Title
The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College's Student-Run Newspaper
Description
[Volume 56, Number 17] [This Weak Magazine]
Subject
Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper
Creator
Pioneer Log Staff
Date
1992-04-01
Format
pdf
Type
Newspaper
Rights
For questions about rights statements, or access to the original document please contact Lewis & Clark College Special Collections and Archives http://specialcollections.lclark.edu
http://rightsstatements.org/vocab/InC/1.0/
http://rightsstatements.org/vocab/InC/1.0/
Full Text
he Pioneer
Us, Pub Occ
uty. Ifyou
debauchery,
inland over
.auseFriday,
midnight, the
,c Assoc ·
.e alive with
a.rge is JUSt S5
. Padraic dri~
• -1sa
rish folk ·
ManusLu
rch 24, 8( nl'!ICI'
7 E. Burnside.
a great big
re to perk up
dnesday, April
en Ida and lhe
Uld at the Mal
;s are $24 for
1with Queen
30 p.m If
omeburger
the show at8
illennium, GI
'calling u~-~
ae Week
1nsecticidaJ
1d aerosol
~chemicals .
;ible to
rol them.
ethods: 1) &..;.,3'
area for your
Wash all
trict pet access
,asements, ere.
~year, more
. Dispose of
;nediately. 4)
y to remove
e population.
~brewer's
vourself, you
fOU by OS
r
!uritto ·MAGAZINE
INSIDE
Everything is hunky
dory at Lewis and
Clark College: A
critical examination.
Pages 2-4
New plans set for
move of KLC Radio.
: Station to begin
broadcast from
Armstrong Lounge by
mid-April.
Page3
ihe '70s megagroup
Bee Gees will begin a
comeback tour with a
concert at little of'
hunky-dory Lewis and
Clark College.
Page4
New bronze sculpture to
be constructed on lower
campus. The new icon
is said to be the "closest
reflection of student
psyche imaginable. "
Page4
Three million witches
executed: A
metaphorical message
for modern times and
movements.
Page2
Student Council finds
$2.74 million in
unreturned bottle de
posit slips stashed in
desk drawer.
Page2 Apri13, 1992 Lewis and Oark College
Lew~ and Clark Presid~nt Michatl IOOOt} tries bis hand at old-fashio ned fa«-to-fa~ communication ~itb tudent.s at a udJ
break beld in Copeland Hall during "inter term. Pllolo(1) by J~ 'i&U
Lo and Behold' You have in thine hands the annual April Fools' Day prank i. ue of. ..
• Blah blah blah blah
BLAH blah blah
Etc. Etc. Blah blah
Ditto blah blah blah
So put on your blinders and happy reading! •
• ~Pa~g~e~2--------------------------- 1Llli ~eaJc ---------------------F r_id_a~y,_A~p_ ri_l3~,1~.
Three million witches executed-metaphors abound in gorie taile
may grow to fear their bodies lhey \\ere posdsed by !he devil), for
by Joe Five-Column noll one WI.'! ashamed of her body'~
of the Pwneu Log nD:)'dnc.<i~
Let 11 be Jcnownc here lhat dur-When the ftrc wu .tt a peek and
ing yc myddle ag~ oi Europe. our lho water did boy). Lhey bog an to
'ct) ancestors did put two l)'1DC' a dryn)ce u a whole from lhc cauldron
milhon devtlJ br'eedintt wtcches to and brewc, and were themselves un
stayle and fyrc, five tyme.s reo harmed by the f}"R'S and Lhc boyling.
thowsmd of \.he5e suc:b ""'itches to I watched ye coven dance for mll.lly
drowne in yc ponds and m1rche$ tydc mynutes more unull saw Lhe body of
fast to ch.mes. and the rest of throe SatAnhun..~lfrizc. mthedisgy7.eofo
million to pcrysh cf~cr deservmg tor man pa.inlcd from head to towc wythe
tures and slow puoyshmena, not blacl. painl, and bound wythe hydes
W\lthout the assistencc of the just about tw baclc and chest and wythe
di~·ic:es of ~enoe. HeR follows tb~e~~ nonu oi a stag growmg from his
fyne tcstimczn and uuen·ewc wythe bearded bead, and with his synfu)
ourconsuble. bcin,thcchief of many parue~poc;cdandraized. Then ~me
such hunts and byrning.s Let it be witc.he · did appro•cb him one at a
Jcnowneherelhathis wordesbeauths time and there perform such synful
and facts of those ayals and of the vice, wylho the dcvill that I could
eviJls and possessions of the devilJ- nyther watdl with myne eyes or re
peat in this testyrnony The dcviJJ too
did !'land in the cude of blue oa.rne.. ..
under ye ttoe and moan and scrcem
like a wyldc animal. At one poynt he
did even chschargc excremen t out
side and urymue wytheout a
watcttlo~ or privy. as did yc witches
as they wyihed. In the beginning ofye.seuon of
Spnngtyme. J did sec whyle hunting
alone and wyme qwet m tho wood
outsyde of the towne, a parade of
young women incireling an oak tree
and dancing aroundc it in a circle. On
ve b&rkof ye saKi oak aeedid groweth • lho biner rose, and from ye circle of
danoelS issued ayes not unlyke beasts
of ye forest and woods nus did
scare andfrigbtenme. f<rthey Wlned
in suche alnJlce !Mt no win or minde
be present in any one of lhem. Then.
undemecthe the gJUI oak one of ye
sa1d women did breake from ye circle
and I)1C 1 blue iyre, with neeither
Oynt nor steel, wlucll hugged ye oak
uee v.-ythout b)'T1Ullf. the buke nor
the biuer rose. And atop this fytt
they did heeve a large ctuldron in
which they did toss mushtoollb and
small ammal organs. Wtth
astmyshmc:nll then chd \IJ)"tnCSS lbesc
ladye$ remove thea blue gannents
UJlO C:.l Utem UliO 1hia ~ ooe b)'
one until the Jot danced wilh bare
bosom and na.kyd th.igh around lhe
oak, saccming and wailing all the
more. I then did knowc for shure that ln the morning I d1d return to
lh.is same spot, and nyther the gnss
upon which they did dance was
trampled, nor was the b.uke a bow the
oak bymed. nor the cole!!~ from the
fyre visible. I did blow then wythoul
a doublthat they be in league with the
devill's mag1ct, and since l did re
member the faces of all that da.nced
that Apnl night. I did gathere my
brother.;, ye lou all good Chri.'lltians,
and we did wythe torches aflame
hunte the witch~ of ye hamlet. for
most were spynsters or young
wenches who did live alone and
woulde not speak to the men of ye
hamlet unless forced
A!t we men dsd Fyndc lhe ftm
young wench of ye coven and drag
her from her h~ .. we did ftnt m
spcct hertosec if me be <;U.lla virgine,
and .u me did watl and scream and
LET THE R A RESERVE
PAY YOUR STUDENT LOAM.
We here at Re:1dence Life are lookmv. for
rhe ~Trongezt 01 the Strong, studentS VhO
ere able to enforce college pohcies and stand
by theu-admirustrators Vtth pnde. And hey~
per_baps vou may make frtends Vltb the rest dents
vhd~ you en_force the college pohctes.
We will proVIde free room and board
lf you can·~ handle u. then vork arBon Awetit
Think about at. Thtm think
about us. Then call.
