Lewis & Clark College

The Pioneer Log: Lewis & Clark College's Student-Run Newspaper

Volume 73, Number 14

Lewis & Clark College Student Newspaper

Pioneer Log Staff

2009-02-01

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Lewis & Clark College: Pioneer Log / Mossy Log

Volume 73, Number 14 Friday, February 13, 2009 Bigger is betterthePioneer Lewis & Clar k Colle ge’s Student-R un Ne wspaperLogthe PioLog
Bon ConcoctionsPoetry Slam!
page 10
Sports:
Tennis Preseasonpage 8
page 5by Richard Mailey // staff writerTeach-In champions environment
(left to right) Professors Andrew Bernstein (History), Christine Wallin (AES), Elliot Young (History) and Rebecca
Copenhaver (Philosophy) discuss how a liberal arts education can prepare students for global climate change.PHOTO BY KATIE SUGARMAN
Law students fi ght for Sellwood shuttleSEED hosts
Eco-Olympics competition
While February is Black History Month
all around the country, all over the Lewis
& Clark campus, February is also time for the Eco-Olympics. Students Engaged in Eco-Defense (SEED) is hosting its fi rst an-nual Eco-Olympics, a competition among dorms to reduce energy consumption for 30 days.
Beginning on /T_h ursday, Feb. 5 and
continuing through /T_h ursday, Mar. 5, this friendly competition will track the prog-ress of all the dorms across LC, awarding points for total reduction of energy us-age per square foot, participation in Eco-Olympics events, planning of “Eco-Proj-ects” and organizing separate eco-themed events for dorms.
/T_h e contest, which fi nds iterations in
many universities across America, includ-ing NYU, Amherst College, Yale Univer-sity and Oberlin College, is predicated on the idea that students will be motivated by the competitive aspect of the Eco-Olym-pics to reduce their energy usage. /T_h e plan, formulated by SEED and these other American schools, is to “give people some-
thing more concrete than altruism,” said
Laura Bogar (’12), SEED member.
/T_h e concreteness of the event can be
found in the numbers and percentages SEED will calculate for each on-cam-pus dorm. /T_h e prize for the dorm with the most points at the conclusion of the month is an ice cream social with Presi-dent /T_h omas Hochstettler.
“If there is that incentive that there is
going to be a big prize at the end, hope-fully it will motivate people initially and then make it more instinctual later on,” said SEED President Rachel Young (’11). “/T_h e hope is that it will become habitual and people will fi gure out that it’s really not very hard to turn off your computer,” agreed Bogar.
Besides shutting down laptops when
they are not in use, SEED suggests
Continued on pg. 2, ECO-OLYMPICSby Sanne Stienstra // editor in chief
/T_h e National Teach-In on global warm-
ing took place at LC on /T_h ursday, Feb. 5.
Students had the opportunity to participate
in fi ve separate sessions throughout the day,
each presenting a diff erent perspective on
current environmental concerns and poten-
tial solutions.
Guest speakers ranged from Professor
Greta Binford, who discussed how global warming could cause many species to go ex-tinct, to State Senator Richard Devlin and State Representative Chris Garrett, who dis-cussed their plans to tackle environmental issues in Salem. Students and community
members were invited to engage in discus-
sion with host panels and individual speak-
ers alike.
One student, Rachel Scala (’10), said that
the teach-in events “stimulated, or revived my
concern for building a sustainable nation,” calling for “stricter regulation of our indus-
tries.” Scala expressed specifi c concern over
current fl aws inherent in national infrastruc-
ture and certain state transportation systems, drawing attention to the range of factors that “hinder much of the public from choosing feasible alternatives to automobiles”.
/T_h is concern was reiterated by David
Van’t Hoff , Sustainability Advisor to Gov-
ernor Kulongoski, during the fi fth and fi -
nal session of the day. Van’t Hoff outlined
the need to provide “eff ective transportation
choices,” and insisted that Governor Kulon-goski’s Oregon Climate Package would suc-ceed in achieving this aim amongst others.
Along with bills focusing on transporta-
tion issues, the Governor’s package would tackle other issues involving cuts to energy consumption and cleaner energy solutions.
Continued on pg. 3, TEACH-IN
by Mariah Shields // features editor
A group of Lewis & Clark Law students
have taken it upon themselves to save shuttle
service to Sellwood for the 2009-10 academ-ic year. Since law students live off campus, many rely on the Sellwood shuttle for trans-portation to and from campus. Law students will soon hold a vote in an attempt to im-plement a fee of $39 per semester to make the Sellwood shuttle self-sustainable for two four-hour blocks per day. Law students who are apprehensive or unable to pay this fee are calling for support from the undergraduate population, who also use the Sellwood shut-tle, to help lower the fee and make the shut-tle more accessible for all students.
LC Law School is world renowned for en-
vironmental law, and students want to stress this specialty by promoting their standards for support of a green environment. /T_h e Sellwood shuttle was started in 1998 in an eff ort to avoid building a larger parking lot at the Law School. At the time, all students were still commuters and their parking passes were free. A fee was implemented on parking passes to formulate a self-sustaining shuttle that would increase effi cient transportation while decreasing the law schools carbon foot-print.
With the economy in its current reces-
sion, the parking fee is no longer sustaining the shuttle, as was presented in the fi nancial forums this and last week by Dean of Stu-dents Celestino Limas. Unfortunately, many law school students, as well as undergraduate students who live off campus, have no other mode of transportation. /T_h e reason a shuttle
Continued on pg. 2, SELL WOOD“/T_h e hope is that it will be-
come habitual and people will
fi gure out that it’s really not
very hard to turn off your com-
puter,” said Laura Bogar (’12)
This
week
in
A&E:Features:Forum:
Point / Counterpoint:
Campus Smoking Ban
page 15Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008News 2 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Pioneer
Log
the
Ed i t o r s i n Ch iEf:
Danny Garcia &
Sanne Stienstra
nEw s Ed i t o r s :
Tom Meath &
Angela Webber
fo r u m Ed i t o r s :
Melody Parker &
Alex Warnes
fEa t u r Es Ed i t o r s :
Deanna Horton &
Mariah Shields
ar t s Ed i t o r s :
Caitlin McCarthy &
Liam O’Connor
sp o r t s Ed i t o r :
Nichole Carnell &
Haley Brill
BaCk d o o r Ed i t o r :
Ben Bateman
il l u s t r a t i o n Ed i t o r :
Robert McCormack
il l u s t r a t o r s :
Payden Evans & Bradley T.
Jonas
ph o t o Ed i t o r s :
Natalie Baker &
Katie Sugarman
ph o t o g r a p h Er s:
Alexa Johnson &
Elly Baldwin
Co p y Ed i t o r :
Kathryn Miller
st a f f wr i tEr s:
Helen Hunter, Kiel John -
son, Fritz Fitzer, Jacob
Bourne, Mike G. Richman,
Hannah Meganck, &
Abraham Cohen
wE Bm a s t Er:
Heather Brooke Scoles
ad v i s o r :
Peter Christenson
***
The pi o n E Er lo g serves to
inform the Lewis & Clark com -
munity on issues of concern
to students. We are commit -
ted to the free and articulate
expression of ideas. We do not
discriminate based on ethnic -
ity, gender, sexual orienta -
tion, disability, age or class.
We reserve the right to refuse
to print any advertisement,
submission, or article that
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and Editorials do not neces -
sarily reflect the opinions of
the pi o n E Er lo g or Lewis &
Clark College.
***
The Pioneer Log
0615 SW Palatine Hill Rd.
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phone: (503) 768-7146
E-mail: piolog@lclark.edu
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The pi o n E Er lo g is funded by your
student fees.Crime BeatCrime Beat / Crime Beat / Cri
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Crime Beat / Crime Beat / Crifrom SELL WOOD, page 1
was directed specifically to Sellwood was be -
cause of the number of students who live off
campus and move to the Sellwood area. Sell -
wood housing is affordable and close enough
to campus to avoid any major time deprava -
tions for travel.
Tara Gallagher, an LC Law Student, said
that the reason for the cancellation of the
shuttle “basically comes down to money.”
Administrators have made the choice to take
the money normally funded for the shuttle
and reallocate it to financial aid funds for un -
dergraduate students. With the uncertainty
of next year’s enrollment, the administration
needs more incentive to allow students to at -
tend this institution.
What this group of law students is pro -
posing is to raise undergraduate student fees.
This increase would raise the funds needed to
reinstate the Sellwood shuttle for a daily ser -
vice of a two run shift. But the vote necessary
to make this increase cannot be taken until
November of next year. ASLC, which funds
student activities, has already locked down
their budget system for the 2009-10 academ -
ic year based on the current fee. If the LC
undergraduate school wants to help finan -
cially support the shuttle, for next year alone,
ASLC would have to carve out $25,000 from
their current budget. This would mean a cut
in student activities funding.
“We are not trying to pressure the under -
graduates to cut their student activities fund -
ing,” said Gallagher. “But if students are pas -
Law students seek help funding shuttle
sionate about keeping the shuttle running
then they need to contact their elected ASLC
leaders and let them know.”
The LC administration has been searching
for other options. They are currently review -
ing other shuttle services such as EcoShuttle
that may charge less for rides, which would
in turn decrease the expense for students.
“Pressuring the administration to entertain
other options may also sway RAZ into offer -
ing us lower prices or more flexibility in our
contract with them,” said Gallagher. In any
case, time to implement these ideas is short.
ASLC sets their budget in April and if the student body wants to make the adjustments
to save the shuttle they need to inform their
leaders now.
If the shuttle is cancelled, Gallagher ex -
pects that “the school will eventually have to
build an extended parking lot to accommo -
date for the students who commute to cam -
pus.”
Construction would cost at least $25,000
and significantly increase the carbon foot -
print of the LC Campus. Law School stu -
dents will vote soon, under the assumption
that they will not receive aid from the under -
graduate program.
Eco-Olympics challenge
from ECO-OLYMPICS, page 1
switching out light bulbs for more energy ef -
ficient ones and unplugging cell phone char -
gers when they are not being used.
“We really emphasize that people use
public spaces where the lights are natural -
ly turned on, like going to the lounges or
studying in the library more than just in
your room,” said Young. “That helps out a
lot too.”
While the competitive aspect of the Eco-
Olympics is geared toward those students liv -
ing on campus, there are several other events
during the month in which all students can
participate.
“We’ve got a really good recycling infor -
mational session. We are trying to get three different speakers to come and talk about
the rules and regulations on recycling in Or -
egon,” said Young. “That’s something that
an off-campus student could take into their
own home and actually utilize.”
Other scheduled events include an eco-
trivia night, a campus bike ride, a group hike
in T ryon Creek and three movie nights. A
“sustainable scavenger hunt” will also chal -
lenge students to “look for what’s eco-friend -
ly about our campus,” said Young.
Apropos of the Eco-Olympics, there is
also an eco-conscious event happening in the
city to coincide with the LC competition.
“We’re taking a group of students to a ‘Lov -
ers Against LNG’ rally downtown, which is
a rally on Valentine’s Day opposing the con -
struction of the Liquefied Natural Gas pipe -
line,” said Bogar. “It’s a complicated environ -
mental issue that’s often billed as sort of a
green solution. But it’s not.”
The event will conclude with the an -
nouncement of the winning dorm and a
closing ceremony.
“We really want to inspire people to con -
tinue employing eco-friendly practices,”
Young said. “If this is something that sparks
a specific student to really get engaged, that’s
kind of what we are looking for in the Eco-
Olympics.”
SEED members install power meters to monitor electrical usage
Efficient lightbulbs were distributed
to reduce power use.
photoS by MaiSha FoSter-o’Nealphoto by Katie SugarMaN
The future of Sellwood shuttle service is of concern for Law students.
An employee reported graffiti •
in the Miller Center on Feb.
4.
An employee reported graffiti •
in Ponderosa Hall on Feb. 6.
.G.
.r.
.a.
.f.
. f.
.i.
.t.
.i.
w h y ?
A Theft was reported in the •
Watzek Library on Feb. 8.
(sadness)
human - coat
=
sorrow of sorrows
by the snow drapes my nape
woolen purloiner,
flannel nomad
relinquish my coat!
