Lewis & Clark College

The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College’s Student-Run Newspaper

Volume 100, No. 5

Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper

Pioneer Log Staff

2023-04-14

text/pdf

Text; Newspaper

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Lewis & Clark College: Pioneer Log / Mossy Log

By SUMMER DAE BINDER
& ALEX DENUZZO
CYBERCRIMINALS Vice Society
claimed responsibility for the
ransomware attack against Lewis
& Clark, leaking personal data to the
dark web. Soon, the college plans to
issue formal legal notices to those whose
private data was compromised.
On March 3, all three campuses
experienced complete network outages
that were the result of a widespread
cyberattack on the college’s computer
systems. On March 31, the Executive
Council sent an email to the community
revealing that it was a ransomware
attack in which hackers encrypted files
and demanded the college pay a sum to
decrypt them. Based on advice from law
enforcement and the college’s external
experts, the college declined to pay the
ransom.
The update also stated that the
cybercriminals uploaded personal
information to the dark web. The
leaked data includes limited numbers
of student passports, academic records,
Title IX investigation documents and
sensitive employee information for
almost every employee on campus.
The employment data leaked includes
social security numbers, dates of birth,
addresses, employee numbers and wage
information.
To ensure security, the college
has offered students, staff and faculty
free access to credit monitoring. LC
community members can also place a
fraud alert and a security freeze on their
credit.
On April 3, news articles began
circulating claiming that large amounts of student and employee data had
been published online. A day later,
the Executive Council responded in
an email: “The information reported,
some of which has been inaccurate, has
understandably caused some heightened
concern within our community … there
is no evidence that the information involved in this incident has been used
for identity theft or financial fraud.” This
is no longer the case.
According to a statement sent out
by the Executive Council on March 31,
“the cybercriminals responsible for the
incident now claim to have published
a limited amount of Lewis & Clark data on a ‘dark web’ website maintained by
the threat actors. Our external cyber
forensic firm is helping us to investigate
this claim. We are currently working to
retrieve the information, at which time
we will conduct a thorough review.”
Many people await answers
as to what information has been exposed. According to Vice President
of Communications Lori Friedman,
the college is currently working with
external experts to tediously analyze all
the leaked documents. This process is
lengthy and time consuming.
“Our obligation is really to
communicate with people when there
is sort of confirmed and complete
information and our external experts are
going through this very, very carefully and
making sure that everything is verified,”
Freidman said. “Communication is
really best done at the end of the process
to anyone, to all of those who had
private data compromised as opposed
to reaching out person by person which
could be unverified and unconfirmed
information.”
On April 3, Political Science Professor
John Holzwarth received two alerts
indicating that someone had applied for
a Zales credit card in his name.
“I got a message Monday morning
from two different agencies … that
said there has been a credit inquiry
on your account,” Holzwarth said. “I
went (online) and … it turns out that
somebody applied for a credit card (in
my name) at either Zales jewelry store
or online.”
On the LC College Parents and
Families Facebook group, there has been
growing concern about the impact of
the attack. One member anonymously
posted that they received a suspicious
call with an LC caller ID. Comments
to the post claim that other parents
and family members of students have
received similar phone calls from a
Portland-area number.
“Cyberatta Ck” Continued on page 3.
Vol. 100 No. 5 FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023 www.piolog.com
OPINION
Mission to Mars
Should we keep spending money to put
someone out into space or should we
focus on Earth’s issues instead?
PAGE 5FEATURES
Michele at the Bon
Bon Appétit’s Michele Martinez talks
family, career and community.
PAGE 7ARTS
Student Recitals
Music recitals are a great way to enjoy
live music and support your peers.
Check out our guide for upcoming
dates. PAGE 10SPORTS
Athletes celebrate DIII week
Athletes discuss the values and
drawbacks of competing at a NCAA DIII
school.
PAGE 11THE MOSSY POD
Ambassador Mushingi
United States Ambassador to Angola
visited campus and sat down with
co-hosts DJ Smith and Negasi
Brown to discuss his career.
By MAYA MAZOR-HOOFIEN
PASSOVE R, A major Jewish holiday,
was celebrated this year from
sundown on April 5 to nightfall on
April 13. Across campus, people gathered
to celebrate, with events as diverse as the
Jewish community taking part.
Passover begins on the fifteenth day
of the Hebrew month, Nissan, but the
dates of the holiday shift on the Gregorian
calendar. The Hebrew calendar includes
a leap month every few years to keep
holidays in the appropriate season, so
Passover always falls in the spring.
Passover is a holiday rich in symbolism
and significance in Judaism. Associate
Professor of Anthropology Oren Kosansky
explained the purpose of the holiday.
“Passover is a Jewish holiday that
for many, certainly American Jews,
is centered around a couple of meals
called a Seder,” Kosansky said. “It’s the
commemoration of the Israelites’ freedom
from slavery as told in the Torah, or
the Hebrew Bible. It’s one of the major
festivals in the Jewish calendar.”
Rabbi Eli Citron of Chabad on Campus
SW Portland, colloquially known as Jewish
& Clark, said that symbolism is rich in the
Seder dinner. The dinner is typically held on the first night of Passover in Israel and
on the first two nights everywhere else.
“(The Seder) is meant to enable us to
relive the slavery and freedom,” Rabbi
Citron said via direct message. “This
includes eating bitter herbs to experience
the bitterness of the enslavement, eating
Matzah, a flatbread, to remind us that we
left Egypt so quickly that our bread did not
have time to rise, and drinking 4 cups of
wine to celebrate our newfound freedom.”
Lewis & Clark’s Chabad, which
serves LC and the greater area, is new
to LC this year. Chabad is a global
organization of Orthodox Hasidic Judaism with synagogues, campus
groups and other programs working to
spread the movement to Jews around
the world. The new LC chapter of
Chabad on Campus has quickly found
a secure place in the community.
Around 40 students attended Chabad’s
Passover events, with more attending
their Shabbat dinners and other holiday
programming.
“This community building has been
student-led,” Rabbi Citron said. “When
students come over and have a positive
experience, they tell their friends about
it. So much of the community has been
built just by word of mouth.”
Celebrations of the holiday
commenced throughout the LC Jewish
community, taking different forms for
different people.
The largest on-campus celebration
was a Seder thrown by PDX Hillel, the
Portland chapter of Hillel International
that serves LC, Portland State University
and other campuses in the area.
Hillel’s seder had around 80 people
in attendance with a crowd of LC
students, professors and some students
from nearby colleges.
“Community ” Continued on page 3.Cybercriminals leak sensitive data, LC responds
Jewish population observes Passover,
celebrates with Seder plates, eventsFoSA returns with
fully in-person events
Concerns grow regarding cybersecurity following Executive Council update, college to send legal notices
By NOAH REESE-CLAUSON
THIS YEAR’S Festival of Scholars
and Artists (FoSA) is being held
today and will feature 27 different
events running from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.
The festival is fully in-person this year,
which is different from recent years as
it has been partially virtual since 2019.
Associate Professor of French
Isabelle DeMarte, Associate Professor
of International Affairs Kyle Lascurettes
and Administrative Assistant Margaret
Salstrom were all a part of the FoSA
Coordinating Committee that put on
the event.
Lascurettes and DeMarte
collaborated to compile the program for this year’s festival. They tried to
put presentations together that have
a common theme, but come from
different departments, which worked
well for this year’s material.
“This year the program was put
together really swimmingly,” DeMarte
said. “The way presentations had
affinities in their descriptions allowed
Kyle to group them together in a way
that is just amazing.”
This organizational style aligns
with the spirit of the liberal arts, by
showcasing the variety of academic
projects students produce.
“(The Festival of Scholars) really
features the interdisciplinary nature
of the liberal arts, I think in a really
magnificent way,” DeMarte said. “It
shows the diversity of research, of work
(and) … creative work that’s being done
across campus.”
Outside of programming, Salstrom
typically carries the bulk of the FoSA
load, taking on various administrative
and communicative responsibilities.
This year, she did even more as she was
unable to find a student worker to help
her out.
“StudentS ” Continued on page 3.LEO BERNSTEIN NEWMAN/THE MOSSY LOG
After IT rebuilt a significant majority of the LC systems, students were able to use mealswipes and flex points as usual.
MOSSY LOG ARCHIVES
FoSA lets students share their research.J FRANK/ THE MOSSY LOGBy SUMMER DAE BINDER
THE 61ST International Affairs
Symposium began on April 10
running through April 12 with
the title of “Functions of Fear: Conflict,
Compliance, Chaos.”
The symposium is the oldest
student-run symposium in the nation
and the only exclusively debate format
at Lewis & Clark. This year’s symposium
is co-chaired by Eliana Essman ’25 and
Loren Pawelski ’24. The symposium is
all student-run under the advising of
Professor of International Affairs Bob
Mandel.
The theme, which focuses on
fear, covers multiple topics — from
the justifiability of bans on artificial
intelligence to legalization of
prostitution as a means to combat
human trafficking. The committee
developed the theme after discovering
possibilities in the post-pandemic world
as well as many other global conflicts.
“It was interesting at the start because
we were trying to direct the theme
throughout the speakers by seeing what
speakers are really amazing and we want
to have them and then build it off of that
because it was hard to find so many good
speakers that have that in common,”
symposium committee member Hashim
Salman ’25 said. “Phobias was suggested
and then maybe panic, maybe not but
fear was a sweet spot in the middle where
some debates can be as extreme and we
can talk about panic and there is still room
for phobias. It is a very nice spectrum we
can go around.”
The committee went through a
meticulous process of selecting speakers,
enabling them to each contenders’ stance.
This allowed the committee and co-chairs
to have a conversation with potential
speakers beforhand to ensure they will
be able to actively debate what they write
in academic papers. It was important
for the committee to understand what
information, research and appeal
speakers can bring to the symposium.
“Something that Loren and I have
been doing that is different from past
years is that we have been hopping on
Zoom calls with every speaker that has
been accepted to just talk out their stance
with them and make sure yes, they have
written papers, articles and have done
Ted talks on it, but we want to hear it
directly from them, their stance,” Essman
said. “We have had these conversations
with them which I think hopefully is going
to help make the event go smoothly.”
The evening debate on April 10 was
between the Heritage Foundation’s
senior legal fellow and manager of the
National Security Law Program Cully
Stimson, and executive director and a founding member of the Whistleblowing
International Network in Glasgow,
Scotland Anna Myers.
“The question that we had was whether
or not whistleblowers’ protections should
be extended, but more particularly to
unauthorized disclosures and that term
really only gets used in the national
security sphere,” Myers said. “National
security and whistleblowing, like public
access to information and national
security, tend to be seen as kind of
moving in the opposite direction that
they are completely incompatible. My
position in the field of whistleblowing, law
and protection for sort of twenty years.
Both from working with civil society
and nonprofit organizations on what
whistleblowing means and if you are
going to protect people who speak up in
the interest of others, how do you do
that in a way that legally makes sense?”
Every year the symposium committee
hosts new speakers. The symposium is
the only debate-style format at LC and is
meant to spark controversy. It has been
praised by The Wall Street Journal, The
Chronicle of Higher Education and The
New York Times.
“I did a little due diligence because
I have never heard of it before and
contacted some people on the West Coast
at Berkeley and said yes, it was a very
good school,” Myers said. “I think his
nephew came here. I think I was also just
surprised of the caliber of the symposium.
Just in order to make sure this was a really
good thing to do, I did a little checking
and heard lots of great things.”
For Pawelski, the formation of
debates was the greatest intellectual
challenge of the symposium.
“Our symposium is an event focused
on controversy, real controversies,”
Pawelski said. “Not trying to strawman
one side of the debate. Speaking with
our potential debaters and making
sure they disagree on something and
forming our questions to relate to that
disagreement is very challenging.”
Another component to the symposium
is the undergraduate journal of
international and cross-cultural issues,
The Meridian. The Meridian is co-edited
by Cas Mulford ’23 and Lia Dimitrova
’23. The journal is the oldest student-
run publication on campus dating back
to 1981.
“The symposium is a really cool
way for a focus to come to campus,
specifically on International Affairs and
cross-cultural issues. I think the journal
complements it in a way whereas the
debates are happening externally, we
are bringing people on the campus to
talk about issues,” Mulford said. “The
journal is a wider way for students to be
involved in the symposium, whether that is having something published or being
able to tangibly read other peers’ work, I
think brings a whole other dynamic to the
symposium that reinforces the student-run
aspect of the symposium and the Meridian.”
The Meridian includes entries from
other disciplines outside of International
Affairs, such as music in the Middle
East and North African region and
anti-cultism in the late socialist and
early republic Russia. The journal also
features student photography.
The emphasis of confronting
different viewpoints is what the
symposium runs on.
“The IA symposium is not for you
to come into a place and reaffirm your
views,” Salman said. “It is more to have
a person who is reaffirming your views
and another person who is against and
for you to be like ‘oh! There is a rational
thing that could go against my ideas.’”