1-800-768-HOPP
.All YOUUMa RA .RESERVE would not submytc, we knywc be
fore we did prove. through. tnspccllm
thai she be indeed wytho the dev1ll
Sht did make such a howling when
we did byndc and ra)')e her on a
stayke thai tho res to of yc wilches of
yo towne did come to us and ay u
they myte to stop tho clerumg And
many of thorn T did see that Apnl
mght llfOund yo oak. so that we did
byrne them with our brandes as they
were t'Vlll, and drawn to the smell of
ye Ocsh of yo fynte bymina witch
Many of them carryed books m
their h.ulds for they could reed the
devill's magick. and tho wnllng, all
in code..~ and crypt1c spell~ and
pocmes. beyedevill'sworking. And fore we wall abs<rb your hatred and
bo kallcdl"
And yet a thyrdc. a man no
dowte, dld msulto ye scholars and
c..bante of chaos as we routed the
devil out of hun:
"Don't you undcntand yet, my
brothcn? Thero grows such a trend
these days, like a c:anceT among the
bra1ns of the educated. that humans
arc disconnected from tho Barth, and
that the plants and animw must be
domesllcatcd and that the forests must
be mown tnto tdNhstJc gardens With
right-angles and straight lines. Just
because you with unenhghtencd
nunds cannot understand the forms
"And yet a tltyrde, a man no dowte, did
insulte ye scholars and cltante of chaos as
we roasted the devil out of him"
these watches that came to the bymmg
of the fyrne did yell such wyrds u
these, m code and dovlll toungc:
"So thtS is what you will do to all
of us who do not behevo m your
'scu:nce.' you who have no love for
nature and caJJ yourselves 'higher'
and • superior· and 'above· the Earth? J
When wall you reahu that the Earth
is your mother, and that the arumab
and plants are your brothers and sts
ters? WhCll will you begm to feel tho
truth 1nstend of dcny1ngyourroots on
the basts of your rauonaluy and de
structtve unagmations? Most of you
cannot even feel love anymore, but
only hatred or, as a complement , de
sire for the manifestations of your
imagmary adeaJs, wbtch rs not roal
\ovo of what ni1U II ~l. bu~ only
inteUectual .s1clcness and malaise •·
And another did yell
blasphemyes at ye Church:
"Christ understood the rclotion
slup of nature and the worlc:ing.s of the
universe to human feeling, compas·
sion, and love for all things. For
Christ, all things were good, and even
those who would murually destroy
each other shall be embraced. So lilce
your Christ, we will not res.ast you nor
bate weapons against you men, for
we know that it is better to dle for
what you believe than to surVJve by
killing others. Every woman you
bum parallels the crucifix1on· Then:-of nature and the natural patterns,
because to you they appua 'diny,'
'unudy,' or 'w1ld.' does not mean
that there l.S no order behmd nature.
But I understand : you are afratd
You have no desue to look inward 10
fmd solutions to your problems so
mstead you gaze outward, and de
stroy aU thatyoucannotseeorunder
stand Wlth the bghts of your ounds.
Don't you know: Many thmgs come
out only m the dark."
And ye last wllch we bymcd
remayned the leader of them all, so
that there be only a single womn.n left
m the entyre towne who was not
secrelly in league with the devill, dtd
prophesy ye fm*"" andult£ a amse
on us before ~d byrne lykc )IC.
rest.
"llus may be the last of us you
now destroy the last of the earners of
real knowledge and love. You have
burned our boob and oow you bum
our bodies. What will become or the
future genenttons who Will never
know of our existence? You wtll
surly teach your children of domina
uon: you will teach them to alienate
themselves from lherrroots; you will
show your boys bow to rape the sod
and teach your daughters to enslave
themselves as children with restriC
tive clothmg and paint and perfume
to dtsgwse any reality so lhat they hate ooc another
You w1ll dcsi gn
~oes. bodices. gudlcs and hP~IIa
You will pour uphah over
meadows a.nd grind millions of
mto paper upon wluch you c:u
your money and book.s which
hypnotize your children so that
lose all of their ctuldhood lceh!
and replace them with 'real facta.·
You Will build mactuotJ
wtll replace every unc:omfortab
you feel, so that you become
numbed m your affluence, and
your muscles, mtellectual a.od
uonal a.s well a.s ph~1 cal, wtU
away unless you don 'headpb.th
(to mule the sound of the trucb011
stde) and run on 'treadrmlll' """KI
nowhere unlll your muscles
'toned' so that they resernblolhe111
ward appearance of the
photographofthcwomanonlbecllll
of one of your nwnerous 'mail
catalogs. •
Your children ClOd graJldchilck
Will never read of us m the nu11:
books they wall wnto, nor wtll
ever understand that we WC~C
thing but h.tndrances 10 tho ClCVIM
ment of the uctVdtl.lliO n" that
have grown LO 'love, • 1 pity them.
they w1ll not be taught how \O
n.ny differently, and tf anyone
to real11e the horror of their sii\WiQ
they w11l be exter nunated as wcrnt
Perhaps the most we can
for ts that these new revolutiOill
IC.'>-lbC.SC gJ'CII
of yours, wtll also be called 'w•
before they dte m thcrr nort-vi•tllc
protests For now ts a time of a
cxtinct1on. and perhaps, like LMa
nosaurs of old (who will cvc:ntu~
.Wclyour m•cbmu).. a1l...lha1. \IUI.LII
loft of our feminist revolt agatml
misgUidedn ess of your • science, •
be our ashes and a few bon~ at
bouorn of Lhc lake "
And ~o th~ did they bvm!!
seven men sorcertrs and all
towne's womensavcono, who'
bMd had lceptc her faythefully
locke and key for yeas so she
not have been piltt of the ... :,,>~..
coven. Thereby, weclensedye'"""
of aU sm. and payved the way for
stong myndcd-sons of ye future,
they ~hnlte never know of the
passed before us that Spnng. unO:
ye Bclune fyres of Apnl
Student Council finds $2.7 4 tnillion
ASLC member finds age-old bottle deposit slips
by MoseS. Lake
oftht Pionur Log
Funds totalhng $2 74 miUion
were found in the back of a desk
drawer. according 1.0 ASLC Vice
President for Budget and Finance
Zach Street.
"1 just OJX:ncd the dmwer-1
think I wa" looking for a rubber
bandorapapcrcliporso melhing
and there it was," he ')illd "1 just
about took u dump in my pants, ·• he
added helpfully.
Acc()rdJng wSr.rcet.. the money
is apparently the result of scvcmJ
yean;' worth of unreturned bottle
dcpo!.'ll slips. ''hju!;t1.ept accumu
luung year after year "
SomeASLCcounc il member ~
have not yet confinned the eAist
ence of the find. "Whnt $2.74 mil·
lion?" 58.id an anonymous ASLC
official. "I dOn't know anything
about any S2.4 million. Who ever
heard of something as stupid as findmg S 1. 74 in a desk drawer? If
anyone on ASLC were to find$ I 2
million in a desk dmwer.l'd be the
ftN to know. believe me. TeU you
what: I'll form a studem.fnculty
commiuce 1.0 decade what to do
with the $574,000 fLrStlhing next
Spring. Now if you'll excuse me.l
have .mappointmemat the Porsche
dealer_ ..
Various student groups have
already bc.cn lmcd up 1.0 gel addi
uonal fondmg from the new money
One of the firM purcha.'\Cs planned
as a gutflounc, for usc by Campus
Safety, the French Club. Lhc Resr
dence Hall~ Office, and the Chancr
Commission.
In uddiuon, S 100.000 wiU go
to Pacture 11us Productions to tund
Arjun Schuue • s newest project,
LCHGHD'JV (Lewis and Clark
lfoloGraphi c High Defimuon Tele
vision).
"I was really quite ecstatic
about the money," snid Schutte. 'lhe nellt lhmg we would tikc
look m10 cs LCTV V cnual
tty that would really bnng
message home. "
The admantstrauon l5. n:nnn
edly looking mto 1mportmg cn(lUil
ivy from Columb1a Universuy
cover every st.anding swuoa~
body on the enure ~mpu'>. "H:
even wan~tocovcrthcdJmn treeS.•
said one offJcml who wished
rcrnamanonymous for fC<lrof dCalh
In ilddition, an l C Polo fears
will be founded. includang 26 Thtt·
oughbrcd horses, a sLable houts:c.
four stable altcndanL'>. und a soo~u
dmang roorn/wtnc and c hcc'\(! hnU
A student center wtll be cswb
lishcd, wilh a Dasco Dance Aocr
1:111daRoller Derby Rink to goalooS
walh a new CApanded vadeo game
room mcluding the new hit vidCD
gumc.s "Slash and Bum. ''"Opprt.$1
the Poor,'' and "Homele ~ Roadkill
Derby." LC to mov
by Salv~dor Dolly
of 1~ Pibn.ttr Log
Accordang tO DenniS Madso1
presldent for swdent affau
Radio wiU be moved tni.O ll
rong Lounge in OdeJJ Mnn~
"We haven't actually figun
me exact cost or whether d
the least bilfeasibl
we're going LO go ahead aa
several thousands of dolls
wast.e days on the prOJC
-"""," saad Madson.
AbOUt the only t.lung that
as thatlhe umeframe. Le\11
Clatk conuacted the servio
tndependent archii.CClure ru
firm to set down t1
and construcll<
~~ule According
.-nlattves of the fum {La~
Harclv. Ltd.), construCtion w
on the new stauon "n~
(April 11) and should 1
1e~ by "about lunchtirn
(April 13).
The actual move of the statit
lake place between Tuesd
Fnday. Apnl 14-17. The nc
wtll be tested and a1
ons fixed over
AccordJ.ng LO Mads(
udnllirustnllOOt wtll"guarante
t!U..~ wdl be up and runnmg
Monday "orTuesd
~ absoluiC latest.." he saad.