Feel the guilt welling up within
as the willow tree dabbles
the damp moss with tears
of your treachery.
the coat knows
your hidden shame
and will not keep
your back warm
in this strange
febuary snow.
lost coat
lost coat
lost coat
nnnnKaz
Wuz Here
We luv Jerusha Pointless cries for attention
toast
4 evain the name
of stubz!Im watching u
BRIAN!something
important writ -
ten hereby Tom Meath // News Editor3Volume 73, Number 1 News the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Teach-In on global warming encourages action
Congressman Blumenauer talks from Washington
Lewis & Clark students had the oppor -
tunity to take part in a video conversation
with Congressman Earl Blumenauer as part
of a national teach-in on global warming so -
lutions last Wednesday, Feb. 4.
Blumenauer, an LC alum and current
representative for Oregon’s third district,
took time out of his schedule to talk to stu -
dents about the current climate in Congress
regarding environmental concerns and the
degree to which the new administration’s
proposed stimulus package will focus on
these issues.
The Congressman set the tone of the dis -
cussion from the outset, noting that “a lot
has changed” since President Obama took
the reigns.
He joked that this was partly due to the
fact that Congress was “no longer dependent
on Dick Cheney to set the tone” on environ -
mental issues. Blumenauer made these ref -
erences to the Congressional shift the foun -
dations of a message centered around twin
pillars of progress and ambition.
Although he conceded to the grand
scale of the task at hand, the Congressman
made no effort to hide his enthusiasm over the wide-open windows of possibility. This
enthusiasm glimmered through as he said,
“people in Washington are starting to ap -
preciate that a green economy presents a tre -mendous opportunity to build new founda -
tions which will be sustainable over time.”
After his brief address, Blumenauer
opened the floor to any students who felt the need to question specific aspects of the pro -
posals of the new administration.
The first student to seize this opportunity
was Isaac Holeman (’09). After the session,
Holeman spoke highly of the Congressman,
remarking that the former LC student “was
always supportive of anything we want to
do.”
Holeman also made reference to the ben -
efits of using technology in this way, draw -
ing on the potential hypocrisy of a politician
flying across the country to talk about the
pressing need to lower our collective carbon
footprint. The camera was set up in the Cap -
itol building by Teach-In organizers.
The event was hosted by Rob Kugler, LC
Professor of Religious Studies and a self pro -
claimed “climate warrior.” Kugler also praised
what he described as a “new and exciting
form of constituent-Congress dialogue,” and
tipped his metaphorical hat to the Congress -
man for providing students with a “pure
source of information.”
These comments were affirmed by anoth -
er student in attendance, Zach Kearl (’10).
Kearl said that Blumenauer’s address “gave a
face and life to a government that three weeks
ago wouldn’t even be considered progressive
– most importantly, it gave me hope.” US Congressman Earl Blumenauer chatted with students from Washing -
ton, DC, on Wednesday, in a new format designed to increase dialogue.by Richard Mailey // staff writerfrom TEACH-IN, page 1
Not only would these changes help the envi -
ronment, they also could improve Oregon’s
economy.
Not all participants that spoke were im -
pressed by the new government proposals.
In the third session, titled, “Current Perspec -
tives on Climate Change and its (Inescap -
able) Impacts,” Governor’s commision mem -
ber Bishop Dave Brauer-Rieke expressed
concern over a number of new legislative
provisions, suggesting that they would “dis -
proportionately affect the poor and margin -
alized.” According to Bishop Brauer-Rieke, it
was important for him as a man of faith to be a steward of the earth as well as look out for
the poor and marginalized.
These claims presented a contrast to the
assertions made by a number of other speak -
ers throughout the day who cited climate
change reform as an unqualified priority
nearly impossible to trump through appeal
to conflicting issues. Senator Devlin was
even willing to admit that the plans would
result in annual increase in the budget’s defi -
cit, but that it was something that needed to
be done.
Former Secretary of State Bill
Bradbury said that the Governor’s
plan was “aggressive and impres -sive.” Though he no longer was an elected
official, Bradbury’s opinion seemed to be up -
held by the officials on his panel.
During the fourth session, LC faculty
members discussed how a liberal arts edu -
cation could prepare citizens to handle the
climate change. Though they did not touch
upon politics, the question of whether being
advocates for the environment was a good
or bad thing. Though there wasn’t an over -
all consensus, there wasn’t much argument
amongst them.Regardless of the conflicting opinions,
Scala viewed the day as a success, saying that
she was “inspired by some of the suggestions
for curbing the effects of climate change,”
and that she would “gladly participate in the
restoration of our beloved planet before it’s
too late.”
The high turnout at sessions throughout
the day would seem to suggest that Scala is
not alone in her willingness to help–even if
there was sometimes disagreement over how
best to do it.
The National Teach-in on Global Warming Solu -
tions saw five different sessions last Thursday
at LC. Pictures, clockwise from right: Students
participate in a panel session; Senator Richard
Devlin (left) and Bill Bradbury, former secre -
tary of state and climate activist, in a panel
discussion with elected officials; Professor
of Religious Studies Rob Kugler, who helped
coordinate LC’s teach-in, introduces the elected
officials panel.
photos by Natalie baker
photo by alexa JohNsoNFriday, September 12, 2008 Forum 4 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Consider this familiar scenario: You’ve just fi nished an es-
say with fi ve minutes left before class, and as you hit “quick
print” you realize that there are fi ve to seven frantic people clumped around the Watzek library printer. Joining the clus-ter of frustrated and complaining students, you suddenly hear a rumble from the depths of the printer, and the group is hushed.
After what seems like ages of silence, a single page erupts
from the printer like a satisfying sneeze, and at once heads bend in for a closer look—oh, it’s just the fi nal page of some-one’s Sparknotes. /T_h e lucky person haughtily reaches through the now-parting heads, gathers their document with a smirk and strides over to the fi nishing table, their every movement watched with loathing and jealousy from those still awaiting their precious packet.
As any student or faculty member who visits the library
can attest to, there is a desperate need for more printing sta-tions in the computer areas. /T_h ough the IT helpers and li-brarians are probably tired of hearing complaints, the printer problem is a valid and obnoxious matter. Right now, the ra-tio of available library printers to undergrads is essentially one to one thousand.
During one of the frequent ten-plus minute waits I expe-
rienced earlier this semester due to printer “rush hour,” I an-grily began researching industrial printers. I discovered that the top of the line versions are in the price range of fi ve to six thousand dollars. /T_h at’s like…three new MacBooks. Some-thing tells me that this school, or maybe even a bake sale or two, could fund a new printer that would benefi t the entire Lewis & Clark community.
Lately tension levels in the library during the early after-
noons have been off the charts. Mid-day appears to be the worst time to print anything, maybe because students are us-ing breaks between morning and afternoon classes to print out the reading for their next class. Now, let’s be honest. It’s
not like you’re really going to read that thirty-page packet
during lunch. I understand the logic of “well, at least I print-ed it out,” but maybe if you had done that last night then you would have actually achieved something by reading at least the fi rst few pages.
Printing PDFs is a particularly frustrating endeavor. I
could hire a scribe to handwrite my Exploration & Discov-ery reading for the entire semester before my document even shows up on the queue.
With an average exertion rate of around three pages per
minute, the library printers will keep you waiting for your extra-large document for eons. Hopefully soon a school-wide realization of the printer problem will initiate a drive to gain funds for a third printer, but until then students who are stuck waiting can try some of these boredom-relieving devices:
1) Pleasure reading. College has infused many of us with
a hatred of literature. T ry reading something lighter…like a tabloid. Or one of the ten novels you brought from home that serve the sole purpose of beefi ng up your makeshift win-dow-sill bookshelf.
2) Discreet exercise. Butt fl exes, for one. Don’t worry, it’s
not like anyone is watching you from under the computer station. Also, ankle and neck rolls are wonderful tension re-lievers.
3) Send your grandparents an E-card. /T_h ey just love
that stuff . Egreetings.com is a great place to start.
4) Research industrial printers.
5) Conduct experiments. Test out the “I sense that I’m
being watched” principle by staring at the back of someone’s head until they turn around.
6) Practice becoming ambidextrous. T ry typing with
your wrists crossed.
/T_h ere are always the old standbys like checking your fa-
cebook or webmail, but honestly how much time can you waste sitting and staring blankly at your computer screen? Oh wait…
Natalie Dole (’12) waits patiently for a fi le to print at a Watzek library printer.Frustration builds around strained
resource: library printers
by Melody Parker // forum editor
PHOTO BY ALEXA JOHNSON/T_h ere seems to be some confusion lately concern-
ing what the position of the Campus Living Advisor
entails. We, as some members of the Campus Living
staff , wish to clear up this confusion.
/T_h e position of Campus Living Advisor (CLA) ex-
ists to help foster a positive and healthy community in
which students can thrive and succeed both academi-
cally and socially. Unfortunately, this goal sometimes
stands in contrast with students’ desires to engage in
certain recreational activities. At these times, we are
obligated to address the situation. When the situation
involves illicit substances or concerns regarding the
health and safety of persons, or the safety of ourselves,
we defer to those who are better equipped to handle
the situation, namely Campus Safety. We do not ad-dress them ourselves because we are students as well,
and we have not had the training or experience to deal
with them. It is the job of CLCs to hold conduct hear-
ings, as we would not have the time or the energy to
do them in addition to our own schoolwork and other responsibilities as CLAs. In all other situations, we use
our best judgment to respond to the incidents as our
capabilities allow. After that, we write an incident re-
port (IR) to document the situation as best we can and
allow the CLC to decide what is to come of the situ-ation, as they have the training and the experience to
do this.
For further clarifi cation regarding CLA responsibil-
ities, we’d like to elaborate on what we feel to be the far
more important aspects of our positions. /T_h ese con-sist of programming within the halls and assisting resi-
dents with personal problems. Programs are those ac-
tivities that happen within the residence halls that may
range from weekly study breaks to hall movie nights
to a professor coming to speak in the halls. Programs
exist for the purpose of building community, educat-
ing, and providing fun outlets for relaxation and so-
cialization. Programs also allow residents, particularly
incoming freshmen, to get to know their hall mates
and make new friends (Friends are awesome).
Even more important than programming though,
is the wellbeing of our residents. We are trained in
counseling techniques and mediation and are always
willing to fi nd time to talk to our residents about issues
they may be having on or around campus, including
discussing prior activities that may have broken offi cial
policy when they were going on. Our primary goal is
to ensure that everyone is safe, healthy, and happy, and
we strive to do this to the best of our abilities. How-
ever, this requires that those students living on campus
understand that this is our primary goal and utilize the
resources available to them (namely, CLAs) when nec-
essary.
We hope this clears up some misunderstandings
regarding the CLA position. Anyone who wants to
know more about what we do or how or why we do it
is welcome to approach us and ask. We are more than
happy to engage the community in a discussion of the
role of CLAs (or RAs) at Lewis & Clark College.
/T_h ank you,
/T_h e Undersigned
Lillie Mae Stone
Katrina Maloney
Chrissy Misso
David Merryman
Zander Schrempp
Alex Johnson
Send letters to the editor
and guest editorials to: piolog@lclark.edu ~or~ come to meetings in the Pioneer Log offi ce
Mondays at 5 pm.Dear Editorial Board, Letter to
the Editor
Nick Tiller
Ananda EllisAmy PomboRiya LimayeGabriel Montes de OcaAndrew JanebaTempleton Award:
for when things just don’t work out5Volume 73, Number 1 Forum the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Recently it was revealed that the college is
considering enacting a new rule that would
either require people who wish to smoke on campus to go to designated smoking ar-eas, or fl at out ban smoking from this cam-pus. Personally, I would love nothing more than to see the second option put into ef-fect. However, I also recognize the potential for whole sections of the school to rise in revolt in response to such a measure, so I am only going to argue for the en-actment of des-ignated smok-ing areas. /T_h is will be addressed through three areas: personal comfort, person-al freedom, and no anti-smoking piece would be complete with-out health ef-fects.