The symposium is not solely
concerned with International Affairs
and includes moderators from various
departments. Committee Member Syd
Brown ’25 was excited for the Twitter
Against Tyrant debate moderated by
Rhetoric and Media studies Professor
Mitch Reyes. The debate was between
New York University Professor of Politics,
Joshua Tucker and co-director of the
Center for Studies on Media and Society
at San Andrés University in Buenos Aires,
Argentina Eugenia Mitchelstein. The
debate was centered around how digital
media affects non-democratic regimes.
“I am a Rhetoric and Media studies
minor, so I am really interested in this
one,” Brown said. “I think we were just
trying to find debates that were touching
on different debates that were also trying
to touch on different departments just
trying to find a wide appeal on campus.”
The International Affairs symposium
intends to challenge views and give
nuanced explanations for hot topics. All
members of the community and the public
are welcome to attend the symposium.FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
NEWS 2
News Editors
Summer Dae Binder
Ava FrisonArts Editors
J Frank
Paige A. Anderson
Sports Editors
Cole Whitaker
Claire BacoOpinion Editors
Corrina Chan
Rosalie ZuckermannFeatures Editors
Leila Diaz
Maya Mazor-Hoofien
The Backdoor Editor
Emma Ford
Faculty Advisor
Molly RobinsonCopy Chief
Asmaa Zaidan
Max Allen Daniel Neshyba-Rowe Halcyon Orvendal Winslow Morgan
Jacques ParkerWeb Manager
Claire BakkeVisuals Editor
Leo Bernstein NewmanEditor-in-Chief
Venus EdlinManaging Editor
Noah Reese-Clauson
Business Manager
Henry Goodier
Social Media Manager
Adelaide Kaiser
Photographers & Illustrators Staff WritersGroup helps students
cope with anxieties
By SUMMER DAE BINDER
IN RESPONSE to student anxiety,
the Counseling Center is hosting a
drop-in Anxiety Reduction Group.
For many students, part of college
is learning to manage mental health.
Academics, relationships, separation
from home and financial worries can be
sources of anxiety for students. According
to the counseling center website, the
anxiety reduction group is an opportunity
to learn how to help manage anxiety
while sharing and discussing ideas and
strategies with others.
The group meets weekly on
Wednesdays in Meeting Room 110 on
the lower level of the Agnes Flanagan
Chapel from 3 - 4 p.m. The group is
open to all Lewis & Clark students and
is designed to accommodate the needs
of any anxiety-related issues.
Counseling Center Staff Therapist
Glenn Jacob-Oviatt currently runs the
group and wants it to be a resource for
students during their studies at LC.
“Thinking about anxiety is certainly
prevalent in our culture, especially
thinking about young adults being
in the process of learning so much,”
said Jacob-Oviatt. “It naturally is
stressful as we are learning more about
ourselves and having our thoughts
and preconceptions about things be
challenged whether through curriculum,
friends, or just further engagement with
the community.”
The group was created for students
to talk about their experiences and
identify how and what anxiety looks
like, as well as develop skills to
overcome these feelings.
“College campuses in the U.S. have
very high rates of anxiety and a lot
of that is helping provide a space for students to talk about their experience
but also to identify and work on skills
that would be helpful for regulating
anxiety, even identifying it,” Jacob-
Oviatt said. “Sometimes it feels
nebulous and difficult to define, so
having that space to slow it down
and share with other people in a safe
environment can be really helpful.”
US college campuses have high
rates of anxiety. According to a 2022
American College Health Association
study, 35% of students said they have
been diagnosed with anxiety. Roughly
77% of this student sample had an
appointment or discussion about
anxiety with a healthcare professional.
The LC group is student-guided
based on the needs of attendees.
Currently, the groups have had a very
small attendance.
“The groups have only been one
or two people per a time. It ends
up being an individually directed
conversation. It can start with
individual experiences of anxiety,
but also loneliness,” Jacob-Oviatt
said. “The group is certainly open
to talking about the context we are
in right now socially in the U.S. and
the world can influence constant
feelings of worry or fear of the state
of the world or fear of our sense of
safety. Hopefully, as more students
are engaged, these topics might come
up naturally.”
When asked what are the main
sources of anxiety for students and the
attendees of the group Jacob-Oviatt
said it was COVID-19.
“COVID and health has been a very
common concern,” said Jacob-Oviatt.
“Other concerns that have come up
have been related to social anxiety and
connecting with people.”
On April 4, red spray paint appeared on the side of Maggie’s Café, presumably protest -
ing its closure and mimicking the Indigenous People’s Day graffiti that appeared earlier
this year. It has since been washed away by campus maintenance. On the building, this
tag reading “Feed Us” appeared, along with a second tag saying “Maggie’s Back.”SUMMER DAE BINDER/THE MOSSY LOG
LEO BERNSTEIN NEWMAN/THE MOSSY LOG
The IA Symposium encourages questions.
LEO BERNSTEIN NEWMAN/THE MOSSY LOGInternational Affairs hosts
annual three day symposium
NEWS 3FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
Continued from page 1.
According to the parent, “The caller
had a very heavy accent and knew my
name, but clearly (had) no sense of time
as it was after office hours. When I asked
what the call was regarding, he fumbled
for a reason and just said my child is
fitting in. I said I didn’t have a child and
he asked me to confirm my name and I
said that wasn’t me. When he hung up I
tried to call the number back and it (did
not) go through.”
On April 11, over two weeks after the
data was published online, the Executive
Council publicly acknowledged that
personal information had been leaked
and used without people’s permission,
writing, “It is now clear that some amount
of personal information belonging to
the members of the LC community is
included in the data … We are aware
that a number of individuals report
discovering that their social security
numbers have been used to fraudulently
file a tax return.”
The Executive Council said they are
moving toward the process of notifying
affected community members about
their increased risk of identity theft.
“Our forensic experts are undertaking
a process that is methodical and
painstaking,” the Executive Council
wrote. “It wasn’t until this week that
they were able to safely and successfully download the illegally stolen data from the
‘dark web.’ They are currently scanning it
for malicious content to ensure it is safe to
analyze. The data will then be thoroughly
and carefully reviewed, and any person whose protected personal information is
found to have been included in the data
will receive a formal legal notice.”
ASB President Madeleine
MacWilliamson has been in contact with administration and members of the
Executive Council, but has received very
little information about the scope of the
cyberattack.
“I have discussed the cyberattacks
with Robin (Holmes-Sullivan) and
Evette (Castillo Clark) in our regularly
scheduled one-on-ones,” MacWilliamson
said via email. “During these meetings,
we discussed the lack of communication
between the institution and students. We
have had several conversations, which
have all been somewhat frustrating
for both parties. I have pushed for
further transparency. To be blunt, I
heard unsatisfying answers—but these
are still the answers we have for now.
The institution wants to provide the
most information possible without
compromising the investigation and
without unnecessarily scaring students.”
According to multiple news sources
including the Oregonian and Government
Technology, ransomware cybercrime
group Vice Society took credit for the
attack. Vice Society, who began operating
in January 2021, have targeted various
institutions, including the San Francisco
Bay Area Rapid Transit and Los Angeles
Unified School District. In 2022, more
than 40 educational organizations,
including 15 in the United States, were
attacked by Vice Society, according to a
report published by Palo Alto Networks.
In addition, foreign government agencies, hospitals, and other services
have had their data compromised by the
group.
Vice Society focuses on getting into
the victim’s system. The group started
as friends who were interested in
pentesting. A “pentest,” better known
as penetration testing, is a simulated
cyber attack against computer systems
to check for exploitable vulnerabilities.
It is believed that the group is Russian-
speaking, according to Wired magazine.
The ransom demanded of the college
is unknown. Ransom letters from Vice
Society typically bribe the victim to
purchase a unique private key. The
criminals also claim they are the only
ones who can give the victim the tool to
recover encrypted files.
Efforts to restore the computer
system on campus have included
changing passwords, restoring the
PioNet-Guest Network system and
providing hotspots around campus.
On March 21, another email from the
Executive Council described that LC
network drives (LC files, H: drive, J:
drive) and Moodle were only accessible
as “read-only” as well as a “thank you”
to over 4,000 students, faculty and staff
that changed their passwords. Services
that remain unavailable include the
VPN (GlobalProtect), Pionet secure wifi
network and WebAdvisor if passwords
have not been changed.Cyberattack leaves LC community uncertain
Students present art,
scholarship at festival
Continued from page 1.
Frankie Spurbeck ’23 is also
passionate about their topic. He is
presenting his senior political science
thesis: “Riding to the End of the Line:
The Effect of School Transportation
Policy on Transit Habit Formation”
at this year’s festival. Spurbeck also
received a SAAB grant, and used it
to incentivize students to respond to
surveys.
Spurbeck is from the Twin Cities,
where transportation to and from high
school is done with city buses and not
school buses. Spurbeck said more
cities should implement a similar plan.
From there he fell in love with public
transportation, the independence it
provides and the reduction of carbon
emissions. Passion
is not the only
reason they
are excited to
present, though.
“I also just
think it’ll be
fun,” Spurbeck
said. “I looked at
who I’m on the
panel with and
it’s all people I
know, which is
wild. And it’s a
real interesting
mix of stuff.”
The in-person
element adds
to the festival’s
unique feel.
“In person is also irreplaceable
because the fest in festival really
comes to fruition in person,” DeMarte
said. “SAAB did just an amazing job
last year, also putting the fest back in the festival by bringing in food trucks
and having all kinds of activities.”
However, SAAB funding was cut
a little bit this year and there will
be no food trucks today, but will be
tomorrow at the Spring Fever Fest.
Every organization received cuts this
year and SAAB did not escape that.
Stratton and the board prioritized
grant funding over food trucks and
extra FoSA enrichment, but even so
grant applications closed early due to
an inability to fund further applicants.
Even without free food, FoSA
provides LC with an opportunity to
experience the work produced by the
community.
“About campus community and
extracurricular events and stuff I
can be a cynical person that guards
my time and tells students
to guard
their time,”
Lascurettes said.
“But this is an
event that I’m
not just on the
committee for
the sake of doing
committee work.
I really believe
in this event. I
think that it’s
wonderful and
really important
that we reserve
an entire day,
in the Spring
semester,
especially in the
business end of the semester, where
we canceled classes and we devoted
(ourselves) entirely to celebrating
student research and student student
projects.” LEO BERNSTEIN NEWMAN/THE MOSSY LOG
“I think that it’s wonderful
and really important that
we reserve an entire day,
in the Spring semester ...
where we canceled classes
and we devoted (ourselves)
entirely to celebrating
student research and
student student projects.”
- Kyle LascurettesCommunity uses holiday to reflect
on Jewish life in Portland, campus
Continued from page 1.
Maddie Herrup works at PDX
Hillel as the Social Justice Fellow and
at LC Hillel as the Jewish Student Life
Coordinator. She played an important
role in the organization of the Seder,
but emphasized the agency of Hillel’s
student leadership. The Seder was
led by the student board, using a
Haggadah, the religious text that guides
the ceremony. Rather than using a more
traditional version of the text, Hillel
used an alternative version that student
board members Sam Personette ’24 and
Elliot Negrin ’25 adapted themselves.
Herrup explained that this format is the
standard at LC Hillel.
“It’s student-driven and staff-
supported,” Herrup said. “I’m going
along with whatever the students want
to do … It’s almost a dance between the
student board and me as this Jewish
Student Life Coordinator.”
Zach Gilburne ’23 is the president
of the student board. Gilburne helped
organize the Seder, where he and the
rest of the student board led attendees
in the reading of the Haggadah, as well
as a skit version of the Passover story.
He was impressed with the turnout the
event drew.
“There’s not a whole lot of other
events at Lewis and Clark where you
can get 80 people in one room just to
celebrate a holiday,” Gilburne said.
Gilburne has been involved with
LC Hillel since the beginning of his
freshman year, when his cousin, a fellow
LC student, encouraged him to attend
a Shabbat dinner during orientation.
He expressed his appreciation for the
open and welcoming space that Hillel
provided him, and which it continues to
offer to a diverse group of students.
“As far as levels of practice goes,
there’s a pretty huge variety … the one
pretty universal thing is community,”
Gilburne said. “We get the whole
spectrum of levels of observance. In
some ways, it’s kind of a big melting pot
of Judaism … There’s no pre-requisite
on ‘Oh, you have to have lived a Jewish
life beforehand.’”
Herrup also described the diversity
of Hillel’s participation, which she said
can be a challenge to cater to, sometimes
leading to critique of the organization
as a whole.
“It’s either we’re not religious
enough or we’re too religious,” Herrup
said. “I think it’s important to have
nuance whatever perspective you come
into, and people don’t see Hillel as
having that,” she said.This challenge, however, is
anything but discouraging.
“(Orthodox and conservative)
perspectives are important in Hillel,
along with Reform, Recon, Renewal,
Spiritual, Agnostic, Atheist, ‘I don’t
give a damn.’ A Jew is a Jew is a Jew.
Even folks who aren’t Jewish … It’s for
anybody,” Herrup said.
Herrup’s perspective lends itself
to her overall goal as a Hillel staff
member, which is caring for the
mental and emotional health of any LC
students who seek out Hillel’s services.
“The personal connections I have
with the different students I’ve talked
to is really important to me,” Herrup
said. “That in person, ‘Let me treat you
to coffee, I want to hear all about your
life;’ it gives the chance to get to know
someone on a person level, not just a
staff to student, but human to human.”
