Lewis & Clark College

The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College’s Student-Run Newspaper

Volume 80, Issue 1

Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper

Pioneer Log Staff

2013-02-08

pdf

Newspaper

For questions about rights statements, or access to the original document please contact Lewis & Clark College Special Collections and Archives http://specialcollections.lclark.edu
http://rightsstatements.org/vocab/InC/1.0/

Lewis & Clark College: Pioneer Log / Mossy Log

2 THE PIONEER LOG
NEWS
Ice cream guru visits, imparts
entrepreneurial wisdom
BY JOEY CARMICHAEL
STAFF WRITER
Jerry Greenfield, co-founder
of Ben & Jerry's, visited campus
on Wednesday, Feb. 6, to give a
lecture on his "radical business
philosophy." In a phone interview
with Greenfield on the preced-
ing Saturday, he spoke about his
education, his relationship to the
company, his business philosophy,
Phish Food and more.
Greenfield went to Oberlin
College, graduating in 1973. He
explained that the culture at the
time had a profound impact on
him, which followed him into his
work.
"It was the time of the Viet­
nam War; it was very active in
terms of the civil rights move­
ment, the women's movement.
And so, being at Oberlin at chat
time -it was a motivating and
politicizing experience for me," he
said. "I think that experience came
along with me into the business.
You know, business typically does
not get involved in social issues or
environmental issues."
Nonetheless, both Greenfield
and company co-founder Ben Co-•
hen cared about their involvement
in those issues. "I think the fact
that Ben & Jerry's became very ac­
tive and outspoken on particular
issues is somewhat a result of my
being at a liberal arts school."
The liberal arcs approach had
another impact on Greenfield's
future, though nor in the typical
fashion: "I was pre-med, and I
applied to medical school-and
never got into medical school. So
that-that helped me go into the
ice cream business." Today, many college students'
freezers proudly display Cohen's
and Greenfield's success. The duo
converted a small gas station into
an ice cream shop in Burlington,
Vt., in 1978. Over the next 22
years, they converted that ice
cream shop into a global franchise,
spreading ice cream euphoria
across the world.
Now, Cohen and Greenfield
play a different role but are still
very involved with the company.
In 2000, the publicly-held Ben &
Jerry's was purchased by Unilever,
a major consumer goods company.
Greenfield explained chat, at the
time, their preference would have
been to "remain independent."
However, "chat just didn't seem
possible."
Today, Cohen and Greenfield
are employed by the company, but
they're "nor involved in the man­
agement or the operations. I rend
to be more involved in the social
mission-trying to use the power
of the business to help address
social or environmental issues,"
Greenfield explained.
Phish Food-one of Ben
& Jerry's most popular flavors,
known to make people bounce
around the room with joy-is an
example of the ice cream compa­
ny's commitment to environmen­
tal activism. Ben & Jerry's and the
band Phish teamed up in 1995 to
create the gustatory masterpiece.
Since then, Phish has donated all
of the royalties to th~ WaterWheel
Foundation, which is involved
in the cleanup of Vermont's Lake
Champlain.
Now, Greenfield explained,
the company has committed to
transitioning to 100 perceflt fair trade and GMO-free ingredients
by the end of this year. He also
added that the company "has been
involved in trying to get money
out of politics-so I think there
are some really good things that
Ben & Jerry's i involved in." (To
read further about the activism of
Ben & Jerry's, visit http:/ /www.
benjerry.com/activism/)
I informed Greenfield of
Lewis & Clark's new entrepre­
neurial initiative and told him
th;t the implementation has been
mildly contentious. "Well, I think
business has a reputation (and
it's a well-earned reputation) of
thinking only about itself, about
operating in its self-interest; that
business pretty much tries to
maximize its profits without a real
concern for the community. And
I don't think business needs to be
like that. I think one of rhe things
we learned at Ben & Jerry's is that
you can have a business chat cares
about people, that tries to address
social and environmental issues,
and can still be as successful,
financiall.y, as any other business.
"So, I don't chink business in
and of itself is negative. I think
business is a neutral tool, and it
can be used for good, or it can
be used for other purposes. And
I think when people with good
values try to bring their values
into their business, business can
be very positive. You can choose to
ignore business and not be part of
it-and t:har's totally legitimate­
or you cam cry to \ise the power of
business to bring about a better
world."
Hopi111g to take advantage of
Greenfield's entrepreneurial wis­
dom, I asked him for a business idea I could steal to use in Lewis
& Clark's new Venture Competi­
tion. "I don't have any great ideas
for you, but in general I would
suggest that you do something
_that you're really passionate about,
not something that you think is a
cool idea that you think will make
a lot of money. I think you should
do something that you, personally,
are invested in," Greenfield said. FEBRUARY 8, 2013
ILLUSTRATION BY KELSEY GRAY
"I think any kind of ven-
ture, and particularly a start-up,
requires a huge commitment, and
you will run into difficult rin:ies
during that start-up period. And
if you're doing something you
really are passionate about and
that you believe in, that will get
you through those more difficult
times, rather than something that
you think is a 'trendy' idea."
Embarking upon LC's "Journey Forward"
Unveiling a three-pronged plan for the future
ALIX FINNEGAN
STAFF WRITER
While nibbling on lemon
carders and mushroom puffs,
students, faculty and staff from
all three Lewis & Clark campuses
gathered in Stamm on Tuesday,
STAFF Jan. 29, to celebrate the comple­
tion and adoption of the new
strategic plan.
Called "The Journey Forward,"
the plan outlines current strengths
of the college and identifies priori­
ties for the future. President Barry
Glassner, along with Director of Strategic Initiatives and the Paul
S. Wright Professor of Christian
Studies Rob Kugler (79) and
Director of Institutional Research
Mark Figueroa, presented the
plan to the assembled community
members.
At the top of the list are three overarching priorities that will
guide the college moving forward
in its quest to be at the forefront
of higher education.
Looking to maintain .LC's
already-strong reputation, the first
priority is to "be an institution to
which people across the nation
look for distinctive quality in
general higher education."
Building upon the school's
liberal arts nature and LC's
renowned overseas programs and
environmental engagement, the
second priority strives to maintain
and sustain LC's goal to "educate
people for life and leadership in
an interdependent global and
environmental context."
The third priority, to "make
Lewis & Clark known to an ever­
expanding circle of supporters
and prospective students and their
families," aims to create connec­
tions in Portland, the Northwest
and the world beyond.
The creation of this plan has
been a 20-month-long journey of
its own; from the initial "Plan­
ning to Plan" task force to the six
separate work groups to the steer­
ing committee, countless students,
faculty, staff, alumni and trustees
contributed their time and energy
to make this plan h!3-ppen.
The initial planning task force was assembled during the summer
of 2010 and the final plan brought
together by the work groups was
presented to the Board ofTrustees
in October 2012. "It [The Journey
Forward] might be one of the very
few times they've unanimously
done anything, I understand,"
quipped President Glassner in his
remarks to those assembled at the
celebration.
Numerous projects inspired by
"The Journey Forward" are already
in the works, with many more
planned for the future. "We defi­
nitely have more space to go," said
Figueroa in his speech. "Part of
this job with the strategic plan is
to ask those rough questions: Who
are we as an institution? How are
we going to get to where we want
to go? Most importantly, what do
we need to do? And then how do
we know when we've arrived?"
Notable projects within the
plan include the introduction of
an entrepreneurship program,
collaborative work between the
schools on environmental and
international work and reassess­
ing and refirting recmitment and
retention practices.
The plan, in its entirety, can
be found on the Strategic Plan
website: http:/ /www.lclark.edu/
strategic_plan. FEBRUARY 8, 2013 THE PIONEER LOG
NEWS 3
Observing MLK day, POX style
Students gathering at the MLK Day rally. BY EMMA HOCH­
SCH NEIDER
STAFF WRITER
This Martin Luther King Day,
students from all over the greater
Portland area -came together for a
National Day of Service project to
sort and repair children's books.
Faced with a daunting 40,000
books, 1,000 volunteers worked
for a day to benefit the commu­
nity and honor the mission of Dr.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Since its first observance in
1986, Martin Luther King Day
has held historical and social
importance. Not only does the
day honor the life and mission of
Dr. King, but it also brings people
together to improve their com­
munity. The MLK Day of Service began in 1994 when Congress
designated the day for service.
The day brought together
students from 10 local colleges
to Concordia University where
40,000 children's books waited. to
be repaired and sorted. Interim
Assistant Director of Lewis &
Clark's Center for Career and
Community Engagement Kirsten
Fix served on the committee for
the event.
"I think people are inspired
in different ways and that's why
there's an importance in having a
lot of different options in terms of
engagement," said Fix. "The city
of Portland got a big donation of
books so what we were looking at
was literacy in Portland and how
to address that."
The volunteers were successful;
all 40,000 books were refurbished. The service event was preceded
by a rally to inspire the volunteers
and honor the work of Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr.
Several speakers, including the
president of Concordia University
and the director of the "I Have a
Dream" Foundation, addressed
the volunteers about the signifi­
cance of community action and
the promotion of justice. The rally
also included a video featuring LC
alumna Goldann Salazar ('12).
"I thought the rally was really,
really effective in terms of getting
people excited about service and
making people aware of MLK's
mission," said Salazar.
The Martin Luther King Jr.
Day of Service invites people to
become more active in their com­
munities and positively impact the
lives of others.
One billion rising: Strike! Dance! Rise!
