Title
The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College's Student-Run Newspaper
Description
April 1, 1975 Unlisted [Pioneer Dog]
Subject
Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper
Creator
Pioneer Log Staff
Date
1975-04-01
Format
pdf
Type
Newspaper
Rights
For questions about rights statements, or access to the original document please contact Lewis & Clark College Special Collections and Archives http://specialcollections.lclark.edu
http://rightsstatements.org/vocab/InC/1.0/
http://rightsstatements.org/vocab/InC/1.0/
Full Text
6 -
I Pioneer log ed•tor J•m Kershner
y~terdJy announced tht: ter
mination of 45 log ~taff member~ .
The reason WdS an allegPd mcl~~ive
~1ola11on of alcohol policy
'They weren 1 really fired," said
Ker ... hner, ' I JU~t told 1 hem to
choo'>e between alcohol and the
log"
Ker~hner i~ the only person
remJinmg on the ~tdff
The confrontation occurred on
Tue~day night when Kershner
moiled 1nto the log off1ce only to
diKover what he termed "a
hedoni~ tic ntghtmMe of !tel{ and
hquor" taking pldce
Tuesday night i\ the t1me the
new~paper ~~ normally produced;
d funct1on trJd•honally termed
"lay-out"
' You wouldn 1 believe wh.H was
gotng on'' ... aid Kershner "There
wa ... alcohol everywhere you look
ed .md I personally c,Jw \everal ..
• v1es •
people com.ummg 1t". Kershner
refused to comment on the sex
charge !taymg only "people were
'>Orl of rubbing one another" He
did wy the rubbe~ conmted of
opposmg '>exes
Rumors are rampant that log
adv1sor Edwardd Jayy Whetmoree
was Involved, but these rumor'> are
unconftrmable Mr Wht!tmorce t\
!>till on probat•on lrom charge ..
stemmmg from last year\ annual
faculty orgy
Kershner told reporter!> that he
has ab~tatned from alcohol all of
h1'> ltfe He tells this story of h1s
moral decision "When I turned
16 In North Dakota, my daddy
took me aside Jnd he sa1d, Son if I
ever catch you drinktng alcohol,
or with alcohol on your breath you
know what I'm gonna dol I'm
gonna k1ll you' Now my daddy
was d good man and he drank like
a fish. He drank more than 01ny
!>even men I've ever \een. But my
daddy he wasn't no hypocrite .
Because he really would have
ktlled me."
• Pres.
for Nuts Award
OUR PIONEER HER IT AGE
"lhe students are just gomg to
have to learn to h~1gn for
themselve< President
5 ~-mopped gllstenmg
beads of persp1rat1on off his
furrowed brow The mercury had
nu 93° and ~o had the barometer
Thirty· two people were packed
mto the Gray Room like sardines.
The Board of O~rectors. the
)AGA ~tdft the Students Ways and
Meals Commmee, the Theatre
Department all were pre<>cnt to
he~~r the Pres1dent's proposal
We've already begun prepara
tiOn for next year dnd therets
nothmg you can do to <otop it
The Proposal-
No mcah will be <>erved at SAGA
beg1nning next fall. Student'> will
be obliged to livt! off whdt they
an find m the cc1mpu .. environ-
-look clt all the splen
possibllltie) we hc1ve here.
\\'hv, there'~ roots. bt•rr~t.><i, '.lrmall
llnurnJto;-There muo;t be hundreds
ot moles tor examplt•. And there'.s
IPientv ot b1rd-ltlc. In tact, there's
p!ent} ol CVt!rythmg, if the
~udcnts would ju~t usc theu
head~ .
The monev normally U\Cd for
scr~1Cc.s \o\ oulcJ ht>lp fund the
ren~:lv-'t•on ot Fteldts Dmmg I tall.
Tlw ThcdtH! Dt•partrn~nt hc1s
~n looking lor ,, new
3)hou,e-wcll there vou havt~
I'm '>Uh: we could fit .1 'lrtolMe In
and some '>f'rlh. -\nd the
c::ould be u"ed d\ .1 dr•• .....
room.
Ru:h,ud Willi\, Ch;urman ot the '
fhc.urio Dcpdrtment-
lt's rc.JII)' not what we h.td 1n
,lll<hard Willi~, Chdlfmiln ot the
1ca 1rri(:~ Department-
lt' ll!ally not what we had tn
d.
Thad 1 homa\, me.tl supervt!~Or,
.......... /\-But I'm gonna be out of a job!"
. : ~·.· ..... -
"Sacri fice~ must be made
Hawley. Dean of Students-
The students aren'tgoing to go
for th1s, II take their
money over to Reed---. . -
You don t understand . We're
domg them a favor Putting hair
on the~r chem G1vmg them some
of that old Pioneer stamma. They'll
thank us-in the end
It ha~ been assumed that those
students who make it through the
winter might be able to plant
vegetablt? gardens to supplem~nt
thetr diets A tee of $50' 20 ,q. ft.
will be charged c1s land rental.
It's not like we rt: rot.tlly .tban
donmg them, no sir W1th the
money we save we <.an get
~omebody, th.:u Gibbons guy for
instance, to come in and tedch a
course tn edible plant~ and how to
survive in rhc wilderne\s.
The plan will save O\er S1,720,-
039.00 a year. No SAG,\ to P•lY,
lower electncity b1fl~. (ll) students
will probabl)' be sleeptng more),
.md le)s "ork for Mluntenanct!.
\\ • "on't have to h11c people
to prune the trt•cs, mow the lawns
01 pull wet!d5> Jn) marc.
Gene Strand, ,\-1allltt!n<HlCC
Supenntend~n t-
''1 think 11') a damn good 1dcil. --........ .. -· -
If this wor~'> Wt:ll ne~t yt•.tr, the
vcrJt lollowing we m.t\ try .mothl'f
idl!.t I h..td-dosmg the dorm and
havmg the ~tudenh camp out on
1 he l,t\o\ n all ye.u.
Objc< tions. \o\ ere voiced, but the
Prcstdi•m ~tood Ius grountl. Some
sht•d tc.u , others threw t.muums
and ·' lew dropped to their kne ..
and b~gged .
It appc:us not onl) the
students are Wllihy-washy. wa .. hts
onl) replo; • •
• lewis and Clark College
April 1 . 1 975
a cohol violation cite
Will the log conunue to be
produced/
Yes ·did Kershner . "I'll do 11
on my own unttl my staff awaken~
to the \Obermg consequences of
whdt they•vc done. They'll be back
you better believe It '
Several of the termmated staff
membN~ . when contacted by
phone expre'>~ed their reluctance
to return to rhctr po!oh. "I think I'll
take A.ikido •n~tectd ". said one.
Mdnaging Editor Bob Rowe ~id
h~ pldn\ to puhue free-lance
wrhing and 1s sending m some
mat(.>riilto "Nc1ked Confession~ of
o1 f rue Oetecuve ' . "The log has
bPcn good pr.~cuce for this sort of
wnung •• Rowe added
Wtll this <oeand.tl rum the highly
oiled communication~ machine
known as the P1oneer logl Who
know~ . One thing IS sure and that's
that nobody ~eems to have any
l,uth m dnything anymore and this
1s just c1nother example and I tell
you 11 pf'rsoncJIIy make~ th1s
reporter stck .
/
Continu~ rom
Inside/
Jerome gets nasty
... Page 8
Sportswrite r
love finds
... Page X
Rece~sion ends
. .. Page 2
I' ......
I' - " -' -....
..I
' ..I
Rub Rowe, nov•~c Editor 01 thl!
P1onc .. , Dog, has been dragged
I.:Jl:ktng .tnd screammg, o~ cr the
obJccuom of .tlmost nobodv. out
ol saul offlcc. Ace copv boy. and
r~ally-ntre-gu), )ed 1\,lutlmJn ha~
IJccn )clc' ted~~~ nc"' I lead Ed, Hi~
c.ommcnt: ''t,;t•ep~rs. that mean~
they H•.tllv do like me. All of •em
Coach fretl \\ ilson. Mums) and
o.~d .. y and the gtrl IJa<:.k home I
nt·v~r e'en had. I prom•sc 'em all
I'll \o\ rnc really n~t e thmKS about
'em, anJ \\Ont not ne,er noho"
let that degenerate duo Kershner
a111 I RO\\ c get then ~rcasy iingers
on typcwrue• kcrs agam. I like all
ot vou, and I really hope rou l1kc
me to ' II )·Ou nc>cd 1 lo\ e, all you
d I ••. nee ~~ o ..• Sue Nell Sweet
d r Lewis and Clark College by
It was evident at the ~o~~ r~~~: an insutution tor \he plrsu~
the messteurs tev.l'> an a h" e ... tabli .. hment ot mora an
ol technical knowledge. ~o: :lo~tishing ot creatl e cognltllll!
ethical stabthl)' and tor t c d of upmost conce• n among
oce)Se5 was torthcomtng an d the compelling forces to
~:rly .. ettlcrs •n the e7""~" d~~ng and youthtul rnind!t was
t?~tabli .. h lluch a n~t h or ~nou<o halh ot the College wer~
irrepressible and o ~ c ~e., and bu..,tle ol .. tagecoach~ a~
erected ,.mttht th~ad~~ ea\ong the as!>uaging v.at~~e~ ~h=t
lerryboJt'>. promc . lied ent\y to Jmorous o
WiiiJmette Rwcr whtch\o.. C<~ h'\ ~auling tall'> OJscaded am?;g
fantac;ied Jlong her b.Jn > w '~om Ah, what splendod '". at
\iii e., ol the valley and dand~ man ~o contriVe such 3 tlowert~g
evidence ol the upremacy o I ngtngs to e'(pre~s hts qu~t ... or
lc ot m.an's tnnermost o t the ~ight ot sucn a
ehxamp L nowablc. h•s burning rapture a Led dec;iderations tor t e un... E=mcl and h• ma'>"' delicate cqultlon as '
phtlosophtc.tl a~h~~~~s . ol mmd and ~pint: threh~ '~~~~:::~
1 he men • wtt d d I ent planntng" tc d
brutal!)' mto mdustnou han. . '~m•ns blooms ofbegon~as ~.
for days on end am•d~t :h~ mo;ntng'~ first de'". lch on n•t~~~
he ;ukhns tcan; o ther day-24 hours'""'
t pbetorc the )acrament of a nod du-'-# an infn"'tl of wmS" L hts a oz.en 1.:"-11· b 1 hatch a thousand '"oug , d" h -h lay trosnqualle e ore to fl nto the •nhnltu c ,... ,... •h .. J.nnucnc\.''
tn!.Cct't to dart o t \"'L ~t splcndo•l \\ dt ~ ~ L r ds and men ~~ ,,.. 1 "d ctCrO 5 tne the ') es o go { the un•veJSC ~praw c
The mcuba\Cd drcdm o and <.tones of the maJC'''
.. lwc ;md alighted u~on ~~c ;~~ ~e~s of un~u!l~)e ung n~n1s,
to• W' ~ o~c•look•ns t \C ose ~ hllhng cart.~~cs hllcd wu ' le
Jd~ to embrace them wtt ... They sw~rmed'" mno;,sd
~~ow\cdgr and mptcuc at the~~~~' onder ,lulhl\m nt The~
upon t\w "'..til of gra\:Cj ~op~~ \o the earth a !I thctr cy\.'\1 pa:c~
sluorJ w•th awe: ston~< , f :::tml.!nt above. h, '"hat p en ~~e
hom tone to \tone to,' ,;,mate d\p~rauons, far beyond s
\\'hO'J.t c•vtdcncc ot men s ~~ Anthems tell hom the hca en
.nablc rh. lh c ·rna e lhcre ~eemcd to be an
~;~ th" l•x.ultant vo•~ ol ~~~d I rom whence the prat\l'5
"r1urc .-mtd\t the btllowmg meaOO\"~ would one d.l
a pic och could be hcard.lhc c urabdlc "ad to ~uppcdttatt· the o g r ld t m;uurc rnln s, re h Ah wh-'t
b~ protltgtOU tc 11 0
1 \Oe5tlmable dept I
ld "•th protund•t•C\ o. II find no c~prC\!I•On e-.: n
\'II or 10, ~ of 11 a can
plt•ndorl The uu~"ll ·tr• tiC 01 thl! learned men.
;){llOil ~ tht• 100\\ C • Students ~runk
in Swe en
"' t,>ed~n log Commutee
Dear Ed1tor,
"Norwegrans dnnk b~r and
snap' Danes dr~nk snap~ and
beer. 5" edc5 JUSt drank.'' The
national dunk •~ nap~ : 86 proof.
guaranteed to put ou under.' ep,
"c'r~ submerging ou~el,.:es rn the
culture!
A~ well a gamrng ~no'' ledge
through our acadcm 1~, "' e\ c
been learning >Orne ot the bJ~rc
I acts ol evef)·da) hft!. For rn~tance:
one do~ not frv a sit~\\ mg hem:
onl' dO~$ not pula pia~ tic plate m a
"arm OH~n blood puddinN h
blood pudding denial no~s m
S\\ edl'fl '""' ll.Jbh turn> oul to be
toothp•cks; beer-ball on Sunday
mu>t be plann~ on r rrda) b) si
(as \!\Cr)thmg ·~dosed b) lhen).
fellow Am~r icans, a bn of ad
vice lrom our expenen ce: 1f you
e\'er come to Sweden, don't e~-
To 1he Editor,
\ e rt!spec dully dechne to agree
'' ith the appra1sal put IOI"\v.lrd in
thr!> ne" paper. Cordon l~ IS not
rhe number one academ1 c
honcho at this college!
Ob~ iously the writer Of the artl•
de, Rna Ballard dot.-s not ~pend
much ome in the library, at lea~t
recentl)·. II she had, she would
ha .. e nottced another permanent
library vulture broodmg over his
lndustnal lnde•es in rhecorner by
the social! acceptable perrodrcal
Secl1on.
He doesn't smoke, he doesn't
drink, he dot!Sn't do the hootch)·
coo. All he docs is study, !>tudv,
stud\, not 3 ~rngle goddam screw.
\\ har do~s he dol (for one place)
pett 10 be U:lCOn\prcuou'>. Erther
that, or lca"c )OW 0\-Cralh, bo1d:
pack\, htkrng boot • do'' n Jacket~ .
str:ught·lcgged JCam, <i.lo'" \-\.alk
m~ pace,, ;.md loud "orcc c11
hom"·
,"1rd'>ummer is comrng up;
about the erghth holiday ... rnce
y,e\c been here. Evel"\'bOd)
"·?em' to ha-.c a plan. The ten dcJ}~
\\111 gh" U\ umc to go north to the
1rdnrght un, to NorW<~) for the
fjord'> to happland to see rt they
rcJII\ do cat bark and ride on
rerndccr or to DJiarna-the
center of the Mrd ... ummer
celebratron s, (lollr.dan crng,
Ma,·polL ... , good lood and good
trmc...).
Good luck on your final!.!
Guess Who
P.S. For dcta1ls of a more personal
nature, Zahcr w1ll be glad to share
all that he knoY.s, A rran ... -Atlantic
phone call•~ only SlO.OO tor three
minutes. Call 0181128127.
H1s lew pare momenh ill c
~pent tmltmng w1th h1~ old green
JCcp. rock tnt; on tht! weekend s, or
plavrng squa\h with Cooper or
Ob1e. Hi~ heavy schedule keeps
h1m ocwp1cd most of the day,
w1th t1me off lor three good (and
large) meal,; a da).
\'\'e know that Gordon 1s to be
commended . For he got into Har
vard wh1le grow1ng up at rhe
Open Seas. But our man
thuves on econom1o and the Ole
Irish Inn. The other side-ol the
tracks perh.tps. Never-the-less ...
Oa-.•d Knowle~ we salute youl
R~.-spectfully submiued,
Scott Dov. ning
John Ender~
--~
d Ch t I "L'. M · B 11" Kershner I IOt·tn· re ........................ lmm) "ISS ) U
... · Ed Rob ·11 "Rocket" Row•• nC.ttng tror ·······-·········-·················· (,.