First, person-
al comfort. Hon-estly people, we have 25 foot laws in this state for a reason. /T_h ose laws, since none of you seem to know them, require smokers to be more than 25 feet away from ANY door. News fl ash: that covers almost the entire area next to the main entrance for J.R. Howard. Yet on any sunny day, I have to weave my way through a picket line of people, all of whom are sucking away on their smokes like their very lives depend-ed on it. I welcome the rain because it drives most of these people away or more unfortu-nately and far less pleasantly, into the little overhang area right in front of the door.
I realize that there are few covered places
for people to go and enjoy a smoke. In re-
sponse to that, I think that the school should con-struct cov-ered areas, not cheap tents but nice wood places where people can go and indulge in their chosen form of self-abuse. But please, please, please stop creating bil-lowing smoke clouds that leave me either having to hold my breath or hacking up a lung trying to get to class.
It boils
down to this: the smell is repulsive, the ob-stacle course is a pain, and none of you seem to be able to fi nd an ash tray because there are used cigarettes left lying around the ground everywhere. Take it somewhere else.
I am going to address personal freedom
and health at the same time. /T_h e most time honored argument that I’ve heard for smok-point:
counterpoint:Smoking has always been a contentious
topic. /T_h ere have always been people against
it and people for it. For instance, in 1900
Washington, Iowa, Tennessee and North Da-
kota banned cigarette sales, and these weren’t the only states.
By 1901, 43 of 45 states were taking strong
anti-smoking stances. In 1905 a woman was arrested for smoking a cigarette while driving down Fifth Avenue in New York. However, here it is in 2009 and whadya know? People still smoke.
Now I’m not here to argue that tobacco
is in some way a healthy lifestyle choice. By 1930, conclusive evidence was being pre-sented that linked lung cancer to smoking.
I’m also not here to try to convince anyone
that by banning smoking on campus you are
trampling on all smokers rights to their own
pursuit of happiness.
What I am here to tell you is that if you
ban smoking, something far worse is going
to come about: chewing.
As hypocritical as this may sound, chew
should be banned from the planet. /T_h ere is nothing more foul and disgusting than wad-ing through a party, looking down, and real-izing that you’ve just trodden in someone’s brown ’n black, chunky gob of tobacco spu-
tum, except having to clean it up. Or how
about setting up that pong game and realiz-
ing that one of the cups is half full, not with beer, but someone’s phlegmy saliva, speckled with shreds of brown.
Now I’m not saying that we are going to
have a chew revolution just because ciga-rettes got banned, but we might.
People, as has been witnessed by history, are not going to stop getting their nic-fi x.
I for one would
rather walk through any number of nox-ious smokes than wade through puddles of pu-trescent saliva. If that’s not enough of a reason to continue to al-low cigarettes on campus then I don’t know what is.
Say we do
eventually de-cide to ban smoking. /T_h en we fi ght about it for a year, and fi nally the anger dies down Gotta love the smoke
Stop smoking here
ing bans not going into eff ect is that they
encroach on people’s personal freedoms and rights. Well, guess what, your “right” to smoke does not give you the right to mess with my health. And don’t give me the “smoking is bad for your health has never been proven” line. Everyone knows that is a bunch of bull, so don’t insult your intel-ligence or mine. Your smokes come with a great big warning on them that say they are bad for you. Similar warnings can be found on other things, including, to a lesser extent, alcohol bottles. But if my friend is downing a six-pack, as long as he doesn’t try to drive, it does not aff ect my health.
On the other hand, if I am walking to
class, and someone I do not know blows smoke in my face, I now have a lung full of harmful chemicals that I did not willingly put in there. Willing being the key term, in case there is any doubt. Now this is not to suggest that all smokers are ass hats that go out of their way to blow smoke in people’s faces, but it does happen, on purpose or not. I am all for the willing destruction of one’s own body, but this crosses the line into the harm of others. And there is nothing in our wonderful collection of rules and laws that govern this country that says that you have a right to harm others. So take the smoke someplace else and stop complaining about being persecuted.
You chose to smoke, you chose to engage
in an activity that is harmful to yourself and others and you re-affi rm your choice ev-ery time that you light up. Each choice has a price, so pay up and stop making others pay for your choices. I think that the school should create places to smoke in comfort, and then require everyone who wishes to smoke to do so there. by Fritz Fitzer // staff writerby Alex Warnes // forum editor
PHOTO BY LEANNA EDWARDSenough to continue our lives and the smok-
ing ban stays. I wonder how much profes-sors are going to mind people coming in an
extra couple of minutes late because they had
to walk entirely off campus during their ten minute class breaks for a cigarette? Nah, I’m sure they’d be all good with it.
/T_h ere is no doubt in my mind that should
a complete smoking ban come into existence, or even a regulation of designated smoking
areas, that there will be an in-
stant spike in tardiness across
the board.
Finally, to the smok-
ers on campus: I want
to remind all of you
that on Friday, Feb-ruary 20, (one week
from today) there will be a referendum sent
out to decide the fate
of smoking on cam-
pus.
I know smok-
ers are amazingly
lazy (why would
we still be smok-ing if it weren’t so much of an eff ort
to quit) and quite
forgetful but there
is no excuse not to
vote on this issue. I
don’t care if you’ve bro-
ken both your hands,
VOTE!
An overfl owing smoking receptacle./T_h e issue of smoking cigarettes on
campus is multifaceted, but much of it
can be solved by simple common cour-tesy and taking initiative. To those who smoke, please remember this: the next time you light up a cigarette, please consider those around you; given that many people don’t smoke, these same people would equally not like to inhale yours. Second, if people are having issues with smoke wafting in their dorm through open windows or doors; say something.
A request need not be abrasive,
just be honest, and don’t be a douche bag about it. You: “Do you think you guys could move to the picnic tables to smoke? It comes in my room and the smell really bothers me.” People smok-ing: “Okay.”
And for nay-sayers out there, this
dialogue is verbatim a real conversa-tion I had tonight with people smok-ing outside my dorm.
And to the school. Stop being hyp-
ocrites. Either enforce your rules or don’t have them. Or, better yet, come up with a solution that satisfi es both parties involved. Also, don’t send us mixed signals. /T_h e ashtrays outside of Howard and the library are obviously there for people who are smoking, but aren’t people not allowed to smoke within 25 feet of buildings?
It may actually be that the small
stretch of sidewalk in between Howard and the Library is twenty-fi ve feet away from both buildings, however, it is il-logical that the college’s rules, which are intended to keep smoke away from those who do not want to inhale, fail to address that at the nexus of pedes-trian traffi c at our campus, people are free to smoke.
What I propose then is some kind
designated area for people to smoke in that is near enough to Howard so as not to cause too much of a stir, but far enough away that those who do not smoke, do not have to walk through it in between classes. Just as a suggestion, could the sidewalk between Howard and the swimming pool be designat-ed for this? It’s low use and not so far from where those who smoke normally congregate. If such a placement is dis-agreeable, please come up with some equally agreeable alternative.
To conclude, I write all of this not
with intentions of causing division amongst students, I write simply be-cause I wish to off er a solution to this issue at our school. In an argument with some friends over dinner, I was fi rst of the mind simply to say screw the smokers, they’re ruining my air, ban it all together. But I came to real-ize that those who smoke have just as much a right to do it as I do not to. To those who smoke: I just ask that you be a little more considerate, or less even, a little more aware of where your smoke is going and take it into account the next time you light up.

-Jared Schy (’12)
next time you light up.
-Jared Schy (’12)
Dear Editorial Board, Letter to
the Editor
ILLUSTRATION BY ROB MCCORMACKI wonder how much profes-
sors are going to mind people
coming in late because they
had to walk off campus for a cigarette.Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 Forum 6 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
/T_h e inherent problem with making a sus-
tainable world is that it requires everyone to
consider sustainability to be a good idea. /T_h is does not make it a futile venture, just a dif-fi cult one. What is required is that the more people continue to be engaged. While you should never trust someone that compares their movement to Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. the scope of the tasks are similar. Sustainability requires a change in how we see the world. Just as Gandhi showed people that India could be an independent nation and Martin Luther King Jr. made people see the fl aws of racism, environmentalism re-quires a shift in how we value our resources.
/T_h is past week Lewis & Clark hosted the
National Teach-In on Global Warming Solu-tions. While all of the talks were well attend-
ed and the speakers were engaging, some-
thing was missing from the day. For the most part all the people at the events were the same people at every other environmental event. It is almost as if there are about 150 people who consistently attend these events and who are also responsible for putting them on. I fear that the environmental movement at our school has become too entrenched within it-self. It only serves to preserve itself and in the words of T rotsky, “that is what they become, dried preserves.” Preserving the values of en-vironmentalism is not enough.
/T_h e teach-in exceeded all my expectations
by Kiel Johnson // staff writerDried Preserves
LC student and faculty attendance at the National Teach-In on Climate ChangeFor those of you not following along, sen-
ate elections happen every TWO years. So,
just when you thought election fervor was over, SURPRISE! It’s not! America is just be-
ginning to sharpen her senatorial claws for
the 2010 election. And true to form, Louisi-
ana is taking congress by storm.
No, that’s not an incredibly insensitive
joke. Adult fi lm actress Stormy Daniels, also known as Stormy Waters, is putting her hat in the ring for U.S. Senate.
Daniels is fi ghting for the seat now held
by Republican David Vitter, who is known for his close ties to the late Deborah Jean Pal-frey, the notorious D.C. Madam.
Daniels is not party affi liated, but her re-
sume (dominated by girl-on-girl fi lms) shows that she is often a switch-hitter—in that she can agree to cooperate and work to satisfy the needs of both teams. But seriously. Since
most voters will prob-
ably judge Daniels by
her reputation and
not by her compe-tence as a politician,
so will I. And I’m go-
ing to guess she’s a lib-
eral. /T_h ough the “Draft
Stormy” website (which
isn’t offi cially re-
lated to Daniels)
lists her three
major politi-
cal concerns
as the econ-
omy, women
in business,
and “protecting
our children,”
which suggest she
might be more
conservative.
P o l i t i c s
aside, “Draft Stormy” con-
tends that
Daniels’ “real world experi-CH O O S E Y O U R O W N A D V E N T U R E :
A W E E K L Y P O L I T I C A L C O L U M N
Lousiana in path of sexy Storm.
by Helen Hunter // staff writer
hey you!
Got something
to say?
Send letters
to the editor
and guest edi-
torials to:
piolog@
lclark.edu
PHOTO BY KIEL JOHNSON
ence and special understanding of the eco-
nomic hardships facing Louisianans and
Americans make her uniquely qualifi ed
to take on the tough challenges [of the
future].”
/T_h e superfi cial diff erence between
Daniels and many more seemingly
conservative senators, such as Vitter,
remain in disclosure. Daniels, having
made most of her money in a traditionally
uncouth industry, seems to have (pun to-
tally intended) bared herself to the voting
public.
But just because other senators
haven’t owned up to seedy histories
or alleged character faults does
not mean that they
A weekly column on current environmental issues
A weekly column on current environmental issues
Sustainability is sexydon’t have them. Even Rhodes Scholars, like
Vitter, have illicit histories. So why is Dan-iels’ crack at the senate taken with such large
grains of salt? At least she’s one step ahead of
senators like Vitter by starting out with her
dirty lingerie on display. However, time will only tell if Daniels will defy the odds by pen-etrating the barrier into the virginal career path. Daniels argues, “Politics can’t be any dirtier of a job than the one I’m already in.”
Touché, Madame. And Godspeed.
Daniels is not party affi liat-
ed, but her resume (domi-nated by girl-on-girl fi lms) shows that she is often a switch-hitter.
ILLUSTRATION BY KATHRYN MILLER
and was without a doubt a success. How-
ever, these events cannot continue just for the sake of continuing. /T_h ey must embrace larger goals and draw in people from all ar-eas of the community. Where were the ath-letes? /T_h e cleaning ladies? /T_h e leaf blowers? If we are going to have a teach-in on global warming solutions it must involve everyone. We must be creative in how we draw these people in, environmentalism must connect in a real way with not only people’s existing values but their everyday actions. Otherwise all that will be accomplished is that we had another teach-in.