BY CASSIE BISHOP toward education and societal numbers and the result is Ensler's
ARTS EDITOR reform, but it has also led to an- target audience: at least one billion
nual events such as V-Day, which women who have been, are being,
Women in cafes proudly valorizes victory, valentines and and will be beaten, raped, or as-
proclaiming their adventurous vaginas. This year marks the 15th saulted around the world.
masturbation, women in shadowy anniversary ofV-Day. This mile- Susan Cushman is the host for
corners blushing deep crimson stone also marks the most ambi- Portland's One Billion Rising. "I
as they discuss a past lover, and tious campaign yet undertaken on want my daughter, I want you to
women creating "vagina" like other Valentine's Day to end the global not have to go through my experi-
filthy four letter words. Still, they complacency regarding violence ence," explained Cushman when
talked about "down there" and against women. The 2013 event is asked about her initial attraction
their memories of became Eve En-titled One Billion Rising. to One Billion Rising. "I want all
sler's lhe Vagina Monologues. The Why one billion? Current pop-of the young women in the world
ripples of these words have spread ulation estimates fall somewhere to not have to thrive as a survivor."
around the world, prompting slightly above seven billion people. Cushman's words undoubtedly
women, cultures, and countries to The proportion of women to men resonate with many women within
demand an end to the silence sur-is roughly 50 percent. Today, our City of Roses as does her mo-
rounding violence against women. statistics show chat one in three tivation to "Stand up and say this
Not only has Ensler's work women will be sexually assaulted is an atrocity. "
through lhe Vagina Monologues at some point in her lifetime. Motivations such as experienc-
acted as an international catalyst Break down all of those cold, hard ing and surviving sexual assault,
Rep. Blumenauer discloses
intentions of "The Path For,Nard"
Rethinking Federal Marijuana Policy
BY HANNAH PRINCE
& CHRISTOPHER VAN
PUTTEN
PHOTO EDITOR, NEWS
EDITOR
On Jan. 29, Representative
Earl Blumenauer visited Lewis &
Clark at a brown bag luncheon
where more than two dozen
students gathered to hear him and
participate in a lively question
and answer session in the Council
Chamber. He addressed several
public policy issues, from trans­
portation to education reform.
Just one week later, the alumnus
ofLC's undergraduate college and
law school made a surprising move
by proposing the Ending Federal
Marijuana Prohibition Act (H.R.
499) to Congress.
Blumenauer has represented
Portland for 18 years in the U.S.
House, marking his political career
with progressive initiatives. Dur­
ing the conversation on campus,
he began by celling those gathered
chat his political activity began
when he was an undergraduate at
LC. He said that he has been in
the political business ever since,
and he jokingly warned students
to "be careful what you do here ...
it just might grab you." The congressman is known
for his interest in environmental
sustainability and praised Lewis &
Clark for being at the forefront in
that field for the last 20 years. This
was his first visit to campus since
the college was reincorporated
into his_congressional district, the
third.
Blumenauer described the
changes that he has seen in the
voters' perspectives in the last few
decades. He discussed the issues
and acceptance of environmen-
tal conservation from increasing
renewable energy sources to imple­
mentation of electrically aided
bicycles and electric motorcycles.
He told of Oregon's pioneering
the decriminalization of marijuana
in 1973. The legislation read that
"the Seate Board of Pharmacy shall
classify marijuana as a controlled
substance in Schedule II, III, N
or V," removing it from Schedule
I. This direction forward paved
the way for 15 additional states to
have marijuana decriminalized. A
Gallup poll in December reports
that only 34 percent of Americans
believe that federal marijuana laws
should be enforced against people
acting in compliance with state
law.
"The path forward for a more sensible drug policy is clear,"
Blumenauer wrote in his execu­
tive summary to Congress. The
legislation he is proposing removes
cannabis from its federally pro­
hibited status and instructs the
Department of the Treasury to
issue licenses for cannabis retail
businesses ranging from $500/year
to $1000/year. He cited Washing­
ton state and Colorado legalizing
recreational marijuana sale, as well
as 18 states and D.C. legalizing
medical marijuana.
With passage ofH.R. 499,
each state would be able to decide
its cannabis laws and local cities,
schools and counties could create
more specific regulations and poli­
cy changes. The College's admin­
istration would be able to allow
the use of cannabis on campus in a
similar fashion to how students of
legal age consume alcohol.
He credited the current student
generation for changing the coun­
try with new approaches on issues
ranging from marriage equality to
"a push to have a rational and sane
immigration policy."
Blumenauer said, "These are
fascinating times in public poli­
cy." He discussed what he sees as
the two biggest issues today: tak­
ing responsibility for and respond-birthing a daughter who is forced strike, dance, and rise. There are
to _cope with today's realities, 186 countries around the:;, world
loving vaginas, expecting account- responding on Thursday by as-
ability when aces of violence are sembling, dancing, singing, and
committed, or simply reveling uniting in protest of violence
in the energy ofV-Day's dancing against our sex.
mobs across the globe are prompt- "If enough of us stand up and
ing ordinary women like Cush- rise, then women will be empow-
man to step out of their lives and ered to stand," said Cushman.
tie yet another city into the global "Why are we putting up with this?
web. This isn't a woman's issue ... this is
Like these women themselves, a global crisis. "
the dedication and. determination On lhursday Feb. 14, at 3 p.m.,
of One Billion's hosts is anything both men and women are invited
but ordinary. "I think it's a show to Director's Park at 815 SW Park
of solidarity ... A woman is home Avenue.
being battered and sees this on the For more information visit http:!/
news and says, 'Woah, I can just onebillionrising_.orgl. For details on
walk out. "' the Portland event click ''start/join, "
This V-Day celebration revolves then simply input our zip code and
with three verbs at its center: get excited!
Xander Blair (113) poses with Congressman Earl Blumenauer dur­
ing his visit to Lewis & Clark.
ing to climate change and taking
a different and more thoughtful
approach to doing business that
is conscious of not overspending
money.
He took questions from the
audience on a wide range of topics
like high speed rail systems, Puerto
Rico's statehood, gun control and
education reform. He recom­
mended changing the approach
to gun control, suggesting that it
needs to be addressed as an epi­
demic, similar to how the U.S. has
dealt with drunk driving.
Responding to a question on
education funding, he compared
it to the healthcare system and
identified the current federal
education system as fractured and
fragmented. With unified central control of education on a federal
level, he hopes it will provide "not
just standards, tests, or hoops, but
money and food." This would sup­
port and improve schools across
the country.
"The federal government ought
to put the money on the table and
deal with the basics," Blumenauer
said. He also_ mentioned his sup­
port for dual immersion programs .
in schools that help children on
the path to becoming "global
citizens, even here at home."
You can find a full version of
"The Path Forward" here: .. 4
The Republican war
on reason
BY CALEB DIEHL
OPINION EDITOR
Macklemore said it best: "the
[debt] ceiling can't hold us."
House Republicans know this and
still insist on ruthless and ineffi­
cient tactics to force their fantasies
and magic budget-balancing solu­
tions on an exhausted American
populace. They might oppose drug
legalization, but these hypocrites
are smoking some pretty strong
stuff.
Their latest ploy, succinctly
termed "No Budget, No Pay,"
inflates conservative hubris and ex­
coriates fiscal cliff angst by extort­
ing even more concessions from
a nation upheld by a Democratic
house, Democratic president and
left-leaning voting population.
"No Budget, No Pay," will
dock rhe pay of senators un­
less they accede to Republican
demands for a budget.
Your elementary school teacher
probably told you this nation was
built on compromise. Yet the old
adage "a compromise is where
nobody gets what they want" is
probably more accurate, especially
when today's House Republicans
craft the agreement. Putative deals,
like rhose engendered by the fiscal
cliff and debt ceiling negotiations,
yield mediocrity and complacency
in a decrepit socioeconomic cli­
mate yearning for radical change.
In the climactic fiscal cliff talks,
President Obama deteriorated
into endless concessions, while
disgruntled and unsportsmanlike
Republicans devolved into a bar­
gaining strategy I perfected when I
was five years old-say no to every
proposition and reject all deals as
fantastic chicanery.
Backup parachutes eventually
opened while we plummeted in
free fall, but golden parachutes for
the wealthy proved more effec-
tive. Conservatives managed to
get their favorite two percent of
rhe population a deal by pushing
tax increases up from rhe origi,
nally proposed $250,000 income
level to individual earners making
$400,000 or more each year and
households earning $450,000. The
new rate for the top tax bracket now rests at its Clintonian level of
39.6 percent. Meanwhile, French
politicians mull 75 percent tax
rates for rheir citizens.
Essentially, several hundred
. Americans fought to defend one
or two percent of the population
against executive will, the majority
of the legislature and rhe votes of
millions of their countrymen.
To delay their inevitable capitu­
lation on the debt ceiling talks,
Congressional Republicans tried
to waterboard the country into
confessing a need for lower taxes
and harsh spending cuts by bring­
ing it to the brink of drowning in
default and utter fiscal chaos and
disarming it with talk of a new
budget.
We haven't crafted a budget
since 2009, however, for good
reasons. We have tougher issues
to worry about-how to stop
banging our heads on the debt
ceiling, for instance. A budget
is also unnecessary. Congress al­
locates money through appropria­
tions bills, using the budget as a
non-binding framework. Its only
real use is as a -conservative smoke
screen while Republicans keep the
default bomb ticking.
Now Republican megalomani­
acs and hacks have come forward
with their exorbitant claims
to clean up rhe economy they
ruined-in record time. P90X has
given Paul Ryan more than just
big muscles; his 'oversized head
rhinks it can reduce the deficit by
$6.2 trillion in 10 years with no
tax increases.
We cannot compromise with
traitors and plutocrats. We cannot
cut deals with people who deal in
the subsistence of poor starving
families and the financial sol­
vency of middle-class workers to
sustain rhe abstruse and indulgent
lifestyles of top earners. And
they do this like terrorists-with
prolonged political torture and
threats. This constitutes treason of
all the progress Americans voted
for in November and everything
their progressive president has
promised. Just remember, rhe last
time President Obama came up
against a ruthless terrorist, he took
him down hard. THE PIONEER LOG FEBRUARY 8, 2013
OPINION
Media hysteria hinders gun
control debate
ILLUSTRATION BY MAX LARUE
BY TYLIER PATTERSON
STAFF WRITER
When I heard about the tragic
acts of recent gun violence that
resulted in the deaths of innocent
Americans, I was deeply saddened.
The thought of losing a loved
one to gun violence both scared
me and helped me to sympathize
with the affected communities.
Humanity has a right to live free
from fear, and the government
has a responsibility to protect this
freedom. After the news of these
tragedies I, like most Americans,
developed. a position on gun
control that I thought would best
prevent future mass shootings and.
gun violence. Unfortunately, I
have encountered hostile opposi­
tion.