Acing ReJ)()rter .•...................... _.. .•......•...............• Sleve Blurb
Aetang Up ··········-·· ··-·······-·········--············· ·· Edd Whetmore
la) ·Out ................ ···························-···· ··········· Gayle Marcus
Is 11 Anl -............................... D<ne Rod, Jennifer Saunders
Hum and Peekers ................. Jennifer Woody, Alan Wachter,
Jana Johnsen
\\ nter .................. ................... Dorin" Horn1e, Sucnell Sweet,
Rick Cuper ate, Doug I et>ring
~rts ......................................................................................... ..
Sprr11ual Gu1dance .............................. Jim the 1\, Ciuo1 Dave,
Gayle, John, ltnda, and a
lew we may have forgeuen .
Everything here prin~ is
r.ure fiction. Malicious In nature,
lt .5hould re taken ~ the
dee pest fom of personal insult.,:
f. •
I ERS·
Retard slander
ed
leu~r l> to the Editor
To the Edttor:
The article written OJbout me'"
the Dog wa .. embarra ~sing and
mr~lead ing. 11 I reallr '>.lid that
quote about "tho~e filthy \;ermin"
11 ·was obv1ous I dedn't mean it,
1 thin!.; it's trresponsible JOur
nalism to prrnt quotes that people
d•dn't really mean.
Hoyt S Pct.ud
Editor\ note~ He~ Ha.
Jock slander
ed
To the Editor:
I thmk its obv1ou., to everyone
nov. that the Dog's sportswrrters
don't l..nowsports from bat guano.
How am I suppo~ed to ~end m>
f!IO&her a clipprng that c.11l~ me
''250 pound~ of bulgmg deiJciou.,
muscle?" That stUrf 1s down11ght
embarrassing .
Sure I got curly hair that women
love to run their finger~ through,
but what kind of headline IS
"k<lger•., Kinky I< uris Krumblc Ko·
ed Jo..uttes ·••
I think you should face 11: '>POll'>
page.s are lor mothers ol guy~ liJ..e
me, .md you l>hould just run .1 large
photo of me and .,pell m) name
rrght, and forget about the rc~t of
that crap.
Joe (Ace, ~trl'l(h , Flcssh, T .mk)
Jones
Ednor's note: Shut up
Faculty slander
ed
To the Editor:
I would just like to point out an
in~qutt\1 th•u crlst~ ott thi~ \Chool.
Studenh ha\:e to pJy d lot of
moner to be at lt'Wh .utd Clark.
On 1he othw h3nd, lacultv and
)taft don'l h.tH· to pd\. Tht·y otC·
tually get patd
fs thi~ latr ur what?
signed,
J, Flints, fcon Dept.
Editor's note: You •d1ot. •••• • •
• • •
< : ) 0
, ' ~
' >
•
•
John Endett
Staff Writtl
But what would you do if it was all SOCIAUSTl Or tf it
into your own housel Would we have to leave the CITYl ,..,._~
we still have WILDERNESS?
It all of course IS a deep and very very SERIOUS 1ssue W
will we do tomorrowl How many rrvulets IS a creek? What's
rad'??l Dear Mom what's his namel Lousy rat-riaoe
PINKOS! II
How many other good people do you thrnk would ~erve
all that mind-and body po1sonrng yukl And that's not aiL
The people runmng the show are very very
CAPITAUSTIII All they do IS make money (yours, vou11
your\! I) when you drJp pasta and fro~ty rootbeer down
snout When are you all gorng to wak.-up to thi!l ghil
perperrat1on? A<. Or Swaru would sJy, "The only good C•n"·""
t!> .t red Commy "Or another "Why don 1 we have fned R
for drnnerl"
Look out folks, you'll never have., )Ccond chance. Thi!> IS
A!> 4 tnend would say, "The he.tt •~ on, the jig 1<. up, the world
collap .. mg."
Of course th1~ is not to say that we cannot make 11. t:v1~'"'onf
makes u. Well, almost. Out then again?...
I would like to take th1s opportunity, right now and here
Now Here. heilr now l), to warn you all of the mo)tlnlimate
lmmtnent occurence . The year is o'•er. The c.1reer rwn
careerl) IS endrng. On to bigger and better thing~ ... But
b1gg~r bener? Well, now then aga1n
There are a lot ol thrng\ in this world to get p1!1sed off aoor
And I get pr\~oed off about everyone of them.
R1ght now I am <.o pl\~ed off I coJn't '>t'l' \lr.s1ght (or
!oltdlght). I .tm P~'Sed off dt CN.Jid ford for droJggrng hi' feel
reu·~~tng, I am pMed ull .tithe doll.rr for rnfl.rtmg, l o~m n1\.\C'
oH .11 humanity tor bemg inhumc:tne
But mostly I'm p1s.,ed off about my pdrkmg ttckcts. Com
Sccurtty, what do you thinJ.. I .tm, rn.uJe of money( lr\ not
mdttf't of prtnc.pJI 1t's •I matter ol C.i'>h So wh1.1t if I n;~ru
•lleg..rl. Thon•au would h.lVc pMkcd illegt1l1 too. I only
tll~gal when I tirmlr bclteve tn it.
Ple.tw all yuu tat CiltS g1ve me a brc<Jk. I swt•.tr l'llta~e you
court. Th•s'll go all the w11y to thl• top
Don't get the 1dt•a I'm u rt>vN~nt . I 'II do .. nythlng, I'll "'"'"
your sho ·~ I 'II wash your car (your big dec.tdcnt Caddi
Thrnk about 11.
Next weelr.: I get pissed oil at Nucon agatn. April 1, lf7S
Just li~
'Pac~
-• II
Bit
''News or
The coni
of backpad
reared spc
theorres he1
of which ~
bakery cle~
K1m h
phenomen
have a "Te
ol'l our han
The "Tet
rnclude!o .1ll
encompass1
Saga entrar
tend as fa
doors II.
backpack~ 1
that premu
along with
pro!>pect1
• II
"The dar
tin' after
ma1ntenan
right rn m
It WdS 0
outset, b
walkway ft
lower cam1
The walk
Unles!> yo
Templeton
from Saga
n. It c,hou I
down the
bec.tu'>e e
Templeton
1ng Platt -H
to walk tot
Even 1n an
l.tn be se
grassy exp
green und
The gras
doomed
agamst da
pt!rrodtc.JII 1
workers B
halo dec•d
gra~s . The
between
Templeto
ttper,onnt;e
the vtb
will eltplo
140-lb pe
plus, or m
and depcn
(you c.m
M .u nIt!"' d n
w11l d1vcrt
the lawn
where 11
\"Vorke
dt fil':\t v
the}' m1gh
lrom tht•
their
pilot
building
removed. April l, 197$ 'lonurDos
Just like your appetite Saga"s new food plan
Packs vanish mysteriously Friendship through food • dining room
Bill Welton, Jr
"News on the Spur of the
Bone."
The con1inued di~appe.ar.1nce
of backpdtk\ from Templeton has
re.Jred speculauon on ~ever;al
theones her~ lately. the most vahd
ol which war, offered by former
bakery clean up boy Kim Jizner.
Kim hypotheHzes the
phenomenal po'>siblhty that we
have .1 "T~mple ton Quadrangle"
on our hands
The 'Templeton Quadrangle"
1ncludes all four corners and the
encompassed per~meter of the
Saga entrance foyer • .1nd may ex
tend as far west .~~ the double
doors. An .ncredtble 603
backpack'> have dtsappeared from
that prem1\es '" the pa\t month;
along wuh untolled amount'> of
pro'>pec tive students and
• fre~hmen h.tner 5.aY•· 'My theory
would elCplaln perfectly the dh·
appearance of all the1e Item~ "
Or Wayward J Orinkmore
associ•te prof~~or of Ph 0
preparatory stud1es, thmks Ktm
Jizner is right. In a letter addr~sed
to the Dean of Private Relauons ,
he stated: "Something must be
done,"
Watch Out
An attempt to draw connections
between the ''Templeton
Quadrangle" .md la~t year's dis
dppearance of Odell Manor ha\
been unsuccessful "The data is
stmply much too pescadorus,"
Ktm relates. HP wdr ns would be
VICtims of the voratlous vexat1on
not to leave their backpacks
.mywhere near Sage~
He refused to comment on
prospective students or fr~shmen . 'EAT
•
tn over manor Fwe fold in Midwest:
Doug Leary
Staff wnter
"The damn gras\ need\ replan~
tin' after every rami' cnes
maintenance worker Ed Suball.
right in my race.
II wa~ bdd plannmg from the
outSet, building the J\phah
\lialkwdy from Templeton to the
lower campus past Odell Manor.
The w;1lk is '" the wrong place.
Unle'>'> you're walkmg out of
Templeton from the Bookstore or
from SJga you probabl} don I use
1t. 11 \hould have been putlurth~r
down the hill toward the I r~c..">,
bcl.lU'>e everyuody who le.1ve~
T €'mpleton VI<) the s1de doors lac
tng Pldtt-Howard h.t\ .1 tendency
to walk to the Manor YIJ the 1,\wn.
Even in ankle-deep mud 'tudents
can be ~ecn trampmg .lCfO'>> the
gra!o!>Y elCpan\e da1ly, cru\hing the
green undcrfool.
The gra.,., there hJs alway., been
doomed to \truggle tn futility
agatnst daily m.t,hing. re)eeded
pcnodlcdlly by mamtenance
worke r~ But now that department
has dec1ded to light b.u:lo; for the
gr<m. They have mtned the .neJ
between Odell Manor <~nd
Templeton with Jrmy-'lturplu) an
uper~onncl bomb~.
The vtbr .uion·)~n'ltllive mine'>
wtll explode at the Jppro.tc:h of a
140-lb per)on withtn lour teet,
plu., or mmu-. lot uthcr Wl'lght-.
and dcp~ndtng on '>lyle ot walll.mg
(you C.Jrl tiptoe pd'>l them)
M,Hntcndnt.c hope'> dw mmeficld
will divt!rl 1 r .tlllc flov. .tway It om
the 1.\wn .md onto the walkw.Jy
where 11 belong,,
\1\ orkPr' out'> Ide Odell Manor
.Jt ftr\1 VOICt!d COO\tPI nallOO that
the., mtght he 1nruu!d b~ shrapnel
hom the dcvi<•:5, but dllowcd
thl.'ir mstdll.ttion on .t one-term
p1lot bam. •If dam<~gc tn the
butlding o~.:curs tlw mtncs w11l be
removed Meanwhile. maintenance has
begun work on a .\imilar projec.t
behind the .'v1anor house. t\ dis
creet distance from the
president's windows, a second
minetield will divert lawn
damaging loot trdffiC of uudents
who .short-cut between the library
and Templeton . New journalism blamed
II th~e corrective mca~ures
succe~d. re~eeding ope• ations
<.hould be ne<cssary onl"t once
ye.uly instead of rhe present
\poradic fourteen to ~~ghtc~.?n
tune,, Cosh cut thior, way will
prov '-. tund\ to PilY for the:!
mme Bobby Rowe
Top Dog
"It's a plague is what it i~. "one
Communication~ Board member
was quoted aH4l)'"8· "God but it's
awful. I've seen 11 happen on otner
campus~ . I thought alter the
WWII Marine Corp'> I v. as tough,
but this is enough to make you
wretch. Perc.eptu.tlness.' that's
the ti~t thtng )'il gotta watch out
tor. The gu) 'II \tart ~eeing things
all funn) and new.t thing ya knoy,
he'll be writing that w.ar.''
The dhease can be controlled in
these early stage-. 4.n annointed
professof' need only recite
pas)ag~ from a proofreader's
style-book while malin~ the sign
ot the six W's on the vicum\ c.hest
and ~prinklmg printer'" ink on his
forehead.
• • Proactive p~nence •
Dean~s office panders to sick minds
A HP•<i R•sident : "Well. the
Bobby
Dog Top
Rowe
A Dean: "Prodctivltyl Sure, I
t.tn tell you Jbout proactivlty .
Th.u\ '"h~re you anticip<Ue
evt:'l'} thtng 1n ad' a nee and g~t a
)inglc room. It's not :~II a bed ot
10 es-you ~hould really )E'C the
IO\C$ belore you leave-you've
goua have iron-clad conuol ot the
V\holc floor. Ne\iet let the linle \O
and-os get .1n inch out of hne. but
you can't say anythmg trongcr
thOin 'How do )'OU fc..-el about thatl','Ha\le you con:~tOt::t t::\l rne
i"'olic-ar1ons ot 'our action.. tor
others llvtng on your flOOr( , or
'Yea, nght-on. go for it,l C'an relate
with where )ou'r~ commg trom.'"
An Administrator ; "Yes in
deed. I've heard about that
touch)-teel) crap. It won't Ia t
long. Preuy soon they'll all get
em:aciated and come do"n v.ith
drops) or somethtng Then we
.shtp 'em out pronto and hall in a
truddoad of sad1~t1c grand
mother~ \\ e'll dean out that rat's
ne t, pt..-er group S}'Stem \\its gen1ng
prcU)' .. tale, so "e hired a b1g
Madison Av~nu~ PR ftrm, They
did a markeung r,tudy anti hln
some ter,t~ with rat~ and Stuff I
gues~ the little fellas re;tlly liked
the 'ound of that word "Pro-act
i\ie." \\hat's 11 meanf I dunnc..
That' the problem, so llext ear
"c' egot a whole newglmmu:li:
" nte thi~ one doY. n, 1t' a crack
up-' Intentional Communu .'
That' where lots of people who
are just ;tlile li e together .tnd get
bored. Real qu1ck." ... ... -J.
.;;.)
~ • ,...,. •
Bobby Dog
Top Rowe
le\\ as and Clark College has
completed an agreement for the
purcha)e of the adjoining ron
vent, mcluding all propert) and
three !.mall nuns. A Dog reporter
a\ked The P~1dent what the
College'1 plans for the ne\\. ac
quisuon might be
"For too long no" a situation
has e\lsted here at lew1s and
Clark College Portland Oregon.
97219, \\here all donat1ons are tu
deductable , which I quite candld·
lr and ommscientl\', lind shock
mg. M) secret an has mlormed me
that male and female studenh
ha"e been tound shanng the\clme
campus. I I sJmph can t tolerate
this actton m what 1s supposed to
be m) rather 410 educational in
Stitution. c1entificstudr~. and m>· n , (\_ . ~-e'-perience a' a boy growing up tn
the rornOeld~ of lnd1anna, seem
deos•vel) to confirm the belief
that c.oeducational educatiOn m.:~y
or may not be damngmg to the
growth of young men and
women ThJt mtstcr smdrty-pant~
Dog reponer, I) am~ I refuse to let
the studenu takel
"Our 8usine s Manager ha~
stphoned off S200 to finance the
convers1on of the convent into
dormatory and cla)sroom faci1Jtie5
for all women )tudent~ , and three
small nuns. At tht\ moment, the
num are as~rsting m) w1fe, in
CO'-'cring all frescoes, tapestries ,
and other distractmg worh of art,
wuh a thid: coat of yellow pa1nt.
Student!> are e~pected to occup)
the ne" facilities by thi\ evening at
6 00. We've made th1s schedule
loose on purpose ~o as to allo"
any complaints that may ex 1st to be
elCpre.ssed Any and all appeals,
• l"lonHtOoa
~ince this 1s a <,tudcnt matter 1n no
-• • • ....
.... , ... • • • • ... • • -
• •
•
• •• • • • • • • • • • •
• •
• •
··~ ,, .wr ... 1 • a • . . ' . . .. .. . ' ,,. . ... • •• ' , . . .... . .
• • • • • . • • • • , .... ·. • • • • •
\ ' ...... ' . . ... .. ,
• • • • • • • • • • •
. ...... • • ...... . ... . . : ,... .
•' I• • • • •
as? •• • •• ..
• • •
• • • • • • .. • ·-· , . · .. • • ••
• ' • • • • • • • ... . '\ . •• • • • • • •• '., J:'
~ ·· .. )
...
• ~ • • • •
'
• • • ... • • , one \ • • • • • • • • • • ....... • • •• -· . ..
• • ,
• :
~'Good time had by air \.