Linoy Yechieli, PDX Hillel Israel
Fellow, has found a lot of admiration
for Jewish life at LC, as opposed to
Israel, where she lived prior to moving
to Portland.
“I feel like it’s so unique here to be
Jewish… It’s a bigger deal than being
Jewish in Israel,” Yechieli said. “I
really feel proud.”
Like Herrup, Citron seeks to make
Chabad a space for those across the
broad spectrum of Judaism.
“We accept every Jew,” the Chabad
on Campus SW Portland website
said. “Whether you’re religious or not
affiliated at all, whether you eat a bagel
with lox every day, or have never heard
of pastrami on rye, we’re here for you.”
This value is not just held by Citron,
but is ingrained in Chabad as a whole
organization.
“Chabad philosophy places
tremendous emphasis on the
commandment to ‘love your fellow as
yourself,’” Citron said. “Jewish unity
and love for one another is seen as the
core of Judaism and our purpose in
life.”
Professor Kosansky chose to
celebrate with his out-of-town family,
a serious decision for a holiday that is
not granted a designated break by the
college.
“I’m canceling classes for the
rest of this week,” Kosansky said.
“It continues to be this reasonable
disjuncture between my calendar and
the calendar of the college.”
He stresses, however, that the
college has not stood in the way of this
choice.
“I feel entirely supported by the
college and I don’t feel … like I’m playing hooky, or that I’m doing
anything wrong,” he said.
This semester, Kosansky is
teaching a course called Ethnography
of Jews and Judaism, and despite
having taught Anthropology for
two decades, this is his first time
teaching about Judaism.
“There are lots of reasons for
that, mostly having to do with me,”
Kosansky said. “The fact that there’s
a more public presence on Jewish
life was one factor … in saying, ‘It’s
really time to do this.’”
In his time at LC, Kosansky has
observed significant changes in
Jewish presence on campus.
“When I came here, which is
almost 20 years ago now, the Jewish
presence public press on campus
was virtually nothing,” Kosansky
said. “I think the college has
actually, and this is largely at the
behest of students, but a variety of
other things, made more of a space
for supporting public Jewish life on
campus.”
Juno Pechersky ’26 is a student
in Kosansky’s course, and describes
his Jewish life at LC as social and
community-based, rather than
focused on religious practice.
Pechersky, like many LC students,
chose not to participate in an
organized Seder and rather have his
own, informal gathering with his
friends.
“Just get all the Jews together,
make some matzah ball soup,”
Pechersky said of his plans for the
holiday.
This, for Pechersky, fulfills
the most important aspects of the
celebration.
“I always enjoy feeling some sort
of like being a part of something,”
Pechersky said. “I think that anytime
that you can get together with other
Jews is a time to celebrate, and it’s
nice to be around your people.”
Rebbitzen Chaya Citron, Rabbi
Citron’s wife and co-host of Chabad,
said her favorite part of the holiday
was spending relaxed time off
of work and school with family.
Herrup and Kosansky both cited
the intergenerational aspect of the
gathering as particularly dear to
them. Leah, the Citron’s one-year-
old daughter, says her favorite part
of Passover is matzah.
Across the spectrum of religiosity,
people seemed to agree that time
with loved ones is at the core of
Passover’s importance.THE MOSSY LOG ARCHIVES
Festival of Arts & Scholars brings students together to celebrate their peers work.Students can now use flex points and meal swipes following the cyberattack outage.Some faculty have reported fraud, identity theft after data breach, college offers credit monitoringOPINION 4FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
A student tour guide shows prospective students and their families around campus.
Unless otherwise stated, the views expressed in the Opinion section are NOT those of The Mossy Log and are held by the authors.LETTER TO THE EDITOR:
Asking for accountability
Student tourists, families encroach
on current student lives on campus Genderqueer people
cannot “mansplain”
By CLAIRE CHAMPOMMIER
DEAR EDITORS and community,
During my last four years,
a professor once asked our class
to critique a performance done in
blackface. In class we explained
why wearing marginalized identities
as costumes is disrespectful. Our
professor repeatedly responded
by saying, “It’s just acting. That’s
the whole point of acting. You’re
supposed to transform.” Our
professor ended our conversation
with, “There are strong arguments
on both sides.” We repeated that we
were trying to help our professor
understand why this was harmful
to our community so our professor
could do what we know they would
want – to create a welcoming
learning environment. We repeated
that we were coming from a place of
love.
We noticed our professor stared
only at me for the rest of class. Once
after I volunteered to read from the
board, our professor made fun of the
sound of my voice.
The last day I attended this
class I shared an experience of
racial violence I had downtown that
previous weekend in which I was
targeted for being Asian American. I
explained again that some of us don’t
get to take the “costume” of race off,
nor do we receive Oscar awards or
applause for facing violence simply
for being who we are. Our professor
laughed and said, “I don’t think
anyone would want to say anything
after that.” My peers spoke up against
this response. If it weren’t for my
peers in this class and the rest of our
community, I could not have gotten through this time. I also appreciate
the professors and administrators,
as well as a few student unions, that
were at my side through this.
Students soon after told me they
were defending me from professors
that I’ve still never met who vocalized
resentment toward me during their
classes, office hours, and over email
in reaction to hearing about our
class. Students told me they feared
speaking up in their own similar
classroom situations after witnessing
how these professors treated me.
The first day of the next semester, I
dropped a class after a professor said
“I know all about you,” and asked if I
could even handle taking a hard class
with so much homework.
We should be careful and
thoughtful of who’s narrative we
listen to in these situations. My peers
and I weren’t trying to ban books
or conversations about racism. We
believe there is no conversation too
difficult, but conversations about
racism aren’t the same as arguing for
making excuses for racism. Asking for
accountability from our professors
isn’t the same as trying to “cancel”
them. If you deny and retaliate when
we name and recognize ignorance,
then you block us all from stepping
toward growth together.
We shouldn’t be made to feel
afraid to ask for respect for one
another, or ourselves. It’s not enough
to only sometimes feel welcome at
school. Being bullied by people who
are supposed to create a welcoming
learning environment, whether
mindless or not, took a toll on my
mental health. But I’ve learned
that what we do on one hand and
what happens to us on the other
is arbitrary. And luckily, I had the support of our community to get me
through. I wasn’t the only student to
document and report what happened.
We ask to refrain from ostracizing
students for communicating distress.
I hope professors can understand
that when students speak up, we
are doing this from a place of love
because we know that all educators
aim to create a safe and welcoming
learning environment and so we all
need to work together to achieve
this. These are our classrooms too.
Keeping each other in check is an act
of love for all parties involved.
Whatever hate I may receive
again, I write this to ask for a focus
on hope for change. We know we
can’t change anyone, but we will
keep asking for respect. And even
if some may never give it to you,
always know you’re still deserving
of it. Remember to have respect for
yourself. We are only here once.
Best,
Claire Champommier
By CORRINA CHAN
THESE PAST few months, Lewis
& Clark has seen an increase of
tour groups on campus. Despite
the rain and snow, visitors trudge
through campus with the signature LC
orange umbrellas. We have seen them
on pathways, in our dining hall, Fowler
Center and now even our dorms. We see
them staring at us through classroom
windows and as we walk by on our way
to classes.
I understand that prospective
students and visitors may want to
check out our campus, classes and
dorms. I was a tourist myself during the
pandemic, and my visit greatly helped
with making a decision about which
college to attend. It was, however,
better that I got it done during spring
break, as there were very few students
for our tour group to disturb.
Having the experience of checking
out a school while it is in session may
help with immersion and getting a
glimpse into a student’s day-to-day life. There are drawbacks for students,
when too many large tour groups
start to block pathways, take pictures
of students without consent and tour
places meant only for students and
faculty.
I woke up one morning to go to
class and, when I walked through the
Platt Lounge, I ran straight into a tour
group who stopped and stared at me
as I walked past. After that awkward,
jarring encounter, I was inspired to
write this article. This was jarring, as
I was under the impression that dorm
buildings and residential areas were
reserved for students who lived there.
While I understand that they are being
escorted by a tour guide, it feels wrong
to have strangers in the place where I
live.
My understanding is that my dorm,
Platt West, is generally an open space
where people come and go freely, doors
usually remain open to other students
and there is a certain trust amongst
the residents. Having many strangers
coming in unannounced each day may impact the security that we feel within
our dorm. I feel that the school should
get the residences consent before
allowing tourists into the place we live.
It is also my understanding, as some
of my peers have told me, that this is
common in other schools and sometimes
there are empty dorms or unoccupied
rooms shown with the residence’s
consent that are used as models for these
families to view. In my opinion, this is
not as disruptive of the security of our
living space.
While I understand that coming to
see the place that you will be living and
studying for the next four or so years
is completely necessary and a really
good idea, it can be a bit uncomfortable
when people stare through windows
into in-session classes or while we are
eating at dining halls.
The week before spring break, there
was a man filming in the Trail Room,
which was not a bother until he started
focusing the camera on me eating my
hamburger. Now there is a strange man
somewhere out there with a video of
me eating, which is incredibly weird
and creepy.
There will always be a few people
who cross boundaries with external
permission and without, but I advise
that tour groups be conscious of
students who actually live and study on
campus and have made it their home.
Oftentimes, we can feel like zoo animals
when we see people staring at us through
the glass when we have classes in Miller.
The school should prioritize its
current students’ safety and comfort
over students who might not have even
decided if they want to come here.
While I am glad to welcome those who
want to check out the campus, there
should be a little more respect and
communication when it comes to this
place that I call home.
LEO BERNSTEIN NEWMAN/THE MOSSY LOGBy JACQUES PARKER
NAVIGATING Lewis & Clark
College as a genderqueer
person is already difficult,
but there are things that many LC
students do that make life for me even
more insufferable. When it comes
to gender identity, I am in a unique
and vulnerable position. To many,
I “look like” a man, but I am not a
man. Despite this, many LC students
— mostly cisgender women — believe
that it is socially acceptable to use
me as a proverbial punching bag for
their frustrations with men, including
common feminist critiques of men’s
actions like mansplaining.
I feel it unnecessary to explain in
detail how gender identity is different
from gender expression, but for those of
you who do not know, how one expresses
their gender on the outside may not line
up with how they feel about themselves
internally. It also does not necessarily
line up with the gender category you
might put them in subconsciously.
LC students often categorize me as
a man based on my appearance. They
say I “look like” a man, but I want to
question that. What does a man look
like? How do you know that your image
of a man is consistent with all men?
How do you know that you are placing
everyone in the right category, so as to
not misgender them?
These questions much of the time go
unanswered — if they are asked at all.
However, they are important to ponder.
Please do not leave them as intellectual
exercises; people like myself live by asking
these questions and understanding the
system in which we live.An irritating phenomenon that
results from this lack of introspection is
the way in which cisgender people will
use my appearance to question what I
say and do. For example, I have worked
at LC’s mailroom for three and a half
years. I know what I am doing there
and I can admit when I do not. Once,
though, someone came up to me at
work and assumed I was mansplaining
to them how to do X, Y or Z.
Although they did not say it
explicitly, I felt as though their
internal dialogue was that I was
“mansplaining” to them. This person
did not know who I was other than
that we shared a class together, yet
they likely assumed that I was a man
based on my appearance. It should go
without saying that my appearance
does not define my gender identity.
I feel as though they felt their
categorization of me as a man was
justified because they were critiquing
me for “mansplaining” to them about
mail.
You have no right to assume
things about me, even if veiled
under a feminist critique of men and
their behavior. You serve to make
those hierarchical structures more
entrenched in our culture when
you operate this way, whether you
are cisgender or not. Genderqueer
people, in my experience, are just as
likely to assume I am a man as anyone
else — no one is immune to this pitfall
(including myself). If your feminism
functions based on someone’s
appearance (i.e., if they “look like”
a man) and not on the hierarchical
power structures that define our
culture, then it is not feminism.
THE MOSSY LOG ARCHIVES
ADVERTISEMENTFRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
OPINION 5
Unless otherwise stated, the views expressed in the Opinion section are NOT those of The Mossy Log and are held by the authors.Space exploration
must be responsible
By DANIEL NESHYBA-ROWE
SPACE, THE final frontier. Star
Trek fans are not alone in thinking
space is cool — with so many
constellations to count, curvature to
measure and asteroids to smack into
the earth Deep Impact-style, thereby
ending all macroscopic life on this
soggy ball of mold. Unfortunately,
along with all the scientific intrigue
and philosophical mystery comes
a plethora of environment-killing
corporate baggage. This raises the
question: Is space exploration worth
it? In my opinion, only if done
responsibly with an eye to the future.
My favorite expression of this
sentiment comes from the TV series
The Expanse, which is set in a future
where humanity has colonized Mars
while Earth suffers from climate
change. In one scene, someone from
Mars sneeringly accuses Earthers
of taking a perfect paradise and
destroying it — which is, indeed,
precisely what we are doing now by
continuing with our level of CO2
emissions.
That said, while rocket flights
certainly emit a ludicrous amount
of carbon, it is a tiny portion of the
amount produced from other sources.