The debate over the right to
bear arms has dominated. national
news since before the new year,
and it continues today. Anchors
and. ordinary Americans alike
quickly dismissed opponents'
views on t:he definition of the
Second.Amendment as politicized
or misdirected. An anonymous
Internet user articulated her
pro-gun opinions by blaming
rhe media and. its misdirection
but tried to sell her argument by
packaging her opinion as a quote
from Morgan Freeman. He never,
in fact, uttered the quote (nor was
it based on Freeman's comments
on gun control).
If you are a Facebook user like
me, you probably saw dozens
of your friends rally behind this
anti-celebrity culture quote,
which, ironically, was spread. and
trusted. because of celebrity cul­
ture. This quote blamed modern gun violence on a lack of mental
health awareness and. victimized
television: "Flip on rhe news and
watch how we treat the Batman
theater shooter and the Oregon
mall shooter like celebrities," the
post claimed Freeman had said.
It encouraged that attention be
directed towards mental health
research instead of anti-gun
legislation. It ended wirh a call to
action by telling Americans that
they "can help by turning off the
news."
I am not advocating for
the media; I am weary of how
political ideas are being packaged
to encourage you to share the
expresser's view, especially when
the message capitalizes on fear.
Another "face" frequently thrown
around was rhe previous disarm­
ing of citizens directly before mass
killings like rhe Holocaust. The
crafters of these images hoped to
capitalize on fear and encourage
Americans to run for their guns.
Glassner and student
weigh in on
America's fear
culture.
Lewis & Clark President
Barty Glassner is a sociologist
and social commentator who
has closely studied mass hysteria.
He published thoughts on this
subject in his book 7he Culture of
Fear: Why Americans Are Afraid of
the Wrong 7hings. "By means of
fearmongering, all sorts of groups
sell products and policies, from
Volvos to homes in gated com­
munities, from memberships in organizations that favor greater
regulation of firearms to those
rhat oppose those regulations,"
President Glassner said via email.
"Seldom if ever does fearmonger­
ing produce greater insight or
objective knowledge, and too of­
ten, it distracts our attention from
real problems and from realistic
solutions to those problems. Com­
monly pro-gun organizations, like
the National Rifle Association, cite
violence in media for the rise in
gun related deaths."
But rhe debates regarding
policy and media seem to crimi­
nalize certain positions held by
individuals and organizations. It
is important to approach news
critically and be skeptical of state­
ments by special interest groups
that pick and choose statistics to
share. The National Rifle Associa­
tion frequently states that most
Americans support the right to
bear arms when petitioning the
government for easy access to
guns. While it is true that most
Americans do not want to rid
the nation of guns, the NRA is
purposefully avoiding statistics.
A recent Gallup poll shows that
92 percent of Americans support
requiring background checks at
gun shows. The same poll found
that only six percent of Americans
today always support the NRA's
position, while 61 percent claim
to do so only "most" or "some of
the time."
Ordinary citizens are not cruel
for holding polarized positions
on gun control. While my friends
might hold different positions
regarding the Second Amend­
ment, I understand that their
positions are grounded in a sense
of security and freedom. How­
ever, we cannot allow media and
large organizations to capitalize on
our fear, creating hostile debates
and causing finger pointing when
citizens are acting out of organic
concerns. The problem arises when
we allow political organizations,
news and social media to capital­
ize on our concerns and shame
ordinary Americans who, like me,
are only trying to keep our world
safe.
Equality or quality? Realigning military priorities
BY ZOE KLINGMANN as an armor-placed one, banning have already lost their lives in Iraq generally underrepresented in the Of course, reviewing the
STAFF WRITER many individuals from leadership and Afghanistan. The proposed military. This is a noble goal, but standards is in itself not wrong;
roles for which rhey were perfectly change in women's status is a step lowering standards for the express the nature of war is changing,
Defense Secretary Leon Panetta capable. On top of the individual coward acknowledging how we purpose of making numbers and as we were reminded recently,
announced last month that the aspect, this exclusion also hurt rhe really fight and who is really doing match up is the wrong way to most our soldiers aren't going to
U.S. military will be lifring its military as an organization; if you rhe fighting-and it br!ngs our go about promoting equality for need training in bayonet-wielding
20-year-old ban on women serv- don't even consider 50 percent of military better in line with our women in combat. anytime soon. Perhaps the future
ing on the front lines of combat, the population for command posi-principles as a nation Physical fitness guidelines are of our armed forces will be more
announcing rhat if "rhey can meet tions, chances are you've missed at stringent for a reason, and weak- about sitting in a room piloting a
the qualifications for rhe job, then least a few good candidates. Advocating for ening chem could end up hurt- drone than going on field mis-
they should have right to serve." What's more, it is a well- ing military effectiveness. What's sions, and physical fitness won't
The rule change was long overdue, documented fact that women have modern women in more, lower standards could matter as much. But changes
at last bringing the military closer been working-and dying-on modern warfare. detract from the contributions should be made wirh the overall
to reflecting the principal of equal- the front lines already. Because of of women who do make it into capability of our armed forces in
ity of opportunity we like to think the non-traditional nature of war combat roles. Certain conservative mind. Though equal opportunity
we exemplify in this country. in Iraq and Afghanistan, it is no So what could go wrong? That commentators are liable to release is important, it's not the end goal
In the :irmed forces, official longer clear exactly what the front could depend on your definition the bloodhounds at the first whiff of rhe military. Any change in
combat experience is crucial line is, and despite rhe official of"equality." Military leadership of the word "quota'' and changing policy that sacrifices quality for
to advancement in leadership 1994 policy banning women from has releasd few details, but there standards carelessly only throws rhe sake of contrived "equality"
positions, wherher in rhe field or the most exposed combat units, has been some talk of changing these people a bone. There are not only hurts the military as an
behind a desk. Because of rhis, many have been attached to such physical fitness standards in already qualified female soldiers organization but also cheapens the
the combat restriction was not so battalions as auxiliary forces. One order to make active duty more out there, and they shouldn't have accomplishments of rhe women
much a glass ceiling for women hundred and fifty two women accessible to women, who are to deal with flak. who serve. < FEBRUARY 8, 2013
SAM KLEINER
Denver, CO
Class of 2015
Psychology Major
RHMS Minor
How would you describe your outlook on fashion? THE PIONEER LOG
STYLI: SOURCE
I honestly think anything can look good if you wear it with
confidence. I think it's fun to go to school in a place like Port­
land where you can dress however you want and it can be
perceived as "cool."
How do your style choices reflect you as a person?
I think how you dress reflects a lot about who you are, I've
changed a lot since high school, and I think my sense of fash­
ion has as well. Nowadays, I just really don't give a fuck and
wear whatever I want, and I think Lewis & Clark is a good en­
vironment to explore who you wanna be and.how you wanna
dress.
Has being at Lewis & Clark influenced the way you dress?
Definitely. My Colorado friends think it's changed me into a·
raging hipster. I just think I dress better and maybe smoke more
cigarettes.
If you had to relate your personal style to someone famous,
who would that be?
James Dean or Morrissey.
What three words best describe your wardrobe?
Flossy, Clean, Urban.
Tell me all about this lovely letterman jacket you have ...
_ It was a gift from someone. I like it because it looks like I lost
my way back to the set of Grease, or maybe to Copeland. Pret­
ty ridiculous, but it's got that vintage SO's vibe, which is why 5
PHOTOS BY CLARA LINEHAN 6
From
Pixar to
Provence
BY KEVIN RYAN
STAFF WRITER THE PIONEER LOG
FEATURES
PHOTO BY KEVIN RYAN
How to malie the real ratatouille
Everybody knows it from the
popular Pixar movie, but does
anyone actually know how to
make a ratatouille, or even know
what it is? Until recently, rata­
touille has been largely Cirrknown,
living out its existence malnly in
the kitchens of Provence in the
south of France.
This is not, and probably was
never intended to be, a fancy dish
served in restaurants. Like many
dishes originating in Provence,
ratatouille was born out of neces­
sity. The question, "What do I do
with this melange of vegetables?"
is a fairly typical one in cultures
where people have to live on the
food they have immediately avail­
able. Fortunately for the world of
food, that question has generated
some of the best· dishes known to
man. It is from this tradition that
ratatouille was born.
Ratatouille is a Proven<;:al
vegetable stew made with onions,
tomatoes, peppers, eggplant and
zucchini. There is also an herbal
element, usually basil or marjo­
ram. Traditionally, everything is
stewed together in a large pot for
about an hour, at which point it
has a particularly mushy consis­
tency. I prefer an updated, fresher version, where the vegetables really
get the spotlight, but it still feels
and tastes like a hearty Proven<;:al
stew. The version of ratatouille
from the Pixar movie is notice­
ably different from the traditional
method as well, and is actually a
confit byaldi created by Thomas
Keller. Although that version looks
pretty, it's a real pain to actually
make. This streamlined ratatouille
preserves all of the great flavor and
saves on time and effort.
Ingredients:
-28 oz. can diced tomatoes
-5 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
-1 onion, finely diced
-1 eggplant, finely diced
-2 zucchini, finely diced
-1 green bell pepper, finely diced
-1 red bell pepper, finely diced
-12 large basil leaves, chopped
-olive oil·
-kosher salt
-black pepper
-herbes de Provence
Method:
In a large saucepan over medium
heat, add some olive oil and then
the onions. Cook for about five
minutes, until the onions are
translucent. Add the garlic and
CbUm13GJ IB0SS~C';
BY LINDSEY BOSSE
STAFF WRITER
Facebook and I have had a fair­
ly harmonious and open relation­
ship. Sometimes we see each other
many times a day, sometimes not
for weeks. The day I made my
Facebook account, I had already
re;_iized the potential danger of
being honest online, so I made
my name "Lindsey Aryn" and said
I was 21 (I was 15); I failed to
specify a hometown, and I gave an
email address that I haven't used
for over a decade now. Facebook
notes that users use their real
name and real information, since
it is a global community, which is
fairly idealistic when considering the potential of criminal activ­
ity that could be done through
Facebook. w
<J)
<J)
0 co
>­w
<J)
0 z ::::;
u..
0
>-· <J) w
I­
Q,:
::)
0 u
§
I
0..
However, Facebook has laws.