KLC General Manager MJ
~nd. upon getting word
move yesterday, reportedly (
oshock and is presently lisll!
condition at Provaden
Cri1ne
~~~~~~~
MaJCh 29 LO Apn
March 29Lb-Swdcnts roul
Campus assaulting a studetl
Andrew Dace Clay T-s
Buchanan '92 pan
March 30lh-Burmng p
boxes and dehvcry untfo
hmdPlaU·Howarddorm,SJ
ftre reading "they fared m
March 31st-Bon AppeUl
under 'vo1ce control' bites
March 31st Evans Mtlsi
fessor found touctung a
soons.
April 2nd-Gra ffiti on
·Help' I'm being held
OSPRIG office.!!"
The Pioneer
, Editor in Cbi~f:
\tunaging F.ditor:
'lews Editors:
Features Editor:
Contributing Staff:
Cm1g Coss, Jnm•c Mill.
In case you huven't ul
t'ISue of tlu: Prtmar Log
(thank God) pr~nk tssue.
purely fictiuous and arc
satirical run, 'o please
Needless to ~y. absolu .....
lh.is issue necessarily .... n.-..l
of Lewc; and Clark
H.aii'PY reading! 3, 1992 p 3
~~--------------------~ 1lhis ~ealc -------------------------a~g~e
taile
lar their bodiea
r
essgn htlhhtt.
irdl c.s and u PSIII<i
ur asphalt OYCf
"ind millions or
which you WI
books which
childn:n so that
• childhood
n with 'ru.l faQl
)Uild machmet
;ry uncc:nnf<lntlli.
you become
affluence, and tl
)tellcc:tull and
Is pbystcaJ, Will
'-' dOD -hCIUipbillll
IOd of the trutb
'treadmills' 'llllltl
your muscles
tey resemble the
10 of the aubJnu
of us m the hulQ
write, Mr will
I thaJ we were II"\
:OCCS tO the dCVI:Im
vilization" that
ove.' I pity thetn,l
taught how \O
and if anyone
TOr oflheirsttwllia
nrunatcd as wert,..,
in their non··Violc
w is a time of a
perhaps, like tho
who will evcJtUUillj "_C to move to Arntstrong Lounge
by Salvador Dolly
oft~ Pi.onttr wg
Accordmg LO Dennis Madson.
prtSsdent for swdent affairs,
Radio will be moved mto l.hc
Lounge in Odell Manor
"We haven't actually figured
!he e.xucl cost or whcl.hcr the
usac:u.&aJU) thcleastbatfca siblc,
we're gomg LO go ahead and
scveml thousands of dollars
waste days on the proJect
llftl, .. srud Madson.
AbOUt the only thing that lS
lS that the urnefmmc. LeWIS
Clark contraCted the services
tndependent archttccture and
farm to set down the
~-,.,lans and constructJon
ule According to
resetlUI.Uves of the fum (Laurel
• Ltd.), construction will
on the new stauon "ne~t
rrlav" {Apnlll} and should be
)Je~e;u by "about lunchume,
MaY~ (April 13).
The actual move of the station
talce place between Tuesday
Fnday, Apnl 14-17 The new
won w1ll be tested and any
oncuons fu:ed over the
According to Madson,
um:stratJon wall"guarantce"
KLC wtll be up and runnmg by
followmg Monday "or Tuesday
absolut.e latest," he said.
KLC General Manager Marc
upon getting word of
•"'"'"" yesterday, reponedJy fell
oshOck and is presently lasted m
condwon at Prov1dcnce Hosp1tal. He could not be reached
for comment
The space left in Templeton
College Center after KLC as
relocated WJU be used to house new
offices for the Grounds/
Landscaping department .
According to Madson, moving the
Grounds/
Landscap1ng ~lntion will be beaten, shot, and
forced to clean up FieJdq Dining
Hall for the rcmwnderof the term •• • she contanucd.
Moreover, new restrictions wtll
be placed on paruc•pat&on in KLC.
Only "faculty, ~ta.ff ,and prospective
department mto
Templeton w111
create a more
efficient, ''one-stop
shoppmg'' effect for
swdentsmtereSted in
sotl.
"The way we
figure, you· ve got
OSPIRGdown there,
and they're "We haven't actually figured
out the exact cost or whether
the plan is actually the least
bit feasible, but we're going to
go ahead and sink se"Deral
thousands of dollars and
waste days on the project
anyway" · -Dennis Madsen
concerned with the Vice Resident for Student Affairs
environment, and so
are the
groundskeepe.rs, so why nol7" said
Madson. ln addJtion, movang the
Ground.s/LandScapin g office 1010
Templeton Will further the
bwtding'suseasa "student center,"
he said.
According t.o officials in Odell
Manor, some new regulauons will
be placed upon KLC once the move
lS completed. "The fll'St and most
amponaru rule as that no poetry c.11n
be read over lhc cur or, m fact,
anywhere m thestauon •t.sclf, ~d
an anonymous offictal. "Anyone
caught
reading
L.\f'~ ltJ • poetry lfl
l h e studeniS and lheir parents .. will be
allowed to have rad1o shows
between the hours of 8 am. and 4
p.m. Regular LC students will be
allowed tn the stabon after 4 p.m.
and on weekends
StudenLS in the rndio ~tation
after 4 p.m. and on the weekends
will be required to have a Campus
Safety esc on a1 aJl limes. DJs must
scrub the noo~ and wall<; of lhc
radio santion ~fore leaving each
eventng.
nes). a)ltbaL >!U·:u..u ~--_...___._ _____ ..._ __ _, -.. ' .. PA\.J\NllNE HELL-· list rovoh ag ain.~llll
lfyOUT'scicnce, ·
:f a few bones at
.kc"
m. did they bvm:
rcerers and all
saveone, who's
;'leT faythefully
>T yeers so she
part of the wi·u :liC
, we clensed ye ton
wved the way r ......
10ns of ye future,
1r know of !he
$ !hat Spring, uooc
of April
Lllion
& we would hkc ~
:TV V IIluaJ Real
If really bnng m r Critrtebeat
~~~~~~~~~~
March 29 to Apnl 2
t.1arch 29th-Students found on Lower
Campus assaulung a swdent wearing an
Andrew Otce Clay T-shtrl and a
Buchanan '92 ptn.
March 30lh-Bunung ptle of pizza
bolles and delivery un•forms found be·
lund Piau-Howard donn. SJgn found near
fll'C reading "they fued me "
March 31st-Bon Appeutcmploycenol
under 'voice control' bites campus dog.
March 3l st Evans Music Hall-pro
fessor found touchmg a !>tudents' bas
soons 7 ' ~N~ QU€.51\0NS~ r
CLASS? I }
'l
1stranon is report April2nd-Grnffition Templeton wall:
pam porting enougt "Help! l'm being held prisoner in lhe
nb10 Universsty li1 .__o_s_P_R_IG::.....:.o_ffi_•c_e ..... l !_" ______ ___,
~nding stalionaq
1tire campus. "ft
vc.r the damn LrCOS.
W who wished
)usforfcarof
1 an LC Polo Te31D
includmg 26 Th<J·
s, a st.ablc hou~,
dant.s, and a SDC<:•a~
ne nnd cnce~ llill.l.
enter will be ~wbo
)isco Dance AOO'
by Rink LOgo al(JII
anded vtdco gumc
the new hit v·,.IJIA'
1d Bum," ''OtiPte
Homeless RoadJrJU The Pioneer Log staff
f.ditor in Chief: Scou Erickson
Mana~in5t Editor: Janet Miller
News F..ditor.;: Rachel Carter
Em• Endo
Feature!» £.ditor:
Contributing Stoff:
Cmtg Coss, Jurnac M1ll. Adolfo Gat?.n
Greg Carlson,
In c.nse you huven't already nouced, this
L\'\Uc ol 'l'ht Pionar Log •~ t~ once-yearly
(thank God) pl".lnk •~su~ All the anic les arc
purely lictittous and rue meant in good.
satirical fun, !\O plea~ t.akt: them as such.
Needless to say. absolutely NO'rniNG in
lhis issue nccc~ ly repre~nts the opinion-.
or Lewis and Clurk College us a whole.
Happy reading! [• r.)