• • ..... • • • -· ·o -.. • • • • • • . '· ' • • • • • ,
The cast and ere" of that zany
mus1cal "Khmer Kapades'' cer
tamly deserve heam applause.
from beginning to end the wacky
escapades of the madcap ere\\ of
the Ma) aguez kept an apprecia
ti\le audience well-entertatned -bad.ground of Amet~ca" • • us • •
The singmg and dandng de
sel'\ e congratulatioru, especially
on the part of the capt<~in plaved
b~ talented junior Jerry Otto We
tapped our feet and hummed
along to all of the songs, but most
of all to the tunes that he s.1ng 10
h1s fme manly baritone. The Cam
bodian captam, Whang Mar Dong,
was played by R C Chofla
The pia~ is of course ~ on
41 sue,poqwe) a41 .<q P'tJnJde.J
·~ d!4S e. tP!lfM U! .bewo1d!p
::>IJawv JO 1uappu! IUa)aJ li!Ul presence reaffirmed makes a fine
background for a rousrng tune
filled corned>·· Fir Acres Therater
deserves congratulations for stag
ing this play smoothly and with
apparent!~ no mistakes. Well
done!
The cast all performed ad
mirabl)· and sang sweetly Spec1al
ment1on r-hould go to the enure
cast and crew wh1ch conststs of
Ann Drogel"'lce. Dan Hube, Hal
Fast Meg Cotz, S1d Emontry. le1gh
Bia, and Rudy 8egga. (last but not
least Rudy!)
Tim product1on adds to rhe un
broken string of ~uccesses that fJt
Acres may Ia~ cla1m to We didn't
qUJte know how they would top
that cute production of King lear,
but they did • • • • • • • -• •
I • • •
/ I
• •
• • • • • •
' -• • •
• • • • .....
• • • • ' ...... ,
• • ... . ' • • •
Canvou ......... ., • ., ••• IIOW'. . .. • \ : --· ·" \ • • • • • • • • ;.: .. • •• • • • • • I -• • --....·· ' • • • • • ' • -·· ... • •• • • • • • •
ry~
• "'\ • '··· • •• • • • • l ;
~ . \•' .. -.. • • • • • • • ··"'~' : •, . ~· ·• . ... . • .,J .. e t: II .. • ,;. • • •• • J • .. • • • • J,.• ••
-.. • • • • • • • ••• . . .. . . . ~ ... -.. . -. .. -. ... ·. . . .. . .. ' • 1 : • I . . '.. . . . ' ' ....... .....,., . . --: -:-..:-···-. I • • • ,. _. . . . . ....... . • • • • • • • • • • • • • ., . .... __ ...
Platter C atter: A bitchin' record
Album Preview:
leek• Bob Average
alias
Rick Copper
Staff lnfect1on
The Sons ol Bernard- My Woof
Another really nice disc trom the SOB. Som~ fine
insttumental and vocal work-the Sons would be
nothmg without 11.
On stde one, there are twelve curs, mduding sa
from rhe Sons' latest album. At least another e1ght
have bt..coen geuing some AMI PM air play. My favonte
rraol on s1de on as an American Pte kind of rune wuh
oome r~lly sens11Jve l)•ric.s:
Indeed no seed could 1mpede or recede the
stampede freed b) rhe need for weed ITa~ e
heed of rhe bead breedl£cc.
h made me rhmk. whtch is more than I can say that
Fran'dy, my dear. we don't give a demnl Jackson Browne and Bob D)lan have done. The lync~.
mcidentally were scored bv the group's blind Il
literate Stevie Whitmore Whitmore al~o play!. bra1lle
piano and acoustiC phonograph . He has been de-.crlb
ed as havmg an e"<lraordinary feel for mus1c
On ~•de two, there are al!.o thrrteen cut!>, mcludmg
hve from the Son~ · previously erased '>tud1o com
positc. Just so you w1ll know when you buy tht: album.
these (he uac.ks have been devt!rly substituted tor the
~~mpty space you hear between the oth~r tunes. The
d1rterence is diif1cuh to detect, but a~ you will hear,
you really get your money's worth.
My favorite tune on side three i~ a rocker entnled,
"Stauway to Heaven" Wr 1t1en and composed b\-SOB
quadraplegic Midy Dolenz, "Stairway" resembles
somewhat a recent AM htl by an Engl1sh high school
dance band But the tune ·~ an original, 1he Sons
assure me. and a wrmen guarantee can be
sangumo~raa~d upon reque)t. Apnl 1,
Dear Mom, Jim IC. 11 .. 101., ~ ........ etwf •
I'm .\O fed up Wtth all this jive Ev~rybody 's down on
my case Nobody'// give me no fidel<
Ails I want 15 a fatr shake in ltfe Ails I wane iJ to be
deale an honest hand
I a~ked Reuben about all th1s and he told me to kiH
off .
That last leuer you wrote was really borrng I honest
to god don't c.ue about Aunr Pearls goiter Don't
even bother writing if you don t h.;we nothing to say
I'm sorry if I .sound rude but I never could tolerate
you and the old man Don't take 11 personal
Reuben blood1ed up our RA good yesterday and I
got m a few kiclo my~e/1 He kept screammg at us to
stop but I told him that /thought it was very healthy for
u~ to arr our dillerences openly That guy 1.\ .., real
moron but what do you expect from someone who
belongs co a fraterntty
I have th1s one professor that I) so stup1d rt's
embarrassing He leans up agam.st the blackboard and
gets chalk mark ~ all over him, and he drool~ down his
chin ~ometime.s It drtves me crazy. How can anyone
be .so ~tupid He ought to be >hot
I've been smokmg a lot of pot lately lr makes me
feel real mellow I'm gonna turn you and dad on to It
this summer.
Last nrght me and Reuben torched up )Ome pot and
watched TV all night long Me and Reuben kept
making these real funny remarks about the mowe Pot
really makes you 5ay .some really funny things Once
we really laughed hard When I get home th1s summer
I'm gonna .smoke pot every mght and ~ay funny thmgs
about the TV shows so you and Dad can )ee how Iunny
it really makes you
Thi\ college educat1on r~ ~o worthless It s bourgeois
mtddle clJ5). I'm gonna qwt and do \Omething
worthwhile like go to Sun V.JI/ey and ~kt for three
yean. I know the old man II h1t the cellmg If I tell h1m
that but. but who needs h1m
I haven't done any studying all year long Alii dots
smoke pot. eat and sleep Somet1me' I !>leep m bed,
)ometrme~ I sleep tn class. U!>ually I 1/eep with Ros1e
who I have thi~ real me<mmgful rela<ionshtp wrth Sex
t) JUSt like the cement that holds our relationship
together RoS/t! really helps me kec>p my sanrty in thH
damn counrry club Wtthout Rosre I'd be 10 horny.
Those t.Oolae) you sent Wt.'rC:: stale. BeucJt~, you
kno" goddamn well I can't scand oatmeJI cookiCl.
}ou Jre w )lupid \Omerrme, , Ct•t 11 together would
you
I thmk I'm rc•ally discovcflng mv identity latelv. I
have been di)covermg that I am a real be.Jullful
fll'f$on I disco .. en·d this while I WJS tnpping. You
kno\\ I think Ken Kest•y would re<JIIy thmk I am far
out.
I had J real great time liut weekend . I chugged a
filth of wr/d turkey and snorted ~ome coke and then
we .>Jt around and played hearr, Jll night,
I h<Jw been readmg .wme philwophy lately to try to
gPI my head together I've been g(!lltng mro Edstern
Philo\uph) very h{•Jvy b£•cau'>t' 1t is w be.wtllul Jnd
trut· I c.Jn really 1dentdy w1th BJboJ RJm D.m
PleJw tell th(• old man to qutl giVIng me thl) \Ob
'tory Jbout monev Monc>y JUU doe\11 't mt!•m
JIIVthlng. Ht• ge-h \O worlct•d up over .J mt•J)Iy ftlty
bud) rt ~ patht>t1c I ell h1m rrotto bother trylngtu piJy
011 my d<Jmn he.trbtrtng!> becau1e 11 won t work on
m£'. For once I'd lih to gm my check w•thout goms
through .111 th11 hCJ\>Ie.
I Sc n()w 11 '.Hkmg an o~wtullot ol you but would'vou
kmdly R••t on the IJJ/1 wuh that H·vcJter you'n• trying
ro kmt me
Love,
/eroml· .. .......... .
' : The F1 ' ' ' ' • ' ' ' • ' • • I • • • f
I • I • • I
f • • f • • • • • •
• • • f
I • I
f • • f • ' • f • • • ' ' DiscotJ
DAY t
J
I
·~
J
(
••••••••••••• 'II 1,
i-----.................................................................... ,
• • : The Ftrst Church of the Gooey Death And :
St
't
I
:>
r
I
)
f
I
•
• i D1scount House of Worshtp invttes you TO-:
: DAY toCASH IN ON YOUR FAITH: : ' . ' . ' . • • ' . ' . ' . ' . I ~' a
I , - e . *;.. . : ~ .... :
I 0
I I ' . I I
I 0 • • • • I • I ' . I I : ·~ ~ : ' . .. . I o
I I
I I
I I
I I
I 0
I 0 • • I 0 • • ' . • • ' . • • I o • • • •
•
For ONE WEEK ONLY you
can make a
SS 00 Blessmg Pledge
lor only
$3 98
And receive credit with HIM for
1he full Five Dollars.
Pleue Sond ell Choclta to.
Tho Rt!Jhl Rt'vtrcnd Bill\' Sol Har1111 do l"ht
f ''" Church ol lht CO()t>\f Dt-Aih o~nd 01~-• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • I : • • • • • I • • • • • • • • ; • • • • • • ································································'
• ICa
• Ktrk Kooley
Staff Writer
Last April. Playboy, Penahouse ,
and several other magazines of
like kind were removed from the
bookstore The s1ore's manager
had only this to say, "In makmg
the decis•on I was compelled to
" Oh forget that What i really
want to write about ts ME. That's
rtght rm dbout twenty times more
intereJting th~n any of these hiff
aHed things they've given me to
write about BlaaaaaaaHHHHHHI
I ~~~ tried to let myself shme
through, that why I write long
twuted sentenceJ and never make
any sens~ so you have to pay
auentton to me Mter all. would
anybody wrtte for this 'paper if
thetr ego wasn't so great they d
stop at nothmg for attent1on
AHAAA.AA/111 Now they need me
more than I need them and I'll
stop at nothing Me, Me, Mel I'll
senallze myself Wnce here,
every week I can see it now. And
juft watt. you'll be able to see 1t too
• ' • •
.. ... s
r-------------· I I
I I
I I
: e ut :
I I
I I I A wi.,e ch~nge of state I
I ~nuggle into golden Califomia, clean 1
sheets and smiles 1 uncover s.pring secreu-fresh I
I rhey lo<k limbs, finger1 1
probing golden linen I from beneath we circle, weave I
I peeling back heavy, gasping, breathing I
boughs of youth I I learning adults 10 childhood 1 m.-.aure (chureJ I
I Expressing ro p.ms of a whole 1
to wh•ch they are half 1 the flawless debute I
I findlly resting on beds. s1ghs I
of realilaaion I I Dreams conceived and touched I last real I
I lovmg you, I
I Ji,; Stock I 1 guest poet I
L------------.!
revea s ...
• • • • • ••• • • •
•• •
• • •
• • • • • • • • • •
•
• I
• •
• • • " • •
• •
• • •• • • •• • • • • • • •
• • •
• • - • • • .. " . .. .... -. . . • • •
• •
• •
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • •• • • . .. , .. • • • -... -•
-,._..
In t e event
emergency you will e
your page to a
Top Bastard
ghost written by.
Robert Average • • ll
fre~hmen enrolling m le~ ,~and Clark College nexr year will have a new appl1cation procedure . The Log rerrerarcd c1 copy of
the ne~ torm (rom lC RECRUIT CI\PT ~IN Beckmurh Helow1e< .
'l..tme (please srare tuft n4ime) )Orry, in1tiah only; ___ _
Se\. }e No __
Pn!HOU~ JOt». Floor Mopper·-- Egg Be4iter Pro Bo>.er·-
Do you ha"''e an)' broken bon~/ {II not how· manyl) 6_ 9·-
Plea~e list answer~ below
7. Mathematics
a. 71 2 _-..3'/16/
b 99 + 99 1601,_ lntellegance Quiz
c. Ho~ moJO\' brooms11ch do you rub on your face?
d. Nouc-e: it applu.am is over 18 3/.J years old, omit ques11ons 1,2 and 3
Ho"" good are your eyeball)/ Fair bcellenr __
1. Personal Information
1. Do you wear a beltr 'fe)_ No -
2. Ho"" long ha\'e 'OU been wor/..mg at your present occupa(lon, which is te..,ting bulldozer~ and other equipment? ~3
years_ c)l years_
1. How long have you been working otl 'OUt present occupation.
which is restmg bulldozer, 4ind orher equipment( 43 year) 61 yea"-
3. What 15 your favorite beer?
Prnk Ch.Jbll~- Thunderbrrd_ Chevy_
5 How long do you .)neeze rn Acapulco?
_.JS4.J9 S6 43 I prefer to answer larer.
Bonus: ~ychology r~.sr .
1 Whar color is margarmei
Bl.ick_ Turquoise Other (do not check)
2. What is rhe heat captlCity of swinging ladden/
Yes_ Ye>.-
J. Name che lirsr three capitah of 4 states in European towns;
Landmark_ Toothach•t:..:! _
4. What is the bloodlevel of your green rhumb pencil shaverf
Don'r know_ un't tell_
Never found 11; nope, forget •t-
•collee cup~ were used for currency among
British soldien: True_ False,_
Oprial lllusron:
It looks like one line is longer, but it isn't.
_ _,,etc one is shoner _They are the same
_There is no difference
Aruwers to the.se que.s11ons w1ll be found on the back of chis page
Free Room and Board!
Due to the shorr supply of hou~mg lactlitles, we do ask that you bring your mflacable raft (sorry, no water veh1cles allowed on
c.Jmpus).
Desired food: (If any) ChP.ck 2 only
Sliced Carrots Baked Plast1c Dominoes __
Due to the short supply of food, we do ask you to bnng enough lunches lor a one week wpply (Breakldst and dmner served )
Sorry, no meals.
End of test •. congratulations l
,._ ~-'" -_________ ___ one a real
turn
•
• April I, 1!7j
OSPIRC I
"Qwetly ar
go our of 1
1975.
"There a
-everythtr
way we lik
OSPIRC sta
Directors )
15Sued for
tounsc seas
"we·re s
anybody,"
"After re1
Oregon 1s 1f
by che Ne~
and che 0
dec1ded th
boat." spo~
mspired ~
group said
Oregon St
cent·
Formers
spend a f
de.sk.s, and
Elephant a
off and app
Departmen
the U 5 Fa
Woolach
Centers.
CASUA o\prtl 1, ,.,~
IN THE AR
•
Travel to distant lands . , meet excttmg and exottc
people, and kill themJ
your Army
Recruiter
T ay
An exercise in perceptual reporting 0 gaw_
anot er
to write
A1ck Cooper
a has
Bob Average
The new basketball coufls have
been mstallcd and t~re ready for
• dction. The news came by phone
yesterday lrom .1n elar~d Souch
Vietnamese cab dnver. • The man WiU 11 toundry wor~er
for eeghreen year~. making
shoelaces and earplugs for che
p;m quarter of a century, Hes w1te
drove a red CJnd where Volkswagen
with o rachomecer ; her mother
never did underst.md why the ram
caml' down in buckets. Bur the dry
sec~ on was over. It we~~ time lor a
new cow pasture ,.._ .. 7
•
door to s.Jy goodbye. The ne•c
door n~1ghbor 's dog wa
scratchmg hts back on a leg tha
musr have belonged 10 his es
tranged maMer, )lm. I thought fo
a mtnute, how odd it was that
should alwavs happen ro live nex
door to Jim ne1ghbors . The olo
man conrmued to pour h1s melk
into a plastic notebook .
G
ETT Is E etmore Yes. hfe WdS hard tn those
day\ ... two miles through the fr~.eSh
snow to d JOb that paid only six
doll.m a week. We m1ght have
done beuer by gomg to work. But
rh~ chtdem never compl.tined
when they saw the hatchet com·
ing: now IS neither th~ time lor When ar last thP. n~w
refngerator hc1d am"'ed, she
scurrred through the parkmg lot
.md nearly dropped her armload
of Chrhtmas presents. There he
was, six loot two, eytS ol worthless
brown, wagging his tongue at
some indecenrly underexposed
c:amerd nut. It w~s then th,u we
knew an endtng was ne.~r It could
be told only through rhe ears of
rho\e who saw our horrible dilem
ma. Unless, of course, a blue sky
appeared darn soon. We Y.~ited.