Throughout my relationship with
Facebook, I have posted chain
statuses, created Facebook pages
for other companies and people,
managed pages, created profiles
for pets and continued to use a
name that is unrecognizable when
compared to my birth certificate.
According to the "Statement of
Rights and Responsibilities," as
created by Facebook, I have bro­
ken several Facebook laws.
The "Statement of Rights
and Responsibilities" is probably
not the most frequently visited
page on Facebook, and if it were, some salt and cook for another
minute. Add the can of tomatoes
along with some pepper and
herbes de Provence. Reduce to a
simmer, stirring occasionally and
crushing some of the tomatoes
against the side of the pot.
Spread the diced eggplant out on
a paper t:owel and salt liberally. Let
sit for at least 15 minutes, then pat
dry with paper rowels.
In a skillet over medium-high
heat, add some olive oil, then add
the eggplant and zucchini. As
they cook, add some salt, pepper
and herbes de Provence. Cook
until they are heated through and
a little bit soft, after about five
minutes of cooking. Set aside in
a bowl and add more olive oil to
the pan. Add the bell peppers,
repeating the process with the salt,
pepper and herbes de Provence.
The peppers should take about
three minutes to cook.
Add the cooked peppers,
eggplant and zucchini to the
tomato sauce, along with the basil.
Stir over low heat to incorporate
and heat the vegetables through.
Taste and then adjust seasoning as
needed. Serve with bread or pasta.i._
it can be used as a side dish ro ac­
company fish, lamb, beef, etc.
there would be a lot of things
we wouldn't do. For example,
anyone at Lewis & Clark who has
ever managed a Facebook page
and then given that password to
someone else in order for them to
manage it has broken a Facebook
law.
There are subsets of regula­
tions for things like promotions,
payment and even data use (which
is a whole section regarding
how they harvest and distribute
information). Technically, tagging
someone in a photo without con­
sent is illegal by Facebook laws, as
is having an account when under
the age of 13 or not updating your
phone number on your profile if
you change numbers.
But Facebook, too, has ques­
tionable behavior in light of loose
legislation.
The last six months or so have
made waves for a mass production
of privacy-frenzied statuses, while
also piquing legislative interest.
Considering the absolute boom
that was, and is, Facebook, many
concerns have been raised about
personal data privacy. On the one
hand, Facebook's security options,
like being able to control your
posts to be "Public" -or "Private,"
may give the illusion that your in-FEBRUARY 8, 2013
Dear Virgins,
How do you begin hard relationship ("State of the Union") conver­
sations with the person you are dating? I have been seeing this girl for
three weeks, and I am not sure if we are "together" or what, and I don't
know how to ask.
Sincerely,
In A Relationship?
Dear In A Relationship?,
OMFG. How am I supposed to know? I can barely manage the "Is this
a date?" question. By barely I mean I cannot handle that question. I never
ask that question. After I hang out with a smart, sexy, queer, single girl I go
home and over-analyze everything she said or did during our time together
in order to surmise her motives. Even if the girl is smokin' hot, I tend to
come off as friendly, but uninterested. My policy in all life situations is to
never allude to the fact that I am even vaguely interested in sex or a romantic
relationship. You may not know this about me, given my apparent openness
in this column (ya'll remember, this shit is semi-anonymous), but in person I
strive to maintain an image that is as sexless as possible.
But for real. If a friend texts me that she loves me, and I don't feel like I
love her, I will usually respond with something like, "Yah, luv u 2!" which I
view as a very non-committal and misleading phrase given its lack of correct
grammar and spelling. Shit is complicated. Real life.
Sincerely,
Gay Lady Virgin
Dear In a Relationship?,
They say that communication is key, and I would like to think that in a
relationship I would follow this advice to a tee. IfI was uncertain about the
status of my relationship, I would sit down with the boy in question and ask
outright, "What are we doing here? If we had to pick a relationship status for
Facebook right now, what would it be?" That is what any healthy, indepen­
dent and confident individual would do.
But this is where we are kidding ourselves. If you were a healthy, indepen­
dent and confident individual when it came to relationships, you would not
be seeking the advice of an advice columnist in a student newspaper.
Furthermore, if I were a healthy, independent and e0nfident individual,
then I would not be providing misguided and cynical answers to relation­
ship questions posed by college students. Given the situation, my best advice
would be to come at this question from the side. Bring up friends' relation­
ships or fictional relationships in conversation and pay attention to how this
girl reacts. If possible, watch movies or television shows with romantic plot
lines together-(so, most of them would work) and pay attention to how she
acts during scenes involving confessions oflove. If she scoots closer to you
and squeezes your hand, then you are golden. If not, that isn't necessarily
bad. She could be just as confused and uncomfortable as you are.
If you are braver than I am, just go for it and ask. But if you are as awk­
ward and analytical as I am, then sweat it out until she gives you some kind
of sign, like introducing you as her gf/bf or inviting you to leave a tooth­
brush at her house.
Good luck!
Straight Lady
formation on Facebook is secure,
private and only accessible to you.
However, under their data use
policy, Facebook notes that every
single move you make on Face­
book is traceable by them, down
to which computers you're using
Facebook on and where those
computers are located. They can
tell whose profiles you've looked
"We have agreed to
be respectful
members of Face­
book even if we've
never read the
fine print."
at, what games you're playing,
what you've been doing, and they
then use that information to make
your Facebook experience more
personal. Is this an invasion of pri­
vacy or a brilliant way to improve
marketing schemes through devel­
oping accurate target audiences?
Departments like the U.S. Fair
Trade Commission have stepped
in, questioning data intake and distribution. As of 2011, the
department had settled charges
against Facebook stating that "it
deceived consumers by tell-
ing them they could keep their
information on Facebook private,
and then repeatedly allowing it
to be shared and made public,"
according to a release published
by the Federal Trade Commission.
Following that in February 2012,
the Obama administration passed
a "Privacy Bill of Rights" directly
referencing social media and other
corporations in the give and take
of personal data.
Facebook, and some of the
more brilliant-yet-deceptive
practices that have been derived
from the platform, was not an­
ticipated to create any legislative
issues on behalf of users, creators
and legislators alike. The govern­
ment is enforcing Facebook to be
more transparent and respectful
of privacy, which trickles down
to Facebook requiring users to be
more conscious of their online
etiquette and technique.
Like many other contracts that
we hold as adults, we have agreed
to be respectful members of the
Facebook community and abide
by their standards, even if we've
never read the fine print. .. FEBRUARY 8, 2013
Winterim workshop
boosts entrepreneurial
spirit on campus
BY LINDSAY MULCAHY
STAFF WRITER
From Jan.14-18, 2013, 34
participants arrived on campus for
Lewis & Clark's annual Entrepre­
neurship Winterim, a workshop
designed to introduce students
to skills needed to start their own
business ventures or contribute
to existing ones. The workshop,
which cost $500 to attend, had
lectures from guest speakers, such
as Amber Case ('08), recently fea­
tured in Inc. Magazine's as one of
the "30 Under 30 to Watch." The
speakers provided students with
the ability to interact and network
with successful entrepreneurs.
"I thought the best part was
being able to have intimate
conversations with guest speakers,
especially those who were alumni,"
said Marisol Jenkins ('15). "Being
able to learn and connect to their
academic background truly sparks
some reassurance that an educa­
tion from Lewis & Clark opens up
so many possibilities after rnllege."
The week culminated with
a group project where students
designed their own innovative
business models. The projects,
ranging from a collapsible surf­
board to a cultural dance studio to
a male cosmetics line called "Get
Rubbed," were presented for peer
evaluation and reviewed by the
entrepreneurs.
"Tnat was the hardest part,"
said Daniel Hahm (' 16) of the
evaluation and review process.
"Your group thinks they have a
great idea, and then when ochers
critique it you realize all the vari­
ables you didn't think 0£"
Fellow Winterim attendee John
BY JULIA HUGGINS
STAFF WRITER
There's a high probability that
the majority of Lewis & Clark
students are not familiar with our
own Yung-Pin Chen's work on
randomness statistics, and many
are potentially interested in LC
faculty member ~ne Bentley's
development of battery nanopar­
ticles. If you'll humor me, I would
love to shed some light on Assis­
tant Professor Shannon O'Leary's
work with electromagnetic fields
and help translate the complex
world of Professor Deborah Ly­
can's ribosomal research.
This is the first in a series
(possibly infinite) of short articles
highlighting the lively and dy­
namic world of natural sciences at
LC. Hidden ~way in the base­
ments and back-rooms of Bo Dine
and Olin, experiments are fester­
ing, algorithms are running and
equipment is being calibrated. The
mysterious "science" is happen-
ing here, yet these activities don't Rogers (' 15) agreed, saying that
despite the discomfort the process
"greatly improved [my] skills in
that particular area."
Ian Blair (' 14) said that the
Winterim helped him feel more
prepared for a job because he
now feels he knows how a busi­
ness works. Hahm agreed that
"I thought the best
part \Vas being able
to have intimate
conversations with
guest speakers, es­
pecially those who
1 • " were a umn1:-
the conference showed him "the
amount of work that you need to
put in to be successful."
"This course proved to me that
you have the power to create your
own job. All you need is a good
idea and the dedication and tenac­
ity to follow through with it," said
Rogers (' 15).
The college is increasing atten­
tion on entrepreneurship with the
creation of the Entrepreneurship
Center, which will be lead by Psy­
chology Department Chair Brian
Detweiler-Bedell.
The first undertaking of the
center is an entrepreneurship
competition that will take place
this spring. Teams of students can
sign up to develop for-profit or
non-profit business ventures and
then compete for funding to make
their ideas into reality.
THE
PIONEER
LOG'S
NATURAL
SCIENCES
COLUMN
make a significant difference to
the majority of our community. I
invite you to join me in randomly
sampling these pockets of inquiry,
with the objective of elucidating
this fascinating work that is all
too often obscured by jargon and
daunting course prerequisites.