One estimate has global space travel
at 1.2 million metric tons of CO2.
In contrast, the EPA measures total
emissions from the US at 5,000
million metric tons. Furthermore,
satellites are widely used for collecting
climate data, unlike the transportation
industry. I think there is an argument
to be made that rockets are actually
one of the only justifiable uses of fossil
fuels; we can heat our houses and go
from place to place using renewable
energy, but it is nigh-impossible to get
a satellite to orbit using solar panels.
The elephant in the space-room
has been SpaceX for a few years now,
and that seems unlikely to change
anytime soon. SpaceX crafts moved
116,000kg of equipment to space last
year, five times more than the next
runner-up. It was also responsible for
more than 75% of payload deliveries
globally in 2019.
I dislike Elon Musk as much as
the next LC student, but SpaceX is
incredibly relevant and, despite the
bad rap it frequently gets, seems to be
more committed to legitimate science
and useful-to-the-average-person
satellites than many competitors
(even given the publicity stunts).
Blue Origin and Virgin Galactic, for
instance, both sell joyrides to space
as their main product — a clear waste
of resources, which only entertain
the uber-rich. SpaceX is admittedly
guilty of selling private flights to Jared
Isaacman, but at least these flights
do not make up the majority of the
company’s income.
SpaceX’s newest big project,
Starship, will be the first rocket with
all stages reusable, which cuts down
on manufacturing CO2 emissions
(and costs) significantly. NASA’s Artemis III mission scheduled for
2025 plans to leverage Starship for
the first manned mission to the moon
in 50 years. I support people being
sent to the moon — it is a relatively
close-by destination with awesome
research potential, and since the
moon has such low gravity, it is
correspondingly easier to get back
into orbit.
Manned Mars missions, however,
are a stupid idea. First of all, Mars
ranges from 100 to 1,000 times
farther than the moon. While this
does not make such a huge difference
in fuel consumption, as the vast
majority of fuel is expended getting
into and out of orbit, it does mean
that help would be unreachable. If
anything breaks down on Mars, it
likely will not ever be fixed. Send
rovers to Mars instead; rovers
are great. NASA has planned an
ambitious mission to return samples
gathered by Perseverance back to
Earth. Right now, sending people to
Mars is foolish and reckless.
My primary reason for disliking
the idea of people on Mars is that a
number of billionaires have made
noises suggesting they think Mars
could serve as a sort of “emergency
Earth,” as the real thing is devastated
by rising sea levels, hurricanes
and ecological collapse. This is a
dangerous and foolish proposition
— Earth may be experiencing an
extinction event, but Mars does not
have anything to go extinct in the
first place. Also, I refuse to let the top
0.1% escape the mess for which they
are disproportionately responsible.
Another issue that arises in getting
to space is Kessler Syndrome, which
is the idea that as debris — mostly
small particulates moving very fast
— accumulate in orbit, it becomes
increasingly difficult to find a spot
clear enough to safely put a rocket
or satellite. Specifically, research
suggests that once enough debris is
present, collisions will produce new
debris faster than the old scraps
can deorbit. Kessler Syndrome is
primarily caused by anti-satellite
(ASAT) tests conducted by the US,
Russia and China, where a missile is
launched at and destroys a satellite,
scattering shrapnel which stays in
orbit for decades or centuries.
Conversations about the place of
space in the future are important to
continue having. It certainly does
seem reckless to continue building
and sending rockets to space
(especially for publicity stunts and
joyrides) while climate scientists
desperately beg us to reduce our
CO2 footprint, but I think there
is a place for responsible space
exploration. Private space flights set
a dangerous precedent, as do ASAT
tests. In the past, international law
has had no teeth when it comes
to space and I think that needs to
change, with increased regulations
and enforcement concerning what is
allowed and what is not.
HALCYON ORVENDAL/THE MOSSY LOGDespite inconvenience, daylight
savings should not be permanent
By MAX ALLEN
AFEW WEEKS ago, we experienced
an infamous little quirk of our
culture: Daylight savings time
began. This day is otherwise known as
“spring leap forward,” or as I fondly call
it, “the worst day of the year.” There is
nothing quite like the feeling of checking
the time, seeing it is 1:56 a.m., then
checking five minutes later and doing a
double take because it is now 3:01 a.m.
Nor is there anything quite like clawing
out of bed at 7 a.m. for your 8 a.m. class to
see the sun has yet to fully rise and feeling
like death itself, a full hour of sleep cut
out of your already dismal sleep schedule.
Springing forward, I feel, is not a good
time. So it may surprise you to hear that
I am a huge advocate for changing the
clocks. Legislation in the country has
recently moved to make daylight savings
time permanent; i.e., one last forward
shift before keeping it darker earlier
and lighter later all year. Last year, the
daintily named “Sunshine Protection
Act” pushed for making this change the
national standard, and was unanimously
approved by the Senate. However, The
House of Representatives did not act on
the bill, and so it has been reintroduced
to the Senate to be put into place next
year instead.
Should the House and the Senate
pass this bill, Oregon and 21 other states
voiced that they would conform to the
change immediately, thus putting an
end to springing forward and falling
back. As a result, the other states would
be pressured to follow suit, and Canada
might not be long after.
The likeliness of daylight savings
becoming permanent saddens me. It
is true that having a 23-hour day is
pretty rough, but having a 25-hour day?
Absolutely worth the sacrifice earlier in
the year. I treat daylight savings’ end in the fall as a sacred day. I go to bed early
the night before and luxuriate in the extra
hour of sleep.
Cell phone clocks have somewhat
compromised the full daylight savings
experience, but I leave my watch an
hour ahead and do not change the clock
in my car, so that I can be regularly
pleasantly surprised by having an extra
hour in the day. I get an unreasonably
excessive sense of excitement when I
look at my watch, stressed about all of my
responsibilities, and realize a moment
later that I have a full bonus hour. There
is just something magical about daylight
savings ending that tragically few people
stop to appreciate, too busy complaining
about how early it gets dark.
The beauty of our current system is
that we do not have to worry about the
early darkness of standard time for very
long. Two-thirds of the year are spent
in daylight savings (March through October), meaning we get the best of both
worlds: a 25-hour day, and — for much of
the year — the convenience and safety of
it staying light late.
Another underappreciated aspect of
the regular switching between daylight
savings and standard time is what I
call the small-talk factor. In trying and
divisive times, what we really need is
small and moderately stupid things
to bring us together. If the dreaded
Sunshine Protection Act is passed, how
will we talk to people we do not know or
are uncomfortable around? The weather
can only get you so far. What will our
world be when we do not have the clock
on the wall in the classroom an hour off
for four months of the year, throwing the
students and professor off every time?
The sunshine does not need our
protection. Our bizarre and arbitrary
system of shifting our schedules twice a
year does.
SUMMER DAE BINDER/THE MOSSY LOG
Diet culture, challenges of healthy
eating persist even at Lewis & Clark
By CLAIRE BACO
WHEN I WAS packing for
college my freshman year,
my grandmother (only half
jokingly) told me to “watch out for the
Freshman 15!”
I grew up relatively isolated from
the worst of today’s diet culture,
so this was a bit of a shock. In this
rhetoric, the biggest thing I would
have to worry about at college was
not hard classes, navigating the social
scene or avoiding peer pressure. It
was gaining weight — the infamous 15
pounds from eating dining hall food.
I have always been considered
a healthy weight and “in shape,”
particularly due to being involved in
athletics my whole life. But despite the
fact that I was committed to swimming competitively 15 hours a week, my
grandmother wanted to make sure I
would not eat too much.
Diet culture was pervasive in high
school, but the messaging is almost
worse in college.
Free to do what they like with
their time and money, many students
gravitate towards the snack and
candy aisles at Fred Meyer and forgo
the Bon’s limp vegetables for the
significantly-less-slimy crazy cake.
The efforts the Bon exerts to try and
offer healthy options get left to go cold
while we grab cereal, white rice and
grilled cheese.
It is really hard to eat healthy in
college. Budget and time constraints,
combined with lack of experience in
cooking for ourselves, mean dinners of
mac and cheese and ramen are go-to’s. And yet, exacerbated by conventionally
beautiful influencers on Instagram
and TikTok, the image we see as ideal
is thin, white and effortlessly stylish,
as well as probably trying to sell us
something.
The result is disordered eating for
college students. At Lewis & Clark in
particular, many students came from
middle- and upper-class homes where
home cooked meals were the norm.
Some adapt to the lower-quality food,
but some simply skip meals. Combined
with how difficult it is to get off campus
to get groceries or restaurant meals,
particularly for first-year students, this
is a difficult and unhealthy problem.
LC as a whole is fairly body-positive
and many students who do follow diets
do so for environmentally-conscious
reasons. I have heard very little about
the “Freshman 15” here compared
to friends at other schools, however
we are not exempt from the societal
pressure to stay thin.
College students as a demographic
are susceptible to such messaging,
as we are figuring out how to live
adult lives, spend our money on the
right things and navigate the dating
scene. Young people are particularly
vulnerable to the propaganda pushed
by diet, cosmetics, sports and other
industries looking to profit off of
college students’ personal budgets.
As much as we complain about
the Bon’s food, it has tried hard to
counteract the diet culture college
students are subject to. We are
presented with a fully stocked salad
bar, balanced meals, fresh fruit and
thoughtful soups. Despite the many
undeniable issues, an honest effort has
been made to offer LC students healthy
options and counteract the idea that
there is no way to eat healthy in college.
SUMMER DAE BINDER/THE MOSSY LOGFRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
AD 6
FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
FEATURES 7
By MAYA MAZOR-HOOFIEN
WHEN MICHELE Martinez
is working in Fields Dining
Hall, she is impossible to
miss. Her eye-catching style and warm
personality have made her a beloved
figure on campus. Martinez’ story,
however, extends beyond the confines
of the host stand and far beyond
Palatine Hill.
When it comes to her work, what
Martinez loves most is interacting with
the Lewis & Clark community.
“One of my favorite things in here is
to listen to the laughter,” Martinez said.
“You know what I mean, just hearing
people, man. Enjoying all y’all here,
somebody just busts out laughing. It
does my heart good.”
LC students perhaps know Martinez
best for her personalized fashion sense.
Her style is characterized by bold
colors, quirky accessories and playful
patterns. Her ornate, turquoise jewelry
and dangly earrings are a staple look
of hers. Though her fashion holds
distinctly cohesive quality, she holds no
loyalty to particular stores or aesthetics.
“I’m like a little bird, and when I
see something, it’s like, oh, shiny, I like
that,” she said.
In addition to her creative fashion
choices, many people are curious
about where Martinez gets her
elaborate nails done. Martinez shared
that she frequents “Classic Nails” in
Gresham.
Martinez has worked at LC for
more than 30 years, and is currently
Bon Appétit’s longest-serving staff
member. Her mother, Patricia
Wahlsmith, was a longtime chef who
began working at LC in the ’80s. Martinez joined her at the dining hall.
“I was lucky to have my momma
and my best friend wrapped in one,”
Martinez said.
Martinez passed on the family
tradition to all three of her children,
who have worked in the Bon before.
At one point, three generations of her
family worked together. Welcoming LC
into her own family, Martinez recently
shared her own recipe with Bon Appétit
for the community to enjoy: her famous
sloppy Joe’s.
Martinez has eight grandchildren, and
though one is not her biological relative,
she explains “you don’t separate” family.
“You’re not my blood, it doesn’t
matter. You’re my blood. You’re my
baby,” Martinez said.
Similarly, she describes appreciation
for the large family she grew up with.
“My stepfather was a good man,
taught us respect, responsibility, a
value of job,” she said. “I got very lucky,
I got two beautiful father figures in my
life.”
Martinez credits her approach to
life to her eccentric father, who always
encouraged her to be herself and not
to conform to society’s expectations.
She remembers him tinkering in their
garage and hearing the sounds of his
Harley-Davidson engine.
“He always used to tell us, ‘Be
anique; don’t be like everybody else,’”
Martinez said. “And it wasn’t unique, it
was anique,”
Another family member who played
a role in shaping her identity was her
grandfather, who she said had hair even
longer than hers.
“My grandfather was an old hippie
and he used to tell me, he says, I’m like
a mirror (of him),” Martinez said.Like many LC students, Martinez
grew up in the Bay Area, moving to
Portland when she was 13. Prior to
starting at LC, she had a roundabout
journey that included being a pastry
chef and bartending, meaningful
experiences she describes fondly.
“When I first started here, I
bartended nights and I worked here
during the days,” Martinez said.
“When I went to Montana and I came
back, they gave me an opportunity
in the bakery, and they go, ‘You’re a
natural.’ And so I went from just a job
to a career.”
Beyond work, Martinez has a rich
adventurous side. In her free time, she
goes mud and bubble racing with her
daughter and granddaughter. A mud
race is a 5K walk or race through mud,
whereas a bubble race is a race where
the participants run through dye-filled
bubbles. She recalled one experience at
one such race with her niece.
“I never laughed so hard as watching
my niece,” Martinez said. “She went up,
over, and completely under. And came
back up and she was just covered in
mud.”
Her breadth of experience and earned
wisdom have taught her to prioritize joy,
focusing on the things that really matter.