I fear that the environmen-
tal movement at our school has become too entrenched within itself.Stormy was the editor of her high
school newspaper, and served as president of her 4-H club in Baton Rouge.Features 7 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
KIDZ WIT CUTZ
by Kathryn Miller // head copy editor
style source
Adrian Guerrero (’12) buzzed his hair one day and with -
out further input from him, it morphed into this fine
specimen. Angles galore, god-given grace.
Charlie Randall (’09), asymmetrical god, manages to surprise us from all sides.
Fiesta from the front, the back, left, and right.
Sam Downs (’10) snips this
beast herself. Susan Nelsen, art model, is the proud recipient of one
helluva feathered look. “My friend Kate Black cuts, and she
knows me. She knows my life, how I move, and exactly what
I need. I said, ‘Let’s get seventies.’ She agreed and went to
work.”Michael Rae (’09) is a squashbuckler. This is because of his Mullet.
nine days out >>>>
friday saturday sunday
monday tuesday wednesday
thursday friday saturday13 14 15
16 17 18
19 20 21February 13th to February 21st
Halftime Basketball Extravaganza!
Pamplin, 6:00 p.m.
“T eeth” (2008): film followed by panel discussion
Miller 105, 6:30 p.m.“The Roaring ’20s” Casino Night
Templeton, 8:00 p.m. to midnight
Dance party in Stamm and casino in Fields
Starfucker Valentine’s Day Show
Wonder Ballroom, 8:00 p.m.3-D Center of Art & Photography
presents “Avshalom Cave” by Yitzhak Weissman
1928 NW Lovejoy, 1:00 p.m., $5
Free Admission Day at the Portland Japanese Garden
611 SW Kingston Avenue, 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
Portland Chamber Orchestra presents
“Brain Chemistry For Lovers”
Newmark Theatre, 7:00 p.m., $30
SW Broadway & MainSpring Career and Opportunity Fair
Smith Hall and Albany 218, 11:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.
Biochemistry and Molecular Biology Seminar
Howard 124, 4:00 p.m.
Museum of Contemporary Craft presents Mandy
Greer & Darrell Morris
Free, 11:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.
724 Northwest Davis Street
Life-sized embroidery works and room-sized
installations.The Vagina Monologues
Flanagan Chapel, 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
$3 student / $5 non-studentEmergency : A One Man Show by Obie
award-winning Daniel Beaty
Flanagan Chapel, 7:30 p.m.
Free for LC community with ID cards
Once Upon a Weekend
Fir Acres Theatre, Black Box
10:00 p.m.Volume 73, Number 1 Features 8the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Campus Living and the Foreign Language department are
working together to provide students with the opportunity
to live in offi cial Residential Language Communities (RLCs)
in sections of West Apartments starting in Fall 2009.
In an attempt to bring the overseas experience of immer-
sion in a language to those who do not have the opportu-
nity to travel for a semester, groups of students who want to live together, and, at the same time sharpen their foreign
language skills, can now apply to the RLCs.
/T_h e idea is that this will be a substitution for going abroad,
and the requirements are therefore very similar to the over-
seas language level requirements.
Only students who have reached the profi ciency level of
301 or higher will be accepted.
“We’re looking for the best and the brightest,” said Profes-
sor of Chinese Keith Dede. “[/T_h is program] will put a lot of demands on your capabilities and maintaining those skills.”
He wants to provide an environment where students can
maintain and develop skills in a community of motivated members willing to push themselves.
Each RLC would have a teacher coordinator and there
will be language assistants living in the apartments in charge
of programming events, bringing in speakers and helping to
facilitate using the language in everyday life.
Faculty members would be advisors only and the goal is
for the communities to be mainly student run environments
where students can use their language on a daily basis.
Professor of Japanese Bruce Suttmeier was sure to empha-
size that these spaces will be “reserved for the language” and
that there is still discussion about how to ensure these com-
munities will work, since those living in the French wing may have friends who do not speak French, but will still want to spend time with them.
Director of Campus Living Sandi Bottemiller is taking on
this project and has organized the application process early. /T_h is way they can see how many students are interested and Apartments to host language themed housing in ’09
by Hannah Meganck // staff writer
how much space each RLC will require in the apartments.
A community can consist of four people in one apart-
ment, a couple rooms in a wing, or even an entire wing; they
can be coed, all-girls, anything, because students organize
who they live with.
French Professor Isabelle DeMarte said that this is an at-
tempt “to make the international community local.” At this
point the program is still working through a lot of kinks and next fall’s new living theme will still be in the experimental
stage of development.
“Hopefully you are willing to have some unknowns, just
like when you go abroad,” said DeMarte.
DeMarte also emphasized how lucky students are to have
this chance. She said, “We are jealous of your opportunity.”
/T_h ere is an early application deadline of Feb. 19. For more
information, contact Campus Living.
PHOTO BY DEANNA HORTON
Bon concoctions for you to enjoy:
drinks and desserts
compiled by Deanna Horton // features editorEavesdropping
“Was it delicious
and fl oral?”
“She’s raping my leg,
she’s raping my leg!”
“My nipples are always hard.
I think it’s genetic.”
“You’re lucky I was the
2nd grade spelling champion.”
“I always thought that if an
elephant was chasing me
I’d dropkick it in the kneecap.”
“Cuntwiga–
it’s a feminist giraff e.”
Send what you overhear to
piolog@lclark.edu!Erika Harris (’11) munches on a salad at the Bon.PHOTO BY ELLY BALDWIN
ILLUSTRATION BY PAYDEN EVANSIf you are ever bored by the beverage choices or tired of
pecan tartlets and vegan chocolate cake at the Bon, consider
the following recipes that use only what the Bon provides.
Citrus sparkling waterUtilize the discrete seltzer water tab on
the soft drink machine, squeeze some lime from the salad bar into your drink, and enjoy a refreshing complement to your meal.
Fuzzy peach fi zzerIf you’re in the mood for something sweet, mix
1/3 Peach Citrus Cocktail from the juice machine with 2/3 Sprite. Yum!
Ch-ch-ch-choff eeCreate your own variation on the mocha by putting
some hot chocolate mix in the bottom of your mug before adding the coff ee and milk.
Bubbly lemonadeNo more limes or lemons at the salad bar? Mix 1/3 lem-
onade with 2/3 seltzer water for a fl avorful twist to your day.
/T_h e English muffi n masterpieceLayer cream cheese, apple slices, honey, and cinnamon
and sugar onto a toasted English muffi n for a healthy yet satisfying end to your night at the Bon.
Bagel extravaganzaCut a banana into fairly thin slices and spread them out
onto a lightly buttered, toasted bagel. Drizzle honey and sprinkle cinnamon and sugar onto the top and enjoy this sweet treat!Drinks
Desserts
Root Beer FloatPut two scoops of vanilla ice cream in a drinking glass
and fi ll to the top with root beer.
/T_h e wonderful fantastic vegan banana coneMake a healthy, vegan banana cone by
slicing up bananas, combining them with peanut butter, and topping it all with craisins, cinnamon and sugar.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY DEANNA HORTON
The West Apartment building is one location being considered to host RLCs in Fall 2009.Valentines Day has become a long contended tradition of
men buying women fl owers and chocolate, couples spending
romantic evenings together and millions spending $1.50 on
Hallmark cards. But what are the origins of this romantic day
being celebrating tomorrow? /T_h e celebration of the martyr has come to be known as St. Valentine actually has links that date back to Roman and early Christian eras. Currently, the
Catholic Church recognizes more than one St. Valentine and
has legends that go along with each of their stories.
One legend is that St. Valentine was a priest during the
Roman rule in the third century. At the time Emperor Clau-
dius II was in power and thought that single men would make more effi cient soldiers. He banned the institution of marriage for all young potential soldiers. St. Valentine, how-ever, believed in the foundation of love and performed mar-riage ceremonies for young lovers in secret. When he was dis-covered, Claudius had him sentenced to death, but his ideals lived on.
Another legend says that St. Valentine actually sent the
fi rst “Valentine” card himself. While in prison, Valentine supposedly fell in love with the jailors daughter who would visit him while in prison. He wrote her a letter professing his love and signed, ‘From Your Valentine,’ something still used in Valentines Day Letters and cards today. It must be empha-sized that this is only a legend, and the historical evidence to support this claim is nearly nonexistent. /T_h e sentiments and the beliefs behind his card are still live on in the traditions
held today regarding Valentine as an icon of romance.
9 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009 Features
saturday
tuesday7 8
10 11
13 14by Mariah Shields // features editorFighting for a day to love; history of Valentine’s Day
PHOTO BY MARIAH SHIELDS
by Danny Garcia // editor in chiefFinancial Advice for troubled times: war of plastic
PHOTO BY ALEXA JOHNSONWhen it comes to options of payment, there are usually
a few choices from which to choose. /T_h ere’s cash, which is
great for the sort of purchase made often in a dark alley or when no one wants to have a tax record of it. /T_h en there are checks, which are good for businesses and snail mail. But for the majority of purchases made at stores, online, or out and about, the debit and credit card are the obvious choices.
Both pieces of plastic are easy to carry, reasonably secure,
and accepted by most vendors. In general, they are accepted more often than checks in every day purchases and are safer than carrying around large quantities of cash. But it’s impor-tant to weigh which of the two is better. Both have individual advantages, but in general, credit cards are the better option
for a responsible college student.
Debit cards are attached to a bank account and, when
used, the money comes directly out of the account. /T_h is is
great for keeping track of what money has been spent and can help avoid running up a large credit card bill. But the
Casino
Night
To the left are students working hard
to create a portal to the past. Satur-day night is Casino Night, hosted in Stamm. These students are making it possible for attendants to come see their peers and professors deal out a good night of play money, dancing and prizes. So if you are looking for some-thing to do on Valentines Day, this is a student coordinated activity helping you set the mood.
PHOTO BY KATHRYN MILLEROther legends claim that the Christian Church chose to
celebrate St. Valentines Day in February to overshadow the
pagan Lupercalia Festival celebrated by the Romans. Luper-calia started on Feb. 15 and was a festival dedicated to the fer-tility of Faunus, the God of Agriculture, as well as to Rome’s founders Romulus and Remus. At the end of the festival day, it was tradition that an urn would be fi lled with all the avail-
able names of women and would be passed around to all the
men, who would choose a name. /T_h e woman would then be
their mate for a year. Although these mates would often end in marriage, in 498 A.D. Pope Gelasius declared Feb 14 St. valentines Day and ended the Roman tradition of passing around the urn.
In Great Britain, St. Valentines Day be-
came a properly celebrated holiday around
the seventeenth century. As time went on it
became customary for all men and women, regardless of social class, to exchange gifts and letters of aff ection. After the invention
of the printing press, Valentines Day Cards
became less about writing personal letters
and more about clichés printed on mass made cards.
According to the Greeting Card Associa-
tion, about one bil-lion Valentine cards are sent each year, put-ting Valentines
Days second only to Christmas Day as the largest card-sending holiday of the year. According to the History Channel, women
purchase approximately 85 percent of
all valentines. Valentines Day is celebrat-
ed in the United States, Mexico, the Untied Kingdoms, France and Australia. /T_h rough legends and realities, Valentines Day is a
time for love represented though icons
such as Cupid, the God of Love, and,
the martyr of love, St. Valentine.
ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT MCCORMACK
catch is the fact that the money comes straight out of the bank account. Once that money’s been spent, it’s been spent. If a Nigerian prince or Canadian lottery got a hold of a debit card number, that money would be gone forever. /T_h ere are insurance procedures that would help replace the money, but until that was settled, the money’s gone. /T_h is also ap-plies to Internet purchases that didn’t go exactly as expected. If that one of a kind, limited edition Miss Piggy from ebay turned out to be missing an arm, that money is gone until all the paper work can be fi gured out and a claim can go through.
On the contrary, a credit card is over-
all more secure. If there’s any fraud or misrepresented debits on the card, it’s on the credit card company’s dollar. /T_h ey might want you to pay
it at the end of the month, but while every-
thing’s getting worked out, there’s still money in the bank. Overall, when using a credit card, the money doesn’t need to be paid back un-til the end of the month. /T_h is should not be exploited though. Spending outside of one’s means is no good. Nothing’s worse than not being able to pay off a credit card and accu-mulating interest on the balance. It’s just like overdrawing a bank account, except by not paying a credit card it’ll hurt overall credit.