OSPIRC.. 10dt1y announced that
·Quietly and wi1hout fanfare" to
go out of exisrance on June 13,
1975.
"There are no more problems
-everythmg m Oregon I'>JUSI the
way we like 11," memben of the
OSPIRG srdff and stale Bo,ud ol
Direclon .. aid m a JOtnl statemenr
1)\ued for 1he begmmng of 1he
1oumt .season
"We're )Orry If we've offended
anybody," che llatement sa1d
"After reading how wonderful
Oregon 1s m the an1cles published
by the New Yorker. Newsweek,
~nd the Oregoman . OSPIRG ha.s
dec1ded ch.ll it shouldn ·r rock che
boat." spokelmen lor the Nadar
rnsplfed hype-environmentalist
group ~a1d "We're behmd the
Oregon Stody one hundred per-
cent "
Former scalf memben plan to
}pend a few days cleanmg our
de5ks. and paying lab'> at the
Elephant and Ca.stle and then go
otf and apply lor job~ at che State
Department of TramportdiiOn,
the US Forest Serv1ce and w1th
Woolach Bros Tire and Auto
Cent en
A\L
w
CASUAL, TRADITIO NA
NO CONTEMPORARY
HAIR DESIGN FOR
MEN AND VVQMAN
DO\NNTO\NN
PORTLAND
227·5534 secretly marrie
"I am not mamed, secretly or otherwise ."
.[\ Edd Whetmore redlly telling the truth? Or is he
.some ~ort of bdmbooLiing buffoon/ We sent ace Log
reporter CorneiHou\ Schely to lind out.
''Now, Edd" Mr Scllely began the tere-d•tete w1th
the mlamous Log adv1sor. "let's put our cards on the
table f'm a m,m. you re a man,let's face 11, there .ue
dlot of men m tha crazy world. And as men. we share a
bond th<H even fire can't break. You know 11 takes one
to know one n'e~tace pa)( And fr,:ml<ly, I tor one, Mr.
Whetmore thml< you are full of balonev. Now what')
a/1 th1~ Ill ear about you nor being secretly mamed/"
"/am not secretly m~med'' Mr. Whecmorerephed
It w.n obv1ous he wa) lytng.
"Surely Edd,you are <~ware that practically
everyone gets married. Mr. ~nd Mrs Nixon are
mamed Mr. and MrJ.. Howard are married I'm
wil/mg to put mone)' on the notion that even your
parentJ. were mamed Now let's be grown up about
this You can't turn your /c1ce to the lc~cts of life. Que
sera, sera. Enough of )'Our be.Jtmg around the bush,
Mr. Whetmore Ll't'} IJy 11 on the line So why do you
keep saymg you re not )ecretly mamedl"
''I'm noc secrer/v mamed'', Mr. Whetmore lied • a gam.
"Really, Mr Whetmore, you c-Jn bet vour pml<
glfalfe that Cornei/ou\ 5chc•ly" not going co blab th,.,
to che re'>t of the world \Ill want to know 1s whv you
refu~c to tell th<: re\1 ot th~ world that you, l1ke other
-\mt>ftcam • .tr<: .H:•cretly married.''
I am not mdmed", TilE LIAR SAID_
··1 CJfl iee ~" e · re gewns no\., here. All fight. Mr.
Whetmott!, Mr. Edd Whet more, we'll plar your liule
game. Now how m.mv pt•ople ne<Jring their mtddle -
aJled vean are not mamed( \\'t•ll. I'll tell vou, d<un
few, and that'\ J fact. People 'mce the begmmng.>f
hhtory gave !{Otlt~n mcJrried, '"k. Dr. Kittel 1\nd
pc.>ople in Zambta, Po~ki,tJn, Uragu.J>'· m all \Orh of
cultures get m.uflcd too Dr Drew could tell you that.
Zillions ~I pt•uple have goltt>n mame.•d .mcJ they didn't
go around \Jying rh~v d1cln ·r s.,. 1\tr. \.\ h~tmore. are
you going to tell me the truth or .1m /going ro have to
wring 11 out of your
"I dm not m .. micd". tl1e ttlthv l1<1f \:Jid.
"O.K. Mr. fanq P.mh, llot -~hit \VJwtmore. what
maJ..~, you thmk vnu're \O weo~l? /U)f bt•C. I~'e ~ou ~e.•t
)Omt? IO~\ /y lc( IUIIH p0\1(1011 oil thi' t~lllt' 10\lltUIIO~,
vou rhmk yuu <"Jn rut~ thl' world. don., you I Don t
youl \\ C'/1, vou <:,w't, ,\lr Stvlt>t llo~u-cut And let ~e
1~11 vou .mu th~:r thing. Mr huh)' tot') J.,h-dt'-d, ,h Pl#f•
.)ou'r~ notlung but ., guml-tor-nothmg 'cag, rhat >
VI-hilt vuu Jre. L \iervullf• tiJink' ,n, The Ed1tor tioe.l. the•
1\fallilging Editor clot~'• the ~' hc.Jif• ''.ttl Jne), and all of
the protc>)O" do I'll bt•t e\ c•n Prt•udNit I 10\\ RD
I lA TlS ~OUR CUT,Ci_ I'll 8'"" you one more chJncc
before 1 blo .... my sta< k Wh)• c:m't you ddm11 you're
)t'< rNiv married?''
"I <HIJ not :.\CI"fetly m,:u,ecl" ~a1d rhc 'llmey, tup1d,
t.hec•,r, t wo-b1t. )nolly lucie pcfll~ffecl gwrll'a "u:~rdo. •
-such ~ o~hoolawe ~ dnazawtl.
Green Suspenders
There 11 w;as, ught m the m1ddle
of a dirt parh near her home: a
book entlllf•d Adm,al of the
Oce.m S£>.1 She opened 11 up .lnd
started eattng When the soles ol
her leer had worn beyond
recognition, she p1cked up the left
end of her brother's handkerchief
and drove on. The sun set lace that
do~y c~nd ic wasn't long until he
came upon a magnificent cuy
My uncle's hand shook hard
and long I smiled and shook mme
tor a wh1fe In return. It was rhen
char I knew what her late would
be. I cor~ acrou the room and
stopped, jusr before opening the Sure enough, he was having
''Hamburger Helper'' lor dmner.
His borrowed brush pamted
skillfully across the desk lamp
One more time. she seghed, and
that was it. I had been levmg th1s
way too long.
"I've got ro get our!'' I
whispered, time and ttme agam .
But no one was there to carry me.
The story would ha-..e ro end soon.
I knew ir would ~nvway ••. l held the
26 keys.
And sometime soon, teams w1ll
be tormed to compete in in
tramural basketweavrng. lewis
and Oark College cannot alford a
net.
--Packs have been mys1eriously vanishing from the
Templeton Quadrangl e. See story, Page 3 (hell, I think 11's page3).
··············································~ !ATTENTION STUDENTSf . . i i Students wishing to inJure themselves or • ! their dependents for summer coverage !
: under the STUDENT MEDICAL PLAN. :
: which covers you automatically while ! ! you're attending school. should apply i
: before June 30. 1975. Applications : ! will be distributed through campus mail :
: and will also be available at the Studen; : • • : Health Serv1ce. : • • • • • ~ ••.••••••••••••••••..•......•......•••••••••••• Reporter
by Tom V •n Oomelen
"Tom ktd, we're doing a 4-page
parody issue and we'd really lih
you to blast someone or
somethmg .''
.. J'm sorrv. Mr Editor but I don't
Wftte sroriCj M;e !hat anymore."
"\\hat I You mean we'll have no
more potson pen letters. no more
irate coaches and athelctcsl"
"That's r~ghr l'vt' cleaned up my
Clct So far I've alienated the
vrc)r/ers, b.Jsebatlers, /. V bJskct
bJIICt5, a lt•nntJ. player and )andy
Shatp I thmk JU t1me I rook J bar
of D1alto ffi)' Pitp••rmare."
"But Tom what about those
loyal fan) of yours? \\'hat wtllrhe)
!>a) l"
"\\'dl, I lJU<'J) Mom and D.1d
Wll/ JU$1 hllVI' to rent>W thl'lf ~UO·
scnptlon to NiJliOnal Lampoon."
''Now let's b'.! reasonable, Tom
boy. II'' rhc •'nd ol thf! yt!ar. Who
can you hun. I hey won't ha"'"'
trme to cancel your ffnan'-'131 ard
All Wl' need •~ one mor•· utll tale "
"L•st••n Satan, don't '"fflPI me
With no }wcy applt> My butfoomg
diiys <~rc over ,._nd kncx:S. ott rhat
Tom-boy !.tuff, John-bob "
'10kay, v.e won't a~k you for a -
(
( •
I
IJ
. ?~ prostttutev ta ent
rtMI fryer. Ju~t d little taste A
tea!>er Liked little cnauvanlst-~ tyle
reporting of a women's softball
game, or a gossipy rumor about
one of the coach('\ Nothing btg
and dangerou~ Rt!mPmberyou 're
not only JCapotdlllng our lporh
)ecuon, but you'rt· abo killing our
"l~tter s to the f<~s(rst Editor':."
column."
''llitr. Editor, If I told you once.
/\c told you rhric~. I've changed
from naughty and nasty to nt~c .
Whar I'd M.e ro do rs a good
c..>duc.-.ttonal piece on tlie lu tory
of Lt::Wil <Jnd Clark's athletrc:
program5 rllrough tlw ycJrs. Or
bt>ttcr yet a brogr:aphy of Coach
ftx's C<lrcer. I gueu If would b~
about the .same .srory"
"1om, Tom,lom. Wht•redidwe
tOJill "C gtvc j'OU freedom. W~
g•vc you supporr. We giv~: you thl!
brc•ak )'OU nt•eded, and whdt do
you !§lVI'! usl A roydl Sldb tn tht•
I..CJck. That\ grahtude you two-bit .. ...
''S k '1 " lit .s a11u 5tones ...
"Shut up, ~.;rct!p, NoY> whdt do
you really want? Money( An
editor's po~tl Stocksl Rond~(' '
"All I des" • 1.s the sattsfac:tion
rhar rny ltter.uy eltoru are bPing
duly appreCiated by rhc maJority
of our srudenr body "
"Iandy Sharp tncludedl " '}andy Sharp e~pec,ally "
"And Coach Herge,rt and Dave
Chambers and the wre,tlerr,l"
"Of course"
"VD, tnl\ is like All actmg
modest. I JUSt can't believe u·~ you.
You're not the ~ame ol ~adi~ttc
manipulator of spotty sports
chatter I used to know and love."
'T1me) and p~uple chc~ngP- ,
pervl!rt
"Weill gues~ there's nothtng to
do but get someone el\e to"' rill'<~
story. Ot course it won't be the
same, but ... hcck, ther(.•'s nothtng
"'e can say to change your m10d?"
"N(Ithrng. You't•• talkmg ro cJ
man of rmni:iple A man of rdea/s,
a man Wlt/J a con:.cicno·. A tru~
JOUtna/ht WI(IJ UllC/Ut•:JiiOill'd
I •• }Crup t·~
Oka>, Tom. !Jut you re<~lile thl\
lOili!' me 10 10\·\l'r vour gr ,,dt•
from an "A" to a "C".
"I don't c.1 ... Wit at?"
"You heard mt•. So wh<Jt ht~vc
yuu got 10 say."
"W,•II Mr Editor. I heard,, lmle
in~1dc tip on .l /C b,u/wtba/1
translt•r.l could ti!ally IJiow tt up lo
"'k " m. e ..
"I knew you'd Set• 11 our W3)'·
lt~.e tht.: saYtng goes, "You c.1n'r
teach an old dog new trtcks,"
"Wool/ Wuult" T rl•le Cam bot
"The mmute he walked In the
door .. " I wa~ sunk. My heart
plunged.
Tall. tan and with the reach o(
Abdul Jabbar, "He" stretched into
my life in th~ same way all his
predece1osor~ had.
All I had to do was see THEM
hangtng around Pamplin-the
tenn1s courts, werght room, ping
pong tables. anythrng to do with
spom JOCKSI
To~ pornted, his well-turned
~rlhouette potsed in mid-arr, "He"
f~rst attracted my auentron rn the
May Fete fri~bee contest on lower
campus
"He" earned away the trophy
with all the humility and grace of
j1mmy Connors
loyalty to my profeH1on
demanded that I track th1s
character, recording hr~ chronicle
for po~tenty A scoop my cunousi
ty couldn't restst maligning .
Even from my dtstant vantage
pomt on the veranda of the
M.1nor, I could make out the
dexterous fmgers. Ah, many year~
of mtense wrapping of digilals
.1round the plastic platel
"He" mu~t have magnetized
11p~ No toss was too high, too low,
too w1de Once within hrs reach,
"He" engulfed the platter like a
Venus Fly Trap. A smtrk broke out
over his ruggedly carved feature~
Hrs t\irk Douglas chin Jutted as he
wetched to pull in strll another
My head became light.
"He" had been at It many
years ... ever since the disk-craze
hit back In the 60's.
A natural wrist-flick led him to
his first thle: McNamara Junior
High. Regionals , state tourneys
followed. "His" fame, statue and
tan geometrically increased .
Practice became heavy The
Frisbee King dtsowned h1s
girlfriend , SAGA card, even clc~~se\ Eye of the ultimate,
World C..olden Frh.bce
lion.
leaping ilod bounding in
of Stewart touch honed
perfection , "He" titillated
Insatiable! crowd~.
Nuryeyev would nave
green w1th envy
I longtngly gazed
SAGA .• procrastinatrng befort
Inevitable confrontation ..
over-commi tted myself
volunteering for this assis••
War. tnrs too much for a small
college ragl Where was
Illustrated l
"Hi.," wnue net
rcvedled almo<:.t too
Arching to ~oaten the plast1c
expamive chest would
tmmea~urable dimen~
Clamp All ''His." A g~st ot
eKaped through hrs he.art··Sh•.
mouth Frequently,
Kam1kaze dive~ would
"Him" fearlessly to the g
Rollrng ~evcral times, "He"
immediately spring to ''His"
Heart of oak
My day of reckoning frnally
rived we found ourselves 111
pre~ident's foyer, waiting to
cus., our respective "aca
delinquenc1er. "
My chance, I had to grab II'
Started wath a simple orwo,..
"now are yal"
"His" delicious lips p· nt:o_
tensely ~earchmg for the
propric1te words
My spine ttngled. Awai11n1
profundity . surely the first II'
mrng What c1 natural s•
the rnterviewll I
"He" struggled ... nothlng
nervously fingered his
( rlsbee-theraputlc uses, I
ed, then: the vacuous stare
chilled the most hopeless
e 0 0 f t f t t 0 t 0 tt f I o t f 0 t 0 Oft t 0 If t t Of f Of • tO
. .. ·········· ...................... ..... .,
he put my heart in the
freeze
••• •••• ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• spirit
Your a~sum
the use of
the 1
your act ton
m clear viol
sf.'clion 111 ol
1 rvH(et havrn
unpau youl
k College''
\ou haw• beE
year rn n
:Ml',,ll n from }
unable to
~p.1cr m your hJ
WJOfJIIng vdrio
·~reJH pOIICIC\,
" .. On behalf
IIIII
Charges:
On Februc~ry i
R where Cl
On ,\otarch 3,
.. m,,n<ttion as ,
red after
ng offtCial!>
ond RD rei
Hawley a11
IW'ftn~n .. •n dat10j
n The seco
ch 17. Suppc
the letter <
act" wn1C~
JDoon, and e~
regulat1om
nning the I
s Sakas:
11.11un before d
ll Aryn Me1
zfeld and d
t~d a keg
~t1ng The iq
2) Kegger •n "-!
.~.-.. r-. .. t, c~nd dol
rn around ar
~ the t~
resoon•.ibtle rn ~
unw1ritten rule t
A. 1\.eggcr 10
~ryn , Aryn a
B.Keg(<cr rn J
secunty, VIa
(only a few wl
prov1ded foo
.snd Hoffma~
l.lt WI)~ .l p
later. althou1
authority tu <
basement lro
come to hm
(}aka .. .tddcd
ty for deci\IO
2 Juniper
l.:aw ... but no
Many college athelete rely on feet. left foot (right). Right foot (left) Beer and pt
l~allPened (per I
l•w.)