_j~ ~ c-
--~
J ... ) Tttf
r:~~rsso&~
Ice t~m Dtssrns
SLttcT fmKs
UnOCRGROunn Ccrnx ~:~~/f. 1"11. & AuT C.mr~Y
314 ~ 0111
OPeN ],'*TE:
Missed the General Interest Meeting
becau-;c the editor was LOO lal.y to put out any son of notification unul
a couple o( hours before the meeting w-.tS lO be held?
Come to the Log regular staff meetings: ever)'
Monday at 6:15p.m.
_ ..
-..
-
--
,
~o.
~=:::::::~~~,.._.,~ /!!!
.. l ()'
~ ~
~
- 1 _ra~g_e4---------------------------- 1Lhis ~eaJc ---------------------~_ id_a~,_A~p_ril_3~~
Bee Gees to reunite; play comeback concert at LC
by Otter R. '&ycle
of the PibMtr /...()~
ln a rare and touchmg moment
in rock and roU history. all mem
bers of the newly reunited seven
ues s~-group the Bee Gees em
brnced e:k.h other in cclebrnuon of
their nx:ently-announccd college
tour.
.. This is so exciting .. srud &rt)·
Gibb, bilnd member. "J ve been
waiting for )"C3J"S for th(' kids to
rodi.!O>ver u.~"
The band \S .. \lllflDg the sev
cnues revival wave onto Amcric.1' s college.• cnm·
pusc.. ... " accord·
mg 10 the new
band manager
Chcsru "Bhnd
Scruaming Cu
wmbu ·Rock. "lVIzettever I llear tll'e1tt belt out 'You ca11
tell by tlte way I use ttty walk/I'm a
lvonrau's tnau, 110 tinte to talk' I get a little
t~ostalgic. Makes me reuze1nber ~ny ntol-tt's
tuna casserole.'' generallon dusts
off Lheu plut
fonn shoe.c; and
rediscovers the
joys of wash
and-wear poly
ester
The Bee
Gees v.ill pia)
Lew a sand Cla..rl
College on Fri-
day,AprillO, in lheAgncsAanagan
Chapel.
"According to our polls, Lhe
seventies are big on the LC cam
pus," said Rock. "We hope to reach -Seth Biggs, sophomore "I feel
l'mgetungback
to my roots,"
satd Seth Btggs,
quite a few fans with thas concert."
LC isn't the only place where
the ern of chest halt and CorvetteS
is makmg a comebat:.k Bands hkc
the Bee Gees have expcnenced a
nse 10 populanty as the college-age sophomore. "Whenever I hear them
belt out 'You can tell by the way I
use my wallc/l'm a woman's man,
no time to talk· l get a hnle nostal
gac. Makes me remember my
mom's tuna casserole." "We ·r~ delighted at the
to host such a renowned band,
Campus Events Con1rrt
George Fncndly "And we'
lighted that ChesLer thinks uur.
pus worthy. In fact, we·~
ucklcd pmk with this whole
The Bee Gee's college
wall start an the Nonhwest
lockofJ at Evergreen College,
then move~twardacrossuJCa
unent, wmdmg up wnh a blow,
concert at the Univer.my of
sas.
"Welove the R1dgebacks,
Robm Gtbb, "and they love
Proposed bronze pacifier sculpture to be erected on lower campus
Trustees give the OK for Harring pacifier
Last Wednesday . the Board of
Trusmes approved the plnns fOI' the
erection of a giant bronze pacifier
designed by international artist
Keith Harring. scheduled to be
in. Willed at the end olJ une. Because
the sculpture poast Jndei\Xjuencc. "Goody goody
goody goody goody ... Goody
goody goo."
Harring tclt l.hatagiam pacaftcr
wasappropriateforthccollcge "As
a mental institution of highest
caliber, 1 sec
willnse 18foo
from the
surface of the
reflection
pond, it will
c ffec t h·el y
become the
new beacon #As a ntental institution
of highest caliber, I see
nothing 1nore
appropriat e for tlte
cantpus." nothing more
appropri<Hc
for the
campus. The
erect pacifier
renecls the
auitudc of the
student-body
a n d
centc~picce for the college.
'lo my way of tlli:nlcing, I thinlr.:
we're honoRd tO have a piece of
:-uch historical SJgruficance and
delicious tast.e a1 Lc wis and Clark.··
said a noted arl depanment
professor after the dcciSJon. as a non
violent youth collaborative which
has reached the level or 'maumty
where they no longer need thelf
parenL'i' direct suppon, but rely
insi.Cad on mochnnacaJ conuwances
to stop them from c.rymg." arr take
wtll assume UP
by Scott Eric.kton
of the Pwnu.r Log
'f'ICC Presadent Cor Academic )
,sus.an Resnccl: Pan will soon ll
lilt prc:~t lengthy title for a ne
one: PresidenL
The board or uustec.J of The u
of Pugct Sound in Tacon
annou:nced on March 13 d
.,Will become the uruvc:naty's 1!
She will be replllCUlg PhihpPhib
hAS been pres1dc:nt at UPS sd
Phtbbs is a Conner profess01
4 wa:.not intending to leave ho
"I think thiU tlus is an ex1r1 . .. opporturut)'.
Although there were 250 ap
for the poSJuon. Pur was not'
·~~em. Her name was instead nd
to the pre51dential search ~
in January
The search commauee unJ
mt~vrccommcnd ed Parr 10 the l
of tTUSt.ee.s on March 12.
amplin]
by Rachel Carter
of w Pionur Log
Robert Pamplin Jr., c.hairman
I'Gtec:S.. has thrown down the
and Clark College commWl
He has agreed to dona1e a tod
Apparently, the bronze will be
cast in Salem and hclicopt:ered to
the campus. where the anist will
then paint the sculpture red. &mng
wiU be acrompanicd by the Lewis
and Clark K:azoo ensemble while
painting. The complete sculpture
will be fmished in coordi:n=u.ion with
this year' sscnior ansbow x.hcduled
for June 4-11, and I1USlCCS
predict that the sculpture
should remain standing for Harring also has emphasized
the gender-balanced nature of the
bronze. noting ho't\ the sculpture
mimics a nipple projecting high
into the air like a ph a 1J u.'i. The artist
fmally signed a relea~ ensuring
that he would not be held
occoun&.able for injuries resulting
from students playing on the
sculpture. the n:novations and CJtP_lll
·J~W~L.it ~ru:y.providcd mem~
alwnru or staff can beat ~
iysieal fitness. l, 1n an auempt to generate d
l' -lr-<:, }".,._-:~bM: :l •led 10 complet.e the Wauek
the entise week.
"h'~ DOl lha1 the swdent
body wilJ vehementJy disJike
the sculpture and auemptto
remove it-on the contrary.
we believe to see so many
students sucking oo t.he
sculpture lhaL first week lhat
it's bound 10 dissolve by lhe
11th," said a College of Ans
and Sciences .A-:-· auuuulSU'ator .
On one hand, some
students have expressed
apprehension regarding the
board's decision, however.
"Goo goo ga. gigi waga go.
Bibi bi? Boo! Boo!"'
remarked English major
Dikhc it ElttiJ. Elw1 finds the
sculpture offensive and
inappropriate for an
institution of such rugher
learning, and he confronted
the artist wilh raised bottle at
last Wednesday' s board
meeting.
On the ocher hand, other
studenli celebnuc the board·~
choice with Oying dia:pus.
One philosophy major
articulated her praise with An architect'-. drawing of lhe proposed bronze statue for lower campu. ~.
• • oil ••
h e i-o l you( fflinl ?
you want fo ~ rJ.tc.es fAr,
If you &.o) fhe() ht .sure to atten~
1:~ ?
IS a sfvt4,.f qr~ •
o sfv~"fs '<~~o fu.ve. ~ken 't .-t of c ),m,•.tf"' 1111&._ 'Ve.. J 8,_
t~ E /V1 I of ! t t • ~ ~
l f't'~ f,
M(' c discs to jo\1\. •
G NERAL ltvTerusr
Syu;d 8"e~t l~.},rer-including all~ay spotU act
and a dance lS being pla.nxu:d,
The event. tenwively called
.. is scheduled for Ma
Pamplin can do a rope elim
push ups. 625 sit-ups t.n 15 1
III4JI:IS. Oifferemstandards will
• • want to partlCspat.e.
Anyone who feels he or
is welcome to try. and P
lcutain specific amount for cac
him in my event'.
"I wutt the l..C conununity
lllbng a million dollars for
The c:ateh is, studcnu mu
to secure the donation.
Frohnmeyer ""aa••aa
The fonner NBA eh~
adected \0 Jive the commence
Turbo Dave
P'md out what makes ru.·IOi
Party up
Be cool and drink.