Our focus will be to create a
lens through which all members of
our academic community can en­
vision the main hypotheses, meth­
ods and techniques of each field
and take in the import of new
results and the conclusions drawn
from them. Each week we will
explore a different facet of current
LC resear_ch: senior theses, profes­
sor spotlights, recent publications,
unresolved problems and future
goals ... All subjects are all liable to
examination. As the topics covered
will be variable and dependent on
readers' interests, please do write
to me (jhuggins@lclark.edu) with
your ideas, suggestions, proposals,
questions, et al., and together we
will lay the foundation of scientific
literacy. THE PIONEER LOG
FEATURES
Unity and reconciliation:
A Riwandan story of healling BY HANNAH PRINCE
STAFF WRITER
Emmanuel Habimana, born
in Rwanda, was 9 years old
during the Genocide of 1994. He
is currently smdying English as
an AES student at Lewis & Clark
on the Dallaire Scholarship. On
Thursday, Jan. 31, Habimana pre­
sented his documentary, Komara:
To Heal, to a packed Council
Chamber.
A simultaneous streamed video
of the film screening was shown in
the Stamm dining hall, which was
filled to the point of overflowing.
The documenrary was a collabo­
ration between Habimana and
Natalie Ledford, a college student
from Nebraska. The Director of
Academic English Studies Joann
Geddes introdt'i.ced the event by •
discussing the history of the Dal­
laire Scholarship at LC, which was
established in 2004.
To date, this scholarship has
brought eight individuals from
Rwanda to study English for a
year at LC. 1he Dallaire Scholar­
ship is the brainchild of former
student Michael Graham ('06),
who was inspiired by the 1994
Rwandan Genocide. The funds
give Rwandan students a chance
to learn English and improve op­
portunities for citizens in Rwanda
by changing the country itsel(
I met with Emmanuel Habi­
mana to discuss his film and to
talk about his personal experi­
ences of working on an early
traumatic childhood experience.
"Komora" means to heal, and
Habimana clarified the title's im­
portance and relevance to the film
and his life.
"You can heal the wounds you
have, you can heal any sickness,
but you can heal something re­
lated to emotional difficulties, es­
pecially when it comes to trauma,"
he explained. "So, the film is
about the people in Rwanda ... after
the 1994 Tutsi genocide."
The film focuses on the life of
those orphaned by the genocide
as they struggle to deal with the
aftermath of trauma and learn to
overcome it. Habimana and his
co-director Ledford explore the re­
lationships between survivors and
the people who were responsible,
the killers. They talk about the •
process of unity and reconciliation
that is now going on in Rwanda.
The Piom:er Log: What is it
like to work on a project with such
a personal connection?
Habimana.: "Filming was really difficult, but after some time I
learned a lot. So, it's become a part
of healing and helped me many
times."
He added that he had actually
changed the title to Komara from
its original name, The Children
Who Lived, after gaining an under­
standing from the people involved
in the project, especially "from the
people who killed and those who
repented."
"Filming the documentary
became like a medicine .. .it's really
difficult to understand somebody
else, especially when it's somebody
who has caused the trouble to you,
like the killers," he said.
At this point during the in­
terview, we were interrupted by
Associate Dean of Students and
Director of Multicultural Affairs
Tricia Brand, who chatted with
Habimana, praised his work on
the documentary and called the
screening of Komara "probably one
of the singular, most impactful
events of the year."
PL: Can you discuss the suc­
cess that you have had in spread­
ing his message about Rwanda and
sharing the story of your country?
Habimana: "It's the only
thing I can do to give value of the
people who have been killed ...
They have been killed without
any value, [they] have been just
killed like animals, like dogs! But
this is the thing, that I feel like I
am bringing back to my family,
my community, my country and
the future! It's the only thing I can
do."
PL: How does it feel to share
such a personal story with such a
large audience?
Habimana: "It was difficult but
important to share for people
who can't speak for themselves,
who don't have the opportunity.
Because how are we going to tell
people what has happened? It hap­
pened, people were watching ... no
one wanted to react, people turned
back and many other people have
perished."
He stressed that the genocide
was not "just a Rwandan issue"
and that the situation was more
political and was contributed to
by other countries in the inter­
national community. "So, telling
[my story] js really tough, but
just because it's tough, I have to
fight it and face this stuff; I have
to share the story. That's all I can
do ... then, people can know what 7
PHOTOS BY SAM SHAFER
happened."
PL: What do you wanr people to
take away from the film? What is
its purpose?
Habimana: "My purpose was to
teach orphans, who are going to
watch the movie, that we can over­
come, that we can do something.
The [second purpose of the film]
was to show the image-what
my country is doing after the
genocide, showing where we are
progressing good and where we are
failing."
Habimana hopes that by shar­
ing Rwanda's story, not just of the
genocide but also of the survivors
and future of Rwanda, he can
help others understand and stop
future injustices. His hope is to
stop the kind of trauma that he
experienced. "What happened
[there] happened to me and was
over, but people survived, and we
have to deal with other difficulties
as a nation after a genocide, and ...
It's not something easy and it takes
a while."
Habimana hopes that his voice
can alert people to current crises.
"Maybe someone about my age
today, or the same age I was in
1994, is facing the same thing just
because he is _the thing that he is,
you know, the ethnicity, or any
dif(erent reason. Maybe he has
different opinions to the govern­
ment, or maybe he was born in a
place rich with minerals and, you
know, he has to die because-I
mean there are many different rea­
sons why people are being killed,
especially in Africa, or somewhere
else like that. Anyway, that, [the
documentary/story], is my contri­
bution. I wish I could do more. I
wish my voice could be heard by
many, many people, as many as
possible, bur that's all I could· do."
Komora: To Heal will be
screened again on campus later this
spring. and can also be seen onlim:
through Vimeo. Donations will be
accepted to help Habimana and
Ledford finalize their film. 8
A different
perspective
. POX'S INTERNATIONAL
Fl LM FESTIVAL
NO-CHILE
BY ALLIE MCRAITH
NEWS EDITOR
The 36th Portland International Film
Festival's motto, "Extend your cultural
pinky," is appropriate. Regardless of the
movie, for approximately two hours you
will be guaranteed an in-depth look at an­
other culture. And last week, I was granted
access ro the world of Chile in 1988.
Exploring a concept Americans have
proven to adore in Mad Men, NO is a more
historically accurate representation of the
relationship between advertising and poli­
tics. This film provides a compelling look at
the "YES" and "NO" campaigns, in which
the "YES" campaign supported re-electing
dictator Augusto Pinochet.
Starring Gael Garcia Bernal as Rene Saa­
vedra, the brains behind the NO campaign,
it tells the story of how the underdogs em­
ployed the tricks of advertising to persuade
the p6blic to vote to overthrow Pinochet.
Using actual footage and a low-definition
camera authentic ro 1980s Chile, director
Pablo Larrain tells a beautiful story of hope,
fear and patriotism. To quote the movie, or
at least the English subtitles: "It works, I got
goose bumps."
BEYOND THE HtLLS -ROMANIA
BY MAX LARUE
STAFF WRITER
Beyond The Hills tells the tale of nvo
women who befriended each ocher in an
orphanage when they were young and have
now reunited at the unusual new home of
one of the women: a small and somewhat
extremist religious cult in rural Romania.
One of the women is a nun at the church,
while the other is an outsider threatening
the security of the parish.
The film focuses on the relationship be­
tween the two women as well as the namre
of cult mentality, which offers benefits to its
members while posing a threat to those who
defy it.
The film's strength lies in its absolutely
stunning cinematography; although the
acting was largely hit or miss, the film's
composition made up for the movie's flaws.
LORE -AUSTRALIA
BY EVA GOELLNER
STAFF WRITER
Lore, a film by Australian director Cate
Shortland, tests the emotional limits of
moviegoers with its convoluted and heart­
wrenching plot. Beginning at the end of
World War II, the movie follo~s the jour­
ney of five siblings after they are abandoned
by their Nazi Schurzstaffel parents during a
500-mile-long trek to their grandmother's
house. As these children, led by eldest
sister Lore, set out on their odyssey across
Germany, the challenges and horrors of
war that face them are unimaginably grim.
Along the way, they encounter and receive
help from a young male Jewish survivor
whose kindness and survival techniques
are under-appreciated, especially by Lore,
because of the children's Nazi upbringing.
Set against the dramatic backdrop of
Southern Germany's Black Forest, the
twists and turns of Lore send viewers on
an emotional roller coaster. The director
successfully tackles a very difficult story and
a beautiful, powerful film is the result. The
images, in conjunction with the story, were
often difficult to watch; similarly, the sub­
ject matter is so heavy that I was left with THE PIONEER LOG
ARTS
PHOTO OF FEBRUARY 8, 2013
THE W E E K
PHOTOGRAPH BY
TED HAMILTON ('13)
CORDILLERA DE LOS AND.ES, CHILE. The early morning sun warms chilly climbers at
2 700 m on Cerro Manch6n.
Co-Op to host
local bands,
special guest
BY HAYLEY TRIVETT
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Tonight at the Co-Op, Los Angeles
musician Dayve Samek joins local musicians
to form Trance Farmers. Last month, Stones
Throw Records released Trance Farmer's
single "Purple Hay" as a part of the collab­
orative album Dual Form. The dreamy pop
track is a mere introduction to the band's
experimentation with samples and richly
textured psych rock.
'Tm excited to see how Trance Farmers
translates from a bedroom project to a full
live band. 'Purple Hay' was full of fuzzed
our moments while still sounding some­
thing like doo-wop. I'll be curious to see if
the live band continues in that direction or
transform into something new," said Co-Op
Music Coordinator Kevin Muhitch (' 14).
Preceding Trance Farmers is Portland's
Sweet Tooth. This recently formed quar-
tet creates 50's-style garage pop without
sounding gimmicky. Expect a gritty cover
of The Beatles' "Twist and Shout" in their
live set. Fake Nails remain consistent with
the lineup's lo-fi garage pop theme, bur they
also introduce a subtle post-punk qual-
ity. Amid the nostalgic pop, solo artists
Cameron C. Rogers and Stevie Schmidt will
offer a change of pace with a more contem­
porary, electronic prelude to the night.
Tonight, 8 p.m. to 12 a.m., The Co-Op
lots to mull over after leaving the theac,~r.
That being said, if you enjoy history,
drama and gripping plot twists and can
deal with your heart being broken time and
time again, then I would highly recommend
Lore.