I Pioneer log ed•tor J•m Kershner
y~terdJy announced tht: ter
mination of 45 log ~taff member~ .
The reason WdS an allegPd mcl~~ive
~1ola11on of alcohol policy
'They weren 1 really fired," said
Ker ... hner, ' I JU~t told 1 hem to
choo'>e between alcohol and the
log"
Ker~hner i~ the only person
remJinmg on the ~tdff
The confrontation occurred on
Tue~day night when Kershner
moiled 1nto the log off1ce only to
diKover what he termed "a
hedoni~ tic ntghtmMe of !tel{ and
hquor" taking pldce
Tuesday night i\ the t1me the
new~paper ~~ normally produced;
d funct1on trJd•honally termed
"lay-out"
' You wouldn 1 believe wh.H was
gotng on'' ... aid Kershner "There
wa ... alcohol everywhere you look
ed .md I personally c,Jw \everal ..
• v1es •
people com.ummg 1t". Kershner
refused to comment on the sex
charge !taymg only "people were
'>Orl of rubbing one another" He
did wy the rubbe~ conmted of
opposmg '>exes
Rumors are rampant that log
adv1sor Edwardd Jayy Whetmoree
was Involved, but these rumor'> are
unconftrmable Mr Wht!tmorce t\
!>till on probat•on lrom charge ..
stemmmg from last year\ annual
faculty orgy
Kershner told reporter!> that he
has ab~tatned from alcohol all of
h1'> ltfe He tells this story of h1s
moral decision "When I turned
16 In North Dakota, my daddy
took me aside Jnd he sa1d, Son if I
ever catch you drinktng alcohol,
or with alcohol on your breath you
know what I'm gonna dol I'm
gonna k1ll you' Now my daddy
was d good man and he drank like
a fish. He drank more than 01ny
!>even men I've ever \een. But my
daddy he wasn't no hypocrite .
Because he really would have
ktlled me."
• Pres.
for Nuts Award
OUR PIONEER HER IT AGE
"lhe students are just gomg to
have to learn to h~1gn for
themselve< President
5 ~-mopped gllstenmg
beads of persp1rat1on off his
furrowed brow The mercury had
nu 93° and ~o had the barometer
Thirty· two people were packed
mto the Gray Room like sardines.
The Board of O~rectors. the
)AGA ~tdft the Students Ways and
Meals Commmee, the Theatre
Department all were pre<>cnt to
he~~r the Pres1dent's proposal
We've already begun prepara
tiOn for next year dnd therets
nothmg you can do to <otop it
The Proposal-
No mcah will be <>erved at SAGA
beg1nning next fall. Student'> will
be obliged to livt! off whdt they
an find m the cc1mpu .. environ-
-look clt all the splen
possibllltie) we hc1ve here.
\\'hv, there'~ roots. bt•rr~t.><i, '.lrmall
llnurnJto;-There muo;t be hundreds
ot moles tor examplt•. And there'.s
IPientv ot b1rd-ltlc. In tact, there's
p!ent} ol CVt!rythmg, if the
~udcnts would ju~t usc theu
head~ .
The monev normally U\Cd for
scr~1Cc.s \o\ oulcJ ht>lp fund the
ren~:lv-'t•on ot Fteldts Dmmg I tall.
Tlw ThcdtH! Dt•partrn~nt hc1s
~n looking lor ,, new
3)hou,e-wcll there vou havt~
I'm '>Uh: we could fit .1 'lrtolMe In
and some '>f'rlh. -\nd the
c::ould be u"ed d\ .1 dr•• .....
room.
Ru:h,ud Willi\, Ch;urman ot the '
fhc.urio Dcpdrtment-
lt's rc.JII)' not what we h.td 1n
,lll<hard Willi~, Chdlfmiln ot the
1ca 1rri(:~ Department-
lt' ll!ally not what we had tn
d.
Thad 1 homa\, me.tl supervt!~Or,
.......... /\-But I'm gonna be out of a job!"
. : ~·.· ..... -
"Sacri fice~ must be made
Hawley. Dean of Students-
The students aren'tgoing to go
for th1s, II take their
money over to Reed---. . -
You don t understand . We're
domg them a favor Putting hair
on the~r chem G1vmg them some
of that old Pioneer stamma. They'll
thank us-in the end
It ha~ been assumed that those
students who make it through the
winter might be able to plant
vegetablt? gardens to supplem~nt
thetr diets A tee of $50' 20 ,q. ft.
will be charged c1s land rental.
It's not like we rt: rot.tlly .tban
donmg them, no sir W1th the
money we save we <.an get
~omebody, th.:u Gibbons guy for
instance, to come in and tedch a
course tn edible plant~ and how to
survive in rhc wilderne\s.
The plan will save O\er S1,720,-
039.00 a year. No SAG,\ to P•lY,
lower electncity b1fl~. (ll) students
will probabl)' be sleeptng more),
.md le)s "ork for Mluntenanct!.
\\ • "on't have to h11c people
to prune the trt•cs, mow the lawns
01 pull wet!d5> Jn) marc.
Gene Strand, ,\-1allltt!n<HlCC
Supenntend~n t-
''1 think 11') a damn good 1dcil. --........ .. -· -
If this wor~'> Wt:ll ne~t yt•.tr, the
vcrJt lollowing we m.t\ try .mothl'f
idl!.t I h..td-dosmg the dorm and
havmg the ~tudenh camp out on
1 he l,t\o\ n all ye.u.
Objc< tions. \o\ ere voiced, but the
Prcstdi•m ~tood Ius grountl. Some
sht•d tc.u , others threw t.muums
and ·' lew dropped to their kne ..
and b~gged .
It appc:us not onl) the
students are Wllihy-washy. wa .. hts
onl) replo; • •
• lewis and Clark College
April 1 . 1 975
a cohol violation cite
Will the log conunue to be
produced/
Yes ·did Kershner . "I'll do 11
on my own unttl my staff awaken~
to the \Obermg consequences of
whdt they•vc done. They'll be back
you better believe It '
Several of the termmated staff
membN~ . when contacted by
phone expre'>~ed their reluctance
to return to rhctr po!oh. "I think I'll
take A.ikido •n~tectd ". said one.
Mdnaging Editor Bob Rowe ~id
h~ pldn\ to puhue free-lance
wrhing and 1s sending m some
mat(.>riilto "Nc1ked Confession~ of
o1 f rue Oetecuve ' . "The log has
bPcn good pr.~cuce for this sort of
wnung •• Rowe added
Wtll this <oeand.tl rum the highly
oiled communication~ machine
known as the P1oneer logl Who
know~ . One thing IS sure and that's
that nobody ~eems to have any
l,uth m dnything anymore and this
1s just c1nother example and I tell
you 11 pf'rsoncJIIy make~ th1s
reporter stck .
/
Continu~ rom
Inside/
Jerome gets nasty
... Page 8
Sportswrite r
love finds
... Page X
Rece~sion ends
. .. Page 2
I' ......
I' - " -' -....
..I
' ..I
Rub Rowe, nov•~c Editor 01 thl!
P1onc .. , Dog, has been dragged
I.:Jl:ktng .tnd screammg, o~ cr the
obJccuom of .tlmost nobodv. out
ol saul offlcc. Ace copv boy. and
r~ally-ntre-gu), )ed 1\,lutlmJn ha~
IJccn )clc' ted~~~ nc"' I lead Ed, Hi~
c.ommcnt: ''t,;t•ep~rs. that mean~
they H•.tllv do like me. All of •em
Coach fretl \\ ilson. Mums) and
o.~d .. y and the gtrl IJa<:.k home I
nt·v~r e'en had. I prom•sc 'em all
I'll \o\ rnc really n~t e thmKS about
'em, anJ \\Ont not ne,er noho"
let that degenerate duo Kershner
a111 I RO\\ c get then ~rcasy iingers
on typcwrue• kcrs agam. I like all
ot vou, and I really hope rou l1kc
me to ' II )·Ou nc>cd 1 lo\ e, all you
d I ••. nee ~~ o ..• Sue Nell Sweet
d r Lewis and Clark College by
It was evident at the ~o~~ r~~~: an insutution tor \he plrsu~
the messteurs tev.l'> an a h" e ... tabli .. hment ot mora an
ol technical knowledge. ~o: :lo~tishing ot creatl e cognltllll!
ethical stabthl)' and tor t c d of upmost conce• n among
oce)Se5 was torthcomtng an d the compelling forces to
~:rly .. ettlcrs •n the e7""~" d~~ng and youthtul rnind!t was
t?~tabli .. h lluch a n~t h or ~nou<o halh ot the College wer~
irrepressible and o ~ c ~e., and bu..,tle ol .. tagecoach~ a~
erected ,.mttht th~ad~~ ea\ong the as!>uaging v.at~~e~ ~h=t
lerryboJt'>. promc . lied ent\y to Jmorous o
WiiiJmette Rwcr whtch\o.. C<~ h'\ ~auling tall'> OJscaded am?;g
fantac;ied Jlong her b.Jn > w '~om Ah, what splendod '". at
\iii e., ol the valley and dand~ man ~o contriVe such 3 tlowert~g
evidence ol the upremacy o I ngtngs to e'(pre~s hts qu~t ... or
lc ot m.an's tnnermost o t the ~ight ot sucn a
ehxamp L nowablc. h•s burning rapture a Led dec;iderations tor t e un... E=mcl and h• ma'>"' delicate cqultlon as '
phtlosophtc.tl a~h~~~~s . ol mmd and ~pint: threh~ '~~~~:::~
1 he men • wtt d d I ent planntng" tc d
brutal!)' mto mdustnou han. . '~m•ns blooms ofbegon~as ~.
for days on end am•d~t :h~ mo;ntng'~ first de'". lch on n•t~~~
he ;ukhns tcan; o ther day-24 hours'""'
t pbetorc the )acrament of a nod du-'-# an infn"'tl of wmS" L hts a oz.en 1.:"-11· b 1 hatch a thousand '"oug , d" h -h lay trosnqualle e ore to fl nto the •nhnltu c ,... ,... •h .. J.nnucnc\.''
tn!.Cct't to dart o t \"'L ~t splcndo•l \\ dt ~ ~ L r ds and men ~~ ,,.. 1 "d ctCrO 5 tne the ') es o go { the un•veJSC ~praw c
The mcuba\Cd drcdm o and <.tones of the maJC'''
.. lwc ;md alighted u~on ~~c ;~~ ~e~s of un~u!l~)e ung n~n1s,
to• W' ~ o~c•look•ns t \C ose ~ hllhng cart.~~cs hllcd wu ' le
Jd~ to embrace them wtt ... They sw~rmed'" mno;,sd
~~ow\cdgr and mptcuc at the~~~~' onder ,lulhl\m nt The~
upon t\w "'..til of gra\:Cj ~op~~ \o the earth a !I thctr cy\.'\1 pa:c~
sluorJ w•th awe: ston~< , f :::tml.!nt above. h, '"hat p en ~~e
hom tone to \tone to,' ,;,mate d\p~rauons, far beyond s
\\'hO'J.t c•vtdcncc ot men s ~~ Anthems tell hom the hca en
.nablc rh. lh c ·rna e lhcre ~eemcd to be an
~;~ th" l•x.ultant vo•~ ol ~~~d I rom whence the prat\l'5
"r1urc .-mtd\t the btllowmg meaOO\"~ would one d.l
a pic och could be hcard.lhc c urabdlc "ad to ~uppcdttatt· the o g r ld t m;uurc rnln s, re h Ah wh-'t
b~ protltgtOU tc 11 0
1 \Oe5tlmable dept I
ld "•th protund•t•C\ o. II find no c~prC\!I•On e-.: n
\'II or 10, ~ of 11 a can
plt•ndorl The uu~"ll ·tr• tiC 01 thl! learned men.
;){llOil ~ tht• 100\\ C • Students ~runk
in Swe en
"' t,>ed~n log Commutee
Dear Ed1tor,
"Norwegrans dnnk b~r and
snap' Danes dr~nk snap~ and
beer. 5" edc5 JUSt drank.'' The
national dunk •~ nap~ : 86 proof.
guaranteed to put ou under.' ep,
"c'r~ submerging ou~el,.:es rn the
culture!
A~ well a gamrng ~no'' ledge
through our acadcm 1~, "' e\ c
been learning >Orne ot the bJ~rc
I acts ol evef)·da) hft!. For rn~tance:
one do~ not frv a sit~\\ mg hem:
onl' dO~$ not pula pia~ tic plate m a
"arm OH~n blood puddinN h
blood pudding denial no~s m
S\\ edl'fl '""' ll.Jbh turn> oul to be
toothp•cks; beer-ball on Sunday
mu>t be plann~ on r rrda) b) si
(as \!\Cr)thmg ·~dosed b) lhen).
fellow Am~r icans, a bn of ad
vice lrom our expenen ce: 1f you
e\'er come to Sweden, don't e~-
To 1he Editor,
\ e rt!spec dully dechne to agree
'' ith the appra1sal put IOI"\v.lrd in
thr!> ne" paper. Cordon l~ IS not
rhe number one academ1 c
honcho at this college!
Ob~ iously the writer Of the artl•
de, Rna Ballard dot.-s not ~pend
much ome in the library, at lea~t
recentl)·. II she had, she would
ha .. e nottced another permanent
library vulture broodmg over his
lndustnal lnde•es in rhecorner by
the social! acceptable perrodrcal
Secl1on.
He doesn't smoke, he doesn't
drink, he dot!Sn't do the hootch)·
coo. All he docs is study, !>tudv,
stud\, not 3 ~rngle goddam screw.
\\ har do~s he dol (for one place)
pett 10 be U:lCOn\prcuou'>. Erther
that, or lca"c )OW 0\-Cralh, bo1d:
pack\, htkrng boot • do'' n Jacket~ .
str:ught·lcgged JCam, <i.lo'" \-\.alk
m~ pace,, ;.md loud "orcc c11
hom"·
,"1rd'>ummer is comrng up;
about the erghth holiday ... rnce
y,e\c been here. Evel"\'bOd)
"·?em' to ha-.c a plan. The ten dcJ}~
\\111 gh" U\ umc to go north to the
1rdnrght un, to NorW<~) for the
fjord'> to happland to see rt they
rcJII\ do cat bark and ride on
rerndccr or to DJiarna-the
center of the Mrd ... ummer
celebratron s, (lollr.dan crng,
Ma,·polL ... , good lood and good
trmc...).
Good luck on your final!.!
Guess Who
P.S. For dcta1ls of a more personal
nature, Zahcr w1ll be glad to share
all that he knoY.s, A rran ... -Atlantic
phone call•~ only SlO.OO tor three
minutes. Call 0181128127.
H1s lew pare momenh ill c
~pent tmltmng w1th h1~ old green
JCcp. rock tnt; on tht! weekend s, or
plavrng squa\h with Cooper or
Ob1e. Hi~ heavy schedule keeps
h1m ocwp1cd most of the day,
w1th t1me off lor three good (and
large) meal,; a da).
\'\'e know that Gordon 1s to be
commended . For he got into Har
vard wh1le grow1ng up at rhe
Open Seas. But our man
thuves on econom1o and the Ole
Irish Inn. The other side-ol the
tracks perh.tps. Never-the-less ...
Oa-.•d Knowle~ we salute youl
R~.-spectfully submiued,
Scott Dov. ning
John Ender~
--~
d Ch t I "L'. M · B 11" Kershner I IOt·tn· re ........................ lmm) "ISS ) U
... · Ed Rob ·11 "Rocket" Row•• nC.ttng tror ·······-·········-·················· (,.
Acing ReJ)()rter .•...................... _.. .•......•...............• Sleve Blurb
Aetang Up ··········-·· ··-·······-·········--············· ·· Edd Whetmore
la) ·Out ................ ···························-···· ··········· Gayle Marcus
Is 11 Anl -............................... D<ne Rod, Jennifer Saunders
Hum and Peekers ................. Jennifer Woody, Alan Wachter,
Jana Johnsen
\\ nter .................. ................... Dorin" Horn1e, Sucnell Sweet,
Rick Cuper ate, Doug I et>ring
~rts ......................................................................................... ..