Huristw will show you how tQ
Joe.
Softball team vic
L.C women'• soflball tcu1
RICOTd of 6-3. I
Gender Studies
Sec the special four·
Cullacbcdulc or events.
Us, Pub Occ
uty. Ifyou
debauchery,
inland over
.auseFriday,
midnight, the
,c Assoc ·
.e alive with
a.rge is JUSt S5
. Padraic dri~
• -1sa
rish folk ·
ManusLu
rch 24, 8( nl'!ICI'
7 E. Burnside.
a great big
re to perk up
dnesday, April
en Ida and lhe
Uld at the Mal
;s are $24 for
1with Queen
30 p.m If
omeburger
the show at8
illennium, GI
'calling u~-~
ae Week
1nsecticidaJ
1d aerosol
~chemicals .
;ible to
rol them.
ethods: 1) &..;.,3'
area for your
Wash all
trict pet access
,asements, ere.
~year, more
. Dispose of
;nediately. 4)
y to remove
e population.
~brewer's
vourself, you
fOU by OS
r
!uritto ·MAGAZINE
INSIDE
Everything is hunky
dory at Lewis and
Clark College: A
critical examination.
Pages 2-4
New plans set for
move of KLC Radio.
: Station to begin
broadcast from
Armstrong Lounge by
mid-April.
Page3
ihe '70s megagroup
Bee Gees will begin a
comeback tour with a
concert at little of'
hunky-dory Lewis and
Clark College.
Page4
New bronze sculpture to
be constructed on lower
campus. The new icon
is said to be the "closest
reflection of student
psyche imaginable. "
Page4
Three million witches
executed: A
metaphorical message
for modern times and
movements.
Page2
Student Council finds
$2.74 million in
unreturned bottle de
posit slips stashed in
desk drawer.
Page2 Apri13, 1992 Lewis and Oark College
Lew~ and Clark Presid~nt Michatl IOOOt} tries bis hand at old-fashio ned fa«-to-fa~ communication ~itb tudent.s at a udJ
break beld in Copeland Hall during "inter term. Pllolo(1) by J~ 'i&U
Lo and Behold' You have in thine hands the annual April Fools' Day prank i. ue of. ..
• Blah blah blah blah
BLAH blah blah
Etc. Etc. Blah blah
Ditto blah blah blah
So put on your blinders and happy reading! •
• ~Pa~g~e~2--------------------------- 1Llli ~eaJc ---------------------F r_id_a~y,_A~p_ ri_l3~,1~.
Three million witches executed-metaphors abound in gorie taile
may grow to fear their bodies lhey \\ere posdsed by !he devil), for
by Joe Five-Column noll one WI.'! ashamed of her body'~
of the Pwneu Log nD:)'dnc.<i~
Let 11 be Jcnownc here lhat dur-When the ftrc wu .tt a peek and
ing yc myddle ag~ oi Europe. our lho water did boy). Lhey bog an to
'ct) ancestors did put two l)'1DC' a dryn)ce u a whole from lhc cauldron
milhon devtlJ br'eedintt wtcches to and brewc, and were themselves un
stayle and fyrc, five tyme.s reo harmed by the f}"R'S and Lhc boyling.
thowsmd of \.he5e suc:b ""'itches to I watched ye coven dance for mll.lly
drowne in yc ponds and m1rche$ tydc mynutes more unull saw Lhe body of
fast to ch.mes. and the rest of throe SatAnhun..~lfrizc. mthedisgy7.eofo
million to pcrysh cf~cr deservmg tor man pa.inlcd from head to towc wythe
tures and slow puoyshmena, not blacl. painl, and bound wythe hydes
W\lthout the assistencc of the just about tw baclc and chest and wythe
di~·ic:es of ~enoe. HeR follows tb~e~~ nonu oi a stag growmg from his
fyne tcstimczn and uuen·ewc wythe bearded bead, and with his synfu)
ourconsuble. bcin,thcchief of many parue~poc;cdandraized. Then ~me
such hunts and byrning.s Let it be witc.he · did appro•cb him one at a
Jcnowneherelhathis wordesbeauths time and there perform such synful
and facts of those ayals and of the vice, wylho the dcvill that I could
eviJls and possessions of the devilJ- nyther watdl with myne eyes or re
peat in this testyrnony The dcviJJ too
did !'land in the cude of blue oa.rne.. ..
under ye ttoe and moan and scrcem
like a wyldc animal. At one poynt he
did even chschargc excremen t out
side and urymue wytheout a
watcttlo~ or privy. as did yc witches
as they wyihed. In the beginning ofye.seuon of
Spnngtyme. J did sec whyle hunting
alone and wyme qwet m tho wood
outsyde of the towne, a parade of
young women incireling an oak tree
and dancing aroundc it in a circle. On
ve b&rkof ye saKi oak aeedid groweth • lho biner rose, and from ye circle of
danoelS issued ayes not unlyke beasts
of ye forest and woods nus did
scare andfrigbtenme. f<rthey Wlned
in suche alnJlce !Mt no win or minde
be present in any one of lhem. Then.
undemecthe the gJUI oak one of ye
sa1d women did breake from ye circle
and I)1C 1 blue iyre, with neeither
Oynt nor steel, wlucll hugged ye oak
uee v.-ythout b)'T1Ullf. the buke nor
the biuer rose. And atop this fytt
they did heeve a large ctuldron in
which they did toss mushtoollb and
small ammal organs. Wtth
astmyshmc:nll then chd \IJ)"tnCSS lbesc
ladye$ remove thea blue gannents
UJlO C:.l Utem UliO 1hia ~ ooe b)'
one until the Jot danced wilh bare
bosom and na.kyd th.igh around lhe
oak, saccming and wailing all the
more. I then did knowc for shure that ln the morning I d1d return to
lh.is same spot, and nyther the gnss
upon which they did dance was
trampled, nor was the b.uke a bow the
oak bymed. nor the cole!!~ from the
fyre visible. I did blow then wythoul
a doublthat they be in league with the
devill's mag1ct, and since l did re
member the faces of all that da.nced
that Apnl night. I did gathere my
brother.;, ye lou all good Chri.'lltians,
and we did wythe torches aflame
hunte the witch~ of ye hamlet. for
most were spynsters or young
wenches who did live alone and
woulde not speak to the men of ye
hamlet unless forced
A!t we men dsd Fyndc lhe ftm
young wench of ye coven and drag
her from her h~ .. we did ftnt m
spcct hertosec if me be <;U.lla virgine,
and .u me did watl and scream and
LET THE R A RESERVE
PAY YOUR STUDENT LOAM.
We here at Re:1dence Life are lookmv. for
rhe ~Trongezt 01 the Strong, studentS VhO
ere able to enforce college pohcies and stand
by theu-admirustrators Vtth pnde. And hey~
per_baps vou may make frtends Vltb the rest dents
vhd~ you en_force the college pohctes.
We will proVIde free room and board
lf you can·~ handle u. then vork arBon Awetit
Think about at. Thtm think
about us. Then call.
1-800-768-HOPP
.All YOUUMa RA .RESERVE would not submytc, we knywc be
fore we did prove. through. tnspccllm
thai she be indeed wytho the dev1ll
Sht did make such a howling when
we did byndc and ra)')e her on a
stayke thai tho res to of yc wilches of
yo towne did come to us and ay u
they myte to stop tho clerumg And
many of thorn T did see that Apnl
mght llfOund yo oak. so that we did
byrne them with our brandes as they
were t'Vlll, and drawn to the smell of
ye Ocsh of yo fynte bymina witch
Many of them carryed books m
their h.ulds for they could reed the
devill's magick. and tho wnllng, all
in code..~ and crypt1c spell~ and
pocmes. beyedevill'sworking. And fore we wall abs<rb your hatred and
bo kallcdl"
And yet a thyrdc. a man no
dowte, dld msulto ye scholars and
c..bante of chaos as we routed the
devil out of hun:
"Don't you undcntand yet, my
brothcn? Thero grows such a trend
these days, like a c:anceT among the
bra1ns of the educated. that humans
arc disconnected from tho Barth, and
that the plants and animw must be
domesllcatcd and that the forests must
be mown tnto tdNhstJc gardens With
right-angles and straight lines. Just
because you with unenhghtencd
nunds cannot understand the forms
"And yet a tltyrde, a man no dowte, did
insulte ye scholars and cltante of chaos as
we roasted the devil out of him"
these watches that came to the bymmg
of the fyrne did yell such wyrds u
these, m code and dovlll toungc:
"So thtS is what you will do to all
of us who do not behevo m your
'scu:nce.' you who have no love for
nature and caJJ yourselves 'higher'
and • superior· and 'above· the Earth? J
When wall you reahu that the Earth
is your mother, and that the arumab
and plants are your brothers and sts
ters? WhCll will you begm to feel tho
truth 1nstend of dcny1ngyourroots on
the basts of your rauonaluy and de
structtve unagmations? Most of you
cannot even feel love anymore, but
only hatred or, as a complement , de
sire for the manifestations of your
imagmary adeaJs, wbtch rs not roal
\ovo of what ni1U II ~l. bu~ only
inteUectual .s1clcness and malaise •·
And another did yell
blasphemyes at ye Church:
"Christ understood the rclotion
slup of nature and the worlc:ing.s of the
universe to human feeling, compas·
sion, and love for all things. For
Christ, all things were good, and even
those who would murually destroy
each other shall be embraced. So lilce
your Christ, we will not res.ast you nor
bate weapons against you men, for
we know that it is better to dle for
what you believe than to surVJve by
killing others. Every woman you
bum parallels the crucifix1on· Then:-of nature and the natural patterns,
because to you they appua 'diny,'
'unudy,' or 'w1ld.' does not mean
that there l.S no order behmd nature.