NO: Feb. 15 at 6 p.m. in Whitsell Audito­
rium and Feb._ 17 at 4:45 p. m. at Regal Lloyd
Center 10.
Beyond the Hills: Feb. 9 at 8:30 p.m. in
Whitsell and Feb. 13 at 7:30 p.m. at RLC 4.
Lore: Feb. 10 at 7:30 p. m. in Whitsell and
Feb. 11 at 5:45 p. m. at the RLC 10. THE
CREATIVE
CORNER
A LITERARY COLUMN
nally pursuing a woman who existed
largely irt"my own imagination, but I
was becoming more absorbed by the
romance of her discussion than by
the thrill of actually meeting her.
I waited in Cafe Paradiso for
three weeks. Jeanette never showed
her face, although we did run into
each other at a party on another
bitterly cold Urbana evening. I nod-
ILLUSTRATION sY KELSEY GRAY ded hello and hid by the absurdly
well-stocked snack table. She swayed BY ETHAN SCHILLER
STAFF WRITER
I met Jeanette a year ago at my bris. The
event dedicated to my severed foreskin was
small and lively, and Jeanette and I flirted
throughout. Nothing came of the chemistry
we established-the recent scar tissue ren­
dering me entirely incapable-but by the
time I had left my frigid prairie hometown
the next morning, the idea (and accompa­
nying fiction) of Jeanette was planted in my
brain.
The fiction grew throughout the follow­
ing year, nourished by frequent visits to her
Facebook page. I discovered a Jeanette who
was obsessed with "The X Files," a Jeanette
who had had the same Amelie haircut since
2007 and a Jeanette who had a very discour­
aging record of leaving loud, self-obsessed
college boys writhing in her dust.
I, of course, was not discouraged. The
Jeanette that I was compiling existed in my
head, and she could not have been more
attracted to me. It was with this powerful
self-assurance that I returned to Urbana, Ill.,
a year later, to ask everyone I knew about
the whereabouts of my elusive Venus.
I was beginning a time-honored tradi­
tion of seduction and narration. By day
I waited for her at Cafe Paradiso, a hip
watering hole that I knew she frequented;
by night my friends and I would spectate
loudly on the day's attempt, eager to alter
the tedium of winter break. I was nomi-in a corner, performing questionable hip­
jerks to the music. We didn't speak to each
ocher; my initially fluttering heart slowed to
accommodate the tortilla chips I was shov­
ing down my throat. The transposition of
fantasy over reality was uncomfortable-the
Jeanette I saw dancing poorly to "Gangnam
Style" did not measure up to the goddess I
had invented. No one could.
The faces of my hometown swim in an
ocean of consistency. They are all known,
familiar, roseate from cheap grain alcohol
and walks in the prairie. We sometimes
make strides towards novelty, but each
vacation returns to the saine inebriation, the
same bitingly numb extremities. The devo­
tion I afforded my imaginary Jeanette was
not native to that Urbana routine.
Jeanette was an essential piece of Port­
land: a Bon crush, a chance encounter at a
party that you never cease mythologizing.
By grafting that process to familiar, empty
Urbana, I was holding on to a part of LC,
a part of all college life, that I didn't want
to leave behind. Now winter break is over,
and the Jeanettes are out in force at Lewis
& Clark. I'll be on the sidelines, preparing
for another round of ill-advised, imaginary
courtships.
Interested in sharing your creative fiction?
Email piolog@gmail.com by Sunday to have
your sumbission considered. Please keep your
stories to 400 words. FEBRUARY 8, 2013
Poet Williams
shares work at LC
BY BECCA LILL
STAFF WRITER
According to Detroit-based
poet Crystal Williams, who had a
poetry reading at Lewis & Clark
on Thursday Jan. 31, we are all
nasty pieces of work. But all hope
is not lost; Williams turns to
poetry to understand how to be a
better person.
"I very deeply believe in the
power of language to transform
our lives," she says. At the reading,
Williams read and discussed po­
ems from her first book, Troubled
Tongues, and in her newest collec­
tion, Detroit As Barn.
A graduate of New York
Universiry and Cornell, Williams
now teaches at Reed College,
where she also serves as dean for
institutional diversity. She has
been recognized in publications
including Court Green, Tin House
and The American Poetry Review
and has been invited to participate
in the International Poetry Festival
in Nicaragua.
Williams' poetry is raw, honest
and impossible to ignore. She
tackles issues such as poverty,
greed and the pain of death with a
very realistic approach to human
suffering. "People say things will
get better ... that's a lie. Things
don't always get better."
It's not all dark, though; Wil­
liams also writes about beauty,
patience and the capacity for
human compassion. According to
Williams, aspiring writers often
fear revealing too much about
themselves and allow this fear to
inhibit their creativity. Urging the
poets in the room to overcome
this inhibition, she says that it is
the job of poets to say what other
people are afraid to say. THE PIONEER LOG
ARTS
Al brief review 9
FIDLAR's talent resounds by track but bleeds cacophony as an album
BY EMMA CARLBLOM
STAFF WRITER
The titles of the songs on Los
Angeles garage-punk band FID­
LAR's self-titled debut LP are tell­
ing. They follow a pattern, mostly
relating to partying or the SoCal
lifestyle. The band's name itself
is an acronym meaning "Fuck It
Dog, Life's a Risk."
They come from a lineage of
earlier punk bands, both musically
and literally. Two of its members
are the sons ofT.S.O.L. keyboard-ist Greg Kuehn. This heritage rings
true stylistically. In FIDLAR, one
can hear the likes of everything
from the Descendants to Blink
182 to the Black Lips.
Many view FIDLAR as the
band that crafts anthems for the
parry. They do sing about getting
wasted with great enthusiasm.
However, songs like "No Waves"
and "Wake Bake Skate" convey
these themes with undertones
of apathy and disillusionment.
FIDLAR is proficient at turning
songs into a oompletely sensory experience and it works for them.
Translating their individual You­
Tube hits onto an album does not
resonate as smoothly.
This album has too many holes
and too much repetition to call
it truly enjoyable. A song with
catchy group vocals and surfy
guitar chords will flow to another
song with catchy group vocals and
surfy guitar chords. By the end,
one feels a little worn out. The
duds overcloud the standouts. It
also does not include some of their
best songs, like "Oh" and "West
A new take on the Cold War's post-apocolyptic scene
BY TAICH PANZER
STAFF WRITER
Threads, a recent film by
director Mick Jackson, depicts
the honest story of a large-scale
nuclear conflict. There are no win­
ners. All systems fail. Civilization
is helplessly tossed back millen-
nia in spite of all the government
propaganda about surviving and
rebuilding after a nuclear war. This
is the essence of Threads.
Jackson shoves the viewer into
the shoes of a middle class couple in Sheffield, England against rhe
backdrop of a growing conflict
between the U.S. and U.S.S.R. in
Iran. Before anyone in the city of
Sheffield can (~ven comprehend
the stakes of this conflict, two
nuclear warheads explode in the
Middle East, setting Sheffield, a
synecdoche for all of England, on
an irreversible and unwarranted
course toward its fare.
Jackson masterfully cultivates
an aura of perseverance with the
side plor of Sheffield's city council
CEO as he executes a series of clandestine and seemingly prudent
moves in the face of impending
nuclear Armageddon. Ironically,
after the nuclear event over Shef­
field and the ensuing firestorm,
trapping the provincial govern­
ment underground, and leaving
the institutions to aide Sheffield's
people who are all utterly over­
whelmed and unprepared for this
devastation.
Perhaps even more disturbing
than the firestorm is the scene
prior, in which a uniformed
marching band plays "God Save Coast."
As a society that has shifted
from long to shorthand, book to
Kindle and album to mp3, we
often value the quick satisfaction
over longer, subtler forms of plea­
sure. FIDLAR reflects this shift.
They know how to create a good
song, but they do not know·how
to create a good album. Maybe
they should leave it that way. May­
be as we shift the way we experi­
ence music, some bands should
focus on creating excellent albums
while others focus on songs.
the Queen" as police arrest the
subversives gathering in protest of
nuclear conflict. This scene carries
a greater weight than even the
protagonist's endurance after the
event; Sheffield's citizens no longer
have a say in determining their
untimely demise.
Threads is not meant to enter­
tain audiences despite its tense and
optimistic plot before the nuking
starts. Threads is meant to jolt
audiences into realizing the hor­
ror and impracticality of nuclear
warfare.
Maybe you/ve heard of them and maybe you havent but 2013 won/t forget them
BY CJ MACLEOD
STAFF WRITER
The champagne bottles have
been popped, the parry hats put
away, "Auld Lang Syne" has been
sung and, just like that, 2012 is
over. Though it may be a new
year, a few truly great records from
the past 12 months keep making
frequent appearances in this snob's
current musical rotation:
1. King Tuff-SIT (Sub Pop
Records)
Brimming with glam-filled
goodness, rhe Sub Pop debut of this Vermont native twists and
turns, weaving between full-blown
rock anthems and spaced our pop
gems. Record,ed in an abandoned
elementary school, the record is
full of the tripped-out kookiness
that can only be achieved by being
recorded in a haunted building.
2. Mean Jeans -On Mars
(Dirtnap Records)
Equal parts drunken mess and
pop genius, this record earns a
well-deserved slot in the top five
of 2012. After releasing their first
LP in 2009, these local Porrland­
ers hit rhe woodshed in a big way. While their first record was packed
full of fast-paced, Ramones-tinged
three-chord burners, the 2012
offering from Mean Jeans finds the
band's emphasis placed squarely
on melody and songwriting. With
songs so shout-along-able, On
Mars makes us all pine for the
adventures we never had in space.
3. Ty Segall -Twins (Drag City
Records)
The third and final full length
offering from Segall in 2012,
Twins surprisingly proved to be
the strongest offering from the Ty
since 2010's Melted. Psych-leaning in the best way possible, this
record seamlessly transitions be­
tween freaked-out psych jams and
wire-y, angular guitar songs, built
on walls of feedback. By far the
loudest of Segall's 2012 offerings,
Twins proved that the only thing
needed to craft catchy pop is a
guitar, a fuzz pedal and a youthful
exuberance for noise.
These are just a few selections, see the
rest of Cf's picks o/2012 at
www.piolog.com!