Speaking of credit, that’s another big bonus to using a credit card. So long as it’s paid off every month,
good behavior will be rewarded in the mode of lower inter-
est rates on home or car loans in the future. Establish good credit now while it’s easy. Getting a credit card is easy as a college student. /T_h e only time it will be as easy is after declar-
ing bankruptcy, but that’s not exactly the time to be looking
for more credit cards.
When browsing for credit cards, be sure to be smart. Look
at what sort of interest they’ll charge on balances and what
fees are involved. T ry looking through a bank and see if they
have any deal with getting a credit card and having a check-
ing account. Now’s the time to start racking up that free
mileage and free credit. Just be smart about it and everything will be platinum.
PHOTO BY ALEXA JOHNSON
by Mariah Shields // features editorVolume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 10 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Poetry Slamwich: Tasty beats served on rhymes
by Hannah Meganck // staff writer
Escarez (’11) and Ballard (’11) were two of eight who went to the next
round to compete for a spot on the Slam Nationals team.photoS by Natalie baker
If you have ever wanted to learn how to disap -
pear completely and never be found, Fin Kennedy’s
play will help you. The relentless and jarring spec -
tacle that is Portland Center Stage’s production (and
the American premiere) of How to Disappear Com -
pletely and Never Be Found (directed by Rose Rior -
dan) is a ruthless lesson in the effects of 21st century
tragedy, exploring both the cowardice and courage
required to either make it in this world, or—to sim -
ply escape without a trace.
The play is set in present-day London, appropri -
ate symbol of fast-paced urban conglomeration; we
meet its main character, Charlie (Cody Nickells), in
the Lost & Found office of a London Underground
station, having randomly blacked out on his morn -
ing tube ride to work. He cradles an urn contain -
ing the ashes of his recently cremated mother in one
arm, his pounding and bloody head in the other.
Charlie is a high-powered businessman in the
cutthroat world that is London advertising—four
hours of sleep a night, endless work days punctu -
ated by cocaine and/or smoking breaks, bullshit -
ting, ass-kissing and pointless parties frequented by
pointless people. It’s the New Year, Charlie’s mom
has just died (the urn remains a permanent fixture
of the first act), and his coke dealer is hounding him
for a debt building into the quadruple-digits. When his firm approaches him about a multitude of
suspicious bankrolled purchases, it is time for a drastic
move to be made.
“What makes you who you are, Charlie?” asks Mike,
both a family friend and a scam artist with a magician’s
flair. “A name? An address? A random collection of ex -
periences, a few memories? You are who you can prove
you are. You are what people think. And thatís the easiest
thing in the world to change.”
So begins Charlieís rough and tumble helter-skelter
ride toward the bottom, where lies a man stripped of all
societyís trappings, naked with arms open. The threads of
identity may be made up, as Mike asserts, of credit cards
and junk mail, but just how far does a person have to go
to escape the modern world?
Performed in the 200-seat studio of the Gerding The -
atre at the Armory, How to Disappear Completely and Nev -
er Be Found is dangerously intimate—five actors present a
plethora of over 20 wacked out and tripped up roles, and
the play of lights on the stark set becomes just as impor -
tant as any facial expression. It keeps you as taut and tense
as Charlie himself. Buckle up and prepare to disappear.
How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found runs
through March 22. T ues.-Sat. 7:30 p.m.; Sun. 2:00 p.m.
Go to www.pcs.org/disappear for a complete list of show
times. 30-and-under/student tickets $21.50. Get tickets
by calling the box office at 503-445-3700 or online at
www.pcs.org.
PCS performs disappearing act in
British play’s American premiere
by Caitlin McCarthy // arts editorA short segment from
Spackman’s poem about
allowing yourself to fall in
love with whomever, with -
out labels or boundaries:
“this human being
who falls in love
like falling asleep
with no memory
of how it happened”The T rail Room was buzzing with excited
energy on T uesday night as students piled
in to watch the first round of the Lewis &
Clark Poetry Slam competition. Seventeen
slammers took to the stage in hopes of being
one of the top eight performers who went on
to compete last night
for a spot on the
LC Slam team; the
team will compete in
March at the College
Union Poetry Slam
Invitational (CUPSI)
Slam Nationals.
Featuring audi -
ence judges scoring
each of the slammers
(some taking on the
Simon Cowell role
from the start), in -
credibly entertaining
MCs Aukeem Ballard
(’11) and Christabel
Escarez (’11), as well as an audience full of
finger-snapping appreciation (an encouraged
alternative to audience clapping), the night
was rife with empowering energy.
Each slammer brought to the stage an in -
dividual energy, and a flaming passion that
the audience could feel. Among the top
eight finalists chosen by the audience was
Molly Price’s (’11) Let’s Get Sexy poem about
primping intelligence instead of looks to be -
come attractive.
Thinking the slam was just a night of po -
etry when she signed up, Price was surprised
to find out T uesday night was the qualifying
round for the Slam Nationals: “I didn’t know
this was a competition!” she said.
Chris Leja (’12) spoke about love using
metaphors in his poem titled Breath . When
asked how it felt to make it into the next round, Leja said, “There was just this real -
ly great feeling of almost validation—may -
be gratitude is a better word. Just an over -
whelming sense that people like what you’re
doing.”
When asked how he felt about slam -
ming, Ballard said, “I re -
ally like it!” Ballard, an
active member of the
slam club, got involved
last year when he saw the
table at the Pio Fair. Bal -
lard’s poem followed a
man dancing on a bus, an
act which provoked the
question of why are most
people scared to do that.
His poem wrapped up
with the lines: “dance like
you’re worth your own af -
fection” and the audience
gave a “snap snap snap” to
that one.
The additional five slammers who went
on to compete for the top four spots were
Escarez, Maisha Foster-O’Neal (’11), Lauren
Lederman (’12), Emily Cousins (’12) and
Anna Spackman (’12).
Escarez also earned the extra honor of
opening for the Spilljoy Ensemble this past
Wednesday.
Putting the competitive aspect aside, this
was a fantastic night of personal performanc -
es. While these may be the eight chosen,
every single performance was beautiful and
moving.
Audience judge Tyler Cannon-Reese (’11)
thought the performances were inspiring and
“really awesome,” while another audience
member Emily Anderson, a visitor from out
of town, really enjoyed the performance and
believes LC will succeed at nationals.
Reality fractures for Charlie (Cody Nickells) in How
to Disappear, playing in the Ellyn Bye Studio at PCS
through March 22, 2009. photo courteSy portlaNd ceNter StagephotoS by Natalie bakerVolume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 A&E 11 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Dawn O’Keefe (played by Jess
Weixler) is just like any other true
American girl. Pure, God fear’en, blonde hair blues, all-American. Dawn lives her life as any good normal teenage girl would high school, family and friends.
Some of her pastimes include at-
tending her church youth group, taking care of her sick mother and preaching ab-stinence to surrounding schools, and yes this belief of no sex before marriage runs strongly through Dawn.
It is not until Dawn meets the strapping new boy at
her school, Tobey (played by Hale Appleman), that her whole pledge comes into question. In an eventual heat of passion with this new boy, Dawn discovers something horrid about her self, something that is not talked about in sex-ed class. Needless to say, her vagina has the ability to bite off male genitalia. Teeth may be one of the most recent, addicting cult horror classics.
/T_h is fi lm will make you cringe, laugh and think. As
crazy, fantastic, over the top and ridiculous this movie may be, there is also gender and social commentary, re-garding a female’s protection of her virginity, and how this is viewed and abused by her male counter parts in the fi lm.
/T_h e fi lm will begin with introductory remarks byVisit-
ing Assistant Professor of humanities Claudia Nadine and end with a panel discussion led by students from E&D’s “Vamps and Vampires” from Spring 2008.
Prof. Nadine will present the fi lm, in Miller 105, tonight
at 6:30 p.m.Recently upgraded from three members to four, Portland
electronic ensemble Starfucker is preparing for a Valentine’s
Day show at the Wonder Ballroom.
/T_h e group will give Portland a goodbye before head-
ing out to Austin, Texas to play at the South by Southwest
(SXSW) music festival, and then a tour of the country. /T_h ey will play at the Wonder Ballroom this Saturday with Strength, Explode Into Colors and Dirty Mittens.
Starfucker plays the kind of music you always wished
would get played at school dances, but never was.
A collection of catchy pop hooks and funky beats mixed
with swirling squeaky synth lines and just a hint of psyche-delia. Not to mention a seemingly unlimited number of handclaps.
/T_h e songs are melancholy and at the same time joyous,
but this combination holds up surprisingly due to one key element that all the songs share: danceability.
Still riding high on the release of their self-title debut LP ,
the group recently added a new member Keil Mitchell, who
also plays in Portland dance duo Guidance Counselor.
/T_h e Pioneer Log had the opportunity to talk with front-
man Josh Hodges this week.
PioLog: So Starfucker is starting a tour in a month. How is
this one going to compare to others the band has done?
Josh Hodges: We’ve only done one other tour really, one full US tour, I guess, before this. /T_h is one we are just going to SXSW in March and back, and then we are going on a full
US tour, starting in Vancouver, Canada, then we are going
to go to Montreal. We’ll make money actually, which we’ve
never really done. /T_h is one we’ll actually make enough to eat and stuff .PL: Are you looking forward to playing SXSW?
JH: Yeah, I hope we get more shows though, I am worried
about that. We only have one show booked right now, maybe
two. It’s kind of annoying to go to those things. Every band is trying to get there that’s a lower level band and it seems like you just have to know somebody. I am excited just to go be
in warm weather. And we are going on tour with Guidance
Counselor and he is awesome and he’s a friend of ours. Keil
[Mitchell] is in both of our bands now, the drummer. He’s badass; he’s way better than me or Shawn [Glassford].PL: Are you looking forward to seeing any other bands per-
form at SXSW?
JH: Maybe, I don’t really like to go to shows that much. I
am so picky. I only like to go to things that I really really really love or like, my friends. I hated CMJ [in New York]. It’s insane—it’s a band everywhere, and there are so many
people, and you wait in line and you have your bracelet. I
don’t know what SXSW is going to be like; I am just going
to try to have fun. I think I am most excited about meeting people I don’t know.PL: You said before that you felt like you guys were kind of
big in Portland but maybe not anywhere else. Do you feel
like that’s diff erent
now?JH: I think, maybe, I don’t really know
because we haven’t
been out since that
last tour. Appar-ently we are getting better guarantees though and then we played in Seattle not
that long ago and it was fi nally good there—it’s never been
good there. We played in Olympia on Saturday night and
that was really good, too. So, maybe we are getting a little bit more notoriety outside of Portland. But I’d rather be big everywhere except for Portland.