But I understand : you are afratd
You have no desue to look inward 10
fmd solutions to your problems so
mstead you gaze outward, and de
stroy aU thatyoucannotseeorunder
stand Wlth the bghts of your ounds.
Don't you know: Many thmgs come
out only m the dark."
And ye last wllch we bymcd
remayned the leader of them all, so
that there be only a single womn.n left
m the entyre towne who was not
secrelly in league with the devill, dtd
prophesy ye fm*"" andult£ a amse
on us before ~d byrne lykc )IC.
rest.
"llus may be the last of us you
now destroy the last of the earners of
real knowledge and love. You have
burned our boob and oow you bum
our bodies. What will become or the
future genenttons who Will never
know of our existence? You wtll
surly teach your children of domina
uon: you will teach them to alienate
themselves from lherrroots; you will
show your boys bow to rape the sod
and teach your daughters to enslave
themselves as children with restriC
tive clothmg and paint and perfume
to dtsgwse any reality so lhat they hate ooc another
You w1ll dcsi gn
~oes. bodices. gudlcs and hP~IIa
You will pour uphah over
meadows a.nd grind millions of
mto paper upon wluch you c:u
your money and book.s which
hypnotize your children so that
lose all of their ctuldhood lceh!
and replace them with 'real facta.·
You Will build mactuotJ
wtll replace every unc:omfortab
you feel, so that you become
numbed m your affluence, and
your muscles, mtellectual a.od
uonal a.s well a.s ph~1 cal, wtU
away unless you don 'headpb.th
(to mule the sound of the trucb011
stde) and run on 'treadrmlll' """KI
nowhere unlll your muscles
'toned' so that they resernblolhe111
ward appearance of the
photographofthcwomanonlbecllll
of one of your nwnerous 'mail
catalogs. •
Your children ClOd graJldchilck
Will never read of us m the nu11:
books they wall wnto, nor wtll
ever understand that we WC~C
thing but h.tndrances 10 tho ClCVIM
ment of the uctVdtl.lliO n" that
have grown LO 'love, • 1 pity them.
they w1ll not be taught how \O
n.ny differently, and tf anyone
to real11e the horror of their sii\WiQ
they w11l be exter nunated as wcrnt
Perhaps the most we can
for ts that these new revolutiOill
IC.'>-lbC.SC gJ'CII
of yours, wtll also be called 'w•
before they dte m thcrr nort-vi•tllc
protests For now ts a time of a
cxtinct1on. and perhaps, like LMa
nosaurs of old (who will cvc:ntu~
.Wclyour m•cbmu).. a1l...lha1. \IUI.LII
loft of our feminist revolt agatml
misgUidedn ess of your • science, •
be our ashes and a few bon~ at
bouorn of Lhc lake "
And ~o th~ did they bvm!!
seven men sorcertrs and all
towne's womensavcono, who'
bMd had lceptc her faythefully
locke and key for yeas so she
not have been piltt of the ... :,,>~..
coven. Thereby, weclensedye'"""
of aU sm. and payved the way for
stong myndcd-sons of ye future,
they ~hnlte never know of the
passed before us that Spnng. unO:
ye Bclune fyres of Apnl
Student Council finds $2.7 4 tnillion
ASLC member finds age-old bottle deposit slips
by MoseS. Lake
oftht Pionur Log
Funds totalhng $2 74 miUion
were found in the back of a desk
drawer. according 1.0 ASLC Vice
President for Budget and Finance
Zach Street.
"1 just OJX:ncd the dmwer-1
think I wa" looking for a rubber
bandorapapcrcliporso melhing
and there it was," he ')illd "1 just
about took u dump in my pants, ·• he
added helpfully.
Acc()rdJng wSr.rcet.. the money
is apparently the result of scvcmJ
yean;' worth of unreturned bottle
dcpo!.'ll slips. ''hju!;t1.ept accumu
luung year after year "
SomeASLCcounc il member ~
have not yet confinned the eAist
ence of the find. "Whnt $2.74 mil·
lion?" 58.id an anonymous ASLC
official. "I dOn't know anything
about any S2.4 million. Who ever
heard of something as stupid as findmg S 1. 74 in a desk drawer? If
anyone on ASLC were to find$ I 2
million in a desk dmwer.l'd be the
ftN to know. believe me. TeU you
what: I'll form a studem.fnculty
commiuce 1.0 decade what to do
with the $574,000 fLrStlhing next
Spring. Now if you'll excuse me.l
have .mappointmemat the Porsche
dealer_ ..
Various student groups have
already bc.cn lmcd up 1.0 gel addi
uonal fondmg from the new money
One of the firM purcha.'\Cs planned
as a gutflounc, for usc by Campus
Safety, the French Club. Lhc Resr
dence Hall~ Office, and the Chancr
Commission.
In uddiuon, S 100.000 wiU go
to Pacture 11us Productions to tund
Arjun Schuue • s newest project,
LCHGHD'JV (Lewis and Clark
lfoloGraphi c High Defimuon Tele
vision).
"I was really quite ecstatic
about the money," snid Schutte. 'lhe nellt lhmg we would tikc
look m10 cs LCTV V cnual
tty that would really bnng
message home. "
The admantstrauon l5. n:nnn
edly looking mto 1mportmg cn(lUil
ivy from Columb1a Universuy
cover every st.anding swuoa~
body on the enure ~mpu'>. "H:
even wan~tocovcrthcdJmn treeS.•
said one offJcml who wished
rcrnamanonymous for fC<lrof dCalh
In ilddition, an l C Polo fears
will be founded. includang 26 Thtt·
oughbrcd horses, a sLable houts:c.
four stable altcndanL'>. und a soo~u
dmang roorn/wtnc and c hcc'\(! hnU
A student center wtll be cswb
lishcd, wilh a Dasco Dance Aocr
1:111daRoller Derby Rink to goalooS
walh a new CApanded vadeo game
room mcluding the new hit vidCD
gumc.s "Slash and Bum. ''"Opprt.$1
the Poor,'' and "Homele ~ Roadkill
Derby." LC to mov
by Salv~dor Dolly
of 1~ Pibn.ttr Log
Accordang tO DenniS Madso1
presldent for swdent affau
Radio wiU be moved tni.O ll
rong Lounge in OdeJJ Mnn~
"We haven't actually figun
me exact cost or whether d
the least bilfeasibl
we're going LO go ahead aa
several thousands of dolls
wast.e days on the prOJC
-"""," saad Madson.
AbOUt the only t.lung that
as thatlhe umeframe. Le\11
Clatk conuacted the servio
tndependent archii.CClure ru
firm to set down t1
and construcll<
~~ule According
.-nlattves of the fum {La~
Harclv. Ltd.), construCtion w
on the new stauon "n~
(April 11) and should 1
1e~ by "about lunchtirn
(April 13).
The actual move of the statit
lake place between Tuesd
Fnday. Apnl 14-17. The nc
wtll be tested and a1
ons fixed over
AccordJ.ng LO Mads(
udnllirustnllOOt wtll"guarante
t!U..~ wdl be up and runnmg
Monday "orTuesd
~ absoluiC latest.." he saad.