KLC SHOW OF THE \\lEEK ADVERTISEMENT
BY KATHERINE JERNIGAN
STAFF WRITER
Tune into KLC radio on Friday
afternoons, and you may find
the eccentric Webster Rasmussen ('13) livening up the airwaves with
his show, "Webster?" The name
was born out of a communica-
tion failure and may change to
"Esoterica and Shit." During his
hour, Rasmussen plays a variety of tunes peppered with basic music
information, occasional guests
and, as Rasmussen described it,
"lots of profanity."
"It features all kinds of music
really," he said. "There's a wee bit
of contemporary music on it but it
mostly digs back imo kind of hies
from the ?O's ... some rock, some
blues. There's pretty much always.
a song by the Flaming Lips and
Tom Waits. Ir's kind of an eclectic
combination of scuff," Rasmus-
sen said. "Occasionally I do really
exciting things like read obituaries
to Reed College over DeVocchKa."
Rasmussen has a position on
the KLC Boa.rd handling the
miscellanea of the station. He
explains, "Some of the stuff chat
we gee in from various bands chat
are sending us demos and scuff
I'm like, 'This guy's pretty pimp. I
should put this up here."'
Whether Rasmussen is eating
Twix on air or head banging, his
show is always entertaining. He
says, "It's pretty much where the
party's at, mostly because it's a
collection of weird wild scuff chat I
like to groove to. Ir's nothing more
than that."
Listen to "Vv'ebster?" Fridays at
2p.m. Delivery & Carryout
In Portland Metro • 503-292·2222 ------------- -------------, ,, ' • Add Wings • Bii:,, Pinntr Box 1
• s5 : 'J s1999
Add 8 Bone-Out Wings
to any Pizza Purchase
SlmorelorBone·lnWln111.. 2 Medium 1-Topping Pizzas+
5 Breadsticks + Your Choice of 1 Side
SIMSlnclude:IPanofPasta,10rderor8Wl11QS,
OR4StufftdPluaRolltf'S. ♦ •
10 THE PIONEER LOG
SPORTS FEBRUARY 81 2013
Women's basketball headed to championship
LC V. WHITWORJ1fl
52-53 rtAts.
PHOTO BY HANNA GRANNIS
Tayler Wang ('14) looks for an open teammate in a recent
home game. Wang is currently fifth in scoring in the North­
West Conference, averaging 12.5 points per contest. BY ROCKY MCNEFF
SPORTS EDITOR
The Pioneers played only con­
ference games during the winter
break; since then, they have won
10 games and lost rwo. The team
is currently leading the Northwest
Conference and are 19-2 for the
season. The Pios' victory against
Linfield officially secured the team
a spot in rhe Northwest Confer­
ence Tournament, which will take
place on_Feb. 21.
The Pioneers have worked very
hard to get where they are right
now and were ranked as high as
fifth in the nation this season.
Since their loss against Whitman,
the women have dropped to sixth
but have high hopes of regaining
another stellar ranking.
Along with the Pioneers, the
George Fox Bruins have made the
list, taking 18th place thus far.
The Bruins are by far the Pioneers'
largest opponent and biggest rival;
however, the Pios were able to LGV. WHITMAN
61-52
defeat the Bruins rwice in confer­
ence play. With this in mind, the
Pioneers were still not ready to
give up as they played rwo confer­
ence games this past weekend. The
women traveled to Washington
to face teams from Whitman and
Whitworth. Saturday's match
against the Whirworth Pirates
ended in a 53-52 loss for the Pio­
neers, with a heartbreaking defeat
at the buzzer.
Sunday came with the loom­
ing presence of a game against
Whitman, to whom the Pioneers
had lost earlier in the season.
However, the Pios put up a huge
fight against their opponents and
outscored rhem 61-52. This win
has fueled the Lewis & Clark
women to make their mark on
their upcoming tournament op­
ponents. Sophomore Casey Zinn
('15) talks about this season with
great enthusiasm and promise.
"Coming in, we knew it would
be difficult, but we are a lot faster
this year, and teams just can't keep up," she said. The advantage to
which Zinn refers is evident in
the games the team has played;
tiring out their opponents is key
and seems to be a very consistent
strategy for the Pioneers. "We
need to keep playing strong in
order to beat everyone else,"
Zinn explained.
With four more games
under their belt, the women
are confident in their ability to
come back with wins. Except for
one game on Feb. 9, the rest of
the conference games are away,
which could pose a challenge for
the Pioneers.
The Northwest Conference
is a close one, and everyone is
fighting for a spot in rhe national
tournament, but LC has worked
hard enough to secure a place in
rhe conference championship.
This Friday, the Pioneers face
Puget Sound in Tacoma, Wash.
and come home to play their last
game on the Hill against Wil­
lamette on Saturday.
Prioritize this! tabloid headlines dominate sports
BY PETER MELLING
STAFF WRITER
The sports media has a funny
idea of what makes good news and
reporting. Most of the rime, the
stories are worthwhile and have
a genuine significance to sports
and society. However, there are
rimes when these morals break
down, and instead of disseminat­
ing quality stories, drivel gets
reported. In roughly one month
of 2013, rwo such pieces of drivel
got hammered into the heads of
rhe public: Lance Armstrong's use
of PEDs and Manti Te' o's fake
girlfriend.
The fervor over Lance Arm­
strong and his lies about his use
of performance-enhancing drugs
is the result of the media putting
their priorities in the wrong order.
Why should Armstrong be pres­
sured to admit that he lied in his
interview widi Oprah instead of a
press release where he avoids the
problem inherent with an inter­
view (i.e. telling more lies and dig­
ging himself deeper)? Also, thanks
to the pressure that the media has
created, he is now being sued by
several entities (such as the US
Postal Service) for falsifying infor­
mation in contracts. Why should
money go to the further pursuit
of a man who has already admit­
ted to lying and received a ban
from cycling? Why should people care about this beyond a simple
confession from Armstrong? The
media believes that many stories
can be created from the non-issue
of one player admitting to the use
of steroids, so Armstrong receives
topbilling on Sports Center and
CNN over more pressing and
complex issues, such as the then­
current NHL lockout and player
safety in the NFL (especially after
several more cases of CTE have
been reported amongst former
players). This is sickening, but not
as sickening as another example of
the media's skewed ideas of what
constitutes a story.
Manti Te' o and the saga of his
fake girlfriend is a more egregious
example of this practice. This
scandal is so ridiculous that the
whole thing can be summed up
in rwo sentences. Notre Dame's
Te' o played through the season in
memory of his grandmother and
his girlfriend. The girlfriend, it
turned out, only amounted to fake
Facebook and Twitter pages. The
media should have not been able
to find any meat to make a story
out of it, but they did. Questions
ranged from how much Notre
Dame knew about the girlfriend
to the sexuality ofTe'o and the
creator of the fake girlfriend.
Meanwhile, a far more real
scandal took place recently within
the football program of Notre
Dame. A young woman from St. Mary's College, Lizzy Seeberg,
alleged she was raped by a Notre
Dame football player. After telling
the police, players sent her threat­
ening texts, and she committed
suicide. otre Dame responded
by telling the police that they
would perform an internal
investigation, which consisted of
a simple interview of the accused
and digging up dirt on Seeberg.
While this story did receive
national a.rrention when it first
surfaced six months ago, it barely
got a fract:ion of the attention that
Te'o's fake girlfriend received.
It is understandable that large
college football programs want to
avoid stories like these after what
happened at Penn State, but it is
ridiculous that a fake girlfriend
should receive more press than
an alleged. rape victim. There
are many more questions that
could be asked of the program iri
regards to the rape, and it could
create many more questions about
how far football programs will go
to protect their players (read: as­
sets) from the media and the law.
Instead, we -have trivial stories
about how a player was pranked.
Pulitzer-winning stuff!
Ultimately, these stories should
not matter to the level that the
media thinks they should. These
are tabloid excursions at best, not
symbols of widespread scandal in
their respective sports. \ f _,, I
---\ l•l;I
1,
~
l)
D
ILLUSTRATION BY CAMILLE $HUMANN
"I'm a flawed character .. .! viewed this
situation as one big lie that I repeated a
lot of times." -Lance Armstrong
"What I went through was real. You
know the feelings, the pain, the sorrow,
that was all real and that's something
that I can't fake." -Manti Te' o FEBRUARY 8, 2013 THE PIONEER LOG
SPORTS
Senior Spotlight:
Dexter Pearce
BY GRACE MEHLHAFF
STAFF WRITER
Heading into a rough away
weekend against first-ranked
Whitworth and third-ranked
Whitman, Dexter Pearce ('13), a
senior guard for the men's basket­
ball team, was feeling confident.
"The season got off to a r_ough
start but we are right where we
want to be," says Pearce of his
team's season.
As an individual player, Pearce
is also right where he wants to be:
on the court with his team, after
having finally overcome the many
injuries he has endured over the
years. He says, "The fact that I'm
healthy for chis season makes it
incomparable to the rest." Pearce
has had three knee surgeries since
he's been at Lewis & Clark, but
he feels he is finding his rhythm
and beginning to make significant
contributions to the team's success.
The Portland-native finds his PHOTO BY HANNAH PRINCE
inspiration in his faith and says
he prays before every game. "As
strange as it sounds," he says,
"I never pray for victory. It just
doesn't feel right praying for
another team to lose." Instead,
Pearce prays as a way of giving Dexter's
Quiel<~ Facts
_ Points per game:
11.6
Free throw percentage:
91 percent
Rebounds per game:
2.1
3-point percentage:
48 percent
Fielf Goal percentage:
SO percent
thanks for the opportunity to play
the game that he loves, which
seems fitting after all of the inju­
ries he has dealt with.
After transferring from Frank
Phillips College as a sophomore,
Pearce became a political science Favorite Grub:
Breakfast foods
major at LC. He has plans to go Favorite Color:
to law school after graduation, ul-
timately wanting to join the fight Blue
against human trafficking.