PL: On the Badman Recording Co. website, it says that you
live performance is “a reminder of what it was like to be a
teenager.” Is this something you try to do with your music?JH: I don’t know what it’s like for anyone else. It’s not like that for me, I think. For me, it was the fi rst thing I actu-
ally enjoyed doing live. I used to be really nervous and not
be able to play Sexton Blake, which was before Starfucker. I
hated playing live because the music was boring and depress-ing and I wasn’t into it. But then with Starfucker it was like shit I really liked to do and then I was playing drums, which
I really like to do. And then I think that people could see that
we were genuinely enjoying it so maybe that’s where people’s
experience of it comes from.PL: In a Willamette Week article from 2005, you said you felt
like Sexton Blake “was a hump to get over, and then maybe
there is some good stuff after that.” Is Starfucker that “good
stuff ” for you?JH: Yeah, defi nitely. It’s more what I wanted to be doing all
along. It’s more kind of fun music. Starfucker was, I think,
a direct reaction to the Sexton Blake thing because it wasn’t
even my project, as much as it was this guy’s who started a
label here to release it. With Starfucker, I was like it has to be fun fi rst or else it’s really not worth doing music, even if people want you to. If it’s not fun then it’s totally not worth it, like for just some future payoff or something.PL: Are you working on producing anything new right now?JH: Yeah, we actually have an EP , I just fi nished recording it. It should be out in May but it should be done way before that. We will probably be selling it at shows really soon. It’s like a mini-album—it’s like 8 songs.PL: Are you going to start playing that stuff live?JH: Yeah, that’s the main thing because we got our old set down really well and then we got a new member. We got so tired of the songs and we wanted to learn new songs. At least half the set is brand new. And then Keil is with us and that changes things a lot. I am free to play guitar a lot more which I never ever did before. It’s good. /T_h e other night in Olympia, I was like, Oh this is what I wanted it to sound like all along.PL: Is the show on Saturday at the Wonder Ballroom going to be your fi rst show with Keil?JH: No, that’s why we had these two house shows, like these secret shows. /T_h e fi rst one was a disaster but then we played
in Olympia on Saturday. /T_h at was really really good, actually. I think we are ready for Valen-tine’s Day.PL: So there are three other bands playing on Saturday. Do you know any of them?JH: Yeah, Strength is really im-
pressive. /T_h ey’re really good dance music. /T_h at guy, they are all, really amazing performers. He’s like made to be front-man, he’s so so good at it. /T_h ey’re all kind of a little bit an-drogynous and they just dance really cool. Explode Into Col-ors I’ve actually never seen but everyone says that they are amazing. Dirty Mittens are our friends; we’ve known them for a while. PL: If there was any band you could play with, who would it be? JH: Probably Of Montreal cause I think it’d be a good fi t, for one. /T_h e guy, I think he’s a genius. It could be fun, and they are crazy. /T_h at would be ideal. /T_h eir manager really likes us, too. Our name actually fucks with things like that. We were gonna play with this French girl Yelle and we are gonna go on tour with her but they were scared because of our name because they have such a young demographic.PL: Did you ever think about that when you were deciding on the band name?JH: No, I never even thought we’d be big enough to be tour-ing. It was almost like a fuck you to the way everyone is in a band and trying to make their ego and money in a band. And then it was actually successful and we were like, Oh whoops, how did this happen?
Show your teeth
Getting personal with Starfucker:
Come celebrate VDAY, a global movement to end vi-
olence against women by watching “/T_h e Vagina Mono-
logues” this Saturday. /T_h is play is an annual event at LC, and it is fi ercely fun. Originally performed as a one wom-an play by the playwright, Eve Ensler the play is a series of monologues that somehow relate to the vagina. /T_h e play features a number of LC students performing diff erent renditions of the monologues.
All proceeds will go to the Portland Women’s Crisis
Line, a local nonprofi t organization working to end sexual abuse and domestic violence. Chances are, you will laugh, you will cry (a little bit) and you will be totally impressed with your peers. If not, you can score some delicious cook-ies provided by the Lewis & Clark Baking Club. Either way, you win.
WHEN: Friday, Feb. 20th, at 7 PMWHERE: Agnes Flanagan ChapelCOST: Students $3, Non-students $5
An interview with frontman, Josh Hodges of local Portland electro-pop outfi t
by Sanne Stienstra // editor in chief
“/T_h e other night in Olympia, I was
like, Oh this is what I wanted it to
sound like all along.” -Josh HodgesHodges enjoys a nice, warm cup of coffee outside.by Robert McCormack // illustration editor
Vaginas? Cookies? Cool.
by Liam O’Connor // arts editorDance? Dance. Dance!
If you need any excuse to dance yourself to pieces this
Valentine’s day, head over to the Wonder Ballroom in NE
Portland this Saturday night.
Starfucker is playing. Seriously. See right.WHEN: Saturday, Feb. 14th, Doors 7:00 p.m., Show8:00 p.m.WHERE: Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St.COST: $10, All agesby Liam O’Connor // arts editorCan’t last through the
shortest month?
These events will make the month of
love pass like a summer fl ing.
If you need any excuse to dance yourself to pieces this
Valentine’s day, head over to the Wonder Ballroom in NE
Starfucker is playing. Seriously. See right.
WHEN: Saturday, Feb. 14th, Doors 7:00 p.m., Show
WHERE: Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St.
PHOTO BY SANNE STIENSTRA
ILLUSTRATION
IMAGE COURTESY OF BRAD FITZPATRICK
BY ROBERT MCCORMACK
Can’t last through the
shortest month?
These events will make the month of
Volume 73, Number 1
NEEDS SOMETHING HEREFriday, September 12, 2008 A&E 12 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Portland International Film Festival continues
PIFF runs Feb. 5-21: Film topics range from
politics, romance, comedy and everything in
between. The schedule is jam-packed, boast-
ing works from 42 countries. It all kicked off
with the premiere of “Coraline” (see below).
Visit http://www.nwfi lm.org for times and syn-
opses, and be sure to show up early—
tickets go fast.
by Abraham Cohen // staff writerThe Pioneer Log reviews a few more of PIFF’s notable fi lms in this year’s festival.
“Séraphine,” the French contribution screened, is based on
the little-known story of the painter from the small town of Senlis,
France. By day, Séraphine works a grueling schedule of maid work
and odd jobs while at night she paints tirelessly using any materi-
als she could gather during the day. What little money she does earn is used to buy painting supplies and canvases. Yolande Moreau plays Séraphine with quirky simplicity. As she gazes appreciatively up at the natural beauty around her in her spare moments out-side, one can understand how her vivid paintings of fruit, fl owers and the outdoors are created with an unadulterated love of nature. By chance, a tenant of the house she cleans happens to be the re-nowned art critic and collector Wilhelm Uhde and when he sees her work they begin a unique relationship that is the focus for the rest of the fi lm. While this fi lm feels a bit slow at parts, the perfor-mances are excellent. /T_h is is a must see for any true artist or fan of art. —Ashley Davis“Upstream Battle,” the documentary by Ben Kempas, pits the
Karuk, Yurok and Hoopa tribes against the Pacifi Corp conglomera-
tion that dammed up the Klamath River, on the border of southern
Oregon and northern California, in four places. /T_h e fi lm begins by
illustrating the intimate relationship the tribes have with the river and its salmon, and the precarious existence they face without a land and tradition to call their own. “Battle” attempts to give each side a fair portrayal. /T_h e tribesmen are not perfect—one member’s killing of woodpeckers for a headdress is clearly meant to cast a doubtful light on the validity of a religion that requires the sacrifi ce of ani-mal bodies. Pacifi Corp also makes the strong point that the dams’ hydropower is a low-cost, climate-friendly source of energy, which is a valuable resource it could not aff ord to lose. /T_h e fi lm looks at the somewhat tenuous relationship the tribes have with farmers and fi shermen as well, since they too rely on the Klamath’s waters for their own purposes. In the end, though, the fi lm takes the predict-able position of the little man fi ghting against the powerful, soulless company, while all the time it begs the question, “With green pow-er so hard to fi nd in the fi rst place, what is the cost of main-taining tradition
when it overwhelms
a supplier of eco-
friendly power?” —Ashley Davis
As is common with the re-
lease of a movie adaptation of a book, many fans were skep-tical in their hopes that the spirit of Coraline the book
would persevere in “Cora-line” the fi lm. Neil Gaiman’s book is certainly a children’s story, but it is also patently frightening.
It is not common prac-
tice, especially among chil-dren’s animated movies, to have frightening themes, so the worry was that the movie would sugar-coat “Coraline” to the point at which the power behind the story—the terror which sets Coraline’s adventures apart from those of any other modern faerie-story’s protagonist—would be lost.
However, the brilliant ar-
tistic mind behind the fi lm cushioned worries. Henry Selick directed “James and the Giant Peach” and “/T_h e Nightmare Before Christ-mas,” both beautiful exam-ples of how his dark, creative artistic vision can make a fi lm. Enhancing the prospect of Selick’s involvement with “Coraline” was that, unlike “James” and “Nightmare,” not only did he direct it, but he wrote the screen-play as well.
Selick’s involvement certainly created
some hope. Fortunately, coming out of the theatre, all fears are assuaged. “Coraline” turned out to be 101 minutes of all that was hoped for, and none that was feared.
Beginning even with the opening cred-
its, Selick sets a dazzling scene where hints of the malicious underpinnings of a darker world bleed through a childlike scene, and apparent safety and familiarity gives way to the strange.
Selick’s style of stop-motion animation
lent stunning visual beauty to the world of “Coraline.” His team worked hard day-to-day for three and a half years on the fi lm. /T_h ough they started with just a few anima-tors, by the end of the project there were up-wards of 30.
Selick is devoted to doing as much work as
possible by hand, avoiding computer-graph-ics (CG) animation as much as possible—and it shows. “Coraline” has a beautiful, hand-made artistic quality to it. According to Selick, there are very few instances of CG animation; even the complex and realistic facial motion of the characters is produced
frame-by-frame, by switching out innumer-
able doll faceplates to produce many combi-
nations of expression.
/T_h e faceplates are cast from plastic and
painted, and the only CG used in the facial
animation was to smooth out the line across
Coraline’s face where the upper plates and
lower plates are divided.
Selick believes that a large part of “Cora-line’s” success is due to the production en-vironment. In an interview with the PioLog,
he said that while he worked on “Coraline” he got “the best artistic support [he has] re-ceived since Nightmare Before Christmas,”
and that “…almost all the energy went up onto the screen and was not lost in the fear
and politics which bogs down so many Hol-
lywood fi lms.”
/T_h e visual experience of “Coraline” is, in a
word, immersive. From the moment the fi lm begins, the screen is awash with active details
that make the world of “Coraline” so magi-
cal. /T_h ere is a surreal quality to stop-motion
in the fi rst place, and the peculiarities that
Selick adds serve well to enhance this. From
the whimsically repulsive Mr. Bobinsky in
the normal world to the instantly blooming,
phosphorescent fl owers in the Other Father’s
garden, Selick’s bizarre vision creates wonder
everywhere. Furthermore, the 3-D
technology is nothing short of impressive. Often, 3-D
takes away from a fi lm, but
“Coraline”’s team integrated
it beautifully, enhancing the
fi lm without letting the 3-D
upstage the actual visual con-
tent. Also, RealD® (the 3-D
technology) doesn’t use those
funky, headache-producing
red-and-blue-cardboard glass-
es, but a comfortable, almost
unnoticeable set of near-transparent plastic glasses. Selick made the right choice
in placing Coraline in a 3-D
world.
As far as could be told
from talking with others on the fi lm, Selick’s direction of
cast and crew was stellar. For
example, when asked what it
was like to form her concept
of Coraline’s character, Da-
kota Fanning said that since
she started recording her lines
before fi lming even started,
she didn’t have much to base her character on visually. She
said that she “really didn’t have a lot to go
off of,” but insisted that “it didn’t really even
matter… because Henry is so descriptive and
he is so detailed and he was able to tell me
anything I needed to know because it was all
kind of in his head already.”
Speaking with Gaiman about what it was
like to work with Selick on the story, his only complaint was that the original screenplay
that Selick presented him with was “… much
too close to the book.” Gaiman told us how
well Selick’s vision fi t his hopes for what the
fi lm would be, while at the same time mak-
ing for a fi lm that truly stands alone.
With regards to how pleased he was with
Selick’s adaptation of the book, Gaiman said,
“what I wanted was a Henry Selick fi lm. If
I’d wanted a Neil Gaiman fi lm, I would have
directed it. I didn’t want ‘Neil Gaiman’s Cor-
aline.’ ‘Neil Gaiman’s Coraline’ is a book.”
“Coraline” stars grace the red carpet for Laika’s premiere
PHOTOS BY HALEY BRILL
Teri Hatcher (left), who voices Coraline’s mother in the Henry Selick fi lm, and Dakota Fanning
(right), who voices Coraline, attended the red carpet premiere of the stop animation movie at the Portland Art Museum last week. The fi lm is Portland-based Laika’s fi rst major project. Sports 13 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Lil’ Wayne was highly praised this week at the Grammys,
winning awards for best rap album, song and solo perfor-
mance. However, like a true gangsta, there’s more to this spunky musician than meets the eye. Lil’ Wayne is a huge sports fanatic—“I don’t watch nothing but sports—no mov-ies, no news, no television shows—so I thought this would be fun,” he said.
And is it ever. “Because I watch so much sports, I like to
think I know what’s gonna happen.” Sometimes he gets it right and sometimes he doesn’t, like last week, when he made the confi dent claim, “Arizona is gonna stomp the Steelers’ heart.” /T_h is didn’t happen, but that won’t deter Lil’ Weezy from spitting out the truth on his ESPN /T_h e Magazine sports
blog. He talks about all sports and doesn’t hold back on the hate talk. He throws down with an impressive display of sports facts and fi gures that back his opinions.