KLC General Manager MJ
~nd. upon getting word
move yesterday, reportedly (
oshock and is presently lisll!
condition at Provaden
Cri1ne
~~~~~~~
MaJCh 29 LO Apn
March 29Lb-Swdcnts roul
Campus assaulting a studetl
Andrew Dace Clay T-s
Buchanan '92 pan
March 30lh-Burmng p
boxes and dehvcry untfo
hmdPlaU·Howarddorm,SJ
ftre reading "they fared m
March 31st-Bon AppeUl
under 'vo1ce control' bites
March 31st Evans Mtlsi
fessor found touctung a
soons.
April 2nd-Gra ffiti on
·Help' I'm being held
OSPRIG office.!!"
The Pioneer
, Editor in Cbi~f:
\tunaging F.ditor:
'lews Editors:
Features Editor:
Contributing Staff:
Cm1g Coss, Jnm•c Mill.
In case you huven't ul
t'ISue of tlu: Prtmar Log
(thank God) pr~nk tssue.
purely fictiuous and arc
satirical run, 'o please
Needless to ~y. absolu .....
lh.is issue necessarily .... n.-..l
of Lewc; and Clark
H.aii'PY reading! 3, 1992 p 3
~~--------------------~ 1lhis ~ealc -------------------------a~g~e
taile
lar their bodiea
r
essgn htlhhtt.
irdl c.s and u PSIII<i
ur asphalt OYCf
"ind millions or
which you WI
books which
childn:n so that
• childhood
n with 'ru.l faQl
)Uild machmet
;ry uncc:nnf<lntlli.
you become
affluence, and tl
)tellcc:tull and
Is pbystcaJ, Will
'-' dOD -hCIUipbillll
IOd of the trutb
'treadmills' 'llllltl
your muscles
tey resemble the
10 of the aubJnu
of us m the hulQ
write, Mr will
I thaJ we were II"\
:OCCS tO the dCVI:Im
vilization" that
ove.' I pity thetn,l
taught how \O
and if anyone
TOr oflheirsttwllia
nrunatcd as wert,..,
in their non··Violc
w is a time of a
perhaps, like tho
who will evcJtUUillj "_C to move to Arntstrong Lounge
by Salvador Dolly
oft~ Pi.onttr wg
Accordmg LO Dennis Madson.
prtSsdent for swdent affairs,
Radio will be moved mto l.hc
Lounge in Odell Manor
"We haven't actually figured
!he e.xucl cost or whcl.hcr the
usac:u.&aJU) thcleastbatfca siblc,
we're gomg LO go ahead and
scveml thousands of dollars
waste days on the proJect
llftl, .. srud Madson.
AbOUt the only thing that lS
lS that the urnefmmc. LeWIS
Clark contraCted the services
tndependent archttccture and
farm to set down the
~-,.,lans and constructJon
ule According to
resetlUI.Uves of the fum (Laurel
• Ltd.), construction will
on the new stauon "ne~t
rrlav" {Apnlll} and should be
)Je~e;u by "about lunchume,
MaY~ (April 13).
The actual move of the station
talce place between Tuesday
Fnday, Apnl 14-17 The new
won w1ll be tested and any
oncuons fu:ed over the
According to Madson,
um:stratJon wall"guarantce"
KLC wtll be up and runnmg by
followmg Monday "or Tuesday
absolut.e latest," he said.
KLC General Manager Marc
upon getting word of
•"'"'"" yesterday, reponedJy fell
oshOck and is presently lasted m
condwon at Prov1dcnce Hosp1tal. He could not be reached
for comment
The space left in Templeton
College Center after KLC as
relocated WJU be used to house new
offices for the Grounds/
Landscaping department .
According to Madson, moving the
Grounds/
Landscap1ng ~lntion will be beaten, shot, and
forced to clean up FieJdq Dining
Hall for the rcmwnderof the term •• • she contanucd.
Moreover, new restrictions wtll
be placed on paruc•pat&on in KLC.
Only "faculty, ~ta.ff ,and prospective
department mto
Templeton w111
create a more
efficient, ''one-stop
shoppmg'' effect for
swdentsmtereSted in
sotl.
"The way we
figure, you· ve got
OSPIRGdown there,
and they're "We haven't actually figured
out the exact cost or whether
the plan is actually the least
bit feasible, but we're going to
go ahead and sink se"Deral
thousands of dollars and
waste days on the project
anyway" · -Dennis Madsen
concerned with the Vice Resident for Student Affairs
environment, and so
are the
groundskeepe.rs, so why nol7" said
Madson. ln addJtion, movang the
Ground.s/LandScapin g office 1010
Templeton Will further the
bwtding'suseasa "student center,"
he said.
According t.o officials in Odell
Manor, some new regulauons will
be placed upon KLC once the move
lS completed. "The fll'St and most
amponaru rule as that no poetry c.11n
be read over lhc cur or, m fact,
anywhere m thestauon •t.sclf, ~d
an anonymous offictal. "Anyone
caught
reading
L.\f'~ ltJ • poetry lfl
l h e studeniS and lheir parents .. will be
allowed to have rad1o shows
between the hours of 8 am. and 4
p.m. Regular LC students will be
allowed tn the stabon after 4 p.m.
and on weekends
StudenLS in the rndio ~tation
after 4 p.m. and on the weekends
will be required to have a Campus
Safety esc on a1 aJl limes. DJs must
scrub the noo~ and wall<; of lhc
radio santion ~fore leaving each
eventng.
nes). a)ltbaL >!U·:u..u ~--_...___._ _____ ..._ __ _, -.. ' .. PA\.J\NllNE HELL-· list rovoh ag ain.~llll
lfyOUT'scicnce, ·
:f a few bones at
.kc"
m. did they bvm:
rcerers and all
saveone, who's
;'leT faythefully
>T yeers so she
part of the wi·u :liC
, we clensed ye ton
wved the way r ......
10ns of ye future,
1r know of !he
$ !hat Spring, uooc
of April
Lllion
& we would hkc ~
:TV V IIluaJ Real
If really bnng m r Critrtebeat
~~~~~~~~~~
March 29 to Apnl 2
t.1arch 29th-Students found on Lower
Campus assaulung a swdent wearing an
Andrew Otce Clay T-shtrl and a
Buchanan '92 ptn.
March 30lh-Bunung ptle of pizza
bolles and delivery un•forms found be·
lund Piau-Howard donn. SJgn found near
fll'C reading "they fued me "
March 31st-Bon Appeutcmploycenol
under 'voice control' bites campus dog.
March 3l st Evans Music Hall-pro
fessor found touchmg a !>tudents' bas
soons 7 ' ~N~ QU€.51\0NS~ r
CLASS? I }
'l
1stranon is report April2nd-Grnffition Templeton wall:
pam porting enougt "Help! l'm being held prisoner in lhe
nb10 Universsty li1 .__o_s_P_R_IG::.....:.o_ffi_•c_e ..... l !_" ______ ___,
~nding stalionaq
1tire campus. "ft
vc.r the damn LrCOS.
W who wished
)usforfcarof
1 an LC Polo Te31D
includmg 26 Th<J·
s, a st.ablc hou~,
dant.s, and a SDC<:•a~
ne nnd cnce~ llill.l.
enter will be ~wbo
)isco Dance AOO'
by Rink LOgo al(JII
anded vtdco gumc
the new hit v·,.IJIA'
1d Bum," ''OtiPte
Homeless RoadJrJU The Pioneer Log staff
f.ditor in Chief: Scou Erickson
Mana~in5t Editor: Janet Miller
News F..ditor.;: Rachel Carter
Em• Endo
Feature!» £.ditor:
Contributing Stoff:
Cmtg Coss, Jurnac M1ll. Adolfo Gat?.n
Greg Carlson,
In c.nse you huven't already nouced, this
L\'\Uc ol 'l'ht Pionar Log •~ t~ once-yearly
(thank God) pl".lnk •~su~ All the anic les arc
purely lictittous and rue meant in good.
satirical fun, !\O plea~ t.akt: them as such.
Needless to say. absolutely NO'rniNG in
lhis issue nccc~ ly repre~nts the opinion-.
or Lewis and Clurk College us a whole.
Happy reading! [• r.)
_j~ ~ c-
--~
J ... ) Tttf
r:~~rsso&~
Ice t~m Dtssrns
SLttcT fmKs
UnOCRGROunn Ccrnx ~:~~/f. 1"11. & AuT C.mr~Y
314 ~ 0111
OPeN ],'*TE:
Missed the General Interest Meeting
becau-;c the editor was LOO lal.y to put out any son of notification unul
a couple o( hours before the meeting w-.tS lO be held?