Pearce has high hopes for the
men's basketball program in the
years to come. "We're graduat­
ing some great players this year
but we're turning the keys over to
some guys who are ready." Pearce
believes the team can do some-Favorite Superpower:
Ability to freeze time
"There's always so
much to do and so little
thing special this season, thereby time. Problem solved.1'
setting up the program for a con-
ference championship next year. 11
Pios.leave
Wash. winless
PHOTO BY HANNA GRANNIS
Connor Freeberg ('14) attacks the rim in a home win against
Linfield earlier in the season.
BY ANTHONY RUIZ
SPORTS EDITOR
The Lewis & Clark men's
basketball team struggled on
the road last weekend, losing
two games in as many nights.
On Feb. 1, the Pioneers rook on
conference ieader Whitworth in
Spokane, Wash. The Pios were
defeated 89-70 by the Pirates
(12-0), who remain undefeated
in conference play. While the
Pioneers shot with a 52 percent
success race in the first half,
they could not keep pace with
the Pirates, who rebounded 63
percent of the attempted shots.
In the end, the Pirates outlasted
the Pioneers by pulling down
35 total rebounds, compared to
only 17 for the Pios.
The following night, LC
travelled three hours south to take on the Whitman Mission­
aries. Despite getting a season­
best from guard Dexter Pearce
('13), who scored 24 points, the
Pioneers were again defeated;
the game held a score of 7 4-71.
The contest was a tale of two
halves. Taking a 45-30 lead into
the locker room, the Pios were
outscored 44-26 in the second
half. Once again, second half
shooting hurt the Pioneers.
With four games to go in the
season, the losses put the Pio­
neers (7-5) in fourth place in the
Northwest Conference and only
one game behind Whitman and
George Fox University (8-4).
The Pioneers will hit the
court again this Saturday, Feb.
9, at home against Willamette,
where the seniors will be ready
to play in the Pamplin Sports
Complex for the last time.
Sacramento hit by a ✓✓sonic" boom
A LOOK AT THE KINGS' TRADE TO SEATTLE
BY MADDIE LEE
STAFF WRITER
January was an emotional
month for both Sacramento and
Seattle basketball fans alike. le
started with a premature tweet
claiming chat the Kings were of~
ficially being sold to Seattle, and
it erupted from there.
There were biased accounts
on both sides, with Seattle jour­
nalists confident that the deal
would go through and S;icra­
mento papers highly skeptical.
The sale of the Kings to Chris
Hansen's group was made official
two weeks ago, but the Kings'
move isn't quite inevitable. The NBA Board of Directors
still must approve the deal. It
is currently under consideration
and Sacramento Mayor Kevin
Johnson is putting together a
group to make a counter offer.
He has always been a huge sup­
porter of keeping the Kings in
Sacramento.
For years, the Maloof broth­
ers have been trying to pawn
off their team for a little extra
cash. The sale to Anaheim in
2011 almost went through, bur
the NBA refused to approve
the move. Their decision was
influenced by complaints from
the Lakers and a strong case put
forward by Johnson, who prom­
ised the team a new arena. The trade feels uncomfortably
familiar to Seattle fans as well.
The parallels between the cur­
rent Kings deal and the Seattle
Supersonics' move to Oklahoma
City are certainly unnerving.
Back in 2008, the dreams of
Seattle Supersonics fans were
bitterly shattered when Clay
Bennett moved the Sonics to
Oklahoma City.
It was a slimy ordeal. After
buying the team from Howard
Schultz in 2006, Bennett prom­
ised he would keep the Sonics
in Seattle. Obviously, it didn't
quite :work out that way.
Seattle, like Sacramento,
needed a. new arena; Bennett,
like the Maloofs, decided an arena in another city would do
just as well.
Seattle and Sacramento
both have dedicated fan bases
subjected to the whims of un­
reliable owners. The images of
Sacramento protests look similar
to those taken five years ago in
Seattle, and it's impossible as a
Sonics fan not to feel at least a
twinge of empathy.
Seattle fans have fought long
and hard to bring the NBA back
to their city. A new team is well
deserved, especially after having
to suffer through watching OKC
take the Western Conference
finals last year.
On the other hand, the hy­
po~risy is hard to ignore. Does the pain Seattle has experienced
over losing the Sonics really
justify stealing the Kings from
Sacramento?
Before we jump the gun,
however, we must consider that
there are still logistics and for­
malities that need to be worked
out before the NBA makes its
decision in April. The Kings
still owe the city money from
a 1997 loan, they need to file
for relocation and Seattle must
appease conflict over the plans
for the new arena in the SODO
district.
Despite the outcome of the
difficult decision, hearts will be
broken. We just can't be certain
of whose for a few more months. • • • • ♦ • • •
12 THE PIONEER LOG
BACKDOOR February 8, 2013
You Caught My Eye
You: Like beer.
Me: Wanna be drunk on you.
You: Prerending every YCME is about you.
Me: Making sure rhis one actually is.
You: Awkward.
Me: More awkward.
The Awkward: Multiplying, nor cancelling.
You: Cute drummer boy.
Me: Wondering what else you know how to hit.
You: Space scienrisr.
Me: Wanna ride your moonbeam.
D
D
Jobs
Kids
Want
... in the FUTURE!
Firemen aren't gonna be an option
in the future, because either: A) all
firemen on the planet will have been
replaced with robots, or B) the entire
world will be on fire all the time,
making them ob,solete.
Policemen? Same basic issue. In
the future we'll either be living as
slaves under a robot overlord that
started as the head of the police
department, or the only thing left on
the planet will be crazed murderers,
thus rendering cops useless.
James Bond will n t be
remembered after Skyfa/L When he
stops drinking martinis, the world
stops caring, so he's not going to be
an option for future kids ...
Ice-cream men will hopefully
have been abolished, because of
those damn tinkly trucks, and
"train conducting" is already an
embarrassing job. I mean, planes.
Come on.
Batman and Spi man will always
be cool, but in the future, technology
will allow anybody to do even the
most complicated super-maneuver
imaginable ... so kids aren't going to
care.
So. Great. Now I'm depressed.
Our grandchildren will be miserable,
because at this point, I can't think of
any job existing in the future other
than "nuclear shit collector."
✓ You: Honie &om New Hampshire.
Me: Hooked.
You: Have a Fluttershy sricker on your mailbox.
Me: Wishing you weren'r such a Rariry.
You: Changed your relationship status on Facebook.
Me: lnreresred In: You. You: Girl who does the
crossword in the Trail
Room during lunch every
day.
You: Wearing a hat with cat-like ears.
Me: Meee-ow Me: Always the next table
over. You're too cute.
The original missed connection. Submit to youcaughtmyeyeLC.blogspot.com
0
Now without "The"!
Rich Kid waiting for Meal
hoverboard thinks • fans for Real Life
other stud1ents
are waiting for
hoverboards, too
Boy, oh boy, oh boy! Just got the yellow slip in my
MSC, my hoverboard is here! I sure wish this line wasn't
so long. WHY IS THE LINE ALWAYS SO LONG?! Calm
yourself, Percival! Calm yourself. You'll have to wait for
your hoverboard like everyone else.
M-S-C. Mmmmmmmmssscah. Mmscah. Why don't
we call them mmscahs? I should ask the clerk. Oh! The
sort of attractive girl is working. Boy, is that girl bad with
faces. She never recognizes me! I guess I am a pretty
typical customer. Hah! Remember when I got my dune
buggy shipped here, and they marked the slip as ... large?
• Oh, mercy!
Man, I guess I'm not the only one who s·aw that CNN
special. Everybody's getting a hoverboard! Even that fat
kid! I wonder if they have a weight limit. I guess we'll
find out soon. Oh! I should make sure to mark mine, so I
don't grab someone else's outside the Bon.
Look at this guy. Holding his two slips like he's some
kind of big shot. What is he even gonna use the second
hoverboard for? Now that's extravagance. And think,
there's probably some poor kid in Mexico, Indonesia or
Vancouver, WA, who'll caddy at the country club for
months saving up because his family can only afford to
go in halfsies on such purchases. That poor chap will go
online, only to find that the hoverboards are sold out.
Because of this guy. Mr. Two Hoverboards.
WHY WON'T THIS LINE MOVE?!? Hey! Sort of
attractive clerk! Nobody cares that you and this ... friend
of yours are in the same Intro to Sociology. Maybe you
should have taken Intro to Doing Your Job instead! Quit
asking him to lend you his book. Yours hasn't come, you
say? Hah. Books don't simply "come',' you idiot. They
don't have legs, you know. You must walk (or hoveroard)
to the bookstore like everyone else and ma~e the
bookstore clerk retrieve them for you while you shop the
Lewis & Clark branded accoutrements for mother! Don't
you realize we're all waiting for hoverboards here!?
Schleg
noun
1. A short leg.
Damn that girl got a
shleg.
2. A penis.
Damn that girl got a
shleg. Greetings to all,
I am David Bonheur, Chief Bone at Bone Appetite
Industries. I understand that Lewis & Clark is full of
sensible sophomores and juniors who are generally
good at basic decision-making. Accordingly, I
understand that most of you are going to live off­
campus next year. But please, consider a continuation
of your on-campus living experience. I know you've
been doing it for two years and are sick of it, but,
allow me to entice you with food.
As an experienced man of bones, I have
formulated a new meal plan, which is unquestionable
in its desirability. I call it the "Never Stop Eating" meal
plan.
This meal plan is only available to rising
upperclassmen and is effective immediately
upon entering any Bone establishment
(Bonestablishment™). There is no limit to the number
of times you can eat, and in fact, we want you to
eat as much as possible. To help you, we will hire a
professional counselor to encourage you to continue
eating, even when you're full. They will appeal to your
character as a liberal arts college student by saying
things like "think about Africa." You will also have a
troupe of child servants, whom we call "Little Bones."
The Little Bones TM can fetch you food at the wave
of your hand. They also respond to basic commands,
such as "sit," "dance" and "attack." And don't worry!
The Little Bones are fed organic, vegan diets, so the
operation is completely sustainable. Again, do NOT
worry about the Little Bones. I treat them adequately.
The Backdoor is a work of humor and fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental. The Backdoor is created by Isaac, Caitlin, Kevin, David, Justin & Jake.
If vou're readinq this off the floor of a bathroom, make sure to wash your hands. For more hygiene tips, contact the editor at jakesimonds@lclark.edu.