Wha1's your worst or most embarrassing
tennis ma1ch?
·Probably Ltz and I runmng LU\\> each
other for a ball and falling clown on
my face. hut 11 turned out OK since we
won the p<'.linL Nothing 100 e.-.:ciling."
Favorite hobby (other than lcruris)?
'Volleyball Jnd girl-scouts, but main•
ly volleyball 1 love Lhc spandex•
Whal~ your advice for a novice lennis
player?
• Keep 1he ball m 1hc green. I.el the other
person mess up first, and hnve funl"
the Pioneer Log, April l5, 2005 11 --Publick Occurences--
EVENTS FOR PVBLJCK OCCURENCES ARE DUE AT NOON MONDAY OF THE WEEK YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR EVENT PU BUSHED.
SATURDAY, Downtown Portland WEDNESDAY • •
APRIL 16 2' I Spm APRIL 20 ' ~ • • •
Admissions Open House
Templeton
8:00am
Volunteer ar Zenger
Farm
Off Campus
9:30am
Volunteer at Ronald _Mc­
Donald House
Off Campus
11:00am
Co-Ed Soccer
Tournament
Griswold Stadium
3:00pm
LC World Series of
Poker
Stamm
7:00pm
Senior Composition:
Jonarhon Gibson
Evans
7:30pm
That Takes Ovaries
Open Mic
The Co-op
8:00pm
Salsa Fiesta
Albany Quad
Smith Hall
8:30pm Wind Symphony Spring
Concert
Chapel
4:00pm
MONDA~
APRIL lo
LC Olympics: Gummy
Bear Eating Contest
The Bon
5:45pm
"'vVe've heard it all--now
what?" Taking Action
t\gainst Genocide
Alb,wyQuad
6:00pm
l<ick Ball
Lower Campus Field
6:30pm
Unisex Networking
Event
Thaye,·
6:30pm
Peace Culture: We
Probe
Council Chamber
7:00pm
TUESDAY,
APRIL 19
LC Olympics: Jarnba
Juice Brain Freeze
The Bon LC Olympics: Ice Cream
Eating Contest
The Boo
12:30
LC Olympics: Dance
Dance Revolution
Council Chambers
7:00pm
Celtic Connections
Chapel
8:00pm
Percussion Ensemble
Concert
Evans
8:00pm
LC Olympics: Poker
Tournament
Stamm
8:30pm-Thurs. I 0:30am
THURSDAY,
APRIL21
Earth Day Celebration
Law School
12:00pm
Hands on Portland
Miller I 02
6:00pm
Cantus Chamber Choir
Chapel
8:00pm You CAUGHT MY EYE ...
You: The girl whose true hair color remains a mystery.
Me: Failed dye job.
Wanna get together sometime and show me how it's
done.?
Sexy climber, wouldn't you like to get your hands on
these mountains? P.S. Where
did your swoosh go?
Dear Always Drunk in Lower Odell,
Don't be silly, cover up your willy. There is a time and
a place to whip it out, and drunk on a Tuesday night is
not it. Don't worry, weekends are still fair game.
Hoping for a distraction-free zone.
Sparkle Motion
You: Unfortunate looking psychopath.
Me: Scared and sad.
Cut it out with all the drama. it's done ...
Seen anyone interesting lately?
Want to get in touch?
submit to piolog@lolark.edu
all submissions are anonymous
SUNDA"Xz..
APRIL 11
Catholic Eucharist
Watzek 12:30pm
Workshop for Juniors
Doing Theses Next Year
Howard 12]
4:30pm ~-------;··----------------------------------------------:1"
Don t forget. ..
11:00
Intramural Kickball
Criswo.ld Stadium
1:00pm
Potluck in the Park Life As A Rower On An
Ancient Warship
Miller l 04
7:00pm
WE SPECIALIZE IN DIMENSIONAL HAIRCOLOR
ANO CUTTING FOR MEN & WOMEN
lOCAT!OA~
7~21 SW BAAIIUII IM>.
SUnttl20
PO,mAND OlllGOH 97219
SOS-768-M'Yt
lOCATID ON THE CO!tN[RS Of
BAJNlUR BlVO MO nRWIUIGER Bl\11)
NEXT DOOR TO STARBUO<S COFJU
$5 UWlS & C1ARK STUDENTS Rl:Cl:M A
DISCOUNT ON AU stRVlCl:S WITH STUDENT ID.
Capitol Hwy.
503-246.PAPA Lewis & Clark
Campus Specials!
Large 1 Topping Pizza
$6.99
Delivery or Carry-Out ----
,--2 Large • 7
1-1 Lar~~ 2 Topping 7
11 Topping Pizzas . 2 Liter and Side !
''II --113.99--1 $12.99
__ ,~elivery or Carry-Out Delivery or Carry-Out I ~ -~
12 the Pioneer Log, April 15, 2005 ' I
I
I
I to sign up for summer health insurance!
lf you were on the srudcnc plan during spring S1Cmcstcr
2005, or arc raking summer classes, you arc eligible.
EnrollmeJH fonns nre available 111
the Sn1dcnt Health Cerm:r, Cashier's Office
and alsoonline ar: www.aai•tpa.eom
Questions?
Call Parricia or Brysis ar USI
: (503) 224-8390
~~-------------------------:---------------------~·