Sprr11ual Gu1dance .............................. Jim the 1\, Ciuo1 Dave,
Gayle, John, ltnda, and a
lew we may have forgeuen .
Everything here prin~ is
r.ure fiction. Malicious In nature,
lt .5hould re taken ~ the
dee pest fom of personal insult.,:
f. •
I ERS·
Retard slander
ed
leu~r l> to the Editor
To the Edttor:
The article written OJbout me'"
the Dog wa .. embarra ~sing and
mr~lead ing. 11 I reallr '>.lid that
quote about "tho~e filthy \;ermin"
11 ·was obv1ous I dedn't mean it,
1 thin!.; it's trresponsible JOur
nalism to prrnt quotes that people
d•dn't really mean.
Hoyt S Pct.ud
Editor\ note~ He~ Ha.
Jock slander
ed
To the Editor:
I thmk its obv1ou., to everyone
nov. that the Dog's sportswrrters
don't l..nowsports from bat guano.
How am I suppo~ed to ~end m>
f!IO&her a clipprng that c.11l~ me
''250 pound~ of bulgmg deiJciou.,
muscle?" That stUrf 1s down11ght
embarrassing .
Sure I got curly hair that women
love to run their finger~ through,
but what kind of headline IS
"k<lger•., Kinky I< uris Krumblc Ko·
ed Jo..uttes ·••
I think you should face 11: '>POll'>
page.s are lor mothers ol guy~ liJ..e
me, .md you l>hould just run .1 large
photo of me and .,pell m) name
rrght, and forget about the rc~t of
that crap.
Joe (Ace, ~trl'l(h , Flcssh, T .mk)
Jones
Ednor's note: Shut up
Faculty slander
ed
To the Editor:
I would just like to point out an
in~qutt\1 th•u crlst~ ott thi~ \Chool.
Studenh ha\:e to pJy d lot of
moner to be at lt'Wh .utd Clark.
On 1he othw h3nd, lacultv and
)taft don'l h.tH· to pd\. Tht·y otC·
tually get patd
fs thi~ latr ur what?
signed,
J, Flints, fcon Dept.
Editor's note: You •d1ot. •••• • •
• • •
< : ) 0
, ' ~
' >
•
•
John Endett
Staff Writtl
But what would you do if it was all SOCIAUSTl Or tf it
into your own housel Would we have to leave the CITYl ,..,._~
we still have WILDERNESS?
It all of course IS a deep and very very SERIOUS 1ssue W
will we do tomorrowl How many rrvulets IS a creek? What's
rad'??l Dear Mom what's his namel Lousy rat-riaoe
PINKOS! II
How many other good people do you thrnk would ~erve
all that mind-and body po1sonrng yukl And that's not aiL
The people runmng the show are very very
CAPITAUSTIII All they do IS make money (yours, vou11
your\! I) when you drJp pasta and fro~ty rootbeer down
snout When are you all gorng to wak.-up to thi!l ghil
perperrat1on? A<. Or Swaru would sJy, "The only good C•n"·""
t!> .t red Commy "Or another "Why don 1 we have fned R
for drnnerl"
Look out folks, you'll never have., )Ccond chance. Thi!> IS
A!> 4 tnend would say, "The he.tt •~ on, the jig 1<. up, the world
collap .. mg."
Of course th1~ is not to say that we cannot make 11. t:v1~'"'onf
makes u. Well, almost. Out then again?...
I would like to take th1s opportunity, right now and here
Now Here. heilr now l), to warn you all of the mo)tlnlimate
lmmtnent occurence . The year is o'•er. The c.1reer rwn
careerl) IS endrng. On to bigger and better thing~ ... But
b1gg~r bener? Well, now then aga1n
There are a lot ol thrng\ in this world to get p1!1sed off aoor
And I get pr\~oed off about everyone of them.
R1ght now I am <.o pl\~ed off I coJn't '>t'l' \lr.s1ght (or
!oltdlght). I .tm P~'Sed off dt CN.Jid ford for droJggrng hi' feel
reu·~~tng, I am pMed ull .tithe doll.rr for rnfl.rtmg, l o~m n1\.\C'
oH .11 humanity tor bemg inhumc:tne
But mostly I'm p1s.,ed off about my pdrkmg ttckcts. Com
Sccurtty, what do you thinJ.. I .tm, rn.uJe of money( lr\ not
mdttf't of prtnc.pJI 1t's •I matter ol C.i'>h So wh1.1t if I n;~ru
•lleg..rl. Thon•au would h.lVc pMkcd illegt1l1 too. I only
tll~gal when I tirmlr bclteve tn it.
Ple.tw all yuu tat CiltS g1ve me a brc<Jk. I swt•.tr l'llta~e you
court. Th•s'll go all the w11y to thl• top
Don't get the 1dt•a I'm u rt>vN~nt . I 'II do .. nythlng, I'll "'"'"
your sho ·~ I 'II wash your car (your big dec.tdcnt Caddi
Thrnk about 11.
Next weelr.: I get pissed oil at Nucon agatn. April 1, lf7S
Just li~
'Pac~
-• II
Bit
''News or
The coni
of backpad
reared spc
theorres he1
of which ~
bakery cle~
K1m h
phenomen
have a "Te
ol'l our han
The "Tet
rnclude!o .1ll
encompass1
Saga entrar
tend as fa
doors II.
backpack~ 1
that premu
along with
pro!>pect1
• II
"The dar
tin' after
ma1ntenan
right rn m
It WdS 0
outset, b
walkway ft
lower cam1
The walk
Unles!> yo
Templeton
from Saga
n. It c,hou I
down the
bec.tu'>e e
Templeton
1ng Platt -H
to walk tot
Even 1n an
l.tn be se
grassy exp
green und
The gras
doomed
agamst da
pt!rrodtc.JII 1
workers B
halo dec•d
gra~s . The
between
Templeto
ttper,onnt;e
the vtb
will eltplo
140-lb pe
plus, or m
and depcn
(you c.m
M .u nIt!"' d n
w11l d1vcrt
the lawn
where 11
\"Vorke
dt fil':\t v
the}' m1gh
lrom tht•
their
pilot
building
removed. April l, 197$ 'lonurDos
Just like your appetite Saga"s new food plan
Packs vanish mysteriously Friendship through food • dining room
Bill Welton, Jr
"News on the Spur of the
Bone."
The con1inued di~appe.ar.1nce
of backpdtk\ from Templeton has
re.Jred speculauon on ~ever;al
theones her~ lately. the most vahd
ol which war, offered by former
bakery clean up boy Kim Jizner.
Kim hypotheHzes the
phenomenal po'>siblhty that we
have .1 "T~mple ton Quadrangle"
on our hands
The 'Templeton Quadrangle"
1ncludes all four corners and the
encompassed per~meter of the
Saga entrance foyer • .1nd may ex
tend as far west .~~ the double
doors. An .ncredtble 603
backpack'> have dtsappeared from
that prem1\es '" the pa\t month;
along wuh untolled amount'> of
pro'>pec tive students and
• fre~hmen h.tner 5.aY•· 'My theory
would elCplaln perfectly the dh·
appearance of all the1e Item~ "
Or Wayward J Orinkmore
associ•te prof~~or of Ph 0
preparatory stud1es, thmks Ktm
Jizner is right. In a letter addr~sed
to the Dean of Private Relauons ,
he stated: "Something must be
done,"
Watch Out
An attempt to draw connections
between the ''Templeton
Quadrangle" .md la~t year's dis
dppearance of Odell Manor ha\
been unsuccessful "The data is
stmply much too pescadorus,"
Ktm relates. HP wdr ns would be
VICtims of the voratlous vexat1on
not to leave their backpacks
.mywhere near Sage~
He refused to comment on
prospective students or fr~shmen . 'EAT
•
tn over manor Fwe fold in Midwest:
Doug Leary
Staff wnter
"The damn gras\ need\ replan~
tin' after every rami' cnes
maintenance worker Ed Suball.
right in my race.
II wa~ bdd plannmg from the
outSet, building the J\phah
\lialkwdy from Templeton to the
lower campus past Odell Manor.
The w;1lk is '" the wrong place.
Unle'>'> you're walkmg out of
Templeton from the Bookstore or
from SJga you probabl} don I use
1t. 11 \hould have been putlurth~r
down the hill toward the I r~c..">,
bcl.lU'>e everyuody who le.1ve~
T €'mpleton VI<) the s1de doors lac
tng Pldtt-Howard h.t\ .1 tendency
to walk to the Manor YIJ the 1,\wn.
Even in ankle-deep mud 'tudents
can be ~ecn trampmg .lCfO'>> the
gra!o!>Y elCpan\e da1ly, cru\hing the
green undcrfool.
The gra.,., there hJs alway., been
doomed to \truggle tn futility
agatnst daily m.t,hing. re)eeded
pcnodlcdlly by mamtenance
worke r~ But now that department
has dec1ded to light b.u:lo; for the
gr<m. They have mtned the .neJ
between Odell Manor <~nd
Templeton with Jrmy-'lturplu) an
uper~onncl bomb~.
The vtbr .uion·)~n'ltllive mine'>
wtll explode at the Jppro.tc:h of a
140-lb per)on withtn lour teet,
plu., or mmu-. lot uthcr Wl'lght-.
and dcp~ndtng on '>lyle ot walll.mg
(you C.Jrl tiptoe pd'>l them)
M,Hntcndnt.c hope'> dw mmeficld
will divt!rl 1 r .tlllc flov. .tway It om
the 1.\wn .md onto the walkw.Jy
where 11 belong,,
\1\ orkPr' out'> Ide Odell Manor
.Jt ftr\1 VOICt!d COO\tPI nallOO that
the., mtght he 1nruu!d b~ shrapnel
hom the dcvi<•:5, but dllowcd
thl.'ir mstdll.ttion on .t one-term
p1lot bam. •If dam<~gc tn the
butlding o~.:curs tlw mtncs w11l be
removed Meanwhile. maintenance has
begun work on a .\imilar projec.t
behind the .'v1anor house. t\ dis
creet distance from the
president's windows, a second
minetield will divert lawn
damaging loot trdffiC of uudents
who .short-cut between the library
and Templeton . New journalism blamed
II th~e corrective mca~ures
succe~d. re~eeding ope• ations
<.hould be ne<cssary onl"t once
ye.uly instead of rhe present
\poradic fourteen to ~~ghtc~.?n
tune,, Cosh cut thior, way will
prov '-. tund\ to PilY for the:!
mme Bobby Rowe
Top Dog
"It's a plague is what it i~. "one
Communication~ Board member
was quoted aH4l)'"8· "God but it's
awful. I've seen 11 happen on otner
campus~ . I thought alter the
WWII Marine Corp'> I v. as tough,
but this is enough to make you
wretch. Perc.eptu.tlness.' that's
the ti~t thtng )'il gotta watch out
tor. The gu) 'II \tart ~eeing things
all funn) and new.t thing ya knoy,
he'll be writing that w.ar.''
The dhease can be controlled in
these early stage-. 4.n annointed
professof' need only recite
pas)ag~ from a proofreader's
style-book while malin~ the sign
ot the six W's on the vicum\ c.hest
and ~prinklmg printer'" ink on his
forehead.
• • Proactive p~nence •
Dean~s office panders to sick minds
A HP•<i R•sident : "Well. the
Bobby
Dog Top
Rowe
A Dean: "Prodctivltyl Sure, I
t.tn tell you Jbout proactivlty .
Th.u\ '"h~re you anticip<Ue
evt:'l'} thtng 1n ad' a nee and g~t a
)inglc room. It's not :~II a bed ot
10 es-you ~hould really )E'C the
IO\C$ belore you leave-you've
goua have iron-clad conuol ot the
V\holc floor. Ne\iet let the linle \O
and-os get .1n inch out of hne. but
you can't say anythmg trongcr
thOin 'How do )'OU fc..-el about thatl','Ha\le you con:~tOt::t t::\l rne
i"'olic-ar1ons ot 'our action.. tor
others llvtng on your flOOr( , or
'Yea, nght-on. go for it,l C'an relate
with where )ou'r~ commg trom.'"
An Administrator ; "Yes in
deed. I've heard about that
touch)-teel) crap. It won't Ia t
long. Preuy soon they'll all get
em:aciated and come do"n v.ith
drops) or somethtng Then we
.shtp 'em out pronto and hall in a
truddoad of sad1~t1c grand
mother~ \\ e'll dean out that rat's
ne t, pt..-er group S}'Stem \\its gen1ng
prcU)' .. tale, so "e hired a b1g
Madison Av~nu~ PR ftrm, They
did a markeung r,tudy anti hln
some ter,t~ with rat~ and Stuff I
gues~ the little fellas re;tlly liked
the 'ound of that word "Pro-act
i\ie." \\hat's 11 meanf I dunnc..
That' the problem, so llext ear
"c' egot a whole newglmmu:li:
" nte thi~ one doY. n, 1t' a crack
up-' Intentional Communu .'
That' where lots of people who
are just ;tlile li e together .tnd get
bored. Real qu1ck." ... ... -J.
.;;.)
~ • ,...,. •
Bobby Dog
Top Rowe
le\\ as and Clark College has
completed an agreement for the
purcha)e of the adjoining ron
vent, mcluding all propert) and
three !.mall nuns. A Dog reporter
a\ked The P~1dent what the
College'1 plans for the ne\\. ac
quisuon might be
"For too long no" a situation
has e\lsted here at lew1s and
Clark College Portland Oregon.
97219, \\here all donat1ons are tu
deductable , which I quite candld·
lr and ommscientl\', lind shock
mg. M) secret an has mlormed me
that male and female studenh
ha"e been tound shanng the\clme
campus. I I sJmph can t tolerate
this actton m what 1s supposed to
be m) rather 410 educational in
Stitution. c1entificstudr~. and m>· n , (\_ . ~-e'-perience a' a boy growing up tn
the rornOeld~ of lnd1anna, seem
deos•vel) to confirm the belief
that c.oeducational educatiOn m.:~y
or may not be damngmg to the
growth of young men and
women ThJt mtstcr smdrty-pant~
Dog reponer, I) am~ I refuse to let
the studenu takel
"Our 8usine s Manager ha~
stphoned off S200 to finance the
convers1on of the convent into
dormatory and cla)sroom faci1Jtie5
for all women )tudent~ , and three
small nuns. At tht\ moment, the
num are as~rsting m) w1fe, in
CO'-'cring all frescoes, tapestries ,
and other distractmg worh of art,
wuh a thid: coat of yellow pa1nt.
Student!> are e~pected to occup)
the ne" facilities by thi\ evening at
6 00. We've made th1s schedule
loose on purpose ~o as to allo"
any complaints that may ex 1st to be
elCpre.ssed Any and all appeals,
• l"lonHtOoa
~ince this 1s a <,tudcnt matter 1n no
-• • • ....
.... , ... • • • • ... • • -
• •
•
• •• • • • • • • • • • •
• •
• •
··~ ,, .wr ... 1 • a • . . ' . . .. .. . ' ,,. . ... • •• ' , . . .... . .
• • • • • . • • • • , .... ·. • • • • •
\ ' ...... ' . . ... .. ,
• • • • • • • • • • •
. ...... • • ...... . ... . . : ,... .
•' I• • • • •
as? •• • •• ..
• • •
• • • • • • .. • ·-· , . · .. • • ••
• ' • • • • • • • ... . '\ . •• • • • • • •• '., J:'
~ ·· .. )
...
• ~ • • • •
'
• • • ... • • , one \ • • • • • • • • • • ....... • • •• -· . ..
• • ,
• :
~'Good time had by air \.
• • ..... • • • -· ·o -.. • • • • • • . '· ' • • • • • ,
The cast and ere" of that zany
mus1cal "Khmer Kapades'' cer
tamly deserve heam applause.
from beginning to end the wacky
escapades of the madcap ere\\ of
the Ma) aguez kept an apprecia
ti\le audience well-entertatned -bad.ground of Amet~ca" • • us • •
The singmg and dandng de
sel'\ e congratulatioru, especially
on the part of the capt<~in plaved
b~ talented junior Jerry Otto We
tapped our feet and hummed
along to all of the songs, but most
of all to the tunes that he s.1ng 10
h1s fme manly baritone. The Cam
bodian captam, Whang Mar Dong,
was played by R C Chofla
The pia~ is of course ~ on
41 sue,poqwe) a41 .<q P'tJnJde.J
·~ d!4S e. tP!lfM U! .bewo1d!p
::>IJawv JO 1uappu! IUa)aJ li!Ul presence reaffirmed makes a fine
background for a rousrng tune
filled corned>·· Fir Acres Therater
deserves congratulations for stag
ing this play smoothly and with
apparent!~ no mistakes. Well
done!