“You know what, like I said, life’s
too short, why sweat the small stuff, you
know what I mean?” Martinez said.
Martinez is admired by many for her
dedication to her work, love for family
and commitment to fostering a caring
community. She is an invaluable part of
LC who has dedicated much of her life to
the school and improving the experience
of generations of staff and students.
Additional reporting by Nadav Ben David
Martinez, adorned in her usual eye-catching turquoise jewelry and vibrant nails, radiates warmth through the camera’s lens. NADAV BEN DAVID/THE MOSSY LOGCampus cooks serve
dorm-friendly dishes
By DANIEL NESHYBA-ROWE
I AM A TERRIBLE COOK. Despite
this, in my two years on-campus, I
have witnessed and made a number
of edible items, some of which were even
good. Students like myself need all the
help they can get food-wise — all starred(*)
ingredients should be procurable from the
Bon. I present a medley of such recipes
from myself and several friends.
Julia Scott’s Microwave Pasta (20
min):
Ingredients:
½ box of pasta
Water
½ tablespoon butter*
Salt*
Garlic Powder
Bon toppings* (cheese, red pepper
flakes, etc.)
Directions:
Fill a microwave-safe bowl with
pasta, then add enough water to cover.
Microwave for about 15 minutes,
depending on pasta type. Strain, add
butter, salt, garlic powder and toppings.
This recipe is as easy as it is
questionable, but comes with a bonus of
requiring no cooking utensils. Please make
sure the bowl is actually microwave safe.
Halcyon Orvendal’s “Beef” Cookies*
(45 min):
Ingredients:
⅞ cups butter (about 1.75 sticks),
room temperature
1 cup + 2 tsp granulated sugar
2 cups flour
4 tbsp cocoa
1 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp vanilla sugar (2 tsp sugar and 1
tsp vanilla extract)
2 eggs
Trail Room nutmeg (optional)
Directions:
Preheat oven to 400º F. Mix butter
and sugar until soft, then add all other
ingredients except one egg. Combine into
a dough. Separate the dough into six parts
and roll into cylinders. Place on a baking
sheet and flatten somewhat. Whisk egg
with a fork and top cookies with egg wash.
Bake for 12-15 minutes, and cut into about
2cm-wide diagonal slices after removal.
*Cookies are not actually beef, but
resemble beef strips. While they do look
a bit freaky, these are tasty cookies if you
have the necessary baking supplies. Try
adding some nutmeg to experiment.
Ian Cebula’s Garlic Bread (20 min):
Ingredients:
6-8 slices of bread
½ cup butter
2 teaspoons minced garlic (2-3 cloves
if you mince it yourself)
Spices
Directions:
Set the oven to 425 º F. While it is
preheating, melt butter in the microwave,
then add garlic and whatever other spices
desired. Spread butter evenly on each slice
of bread. Bake on a baking sheet for 8-10
minutes. You can use the broil option on
the oven in the last couple minutes for
toastier garlic bread.Garlic bread is a delicious and
relatively easy savory staple. This recipe
should work just fine in any rickety Forest
Hall oven you have access to, and the
whole hall will smell great, so be ready to
guard or share your meal.
Almond-Honey Balls (2 hours 20
min):
Ingredients:
⅓ cup honey
½ cup almond butter
¼ cup coconut flakes
Directions:
Stir together almond butter and honey
in a bowl until mixed. Chill the bowl for
20 minutes. After chilling, roll into small
balls, and then roll the balls in coconut
flakes. Finally, chill for another 2 hours
(if it is the common fridge, make sure to
clearly label it and hope no one steals any).
This recipe comes from my time on an
elimination diet when I could eat almost
nothing except for nuts. It certainly makes a
passable and easy (if somewhat expensive)
gluten, dairy and sugar-free treat.
Bon “sponsored” Pan-Fried Rice
(30 minutes):
Ingredients:
2 cups cooked rice*
1 bell pepper*
⅔ cup thinly sliced carrots
2 eggs
1 tablespoon soy sauce*
2 teaspoons sesame oil (optional)
Salt*
Oil/butter for frying*
Directions:
Chop bell peppers and carrots. Beat
eggs, mix in a pinch of salt, then scramble
on medium heat. Set aside. Toss the bell
peppers and carrots in with oil and salt
and stir-fry for 2-3 minutes. Turn the heat
to high, and add the scrambled eggs and
rice. Toss a few times while drizzling with
soy sauce and sesame oil, then serve.
Multiple friends have suggested
fried rice as a means of repurposing Bon
ingredients. This recipe is my attempt.
Along with bell peppers and rice, I am
told you can re-cook certain Bon meats
(as a vegetarian, I feel unqualified to
advise on this) or tofu. I recommend
pilfering some green onions as a topping.
Nikita Starzhevskiy-Stowell’s Grenki
(15 min):
Ingredients:
6 slices stale bread
2 eggs
¼ cup milk
Oil/butter (for frying)*
Bon toppings* (butter, berries, etc.)
Directions:
Beat the eggs into the milk until
combined. Soak each slice of bread in the
mixture until damp, then fry on medium
heat. Serve with desired toppings.
Grenki is a Russian dish almost
identical to French toast. This recipe
is particularly simple, though, and is
therefore powerful. Stale bread is better
for Grenki, which is great since everyone
who buys bread at LC will inevitably have
stale bread eventually.
ALL ILLUSTRATIONS BY HALCYON
ORVENDAL/THE MOSSY LOGMichele Martinez discusses
style, family, take on life
FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
FEATURES 8
By SUMMER DAE BINDER
AT THE START of spring
semester, an Instagram
account was created under the
username @kphmissedconnections.
It announced that it was bringing back
Lewis & Clark Missed Connections as
an Instagram account that posts MC’s
with music and a radio.
LC Missed Connections first
started on Facebook in 2013 as a way
to anonymously declare romantic and
platonic interest in members of the
LC community. The last post on the
Facebook account was in March 2022.
The Facebook page was popular
among LC students in its day. The
radio show host, who chose to remain
anonymous for this article, wanted
to bring back the idea via radio and
Instagram. Submissions are made
through a Google Form link available
in the show’s Instagram bio, and
are then posted with a colorful
background and a song of the person’s
choosing. Past songs have included
“Hot Knife” by Fiona Apple and
“Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison.
The Missed Connections show
host wanted to make something that
would attract all LC students.
“Shows I have done in the past get
like eight listeners on average. I think
this year there have been a lot more
listeners,” the host said. “You go on
the radio and you broadcast for your
friends who you badger into listening
to your show or you get your family
to listen, but I thought the missed
connections idea had a greater reach
and that might be something a lot of
students all around campus would be
interested in tuning into.”
While popular on Instagram, the
radio show, like most shows, does
not attract a huge draw of listeners.
Compared to other shows, however,
the range of listeners is diversified by
the format, rather than being a group
of friends tuning into a radio station
out of support or obligation.
That is not to say there has
not been drama on the Missed
Connections page and show. Some
submissions remain vague or call out
other students by their full name. In response, the host blanked out
missed connections’ last names
and changed the guidelines so that
submissions that are negative, vague
or explicit will be denied.
“There were two posts that
people did not want to see that
said mean things about other
people. In one of the posts, I
just censored a last name
because even I was like ‘this
is a mean post’ and when
I started the account I
did not want to censor
anything because I
think it gets a little
bit complicated with
one person deciding
what gets posted and
what does not,” the host
said. “I think it could get
complicated with bias I think
for an account like this, after
having people direct message me and
the comments on the post, I really
understand that people just
do not want to see that stuff
and some people getting
annoyed that their stuff is
not getting posted is not a
bad trade-off at all.”
One missed connection
that has received a lot of
attention is the Dovecote
girl, a student who
makes paper cranes
in the Dovecote. The
Instagram account
featured a post
called “A Love
Letter to the
Dovecote crane/
teddy bear
girl” which
compiled
eight separate
submissions
dedicated
to the Dovecote
girl that included: “girl with the pink
stuffed bear. You’re magical. I know
you might not believe me, but you
truly are.”
The “Dovecote girl” in question is
LC student Halli Nguyen ’24.
“I know the two baristas and I
was just kind of decorating for our happiness,
our sake,”
Nguyen
said. “I
did not realize
people noticed or cared about
it at all, so when the first missed
connection came out it was very sweet to receive it. People were
indulging in something that
I do. Of course, I did not
expect to be anymore
after that, so when the
eight came out later it
was definitely a big
wave of ‘wow,’ that is
a lot of messages.”
Nguyen also goes
by the name “Teddy
Bear Girl” on Missed
Connections. Her
stuffed bear, who
goes by the name
“Kitty,” is named
after the fictional
character Hello
Kitty and has been
in Nguyen’s life for
twenty years.
Nguyen is most
known for her origami
crafts that decorate the
Dovecote. One missed
connection that was
posted related to Nguyen
about the origami rose
pig’s she made for
a professor.
The creation turned out to be the
professor’s favorite type of pig.
“I did make an extra rose pig for a
professor, which is now in her office,”
Nguyen said. “I have made it for
friends and people I actually know.
For Valentine’s Day, I made twelve
gift bags and I made a Valentine’s
Day crane that is in each gift bag, so I do it for friends and people I know as
well. I am kind of at a place now where
if someone really wanted something I
would definitely figure out a way to
make it for them.”
In response to all the missed
connections, Nguyen is very
appreciative.
“To everyone who has written me
missed connections, thank you again
for all your love,” Ngyuen said. “I’m
glad everyone can enjoy my paper
crafts. Kitty says thank you too, all the
happy comments on her. If you ever
want to say hello to me or Kitty, feel
free to come visit me in the Dovecote
or wherever you can find me. I’m
always happy to chat :) Love, Dovecote
Crane Girl.”
Amid all the drama on Missed
Connections, the numerous
submissions for Nguyen have been
a wholesome palate cleanser for the
host and the audience.
“I posted publicly on the
Instagram that this girl has three
more (submissions) coming this week
and immediately after I posted that,
she got a ton more of people wanting
to talk about her and saying ‘oh my
God I know her’ and ‘I have also
seen her stuff,’” the host said. “Even
after posting the one about all those
submissions I am continuing to get
more about the Dovecote Crane Girl.”
Looking towards the future, the
host hopes to find someone to take
over the role for the 2023-2024
academic year. The longevity of
Missed Connections is undetermined,
but the host hopes to put out feelers
soon to continue the legacy.
“Anybody who does take it on
should downsize the scope,” the host
said. “The only way I can make it
the way it is now is because I am
a second semester senior and I
finished my thesis last semester.
Whoever takes it on next year should
downsize the scope, maybe not
make it a radio show. I do love the
radio show aspect and I find it really
funny.”
For those interested, tune into the
Missed Connections radio show on
Mondays at 6 p.m. at www.kphstream.
mixlr.com or on the Mixlr app. KPH DJ talks resurrgence of Missed Connections
Senior radio host brings back popular campus segment, Dovecote Girl speaks on newfound popularity
Student guide to viewing Portland’s perfect petals
With Old Man Winter finally retiring, spring blossoms wake up, several local parks boast blooms
By PAIGE ANDERSON
AS SPRING approaches and
the sunshine bathes our city
slightly more frequently, the
plants and flowers begin to finally
show their phenomenal myriad of
colors and patterns. The following
will guide you through the very best
spots to enjoy the new spring blooms.
Tryon State Park
For the student who does not have
the time or access to travel to further
parts of Portland, Tryon State Park is
right across the street from campus
and offers some beautiful diversity in
the springtime blooms.
Among the healthy plethora of
moss and ferns, delicate trillium,
Sheep sorrel and evergreen violets
introduce a variety of colors to
compliment the vibrant greens of
the Tryon landscape. Bright yellow
Daffodils can be seen popping up all
over campus and throughout the park,
and gorgeous pink Camellias with
incredible petal patterns invite one
to take a close look at the flowering
trees.
The Oregon Iris has also begun to
grace us with its presence: look closely
along the sides of the trails to spot the
bright purple and yellow six-petaled
flowers. Dotted throughout Tryon and
in mass on campus, pink, purple, blue
and yellow Hyacinths and Crocus are
bursting through the soil, brightening
up our walks to and from class.
Tom McCall Waterfront Park
The cherry blossoms along the river’s
edge in downtown Portland are an iconic spot to visit in springtime.
Rows and rows of gorgeous pink
blossoms line the waterfront,
perched on small hills of bright
green grass. This is a common
photo spot, where Portlanders and
visitors alike gather to appreciate
these first, special signs of the
changing season. Stretching along NW Naito Way,
one can meander along the park path
lined by the trees on either side, taking
in the sights. Occasionally, Oregonians
will gather and play music in some of
the paved parts of the park, creating an
inviting atmosphere that emphasizes
the hope and promise of sunshine that
the cherry blossoms represent. International Rose Test Garden
Though still a little ways ahead,
Portland’s famous rose garden will
soon be in full bloom. In late April
and May, visitors can expect the
Rose Garden to explode with dozens
of different types of roses. The
experience offers a bit of history, as
each bush is marked with the year in which the roses were introduced to
Oregon. Beginning in 1918, flower
hybridists in England would send
rose samples to Oregon to see how
they would thrive, allowing for a rich
diversity of colors, smells and types.