His dedication to the blog is refl ected by the ESPN tatt
that wraps around his left arm. Not only does Lil’ Wayne know his facts, but when asked about his personal experi-ences with sports he responded, “I grew up playing football. Believe it or not, I was a fullback. When I was nine, 10, 11, I was a great blocker. I knew how to block real good and the other kids didn’t…I was supposed to go one way, but I ended up sneaking around the other side on a sweep. Everybody thought I was already tackled. /T_h e ref was already blowin’ his whistle. But I was still up and I stutter stepped one way and beat the last guy trying to get me and scored that touchdown. /T_h at’s my favorite sports memory of myself.”Lil’ Wayne keeps it
real on ESPN blog
by Haley Brill // sports editor When news leaked that Yankee third baseman Alex Ro-
driguez used steroids from 2001 to 2003, my faith in the
purity of baseball eff ectively ended. It was bad enough that
Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa
and a handful of other stars from
my childhood were all implicat-
ed in the steroid scandal that has
plagued baseball for the last de-
cade or so.
But Rodriguez was supposed
to be the guy who would break
Bonds’ homerun record without the use of performance enhancing
drugs. He might still break Bonds’
record, but now he too will have
an asterisk next to his name.
Rodriguez not only puts his re-
cords in question, but those of an
entire era of baseball. He hit more
than 150 home runs between
2001 and 2003, and now the le-gitimacy of every one of those is in question. Rodriguez only admit-
ted to using steroids after Sports
Illustrated published an article
saying he tested positive for ste-roids in 2003. Without that report would he have ever come clean? Or would he have tried to
cruise into the Hall of Fame hoping no one would ever fi nd
out he was a cheater?
Of the top 15 home run hitters of all time, fi ve are closely
linked to steroids. /T_h at means a third of the greatest power hitters in the game cheated. A-Rod is just the latest slugger /T_h ere is no joy in Mudville
A decade of steriod use in professional baseball undermines athleteic hero, A -Rod.
to fall from grace. All those records that were set in the ’90s
and early 2000s are now meaningless, as it seems baseball was absolutely fi lled with guys looking to get an advantage with
help from a syringe.
Do I blame the individual players? Certainly. But much
of the blame needs to be focused on
commissioner Bud Selig who let an entire generation of baseball end
up in the gutter. By turning a blind
eye to the steroid problem for so
long Selig’s league and all the amaz-
ing off ensive statistics accumulated
during his reign are forever tar-
nished. And there is no easy way
out for the game of baseball. A-Rod
was going to be the poster boy for
the clean era of sluggers. He isn’t.
What baseball needs now is a
new savior. A new star that never
used drugs and can set records and
restore some purity and respect-
ability to the game. Barring injuries
Ken Griff ey, Jr. likely would have
been that star, but at 38 years old
he does not exactly fi r the mold of
savior. Maybe St. Louis’ Albert Pu-
jols, if he can keep his current pace
of 40-plus homers a year going till
he is 40 he will shatter Bonds’ record. Or maybe even Phila-delphia’s young slugger Ryan Howard could be the new clean
homer king? Whoever it is, baseball needs them to step up
into the spotlight now, before it is too late.
Sorry baseball, turns out a decade of shadiness can really
come back to bite you. Just ask Dick Cheney.Alex Rodriguez trying to do the “right thing.”
by Michael G. Richman // staff writer
PHOTO COURTESY OF ESPN.COM
A new energy has taken over the Lewis & Clark baseball
team. Unanimous sentiment seems to be the team can really
go far this year, if they work their strengths and pitchers are able to throw through. With a fi rm force of coaches and a strong group of freshman bringing new talent to the team, LC baseball hopes to make it further in the Northwest Con-ference this year.
Last year the Pioneers fi nished seventh out of the nine
teams in the Northwest Division. /T_h is year Sam Homan (’11) says he hopes to raise the ranks of the team. “/T_h is should be an exciting year,” Homan said. “We have a lot of talent, and in our off ense and defense we are as good as anyone in the league. If we can get some solid pitching I think we can go as far as we want to.”
Colin Dietz (’09) said, “/T_h is is the fi rst year where all the
players on the team are from Justin Baughman’s recruit. He has specially selected all of us and I think that is one of the reasons why are attitudes are so compatible. We are more united and more positive this year…everyone helps each other out to a larger extent than in years past, from what I know.”
Even with a plethora of fresh players, senior Jordan Wlo-
darcsyk (’09) says that he is happy with the maturity of the team. “Our young guys have had a chance to grow up and become more disciplined,” he said. “We also have four good recruits; they are not typical freshman they are more mature and ready to step in and fi ll in the needs of the team, which is unique for less experienced players.”
With this force Wlodarcsyk is sure: “We will be better
than last year! We fi nished last year on a roll, we won fi ve of our last seven games, and I think this positive streak will help us start the new season right.”Playing nice
pays off in Pioneer soccer
by Haley Brill // sports editor
/T_h e National Soccer Coaches Association of Amer-
ica awarded the Lewis & Clark women’s soccer team
with the prestigious Team Ethics Award on Mon-day, Jan. 26. From 73 intercollegiate teams, LC was amongst the ranks as a school which profoundly exhib-its “fair play, sporting behavior and adherence to the Laws of the Game.”
/T_h e NSCAA was founded in 1941 to promote play-
er and fan participation in soccer, as well as to improve the teaching and coaching of the game. Today the NSCAA stands as the largest organization of its kind and continues to emphasize that “soccer is the players’ game. /T_h e paramount concern of coaches is the holis-
tic development, welfare, enjoyment and safety of their
players,” according to the organization’s website.
Teams’ ethical standing is determined by the num-
ber of yellow caution cards or red ejection cards accu-mulated throughout the season. In 2008, only seven teams received Gold Awards for obtaining absolutely no cards of off enses. /T_h e Pios received a Silver Award, denoting that they received a maximum of fi ve yellow cards and no red cards. /T_h is means not once last season did a Pio player threaten an opposing player, use their hands to force a goal, spit at someone or make any de-grading threats. /T_h e LC women’s team played fair and clean soccer, no doubt boosting the moral of the team and promoting the coaching of Steve Golas.
Other college teams honored with the Silver Award
include John Hopkins University, Whittier College, Seattle Pacifi c University and Baptist Bible College. Of the 73 teams ranked as Gold, Silver or Bronze award recipients for the 2008 soccer season, there was only two men’s soccer teams.
/T_h is is not the fi rst time this season the teams been
recognized by the NCSAA. Back in November, the Pios also were rewarded the Academic Award. Only 360 other teams qualifi ed with a grade point of 3.0 or higher. Our team boasts a 3.34 grade point average.In 2008, only seven teams received
Gold Awards for obtaining abso-
lutely no cards of off enses.
Pioneer baseball hits the fi eld
by Mariah Shields // features editorPreseason play kicks off this week with the Pios traveling to California to face Occidental.
ART BY LIAM O’CONNOR/T_h is Pioneer team will be starting out the pre-season
tomorrow with a double header against Occidental in Los
Angeles. /T_h e Pios take the home fi eld on Sunday, Feb. 22 against Oregon Tech. Conference play begins in a weekend of double-headers Saturday, Feb. 28, against Willamette.
Baseball is no longer a faded memory: The new
season starts tomorrow.
Write for Sports!Just because your season is over doesn’t mean
you have to retreat to Watzek for the rest of your
days. Write for the PioLog about other LC sports
on campus. Calling all LC athletes!
Sports 14 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
Basketball
Women’s:
2/6
George Fox……..........… (L) 78-56
2/7
Pacific (Ore.)……............(L) 80-70
Overall Record: 9-12
Conference Record: 3-9
Men’s:
2/6 George Fox…............... (W) 63-49
2/7
Pacific (Ore.)…..............(W) 75-61
Overall Record: 15-6
Conference Record: 9-3

Men’s Tennis
2/8Portland St. …….............… (L) 0-7
Overall Record: 0-1
Conference Record: 0-0
Upcoming Events
Women’s & Men’s Basketball
2/13 – Linfield @ LC6:00 p.m.
2/14 @ Willamette
Women’s & Men’s Swimming
2/13 – 14
@ NWC ChampionshipFederal Way, WA
Men’s Tennis
2/13- Seattle U @ LC3:30 p.m.
2/14 – Whitworth @ LC
10:00 a.m.
Women’s Tennis
2/13 - @ Whitman
2/14 - @Whitworth
Swimming Season Finale
Pioneer Swimming hopes to fi nish strong at Northwest Conference Championship.
by Nichole Carnell // sports editor
/T_h e Lewis & Clark womens’ and mens’ swimming teams
look to fi nish their season strong in Federal Way, Washington
this weekend at the
Northwest Confer-ence Champion-
ship. Coach Fantz
expects the team to
swim “really fast.” After what Fantz calls a “successful
and productive sea-
son,” his expecta-
tions are high. /T_h is weekend marks the teams’ focal point,
and coming out
with fast times is
exactly the way to end the season.
“/T_h e team
works really, really
hard,” said Fantz,
who commends his swimmers in and out of the pool. Fantz is proud of his team (which he says is more like a family) for their ability to come
together and “really en-
joy each other.”
It was a great year,
not only for the team,
but also for the eight se-
niors LC will soon say
goodbye to. “It’s hard to
see them go, but it’s nice to see them grow up, and we know that they
will always be around,”
said Coach Fantz. “It’s organic for their teammates to see
them move on to the Peace Corps, Teach for America or law school.”
For a team that has come together so well Coach
Fantz hopes that the core values that exist within
this group will carry
over to next season.
/T_h e next Pio swim-
ming season should be an exciting one for
both men and wom-
en. Coach Fantz be-
lieves he has a “solid group” and is confi -dent in his returning
swimmers and new
recruits. “Every year
changes must be made when you lose team-mates, but next season
looks good.” Fantz be-
lieves that a team can
never work too much on technique, and he
hopes the team can con-tinue to improve this
next year.
On the men’s side, look out next season for some
leadership in Lee Taylor (’11)
who had a good season this
year swimming the breast and
freestyle. /T_h e women’s team
has a lot of good swimmers but is hoping to see some fast
times from the pleasant sur-
prise, Abbie Hebein (’12),
who caught her stride late in
the season and should return strong next year. /T_h e women
enter the championship in third place with a 5-2 record in dual meets, while the men enter 0-7.
Abbie Hebein (’12) will be an assest next season for LC.
PHOTO COURTESY OF LC SWIMMING BLOG
When you’re planning your Friday night, don’t forget so
support Pioneer basketball. Coming off of Coach Gaillard’s
prestigious 500-game win, and with the men’s focus turned to the conference championship, there is no better time than the present to become a Pioneer basketball fan. With the men tied for second in confer-ence standings and taking on the third place standing Linfi eld Wildcats, this game won’t disap-point even the ripest basketball newcomer. With a 71 percent winning average, there is a good chance tonight’s game is going to be worth your Friday night.
But be sure to get there early,
say 6:00 p.m., to see the women take on Linfi eld, in what should be a solid game from tip-off to buzzer. /T_h is is the last home game of the season for the Pios and it will be full of, not only great basketball, but also special events
that are guaranteed to entertain.
Before the beginning of both games, our Pio
seniors will be honored before they take their last
steps onto the home court. And make sure to stick around during the half-times of both games for
what has been called “the basketball half-time event of the year.” Watch the ASLC squad take on Student Life in the women’s half time, and then the President’s Offi ce, who will be coached by, whom else but our
very own, President Hochstettler. /T_h is is your last chance Lewis & Clark, don’t let this great basketball opportunity pass you by. No better time to support basketball
Great competitors, senior honors and a halftime show not to be missed.
by Nichole Carnell // sports editorCoach Fantz expects the team to
swim “real fast.” After what Fantz calls a “successful and productive sea-son,” his expectations are high for this weekend’s championship.