The cast all performed ad
mirabl)· and sang sweetly Spec1al
ment1on r-hould go to the enure
cast and crew wh1ch conststs of
Ann Drogel"'lce. Dan Hube, Hal
Fast Meg Cotz, S1d Emontry. le1gh
Bia, and Rudy 8egga. (last but not
least Rudy!)
Tim product1on adds to rhe un
broken string of ~uccesses that fJt
Acres may Ia~ cla1m to We didn't
qUJte know how they would top
that cute production of King lear,
but they did • • • • • • • -• •
I • • •
/ I
• •
• • • • • •
' -• • •
• • • • .....
• • • • ' ...... ,
• • ... . ' • • •
Canvou ......... ., • ., ••• IIOW'. . .. • \ : --· ·" \ • • • • • • • • ;.: .. • •• • • • • • I -• • --....·· ' • • • • • ' • -·· ... • •• • • • • • •
ry~
• "'\ • '··· • •• • • • • l ;
~ . \•' .. -.. • • • • • • • ··"'~' : •, . ~· ·• . ... . • .,J .. e t: II .. • ,;. • • •• • J • .. • • • • J,.• ••
-.. • • • • • • • ••• . . .. . . . ~ ... -.. . -. .. -. ... ·. . . .. . .. ' • 1 : • I . . '.. . . . ' ' ....... .....,., . . --: -:-..:-···-. I • • • ,. _. . . . . ....... . • • • • • • • • • • • • • ., . .... __ ...
Platter C atter: A bitchin' record
Album Preview:
leek• Bob Average
alias
Rick Copper
Staff lnfect1on
The Sons ol Bernard- My Woof
Another really nice disc trom the SOB. Som~ fine
insttumental and vocal work-the Sons would be
nothmg without 11.
On stde one, there are twelve curs, mduding sa
from rhe Sons' latest album. At least another e1ght
have bt..coen geuing some AMI PM air play. My favonte
rraol on s1de on as an American Pte kind of rune wuh
oome r~lly sens11Jve l)•ric.s:
Indeed no seed could 1mpede or recede the
stampede freed b) rhe need for weed ITa~ e
heed of rhe bead breedl£cc.
h made me rhmk. whtch is more than I can say that
Fran'dy, my dear. we don't give a demnl Jackson Browne and Bob D)lan have done. The lync~.
mcidentally were scored bv the group's blind Il
literate Stevie Whitmore Whitmore al~o play!. bra1lle
piano and acoustiC phonograph . He has been de-.crlb
ed as havmg an e"<lraordinary feel for mus1c
On ~•de two, there are al!.o thrrteen cut!>, mcludmg
hve from the Son~ · previously erased '>tud1o com
positc. Just so you w1ll know when you buy tht: album.
these (he uac.ks have been devt!rly substituted tor the
~~mpty space you hear between the oth~r tunes. The
d1rterence is diif1cuh to detect, but a~ you will hear,
you really get your money's worth.
My favorite tune on side three i~ a rocker entnled,
"Stauway to Heaven" Wr 1t1en and composed b\-SOB
quadraplegic Midy Dolenz, "Stairway" resembles
somewhat a recent AM htl by an Engl1sh high school
dance band But the tune ·~ an original, 1he Sons
assure me. and a wrmen guarantee can be
sangumo~raa~d upon reque)t. Apnl 1,
Dear Mom, Jim IC. 11 .. 101., ~ ........ etwf •
I'm .\O fed up Wtth all this jive Ev~rybody 's down on
my case Nobody'// give me no fidel<
Ails I want 15 a fatr shake in ltfe Ails I wane iJ to be
deale an honest hand
I a~ked Reuben about all th1s and he told me to kiH
off .
That last leuer you wrote was really borrng I honest
to god don't c.ue about Aunr Pearls goiter Don't
even bother writing if you don t h.;we nothing to say
I'm sorry if I .sound rude but I never could tolerate
you and the old man Don't take 11 personal
Reuben blood1ed up our RA good yesterday and I
got m a few kiclo my~e/1 He kept screammg at us to
stop but I told him that /thought it was very healthy for
u~ to arr our dillerences openly That guy 1.\ .., real
moron but what do you expect from someone who
belongs co a fraterntty
I have th1s one professor that I) so stup1d rt's
embarrassing He leans up agam.st the blackboard and
gets chalk mark ~ all over him, and he drool~ down his
chin ~ometime.s It drtves me crazy. How can anyone
be .so ~tupid He ought to be >hot
I've been smokmg a lot of pot lately lr makes me
feel real mellow I'm gonna turn you and dad on to It
this summer.
Last nrght me and Reuben torched up )Ome pot and
watched TV all night long Me and Reuben kept
making these real funny remarks about the mowe Pot
really makes you 5ay .some really funny things Once
we really laughed hard When I get home th1s summer
I'm gonna .smoke pot every mght and ~ay funny thmgs
about the TV shows so you and Dad can )ee how Iunny
it really makes you
Thi\ college educat1on r~ ~o worthless It s bourgeois
mtddle clJ5). I'm gonna qwt and do \Omething
worthwhile like go to Sun V.JI/ey and ~kt for three
yean. I know the old man II h1t the cellmg If I tell h1m
that but. but who needs h1m
I haven't done any studying all year long Alii dots
smoke pot. eat and sleep Somet1me' I !>leep m bed,
)ometrme~ I sleep tn class. U!>ually I 1/eep with Ros1e
who I have thi~ real me<mmgful rela<ionshtp wrth Sex
t) JUSt like the cement that holds our relationship
together RoS/t! really helps me kec>p my sanrty in thH
damn counrry club Wtthout Rosre I'd be 10 horny.
Those t.Oolae) you sent Wt.'rC:: stale. BeucJt~, you
kno" goddamn well I can't scand oatmeJI cookiCl.
}ou Jre w )lupid \Omerrme, , Ct•t 11 together would
you
I thmk I'm rc•ally discovcflng mv identity latelv. I
have been di)covermg that I am a real be.Jullful
fll'f$on I disco .. en·d this while I WJS tnpping. You
kno\\ I think Ken Kest•y would re<JIIy thmk I am far
out.
I had J real great time liut weekend . I chugged a
filth of wr/d turkey and snorted ~ome coke and then
we .>Jt around and played hearr, Jll night,
I h<Jw been readmg .wme philwophy lately to try to
gPI my head together I've been g(!lltng mro Edstern
Philo\uph) very h{•Jvy b£•cau'>t' 1t is w be.wtllul Jnd
trut· I c.Jn really 1dentdy w1th BJboJ RJm D.m
PleJw tell th(• old man to qutl giVIng me thl) \Ob
'tory Jbout monev Monc>y JUU doe\11 't mt!•m
JIIVthlng. Ht• ge-h \O worlct•d up over .J mt•J)Iy ftlty
bud) rt ~ patht>t1c I ell h1m rrotto bother trylngtu piJy
011 my d<Jmn he.trbtrtng!> becau1e 11 won t work on
m£'. For once I'd lih to gm my check w•thout goms
through .111 th11 hCJ\>Ie.
I Sc n()w 11 '.Hkmg an o~wtullot ol you but would'vou
kmdly R••t on the IJJ/1 wuh that H·vcJter you'n• trying
ro kmt me
Love,
/eroml· .. .......... .
' : The F1 ' ' ' ' • ' ' ' • ' • • I • • • f
I • I • • I
f • • f • • • • • •
• • • f
I • I
f • • f • ' • f • • • ' ' DiscotJ
DAY t
J
I
·~
J
(
••••••••••••• 'II 1,
i-----.................................................................... ,
• • : The Ftrst Church of the Gooey Death And :
St
't
I
:>
r
I
)
f
I
•
• i D1scount House of Worshtp invttes you TO-:
: DAY toCASH IN ON YOUR FAITH: : ' . ' . ' . • • ' . ' . ' . ' . I ~' a
I , - e . *;.. . : ~ .... :
I 0
I I ' . I I
I 0 • • • • I • I ' . I I : ·~ ~ : ' . .. . I o
I I
I I
I I
I I
I 0
I 0 • • I 0 • • ' . • • ' . • • I o • • • •
•
For ONE WEEK ONLY you
can make a
SS 00 Blessmg Pledge
lor only
$3 98
And receive credit with HIM for
1he full Five Dollars.
Pleue Sond ell Choclta to.
Tho Rt!Jhl Rt'vtrcnd Bill\' Sol Har1111 do l"ht
f ''" Church ol lht CO()t>\f Dt-Aih o~nd 01~-• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • I : • • • • • I • • • • • • • • ; • • • • • • ································································'
• ICa
• Ktrk Kooley
Staff Writer
Last April. Playboy, Penahouse ,
and several other magazines of
like kind were removed from the
bookstore The s1ore's manager
had only this to say, "In makmg
the decis•on I was compelled to
" Oh forget that What i really
want to write about ts ME. That's
rtght rm dbout twenty times more
intereJting th~n any of these hiff
aHed things they've given me to
write about BlaaaaaaaHHHHHHI
I ~~~ tried to let myself shme
through, that why I write long
twuted sentenceJ and never make
any sens~ so you have to pay
auentton to me Mter all. would
anybody wrtte for this 'paper if
thetr ego wasn't so great they d
stop at nothmg for attent1on
AHAAA.AA/111 Now they need me
more than I need them and I'll
stop at nothing Me, Me, Mel I'll
senallze myself Wnce here,
every week I can see it now. And
juft watt. you'll be able to see 1t too
• ' • •
.. ... s
r-------------· I I
I I
I I
: e ut :
I I
I I I A wi.,e ch~nge of state I
I ~nuggle into golden Califomia, clean 1
sheets and smiles 1 uncover s.pring secreu-fresh I
I rhey lo<k limbs, finger1 1
probing golden linen I from beneath we circle, weave I
I peeling back heavy, gasping, breathing I
boughs of youth I I learning adults 10 childhood 1 m.-.aure (chureJ I
I Expressing ro p.ms of a whole 1
to wh•ch they are half 1 the flawless debute I
I findlly resting on beds. s1ghs I
of realilaaion I I Dreams conceived and touched I last real I
I lovmg you, I
I Ji,; Stock I 1 guest poet I
L------------.!
revea s ...
• • • • • ••• • • •
•• •
• • •
• • • • • • • • • •
•
• I
• •
• • • " • •
• •
• • •• • • •• • • • • • • •
• • •
• • - • • • .. " . .. .... -. . . • • •
• •
• •
• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • •• • • . .. , .. • • • -... -•
-,._..
In t e event
emergency you will e
your page to a
Top Bastard
ghost written by.
Robert Average • • ll
fre~hmen enrolling m le~ ,~and Clark College nexr year will have a new appl1cation procedure . The Log rerrerarcd c1 copy of
the ne~ torm (rom lC RECRUIT CI\PT ~IN Beckmurh Helow1e< .
'l..tme (please srare tuft n4ime) )Orry, in1tiah only; ___ _
Se\. }e No __
Pn!HOU~ JOt». Floor Mopper·-- Egg Be4iter Pro Bo>.er·-
Do you ha"''e an)' broken bon~/ {II not how· manyl) 6_ 9·-
Plea~e list answer~ below
7. Mathematics
a. 71 2 _-..3'/16/
b 99 + 99 1601,_ lntellegance Quiz
c. Ho~ moJO\' brooms11ch do you rub on your face?
d. Nouc-e: it applu.am is over 18 3/.J years old, omit ques11ons 1,2 and 3
Ho"" good are your eyeball)/ Fair bcellenr __
1. Personal Information
1. Do you wear a beltr 'fe)_ No -
2. Ho"" long ha\'e 'OU been wor/..mg at your present occupa(lon, which is te..,ting bulldozer~ and other equipment? ~3
years_ c)l years_
1. How long have you been working otl 'OUt present occupation.
which is restmg bulldozer, 4ind orher equipment( 43 year) 61 yea"-
3. What 15 your favorite beer?
Prnk Ch.Jbll~- Thunderbrrd_ Chevy_
5 How long do you .)neeze rn Acapulco?
_.JS4.J9 S6 43 I prefer to answer larer.
Bonus: ~ychology r~.sr .
1 Whar color is margarmei
Bl.ick_ Turquoise Other (do not check)
2. What is rhe heat captlCity of swinging ladden/
Yes_ Ye>.-
J. Name che lirsr three capitah of 4 states in European towns;
Landmark_ Toothach•t:..:! _
4. What is the bloodlevel of your green rhumb pencil shaverf
Don'r know_ un't tell_
Never found 11; nope, forget •t-
•collee cup~ were used for currency among
British soldien: True_ False,_
Oprial lllusron:
It looks like one line is longer, but it isn't.
_ _,,etc one is shoner _They are the same
_There is no difference
Aruwers to the.se que.s11ons w1ll be found on the back of chis page
Free Room and Board!
Due to the shorr supply of hou~mg lactlitles, we do ask that you bring your mflacable raft (sorry, no water veh1cles allowed on
c.Jmpus).
Desired food: (If any) ChP.ck 2 only
Sliced Carrots Baked Plast1c Dominoes __
Due to the short supply of food, we do ask you to bnng enough lunches lor a one week wpply (Breakldst and dmner served )
Sorry, no meals.
End of test •. congratulations l
,._ ~-'" -_________ ___ one a real
turn
•
• April I, 1!7j
OSPIRC I
"Qwetly ar
go our of 1
1975.
"There a
-everythtr
way we lik
OSPIRC sta
Directors )
15Sued for
tounsc seas
"we·re s
anybody,"
"After re1
Oregon 1s 1f
by che Ne~
and che 0
dec1ded th
boat." spo~
mspired ~
group said
Oregon St
cent·
Formers
spend a f
de.sk.s, and
Elephant a
off and app
Departmen
the U 5 Fa
Woolach
Centers.
CASUA o\prtl 1, ,.,~
IN THE AR
•
Travel to distant lands . , meet excttmg and exottc
people, and kill themJ
your Army
Recruiter
T ay
An exercise in perceptual reporting 0 gaw_
anot er
to write
A1ck Cooper
a has
Bob Average
The new basketball coufls have
been mstallcd and t~re ready for
• dction. The news came by phone
yesterday lrom .1n elar~d Souch
Vietnamese cab dnver. • The man WiU 11 toundry wor~er
for eeghreen year~. making
shoelaces and earplugs for che
p;m quarter of a century, Hes w1te
drove a red CJnd where Volkswagen
with o rachomecer ; her mother
never did underst.md why the ram
caml' down in buckets. Bur the dry
sec~ on was over. It we~~ time lor a
new cow pasture ,.._ .. 7
•
door to s.Jy goodbye. The ne•c
door n~1ghbor 's dog wa
scratchmg hts back on a leg tha
musr have belonged 10 his es
tranged maMer, )lm. I thought fo
a mtnute, how odd it was that
should alwavs happen ro live nex
door to Jim ne1ghbors . The olo
man conrmued to pour h1s melk
into a plastic notebook .
G
ETT Is E etmore Yes. hfe WdS hard tn those
day\ ... two miles through the fr~.eSh
snow to d JOb that paid only six
doll.m a week. We m1ght have
done beuer by gomg to work. But
rh~ chtdem never compl.tined
when they saw the hatchet com·
ing: now IS neither th~ time lor When ar last thP. n~w
refngerator hc1d am"'ed, she
scurrred through the parkmg lot
.md nearly dropped her armload
of Chrhtmas presents. There he
was, six loot two, eytS ol worthless
brown, wagging his tongue at
some indecenrly underexposed
c:amerd nut. It w~s then th,u we
knew an endtng was ne.~r It could
be told only through rhe ears of
rho\e who saw our horrible dilem
ma. Unless, of course, a blue sky
appeared darn soon. We Y.~ited.