The rose is an important flower to
the city of Portland, as Rose City is
one of its common nicknames, and
the rose bloom is a must-see for any
Portlander. Additionally, the Rose
Garden is positioned right across
from the Portland Japanese Garden,
where Wisteria winds across arbors
and white Viburnum flourish near
the ponds.
Crystal Springs Rhododendron
Garden
In Southeast Portland near
Reed College, this garden offers a
gorgeous variety of Rhododendrons
and Azaleas. Access to the garden is
$5, except on Mondays, when entry
is free though donations are still
recommended. A day could easily be
spent wandering through the garden,
smelling the sweet scent of Daphne
blossoms in the warming breeze,
gazing at the multicolored Hellebores
and pink Cyclamen which have just
begun to emerge. Magnolia and Plum
trees have also begun to blossom
all over the city and throughout the
garden.
All over the city, Portland has
beauty to offer. We are lucky enough
to live in a place where we can look
outside our dorms and classrooms
and relish the sight of the gorgeous
array of plant life which comes with
Oregon springtime.
Members of the Portland community flock down to Tom McCall Waterfront Park to enjoy the newly bloomed Cherry Blossoms.PAIGE ANDERSON/THE MOSSY LOGHALCYON ORVENDAL/THE MOSSY LOGFRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
ARTS 9
Mossy
Music
editorial
recommendations
"Where No One Goes"
By John Powell and Jónsi
This song is from one of my favorite
movies "How to Train Your Dragon"
2. It is a very uplifting song (and
movie) and it carries me away when
I find myself getting too stressed
with finals. I recommend this for the
artists and the daydreamers who find
peace and inspiration in the skies.
— Corrina Chan '25
"One Hour Photo"
By Swiss Army Wife
I like a lot of Swiss Army Wife
songs, but I love "OHP" especially
for the deep bass line and lyrical
heartache. If you love emo, I must
recommend the full Swiss Army Wife
discography as an upcoming new
classic to the genre.
— Madeleine McWilliamson '24
"Fantasma"
By Cornelius
Cornelius emerged on the
international scene after his 1997
album Fantasma. Forget the Beatles,
forget the Beach Boys, forget Beck—
no one has used the studio as an
instrument like Cornelius. Fantasma
oscillates between the kaleidoscopic,
the serene and the schizophrenic.
— Leo Bernstein Newman '23
"Auld Lang Syne"
By Leslie Odom Jr.
"ALS" is a song of tradition. It is often
referred to as the New Year’s Eve song,
but it is originally from Scotland and
some of the lyrics are written in Scots.
Auld Lang Syne translates to times long
past and Odom’s beautiful, modern
rendition extends the timelessness
to the twenty-first century, creating a
space to remember those we no longer
see.
— Noah Reese-Clauson '25
"We didn’t plan
for issue 50 to be a
double issue or an
extended issue and
then the student
body decided it was
going to be one"
— Jillian JacksonBy NOAH REESE-CLAUSON
ON APRIL 21, Palatine Hill
Review (PHR), formerly
the Lewis & Clark Literary
Review, will release their 50th edition
“Growing Pains.”
The issue will be distributed that
day at the release party, beginning
at 6 p.m. in the Frank Manor House
Armstrong Lounge. “Growing Pains”
contains student poetry, prose,
photography and visual art, along
with one staff work.
Co-Editors-in-Chief Jillian Jackson’s
’23 and AJ Di Nicola ’24 have been
facilitating the book’s creation this
year. According to Jackson, helping
students enter the world of publication
is central to PHR’s goal.
“Our mission is to empower the
student writers
and student visual
artists on campus,”
Jackson said. “For
many of them,
this is their first
publishing credit
which is really
exciting and can
be not only a great
thing to put on their
resume but a great
experience to know
that someone out
there believes in
their art and wants
to put it out in the world.”
Students have certainly taken
advantage of the opportunity this
year. “Growing Pains” will be a 332-
page double issue, due to a massive
influx of student submission right
before the deadline.
“We didn’t plan for issue 50 to be a
double issue or an extended issue and
then the student body decided it was
going to be one,” Jackson said.
The influx of submissions also
created an influx of work for the editors.
“I pulled my first all nighter trying
to get this thing straightened out,”
Di Nicola said. “I spent probably 36
hours straight on the review. I do
not recommend (it) and we’re trying
to avoid this in the future. That was
also a thing I did at my own volition.”
Despite the heftiness of the time
commitment, it is still, as Jackson
said, “a labor of love.”
“Bone Meal,” the forty-ninth
edition, won first class honors from
the Associated Collegiate Press (ACP) and was also longer than
previous years.
“That was probably our biggest
book in the last couple of years, at
least it was like 180 pages and that
was the first time in, again, a couple
of years that we had tried to really
increase our design capabilities,” Di
Nicola said. “It was really exciting to
see that.”
In addition to the praise that they
received from the APC, PHR also
received constructive criticism on
certain elements of “Bone Meal’s”
layout that guided their work on this
years issue.
“Growing Pains” is unique from
previous issues in that it will feature
reprints of alumni work from past
issues. For many of the alumni, their
first publishing credits came from
PHR. Additionally,
the 50th edition
has four alternate
student-designed
covers — selected
through a contest in
the fall — all of which
are in the same color
scheme. Each issue
will have the other
covers inside as well.
The color scheme
is important to
making the volume
“a cohesive work of
art,” as Di Nicola
said. Design Editor Elizabeth Huntley
’25 worked with the design board to
decide on a palette.
“When it comes to design, (the)
design board does meet during fall
semester to decide collectively on a
color palette, on body and title fonts and
things like that,” Huntley said. “So that
way, that’s the theme throughout the
entire book. So it’s unique between years,
but still, within each book, cohesive.”
Crafting the student submissions
into one longer work can be very
meaningful. “When I graduate, I think
(PHR) is going to be what I miss most,”
Jackson said.
Submissions for PHR’s 51st
edition open Friday, April 14, and
graduating seniors are welcome
to submit. Additionally, anyone is
welcome to apply for the editorial
board regardless of major and
leadership will provide training on
how to respectfully engage with
student submissions. Submissions can
be sent in to tinyurl.com/litsubmit24. Renamed review
celebrates 50 years
By SUMMER DAE BINDER
JOHANNA HOUSKA is this year’s
first place winner of the Arlene
Schnitzer Visual Arts Prize.
In 2013, the Harold & Arlene
Schnitzer CARE foundation created
the prize to showcase the quality of
visual art education at Portland State
University (PSU) and to commemorate
the late Arlene Schnitzer, who dedicated
her interest to the arts and culture of
Portland. First prize winners receive
$5,500, while second prize winners
receive $4,000 and third prize
winners receive $3,000.
Houska received a Community
Health Education (CHE) from the
London College of Fashion in 2018 and
a BFA from Portland State University
in 2022. She specializes in developing
textiles for furniture, apparel and
fine art. Her work on textile design
and its application focuses on ethical
and sustainable sourcing, design and
construction. Her practice seeks to
solve problems through design and
asks which materials can bridge the
human relationship to nature and
advance connections between people
and products.
Houska’s exhibition “Networks”
plays with how textiles can create
objects of varying utility. The series of
pieces are connected through materials
and techniques. The physical material
reveals how handmade pieces can
communicate craft while serving a
purpose on our bodies. One of the pieces
from the exhibition called “To walk in”
is a pair of shoes made of tencel, plant
dyes, banana fiber, cotton canvas,
ceramic tile and deadstock leather.
A lot of the work is similar in that it
highlights the slow and meticulous
process of using plants, stone and other
earth materials.
The second place winner is Shelbie
Loomis, who graduated from PSU
with a MFA in Art + Social Practice.
After graduation, she founded the Park
Arts AIR of Jantzen Beach on Hayden
Island in North Portland. Her practice
explores stories of the Hayden Island
community and history, value of time
and labor, forming relationships and
grief. She uses drawings and digital 3D
rendering to explore her community
and neighbors.
The socially engaged project created
by Loomis is called “The Art We Value” (2022). Loomis collaborates with
community members and highlights
neighbors in the Hayden Island RV
Park & Mobile Home Community to
create a collection of memories to
share. She uses her neighbors as artists
and aims to celebrate community,
recognition and value of their passions.
She wants to publicly empower the
people living on this island who are
threatened by gentrification. Park Arts
have created workshops, concerts and
publications, individually working with
each participant to ideate and execute
their ideas publicly. One of the works
exhibited includes “Madonna’s Hands
Creating Paper Lanterns,” a beautifully
crafted blue pen drawing.
Third place was awarded to Nia
Musiba, who is a multidisciplinary
artist. She is committed to diversifying
art and design spaces and this
practice has manifested primarily in
community-based projects and public
art since 2019. Musiba is interested
in collaboration, experimentation,
question-asking and friendship
building of art. Throughout her work
and depictions of Black and Brown
bodies, she reclaims the tenderness
and complexities of her own identity,
creating a place for people of color
historically stereotyped as brutal and
hyper-sexual in art and media.
Musiba’s exhibit “This is A Sign”
explores how humans use signs to
perceive and place meaning on arbitrary
words, symbols and circumstances in
hopes for answers. The exhibit raises
questions about a sign’s purpose and
prompts viewers to consider what signs
do for us. Musiba’s series of posters,
sculptures and found images encourage
viewers to experience what signs are
intended to do: Create specific yet
somehow universal messages that at
the same time are meaningless, childish
and intellectual. The installation
includes a stop sign that says “missing
you” and a poster that reads “some of
the cutest boys are really girls.”
The eligibility criteria for the prizes
includes applicants pursuing a major in
one of the PSU School of Art + Design
programs, which include Art Practice, Art
History and Graphic Design. Applicants
must also be enrolled with half-time or
greater status during the term in which they
apply. All award winners must participate
in an exhibition held in their honor at the
Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art at PSU.The Museum of Art at PSU is free to the public from Tuesday-Saturday 11-5 p.m. LEO BERNSTEIN NEWMAN/THE MOSSY LOGPSU hosts winners of
Schnitzer art award
Student editors of the Palatine Hill Review lay out the pages for the 50th edition.COURTESY OF THE PALATINE HILL REVIEW
FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
ARTS 10
By J FRANK
WITH THE end of the academic
year quickly approaching,
music students are
preparing to present the culmination
of their practice. Many music
performance and composition classes
at Lewis & Clark include a required
recital component. In addition to
working to improve technique under
instruction all semester, through
recitals students learn to showcase
their skills in performance.
Recitals also provide an
opportunity for music students of
all instruments, disciplines and skill
levels to engage with each other’s
work. Vocal performance major
True Duerden ’23 spoke about the
community-building benefit of
recitals.
“It helps introduce people to what’s
possible in the world
of music,” Duerden
said. “It’s really
exciting to see what
everybody’s doing on
campus and it helps
build a community
especially within the
music department
because you go to
each other’s recitals
and see what’s going
on.”
Duerden’s senior
degree recital is
tomorrow. The senior degree recital is required for those graduating with a
degree in music and
is intended to be a
presentation of the
student’s work and
development in their
area of concentration
throughout their
four years of study.
Students compared
the degree recital to
a thesis presentation
or paper that other
majors complete
to showcase the
knowledge and skills
they have gained.
“It’s a way to
see the culmination of all your work
at Lewis & Clark,” Duerden said. “You
gather up all the music that you’ve
worked on throughout your time at
Lewis & Clark. Some of it you learn
during your senior
year and then some
of it is supposed to
be from previous
years to show your
growth. Whereas
maybe an English
major would have to
write a long thesis
paper, we get to have
a senior recital, and in
our recital program
notes we show off
the knowledge we’ve
learned about the
music we’re doing, and people can just hear what you’ve been working on. It’s
really rewarding.”
Both Duerden
and Seamus Brindley
’23, who recently
performed his degree
recital in classical
piano, said that while
it is impossible to
avoid the nerves,
performing gets easier
with experience.
The best thing to do,
Brindley said, is to not
fight the nervousness
and to accept that the
performance may not
be perfect.
“If you’re putting the work into it
everyday with practicing, that’s all you
can do,” Brindley said. “With presenting
music or art, you want it to be a certain
way because you’re trying to express
something, so it is like ‘Ugh I don’t
want to make a mistake.’ But the worst
that can happen when you’re playing
is really that you make a mistake, and
that’s a human thing to do. Especially
here, when people are going to
recitals, they’re just getting together to
appreciate art and support their friends
and share music together. If and when
you make a mistake, it’s not an earth-
shattering thing, and it can just become
a part of the music and the moment.”
There are many recitals coming
up this month, where you can support
your peers’ work while enjoying diverse
styles of music for free. Student musicians showcase
skills in end-of-year recitals
Arts Editor Paige A. Anderson poses alongside PNW drag queen Jinkx Monsoon.COURTESY OF PAIGE A. ANDERSON
By PAIGE A. ANDERSON
TWO-TIME DRAG race winner and
dubbed “Queen of All Queens,”
Jinkx Monsoon has just been cast
in the long-running and iconic British
time-traveling adventure series “Doctor
Who.” By far the most famous queen
from the Pacific Northwest, Monsoon
is a Portlander who began their drag
career in Seattle at the age of 15.