Come to the Log regular staff meetings: ever)'
Monday at 6:15p.m.
_ ..
-..
-
--
,
~o.
~=:::::::~~~,.._.,~ /!!!
.. l ()'
~ ~
~
- 1 _ra~g_e4---------------------------- 1Lhis ~eaJc ---------------------~_ id_a~,_A~p_ril_3~~
Bee Gees to reunite; play comeback concert at LC
by Otter R. '&ycle
of the PibMtr /...()~
ln a rare and touchmg moment
in rock and roU history. all mem
bers of the newly reunited seven
ues s~-group the Bee Gees em
brnced e:k.h other in cclebrnuon of
their nx:ently-announccd college
tour.
.. This is so exciting .. srud &rt)·
Gibb, bilnd member. "J ve been
waiting for )"C3J"S for th(' kids to
rodi.!O>ver u.~"
The band \S .. \lllflDg the sev
cnues revival wave onto Amcric.1' s college.• cnm·
pusc.. ... " accord·
mg 10 the new
band manager
Chcsru "Bhnd
Scruaming Cu
wmbu ·Rock. "lVIzettever I llear tll'e1tt belt out 'You ca11
tell by tlte way I use ttty walk/I'm a
lvonrau's tnau, 110 tinte to talk' I get a little
t~ostalgic. Makes me reuze1nber ~ny ntol-tt's
tuna casserole.'' generallon dusts
off Lheu plut
fonn shoe.c; and
rediscovers the
joys of wash
and-wear poly
ester
The Bee
Gees v.ill pia)
Lew a sand Cla..rl
College on Fri-
day,AprillO, in lheAgncsAanagan
Chapel.
"According to our polls, Lhe
seventies are big on the LC cam
pus," said Rock. "We hope to reach -Seth Biggs, sophomore "I feel
l'mgetungback
to my roots,"
satd Seth Btggs,
quite a few fans with thas concert."
LC isn't the only place where
the ern of chest halt and CorvetteS
is makmg a comebat:.k Bands hkc
the Bee Gees have expcnenced a
nse 10 populanty as the college-age sophomore. "Whenever I hear them
belt out 'You can tell by the way I
use my wallc/l'm a woman's man,
no time to talk· l get a hnle nostal
gac. Makes me remember my
mom's tuna casserole." "We ·r~ delighted at the
to host such a renowned band,
Campus Events Con1rrt
George Fncndly "And we'
lighted that ChesLer thinks uur.
pus worthy. In fact, we·~
ucklcd pmk with this whole
The Bee Gee's college
wall start an the Nonhwest
lockofJ at Evergreen College,
then move~twardacrossuJCa
unent, wmdmg up wnh a blow,
concert at the Univer.my of
sas.
"Welove the R1dgebacks,
Robm Gtbb, "and they love
Proposed bronze pacifier sculpture to be erected on lower campus
Trustees give the OK for Harring pacifier
Last Wednesday . the Board of
Trusmes approved the plnns fOI' the
erection of a giant bronze pacifier
designed by international artist
Keith Harring. scheduled to be
in. Willed at the end olJ une. Because
the sculpture poast Jndei\Xjuencc. "Goody goody
goody goody goody ... Goody
goody goo."
Harring tclt l.hatagiam pacaftcr
wasappropriateforthccollcge "As
a mental institution of highest
caliber, 1 sec
willnse 18foo
from the
surface of the
reflection
pond, it will
c ffec t h·el y
become the
new beacon #As a ntental institution
of highest caliber, I see
nothing 1nore
appropriat e for tlte
cantpus." nothing more
appropri<Hc
for the
campus. The
erect pacifier
renecls the
auitudc of the
student-body
a n d
centc~picce for the college.
'lo my way of tlli:nlcing, I thinlr.:
we're honoRd tO have a piece of
:-uch historical SJgruficance and
delicious tast.e a1 Lc wis and Clark.··
said a noted arl depanment
professor after the dcciSJon. as a non
violent youth collaborative which
has reached the level or 'maumty
where they no longer need thelf
parenL'i' direct suppon, but rely
insi.Cad on mochnnacaJ conuwances
to stop them from c.rymg." arr take
wtll assume UP
by Scott Eric.kton
of the Pwnu.r Log
'f'ICC Presadent Cor Academic )
,sus.an Resnccl: Pan will soon ll
lilt prc:~t lengthy title for a ne
one: PresidenL
The board or uustec.J of The u
of Pugct Sound in Tacon
annou:nced on March 13 d
.,Will become the uruvc:naty's 1!
She will be replllCUlg PhihpPhib
hAS been pres1dc:nt at UPS sd
Phtbbs is a Conner profess01
4 wa:.not intending to leave ho
"I think thiU tlus is an ex1r1 . .. opporturut)'.
Although there were 250 ap
for the poSJuon. Pur was not'
·~~em. Her name was instead nd
to the pre51dential search ~
in January
The search commauee unJ
mt~vrccommcnd ed Parr 10 the l
of tTUSt.ee.s on March 12.
amplin]
by Rachel Carter
of w Pionur Log
Robert Pamplin Jr., c.hairman
I'Gtec:S.. has thrown down the
and Clark College commWl
He has agreed to dona1e a tod
Apparently, the bronze will be
cast in Salem and hclicopt:ered to
the campus. where the anist will
then paint the sculpture red. &mng
wiU be acrompanicd by the Lewis
and Clark K:azoo ensemble while
painting. The complete sculpture
will be fmished in coordi:n=u.ion with
this year' sscnior ansbow x.hcduled
for June 4-11, and I1USlCCS
predict that the sculpture
should remain standing for Harring also has emphasized
the gender-balanced nature of the
bronze. noting ho't\ the sculpture
mimics a nipple projecting high
into the air like a ph a 1J u.'i. The artist
fmally signed a relea~ ensuring
that he would not be held
occoun&.able for injuries resulting
from students playing on the
sculpture. the n:novations and CJtP_lll
·J~W~L.it ~ru:y.providcd mem~
alwnru or staff can beat ~
iysieal fitness. l, 1n an auempt to generate d
l' -lr-<:, }".,._-:~bM: :l •led 10 complet.e the Wauek
the entise week.
"h'~ DOl lha1 the swdent
body wilJ vehementJy disJike
the sculpture and auemptto
remove it-on the contrary.
we believe to see so many
students sucking oo t.he
sculpture lhaL first week lhat
it's bound 10 dissolve by lhe
11th," said a College of Ans
and Sciences .A-:-· auuuulSU'ator .
On one hand, some
students have expressed
apprehension regarding the
board's decision, however.
"Goo goo ga. gigi waga go.
Bibi bi? Boo! Boo!"'
remarked English major
Dikhc it ElttiJ. Elw1 finds the
sculpture offensive and
inappropriate for an
institution of such rugher
learning, and he confronted
the artist wilh raised bottle at
last Wednesday' s board
meeting.
On the ocher hand, other
studenli celebnuc the board·~
choice with Oying dia:pus.
One philosophy major
articulated her praise with An architect'-. drawing of lhe proposed bronze statue for lower campu. ~.
• • oil ••
h e i-o l you( fflinl ?
you want fo ~ rJ.tc.es fAr,
If you &.o) fhe() ht .sure to atten~
1:~ ?
IS a sfvt4,.f qr~ •
o sfv~"fs '<~~o fu.ve. ~ken 't .-t of c ),m,•.tf"' 1111&._ 'Ve.. J 8,_
t~ E /V1 I of ! t t • ~ ~
l f't'~ f,
M(' c discs to jo\1\. •
G NERAL ltvTerusr
Syu;d 8"e~t l~.},rer-including all~ay spotU act
and a dance lS being pla.nxu:d,
The event. tenwively called
.. is scheduled for Ma
Pamplin can do a rope elim
push ups. 625 sit-ups t.n 15 1
III4JI:IS. Oifferemstandards will
• • want to partlCspat.e.
Anyone who feels he or
is welcome to try. and P
lcutain specific amount for cac
him in my event'.
"I wutt the l..C conununity
lllbng a million dollars for
The c:ateh is, studcnu mu
to secure the donation.
Frohnmeyer ""aa••aa
The fonner NBA eh~
adected \0 Jive the commence
Turbo Dave
P'md out what makes ru.·IOi
Party up
Be cool and drink.
Huristw will show you how tQ
Joe.
Softball team vic
L.C women'• soflball tcu1
RICOTd of 6-3. I
Gender Studies
Sec the special four·
Cullacbcdulc or events.