With the men tied for second in con-
ference standings and taking on the third
place standing Linfi eld Wildcats, this
game won’t disappoint even the ripest bas-ketball newcomer.Volume 73, Number 1 Friday, September 12, 2008 Sports 15 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
After a tough loss last Friday to Division I team Port-
land State, the Lewis & Clark men’s tennis team still hopes
to come out ahead in future matches. Although this weekend
they host another Division I team, Seattle, the men hope to
triumph with a win against Walla Walla, WA rival, Whit-man. “Our players enjoy playing Division 1 teams because it makes them stay focused, try harder and pulls the best out of their plays,” said Coach Tilmanis.
Like the women, the men’s team also faced tough losses
this season. /T_h eir number one and four players will return next year from other commitments, but for now the younger, less experienced players must pick up the slack. George Al-len (’10), all-conference player from last year, is away on an overseas program, but the Pios are fortunate enough to have a substitute this year from the Netherlands. Vincent Groot (’12) will be fi lling the number one spot this season for one year only. Coach Tilmanis is confi dent in this young player and is looking to him and this year’s seniors, Luke Wheeler Men’s tennis falls to Portland State
(’09), the Pios’ number two singles player, Andrew Moller (’09) who is number four, and Matthias Kullowatz (’09), to
provide leadership for the team. “Wheeler and Moller are
both experienced players and are capable of steadying the
team,”said Coach Tilmanis, “along with Groot, who will also be a stabiizing infl uence on the team.”
Tilmanis is expecting good competitions from his po-
tentially excellent freshman players, Amory Parker (’12), Quinn Roth Carter (’12) and Groot. /T_h ese young players have “strengthened the ranks,” according to Tilmanis. /T_h ree seniors returning to comprise the top six coupled with the huge potential in Tilmanis’ young players should yield some spunky matches this year.
/T_h e Pios will stay in the home dome for the next couple of
weeks to host Seattle, Whitworth and Linfi eld. “Our tough-est competition this year will be Whitman, Pacifi c Lutheran and Linfi eld,” said Tilmanis. Show support for the Pios this Friday, Feb. 13, at 3:30 p.m., then again on Saturday, Feb. 14, at 10 a.m. The Pios take a tough loss this weekend but look to improve their match play this season.
by Nichole Carnell // sports editor
/T_h e Bourne Sports Report
Facebook’s “25 Things” invades Bourne’s column & proves trivial info is still entertaining.
As if procrastination was not already the minor of every college student in America, a viral internet phenomenon
swept our computer screens this week, replacing time formerly penciled in to fi nish problem sets or read text books
with a pressing 20-minute period dedicated to proving to our “friends” just how witty we can be. For the classless MySpace faithful who may have wasted their 20-minutes posting warped Photobooth pictures to their profi les or commenting on Fall Out Boy’s latest bulletin, what I am referring to is the Facebook “25 /T_h ings” note. In light of this craze, I have taken the time this week to provide you with my list of 25 sports-themed things.
1) My undying sports allegiance goes to the Golden State Warriors, despite the fact that they have only made the
playoff s once since I was fi ve years old.2) /T_h e best birthday I ever had was spent in the Rose Garden watching the Warriors clinch their only playoff berth since I was fi ve.3) When John Starks, my all-time favorite basketball player, was traded to the Warriors for Latrell Sprewell, I cried. No, not tears of joy. Counterintuitive, right? I was only 10. I guess I was confused.4) I once sat behind Lil’ Bow Wow at a Knicks game in Madison Square Garden. /T_h e next day I ran into him at Planet Hollywood in Times Square. He was lil’.5) If there’s one thing in this world that I believe regardless of intuition and evidence, it’s that Barry Bonds never took steroids. Some people believe in God, I believe some men’s feet miraculously grow two sizes larger in their late 30’s. 6) I was in the building when Bonds hit 714 to tie Babe Ruth. It was in Oakland but he got all the praise he de-served.
7) Earlier that day I dropped a Mike Matheny foul ball.
8) Sadly there are times when I do enjoy watching professional wrestling. TNA (Total Nonstop Action) is by far the
best form, purely because of the 400-pound mass of woman that is Awesome Kong. Google her.9) I have no idea why pitchers make such bad hitters.10) I’m currently training for the next episode of “Celebrity Boxing” against Chris Brown.11) I won Adonal Foyle’s (Orlando Magic) poetry contest in my junior year of high school. He may be the least co-ordinated man to every play professional basketball, but at least he has an eye for talent.12) I’ve never been to a professional football game nor do I care to…at least not until Brett Favre retakes his Velveeta throne in Green Bay.13) My iT unes library boasts songs by both Shaquille O’Neal and Allen Iverson. 14) I hate Anderson Varejao and Joakim Noah…Justin Guarini, too. Common denominator? You be the judge.15) Dog sports are amazing. Have you seen when they do the doggie long jump? It’s out of control.16) I sometimes wonder: if Arthur is an anteater, and Patrick is a starfi sh, what does that make Sam Cassell?17) Ever think maybe Ron Artest went after that fat white kid who threw the cup of water at him because he thought he had drowned and mistook the blob-boy in the Pistons jersey for the bright white light just this side of heaven? 18) I once met Luke Walton in an airport. A few years later my dad met Bill Walton in an airport. Do you think the Waltons might be my family’s spirit guides? /T_h at would explain all the tie-dye…19) Stephen Jackson of the Warriors threw me his used sweatbands once at halftime of a game. If I ever have the means, I want to use his dried up sweat to clone him and have a black baby. Hopefully it won’t be born with a gat or propensity for technical fouls.20) If I could teleport to any historical sporting event ever it would be when Randy Johnson killed a bird with his fast ball.21) Every time I witness a jumbo-tron proposal at a professional baseball or basketball game, I secretly hope she says “no.”22) I once caught a t-shirt at a Blazers game only to discover that it was a Comcast shirt…like anyone would ever want that.23) Last fall I saw the Blazers’ Martell Webster at the Humane Society in Northeast Portland with his pregnant girl-friend. 24) I have read both of Dennis Rodman’s books and dressed up as him for Halloween in fi fth grade.25) Maybe after graduation this summer I’ll get a job in Milwaukee as one of those sausage guys who races around Miller Park. Maybe their looking to hire kosher kielbasa…you never know. by Jason Bourne // staff writerLewis & Clark’s women tennis begins match play this
week with a younger team, who is going to have to work
hard for every match. Head coach Gundars “Til” Tilmanis believes this will be “a challenging year because most other teams have improved, and our team is less experienced.” /T_h is year’s team is going to be going up against big players and their toughest competition is going to come from Linfi eld, Woodworth, Whitman and Willamette. /T_h e Pios lost four of their top six women from last year to overseas programs this spring. Coach Tilmanis believes that overseas programs are important for individual players but it makes thing tough on the team and the younger players.
/T_h e diff erence between last year’s team and this year’s
starting six is experience. Nevertheless Coach Tilmanis is confi dent in his freshman starters that he said were “enthu-siastic and committed.” Tilmanis is looking to Jill Coleman,
Caitlyn Homer, Taylor LeMoreaux, and Catherine Eichhorn
(all freshmen) who he believes are “totally capable of step-
ping up and fi lling the void.”
Returning this year is Amalia Nilsson (’11), Northwest
Conference player of the year in 2008. She continues domi-nating in the number one singles spot and will, with Whit-ney DeBree (’11), make up the team’s number one doubles team. Nilsson, who didn’t lose a set last year, is anxious for
the season to start. Nilsson gave this advice: “I’m going to
have to take help from Billie Jean King who said, ‘Ladies,
here’s a hint. If you’re up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. /T_h at’s the hardest shot for the well-endowed.’”
Coach Tilmanis’ team is focusing this season on “patience
and consistency in play.” Coach Tilmanis believes, “Match-es are lost, not won. You win a match when your opponent makes more mistakes.” /T_h e Pios begin match play Friday, Feb. 14, in Walla Walla, against Whitman and follow up
Saturday against Whitworth. /T_h ey bring their rackets home
next Saturday, Feb. 21, against Pacifi c Lutheran at noon.
Women’s tennis
attacks the net
The Pioneers take a big hit in top six play-
ers but look forward to a tough season.
by Nichole Carnell // staff writer
Coach Tilmanis revs his team before practice. PHOTOS BY KATIE SUGARMAN
Amalia Nilsson (’11) will lead the
Pios this year.
Retraction
In last week’s issue of the Pioneer Log, it was incorrectly
reported in a story entitled “Featured athlete: Koy Col-
lier” that the student featured in the article is engaged. We regret the error and apologize for our mistake.
ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT MCCORMACKSockum are a parasite
common to large cities and suburban sprawl, and are much harder to fi nd in rural areas. /T_h ey generally mate for life, and a sock separated from its mate will either fi nd another similar mate or die quietly. /T_h ey exist parasitically on our feet, sucking our blood through short tubes called supliculum. /T_h ey can be killed easily with a
modern dryer, though a serum they release into the human bloodstream creates a need for more sockum, and the host is liable to replace it. Sockum are fatal after two to three years, and the host dies in unspeak-able pain. /T_h e process begins with chemically induced brain trauma that causes the host to expose the socks to more sunlight, often by wearing them with sandals.Giraff um are strange creatures, and modern science is only now beginning to under-stand them. Girrafum have a
complex social network that
seems to depend upon their
constant fi ght against a special giraff e-depression
and ritualized cannibalism. According to Prof. Collin Lawson, of Berke-
ley School of Zoology and
Animal Social Sciences, a
giraff e can eat 30 pounds of giraff e brain before he begins to lose self-esteem.
/T_h is giraff e to the right
is taking a long stroll by
himself, sorting out his
own feelings about the
psychological abuse he en-dured throughout giraff e middle school. He may return to the herd, or quietly take his own life in the savannah. His disappearance will lead many others down the same path./T_h ese deep-water octopum, called Onomatopœia, live solitary lives. Some of them get married, but
this leads to divorce more often than the successful egg patch and chemically induced death that octopum look for in a partner. /T_h ese octopum have gi-gantic brains and are
able to learn in a solitary environment. Because of this most Onomatopoeia are terrifyingly well educated. /T_h e only limit on their intelligence, which increases exponentially as they age, is their sex-induced death. /T_h is leads many of them to abscond from social contact and hone their skills at World of War-craft, allowing them to lead comparatively long and fulfi lling lives.Backdoor 16 the Pioneer Log, February 13, 2009
You Caught My Eye
Please e-mail your“You Caught My Eye” to Piolog@lclark.edu
ILLUSTRATION BY BRAD JONAS
Inside the issue:Not every-•
one can be a
Cougar.
Pg. 80085Modern Art •
totally bogus.
Pg. -5Scholastic admits to •
testing animals for spunk and moxy.
Pg. 42 /T_h e Top Ten
T attoos for your body and soul
10. T wirly moustache.9. Pot leaf/palm tree (penis).8. You getting tattooed.7. Barrel of Monkeys armband.
6. Joyce’s Ulysses, full text tramp
stamp.
5. Angel wings (only on ass).
4. “I already regret this.”
3. Chinese characters for “Gringo.”
2. A Madlib.
1. Current signifi cant other

bursting from your chest.
Might you have been aware of the Science??
?
???
?ley School of Zoology and ?ley School of Zoology and
Animal Social Sciences, a ?Animal Social Sciences, a
giraff e can eat 30 pounds ?giraff e can eat 30 pounds ?
?
??the savannah. His disappearance will lead many ?the savannah. His disappearance will lead many
Giraff e (Giraff um)
Octopus (Octopum) Sock (Sockum)
You: Tosti.
Me: Wanting to ride your sweet cooter...I mean scooter.You: Reluctant to commit.Me: Feigning disappointment.
You: Econ class cutie.Me: Inappropriately re-appropriating your booty.
You: Tall, shaggy haired boy in my psych class.Me: /T_h e one who is always staring at you.You; So shallow.Me: Puddle-jumper.You: Hardcore dig Battlestar Galactica.Me: Might be the real sixth Cylon. Only one way to fi nd out...
You: T ragically hip girl.Me: Wanting to do something tragic to your hips.You: Curly blond-haired boy in a leather jacket and a checkered shirt who stole a soda from Maggie’s.
Me: Saw you. Shame.
Nature’s cherrypickers God’s cruel joke Feet’s lampreys