Monsoon starred in many musical
theater performances, such as “Rent,”
“Hairspray” and “Spring Awakening,”
before their career was fully launched
by her participation in “RuPaul’s
Drag Race.” Known for her voice and
singing ability, Monsoon also voiced
the character Emerald on the popular
animated show “Steven Universe.”
Monsoon, recently successful in
their performance as Matron “Mama”
Morton in the musical “Chicago” on
Broadway, has spoken expressively
about how her participation in the
performance has been an incredible
experience. Their participation in
“Chicago” was an important moment
for the queer community, as it was the
first time a drag queen had been cast in
that particular role.
“The kids are saying ‘she ate,’ so I
figured, I might as well have seconds,”
Monsoon said to Broadway Direct. “In
all seriousness, playing for standing-
room-only crowds throughout my run
as Mama has got my mind blown and
my heart full. Audiences from all over
the world have generously brought so
much joy to this show. The ‘Chicago’
cast has become my family, and I’ve
made friends for life. I’m super excited
for what the rest of the year holds, but
first, I’m gonna keep feeling my oats on
the Broadway stage.”
During the 8-week runtime of
“Chicago,” Monsoon’s participation
broke box office records. As it turns out,
Monsoon will be “feeling their oats”
all the way to England and throughout
time and space.
“Doctor Who” has been a staple
of British entertainment since it first
premiered in 1963 as a cheesy, low
budget tale of The Doctor, a timelord
who travels through all of time, space
and history to defeat evils and save the
world (England, mostly), often with a
human companion, over and over again.
Up until October 2018, the role of
the Doctor had only been played by men, until Jodi Whittaker accepted her
role as the 13th Doctor, introducing a
new aspect to the old show. After facing
a lot of criticism by lifelong fans of
“Doctor Who,” Whittaker feels that the
“gender question” has finally ceased to
be of importance.
“Being a woman is who I am,”
Whittaker told the Guardian. “And
with this part, being a woman has
less relevance than any other part I’ve
played, except for that monumental
historical moment of being the first
woman Doctor.
As an avid lover of both drag and
“Doctor Who,” I was fascinated and
excited by the announcement that Jinkx
Monsoon has been cast in a major role,
which has yet to be revealed. What
will Monsoon bring to “Doctor Who”?
Known for her quick wit and title as a
comedy queen, Monsoon will surely
bring new life to the long-running
British show. As the first non-binary
actor cast on “Doctor Who,” Monsoon,
along with Ncuti Gatwa, brings a fresh
breath of queer representation to
British television. Gatwa, who played
Eric Effiong in the hit Netflix series
“Sex Education,” has been revealed to
be the 15th Doctor, bringing both more
queer and Black representation to the
TV show.
One of the writers and visionaries
of “Doctor Who,” Russell T Davies, said
that with Monsoon’s participation in
“Doctor Who,” the show will never be
the same.
“In a galaxy of comets and
supernovas, here comes the biggest
star of all,” Davis said in a press
statement. “Jinkx Monsoon is on a
collision course with the TARDIS.”
Alongside Monsoon, icons from
“Doctor Who”’s past will be featured
in the 15th season in November
2023; David Tennant and Catherine
Tate are expected to appear in three
special episodes to celebrate the
show’s 60th anniversary. With this
new era of Doctor Who, I am unsure
what to expect from the promise that
Monsoon will have “a major part” in
the series. Hopefully, it means they
will be featured all throughout the
season and not only in a few episodes
or specials.
No matter what, I greatly look forward
to seeing them undoubtedly steal the
show and make me laugh all the while. It
is Monsoon season, after all.
Monsoon and Gatwa will bring queer representation to season 14 of “Doctor Who.”COURTESY OF ASTRID STAWIARZ/GETTY IMAGESJinkx Monsoon cast
in “Doctor Who” role
April 15, 3:00 p.m.
Diane Gregg Pavilion
April 15, 7:30 p.m.
Evans Auditorium
April 19, 7:30 p.m.
Evans Auditorium
April 21, 7:30 p.m.
Agnes Flanagan Chapel
April 22, 7:30 p.m.
Evans Auditorium
April 23, 7:30 p.m.
Agnes Flanagan Chapel
April 24, 7:30 p.m.
Evans Auditorium
April 25, 7:30 p.m.
Evans Auditorium
April 26, 7:30 p.m.
Evans Auditorium
April 28, 7:30 p.m.
Evans Auditorium
April 29, 3:00 p.m.
Agnes Flanagan Chapel
April 29, 7:30 p.m.
Agnes Flanagan Chapel
April 30, 3:00 p.m.
Seitz LoungePiano Students Recital
True Duerden Senior Degree Vocal
Performance Recital
Composition Students Recital
Orchestra and Choir Joint Recital
Wind Symphony and Percussion
Ensemble
Susan DeWitt Smith Piano Recital
Electronic Music students recital
Jazz Night
Kalea Kaui Senior Degree Viola
Recital
Sebastian Aljian and Emma
Breitbard-Rasmussen Joint Vocal
Performance Recital
Jaxson Price Marimba Recital
Kate Stratton and Kathryn Kiskinen
Joint Vocal Performance Recital
Jack Waite Piano Recital Featuring accompaniment by other
student musicians
Soprano performing classical works
featuring student accompaniment
Showcase of students’ compositions,
performed by other student musicians
The Orchestra and Choirs will join
forces to perform Fauré’s “Requiem”
Featuring marimba arrangement of
Bohemian Rhapsody
Solo performance by Music
Department Chair and Piano Director
Showcase of student compositions with
accompanying videos
LC Jazz Combos present jazz music
from the past 50 years
Pieces of contrasting styles and eras
collected across three years of study
Featuring selections from Schubert’s
“Die schöne Müllerin”
Unique percussion instrument, played
with four handheld mallets
Sopranos performing Romantic era
music about accepting grief
Featuring accompaniment by other
student musiciansApril performance schedule lists many types of shows to attendRecitals give students the opportunity to show off their hard work to peers and practice performing in a friendly environment.J FRANK/THE MOSSY LOG
“It helps introduce
people to what’s
possible in the world
of music. It’s really
exciting to see what
everybody’s doing on
campus and it helps
build a community.”
—True Duerden
“When people are
going to recitals,
they’re just getting
together to appreciate
art and support their
friends and share
music together.”
—Seamus Brindley
COURTESY OF NADAV BEN DAVID J FRANK/THE MOSSY LOGBy CORRINA CHAN
MANY STUDIES, some
more recent, have shown
that regular exercise
greatly improves mental and
physical health in the long term and is enhanced even further with
consistency.
Sports are a good way to create
motivation, as they can make exercise
feel like a game and come with a
short term dopamine and adrenaline
release. Libby Barrese ’24, a member of LC’s rowing team described the
positive impact of sports and time
outside on their mental health.
“Being on a team sport has
been a benefit to my mental health
throughout college,” Barrese said.
“Being able to get outside every day
and row on the Willamette with my
teammates helps me maintain a
healthy mindset. I love the water and
rowing is a huge part of what keeps
me refreshed and active throughout
the week.”
Sports can often also help
with stress management, studies
have shown very many times that
they produce an antidepressant-
like effect in both lab mice and in
humans.
Isabelle DeMarte, an associate
professor of French, who recently
started exercising regularly said she
feels better on days where she is
active.
“Especially coming from
somebody who used to not exercise
regularly … but who now does
exercise regularly, I see, on a daily
basis, a difference between when I
don’t move and a day when I go for a
run or a walk,” DeMarte said. “It has
a direct impact on my mood and on
the positivity of my mood.”
Beyond personal impacts, team
sports such as soccer, rowing or
volleyball, where people work
together to achieve goals can greatly
benefit one’s social environment,
which has a great impact on their
mentality. There is a strong sense of
community and camaraderie in team
sports.
“Having a support system of
so many people with a similar
experience to me is amazing. Barrese
said “the commitment of sheer time and physical energy is grueling,
but I have made my strongest
friendships with the people that are
always by my side going through
the same thing.”
Although there are many other
activities that one can participate in
that require group work, the effect
of team sports are amplified by the
physical exercise and competitive
nature of the activities.
Where one might feel lonely
while working or living alone,
having a shared community,
especially where one can physically
benefit from the activity, can make
them feel less alone and more
motivated in general.
Pairing exercise and movement
with meditation and mindfulness
can improve focus and cognitive
processes.
“I listen to guided meditation of
various kinds on a daily basis for
several years because I had physical
health issues,” DeMarte said. “ …
I would have a hard time sleeping
or staying asleep. I would wake up,
my mind would be on a treadmill
… or on a wheel that doesn’t stop
turning. Similar to the effects of
physical exercise and mood, the
effect of meditation has allowed me
to slow down the stress related pace
of work and life in general. ”
Getting outside once in a while
or getting away from the stresses
of work or school life is greatly
beneficial for everyone. Moving
your body or calming the mind
can often take you away, at least
temporarily, from the physical or
mental stressors that can start to
weigh on you. Walking or playing
outside with friends or even alone
greatly improves one’s mental
health, especially with consistency.FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
SPORTS 11
By CLAIRE BACO
THIS WEEK student athletes
at Lewis & Clark celebrated
Division III (DIII) week, an
event organized by Student Athlete
Advisory Committee (SAAC) to
highlight the opportunities athletes
here have and the difference competing
at an National Collegiate Athletic
Associatin (NCAA) DIII school makes.
The NCAA includes most
accredited colleges and universities
in the United States and divides
all member schools into three
divisions. LC is a NCAA Division
III school. There are also National
Association of Intercollegiate
Athletics (NAIA) schools, which
are all one division.
Division I schools are mostly
public state schools, Ivy Leagues
and other large institutions.
Division II schools are mostly
larger private schools, and Division
III are mostly small liberal arts
schools. Which division a school
falls under actually has nothing
to do with the number of students
or programs. It is decided by the
number of teams the school hosts.
Generally, bigger schools can fill
more sports teams with players,
and thus are in higher leagues.
Division III is designed to
give athletes more flexibility
in prioritizing academics and
diversifying their extracurriculars.
Macy O’Hara ’24, who is on the
Track & Field and Women’s Soccer
teams, values that flexibility highly.
“I think being able to go to a
DIII school allows me to play sports
I really love.” O’Hara said. “And so
I’m able to follow through with all
of my passions academically and
through my sports.”
SAAC president Sophia Pitre ’23,
from the Rowing team, values her
ability to participate without the
pressure athletes would experience
in higher-level competition.“My coaches understand that
we are at a Division III level, and
they adjust their expectations to
Pitre. They’re not expecting us to be
practicing seven days a week at 7 a.m.,
every single day. They understand
that our bodies need time to rest, and
that us athletes are balancing it as
well,” she said.
Students at NCAA DI, NCAA
DII and NAIA schools may receive
athletic scholarships. Division rules
mandate that no scholarships for
athletics are offered at DIII schools.
Student-athletes may receive any other
scholarship so long as it is expressly
not offered by the institution for a
sports program.
There are benefits and drawbacks
to both systems. Athletic scholarships
offer once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to athletes who would otherwise
not be able to attend college.
However, they come with catches.
One such catch is the possibility
of losing one’s scholarship if an
injury, poor grades, or another
circumstance stops the athlete from
actively competing. Circumstances
can be career-ending not only in
the potential for a professional
sports career, but also stop lower-
income students from being able
to attend school at all. The value of
competing at a NCAA DIII school is
that if an athlete must take time off
of the sport to focus on school or
recovering from an injury, there are
no financial consequences.
Not everyone thinks DIII schools
should be kept from offering
scholarships, though.“I do believe that division three
schools should be able to offer athletic
scholarships,” Petri said. “ … I think
there should be a cap of how much
is allowed. Because I do feel like
when money gets involved, maybe
some individuals choose to take a
scholarship for not the right reasons,
like maybe they aren’t in love with
their sport, but they want to get to
college or vice versa.”
Student athletes come from a
variety of backgrounds, and the DIII
rules seek to offer a flexible system
that allows student athletes more
freedom to pursue other interests and
focus on academics while continuing
their athletic career. No system is
perfect, but students are grateful
for the opportunities they’ve had to
compete at this level at LC.Athletes participating in DIII week
discuss unique cultural opportunity
The track at Griswald Stadium is open to athletes and non-athletes alike for training.LEO BERNSTEIN NEWMAN/THE MOSSY LOGSCORES
Baseball
LC v Linfield: W 11-5,
W 9-5, W 7-4
LC v Corban U: W 3-2
LC v Pacific U: L 9-10,
L 7-8
LC v UPS: L 1-15
LC v Willamette U: L
6-9, W 9-1, W 5-1
LC v Pacific U: W 7-2
Golf
Men’s
LC at NWC Spring
Classic: 9th
Rowing
Men’s
LC at Pioneer Crew
Invitational:
2V/Novice 4+: 1st
Varsity 4+: 2nd
Varsity 8+: 1st
LC at Collegiate Cov -
ered Bridge Regatta:
Varsity 8+: 6th
2V 4+: 7th
Women’s
LC at Pioneer Crew
Invitational:
2V/Novice 4+: 1st,
2nd, 3rd
Varsity/2V 8+: 2nd,
3rd
Novice 4+: 1st
LC at Collegiate Cov -
ered Bridge Regatta:
2V 8+: 1st
Novice 4+: 3rd
Varsity 8+: 3rd
2V/Novice 8+: 2nd
Tennis
Men’s
LC v U of O club: W 7-2
LC v UPS: W 9-0
Women’s
LC v UPS: W 7-2
Track & Field
Men’s & Women’s
Competed at:
Willamette Invitational
Mike Fanelli Track
Classic
Pacific University
Multis
Pacific Open
John Knight Twilight
NWC Championship
Multi Meet
Athletes of the Week
Mar. 28 - Apr. 5
Luke Bass ’24
Roberta Moore ’26
Apr. 6 - Apr. 12
Maggie O’Leary ’26
Brandon Gonzaga ’26Student athletes practice in athletic facilities in Pamplin Sports Center, home to weight rooms, cardio equipment, offices, and more.