OSPIRC.. 10dt1y announced that
·Quietly and wi1hout fanfare" to
go out of exisrance on June 13,
1975.
"There are no more problems
-everythmg m Oregon I'>JUSI the
way we like 11," memben of the
OSPIRG srdff and stale Bo,ud ol
Direclon .. aid m a JOtnl statemenr
1)\ued for 1he begmmng of 1he
1oumt .season
"We're )Orry If we've offended
anybody," che llatement sa1d
"After reading how wonderful
Oregon 1s m the an1cles published
by the New Yorker. Newsweek,
~nd the Oregoman . OSPIRG ha.s
dec1ded ch.ll it shouldn ·r rock che
boat." spokelmen lor the Nadar
rnsplfed hype-environmentalist
group ~a1d "We're behmd the
Oregon Stody one hundred per-
cent "
Former scalf memben plan to
}pend a few days cleanmg our
de5ks. and paying lab'> at the
Elephant and Ca.stle and then go
otf and apply lor job~ at che State
Department of TramportdiiOn,
the US Forest Serv1ce and w1th
Woolach Bros Tire and Auto
Cent en
A\L
w
CASUAL, TRADITIO NA
NO CONTEMPORARY
HAIR DESIGN FOR
MEN AND VVQMAN
DO\NNTO\NN
PORTLAND
227·5534 secretly marrie
"I am not mamed, secretly or otherwise ."
.[\ Edd Whetmore redlly telling the truth? Or is he
.some ~ort of bdmbooLiing buffoon/ We sent ace Log
reporter CorneiHou\ Schely to lind out.
''Now, Edd" Mr Scllely began the tere-d•tete w1th
the mlamous Log adv1sor. "let's put our cards on the
table f'm a m,m. you re a man,let's face 11, there .ue
dlot of men m tha crazy world. And as men. we share a
bond th<H even fire can't break. You know 11 takes one
to know one n'e~tace pa)( And fr,:ml<ly, I tor one, Mr.
Whetmore thml< you are full of balonev. Now what')
a/1 th1~ Ill ear about you nor being secretly mamed/"
"/am not secretly m~med'' Mr. Whecmorerephed
It w.n obv1ous he wa) lytng.
"Surely Edd,you are <~ware that practically
everyone gets married. Mr. ~nd Mrs Nixon are
mamed Mr. and MrJ.. Howard are married I'm
wil/mg to put mone)' on the notion that even your
parentJ. were mamed Now let's be grown up about
this You can't turn your /c1ce to the lc~cts of life. Que
sera, sera. Enough of )'Our be.Jtmg around the bush,
Mr. Whetmore Ll't'} IJy 11 on the line So why do you
keep saymg you re not )ecretly mamedl"
''I'm noc secrer/v mamed'', Mr. Whetmore lied • a gam.
"Really, Mr Whetmore, you c-Jn bet vour pml<
glfalfe that Cornei/ou\ 5chc•ly" not going co blab th,.,
to che re'>t of the world \Ill want to know 1s whv you
refu~c to tell th<: re\1 ot th~ world that you, l1ke other
-\mt>ftcam • .tr<: .H:•cretly married.''
I am not mdmed", TilE LIAR SAID_
··1 CJfl iee ~" e · re gewns no\., here. All fight. Mr.
Whetmott!, Mr. Edd Whet more, we'll plar your liule
game. Now how m.mv pt•ople ne<Jring their mtddle -
aJled vean are not mamed( \\'t•ll. I'll tell vou, d<un
few, and that'\ J fact. People 'mce the begmmng.>f
hhtory gave !{Otlt~n mcJrried, '"k. Dr. Kittel 1\nd
pc.>ople in Zambta, Po~ki,tJn, Uragu.J>'· m all \Orh of
cultures get m.uflcd too Dr Drew could tell you that.
Zillions ~I pt•uple have goltt>n mame.•d .mcJ they didn't
go around \Jying rh~v d1cln ·r s.,. 1\tr. \.\ h~tmore. are
you going to tell me the truth or .1m /going ro have to
wring 11 out of your
"I dm not m .. micd". tl1e ttlthv l1<1f \:Jid.
"O.K. Mr. fanq P.mh, llot -~hit \VJwtmore. what
maJ..~, you thmk vnu're \O weo~l? /U)f bt•C. I~'e ~ou ~e.•t
)Omt? IO~\ /y lc( IUIIH p0\1(1011 oil thi' t~lllt' 10\lltUIIO~,
vou rhmk yuu <"Jn rut~ thl' world. don., you I Don t
youl \\ C'/1, vou <:,w't, ,\lr Stvlt>t llo~u-cut And let ~e
1~11 vou .mu th~:r thing. Mr huh)' tot') J.,h-dt'-d, ,h Pl#f•
.)ou'r~ notlung but ., guml-tor-nothmg 'cag, rhat >
VI-hilt vuu Jre. L \iervullf• tiJink' ,n, The Ed1tor tioe.l. the•
1\fallilging Editor clot~'• the ~' hc.Jif• ''.ttl Jne), and all of
the protc>)O" do I'll bt•t e\ c•n Prt•udNit I 10\\ RD
I lA TlS ~OUR CUT,Ci_ I'll 8'"" you one more chJncc
before 1 blo .... my sta< k Wh)• c:m't you ddm11 you're
)t'< rNiv married?''
"I <HIJ not :.\CI"fetly m,:u,ecl" ~a1d rhc 'llmey, tup1d,
t.hec•,r, t wo-b1t. )nolly lucie pcfll~ffecl gwrll'a "u:~rdo. •
-such ~ o~hoolawe ~ dnazawtl.
Green Suspenders
There 11 w;as, ught m the m1ddle
of a dirt parh near her home: a
book entlllf•d Adm,al of the
Oce.m S£>.1 She opened 11 up .lnd
started eattng When the soles ol
her leer had worn beyond
recognition, she p1cked up the left
end of her brother's handkerchief
and drove on. The sun set lace that
do~y c~nd ic wasn't long until he
came upon a magnificent cuy
My uncle's hand shook hard
and long I smiled and shook mme
tor a wh1fe In return. It was rhen
char I knew what her late would
be. I cor~ acrou the room and
stopped, jusr before opening the Sure enough, he was having
''Hamburger Helper'' lor dmner.
His borrowed brush pamted
skillfully across the desk lamp
One more time. she seghed, and
that was it. I had been levmg th1s
way too long.
"I've got ro get our!'' I
whispered, time and ttme agam .
But no one was there to carry me.
The story would ha-..e ro end soon.
I knew ir would ~nvway ••. l held the
26 keys.
And sometime soon, teams w1ll
be tormed to compete in in
tramural basketweavrng. lewis
and Oark College cannot alford a
net.
--Packs have been mys1eriously vanishing from the
Templeton Quadrangl e. See story, Page 3 (hell, I think 11's page3).
··············································~ !ATTENTION STUDENTSf . . i i Students wishing to inJure themselves or • ! their dependents for summer coverage !
: under the STUDENT MEDICAL PLAN. :
: which covers you automatically while ! ! you're attending school. should apply i
: before June 30. 1975. Applications : ! will be distributed through campus mail :
: and will also be available at the Studen; : • • : Health Serv1ce. : • • • • • ~ ••.••••••••••••••••..•......•......•••••••••••• Reporter
by Tom V •n Oomelen
"Tom ktd, we're doing a 4-page
parody issue and we'd really lih
you to blast someone or
somethmg .''
.. J'm sorrv. Mr Editor but I don't
Wftte sroriCj M;e !hat anymore."
"\\hat I You mean we'll have no
more potson pen letters. no more
irate coaches and athelctcsl"
"That's r~ghr l'vt' cleaned up my
Clct So far I've alienated the
vrc)r/ers, b.Jsebatlers, /. V bJskct
bJIICt5, a lt•nntJ. player and )andy
Shatp I thmk JU t1me I rook J bar
of D1alto ffi)' Pitp••rmare."
"But Tom what about those
loyal fan) of yours? \\'hat wtllrhe)
!>a) l"
"\\'dl, I lJU<'J) Mom and D.1d
Wll/ JU$1 hllVI' to rent>W thl'lf ~UO·
scnptlon to NiJliOnal Lampoon."
''Now let's b'.! reasonable, Tom
boy. II'' rhc •'nd ol thf! yt!ar. Who
can you hun. I hey won't ha"'"'
trme to cancel your ffnan'-'131 ard
All Wl' need •~ one mor•· utll tale "
"L•st••n Satan, don't '"fflPI me
With no }wcy applt> My butfoomg
diiys <~rc over ,._nd kncx:S. ott rhat
Tom-boy !.tuff, John-bob "
'10kay, v.e won't a~k you for a -
(
( •
I
IJ
. ?~ prostttutev ta ent
rtMI fryer. Ju~t d little taste A
tea!>er Liked little cnauvanlst-~ tyle
reporting of a women's softball
game, or a gossipy rumor about
one of the coach('\ Nothing btg
and dangerou~ Rt!mPmberyou 're
not only JCapotdlllng our lporh
)ecuon, but you'rt· abo killing our
"l~tter s to the f<~s(rst Editor':."
column."
''llitr. Editor, If I told you once.
/\c told you rhric~. I've changed
from naughty and nasty to nt~c .
Whar I'd M.e ro do rs a good
c..>duc.-.ttonal piece on tlie lu tory
of Lt::Wil <Jnd Clark's athletrc:
program5 rllrough tlw ycJrs. Or
bt>ttcr yet a brogr:aphy of Coach
ftx's C<lrcer. I gueu If would b~
about the .same .srory"
"1om, Tom,lom. Wht•redidwe
tOJill "C gtvc j'OU freedom. W~
g•vc you supporr. We giv~: you thl!
brc•ak )'OU nt•eded, and whdt do
you !§lVI'! usl A roydl Sldb tn tht•
I..CJck. That\ grahtude you two-bit .. ...
''S k '1 " lit .s a11u 5tones ...
"Shut up, ~.;rct!p, NoY> whdt do
you really want? Money( An
editor's po~tl Stocksl Rond~(' '
"All I des" • 1.s the sattsfac:tion
rhar rny ltter.uy eltoru are bPing
duly appreCiated by rhc maJority
of our srudenr body "
"Iandy Sharp tncludedl " '}andy Sharp e~pec,ally "
"And Coach Herge,rt and Dave
Chambers and the wre,tlerr,l"
"Of course"
"VD, tnl\ is like All actmg
modest. I JUSt can't believe u·~ you.
You're not the ~ame ol ~adi~ttc
manipulator of spotty sports
chatter I used to know and love."
'T1me) and p~uple chc~ngP- ,
pervl!rt
"Weill gues~ there's nothtng to
do but get someone el\e to"' rill'<~
story. Ot course it won't be the
same, but ... hcck, ther(.•'s nothtng
"'e can say to change your m10d?"
"N(Ithrng. You't•• talkmg ro cJ
man of rmni:iple A man of rdea/s,
a man Wlt/J a con:.cicno·. A tru~
JOUtna/ht WI(IJ UllC/Ut•:JiiOill'd
I •• }Crup t·~
Oka>, Tom. !Jut you re<~lile thl\
lOili!' me 10 10\·\l'r vour gr ,,dt•
from an "A" to a "C".
"I don't c.1 ... Wit at?"
"You heard mt•. So wh<Jt ht~vc
yuu got 10 say."
"W,•II Mr Editor. I heard,, lmle
in~1dc tip on .l /C b,u/wtba/1
translt•r.l could ti!ally IJiow tt up lo
"'k " m. e ..
"I knew you'd Set• 11 our W3)'·
lt~.e tht.: saYtng goes, "You c.1n'r
teach an old dog new trtcks,"
"Wool/ Wuult" T rl•le Cam bot
"The mmute he walked In the
door .. " I wa~ sunk. My heart
plunged.
Tall. tan and with the reach o(
Abdul Jabbar, "He" stretched into
my life in th~ same way all his
predece1osor~ had.
All I had to do was see THEM
hangtng around Pamplin-the
tenn1s courts, werght room, ping
pong tables. anythrng to do with
spom JOCKSI
To~ pornted, his well-turned
~rlhouette potsed in mid-arr, "He"
f~rst attracted my auentron rn the
May Fete fri~bee contest on lower
campus
"He" earned away the trophy
with all the humility and grace of
j1mmy Connors
loyalty to my profeH1on
demanded that I track th1s
character, recording hr~ chronicle
for po~tenty A scoop my cunousi
ty couldn't restst maligning .
Even from my dtstant vantage
pomt on the veranda of the
M.1nor, I could make out the
dexterous fmgers. Ah, many year~
of mtense wrapping of digilals
.1round the plastic platel
"He" mu~t have magnetized
11p~ No toss was too high, too low,
too w1de Once within hrs reach,
"He" engulfed the platter like a
Venus Fly Trap. A smtrk broke out
over his ruggedly carved feature~
Hrs t\irk Douglas chin Jutted as he
wetched to pull in strll another
My head became light.
"He" had been at It many
years ... ever since the disk-craze
hit back In the 60's.
A natural wrist-flick led him to
his first thle: McNamara Junior
High. Regionals , state tourneys
followed. "His" fame, statue and
tan geometrically increased .
Practice became heavy The
Frisbee King dtsowned h1s
girlfriend , SAGA card, even clc~~se\ Eye of the ultimate,
World C..olden Frh.bce
lion.
leaping ilod bounding in
of Stewart touch honed
perfection , "He" titillated
Insatiable! crowd~.
Nuryeyev would nave
green w1th envy
I longtngly gazed
SAGA .• procrastinatrng befort
Inevitable confrontation ..
over-commi tted myself
volunteering for this assis••
War. tnrs too much for a small
college ragl Where was
Illustrated l
"Hi.," wnue net
rcvedled almo<:.t too
Arching to ~oaten the plast1c
expamive chest would
tmmea~urable dimen~
Clamp All ''His." A g~st ot
eKaped through hrs he.art··Sh•.
mouth Frequently,
Kam1kaze dive~ would
"Him" fearlessly to the g
Rollrng ~evcral times, "He"
immediately spring to ''His"
Heart of oak
My day of reckoning frnally
rived we found ourselves 111
pre~ident's foyer, waiting to
cus., our respective "aca
delinquenc1er. "
My chance, I had to grab II'
Started wath a simple orwo,..
"now are yal"
"His" delicious lips p· nt:o_
tensely ~earchmg for the
propric1te words
My spine ttngled. Awai11n1
profundity . surely the first II'
mrng What c1 natural s•
the rnterviewll I
"He" struggled ... nothlng
nervously fingered his
( rlsbee-theraputlc uses, I
ed, then: the vacuous stare
chilled the most hopeless
e 0 0 f t f t t 0 t 0 tt f I o t f 0 t 0 Oft t 0 If t t Of f Of • tO
. .. ·········· ...................... ..... .,
he put my heart in the
freeze
••• •••• ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• spirit
Your a~sum
the use of
the 1
your act ton
m clear viol
sf.'clion 111 ol
1 rvH(et havrn
unpau youl
k College''
\ou haw• beE
year rn n
:Ml',,ll n from }
unable to
~p.1cr m your hJ
WJOfJIIng vdrio
·~reJH pOIICIC\,
" .. On behalf
IIIII
Charges:
On Februc~ry i
R where Cl
On ,\otarch 3,
.. m,,n<ttion as ,
red after
ng offtCial!>
ond RD rei
Hawley a11
IW'ftn~n .. •n dat10j
n The seco
ch 17. Suppc
the letter <
act" wn1C~
JDoon, and e~
regulat1om
nning the I
s Sakas:
11.11un before d
ll Aryn Me1
zfeld and d
t~d a keg
~t1ng The iq
2) Kegger •n "-!
.~.-.. r-. .. t, c~nd dol
rn around ar
~ the t~
resoon•.ibtle rn ~
unw1ritten rule t
A. 1\.eggcr 10
~ryn , Aryn a
B.Keg(<cr rn J
secunty, VIa
(only a few wl
prov1ded foo
.snd Hoffma~
l.lt WI)~ .l p
later. althou1
authority tu <
basement lro
come to hm
(}aka .. .tddcd
ty for deci\IO
2 Juniper
l.:aw ... but no
Many college athelete rely on feet. left foot (right). Right foot (left) Beer and pt
l~allPened (per I
l•w.)