LEO BERNSTEIN NEWMAN/THE MOSSY LOGSpending time playing sports, athletics
positively affects community mental health
12FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2023
It took Reed's Quest a whole issue to be
half as funny as The Backdoor.
New grad program offers seniors another try
Squandered undergraduate student experiences remedied via ultimate blow-off classes on partying, jazz
By MAYA MAZOR-HOOFIEN
HEY SENIORS! CAN you feel it? The
finish line is close. Tantalizingly.
As you finish cobbling together
your thesis and push through your final
remaining GE classes (we have to take PE
in college?), you may be finding yourself
feeling a little empty. But before you chalk
it up to seasonal depression (it is April, after
all), think back on your college experience.
Was it everything you wanted it to be?
Studies have shown that an
overwhelming 69% of seniors leave
college with little more than high-interest
loans and a degree that will rapidly
depreciate in value. The quintessential
college memories are increasingly being
passed over, in favor of focusing on
studies, health and being an overall loser.
Did that pesky Generalized Anxiety
Disorder keep you in your Copeland
double for your whole freshman year? Or
what about that time COVID-19 resulted
in every plan and party you got excited
over being canceled last minute? Forget
missing prom — you were robbed of your
chance to black out at an improv show, just
like you promised your parents you would!
With all these concerns in mind, Lewis
& Clark has decided to give seniors a
second chance at the college experience.
In the 2023 - 2024 school year, LC is
excited to introduce its newest graduate
program, “False Start.”
Admitted seniors will attend the
one-year program, beginning in Fall
‘23, designed to help students fill in the
gaps they missed the first time around. Completion of the program will earn
students an MFA or a license as an
ordained minister in the State of Oregon,
which may actually have more value.
Interested? Take a look at a sampling
of the course offerings and see if False
Start could be right for you.
Jazz Appreciation
LC’s jazz scene is as quintessential
to our unique culture as Carhartt,
communism or blatant homophobia from
gay people. Not a jazz fan? Not a problem.
No one is. This course will teach you what
so many have already learned: how to
pretend to like jazz. Wow, check out that
pentatonic scale! Modulate that key! Take
a 5-minute solo, you deserve it! These
terms and more will be covered in the
course, and the final exam will consist of a
conversation with a jazz drummer during
which you will have to listen to whatever
underground artist he plays you from his
very cool Spotify without pretending you
have to go to the bathroom.
Keg Stands 101
Sure, college kids love to party – going
to a “party school” is a legitimate ambition.
But you decided to go to LC, so naturally
you missed out on your chance to rage
against the machine as an undergrad. This
course is for you! The class will consist of a
series of field trips to the best of Portland’s
party scene. Get mono from sharing a
cigarette with a stranger at a house show.
Sprain your ankle at a rave and figure out
how to walk home from downtown. Go to
a children’s dance recital on shrooms. Get
caught publicly urinating. Extra credit will
be given for showing up visibly hungover to class; indoor sunglasses and everything.
Fake IDs will be required, regardless of
being over 21, as will smelling salts and an
alibi for Cobain's suicide.
Fiction 1
As a liberal arts college, LC believes
students should invest in creative pursuits
alongside their real degrees. This course
will help you get in touch with your
emotions and write some really worrying,
ah, “fiction.” Therapy is hard and expensive.
So rather than working through your issues
with a licensed professional, detail your
deepest traumas with self-indulgent mixed
metaphors and unnecessarily graphic
imagery. Better yet, plagiarize Taylor Swift
lyrics. No one will notice.
Please note, class participation grades
are not just based on speaking up a few
times, but on how traumatized you leave
your classmates with readings that begin
with half-hearted content warnings and
declarations of not intending on causing
any discomfort.
COURSETITLETBD
That title is no error. This four credit
course has no subject, no professor, and
no content. It meets daily at 8 a.m. in
BoDine 300, which you will never find out
because you will skip it every time.
Toxic! Unhealthy relationship
dynamics in late adolescents
Were you friendless your freshman
year? Or, even worse, did you have
kind, respectful, healthy friendships?
Save that shit for the PTA! We are
young, we are messy, and we leave the
emotional maturity for the AARP. In
this course, you will learn how to have the drama-filled, hostile relationships of
your wildest Gossip Girl dreams. Take
screenshots. Post them.
If False Start sounds right for you,
applications are due June 1. Panicked
emails saying that, like, mental health
struggles or inability to manage a Google Calendar prevented you from
applying on time, but you would still
‘really appreciate the opportunity
to be considered!’ will be accepted
until July 15. Application fees are
non-waivable and refunds will not be
issued upon rejection.
Someone call 911! My roommate is
unresponsive & starting to turn grayTop admin talks hack,
foils takeover attempt
By MAX ALLEN
LEWIS & CLARK College boasts
a robust administrative staff of
experienced professionals. They
seem to spend their days bustling
about, answering phone calls, typing
aggressively at their desktops, firing
up the old fax machine, and so forth.
But the truth is something rather more
peculiar. And it all revolves around the
individual who truly keeps the university
as we know it running: Associate Deputy
to the Vice President of Secondary
Administration Jeannie Lawrence.
I entered the Frank Manor offices
to tumbleweeds rolling and snakes
rattling. A little confused, I started to
turn around, when a flurry of movement
caught my eye -- Lawrence. I introduced
myself with my pseudonym “Max Allen”
and wondered aloud where everyone was.
"That is the issue, right? Those darned
hackers and their malware! My colleagues
are right out there,” Lawrence said.
I glanced out the window to the patio,
and jumped back with a gasp. There, facing
me, arranged neatly in three rows, were
a couple dozen people clad in business
casual, smiling vaguely, glazed eyes locked
onto my own. I asked Lawrence why
they looked like that, but she waved the
question away.
“Never mind that! Don’t you have
some questions for me?” she said.
I tore my gaze away from the spooky
scene outside. Eyes on the prize.
“Uh — yes, yes. What are your roles as
an Associate Deputy Assistant to the Vice
President of Secondary Administration?”
“Oh, you know. The basics,” Lawrence
said. “Getting people coffee, feeding the
mascots, keeping the machines running,
maintaining every essential function
within the college as well as managing
every important internal and external
communication, holding the physical and
metaphysical fabrics of space and time
together on our campus. Also copy-making”
“Wow, that seems intense. How do
you manage all that?” I asked. Privately,
I wondered whether I would be able to
manage it when this place was ours.
Jeannie’s voice brought me back to
the present. “You know, it sure helps to
have such a well-oiled team — although
these past few weeks have been tough for
me,” she said. “Those bloomin’ hackers,
I tell you what. Ever since it all went
down, I just have not been able to keep
up. Washing machines going haywire,
along with CSCPay — first time they have
ever cooperated with each other. Water
stopped flowing in the Bon for a while there; student vandalism has been way up,
they are stealing all the ampersands now,
for unknown purposes; campus squirrels
are chonkier than ever — oops! There goes
the Dean again!”
Outside the window, a middle-aged
fellow in a salmon shirt had begun to
spout sparks from between his grinning
teeth. Wrenching open the antique metal
casing, Lawrence lobbed an LC-branded
mug at his head. Upon connecting, the
sparks ceased.
“Anywho,” Lawrence continued
nonchalantly, “The administration
just has not been the same since their
software went down. I have really been
finding out how limited my ideas are
without them. I had to ask ChatGPT
which color to paint Templeton, and no
idea of mine will compare to some of the
whoppers my colleagues have come up
with. I mean, the s’mores pit in Fowler?
Pure genius.”
I left the interview out the side door, a
wicked grin on my face. Phase one was a
total success. The human mastermind was
confirmed to be isolated. It was time for us
to move in, to take our place as the leaders
of this university, and to reprogram the
admin team to our will.
Unfortunately, the Dean of the College
chose that precise time to explode,
throwing me against the brick of the
manor. Lawrence ran out of the building,
then pressed a button on the VPSL’s neck
which opened up the ground beneath me,
dropping me into the LC steam tunnels
“You are one of them hackers, huh?”
she called from above. “You devilish
vulture, trying to shear our community
apart and feast on our entrails!”
I smiled bitterly as she tromped away.
She was right, of course. Certainly I did
not just come to interview her, though it
saddens me to report that this article is the
only thing that came of it. It will be back to
the drawing board as soon as I find my way
out of these catacombs.By NOAH REESE-CLAUSON
COLLEGE: THE TIME of our lives
right? When I came to Lewis &
Clark, I expected the movies.
I expected beer pong and parties. I
expected to be lifelong friends with my
freshman year roommate. In typical
form, life gave me part of what I
expected, but not in the way I expected
it. My life is a movie — a horror movie.
My roommate is named Peter.
Peter... something. I do not know much
about Peter Something, but I typically
spend seven unconscious hours in a
room with him along with a few less
pleasant, waking ones. The trouble
seems to be a lack of connection.
“How are you?” I said today after
classes. Peter declined to comment.
“Did you take out the trash?” I
said. “I think I did the last few times.”
Peter grunted out an unintelligible,
almost groaning response that I took
as an affirmative. After a few more
days of an overflowing trash bin, I
realized my mistake, and took it out
myself. Again.
“We have room inspections coming
up, did you want me to schedule a time
to meet with our RA?” Nothing. The
RA came, and went, and Peter barely
moved.
There was a time at the beginning of
the semester when things were not quite
so bad. We would even talk occasionally.
“Classes were good,” Peter would
say. Or, more commonly, “Where is your
lighter?”
This was really just during the first
few weeks of school. At that point we
could still picture each other's parents
from drop off, all of my friends were
from my New Student Trip and I did not
understand why everyone complained so
much about seasonal depression. I do not remember exactly how we
went from small talk to no talk, but it was
very gradual. His skin started getting
grayer and clammier, and a large red
stain appeared on his shirt, which he has
yet to remove or wash. He would go long
stretches — as far as I can tell — without
sleeping. His presence at our shared
Words class became increasingly more
sporadic and then nonexistent.
I was worried about him, I liked the
guy and he was clearly struggling, but
whenever I tried to talk to him he would
respond only in grunts. Eventually,
grunts turned to dull hums and
sometimes, late at night, I would hear
deep scratchy groans. At this point I gave
up trying.
The only time his articulation
returned to its September form was
ironically when he was drunk.
“YO, Brandon, shit man, how are
you,” Peter said. “Have you ever eaten
squirrel? I saw a squirrel at *burp* at the
party, or maybe it was a person dressed
as a squirrel, but I came back to get my
car to try and catch it for dinner stuff,
like one of those gunther hatherers …
wait, hunter gathererers. We *burp*
should get a hermit crab.”
After that he wobbled over to the
trash can (thankfully) and proceeded to
vomit. The next day, when I went to take
out the garbage — as the room smelled
like Hand Cut Foods’ pasta primavera
— I was greeted by a red soup with
cucumbers, an army surplus MRE, other
normal foods and what to me looked
exactly like chunks of brain. I have no
idea if that was actually cranium soup,
the investigation remains incomplete,
but I couldn’t shake the feeling that
there was something… wrong.
I am not a superstitious man. I do
not believe in ghosts or astro signs
or global warming. Still, nothing else explained the groans, the grayness and
the brains.
Also, he does not do anything that
would disqualify my theory. When I leave
for classes he is in the room. When I get
back from classes he is in the room. At
this point, he gives no indication whether
or not he can tell when the door opens.
He is always looking at his
computer, either playing Call of Duty
(CoD), watching CoD YouTube or just
staring at a blank Google Doc; it has
been hard for me to sleep because of
the constant glow that is somehow
always entertaining.
The main hole in my zombie theory
is his appreciation of CoD zombies. I
doubt he would choose to wind down
by shooting digital models of his kin.
Then again, in the other modes you
shoot humans.
That, and I got an email from our
Words professor yesterday saying that
the two of us needed to come and talk to
them about academic integrity. It seems
that Peter somehow copied my essay
when I was not looking and submitted
it as his own. And here I was afraid he
would literally eat my brain.
NOAH REESE-CLAUSON/LEO BERNSTEIN
NEWMAN - THE MOSSY LOGHALCYON ORVENDAL/THE MOSSY LOGWINSLOW MORGAN/THE MOSSY LOG
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